Pennod 2 Hwyl y Noson Lawen


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Pennod 2

Hwyl a chwerthin o 2006 yng nghwmni Ifan Gruffydd, Nigel Owens, Gareth Owen ac eraill a chaneuon gan Tara Bethan a Bryn Fon. Fun, laughter and music from 2006 with Ifan Gruffydd...


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-If I seem tired,

-it's because I went out last night.

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-I took my wife out.

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-I'm very good like that -

-I take my wife out every week.

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-The problem is - she comes back!

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-When we arrived home,

-my wife was in a good mood.

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-She went up to bed.

-I thought to myself... you know!

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-I wanted to keep things going.

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-I took a cup of tea up to her.

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-She was shocked -

-it had been so long!

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-Does that sound familiar?!

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-"Here's a cup of tea for you,"

-I said. "And these."

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-"What are they?" she asked.

-"Two aspirins," I replied.

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-"But I don't have a headache,"

-she said.

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-And I replied, "Yeah!!"

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-How many farmers are here tonight?

-I'd say there were a few.

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-Yes, I can smell them.

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-Farming has become

-a complicated business.

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-Things aren't as they used to be.

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-There's a mountain of paper work!

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-But give the folk from the Ministry

-their due - they're very helpful.

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-They like to call out

-to see what you have.

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-A man from the Ministry arrived

-and introduced himself to Dai.

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-"I'm here from the Ministry.

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-"I'm conducting a survey to check

-your staff are paid a fair wage.

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-"How many people work here?"

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-"Three work here," said Dai.

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-"Can I talk to them,

-and enquire how much they're paid?"

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-"Start at the house," said Dai.

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-They entered the house.

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-"That's Mari, standing by

-the washing machine," explained Dai.

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-"'Her Indoors' I call her," he said.

-"She's always indoors."

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-"I pay her 130 a week."

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-"Oh, right. And she lives-in.

-Quite reasonable," said the man.

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-"Who else is there?"

-"Follow me outside," said Dai.

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-They went to the milking parlour.

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-"That's Fred over there.

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-"Fred is standing next to the calf.

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-"No - Fred's on the left.

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-"Fred does all the work with

-the cattle, the feeding and milking.

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-"I pay him 200 a week." "200?

-Oh, very good," said the inspector.

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-"What about the other one?"

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-"He's a bit of an idiot," said Dai.

-"He's rather soft in the head.

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-"He does all the donkey jobs.

-I pay him about 25 a week."

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-"25?!" "Yes."

-"Well, I'd like a word with him."

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-"Well," said Dai.

-"You're talking to him."

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-Thank you!

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-Taid's a bloomin' nuisance.

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-I lost him for two days last week.

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-I found him in Betws-y-coed.

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-"What are you doing here?" I asked.

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-He replied,

-"Looking for the Viagra Falls."

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-He practises safe sex.

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-He got the carpenter

-to build a handrail around the bed.

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-Taid was very confused, after

-the doctor gave him some tablets.

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-He was confused

-because on the bottle it said...

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-.."Take off cap and push up bottom."

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-Taid couldn't understand

-why he had to take off his cap.

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-He went to the doctor

-since he had a sore throat.

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-The doctor said, "Don't eat for ten

-days." "What can I do?" asked Taid.

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-The doctor said,

-"Feed yourself through your bottom."

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-Taid asked, "What food can I eat?"

-The doctor replied, "Whatever fits."

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-Taid said, "I like toast

-for breakfast." "Slice it, then..."

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-Ten days later, Taid returned to

-the doctor. "Good morning," he said.

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-The doctor said,

-"Good morning. How are you?"

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-"I'm champion," said Taid.

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-"Why are you walking around

-like that, then?" asked the doctor.

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-Taid replied,

-"I'm chewing treacle toffee."

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-Any teachers here tonight?

-Are there?

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-Aye!

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-Aye!

-

-Aye!

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-You used to ask daft questions!

-Maybe you still do.

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-"Fifteen apples in one hand, twenty

-in the other, what have I got?"

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-"Big hands," I replied.

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-We used to have stupid

-exam questions in school, too.

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-I've noted a few.

-Listen to these examples.

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-"Who was born in a stable,

-and had thousands of followers?"

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-"Red Rum," I replied.

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-Chemistry now - what a question!

-I'm sure I was right.

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-"What liquid doesn't freeze?"

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-"Hot water," I replied.

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-"Why does a hen lay an egg?" "If

-it went the other way, it'd choke."

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-"Where are the Gorsedd rocks?"

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-"Between their legs!"

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-Makes sense.

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-"What do you call someone who speaks

-three languages?" "Trilingual."

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-"What do you call someone who speaks

-two languages?" "Bilingual."

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-"What do you call someone who speaks

-one language?" "An Englishman."

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-# It's good, isn't it?

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-# Grand, isn't it? Great, isn't it?

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-# Swell, isn't it?

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-# Fun, isn't it?

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-# Nowadays.

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-# There are men everywhere

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-# Jazz, everywhere

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-# Booze, everywhere!

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-# Life, everywhere. Joy everywhere.

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-# Nowadays.

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-# You can like the life

-you're living.

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-# You can live the life you like.

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-# You can even marry Harry

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-# But mess around with Hank.

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-# And that's good, isn't it?

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-# Grand isn't it? Great isn't it?

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-# Swell, isn't it? Fun, isn't it?

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-# But nothing stays.

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-# You can like the life

-you're living.

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-# You can live the life you like.

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-# You can even marry Harry

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-# But mess around with Hank.

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-# And that's good, isn't it?

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-# Grand, isn't it? Great, isn't it?

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-# Swell, isn't it?

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-# Fun, isn't it?

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-# But nothing stays.

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-# In fifty years, or so

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-# It's gonna change, you know.

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-# But, oh!

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-# It's heaven!

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-# And all that -

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-# Jazz! #

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-# I love

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-# Jazz! #

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-888

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-Thomas John and Ifan

-bought an aeroplane.

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-A 1919 Zeppelin from WW1.

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-They wanted to parachute jump

-over the Black Mountains.

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-As they flew over the

-Black Mountains, the pilot said...

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-"..When the green light comes on,

-put on the parachute and jump out.

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-"The parachutes

-are as old as the 'plane.

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-"They're not guaranteed to open.

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-"Don't pull the cord 'til

-you're 10 feet from the ground."

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-"What if the cord doesn't open?"

-"Surely you can jump 10 feet!"

0:12:260:12:30

-Mrs Jones went to see her doctor.

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-"I'm pregnant," she said.

-"Mrs Jones, this is your twelfth!

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-"I've told you,

-you'll die if you have another one.

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-"This is the twelfth."

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-"I know," she said. "You must

-use contraceptives," he continued.

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-"One more will be the end of you."

0:12:560:12:58

-"A hearing aid will do," she said.

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-"What d'you mean, hearing aid?"

-"I'm a bit deaf," she explained.

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-"When I go to bed, my husband asks,

-'Are you going to sleep or what?'

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-"And I reply, 'What?'"

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-The vet got a call one night.

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-"Hello! Vet?"

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-"Yes," he replied.

-"This is Mrs Jones. Come quickly!"

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-"What's the matter?"

-"The dog has swallowed a condom."

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-"Well, well," said the vet.

-"I'll get there as soon as I can."

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-"Hurry! You must come now,"

-said Mrs Jones.

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-The vet said, "I will.

-Just keep the dog still.

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-"Don't let it waggle its tail."

-"OK," she replied.

0:13:490:13:53

-"Come as quickly as you can."

-"I will," said the vet.

0:13:540:13:57

-He put the phone down.

-Two minutes later, it rang again.

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-"Hello! Vet? Mrs Jones here.

-You don't have to come.

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-"We've found another one

-in the drawer."

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-Hello, hello!

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-Evita Morgan, from Patagonia. It's

-good to be in Caernarfon tonight.

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-Why am I here? Well, I work

-part-time for Radio Patagonia.

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-I'm here to interview

-north Wales celebrities.

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-But I must admit,

-there's another reason why I'm here.

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-Because you see,

-I'm also looking for a husband.

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-Here in Caernarfon, the men

-are graceful, and act like princes.

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-They're all handsome.

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-Each one is a poet.

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-The first thing I did

-was look for somewhere to stay.

0:14:560:14:59

-A man approached me.

-"Tried The Prince of Wales, love?"

0:15:000:15:04

-"No! I thought

-he was already married," I replied.

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-I started to look for a husband

-at first light.

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-I put an advert

-in The Daily Post and Herald.

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-'Exotic woman seeks Caernarfon lad

-for long nights on the prairie.

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-'A bilingual woman -

-Welsh and Spanish.

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-'She can't speak a word of English.

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-'She knows how to pull a calf.'

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-Forgive me for wanting to capture

-one man's heart in particular.

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-His name?

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-Bryn Fon, my hero!

0:15:450:15:47

-I managed to get his number from

-an old friend and hero, Dafydd Iwan!

0:15:500:15:55

-I understood I could interview him

-between the Noson Lawen rehearsals.

0:15:560:16:02

-Wearing my favourite cardigan,

-I stared at myself in the mirror.

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-Perfect!

0:16:080:16:09

-Off I went to the Noson Lawen.

-But when I arrived...

0:16:100:16:14

-..you'll never believe

-what happened.

0:16:150:16:18

-"Where's Bryn Fon?"

-I asked the receptionist.

0:16:190:16:23

-The man behind

-the counter stared at me.

0:16:240:16:27

-"Where d'you come from?" he asked.

-"From the south?"

0:16:270:16:31

-"Yes, yes, from South America,

-Patagonia!"

0:16:310:16:34

-"Oh, Lord. Do they come

-from there looking for him now?!

0:16:350:16:38

-"Don't throw any more knickers

-over the gate," he continued.

0:16:410:16:44

-"It's Nicaragua here already."

0:16:450:16:46

-Without any help,

-I wandered backstage.

0:16:480:16:52

-I discovered a room -

-and the door was open.

0:16:540:16:57

-The light was on.

0:16:580:17:00

-As I entered the room, I saw him!

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-That's where he was!

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-Bryn Fon.

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-His eyes were closed

-as he lay on a three-piece suite.

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-He was dead.

0:17:150:17:17

-What was I going to do?

-I had no time to think.

0:17:190:17:22

-A-ha! I jumped on top of him.

0:17:230:17:25

-I massaged his chest,

-and blew into his mouth.

0:17:250:17:28

-As I was doing this, Bryn woke up.

0:17:290:17:33

-"What the hell d'you think

-you're doing?" he asked.

0:17:350:17:38

-I'll never forget what he did next.

-He started to sing.

0:17:410:17:45

-# I remember your face,

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-# Looking back at me.

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-# Your eyes looking into my eyes.

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-# My hand on your shoulder... #

0:17:580:18:00

-"My other hand looking frantically

-for my mobile to phone Security."

0:18:010:18:05

-They started to drag me,

-feet first, out of the room.

0:18:060:18:10

-I shouted, "No, Bryn, no!

-You've misunderstood!"

0:18:110:18:14

-But it was too late. The last thing

-I remember was Bryn saying...

0:18:150:18:18

-"..Damned stalker! Damned stalker!"

0:18:200:18:22

-Before coming on stage,

-I was sobbing.

0:18:250:18:28

-Caernarfon Male Voice choir

-smiled at me, trying to comfort me.

0:18:280:18:32

-Dafydd John in particular.

0:18:330:18:34

-I felt like a dead hedgehog,

-after the way Bryn treated me.

0:18:390:18:43

-Prickly and all squashed.

0:18:440:18:47

-One minute,

-Bryn was giving me the c'mon...

0:18:500:18:52

-..the next, he didn't want to know.

0:18:520:18:55

-I think I'll go back to Patagonia.

0:19:000:19:02

-Perhaps the men aren't poets...

0:19:030:19:05

-..but at least

-they know how to pull a calf.

0:19:060:19:10

-I came here for Mr Fon.

0:19:120:19:14

-I found him sadly lacking.

-Goodbye friends, goodbye Caernarfon!

0:19:140:19:20

-# Who are we?

0:19:450:19:47

-# What are we doing here?

0:19:490:19:52

-# Who knows the answers?

0:19:520:19:56

-# Proud Welsh.

0:19:590:20:02

-# The Third World right here

0:20:030:20:06

-# Waiting for Armageddon.

0:20:070:20:10

-# Running away

0:20:140:20:15

-# Running away

-from the world's worries.

0:20:170:20:21

-# In the beginning,

-there was the word

0:20:220:20:25

-# In the beginning

-there was nothing.

0:20:250:20:27

-# And after nothing, sweet FA

0:20:290:20:32

-# And after that, nothing.

0:20:320:20:35

-# And after that, nothing.

0:20:370:20:39

-# Who are they?

0:20:420:20:44

-# What are they doing here?

0:20:450:20:49

-# What happens in an assembly?

0:20:490:20:53

-# Red leeks

0:20:570:20:59

-# For a white rose, right here

0:20:590:21:03

-# Pretending

-to be a government house.

0:21:040:21:07

-# Running away

0:21:110:21:12

-# Running away

-from the world's worries.

0:21:140:21:18

-# In the beginning,

-there was the word

0:21:190:21:22

-# In the beginning

-there was nothing.

0:21:220:21:25

-# And after nothing, sweet FA

0:21:260:21:29

-# And after that, nothing.

0:21:290:21:31

-# And after that, nothing.

0:21:340:21:36

-# Is there anyone

-who'll stand for our country?

0:21:390:21:44

-# Is there a hero in the land?

0:21:460:21:49

-# Are the matches damp,

-or is the flame still burning?

0:21:530:21:58

-# Owain, where are your sons?

-They're needed here.

0:22:000:22:04

-# In the beginning,

-there was the word

0:22:140:22:17

-# In the beginning

-there was nothing.

0:22:170:22:20

-# And after nothing, sweet FA

0:22:210:22:24

-# And after that, nothing.

0:22:240:22:28

-# In the beginning,

-there was the word

0:22:280:22:31

-# In the beginning

-there was nothing.

0:22:320:22:34

-# And after nothing, sweet FA

0:22:350:22:38

-# And after that, nothing.

0:22:390:22:41

-# And after that, nothing.

0:22:430:22:46

-# Ah-ah-ah.

0:22:470:22:51

-# Ah-ah-ah. #

0:22:550:23:01

-S4C Subtitles by GWEAD

0:23:060:23:08

Hwyl a chwerthin o 2006 yng nghwmni Ifan Gruffydd, Nigel Owens, Gareth Owen ac eraill a chaneuon gan Tara Bethan a Bryn Fon. Fun, laughter and music from 2006 with Ifan Gruffydd and friends.