Christmas 2015 TOTP2

Greetings, seasonal pop pickers,

and welcome to more bonus slices from the turkey crown of pop.

We start off with the festive,

though initially strangely static, Shakin' Stevens.

More Stationary Stevens, really!

# Snow is falling

# All around me

# Children playing

# Having fun

# It's the season

# Love and understanding

# Merry Christmas, everyone

# Time for parties and celebration

# People dancing all night long

# Time for presents

# And exchanging kisses

# Time for singing Christmas songs

# We're gonna have a party tonight

# I'm gonna find that girl

# Underneath the mistletoe

# We'll kiss by candlelight

# Room is swaying, records playing

# All the old songs we love to hear

# Oh, I wish that

# Every day was Christmas

# What a nice way to spend the year

# We're gonna have a party tonight

# I'm gonna find that girl

# Underneath the mistletoe

# And kiss by candlelight

# Snow is fallin'

# All around me

# Children playing, having fun

# It's the season

# Love and understanding

# Merry Christmas, everyone

# Merry Christmas, everyone

# Merry Christmas, everyone

# Snow is falling

# All around me

# Children playing, having fun

# It's the season

# Love and understanding

# Merry Christmas, everyone

# Merry Christmas, everyone

# Merry Christmas... #

Funny - back then, that jumper made him look a bit of a pranny!

Nowadays, we'd just assume he was a hipster being ironic.

Roy Wood next, who never tried to look cool,

which makes him very cool, right?

# When the snowman brings the snow

# Well, he just might like to know

# He's put a great big smile on somebody's face

# If you jump into your bed

# Quickly cover up your head

# Don't you lock the doors

# You know that sweet Santa Claus is on the way

# Well, I wish it could be Christmas every day

# When the kids start singing

# And the band begins to play

# Oh, I wish it could be Christmas every day

# Let the bells ring out for Christmas

# When we're skating in the park

# If the snow cloud makes it dark

# Then your rosy cheeks are gonna light my merry way

# Now the frosticles appear

# And they've frozen up my beard

# So we'll lie by the fire

# Till the sleep simply melts them all away

# Well, I wish it could be Christmas every day

# When the kids start singing

# And the band begins to play

# Oh, I wish it could be Christmas every day

# Let the bells ring out for Christmas... #

INSTRUMENTAL INTERLUDE

-# When the snowman brings the snow

-When the snowman brings the snow

-# Well, he just might like to know

-Just might like to know

# He's put a great big smile on somebody's face

-# So if Santa brings that sleigh

-Santa brings that sleigh

-# Along the Milky Way

-Along the Milky Way

# I'll sign my name on the rooftop in the snow

# Then he may decide to stay

# Well, I wish it could be Christmas every day

# When the kids start singing

# And the band begins to play

# Oh-oh, I wish it could be Christmas every day

# So let the bells ring out for Christmas... #

OK, you lot, take it!

# Well, I wish it could be Christmas every day

# When the kids start singing

# And the band begins to play

# Oh-oh-oh...

# I wish it could be Christmas every day

# Let the bells ring out for Christmas

# Why don't you give your love

# For Christmas? #

Ah, yes, a bit of seasoned Wood there!

I'm doing a kind of Yule log riff here, kids - neat, eh?

Now then, after staying out all night partying,

Mrs Jones has locked Tom out of the house,

so he's amused himself by carving his own name out of snow.

# Sleigh bells ring

# Are you listening?

# In the lane

# Snow is glistening

# A beautiful sight

# We're happy tonight

# Walking in a winter wonderland

# Gone away is the bluebird

# Here to stay is the new bird

# He sings a love song

# As we go along

# Walking in a winter wonderland

# In the meadow, we can build a snowman

# And pretend that he is Parson Brown

# He'll say, "Are you married?"

# We'll say, "No, man

# "But you can do the job when you're in town"

# Later on, we'll conspire

# As we dream by the fire

# To face unafraid

# The plans that we made

# Walking in a winter wonderland

# But you can do the job when you're in town

# Later on, we'll conspire

# As we dream by the fire

# To face unafraid

# The plans that we made

# Walking in a winter wonderland

# I'm walking in a winter wonderland

# Walking

# In a winter wonderland. #

Tom Jones, keeping warm in his fur coat

and what I assume to be a woolly hat.

OK, Adele next,

a big Christmas hit rather than an actual Christmas song, this one.

But we spent so much money on fairy lights,

we were hoping you wouldn't notice.

# I've made up my mind

# Don't need to think it over

# If I'm wrong, I am right

# Don't need to look no further

# This ain't lust

# I know this is love

# But if I tell the world

# I'll never say enough

# Cos it was not said to you

# And that's exactly what I need to do

# If I end up with you

# Should I give up?

# Or should I just keep chasing pavements

# Even if it leads nowhere?

# Or would it be a waste

# Even if I knew my place?

# Should I leave it there?

# Should I give up?

# Or should I just keep chasing pavements

# Even if it leads nowhere?

# Yeah...

# I build myself up

# And fly around in circles

# Waiting as my heart drops

# And my back begins to tingle

# Finally

# Could this be it?

# Or should I give up?

# Or should I just keep chasing pavements

# Even if it leads nowhere?

# Or would it be a waste

# Even if I knew my place?

# Should I leave it there?

# Should I give up?

# Or should I just keep chasing pavements

# Even if it leads nowhere?

# Yea-eah

# Should I give up?

# Or should I just keep chasing pavements

# Even if it leads nowhere?

# Or would it be a waste

# Even if I knew my place?

# Should I leave it there?

# Should I give up?

# Or should I just keep on chasing pavements?

# Should I just keep on chasing pavements?

# Ohh-ohh

# Should I give up?

# Or should I just keep chasing pavements

# Even if it leads nowhere?

# Or would it be a waste

# Even if I knew my place?

# Should I leave it there?

# Should I give up?

# Or should I just keep chasing pavements

# Even if it leads nowhere?

# Yeah. #

Yes, you were right after all, Adele,

it did look more like windblown wastepaper than snow.

Sorry!

Meanwhile, over in Basildon, three callous boys are showing off

the new keyboards they got for Christmas in front of their mate

Dave, who only got a pair of over-tight vinyl leggings.

# When I'm with you, baby I go out of my head

# And I just can't get enough And I just can't get enough

# All the things you do to me and everything you said

# I just can't get enough I just can't get enough

# We slip and slide as we fall in love

# And I just can't seem to get enough, ah

# We walk together

# We're walking down the street

# And I just can't get enough And I just can't get enough

# Every time I think of you I know we have to meet

# And I just can't get enough And I just can't get enough

# It's getting hotter It's a burning love

# And I just can't seem to get enough, ah

# I just can't get enough I just can't get enough

# I just can't get enough I just can't get enough

# I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough

# I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough

# You're like an angel and you give me your love

# And I just can't seem to get enough, ah

# I just can't get enough I just can't get enough

# I just can't get enough I just can't get enough

# I just can't get enough I just can't get enough

# I just can't get enough I just can't get enough... #

OK, time to go over to the finals of Mullet of the Year now.

And look out for Boy George,

who came straight from panto dress rehearsal,

where he was playing Widow Twankey.

# It's Christmas time

# There's no need to be afraid

# At Christmas time

# We let in light and we banish shade

# And in our world of plenty

# We can spread a smile of joy

# Throw your arms around the world

# At Christmas time

# But say a prayer

# Pray for the other ones

# At Christmas time it's hard

# But when you're having fun

# There's a world outside your window

# And it's a world of dread and fear

# Where the only water flowing

# Is the bitter sting of tears

# And the Christmas bells that ring there

# Are the clanging chimes of doom

# Well, tonight, thank God it's them

# Instead of you

# And there won't be snow in Africa

# This Christmas time

# The greatest gift they'll get this year is life

# Oooh

# Where nothing ever grows

# No rain nor rivers flow

# Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

# Oh-oh

# Here's to you

# Raise a glass for everyone

# Here's to them

# Underneath that burning sun

# Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

# Feed the world

# Feed the world... #

Oh, not keeping you up, are we, Bob? Too many late nights, son!

Now then, Christmas, the year end, always a time to take stock

and remember those who we've lost in the past 12 months.

And there can't be anyone more fondly remembered,

both privately and publicly, than our Cilla.

So, here she is in a typically endearing performance.

# Long time ago in Bethlehem

# So the Holy Bible says

# Mary's boy child, Jesus Christ

# Was born on Christmas Day

# Hark now, hear the angels sing

# A new king born today

# And man will live for evermore

# Because of Christmas Day

# While shepherds watched their flocks by night

# Them see a bright new star

# Them hear a choir sing

# The music seemed to come from afar

# Now, Joseph and his wife, Mary

# Come to Bethlehem that night

# Them find no place to born she child

# Not a single room was in sight

# Trumpets sound and angels sing

# Listen to what they say

# That man will live for evermore

# Because of Christmas Day

# By and by, they find a little nook

# In a stable all forlorn

# And in a manger cold and dark Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Mary's little boy was born Ooh-ooh-ooh

# A long time ago in Bethlehem

# So the holy Bible says

# Mary's boy child Jesus Christ

# Was born on Christmas Day

# Hark now, hear the angels sing

# A new king born today

# And man will live for evermore

# Because of Christmas Day

# Trumpets sound and angels sing Tra-la-la-la-la

# A king was born today Tra-la-la-la-la

# And man will live for evermore

# Because of Christmas Day

# That man will live for evermore

# Because of Christmas

# Day. #

APPLAUSE Oh, ta-ra, chuck.

Dress code Christmassy, I said, Pulp.

At least Candida on the organs made the effort.

The rest of you, thanks for nothing.

# She came from Greece She had a thirst for knowledge

# She studied sculpture at St Martin's College

# That's where I

# Caught her eye

# She told me that her dad was loaded

# I said, "In that case I'll have rum and Coca-Cola"

# She said, "Fine"

# Oh, and then in 30 seconds' time

# She said

# "I wanna live like common people

# "I wanna do whatever common people do

# "Wanna sleep with common people

# "I wanna sleep with common people like you"

# Well, what else could I do?

# I said "Oh, I'll see what I can do"

# I took her to a supermarket

# I don't know why but I had to start it somewhere

# So it started there

# I said "Pretend you've got no money"

# And she just laughed and said "Oh, you're so funny"

# I said, "Yeah?

# "Huh, I can't see anyone else smiling here

# "Are you sure

# "You wanna live like common people

# "You wanna see whatever common people see

# "Wanna sleep with common people

# "You wanna sleep with common people like me?"

# But she didn't understand

# She just smiled and held my hand... #

SCREAMING

# Rent a flat above a shop

# Or cut your hair and get a job

# And smoke some fags and play some pool

# Pretend you never went to school

# But still you'll never get it right

# Cos when you're laid in bed at night

# Watching roaches climb the wall

# If you called your dad

# He could stop it all, yeah

# You'll never live like common people

# You'll never do whatever common people do

# Never fail like common people

# You'll never watch your life slide out of view

# And then dance and drink and screw

# Because there's nothing else to do

# Come on... #

GUITAR SOLO

SCREAMING

# Sing along with the common people

# Sing along and it might just get you through

# Laugh along with the common people

# Laugh along even though they're laughing at you

# And the stupid things that you do

# Because you think that poor is coo-oo-ool

# Oh

# I want to live with common people like you

# I want to live with common people like you

# I want to live with common people like you

# Want to live with common people like you

# Want to live with common people like you

# I want to live with common people like you

# La-la-la-la

# Oh, la-la-la-la

# Oh, la-la-la-la-la-la

-# Oh, you. #

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

How true, and how nice for us here in the upper echelons of the BBC

to spend some time with common people like you, the viewers.

OK, new feature film out in the New Year,

so cashing in early on the Dad's Army revival.

# Hey, Mr Churchill comes over here

# To say we're doing splendidly

# But it's very cold

# Out here in the snow

# Marching to and from the enemy

# Oh, I say it's tough

# I have had enough

# Can you stop the cavalry?

# I have had to fight almost every night

# Down throughout these centuries

# That is when I say

# Oh, yes, yet again

# Can you stop the cavalry?

# Mary Bradley waits at home

# In the nuclear fallout zone

# Wish I could be dancing now

# In the arms of the girl I love

# Dub-a-dub-a-dum-dum Dub-a-dubadum

# Dubadum dum dub-a-dum Dub-a-dubadum

# Dub-a-dub-a-dum-dum

# Dub-a-dubadum

# Dubadum-dum-dub-a-dum Dub-a-dubadum

# Wish I was at home for Christmas

# Bang, that's another bomb On another town

# While the Czar and Jim have tea

# If I get home Live to tell the tale

# I'll run for all presidencies

# If I get elected, I'll stop

# I will stop the cavalry

# Dub-a-dub-a-dum-dum Dub-a-dubadum

# Dub-a-dum-dum-dubadum Dub-a-dub-a-dum

# Dub-a-dub-a-dum-dum Dub-a-dubadum

# Dub-a-dum-dum-dubadum Dub-a-dub-a-dum

# Wish I was at home for Christmas

# Wish I could be dancing now

# In the arms of the girl I love

# Mary Bradley waits at home

# She's been waiting two years long

# Wish I was at home for Christmas. #

You're watching Christmas Top Of The Pops 2,

with me, Mark Radcliffe.

Wings, now, and oh, dear, look at all that smoke.

Turned out Linda had left some veggie sausages under the grill. D'oh!

# Mull of Kintyre

# Oh, mist rolling in from the sea

# My desire is always to be here

# Oh, Mull of Kintyre

# Far have I travelled

# And much have I seen

# Dark distant mountains

# With valleys of green

# Past painted deserts

# The sunset's on fire

# As he carries me home

# To the Mull of Kintyre

# Mull of Kintyre

# Oh, mist rolling in from the sea

# My desire is always to be here

# Oh, Mull of Kintyre... #

BAGPIPES PLAY

# Sweep through the heather

# Like deer in the glen

# Carry me back to

# The days I knew then

# Nights when we sang

# Like a heavenly choir

# Of the life and the times of

# The Mull of Kintyre

# Mull of Kintyre

# Oh, mist rolling in from the sea

# My desire is always to be here

# Oh, Mull of Kintyre

# La-la-la-la

# Mull of Kintyre

# La-la-la-la

# Mull of Kintyre... #

And then the Fire Brigade were called,

and we were all escorted out safely.

Now, here's Chris Rea,

who'd had a sore throat, hence the muffler worn indoors,

and he does still sound a bit hoarse, the poor lad.

# I'm driving home for Christmas

# Oh, I can't wait to see those faces

# I'm driving home for Christmas

# Yeah

# Well, I'm moving down that line

# And it's been so long

# But I will be there

# I sing this song

# To pass the time away

# Driving in my car

# Driving home for Christmas

# It's gonna take some time

# But I'll get there

# Top to toe in tailbacks

# Oh, I got red lights all around

# But soon there'll be a freeway

# Yeah

# Get my feet on holy ground

# So I'll sing for you

# Though you can't hear me

# When I get through

# And feel you near me

# Driving in my car

# I'm driving home for Christmas

# Driving home for Christmas

# With a thousand memories

# I take look at the driver next to me

# He's just the same

# Just the same

# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Top to toe in tailbacks

# Oh, I got red lights all around

# I'm driving home for Christmas

# Yeah

# Get my feet on holy ground

# So I'll sing for you

# Though you can't hear me

# When I get through

# Oh, and feel you near me

# Driving in my car

# I'm driving home for Christmas

# I'm driving home for Christmas

# With a thousand memories

# Driving home for Christmas

# I take a look at the driver next to me

# Driving home for Christmas

# He's just the same

# Driving home for Christmas

# He's driving home

# Driving home Driving home for Christmas

# Driving home for Christmas

-# Driving home for Christmas. #

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Chris Rea, there,

and here's someone who has already

driven home for Christmas,

and made a textbook emergency stop, even in icy conditions.

Well, you'd expect no less from George Michael, would you?

# Last Christmas I gave you my heart

# But the very next day

# You gave it away

# This year

# To save me from tears

# I'll give it to someone special

# Last Christmas I gave you my heart

# But the very next day

# You gave it away You gave it away

# This year

# To save me from tears

# I'll give it to someone special Special

# Once bitten and twice shy

# I keep my distance

# But you still catch my eye

# Tell me, baby

# Do you recognise me?

# Well, it's been a year

# It doesn't surprise me

# Happy Christmas

# I wrapped it up and sent it

# With a note saying "I love you"

# I meant it

# Now I know what a fool I've been

# But if you kissed me now

# I know you'd fool me again

# Last Christmas I gave you my heart

# But the very next day

# You gave it away You gave it away

# This year

# To save me from tears

# I'll give it to someone special Special

# Last Christmas I gave you my heart

# But the very next day

# You gave it away

# This year

# To save me from tears

# I'll give it to someone special Special

# Oh

# Oh, my baby

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

# A crowded room

# Friends with tired eyes

# I'm hiding from you

# And your soul of ice

# My God, I thought you were someone to rely on

# Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

# A face on a lover

# With a fire in his heart

# A man undercover

# But you tore him apart Tore me apart

# Ooh-ooh

# Now I've found a real love

# You'll never fool me again

# Last Christmas I gave you my heart

# But the very next day

# You gave it away You gave it away

# This year, to save me from tears

# I'll give it to someone special Special

# Last Christmas I gave you my heart

# But the very next day

# You gave it away You gave me away

# This year, to save me from tears Oh

# I'll give it to someone special

# Special

# A face on a lover with a fire in his heart

# A man undercover I gave you my

# But you tore him apart

# Heart Maybe next year... #

And off they went, back to the ferry terminal,

where they found their crossing had been cancelled due to bad weather,

and spent Christmas sleeping in the car that year.

Mind you, not the first time that's happened for George.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE OK, over to the youth club now,

and, ooh, someone's got a new hoodie.

# They'll be making sure you stay amused

# They'll fill you up with drugs and booze

# Maybe you'll make the evening news

# And when you're tripping over your dreams

# They'll keep you down by any means

# By the end of the night You'll be stifling your screams

# Since you became a VIPerson

# It's like your problems have all worsened

# Your paranoia casts aspersions

# On the truths you know

# And they'll just put you up in that spotlight

# And hope that you'll do all right

# Or maybe not

# So why do you wanna go and put stars in their eyes?

# Now why do you wanna go and put stars in their eyes?

# So why do you wanna go and put stars in their eyes?

# Now why do you wanna go and put stars in their eyes?

# Remember they said you'd show them all

# Emphasise the rise but not the fall

# And now you're playing a shopping mall... #

AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG

# Your mum and dad They can't believe

# What you appear to have achieved

# While the rest of these users are just laughing in their sleeves

# And since you became a VIPerson

# It's like your problems have all worsened

# Your paranoia casts aspersions

# On the truths you know

# And now the tabloids use your face

# To document your fall from grace

# And then they'll tell you that that's just the way it goes

# Well, that's just the way it goes

# Now why do you wanna go and put stars in their eyes?

# It's the same old story

# But they just didn't realise

# And it's a long way to come

# From the Dog And Duck karaoke machine

# And Saturday night's drunken dreams

# Now why do you wanna go and put stars in their eyes?

# It's the same old story

# Well, they just didn't realise

# And it's a long way to come from your private bedroom dance routines

# And Saturday night's drunken dreams

# So why do you wanna go and put stars in their eyes?

CHEERING

# Now why do you wanna go and put stars in their eyes?

# So why do you wanna go and put stars in their eyes?

# Now why do you wanna go and put stars in their eyes?

# Now why do you wanna go and put stars in their eyes?

# It's the same old story

# But they just didn't realise

# And it's a long way to come

# From the Dog And Duck karaoke machine

# And Saturday night's drunken dreams

# Now why do you wanna go and put stars in their eyes?

# It's the same old story

# Well, they just didn't realise

# And it's a long way to come

# From your private bedroom dance routines

# And Saturday night's drunken dreams. #

CHEERING

Now, that was Starz In Their Eyes,

which I actually won once, doing,

as luck would have it, Shane MacGowan.

I know this show's not really about me, but it's a link, isn't it?

# It was Christmas Eve, babe

# In the drunk tank

# An old man said to me

# Won't see another one

# And then he sang a song

# The Rare Old Mountain Dew

# I turned my face away

# And dreamed about you

# Got on a lucky one

# Came in 18 to one

# I've got a feeling

# This year's for me and you

# So happy Christmas

# I love you, baby

# I can see a better time

# When all our dreams come true

# They've got cars big as bars

# They've got rivers of gold

# But the wind goes right through you

# It's no place for the old

# When you first took my hand

# On a cold Christmas Eve

# You promised me Broadway was waiting for me

# You were handsome You were pretty

# Queen of New York City

# When the band finished playing

# They howled out for more

# Sinatra was swinging

# All the drunks, they were singing

# We kissed on the corner

# Then danced through the night

# The boys of the NYPD choir

# Were singing Galway Bay

# And the bells were ringing out for Christmas day

# You're a bum, you're a punk

# You're an old slut on junk

# Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed

# You scumbag, you maggot

# You cheap lousy faggot

# Happy Christmas, you ass

# I pray God it's our last

# The boys of the NYPD choir

# Still singing Galway Bay

# And the bells are ringing out for Christmas day

# I could have been someone

# Well, so could anyone

# You took my dreams from me

# When I first found you

# I kept them with me, babe

# I put them with my own

# Can't make it all alone

# I've built my dreams around you

# The boys of the NYPD choir

# Still singing Galway Bay

# And the bells are ringing out for Christmas day. #

Wouldn't be Christmas without it, would it?

Ed Sheeran now, who's usually a right scruffy Herbert,

but he's made the effort this year and borrowed one of

Shakin' Stevens' old jumpers. CHEERING

# When your legs don't work like they used to before

# And I can't sweep you off of your feet... #

AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG

# Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?

# Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

# And, darling, I will

# Be loving you till we're 70

# And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23

# And I'm thinking 'bout how

# People fall in love in mysterious ways

# And maybe just the touch of a hand

# Oh, me, I fall in love with you every single day

# And I just wanna tell you I am

# So, honey, now

# Take me into your loving arms

# Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

# Place your head on my beating heart

# I'm thinking out loud

# Maybe we found love

# Right where we are

# When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades

# And the crowds won't remember my name

# When my hands don't play the strings the same way

# Mmm, no, I know you will still love me the same

# Cos, honey, your soul can never grow old

# It's evergreen

# And, baby, your smile's

# Forever in my mind and memory

# Ooh

# And I'm thinking 'bout how

# People fall in love in mysterious ways

# And maybe it's all part of a plan

# Na-na

# Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes

# Hoping that you'll understand

# But, baby, now... #

CHEERING

# Take me into your loving arms

# Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

# Oh, darling

# Place your head on my beating heart

# I'm thinking out loud

# Maybe we found love right where we are

# Oh, maybe we found love right where we are

# And we found love right where we are. #

Merry Christmas.

CHEERING Merry Christmas to you too, Ed.

Now, then, I told you those party poppers

would get everywhere, and look what's happened.

# This generation

# Rules the nation

# With version

# Music happens to be the food of love

# Sounds to really make you rub and scrub

# Dam-ba-dam Biddly-bom, biddly-bom

# Bom-biddly-biddly-biddly-biddly-bom

# I say, pass the Dutchie pon the left-hand side

# Pass the Dutchie pon the left-hand side

# It a gonna burn

# Give me the music Make me jump and prance

# It a go done

# Give me the music Make me rockin' in the dance

# It was a cool and lovely breezy afternoon

# How does it feel when you've got no food?

# You could feel it cos it was the month of June

# How does it feel when you've got no food?

# So I left my gate and went out for a walk

# How does it feel when you've got no food?

# As I pass the dreadlocks' camp I heard them say

# How does it feel when you've got no food?

# Pass the Dutchie pon the left-hand side

# I say pass the Dutchie pon the left-hand side

# It a gonna burn

# Give me the music Make me jump and prance

# It a go done

# Give me the music Make me rockin' in the dance

# Bom-bom-biddly-bom

# Bom-biddly-biddly-bom

# So I stopped to find out what was going on

# How does it feel when you've got no food?

# Cos the spirit of Jah

# You know, He leads you on

# How does it feel when you've got no food?

# There was a ring of dreads and the session was there in swing

# How does it feel when you've got no food?

# And you could feel the chill

# As I seen and heard them say

# How does it feel when you've got no food?

# Pass the Dutchie pon the left-hand side

# I say pass the Dutchie pon the left-hand side

# It a gonna burn

# Give me the music Make me jump and prance

# It a go done

# Give me the music Make me rockin' in the dance

# You play it on the radio

# And so me say we a go hear it on the stereo

# And so me know we a go play it on the disco

# And so me say we a go hear it on the stereo

# Pass the Dutchie pon the left-hand side

# I say pass the Dutchie pon the left-hand side

# It a gonna burn

# Give me music Make me jump and prance

# It a go done

# Give me the music Make me rockin' in the dance

# On the left-hand side I say

# On the left-hand side I say

# On the left-hand side Innit?

# On the left-hand side Yeah, man

# On the left-hand side

# Me say east, say west

# Say north and south On the left-hand side

# This is gonna really make me jump and shout... #

And guess who cleaned the streamers up? They did.

Well, they were on work experience.

Musical Youth opportunities, we used to call it.

Now, here's someone else we lost this year, and so laid-back, it hurts.

# Have yourself a merry little Christmas

# Let your heart be light

# From now on

# Our troubles will be out of sight

# Have yourself a merry little Christmas

# Make the Yuletide gay

# From now on

# Our troubles will be miles away

# Here we are

# As in olden days

# Happy golden days of yore

# And faithful friends who are dear to us

# Gather near to us once more

# Through the years

# We all will be together

# If the fates allow

# Hang the shining star

# Upon the highest bough

# Ah-ah

# And have yourself

# A merry little Christmas

# Now. #

A fixture of TV when I was growing up.

Yes, farewell, Val.

You'll be much missed.

And that's about it, kids, so,

"Which version of the Slade classic is it this year?", I hear you ask.

Why, it's this one, stupid.

Are you not paying attention?

And remember, when Noddy shouts,

"It's Christmas" at the end,

it properly is.

Happy holidays, everyone.

# Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?

# It's the time that every Santa has a ball

# Does he ride a red-nosed reindeer?

# Does he turn up on his sleigh?

# Do the fairies keep him sober for a day?

# So here it is

# Merry Christmas

# Everybody's having fun

# Look to the future now

# It's only just begun

# Are you waiting for the family to arrive?

# Are you sure you've got the room to spare inside?

-# Does your granny always tell you

-Ah-ah

-# That the old songs are the best

-Ah-ah

# Then she's up and rock 'n' rollin' with the rest?

# So here it is

# Merry Christmas

# Everybody's having fun

# Look to the future now

# It's only just begun

# What will your daddy do

# When he sees your mama kissing Santa Claus?

# Ah-ha-a

# Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?

# Are you hoping that the snow will start to fall?

-# Do you ride on down the hillside

-Ah-ah

-# In a buggy you have made?

-Ah-ah

# When you land upon your head

# Then you've been slayed

# So here it is

# Merry Christmas

# Everybody's having fun

# Look to the future now

# It's only just begun

# So here it is

# Merry Christmas

# Everybody's having fun

# Look to the future now

# It's only just begun

# So here it is

# Merry Christmas

# Everybody's having fun

# Look to the future now

# It's only just begun

# So here it is

# Merry Christmas

# Everybody's having fun... #

-It's Christmas!

-# Look to the future now

# It's only just begun. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE