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Being a Muslim woman in Britain isn't easy. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
Sometimes it feels like everyone has an opinion | 0:00:06 | 0:00:09 | |
on how you should live your life. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:11 | |
On Instagram, every day, there will be someone who will comment | 0:00:11 | 0:00:15 | |
and say, "Oh, you're this, that and the other, | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
"because you don't wear a hijab." | 0:00:17 | 0:00:19 | |
My name is Mehreen Baig, I'm 28, unmarried, and a Muslim. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:24 | |
-Mehreen. -Yes? | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
You've been upstairs all day. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:28 | |
I want you downstairs now to eat with me. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
Now, I'm at a crossroads, struggling for independence from my parents... | 0:00:30 | 0:00:34 | |
My profile is complete. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:37 | |
..and anxious about the prospects of marriage. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:40 | |
I'm looking for someone who's not going to try | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
and act like my third parent. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
-I don't know what you fancy... -I don't mind, actually. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:47 | |
..besides me. I'm joking! | 0:00:47 | 0:00:51 | |
That's not a bad starter. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:52 | |
But what does my religion really say | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
about my rights as a woman? | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
The wife must obey her husband. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
In this programme, I'm going to meet some women who can all tell me | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
something different about the struggle to balance being a modern | 0:01:03 | 0:01:07 | |
British woman and a Muslim. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
I thought I knew what makes a good Muslim woman. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
I don't even know any more. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
And I hope they can help me resolve some of the dilemmas I'm facing. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:17 | |
You moved out of home and live by yourself? | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
-Yeah. -That's amazing. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:20 | |
I wouldn't... I'm not allowed to do that. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
See, but that... But, like, that's a cultural thing. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:25 | |
Can I be a strong, independent woman and a good Muslim? | 0:01:25 | 0:01:30 | |
Or does Islam not give me that right? | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
This programme contains some strong language. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:38 | |
I think of myself as a modern, career-focused woman. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
I trained as a teacher, and for the past five years, | 0:01:47 | 0:01:50 | |
I worked at a comprehensive school in Tottenham. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
I always thought being a good person means that I'm a good Muslim. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:58 | |
I pray every day, I fast. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
The biggest conflict I face between practising my religion | 0:02:01 | 0:02:07 | |
and living my Western life... | 0:02:07 | 0:02:11 | |
..is clothing. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:14 | |
I get, you know, really positive support | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
on my social media and stuff, | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
but the few times when people will try and point a finger at me and | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
tell me I'm a bad Muslim, what are they going to pick on? | 0:02:20 | 0:02:23 | |
They're going to pick on the way I dress. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
If that's the worst thing you can pick about me as a person and me as | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
a Muslim, I'm quite happy with that. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
I may come across as self-confident and outgoing, but I still live at | 0:02:32 | 0:02:37 | |
home with my parents. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:38 | |
That's it. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
Be my assistant for a while. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
I'm a good assistant, Dad. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:43 | |
-I know you are. -I've been brought up in a traditional Pakistani family. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:48 | |
The heritage and culture they've given me are hugely important to me. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:53 | |
And I can't imagine life without them. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:55 | |
How do you do this? I don't even know this. | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
But, living this way has its frustrations. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:02 | |
As in many Pakistani families, | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
in practice, it means my dad lays down the rules for my life. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:09 | |
Have I put any... | 0:03:09 | 0:03:10 | |
You tell me... Unfair restrictions on you since the time you grew up? | 0:03:10 | 0:03:16 | |
I don't think you put any unfair restrictions. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
But, now, you still... | 0:03:19 | 0:03:24 | |
-..will call us. -I'm very protective... | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
You're very protective. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:28 | |
..about my children, my family, yes, that's true. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
And sometimes, at 28, if you go out, | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
you don't want to get a phone call at 10pm. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:34 | |
You feel 28. I think you're 18, Mehreen. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:37 | |
In my books, if I'm 39, you cannot be 28. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
I know, but even though you don't want to get older... | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
Oh, my God. Nuisance child. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:46 | |
But, like, you are still overprotective. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:48 | |
I am, I am. That's the way I am. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
But what boundaries did I ever push? I never pushed any boundaries. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
Yeah, you go on trips with your friends. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
You know, you go on parties. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
-And you go on this. -But I always tell you where I'm going. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:00 | |
-Always. -But I'm not happy with that. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:02 | |
I think you should be restricted. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:05 | |
There's certain rules. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:06 | |
You should be back by eight. You come back by midnight. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:09 | |
That's not good. I should be back by eight? | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
Yes. Eight or 8.30 maximum, if it's winter, even. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:15 | |
And would you say the same...? | 0:04:15 | 0:04:16 | |
Summer, you should be back by ten, that's OK with me. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
Would you say the same thing to your son? | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
Does your son need to be back by eight? | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
My son is a married man. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:23 | |
-He's independent now. -So if I was married, then it's OK? | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
Yeah, of course, then it's the duty of your husband to look after you. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:29 | |
I love my dad and respect everything he has done for me, | 0:04:32 | 0:04:36 | |
but sometimes his rules drive me crazy. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
He says they're Islamic, but I want to know how true that really is. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:43 | |
A lot of the time, when you're growing up, you are told, you know, | 0:04:44 | 0:04:48 | |
you can do this, you can't do this, and you just accept it. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
And you don't question where it came from, what's the source, | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
why are we being asked to do this. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:57 | |
I used to pray because I used to watch Mum pray. | 0:04:57 | 0:05:00 | |
I knew as much about my religion as my parents had told me. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
They were my main source of information. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
I think this journey's really important cos we need to discover | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
what makes a good Muslim woman. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
End blasphemy laws today! End blasphemy laws today! | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
First, I want to meet someone who, like me, has been brought up in a | 0:05:18 | 0:05:22 | |
British Pakistani family but has decided to take | 0:05:22 | 0:05:25 | |
a very different path. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
At a protest in London against Pakistan's strict interpretation of | 0:05:29 | 0:05:34 | |
Islamic laws, I'm meeting Sadia, | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
who's taken the radical step of leaving the faith altogether. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:41 | |
This is just a mini version of the Koran. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
For Muslims, the Koran is the literal word of God | 0:05:44 | 0:05:48 | |
and must be obeyed. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:49 | |
But there are also the associated Hadiths, | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
the sayings and doings of the Prophet Muhammad | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
which are more open to interpretation. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
It was questioning what these different religious texts said about | 0:05:58 | 0:06:01 | |
her rights as a woman that led Sadia to a crisis of faith. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:06 | |
At 19, when I was engaged for a short period of time... | 0:06:06 | 0:06:10 | |
-That's very young. -Yeah. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:11 | |
-Yeah. -Yeah, very young. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:13 | |
I knew that I'd have to become quite religious to be able to make that | 0:06:13 | 0:06:18 | |
marriage work. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
I started to research more, I started to read more. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
I used to be in a niqab at one point. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
Oh, my God, wait. OK, wait, mind blown. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:27 | |
-And you were full niqabi. -Yeah, full niqabi. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:28 | |
-Oh, my God. -Like, completely. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
Did you, like, research lots before you started wearing it, | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
about the women's dress code in Islam? | 0:06:32 | 0:06:34 | |
I read books. I read the Koran, I read the Hadith, | 0:06:34 | 0:06:37 | |
I read books about women's position and the advice given to women about | 0:06:37 | 0:06:42 | |
their dress. And because it said that I had to cover, | 0:06:42 | 0:06:46 | |
that's exactly what I did. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
Does it say you have to cover everything except for your eyes? | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
No. So, you cover your hair, that's mandatory. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
-Covering your face isn't. -Is it mandatory to cover your head? | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
That's something that comes up a lot. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
So, obviously, like the general consensus is you have to cover your | 0:06:58 | 0:07:03 | |
hair, but then some people say, that's in the Hadith, | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
but if you read the Koran, it says you need to cover your upper area, | 0:07:05 | 0:07:09 | |
-your chest. -Boobs and stuff. -Yeah. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
Even if we entertain the thought that we don't have to cover our | 0:07:11 | 0:07:15 | |
hair, but we have to cover everything else, erm, | 0:07:15 | 0:07:19 | |
men only have to cover from their... | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
Navel to their knee. I found that the other day. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:25 | |
Was there a particular, you know, moment or event that you thought, | 0:07:26 | 0:07:32 | |
you know, "That's the final straw, I can't be a Muslim any more"? | 0:07:32 | 0:07:35 | |
Do you know about the wife-beating verse in the Koran? | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
You don't know about this? | 0:07:39 | 0:07:40 | |
I read it the other day. There's something... | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
If a woman is adulterous, you can beat her lightly. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:47 | |
-Is that what you're referring to? -Yeah, this is it. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:49 | |
And what the fuck does lightly mean? | 0:07:49 | 0:07:51 | |
Like, if somebody says to me that he can beat me with a stick... | 0:07:51 | 0:07:55 | |
-Yeah. -..but I can't beat him at all, that's not fucking equality. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:59 | |
-No. -Far from it. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:00 | |
Of course, it gives you, like, the tools, essentially. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:03 | |
As in you can pick out whatever, you can pick out that statement, | 0:08:03 | 0:08:06 | |
you can pick out whatever statement you like, | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
and use it to your advantage. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:10 | |
But that's not the religion's fault. That's humans being arseholes. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
So they say that if your husband wants to have sex, | 0:08:14 | 0:08:18 | |
and you turn him down, | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
the Farishta, the angels, they... | 0:08:20 | 0:08:24 | |
They curse you all night long. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:27 | |
That means I've got no choice in the matter. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:29 | |
That's in the Hadith. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
OK. Cos Hadiths are questionable, aren't they? | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
They're still there, though. And they're still used. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:38 | |
They are used, but... I don't know. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
Hadiths are often, like, I don't think you can ever rely on someone | 0:08:40 | 0:08:44 | |
else's interpretation of what they've read. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
So why didn't you stay in Islam and reform it | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
rather than leave it altogether? | 0:08:50 | 0:08:53 | |
I didn't want to be my husband's wife. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:57 | |
I wanted to remain who I was, as a person. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
And I feel like you disappear in Islam. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:05 | |
I found that quite difficult... | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
..for various reasons. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:12 | |
I found it difficult because... | 0:09:12 | 0:09:14 | |
..there was something she said | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
that I didn't know, and they actually shocked me. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
Everything she found, everything she focused on, it's so negative. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:23 | |
And it's so the opposite of me. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:24 | |
It's really weird, cos we're both from quite similar families... | 0:09:24 | 0:09:28 | |
..quite similar backgrounds. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:31 | |
We're both Pakistani, but we went such opposite ways. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:34 | |
The texts Sadia was referring to about a husband beating his wife is | 0:09:37 | 0:09:42 | |
indeed in the Koran. Chapter four, verse 34, | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
where husbands who feel their wives are disobedient may beat them. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:49 | |
The passage about angels cursing wives who won't have sex with their | 0:09:51 | 0:09:55 | |
husbands is from the Hadiths. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
But the meaning of both passages has been contested | 0:09:58 | 0:10:01 | |
by Islamic scholars through the ages. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
But for all the scholarly debates, for me, the right way for a Muslim | 0:10:08 | 0:10:12 | |
woman to behave usually comes down to one man, my dad. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:16 | |
I've got seven missed calls from my father and two text messages. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:23 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
Hello, Father. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:28 | |
Don't be worried. That's fine, don't be worried. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
Love you, bye. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
Sometimes you want to do something as a British young woman, but you | 0:10:38 | 0:10:43 | |
know your family and your culture want you to do something else, | 0:10:43 | 0:10:47 | |
and you kind of always have to pick between the two. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:51 | |
And the hard part is that, no matter what you pick, | 0:10:51 | 0:10:54 | |
you'll be letting someone down. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:57 | |
I might want to come home at 3am, be out with my girlfriends, | 0:10:57 | 0:11:01 | |
but I know my parents won't sleep until I get home. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
So I end up leaving early. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:05 | |
And my friends will say, you know, "Why are you leaving early?" | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
But if I stayed out, I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself anyway | 0:11:08 | 0:11:12 | |
cos I'd just feel too guilty. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:13 | |
Are Dad's rules really Islamic, though? | 0:11:15 | 0:11:18 | |
Or simply cultural ideas that he's inherited as a fairly typical | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
Pakistani man? | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
Who am I really obeying? | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
My father or my religion? | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
The women attending a dinner to mark Black History Month say they feel no | 0:11:33 | 0:11:37 | |
contradiction between being good Muslims | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
and living independent lives. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
I want to know how they manage it. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:46 | |
My experience of Islam has been a very Asian experience. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:51 | |
Looking at your day-to-day life, does Islam empower you? | 0:11:51 | 0:11:55 | |
-Yes. -Hell, yes. -In what way? | 0:11:55 | 0:11:56 | |
Just a fact that I'm still able, | 0:11:58 | 0:12:00 | |
within the constraints of my religion, | 0:12:00 | 0:12:04 | |
to live my day-to-day and earn my own money and that money | 0:12:04 | 0:12:09 | |
is mine by entitlement. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
My husband doesn't have a say in that money or anything. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:16 | |
Doesn't really have... He can't really restrict me from doing things | 0:12:18 | 0:12:22 | |
that are in line with my religion. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
A lot of women will tell you that Islam oppresses women. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:28 | |
Exactly. I'm, like, well, you have not met the women from my family. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:32 | |
Like, generation upon generation, it's like we are nurses, doctors, | 0:12:32 | 0:12:37 | |
landowners, multiple property owners. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:40 | |
Directors and screenwriters. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
When they kind of, like, say, "This is what a Muslim woman is." | 0:12:42 | 0:12:45 | |
I was like, "Well, you need to get out more." | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
Where do they get that from, then? | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
Where do they get that view that Muslim women are oppressed? | 0:12:50 | 0:12:54 | |
Most people, if they sat and met Muslim women, no way would they come | 0:12:54 | 0:12:58 | |
out with this idea that Muslim women are oppressed. | 0:12:58 | 0:13:01 | |
But it's this narrative that is constantly kind of regurgitated, | 0:13:01 | 0:13:05 | |
just on and on and on and on. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
And it's so tiring. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
It's tiring to fight it. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:11 | |
If anything, it's Islam that has allowed me | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
to be a very confident woman. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:16 | |
And it's Islam that has given me the ability to be able to | 0:13:16 | 0:13:20 | |
interact with men in an equal way. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
Do some people use the hijab as a form of oppression? | 0:13:22 | 0:13:27 | |
Is that where the idea comes from? | 0:13:29 | 0:13:30 | |
That some women are forced. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
Some younger girls are forced, or some wives are forced? | 0:13:32 | 0:13:35 | |
-Of course. -Is that Islam, like? | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
Of course, there's some women, children, | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
that have been forced to wear the hijab. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
But there's so many other women that haven't been forced. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
For someone to tell me, "You have to wear the hijab," | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
if someone tells me to do that, I'm taking my hijab off. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
Know what I mean? If you're going to force me to wear the hijab, | 0:13:49 | 0:13:51 | |
I'm taking it off. I wear this out of love. This is my identity. | 0:13:51 | 0:13:54 | |
This is something that I love. And I wouldn't even say I do it because my | 0:13:54 | 0:13:57 | |
God tells me to do it, you know? | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
Everything that my God tells me to do, he gives me a choice. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
I'm doing it because Sukainah wants to do it, and I love it, | 0:14:01 | 0:14:04 | |
and it's part of my religion and I own it. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
Girls like the ones that I met today, | 0:14:11 | 0:14:14 | |
I don't think I've seen very many of them. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
Women who genuinely feel empowered because of Islam. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:21 | |
They can clearly differentiate between what is Islam, | 0:14:21 | 0:14:25 | |
what is culture, what is society. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:28 | |
And that's why I wish I had this clear definition of what Islam is | 0:14:29 | 0:14:35 | |
and what Islam instructs. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:37 | |
One of the women I met at the dinner, Yasmin, | 0:14:41 | 0:14:44 | |
even described herself to me as a Muslim feminist activist. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:48 | |
How on earth does she balance an independent lifestyle | 0:14:50 | 0:14:54 | |
I can only dream of with the expectations of her family? | 0:14:54 | 0:14:59 | |
I remember having a conversation with my mum when I was maybe in my | 0:14:59 | 0:15:02 | |
early 20s, and she said, you know, | 0:15:02 | 0:15:04 | |
"Islam is a radically feminist religion." | 0:15:04 | 0:15:07 | |
She was like, "It introduced | 0:15:07 | 0:15:08 | |
"all of these things to women and fundamentally..." | 0:15:08 | 0:15:11 | |
Like, even in the Koran, it always says... | 0:15:11 | 0:15:14 | |
SHE REFERS TO A PHRASE | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
So it refers to the male believers and the female believers. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
Like, every single instance when it refers to believers, | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
it always says men and women equally. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:25 | |
Right? And so I've think that kind of probably triggered | 0:15:25 | 0:15:29 | |
this curiosity, I guess. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:30 | |
What practical examples can you give me of ways that you feel | 0:15:30 | 0:15:34 | |
Islam has liberated you rather than oppressed you? | 0:15:34 | 0:15:37 | |
My first job was as an engineer on oil and gas rigs. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:40 | |
I moved out of home, I followed my career, | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
I got a really good education, I've spoken out, | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
I have never been expected to marry anyone in particular. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:49 | |
You moved out of home and lived by yourself? | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
-Yeah. -That's amazing. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:52 | |
My family's quite liberal, but I wasn't allowed to move out, | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
I wouldn't be allowed to move out. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
I'm 28, but I won't move out until I get married. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:00 | |
That's wild. But, like, that's a cultural thing. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
Within Islam, it says if your parents are doing the wrong thing, | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
you have the right to stand up against your parents. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
Right? And it is, at the same time, you know, | 0:16:09 | 0:16:12 | |
Paradise is it the feet of your mother, | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
so even though paradise is at the feet of your mother, | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
if your mother is doing the wrong thing by Islam, | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
you have the right within Islam to say, "No." | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
And that is huge. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
But culture, oh, culture is almost, if not, stronger a hold on people. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:31 | |
Was Yasmin thinking about marriage as much as I was? | 0:16:31 | 0:16:35 | |
You know, I'm not too fussed about the marriage thing, like, | 0:16:35 | 0:16:38 | |
I think it would be nice to find a partner, | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
but one of the main motivating factors is, well, | 0:16:40 | 0:16:43 | |
I'm still holding on to the no-sex-before-marriage thing. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:46 | |
-OK. -Yeah. -Same. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
Yeah, right? And it's a struggle, right? | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
Like, we have needs. | 0:16:50 | 0:16:52 | |
Sometimes I think, "What if I reach 32 and I'm still not married," | 0:16:55 | 0:17:00 | |
which looks pretty realistic right now... | 0:17:00 | 0:17:02 | |
-LAUGHS: -I feel you. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
Yeah, I know, I... | 0:17:04 | 0:17:07 | |
-I'm with you. -Then what is going to happen? | 0:17:07 | 0:17:09 | |
Will...? It sounds so bad, like, it sounds so bad. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:12 | |
Will God be like, "I understand..." | 0:17:12 | 0:17:16 | |
Honestly, I have gotten to the age where I'm like, I am wondering that | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
too, and I know this is, like, the wildest conversation and that | 0:17:21 | 0:17:24 | |
all of these aunties are going to be like, "Stop it, Allah." | 0:17:24 | 0:17:27 | |
Like, "How could you possibly...?" | 0:17:27 | 0:17:29 | |
But the reality is, like, | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
it's not as if we have less of a sexual desire than men. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
The people often assume that Muslim women have no sexual desire. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:36 | |
No, we are all neutered apparently. | 0:17:36 | 0:17:38 | |
Like, get off it. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:39 | |
I am as randy as the next one. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:43 | |
It is clear from various references in the Koran that sex | 0:17:50 | 0:17:53 | |
should be in a lawful union. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
And men and women are given the same advice. | 0:17:56 | 0:17:59 | |
In chapter 24, verses 30 and 31, both are told to turn their eyes | 0:18:00 | 0:18:05 | |
away from temptation and to preserve their chastity. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:09 | |
Yasmin is an inspiring woman | 0:18:11 | 0:18:13 | |
who really knows her stuff and who clearly | 0:18:13 | 0:18:16 | |
feels no conflict between being an independent woman and a good Muslim. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:20 | |
But the one thing she hasn't managed to do is to find a man to share her | 0:18:23 | 0:18:26 | |
life with. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:28 | |
It's made me think about what I can expect from a husband. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
And I got a glimpse of one possible future when I secured access to a | 0:18:34 | 0:18:39 | |
seminar in East London for Muslims looking to get married. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:42 | |
One of the speakers, an imam from the local mosque, | 0:18:44 | 0:18:47 | |
was giving his advice on the roles of husbands and wives. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:51 | |
The imam began by listing the responsibilities of future husbands. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:58 | |
A husband should have confidence and trust. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
You have to trust her because she is your wife. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:03 | |
And you should love her, you should show love and affection. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:07 | |
And he should provide food, home, accommodation, | 0:19:07 | 0:19:11 | |
clothes and the basic amenities for life. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:15 | |
Yes, and also... | 0:19:15 | 0:19:16 | |
But future wives seem to have considerably more responsibilities, | 0:19:16 | 0:19:21 | |
and some of them brought me down to earth with a bump. | 0:19:21 | 0:19:24 | |
She should show him love and affection, | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
she should express her full confidence and trust in her husband. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:31 | |
She must make herself available to her husband, whenever he says, | 0:19:33 | 0:19:38 | |
"Oh, I'm ready, I need you," she must be available, | 0:19:38 | 0:19:40 | |
unless you have got a good excuse. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:43 | |
Yes. And she shall not admit anyone home her husband dislikes | 0:19:43 | 0:19:49 | |
to come in or stay in her house. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:51 | |
She must not put economic pressure on her husband. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:57 | |
She must obey her husband. | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
The wife must not travel without the consent of her husband. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:06 | |
For brothers, be generous to your wives, and for the sisters, | 0:20:06 | 0:20:10 | |
be loyal to your husbands. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
This was one man's conservative interpretation | 0:20:16 | 0:20:19 | |
of Islamic traditions, | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
and he'd even thrown in some clearly non-Islamic rules | 0:20:21 | 0:20:24 | |
about social media. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:27 | |
Brothers and sisters should avoid using Facebook. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:31 | |
Always there are so problems because Facebook contact sometimes doesn't | 0:20:31 | 0:20:35 | |
represent the reality. | 0:20:35 | 0:20:37 | |
There are so many problems which come after that. | 0:20:37 | 0:20:40 | |
Most of the participants didn't want to talk to me, | 0:20:42 | 0:20:45 | |
but one young woman did, | 0:20:45 | 0:20:46 | |
and she seemed to accept conditions I don't think I could put up with. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:50 | |
How long have you been looking for? | 0:20:51 | 0:20:53 | |
So I started meeting people when I was 21. | 0:20:53 | 0:20:57 | |
I'm now 28. Seven years later, | 0:20:57 | 0:20:58 | |
I am still searching for that right person. | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
You know he was saying, "If you meet, you always have to have | 0:21:00 | 0:21:03 | |
"someone with you," and, you know, | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
"you will meet a few times, you will get to know the person." | 0:21:05 | 0:21:07 | |
-Yeah. -Do you abide by all those restrictions when you are...? | 0:21:07 | 0:21:10 | |
I have my brother present... | 0:21:10 | 0:21:11 | |
-Always? -So he is not present when I have a conversation with a potential | 0:21:11 | 0:21:15 | |
suitor, but he is part of the process and he is | 0:21:15 | 0:21:18 | |
there in the background. | 0:21:18 | 0:21:19 | |
So my brother will even meet the man first and see if he thinks | 0:21:19 | 0:21:22 | |
he will be suitable for me or not. | 0:21:22 | 0:21:23 | |
It is important to me to marry within my faith, | 0:21:26 | 0:21:29 | |
but will Muslim men want a wife like me, | 0:21:29 | 0:21:32 | |
with an independent streak and ambition? | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
At 28, I'm considered quite old to be unmarried in my community, | 0:21:36 | 0:21:40 | |
so the question is real for me. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:42 | |
I decided to see for myself what a cross-section of Muslim men expect | 0:21:45 | 0:21:49 | |
from a wife. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:51 | |
So in the spirit of research, | 0:21:51 | 0:21:52 | |
I ventured out onto the Islamic online dating scene. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:56 | |
Let's see if I can find my husband. | 0:21:58 | 0:22:00 | |
Number one priority for me, | 0:22:01 | 0:22:02 | |
someone who doesn't come and try and control me. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:05 | |
I have found this app called Muzmatch. | 0:22:05 | 0:22:08 | |
It says, "Muzmatch is for anyone seeking a Muslim marriage. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:13 | |
"Keep things halal." | 0:22:13 | 0:22:15 | |
Sounds good. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:18 | |
"Select profile picture." | 0:22:20 | 0:22:22 | |
This is my favourite bit. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:24 | |
We don't want anything too... | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
..provocative! | 0:22:27 | 0:22:28 | |
"Islamic dress - modest, hijab, jilbab, niqab." | 0:22:32 | 0:22:38 | |
So, what if I don't even dress modestly? | 0:22:39 | 0:22:42 | |
Why does it start from modest? | 0:22:42 | 0:22:43 | |
Wow, I'm, like, bottom of the pile. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:47 | |
"How religious are you?" OK. What are the options? | 0:22:48 | 0:22:50 | |
"Practising. Very practising. Moderately practising. | 0:22:50 | 0:22:56 | |
"Not practising." | 0:22:56 | 0:22:57 | |
Depends what you count as practising. | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
That's a really hard question. | 0:23:00 | 0:23:02 | |
Practising? | 0:23:02 | 0:23:03 | |
Am I practising? | 0:23:04 | 0:23:05 | |
Eurgh! | 0:23:07 | 0:23:08 | |
I want someone who religiously is on the same level as me. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:11 | |
Just a male version of me. | 0:23:11 | 0:23:13 | |
Surely he is out there somewhere. | 0:23:13 | 0:23:16 | |
This is really exciting. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:19 | |
-Good to see you. Looking good. -Thank you. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:31 | |
I don't know what you fancy. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:32 | |
-I don't mind, actually. -Besides me. I'm joking! | 0:23:32 | 0:23:35 | |
That's not a bad starter. | 0:23:37 | 0:23:38 | |
I think it's OK, in my subjective opinion. | 0:23:40 | 0:23:42 | |
What if one day I decide to wear a hijab? | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
-Right now, it's not for me. -That would be a good thing. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:46 | |
It wouldn't be an issue for me. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:47 | |
I would definitely like that, yeah. | 0:23:47 | 0:23:49 | |
After you are married, would you be living at home with your mum? | 0:23:50 | 0:23:55 | |
Maybe not initially, potentially, but long-term, | 0:23:55 | 0:23:58 | |
I would want my mum to stay with me. | 0:23:58 | 0:24:00 | |
Say if my wife comes across my mum, | 0:24:00 | 0:24:04 | |
arrogant, rude, sorry, I would have to side with my mum. | 0:24:04 | 0:24:08 | |
It is a different era now, it is not expected, no way. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:12 | |
-OK. -That is really surprising. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:15 | |
I am guessing if we went to Morocco together, | 0:24:15 | 0:24:17 | |
because that is where you're from, right? | 0:24:17 | 0:24:19 | |
I wouldn't be on the beach or by the pool wearing a bikini. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:22 | |
If I'm honest, my preference wouldn't necessarily be to someone | 0:24:25 | 0:24:28 | |
who walks around in a bikini necessarily. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:30 | |
-You are cool with her wearing a bikini? -Yeah. -OK. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:33 | |
-You can wear what you want. -That's... | 0:24:33 | 0:24:35 | |
Wear what you want. I do not have a problem with that. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:37 | |
If they go, like, "That's it, I am no longer a Muslim," | 0:24:37 | 0:24:41 | |
that is a deal-breaker for me, I can't be with someone like that. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:46 | |
Niqab? Yeah, that would be a problem for me. | 0:24:46 | 0:24:48 | |
-Yeah? -Yeah. -Is that a step too far? | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
-Yeah. -Am I how you expected me to be? | 0:24:50 | 0:24:53 | |
-You seem quite nice, actually. -Quite nice? -Very nice, very nice. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:56 | |
-Sorry, wrong word there. -Would you like a second date? | 0:24:56 | 0:24:59 | |
-Off the record. -Would you like to marry me? | 0:24:59 | 0:25:02 | |
-Yeah. -Cool. -I would. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:04 | |
I didn't know you was going to ask that question. | 0:25:04 | 0:25:07 | |
I had, like, some tingling sensation. | 0:25:08 | 0:25:10 | |
I swear to God, or Allah here, I'm not lying. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:13 | |
The dates proved that | 0:25:25 | 0:25:27 | |
there isn't one version of a good Muslim husband, | 0:25:27 | 0:25:30 | |
just as there isn't one version of a good Muslim wife. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:32 | |
To find out what happens when an Islamic marriage falls apart, | 0:25:41 | 0:25:45 | |
I attended a sharia council in Birmingham. | 0:25:45 | 0:25:47 | |
Here, women come to seek a divorce, | 0:25:49 | 0:25:52 | |
recognised under Islamic but not civil law. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:54 | |
So, what happened? | 0:25:57 | 0:25:58 | |
Do all of them have autism? | 0:26:02 | 0:26:04 | |
How many...? | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
Does he support you financially? | 0:26:32 | 0:26:34 | |
Does he give you money? | 0:26:36 | 0:26:37 | |
We understand, as a panel, that this marriage is not functioning, | 0:26:40 | 0:26:46 | |
it is not helping you, and the marriage is about love, compassion, | 0:26:46 | 0:26:51 | |
trust and respect, and of course, there should be financial support, | 0:26:51 | 0:26:57 | |
which isn't there, and so, as it stands at the moment, | 0:26:57 | 0:27:02 | |
the panel is in agreement that this marriage should be dissolved. | 0:27:02 | 0:27:06 | |
I was shocked the husbands weren't required to attend. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:10 | |
If they want a divorce, | 0:27:10 | 0:27:12 | |
all they need to do is announce it three times at monthly intervals. | 0:27:12 | 0:27:16 | |
I sat in two cases where women had come in to ask for a divorce. | 0:27:17 | 0:27:24 | |
In both cases, the husbands were not present. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:28 | |
In the second case, she hadn't seen her husband for five years, | 0:27:28 | 0:27:33 | |
hadn't heard from him in five years... | 0:27:33 | 0:27:35 | |
..but he was refusing to give her a divorce too. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:40 | |
This woman said, "I can't bear him, I cannot bear him, | 0:27:40 | 0:27:43 | |
"I cannot be with this man any more, because even when we were together, | 0:27:43 | 0:27:47 | |
"he was just awful to me." | 0:27:47 | 0:27:50 | |
But they have to wait for a group of strangers to deliberate and say, | 0:27:54 | 0:27:59 | |
"Oh, I understand it must be quite hard for you to, you know, give | 0:27:59 | 0:28:02 | |
"the kids, if that's what he is asking." | 0:28:02 | 0:28:04 | |
It must be hard? | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 | |
I don't understand. | 0:28:06 | 0:28:07 | |
I watched nine cases being deliberated. | 0:28:11 | 0:28:14 | |
All of the women were granted a divorce. | 0:28:14 | 0:28:17 | |
While the details of their unhappy marriages aren't particular to their | 0:28:17 | 0:28:20 | |
faith, I was left with the feeling that this was an ordeal that women | 0:28:20 | 0:28:24 | |
had to go through and from which the men could excuse themselves. | 0:28:24 | 0:28:28 | |
I wanted to talk to Dr Amra Bone, one of the judges, | 0:28:31 | 0:28:35 | |
about women's rights and marriage. | 0:28:35 | 0:28:36 | |
The hardest part to see... | 0:28:38 | 0:28:39 | |
I'm sorry. ..was that some of these women have been hanging on | 0:28:40 | 0:28:46 | |
for five years, waiting for... | 0:28:46 | 0:28:49 | |
Because the man is with another family, with another woman, | 0:28:49 | 0:28:55 | |
but refusing to let go. | 0:28:55 | 0:28:58 | |
We do ask this question to women. | 0:28:58 | 0:28:59 | |
We say, "Why did it take you so long to come here?" | 0:28:59 | 0:29:02 | |
And they just often say, | 0:29:02 | 0:29:04 | |
"We weren't ready, we wanted to give it more time." | 0:29:04 | 0:29:07 | |
In Islam, a woman is not prisoned when she marries. | 0:29:07 | 0:29:11 | |
She, out of her free choice, she chooses to marry the person. | 0:29:11 | 0:29:15 | |
I did hear that if a husband wants to have sex with his wife... | 0:29:15 | 0:29:23 | |
..if she refuses, then the angels curse her throughout the night. | 0:29:25 | 0:29:29 | |
Well, I think there is so many... | 0:29:29 | 0:29:31 | |
People will say, "Oh, there is this Hadith or that Hadith." | 0:29:31 | 0:29:34 | |
But if you have to look | 0:29:34 | 0:29:36 | |
at the overall principle of Islamic teaching. | 0:29:36 | 0:29:39 | |
Islam is not as literal as people have made it out to be. | 0:29:39 | 0:29:42 | |
Islam, Islamic teachings are there to guide both men and women, | 0:29:42 | 0:29:47 | |
to behave towards each other with respect and kindness and love. | 0:29:47 | 0:29:51 | |
People often talk about how it says, | 0:29:51 | 0:29:54 | |
the Koran says you can beat your wife gently. | 0:29:54 | 0:29:58 | |
Well, again, how you understand that is the point. | 0:29:58 | 0:30:03 | |
Did the Prophet ever beat his wife? | 0:30:03 | 0:30:05 | |
Never in his life. | 0:30:05 | 0:30:06 | |
And what did the Koran say? | 0:30:06 | 0:30:08 | |
The Koran says he is... Which means he is an example for you, | 0:30:08 | 0:30:12 | |
the best example for you. | 0:30:12 | 0:30:15 | |
And actually, he was in a monogamous relationship. | 0:30:15 | 0:30:17 | |
He never hit a woman ever in his life. | 0:30:17 | 0:30:19 | |
He was in a monogamous relationship with Khadijah | 0:30:19 | 0:30:23 | |
for how many years, in a society where it was completely polygamous. | 0:30:23 | 0:30:28 | |
This was a completely new world to me, | 0:30:28 | 0:30:30 | |
I have never seen anything like... | 0:30:30 | 0:30:32 | |
Like, I have never seen anything... | 0:30:32 | 0:30:34 | |
I haven't seen cases like this, I haven't seen these kind of | 0:30:34 | 0:30:39 | |
discussions when it comes to divorce and a panel sitting there. | 0:30:39 | 0:30:45 | |
This is miles away from the Islam I have grown up with, | 0:30:45 | 0:30:48 | |
I have just never seen anything like this. | 0:30:48 | 0:30:50 | |
This journey is teaching me that my struggle to be both an independent | 0:30:55 | 0:30:59 | |
woman and a good Muslim isn't so much to do with Islam itself, | 0:30:59 | 0:31:03 | |
but with men's interpretation of it. | 0:31:03 | 0:31:05 | |
And there is one man's interpretation above all | 0:31:07 | 0:31:10 | |
that matters to me. | 0:31:10 | 0:31:11 | |
I have met so many girls on this journey and I've learnt so much. | 0:31:15 | 0:31:20 | |
Some things that made me feel quite comfortable, | 0:31:20 | 0:31:23 | |
some things that made me realise, actually, | 0:31:23 | 0:31:26 | |
Islam gives me so many rights that maybe even I can be more | 0:31:26 | 0:31:31 | |
independent and still be a good Muslim woman. | 0:31:31 | 0:31:34 | |
So I am going to go and have a conversation with my father about my | 0:31:34 | 0:31:38 | |
own independence. | 0:31:38 | 0:31:40 | |
It's not really a conversation we have within our household, so I | 0:31:40 | 0:31:42 | |
don't know how he's going to react or if he'll even take it seriously. | 0:31:42 | 0:31:45 | |
But I think it's about time that I had that conversation. | 0:31:47 | 0:31:50 | |
I would like... The 11 o'clock curfew has to stop. | 0:32:04 | 0:32:07 | |
You can't wait up for me and make me rush home every time I go out. | 0:32:08 | 0:32:13 | |
Can we change the bond to not calling me...? | 0:32:13 | 0:32:16 | |
No, it can't happen! | 0:32:16 | 0:32:18 | |
Because if you are away and I don't hear from you... | 0:32:18 | 0:32:21 | |
Yes, if you keep on, keep me posted that, | 0:32:21 | 0:32:24 | |
"I'm OK, Dad, everything is fine," then OK. | 0:32:24 | 0:32:27 | |
I can do that, once a day. | 0:32:27 | 0:32:29 | |
No, not once a day! | 0:32:29 | 0:32:30 | |
If you are away for ten hours, | 0:32:30 | 0:32:31 | |
I must at least get that message five times. | 0:32:31 | 0:32:33 | |
-No... -No, this is... | 0:32:33 | 0:32:36 | |
We need to negotiate. We can't live like this any more, this is a joke. | 0:32:36 | 0:32:40 | |
We need to come to some sort of... | 0:32:40 | 0:32:42 | |
-Agreement. -Yes, agreement. | 0:32:42 | 0:32:43 | |
You are dictating me terms and conditions | 0:32:44 | 0:32:47 | |
of how you want to live your life. | 0:32:47 | 0:32:49 | |
-Yes. -Isn't it? Am I wrong in saying that? | 0:32:49 | 0:32:52 | |
-Yes. -That's not acceptable to me. | 0:32:52 | 0:32:55 | |
-Because... -Papa, you can just be normal and say... | 0:32:55 | 0:32:58 | |
Yeah, you are telling me four, five, six... | 0:32:58 | 0:33:00 | |
"I understand what you're trying to say. | 0:33:00 | 0:33:03 | |
"You want a bit more freedom and maybe we are overprotective. | 0:33:03 | 0:33:06 | |
"We just want you to be safe, but maybe I can try and see if I can do | 0:33:06 | 0:33:09 | |
"that, but no promises." You don't have to say, | 0:33:09 | 0:33:11 | |
-"Oh, you are dictating, that is not acceptable to me." -OK. | 0:33:11 | 0:33:14 | |
One of the girls I met actually showed me a bit from the Koran where | 0:33:14 | 0:33:17 | |
it says, you can question and challenge our parents, | 0:33:17 | 0:33:20 | |
you can go against them. | 0:33:20 | 0:33:22 | |
This is what you are saying today, | 0:33:22 | 0:33:23 | |
but I never dared to even question again. | 0:33:23 | 0:33:27 | |
We thought whatever our elders or our guardians or our parents said | 0:33:27 | 0:33:32 | |
was to be obeyed. | 0:33:32 | 0:33:35 | |
What if I want to live by myself? | 0:33:35 | 0:33:37 | |
You're most welcome, if you can live without us. | 0:33:37 | 0:33:39 | |
-That's a lie. -I will miss you, that is a different story, | 0:33:39 | 0:33:43 | |
because I love you, sweetheart. | 0:33:43 | 0:33:45 | |
I will maybe stay down under your stairs to look after you. | 0:33:45 | 0:33:49 | |
-Like Harry Potter! -That is my problem. | 0:33:49 | 0:33:52 | |
I may come every weekend or maybe twice in a week, | 0:33:52 | 0:33:56 | |
I will telephone you a million times, | 0:33:56 | 0:33:59 | |
but I will not become a hurdle in your life. | 0:33:59 | 0:34:02 | |
Give us a hug. | 0:34:03 | 0:34:04 | |
-Are you happy now? -Yeah, but I'll believe it when I see it. | 0:34:06 | 0:34:09 | |
-Seeing is believing. -Seeing is believing. | 0:34:10 | 0:34:13 | |
OK. | 0:34:13 | 0:34:14 | |
I've realised that Islam in practice | 0:34:18 | 0:34:20 | |
is always worked out between people. | 0:34:20 | 0:34:23 | |
Daughters and their fathers, wives and their husbands. | 0:34:24 | 0:34:28 | |
But it's also become clear to me that in order to get what you want, | 0:34:28 | 0:34:32 | |
you have to know your rights. | 0:34:32 | 0:34:33 | |
And half of these rights I haven't heard of before. | 0:34:35 | 0:34:38 | |
So why is it that lots of women's rights in general | 0:34:39 | 0:34:45 | |
are almost hidden and men's rights are emphasised? | 0:34:45 | 0:34:52 | |
So it's great that I'm going on this journey, but there are still | 0:34:52 | 0:34:55 | |
thousands of girls who are going to go through shit | 0:34:55 | 0:34:58 | |
because they don't know their rights, and even if they know them, | 0:34:58 | 0:35:01 | |
they won't be permitted to exercise them. | 0:35:01 | 0:35:04 | |
And that made me... | 0:35:04 | 0:35:05 | |
..frustrated, cos there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. | 0:35:10 | 0:35:12 | |
I have seen too many amazing women become shadows of the girl that they | 0:35:15 | 0:35:19 | |
used to be... | 0:35:19 | 0:35:20 | |
..after they got married. | 0:35:22 | 0:35:24 | |
I'm not going to be that girl. | 0:35:25 | 0:35:26 |