Korkey's Six Nations

Oh, BBC Wales. "Dear Chris, we liked your last offering, (Wales

And The Five Other Nations). Can you do it again this year? Only

this time, change the title to something shorter. PS. If you don't

blow the budget, you can go to one of the games, too. But you need a

Cost of title sequence, 7p. Right, then. So, what can we do in this

next half hour? Well, I'll need to meet up with a Welsh legend, an

English legend, and blag my way into a game at the Millennium

Stadium. Plus visit headquarters to feel the vibe before the England

game. The moment Big Ben chimes away the new year, I can't wait for

the Six Nations to start. And it's fair to say, like all Welsh people,

when I'm watching a game, I get involved. My producer knew this and

thought it would be a good idea to watch me watching the Ireland game,

live. Keep still and stay in your chair, he said.b I think he was

taking the mick. Come on! No! 3-0. taking the mick. Come on! No! 3-0.

That'll do. Go on! That's got to be a try!

COMMENTATOR: I can't see how that'll be given. You're Irish. I

hate that, when they show highlights and it stops the game.

Yes! Great try. He's holding on, ref. That's our penalty. Oh, no!

Shocker. Oh, there's a gap. COMMENTATOR: Ireland have got

something better than a penalty. It's a try.

COMMENTATOR: And the lead goes to 8 points. Agh. Arrrrrrgh. It's all a

bit predictable. Yes! Great kick, Halfpenny. Come on, come on, get

this line-up. Go on! Oh, that's a great pass! Yes! Awesome! Boom!

What a brilliant try. Keep the momentum now. Go on, ship it up,

Toby. Get hold of him! You've got to squeeze! Good tackle, George

North. COMMENTATOR: Having a slug of water. What the hell are you

doing, Bradley Davies? COMMENTATOR: A long ball to Tommy Bowe, who

scores! You need to get people in there, you idiots! Here we go.

Hands! Yes! Yeeeeeeeeees! Keep playing, boys, keep playing. That's

it, great. Go on, Jamie Roberts. Get over him! Be patient, get over

him! Come on, get over him. Yes! Come on! It's a penalty. This is a

match-winning kick. I can't bear it. What a game. But for the national

papers it was all about England. And let's face it, they hardly set

the world alight. Look, it's Monday and there's a double page spread on

the England game which was on the Saturday. Yet Wales's game which

was on the Sunday - half a page. Still at least the western Mail's

interested. How many pages have they got? One, two, three,

four..five, six, seven, eight. Nine, ten They must have loads of people

With Delme Parfitt as my mentor, the Western Mail gave me my chance.

350 words on the Wales Scotland game, I was told I had to deliver

by 9pm. But that's all I was told. What sort of words and how to it,

were still a bit of a mystery. And this was a very different sort of

writing to what I was used to. For a start, you couldn't just make

stuff up. We were sat in the press box amongst all the journos and I

was out of my depth. Five mins into the game and what I needed was

advice from one of the most well respected rugby journalists in

Wales. What have you written so far?

vs Scotland. Ha-ha! I've got the teams right.

John's got a computer. Why have you just got a pad? Well, I'm not

filing urgently, so I can afford to make notes and bash it out in the

office. I've written phrases to get in. "He

had so much time, he could have texted home to say how well he was

doing." Do you know what I mean? Phrases like that. I might steal

that, actually. No, I'm putting that in mine. I'm

getting that in somewhere. You don't want to put too many of

them in, though. It becomes like an episode of Blackadder then. He

twisted and turned like a twisty turny thing. No, you don't want

that. As dominant as a mouse general in a

cat army. That's a good one. That's a candidate.

But Delme's politeness wasn't going to help me hit my deadline. I

needed answers. Seriously, how much do I need to be

writing down, and what do you write down? You don't write down

everything that you see. The least you need to do is keep a record of

the score as it unfolds. I'm jotting down some phrases

associated with players. Jamie Roberts, like a really good-looking

ogre on a rampage through a Hobbit village. But he hasn't done it yet.

I wish he'd do it. Why don't you nip on and tell him?

I think they're going to score here. And they'll have deserved it, to be

honest. At the end of the first half, from

the press perspective, it had been uneventful. Not a heck of a lot to

write about. From a fans perspective it had been, well,

wobbly. Luckily the second half was a

different story. From my position in one of the best seats in the

house, I started to getunprofessional.

Sit down. You're supposed to be a hard-nosed journalist.

Great try! How many minutes? 42 minutes.

OK, now write something down. Patient build-up, going through the

structure. Phases. Phases? Phase is better. Oh, this is more like it.

How many minutes? 44 minutes. CROWD ROARS. Oh, ref! That's outrageous.

CROWD BOO. Stuff worth writing down was

starting to happen. And then Jamie Roberts delivered.

Oh, there you go! I can put my line in! There he was like a good-

looking ogre charging through a Hobbit village. It's a green light

for that line. It was all happening. Do you think I'm tempting fate to

buy give him the conversion now? would be. I'm going to write it

How do you come up with a headline? You get a feel for it.

They were having a ball! I won't be giving him this

conversion because this is likely... Oh, well I will give him this one.

See, I told you. You stick with me and you'll be fine.

Job done Wales. Job barely started. Oh go is a bit harsh, howl about

giant? I had about an hour-and-a- half to knock at 350 words. Sounds

easy? Time pressure makes it harder. Right, he we go. Words, fine. Words,

what are they? No idea. Any good? Rubbish. OK.

Got to be accurate. Oh God, people are leaving. Come on. Right, OK.

This young Welsh team feel special and are on the brink of doing

something to match their talents. Finished. Good for a first go.

Really nice piece. Thanks. But I had gone over my word count. Was it

going to fit? Yes, it was fine. In fact, I was far too pleased with

myself. Like a giant rampaging through a

Hobbit village. I was on a roll and when on a roll, why not do the

obvious thing? Text someone famous. High, Will Carling. You don't know

me, but I feel like I know you like an old friend. Heated adversary.

Fancy a coffee? Best wishes, Chris. Little case.

Back in the day when the world was black and white and this was the

height of luxury travel. The Twickenham trip was the trip abroad

and it really was a broad as the Severn Bridge was not even built

and the car ferry was the equivalent of the M4. Come on, put

your foot down. Shut up, you nutter. It is too expensive. There is a

song about this trip it is as popular now as it was back in the

seventies. We played a-week initialling for

HE SINGS. The next verse starts, into

Paddington we did role. To tell the story properly and I needed a

showbiz coincidence where I bumped into Max Boyce himself. Oh, he we

are. It does not get much better than this. A chat with the Welsh

rugby legend in the first class carriage where I am told you get

free biscuits. Writer of legend ary hymns, tell me

how did it all start because it is bigger than ever. I wrote it when I

started out as a folk singer. Little did I think it would still

be sunk now. Were those famous lyrics based in reality?

collected every week at Twickenham will club card and paid in. It

showed how much I paid in every month. It was a shilling it so I

wondered why I started that song about paying a week in the shelling.

We had to put, everybody now put five fingers up. We only ever had

four fingers. So he was fined every week. He paid for about for all

So many there we couldn't budge, twisted legs and pale. My favourite

hymns... Coffee is it? Crisps? was before the England game in

I never watch anything back. We sympathise with an English

friend whose team was doomed to fail... Listen to that. 80,000

people. Has that ever been sung along with as brilliantly? It was a

lovely sunny day, and at the end, you know, you couldn't have

scripted it that way. The London Welsh Choir backing me, and Tom

Jones, and 80,000, I mean... Yes, I was there. So, what is your

memories of leading into the performance? Were you nervous? I

was very nervous, because of the occasion and Tom Jones. 80,000

people, just to sing. I was singing the song and all the English

players or on the field, running pass me. And Matt Dawson came right

up and said, my mother loves you! Before the England and Wales game!

How I kept going, I'll never know. And then I reminded Max about

another great moment. See if you remember this - 2008 Grand Slam

game... Oh, yes. And listen. EDDIE BUTLER: 'And Swing Lo gives way to

Hymns And Arias - what is going on here at Twickenham? It is a

remarkable Welsh comeback.' That was humbling - I'd heard it sung at

Cardiff, never thought I'd hear it sung at Twickenham, it was a

magical moment. The game changed, and they wanted to express what

they felt, and they used the song to express it. Ah, more biscuits!

I'll have the chocolate ones please. I'll have vote crunch. I don't like

them. You've got to ask me now, is there anything else? Is there

anything else? Yes, can I have some more biscuits, please?! I've never

done first class - we can sell them when we get to Paddington! So, are

you looking forward to this game coming up? England game? Yep.

every game is wonderful in the Six Nations, and, er... Oh, hang on,

sorry, Max. There's a... Oh, it's a text from Will Carling, look. "Hi,

Korkey, sure, pop round. With the '93 Lions I shared a room with

Scott Gibbs, who kept me out of the test team, so it won't be the first

time a Welshman 'has had a laugh at my expense. I'll put the kettle on.

Big kiss." Ah. Listen, I'm going to have to go. Sorry, Max. Give my

regards. Ta-ta. You left your biscuit!

Will Carling. And man who at the age of 22 took the England

captaincy and turned them from perennial losers into Grand Slam

winners. And the man who ruined the Nineties Welsh rugby fans loved to

hate. Probably because he didn't smile much and everybody thought he

was a bit of a... Everybody thought he epitomised English arrogance,

but on first impressions, he was all right. Most of my time was

spent thinking, this is where Edwards played, and JPR Williams.

This was the Arms Park. But then we lost. What was that like going

first time out? It was pouring with rain and Rob

Jones box kicked us to death. We were gone. We got beaten. For me, I

remember I drove back the next day, stopped in the first service

station, got some drink and there was a coachload of Welsh supporters.

When I came out of the shop, they had made this tunnel all the way

out. And the abuse I got walking I remember getting in my car, I

can't repeat it, but I remember thinking...yeah, not next time.

Really? I thought you were going to say they clapped you through. Right,

it was time to find out about England players of his generation.

When you played, was Dean Richards the latest player in training as

one would assume? -- laziest. Yes, we would get in the changing

rooms an hour and a bit before. Everyone had their warm-up routines.

Dean would sit down fully dressed, would get out the paper and do the

crossword. Honestly. You would sit opposite me at Twickenham and about

15, 20 minutes to go, I would have to say to him, Deano, 15 minutes.

And he would put his paper down, put the pen down, eventually put

his kit on, he wouldn't even pull his socks up. He might touch his

toes, not all the way down, and he would go out and be brilliant. But

that would be him. He would sit and do the crossword. Was he the

hardest guy you played with or against? I think Winters probably,

Winterbottom. We played the South- West. I got caught in this ruck,

and they had John Hall, Chilcott, you know, and they were kicking me

to death. "Who's the new kid? Give him some." And there was

Winterbottom, my hero and teammate, about two yards away, just looking

at me, like that. I'm thinking... Eventually it stopped, the whistle

went, and I got up and walked past him and he went, "Well done." I

went, "What?" He went, "Don't ever make a noise, mate, "just

encourages them." So, growing up as a kid, who were your rugby heroes?

It was all the Welsh boys - JPR, Gareth Edwards, Phil Bennett. When

I was about eight my dad had to break the news to me that I was

English. We're the guys in white, Will, and we lose. I've got some of

your greatest rugby moments here that I wonder if you could talk us

through? Mmm. Oh, yeah. No, this is... This is a great... This is

special, this is... People don't understand skill, see? Look at that

- being able to run...and... Push! THEY LAUGH. That's a great try.

was. I was very grateful to you for that, because I had you in the

sweepstake. So, externally, I was, "Oh, no!" Internally, I was, "Yes!"

How much did you win? 45 quid. OK, just talk us through this one, as

well. Yeah. Particularly about the tackling. Ah... Yeah, I'm not sure

what was going on. Look at that! It was just sheer fear - oh, keep away

from me! Who was the guy...? He tried to get me with his knees,

didn't he? He comes in, and luckily his missed... There. In fairness,

that is a great finish, but the tackling... ..was... Some things

you just can't stop. This one you can commentate over - you're Eddie

Butler. A nobody likes to see this the! The little porker has been

held up! I thought... I thought you could ask me some questions. I have

prepared some questions. It is Mastermind. Can we have our first

contestant please. Occupation? Broadcaster and comedian. Maybe

just leave that as broadcaster. Specialist subject? Will Carling.

Who was the rugby union centre who became the youngest-ever English

captain of the AA -- aged 22? Carling. Who was in the second

Regiment of Wales? Will Carling. Who was criticised for not passing

the ball out of the backs? Will Carling. Who led England to three

Grand Slams in the 90s? Will Carling. Who has a social

networking page about him called Will Carling fan club which was

last updated in 2002? Will Carling. I have started so I'll finish. Who

was the greatest England player of all time? You have scored six

points. And no passes. It is sad when somebody last that they are

prepared jokes. Will Carling was a top bloke. So, Twickenham, we have

only won here twice in 25 years. It is -- it is a big, cold, open

stadium. The wind can sap the energy from you, a ghost of the

cold-hearted dominance from the era back in the day. But that era has

This is a big game on Saturday. We are starting as favourites. It

wasn't quite the same in 2008. England had just lost in the final

of the World Cup. I get the impression that you are supremely

confident? I am confident. 20 points difference. And for the

first half, it looked like Jerry was going to be right. They started

Then they started knocking out Welsh flankers, and then they

scored a try... It was a bit of a nightmare. So dominant were England

in that first half that the only highlight for Wells was Matt Jones

narrowly missing getting his head taken off. Second half, England got

off to a good start. They were 96 up at this point. But then... A

penalty brought it back to 99. Then something weird happened, because

we started doing stuff. England started... I don't know, something

weird happened. They all started panicking and playing in the wrong

direction. Two, to me, Tue, to me... This led to another penalty. That

was 19-12. And then, even Johnny Wilkinson started panicking and

chucking the sort of passes that you will be gutted if you threw in

an Under nines match. A cracking turnover, which Bottomley put us in

the position that led to this try... Scored by Lee Byrne. Just at that

moment, Welsh people started to believe. And Swing Low gives way...

What is going on here at Twickenham? It is a remarkable

Welsh Cup -- come back. Seconds later, this happened. Straight off

the kick-off... Mike Phillips scores in the corner. Wales have

scored! In it totally flipped around. In the space of, like, 30

seconds. Then we got up to 19-26. Fans were going bananas. We loved

it. England fluffed it. Watch this, Sat here in 2012, I don't get the