14/08/2011 Match of the Day 2

Hello. The Match Of The Day 2 team are here again. Proper highlights

of all of today's matches, plus all the action from Saturday guaranteed.

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 45 seconds

Lee Dixon and Dion Dublin get the I hope you're sitting comfortably.

Stoke and Chelsea coming up. But first, to The Hawthorns, where West

Brom host Manchester United, who are favourites to finish top once

again. Fergie will be dreaming of title number 20 this season. They

have already won the community shield, and Rooney's hungry,

leading from the front. The champions are going to take some

stopping. Roy Hodgson will be dreaming of another mid-table

finish. And it is not just a fantasy. Ben Foster is the new

number 1. He will hopefully be keeping it clean at the back. Steve

summer dreams - sometimes they're ripped at the seams. Hosting the

champions on the first day of the season is a wake-up call for

anybody. Ahmed Elmohamady gets the and why not? Goalkeeper David De

Gea seemed to be confident enough as to where the ball was going, and

he was proved right in the end. Clever touch from Rooney, he has

found Ashley Young. Back to Rooney! Wayne Rooney for Manchester United!

Off and running. Rooney dispatched it with great aplomb. And what a

touch that was to get it into the path of Ashley Young. From the

moment he hit that, you knew Foster wasn't going to reach it. It's a

was alarmed. He saw his defenders back-pedalling. They allowed Wayne

Rooney to get closer and closer. Problems, problems. Nani,

beautifully played. And over the top from Nani. Great build up, and

Rooney right at the heart of most of it. He might have gone for goal,

Danny Welbeck, instead, he played it back to Rooney. And Nani should

Brunt. He was telling Paul Scharner exactly where he thought the

Austrian should have been. The corner comes in from Ashley Young.

And Nani... Another chance for Nani. Ben Foster got his hands to it but

Gea. It was a nice height for the goalkeeper. Well work by West

penalty area. Vidic releases Ashley Young. Three arriving in the

penalty area. Rooney... James goalkeeper. Shane Long has

equalised on his debut. And whilst he takes the plaudits, the finger

of blame will point at David De Gea, and he knows it. Completely against

the run of most of the play of the first half, West Brom have scored.

Really, the goalkeeper should not be beaten by that. Right under his

Morrison. Shane Long couldn't get of encouragement for West Bromwich

Tamas. It was a nice, deft flick by Ashley Young, and he wanted to

chase after it. Gabriel Tamas blocked him off. Ashley Young with

the free kick... Rooney's header. I think Foster was always happy it

comfortably. Phil Jones is going to be coming on. Manchester United

already lost Vidic at half-time. At 23, Jonny Evans is now by a

distance the senior member of the Bromwich Albion man was looking for

corner given. Manchester United protest, and Andersen gets a yellow

card for his protestations. Nine times out of 10, I think you would

see the goalkeeper get a decision here. West Brom are putting as much

pressure on De Gea as they can. The corner comes in... It could go

anywhere... This time De Gea does get the decision. Welcome to the

hurly-burly of the six-yard box in the Barclays Premier League. Olsson

with the flick on, then it's ping it's in! He did it all himself.

Nine minutes to play, and Manchester United are back in front.

Ashley Young from the very narrowest of angles. He did really

well. He beat Chris Brunt, kept going and tucked it in the far

corner. Deflection helped it, I think. But Manchester United are in

front, and that's all that matters to the manager - and the goalkeeper.

Ashley Young claims the goal, was very pleased to clutch at one

Manchester United are off and running with a victory. Wayne

Rooney got the first, Shane Long equalised on his debut for West

Brom. That was a mistake by David De Gea. Ashley Young scored the

winner courtesy of a deflection off Steven Reid, with nine minutes to

go. Hard though West Brom work, the The concerns for Alex Ferguson will

be an injury to Rio Ferdinand, and in injury to -- a dodgy day before

app -- De Gea. I don't know a goalkeeper yet he has a made a

mistake in this division. It will be interesting. He will work hard

and look at that and go through it. And he will be back and performing.

Rio has got a problem with his hamstring and he will be missing

for a couple of weeks or more. Vidic, we will have a look tomorrow,

but it's not as serious as we thought it could have been, so he

will be OK. As for Roy Hodgson, he will not be happy with the result,

but must be pleased with his side's battling qualities. It looked as

though it would be a tough afternoon, especially when they

scored through Wayne Rooney, that fine goal. But after that I thought

we pooled our, particularly in the second half. -- we pooled our

bootstraps up and play some good football. Ashley Young enjoyed a

great game for Manchester knighted and came up with a match-winning

moment, but definitely not the match-winning goal -- Manchester

United. It was my first game for them in the Premiership, so I would

be delighted to claim it. But it was more important to get the three

points. It would be very unfair to put it down as an own goal.

course, I think it is. But that is down to the panel. It is more

important for us to get the three points than me be on the scoresheet.

That is just an added bonus. Just a word about Wayne Rooney, he took

his goal brilliantly. There is a freshness about him, he looks

leaner. He looks younger. He does! He looks younger than you. Thank

you. He played well, led the line well, took his goal terrifically.

He has been practising a lot in pre-season, and to get a left-foot

shot off like he did, it caught the keeper by surprise and it went into

the corner. He does look younger, is it just their hair? He s,

perhaps you'll have to try it. off to his doctor, but if you were

a play in that dressing room, you would be right for giving him stick.

Fair play, brave of him to do it because he must be getting pelted

in the dressing room. But he does look younger. He looks like 21st

sign for Everton, like a young kid, and he's playing for -- playing 11.

You have the opposite, David Seaman's pony tail. We used to have

the stick-on ones we have coming out in training. I think Rooney

Taseer is not as good as David Seaman. Whether it is a

psychological thing, Fabio Capello and Sir Alex Ferguson will be

smiling. For so they should be. All of the Manchester United team

played well, but Rooney was outstanding. His positional play

was great, his use of the ball was great. Some of the stuff we have

got here, waning great positions, really positive. -- Wayne in great

his vision, just on the right and side. And he is back on it again.

Nani should do better with that. A lot better. If you see him, just in

behind amid Phil four, collecting the ball and setting things up to

make it hard for the midfield player's -- behind the midfield of

four. But this is the one. This is where Rooney comes into his own.

Movement from Ashley Young. He knows exactly where he wants to put

the ball. Young it sees him there. Left foot, right foot, left, in the

back of the net. That is what really does, puts himself into

positions to score goals, and more often than not they hit the target.

Control with a left foot, move with the right, and hit with the left.

Superb. One of the few occasions when you returned the fought --

phone calls, talking about Ashley Young, saying he is every bit the

Manchester United player. Even looks good in the Strip. He seems

to have come into the set-up and seems to have settled in in

training and now he has got into the team and he gives them it waits

and is a typical Manchester United player. I think he has settled him

brilliantly. Today I thought his positional play, from the kick-off,

he stayed wide and gave Steven Reid a problem. He did not know whether

to go tight. He gives the ball away early on and tries to put across in

with his right foot, but he goes to the touchline and gets a yard. Very

difficult to defend. But so little ball into the box and set something

up. Great on the ball, set pieces are quality. He gets the ball,

Steven Reid cannot get close, he whips the ball in. Quality on the

ball, vision, cutting inside. What a bore this is. Sets up another

great move. This one, get so you are the yard. For exactly the same

position, watch the intelligence -- he gets a yard. We Peat Inn, no, he

checks back on the left. -- whip it in. Claiming the dole, and I'm not

so sure he is going to get this. South East Today elections.

Goalkeeper, no chance, but he gives them a chance -- two deflections.

Very difficult plane as a full-back. Really exciting to watch, and when

he did get the ball, all of the players wanted to go forwards. He's

not a negative footballer and wants to go forward. You look at the

bench, tens of millions of pounds doing nothing but getting splinters.

Whereas with West Brom, that is the problem. They missed the main man.

They did. They got into situations where they would have wanted Peter

Odemwingie to be fit. Anything in that situation, he gets into the

box, and there is the shot, but he should have done slightly better.

This one, bearing down on goal, and he does not take it off. Odemwingie,

if he gets half a chance, he wants to hit the target. There were big

spells of the game where there was an -- under so much pressure, but

they also had spells in the game of 20 minutes where Roy Hodgson was

pleased with the stuffy sort. A bit of a problem up front where they

might get the goals from, but at times they put United under

pressure and play their part in a good game. The work ethic is really

good. Go and play football, and it showed today. It is the first week

of the season and we do not want a big role to one player, Wayne

Rooney is not the only person getting used to a hairdryer -- Abe

to crawl to one player. I think Sir Alex will lay off the goalkeeper.

He made a mistake, but we have put a montage together of his day today.

Forget the quiff, he needs to sort it out. Flapping for that, but this

is a great save. Good position, good hands. This is not such a good

position. Two hands, over the top and he's made a big mistake, but he

did bounce-back in general. After each mistake, and he got knocked

about. He did get knocked about, and this is a great save. That

could have found its way in at the far post. Here, a bit of contact

but a lot of keepers like David James and David Seaman and worry

about it later. He gets a good elbow, and the face says it all.

is 20 years of age, a kid, and Sir Alex Ferguson missed out on Petr

Cech when he first came round and was determined to get this young

lad and he has to pay the consequences of having a young

goalkeeper. He will make mistakes like that. We saw all of the United

players patting him on the shoulder. They got away with it. He made a

mistake, and I think he will be a good goalkeeper. I have lost count

of the announcer the evolutions under Sir Alex Ferguson, so many

positive signs that - the amount of evolutions. You would be a brave

man to get -- bet against him. Asking people who will win the

league, most people have gone for United. When you look at the record,

it is unrivalled. Year after year he keeps building teams and winning

trophies. I can't see anybody beating them this year. They are

too strong and Sir Alex is too clever. If you have players like

Rooney and Ashley Young on form... Injuries are such as huge part of

any one season, and even the Manchester United squad, Rio out

for six weeks, Nemanja Vidic chat for week or two, Rafael, 10 weeks.

They finished with a back four and a goalkeeper with an average age of

U21. With the young goalkeeper, the two positions you want our centre-

halves to organise it. That might be a problem in the next few weeks,

but the way Sir Alex is building a squad he seems to be going for

It might be a case that the keeper has to stand up and be counted.

still has to sort his quiff out. I wish I had a quiff. On that

subject, we know Wayne Rooney has been revitalised by their hair

transplant, and maybe some people should take a leaf out of his book,

because he looks like Wayne Rooney's father. My favourite baldy,

Andy Johnson. Beautiful. Our man here, Alan Shearer. He needs to

think about it. Oh dear. The that is quite nice, actually. I've might

invest in one of those. I wouldn't bother. We have already seen the

oldest manager in the Premier League, Sir Alex Ferguson and 69,

and surely we will have the youngest and more besides before we

Next we are at the Britannia Stadium for Stoke against AVB's

Chelsea. We will look back at QPR's return to the big-time. And we will

blast through all the goals and not Let's get straight to the Britannia

Stoke have turned themselves into a real force. Mid- table and an FA

Cup final last season means European football and a chance to

get even better this year. Tony Pulis has assembled a great squad,

a winning mentality and has turned the Britannia into way fortress.

Chelsea will be turning new boss Andre Villas-Boas will make his

mark and a brief to win the title, the Champions League and everything

else. -- under a brief. They have the experience, class and quality,

Stoke City, the opening game excitement of seeing the summer

signings in action. There is just one on either team, as Jonathan

Woodgate plays the first time since November 2009. He has already

featured in Stoke's successful start in Europe and the return of

Rory Delap for Dean why Ted is the only change from the 1-0 win in

macro split -- Split. Torres plays despite mild concussion over the

a good start, Fernando Torres. Almost sneaking in. Was this

intentional at all or meant to be Shawcross and the referee has his

hand in his pocket. The ref up -- a yellow card for the Stoke City

captain. Nowhere near the ball. away. I think that's a sign that

some of the old confidence is there. He has look bright, but he just

enamoured with the decision for the three up front. The first game last

season he scored a hat-trick at head of Alex. It is defended, but

there is a lot of luck to it from a Chelsea point of view. Unconvincing

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prevents the throwing going to moments of a half for Chelsea.

Ramires trying to do it all by from the 33-year-old man in charge

from Stoke this time. It comes off the top of the chest, doesn't it?

You can see why the Stoke supporters were asking for it. Even

if it does touch the top of the arm, about the end. Torres had beaten

one defender, but it was good work referee thinks not. It was right on

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the edge, if not inside the penalty ground. He's asking for something.

I think with hope rather than expectation. John Terry heads it

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down, Woodgate's arm was around John Obi Mikel! Tipped over the top

by Asmir Begovic. That was flying in. John Obi Mikel, so close to his

first ever goal in the Premier League. And this is his 139th game

in the competition. Chelsea are still complaining about the fact

that Mark Halsey did not point to the spot when Lampard went down in

the penalty area. Well, Wilson did not touch the ball. Lampard is

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making no attempt to hurdle over Asmir Begovic. And twice Stoke have

been indebted to their Bosnia than the others. We're going to

have a Chelsea substitution. One that is greeted by the fans who

have travelled with great enthusiasm. That foul not worthy of

a yellow card, it seems, but it is a free kick to Chelsea. Straight

it very late the last time they started away from home in the

Premier League, six years ago, 1-0 at newly promoted Wigan. Ramires

does not get the free kick, but and Petr Cech judged it perfectly.

All the noise is coming from the Stoke fans. Tony Pulis will be

happier with this scoreline than Chelsea. There is no Rory Delap on

the pitch, but they have got Shotton instead. Where was Petr

Cech going? I can only presume he was pushed, he came flying out like

Superman. It looks as though it will finish goalless at the

Andre Villas-Boas. It was a difficult debut for him, as stoke

I thought we played really well in the first half. In the second half,

they're such a good team, they keep asking questions. We just showed a

spirit and commitment in the second half. In the first five minutes, we

played a bit better. The second half I think was a great effort

from everybody, because we kept very courageous on the halfway line,

always having the initiative, but unfortunately not finding the back

of the net. You had a busy second half, which was your best save?

is too much to think about, but they're all-important. The most

important thing is that we kept a clean sheet today. Last year it

took us a few games to get our first point. There were some strong

penalty shouts from the visitors. What was your view? I will have a

look at them, whether they were or not, we will have to wait and see.

We could have had one as well in the first half. But he's a good

referee, he knows what he's doing. We respect the decisions he has

made. Are you going to enjoy this? I think so, it is a massive

challenge, and I'm up for it, and my players are as well. We want to

be successful. Everyone is trying to get the Premiership title back

to us. He has left his mark already, with his team selection. A new

manager goes in, every single player has a fresh start, a chance

to get their place in the first time. That point could turn out to

be a good result, by the time we get to the end of the season. Stoke

are getting better and better. and there's signs that Tony Pulis

is not finished and the transfer market. The board has offered funds

to him, so I think he will try to improve the squad further. Today,

they played their part in a good game. Sometimes you get a goalless

draw, and it is not great. This was not the best game in the world, but

not the best game in the world, but there was some good football,

especially in the first half, from Stoke City's point of view. Chelsea

want to play the ball around, but look how they close the centre back

down. They keep going, putting the goalkeeper under pressure. Chelsea

still want to play. Etherington comes off the left wing, chasing

and chasing. Look how many men they get back defending. Seven, eight

macro players back. Someone gets his head on it, I think it is

Robert Huth. Defending for their lives. But in the second half,

sometimes you can get tired. This is still in the first half. Chelsea

look to get their full-backs forward. If you can win the ball in

the middle of midfield, that's where they're vulnerable. They did

that in the first half, a tremendous amount of work. And here,

he gets away. That's how they play, Chelsea. But sooner or later,

Chelsea's quality, especially in the second half... They get men

back but they don't close the ball down. Look how many men Stoke have

got back, but they're not getting that yard closer to the ball.

always happens, doesn't it? This sums it up for me. Look at Torres,

how he has peeled off, they don't close him down, they watch him. If

this was drawn by in the middle, this was drawn by in the middle,

Chelsea win the game. But as you said, if Chelsea say, we might come

away with a draw, they might be disappointed. But I think Stoke

deserved the point. Torres, he did not get a goal, but he looked

better. He looked like a different footballer. He looked positive, he

looked happy, he really did. He looked like he wanted to score

goals, to put himself about. This one here, great first touch,

positive all the way. Trying to get something for his team. This one,

fantastic touch, fantastic turn, and he gets brought down by Ryan

Shawcross. But what I like about Torres is, he's Staying really

positive, thinking, how can I get the shot off? Very much like David

the shot off? Very much like David Ginola, stop it and move. Look at

him, moves, gets it back, gets past two players, and that was a great

intervention from Shawcross. Just did enough with his trailing leg.

Otherwise Torres was going to score. Very positive, very good to see him

happy again. That was like his twin brother from last year. That was

unrecognisable compared to what he was like last year. Defenders

watching that tonight will be going, he's back. He looked so shop.

is a bit of a love-in tonight, let's continue that. Because by the

end of the season, you will have end of the season, you will have

upset so many referees. We try to be balanced. I think Mark Halsey

had a really good game. He had four or five penalty shouts, I think he

got most of them right. This is the first one, John Terry, I don't

think that's handball. This one, this is the one that perhaps could

have been. Shawcross on Torres. He did not give anything. And probably

the one that the Chelsea fans was screaming about, and Frank Lampard

as well. We have seen this from several angles. I think frank was

on his way down before the leg comes over. There is a bit of

contact, but he was already going down. If Mark Halsey sees that, and

he doesn't give a free kick, why didn't he book somebody for diving?

But overall I thought he got the game pretty much spot on. And my

Jones as well. Stoke in the market for more players, as we say. So all

their problems, positive ones... Definitely, the way Tony Pulis has

set his squad up, there's room for improvement, certainly up front.

There has been rumours about Peter Crouch and Palacios, and they're

big players. With players like that, and an excitement about being in

Europe, could they do a Fulham? never know, but if he gets a couple

of more players in, who says they Back to Chelsea, want to know a bit

I don't care if he's 30 or 130, this would suggest he needs to win

a trophy, or he is out the door. The thing is as well, we talk about

his age, going into the dressing room, a strong dressing room, and

we have seen that in the past with Lampard, Drogba and Terry, the

first few weeks of the season, especially in training are

important. It sets the standard and he gets into a position where the

older players respect him early on and the youngsters will watch on.

That tells you if you go from Jose Maria neo-, it will be one of the

He said if he could not exert the pressure, he shouldn't be in the

job. He has to get the team onside and players playing for him.

left two big players on the bench, didn't he? Drogba and Adel Kuyt.

was talking to Karl Robinson, the MK Dons manager -- NL Cup. He said

There ultimately, a bit of success will we knew the respect. -- will

win you the respect. He is not under the same pressure MK Dons,

they fee is winning, the plays will accept him. Before we continue, a

John Hartson will be the special guest, and there is more Lee Dixon.

Sunday nights are no longer just about the big Premier League games.

We will bring you all of the goals and incidents from Saturday. Let's

start with one of the new boys, as QPR kicked off their campaign at

Loftus Road. A memorable day for a club who have had some fine players

We've paid good money, let's go and entertain them -- they have paid

good money. Rodney Marsh has scored! So stand bowls! A beauty. -

- Stan Bowles. Francis. A good chancier. Io, superbly taken by

All of these footballers are members of QPR, and from our office

window you can hear the roar of the crowd when Rangers score. A good

turn, and the shot, it is in. What wonderful goal by Les Ferdinand!

Ray Wilkins. An absolute screamer from Wilkins! So Spencer's cross

comes in. And the shot. on the streets of London, a

celebration for the capital city with the return of Premier League

the flag is up! -- the back of the worry for QPR fans. This is a

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another goal for Bolton. Klasnic Park Rangers have really been put

in their place on their first day Hill on Petrov. He is red-carded

for it. He was booked in the first half, but I think it was a straight

red. And Queen's Park Rangers's day Brilliant for Bolton, but with QPR,

on the pitch is as important are fit. Yes, Fernandez is reported to

be buying the club tomorrow and the deal looks like it might go through

tomorrow, which for Neil Warnock, that is the thing he is looking for

in order to give him some money and some stability at the club so he

can improve the team before the transfer deadline, otherwise on

yesterday's performance, they might be in trouble. Still the Formula

One connection, because Mr Fernandez owns the Lotus team. But

we want to see Neil Warnock get a full season. He deserves it.

Characters are about like that anymore. We need him in the game

for as long as possible. A little model for QPR, although it won't

feel like that after Saturday. That is a club like Bolton. They have

done tremendously. There were few people murmuring, but it is the

first game of the season. I think Owen Coyle has done a great job and

they are established in two-way Premier League team. As you said, a

model for other teams to a map. Let's head to Anfield but first St

James' Park, and Arsenal, and we can say that they have officially

Anfield, but Sunderland prove they would be a challenge for any team.

Richardson. Luis Suarez is in. What argument in the Liverpool camp,

really high. -- and soirees has put Liverpool players and redemption

for Luis Suarez. He is on the move, might expect from Andy Carroll.

Just -- the rough and tough stuff. a debut goal for Sebastian Larsson.

area he intended, the big man. -- did not quite knock it into the

area he intended. Joey Barton was in the thick of it as he was last

season at Arsenal. -- against there. Off the line by Simpson to

decided to stamp his authority on the game, but not in a way that

Joey Barton liked. Here is the most talked-about incident of the

Joey Barton has grabbed curvy neo-. Completely unnecessary. -- go of

the neo-. Why is bottom involve? -- and suddenly Barton is on his case.

-- Peter Wilson -- Peter Wilson. There is a red card here for Joe of

made the most of it. Handbags all round, but all is fair in love and

football, and by the end of the game, jelly and Alex had kissed and

Arsenal and Barcelona have reached an agreement for the transfer of

Cesc Fabregas with the documents to be signed and the medical will take

place on Monday. Arsene Wenger has also wished him the best of luck

through gritted teeth. Oh, Fabregas is leaving! The shock story of the

week. And Samir Nasri going up the road. But if he does not want to

play, Abu -- of you go. I am a big believer if you do not want to play,

you should get some money for them and get them go. There is no point

having players who won a happy. All this sudden the training drops --

who won not happy. Individuals do not want that around because it can

spread in the club. Not if you demand to talk about this weekend

other than the Joey Barton slap. But Joey Barton said tonight that

he admitted what we knew, that he went down easy. Slightly easy. A

little slap on the cheek and he is down, but he admitted it.

Apparently he has been hit hard at school. They should have both been

sent off, would you say? He was unlucky in the per staff because he

was involved in the Song incident, but you cannot pick people up by

the throat and stay on the pitch and you also cannot go around

slapping people. Perhaps a red for both would have been suitable.

props to Sunderland. If you were a fan of them, you would be excited.

You would hope so, because Bruce is doing a fantastic job. He has a

good squad of players. Might need some goals for on somewhere. Three

more games from yesterday and we with the pressure somewhat less

than their game at the end of last season. And the shot from Mario

Formica goes in! It is a good angle, but you would have to expect your

goalkeeper to do better. Jarvis is onside, and has time to get his

cross in. Fletcher! 1-1. They were not behind for long. You cannot

allow Jarvis time to pick out the very well! He goes round the back

of Michel Salgado, and it's a penalty. I think that's fair enough.

Kevin Doyle... And Robinson guessed the right way and made a fairly

simple save. But it is turned in by Stephen Ward! Stephen Ward suite

sit in with a really well struck and well controlled left-foot

volley. Rovers did their best to draw level,

but they could not hit the target. Despite these efforts from Jason

Robertson David Goodwillie. After six years, it is a case of come on,

let's be having you. The Premier League welcomes back Delia Smith

and her beloved Norwich. He has got MOTs is in the centre... Penalty!

Was there enough to knock Di Santo out of his stride? The referee

thought so. And Wigan take the lead. Can Norwich create anything from

the set play? Fox's delivery. That's the closest they have come.

A whisker away. Grant Holt. And Al Habsi did not get there. Wes

Hoolahan did, and Norwich are level. Their first goal back in the big

time. Al Habsi will not want to see that again. Di Santo... He was

never going to get a penalty for that. Figueroa's cross. What a

chance. Rodallega is Square, and Watson hits it. There would work

comes to the rescue. Luckily, there was still time for the Norwich

defender to redeem himself, as he send Delia Smith home happy. Two

new managers on show at Craven Cottage, but they will have to wait

for their first victory. John Arne Riise... And the famous left foot

on that occasion just got underneath the ball. Mulumbu...

Offside. That's not going to count. And the assistant referee is

absolutely spot on. Darren Bent was offside. Petrov... He does not

score very many, Stiliyan Petrov, but not missing by much there.

After a year keeping the bench warm at Manchester City, Shay Given was

back to show why he's still back to show why he's still

considered one of the best goalkeepers in the Premier League.

So, 16 of the 20 teams get their season under way. At this stage,

everyone always talks about who's going to win, who is going to go

down. You cannot say, the transfer window is still open. So instead, I

have got a series of loaded questions for you. Just answer then

yes or no. Will Arsenal finish top four? Maybe. No. Will the first

manager to be sacked the British? Yes. Maybe. Will Wayne Rooney

finish top scorer? Yes. May get who will? Torres. That's a big shout.

Will Jonathan Woodgate play more than 20 games? Yes, let's hope so.

We hope so. Will Manchester United by another 'keeper at Christmas?

Yes. No. Will all three promoted clubs go straight back down? No.

Will a referees and the player off for swearing? Yes. Maybe. Will

Manchester City win a trophy of any kind? Maybe. Yes. Which one?

idea. That's not what you said earlier. He's changing his answers.

Will Joey Barton play for two premier-league clubs this season?

Yes. No. Will an English club win the Champions League? Yes! Come on,

Lee, say it. No. Will Manchester United lose a home game at any

stage? Yes. Yes. Will Andy Carroll score more goals than Luis Suarez?

Yes. No. Will Torres score more goals than Drogba? No, because

Drogba will probably be at Tottenham by then. Will he score

more goals for Spurs? Possibly. Let's have a quick recap of what

happened today in the Premier League. Chelsea started with a draw

at Stoke. It was a tough battle. Both teams deserved a point.

Champions Manchester United got off to a great start. Wayne Rooney

showed he was in sharp form, getting his first goal. But West

Brom fought back bravely. De Gea did not have a great day, but

Ashley Young was right into his stride. This is the table, which is

Don't worry, QPR fan eyes, not the start you were hoping for. Here's

some things you may have missed. At the Britannia Stadium, Didier

Drogba gives us those come to bed eyes. At Anfield, Charlie Adam

might have helped a certain Scottish manager find a new

goalkeeper. At Ewood Park, Kevin Doyle's such transplant proves less

successful than Wayne Rooney's. And a young fan at the DW Stadium bites

his nails. And remember this? We worked out who Didier Drogba was

making eyes at. That's your lot. Thank you so much for tuning in.

The Premier League is back, and you can already feel the love. Good