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Gasping

Gasping

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Transcript

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This programme contains some strong language

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THEY CHEER

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SHE GIGGLES SOFTLY

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SHE MOANS QUIETLY

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INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

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THUMP

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You all right, you stupid prick?

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SHE CHUCKLES

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SHE GROANS

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LOUD GUITAR MUSIC

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MUFFLED SHOUTS

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HE SIGHS

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PILLS RATTLE

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You're a good man. You're well liked.

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I hate to do this when the company's fought

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so hard to survive the double-dip recession.

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-Or triple dip, if we factor in your minibar bills.

-HE CHUCKLES

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-I'm going to have to let you go, Harv.

-HE SPLUTTERS

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Lemonade.

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See you at the school, daddy!

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DOOR SLAMS

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HE OPENS CAN

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CHEERING ON TV

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-ON TV:

-'..3,000 cans of lager onto the slip road...'

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How could you?

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Why won't you talk to me?

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You used to be so open.

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So loving.

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So funny.

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-Daddy's still funny, Mummy.

-No, he isn't, Ellie.

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Yes, he is. He is funny.

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He was singing and dancing

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and being funny at the party we had in the house.

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That wasn't a party, darling.

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That was something called an intervention.

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Stop running away from your problems, Harvey.

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I'm on my third liver.

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I put vodka in an omelette once.

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I've never been to church, but I'm willing to accept

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Jesus as my master, if it'll free me from this prison.

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I'm crazy for the drink.

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ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS

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'Harvey! It's Rory Napier.

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'Listen, I heard you parted company wi' Graham & Galloway.

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'I also heard you're not having much luck with anyone else.

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'This is the bottom of the barrel calling, buddy.

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'I want you back in my team.

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'Fly up to Skerra, Friday, I'll give you the tour

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'and we'll get absolutely smashed.

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'Just like old times. Woohoo!'

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An alcoholic working for a whisky distillery?!

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I mean, that's like,

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that's like a paedophile working at the Early Learning Centre!

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Harvey! When I said "stop running away from your problems",

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I didn't mean run full speed towards them!

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SHE SIGHS TEARFULLY

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You hate flying!

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You all set, aye?

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If I get one whiff of drink off you when you're back...

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..we're leaving.

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-MEN AT BAR:

-Come on!

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-IN BACKGROUND:

-Your round, buddy.

-Mine?

-Get 'em in.

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I mean, this boy ran marathons. Thin as a pin.

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Never smoked, never drank.

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He's in his house, top of the stairs, heart attack.

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Bottom of the stairs, deid.

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All that units-per-day stuff is utter bollocks.

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Drink as much as you like, is what I say.

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What about this deathtrap, eh?

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I mean, this thing must have been built, when?

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'60? '61?

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Look, ashtrays, for f...!

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-Can I get you a drink?

-Large whisky, please.

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Care for an in-flight beverage, sir?

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Can I get his? I'm a nervous flyer.

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Been in operation since 1820.

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Use peat smoke to dry the barley.

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It's the greatest smell on Earth. Other than....

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WHISTLES SUGGESTIVELY AND LAUGHS

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We can produce up to two million litres of alcohol per annum.

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That's enough to give even you a sore head. Remember South Africa?

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Rusty nails and horrible hookers?

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Yours had a claw hand!

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Come on, let me show you this.

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We're all going on holiday this year.

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All-expenses-paid.

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We're going to get up to all sorts of shit!

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These casks, double-barrelled.

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Some pretty famous clientele have bought these over the years.

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Bono, John Wayne,

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Pol Pot.

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Until he quit.

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He said it made him mean!

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HE LAUGHS

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So, how's your swing?

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Remember Osaka? Suntory Secretaries?

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You want to do it all again?

0:09:040:09:07

You with me? You feel me? You get me?

0:09:070:09:10

Take your drink.

0:09:100:09:11

Smell it.

0:09:130:09:15

Put a fucking sock in it, windbag.

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Can I see your boarding pass, please?

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Don't worry, I've seen it. Have a nice flight.

0:10:040:10:07

'Ladies and gents, this is your captain speaking.

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'Hoping to get underway in five minutes' time.

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'Please take your seats and make sure your luggage is properly stowed.

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'We are expecting quite a bit of turbulence on tonight's flight,

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'so I would ask you to remain in your seats for the duration.'

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Don't worry, son.

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We'll be in Glasgow in five minutes with this tailwind!

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HE LAUGHS

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SHAKING AND RATTLING

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This is grim.

0:11:030:11:04

-MAN YELLING BEHIND HIM:

-Where's the drink?!

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-WHISPERING SEDUCTIVELY:

-Tell me what you want.

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Tell me what you need.

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-What seems to be the problem here?

-He won't drink.

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That's ridiculous.

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He's gagging for one. Look at him.

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Take a small whisky.

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You're concerning the other passengers.

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Get a couple of these miniatures scuttled,

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and you can have a feel of Cindy's arse while you're doing it.

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Can I help you? I'm an air marshal.

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On a flight from Skerra?

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Terror can strike anywhere.

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-You look gorgeous.

-Thank you.

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This man doesn't drink. He could be Al-Qaeda.

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He has been acting suspiciously. Refused my half bottle.

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-Air rage.

-Shoe bomber, know what I mean? Who doesn't drink on a plane?

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We're at 17,000 feet. It's too late to pull him off.

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It's never too late for that.

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THEY SHOUT

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SHE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

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-Get a drink down him!

-Wait a minute!

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Who's flying the plane?

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SHE SCREAMS

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'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Glasgow Airport,

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'where the temperature is two degrees.

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'Please remain seated until the aircraft has come to

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'a complete and full stop.

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'We wish to thank you for choosing to fly with us today,

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'and look forward to seeing you again in the future.'

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THUMP

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SMASH

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SHE SNIFFS DEEPLY

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DOOR SLAMS

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FLAMES ROAR

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# My soul's on fire But my heart, she's made of stone

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# I'd be a good man if only my wicked thoughts were known

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# I don't believe in nothing that isn't shown

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# I'm not the kind of man you take back home

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# We need medicine and we need it now

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# We need medicine and we need it now... #

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