Father's Day Special Backchat with Jack Whitehall and His Dad


Father's Day Special

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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language

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APPLAUSE

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Good evening and welcome to our Father's Day special of Backchat.

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-Happy Father's Day, Daddy.

-Yeah.

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-Are you feeling in good Father's Day spirits?

-Mm-hm.

-Good.

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-Do you like your balloons?

-No.

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-What is all this, 'Dad'? I'm not a 'Dad'.

-Best dad ever.

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-I'm not... I've never been a 'Dad'.

-You are my dad.

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Sometimes I wish you weren't but you are my dad.

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But I don't answer to 'Dad'.

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I'm your father or sir, maybe.

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Sir, well, I mean it is quite hard to find shops that sell

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balloons that say, 'Best Sir Ever'.

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Next Father's' Day, I will look for those.

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To be honest, I'm not sure about Father's Day at all.

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Mother's Day I understand. That is a very important day to have.

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We have to look after our mothers.

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But Father's Day is basically just me gifting you a pair of socks

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in return for you giving me intimacy issues and low-hanging balls.

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That's all Father's Day is.

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-You know why you don't like

-Father's Day. Why?

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Because you've had one night stands with so many women

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across the country, and indeed in Europe, but you are

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always terrified that Father's Day will arrive one day

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and on your breakfast tray will be a card

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and when you open the card it will say, "Dear Daddy, love Pedro."

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LAUGHTER

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Erm... On with the show.

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Later on, we are going to be chatting to Olympic gold

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medal winner and reigning celebrity Father Of The Year, Mo Farah,

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as well as everyone's favourite call centre boss, Nev.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Would you please welcome our first guest tonight?

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It's the king of the chat show

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and the queen of Centre Court, Jonathan Ross and Judy Murray.

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APPLAUSE

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How are you doing? All right?

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Very lovely to see you.

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Lovely to meet you.

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Thank you very much for coming on the show,

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Judy Murray, Jonathan Ross.

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Now, Jonathan, this is a Father's Day special. You are a father.

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What type of father are you?

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When my kids, I've got three kids, when they were young,

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I like to think I was quite a devoted father.

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I was there for them. I made sure they dressed for school.

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I sat through any number of interminable,

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boring school plays and musicals. And bunches of kids, mine

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and others, performed and ruined many great works of art.

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Now they've grown-up, I like to think that I'm a disinterested

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and distant father.

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I sometimes pick up the phone when it's them

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and if I'm not going to pick it up, I at least let it ring out

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so they don't know I'm just saying no.

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I am there if they need me.

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But I think when your kids are growing up, especially when they are in their early 20s

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and they are at university and stuff, you've got to give them freedom, you've got to let them

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become the people they are going to become,

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and not try and police them and affect their behaviour too much.

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Judy. Wimbledon - just around the corner.

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If Andy wins this time, is he going to remember to hug you?

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He'd better.

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You are famous for getting very behind Andy in the matches.

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Does he like being cheered on - by having Mum there?

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I don't go so often now but I mean, when he was growing up and for

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pretty much all of his career, you are the person that's there.

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It's an individual sport. It's up to the parent to make things happen,

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create the opportunities for their kids.

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So he's used to me being there and I would say that whenever

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he would look at you during a match,

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whether he's 12 years old or 25 years old,

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he wants to see some kind of positive reaction

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-and sometimes my reactions would go a wee bit over the top...

-Really?

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Yeah, really.

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So, I just go in this zone where I just pretty much have my eyes

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trained on him the whole time.

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-I've been very supportive of you at school.

-No, you weren't.

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He got sent off on one of my matches once.

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Imagine, Judy, I had to go and watch him be terrible in all his sports.

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At least you had a talented son. I had to go and watch him...

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I mean, those football matches.

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He got sent off at a football match... You did.

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When you say "sent off", I wasn't on the pitch.

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You hurled obscenities at one of the teachers -

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my games master, Mr Blenkinsop.

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Blenkinsop was a total dick. You know he was.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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-He was never allowed to come and see under nines football ever again.

-No.

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This year, going back for Andy,

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do you think there is more pressure as a returning champion?

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Is some of the pressure taken off now that he's done it?

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It's a tough one.

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In some ways, the pressure is off because he has won it

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but on the other hand, you're defending something, it's yours now.

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You work so hard and it is your dream and your goal and there's

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so much about the challenge and the fight to get there.

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Suddenly, you've got it

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and everybody is trying to take it away from you.

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It's quite a different mindset.

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-Do you play tennis? You're too thin and weedy...

-Shut up.

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I'm really good at tennis. I played a lot of sport.

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I was a very keen sportsman. People think I'm bad at sport

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because I obviously look like I'm bad at sport.

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-But I'm surprisingly good.

-I saw you playing tennis once.

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And I have to say that you were very, very elegant

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but I did have to stand on the balcony for a very

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long time before you got one over the net.

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But that's cos... That's where we first...

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Well, we didn't even meet actually, you were just observing from afar.

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You're making it sound like a date.

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I do feel like it was a special first meeting.

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And you were there, on the balcony, and I was playing tennis.

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HE LAUGHS

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-What was that?!

-As soon as I did that mime, I felt...

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I was playing, you know, tennis and then someone said,

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"Judy Murray is watching you."

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I completely fell apart.

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-You were definitely flirting. He was flirting.

-He was.

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And that's inappropriate.

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A man of your age, a boy who looks like you,

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flirting with an attractive older woman. It's embarrassing.

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But Judy, you have a very alluring presence.

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Are we having a Mrs Robinson moment here?

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LAUGHTER

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-You know!

-Let's have both hands on the desk, please!

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LAUGHTER

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That's the thing, like, I mean...

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-Why has your voice got so high?

-Shut up!

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You're making me nervous! I, I, cos we're not...

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LAUGHTER

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What I was trying to do is I was trying to pay Judy a compliment

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and this is... No, you've made me really conscious. When...

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-Change the subject then.

-OK.

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LAUGHTER

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Um... Do Jamie and Andy enjoy playing doubles together?

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LAUGHTER

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No, no, I'm going to man-up.

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What I was going to say is that when we first saw you on television

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all those years ago when Andy first broke through, I think

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people's public perception of you was different.

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We thought...there is Judy Murray,

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she's a tough cookie, she's a trainer.

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-You don't want to mess with her.

-No, you do.

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LAUGHTER

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-APPLAUSE

-This is what I mean.

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You do do quite a bit of flirting with some of Andy's opponents.

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-I admire them from a distance.

-Admire them from a distance!

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There is one, there's one guy in particular.

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Yeah, there's one in particular. His name is Feliciano Lopez.

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-He's...

-We've got a picture.

-Ooh.

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See, the ladies will understand why that's quite enjoyable to

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-watch tennis when that's all going on.

-They don't play topless though.

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They often practise topless so it's...

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It's quite good to hang around the practice courts.

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LAUGHTER

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I'm sorry to disappoint you, Jack, but I don't know who that man is

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but what I can tell you is he looks nothing remotely like you.

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I... I have that, I have a very similar physique to that.

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You have a nickname for him as well?

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Yeah, I call him Deliciano for obvious reasons.

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Deliciano Lopez. And have you met him?

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Oh, yeah, I've met him.

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Of course I have, I've known him for about seven years.

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At Wimbledon two years ago, there's a German tennis player who I'm

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pally with, a girl, and she sent me a tweet that said,

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"Guess who I'm playing mixed doubles with at Wimbledon?"

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And I went, "Oh, no, not Feli?"

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And she said, "Yes. Would you like to coach us?"

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So I said, "Not sure about that. Don't know

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"if the boys would approve of that."

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Actually didn't think my heart would stand it. And she said,

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"Oh, go on, go on, we'll give you

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"5% of the prize money and a photo of Feli."

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And I said, "I'd rather have a photo

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"of the prize money and 5% of Feli."

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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I mean, I... I kind of hate him now.

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Now, Jonathan, you are a legend of chat shows.

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-Thank you, Jack.

-MILD APPLAUSE

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Yes, one person agrees.

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No, no, I would agree too.

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-Oh, thank you.

-Yes, you are, you're fantastic.

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What would your one advice be?

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What makes a great interviewer?

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I'm excited to be here anyway,

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because I've been in the business for a long time but I've

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prided myself that when I see new talent that I admire,

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I like to support it

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to ideally be part of it, and when I see someone who I think is really

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doing something new with the form, you know, it's exciting for me.

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So to be here on your show, Michael, is a wonderful thing(!)

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I thank you so much for having me because you are bringing something unique to it.

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-Yes.

-And helping out those less fortunate than you.

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-It's a marvellous, generous thing to do.

-Thank you very much, thank you.

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But, no if you're doing an interview, research is the key of course.

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Initially the building block you start with is research.

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You make sure you know as much about your guests as possible. For example with Judy, did you...?

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The questions were fine, but they... This is not a criticism as such, but they felt slightly superficial.

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OK it was like very... There was no depth there.

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Did you read Judy's autobiography before she came on the show?

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-Yep.

-Did you read all of it or did you just skim read it?

-I read it, obviously,

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because then that's how you do the questions.

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OK, well, Judy, Judy, do you have an autobiography out?

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-No.

-No.

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LAUGHTER

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-That was cruel.

-Already you've let yourself down.

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But in terms of you as a father...

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were you good at all the serious bits of fatherhood?

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Like, I can't think of you

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doing like the birds and the bees.

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-Well...

-Did you do that or did you leave that for Jane?

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No, I didn't really need to because the internet had come along,

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so I think they probably knew more about it than I did.

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No, I think Jane...

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Jane did more of that. Jane is actually much more,

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shall we say, bothered about them than I am.

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I mean, you know, I'm kind of curious,

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but she sort of actively wants to see them do well.

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I just don't want them to fuck up publicly, you know?

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And I feel like we've done a good job, you know, and

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it's difficult, I know, and I know some people look at their children

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and it's difficult for them to see, that they've put the hours in,

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but it hasn't paid off, and I know Barnaby's a lovely son, isn't he?

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-Barnaby's a good boy.

-Yes, I'm very proud of Barnaby.

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But there's always one in the group who lets you down and it's a terrible thing.

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Oh, dear. So Andy's played against some very big opponents,

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but none bigger than this opponent.

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Move aside R Fed, here he is with Overfed.

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-Um...

-Ah.

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Overfed!

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Well, that's unkind of you.

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I think that's very unkind.

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I have some more, if you'd like some more.

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I was seven months gone then and I still played tennis. That was pretty good.

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John Big McEnroe And Fries. Billie Jean Burger King.

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Fred Peri-Peri Chicken With All The Sides.

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This is just a list of jokes you have.

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Goran Can't-See-My-Knees-Evic.

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LAUGHTER

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-Come on...

-No, because the rest are really shit.

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-Let's have a look at them.

-Those were the best ones.

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OK, let's have a look what you've got.

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Anna Korma-Kova.

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How long...? You must have spent hours.

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Rafa Noodles?

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Ivan Lentil Dodger?

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-That one's not very good.

-Oh, this one's terrible.

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Venus Whale-Iams.

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-Oh, yeah, like, whale.

-Yeah, I know what it was meant to be.

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I was really proud of them.

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Fat Rafter. I like that one.

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-I've lost weight since then. I've lost a stone since then.

-I know, you look amazing.

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And I got rid of the beard. I only had the beard to hide my fat face. And your face,

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-you've lost that puppy fat. You could get rid of that now.

-No, shut up.

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-You should get rid of the beard.

-I'm growing it because I'm...

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It's for a part, that's why I've got it.

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What are you playing? Rolf Harris? Just get rid of the beard.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Take the beard off. I'd like to see...

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Wouldn't you like to see fresh-faced Jack?

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-No.

-I'd love to see fresh-faced Jack.

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-Stop it.

-I like the way you tilt your head when you ask

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me the questions. You don't do that with Jonathan.

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She's getting a bit flirty now.

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No. Now I'm really conscious of doing the head thing and I just did it.

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Judy, Judy do you find Jack attractive?

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Yeah, he's quite cute.

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And do you think maybe, I mean...?

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-I said "quite".

-Quite cute.

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You know, just if you were a long way from home, a bit bored

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and wanted a plaything,

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would you give him an evening of your time?

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He's actually too old for me.

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LAUGHTER

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I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

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I would love to be your plaything.

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Um... I want to talk, if I may, about your glamorous transformation?

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Because you have undergone a glamorous transformation.

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This is the Judy that we first knew.

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-JUDY:

-Oh!

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From trainer, to this, cougar. Oh, meow! Tartan just got sexy.

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That is a beautiful outfit and we also know where that outfit

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ended up. Mr Feliciano Lopez is responsible.

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You have to be careful with tartan though, I will warn you of that.

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Ah.

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First BBC presenter to be arrested for historic crimes against fashion.

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Now this is a bit left field. Judy, Jonathan, have you seen The Call Centre?

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-I have seen it.

-No.

-No.

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You didn't know what a call centre was

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when I mentioned the show to you.

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-No.

-Anyway to get you better acquainted with the show

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and call centres, Nev kindly invited my father

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and I to Swansea to put us through our paces and see if we could master

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the art of flogging loft insulation to random strangers over the phone.

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Here's how we got on.

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So, where is it we're going then?

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It's in Swansea.

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-Oh, God, not Wales.

-It's lovely.

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It's terrible, it's always raining.

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I can never understand anything Welsh people say.

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Well, I mean...

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-Not that they ever have anything very interesting to say anyway, but..

-I mean...

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I used to have a Welsh friend, very, very weird man he was.

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He had a funny, you know, gammy eye.

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One went that way and the other went the other way.

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Can you just try and be nice for once?

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I'm always nice.

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-We've come to see Nev.

-Yeah, if you'd like to sign in.

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Well, don't put any of my details in there.

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You know what they'll do? They'll ring your mother up in the middle of the night trying to

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sell her sex aids, once they've got the details.

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-Shut up.

-They're never off the phone.

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Shut up, I'm not putting your phone number down, I'm just signing your name in.

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-Jack! How are you?

-Hey, Nev, how are you?

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-Nice to see you, thanks for having us.

-Thank you for coming.

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How do you do? Very nice to meet you.

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Let's go. Follow me.

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There's something quite odd about all this.

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-It's not like a sort of cult thing this, is it?

-Is this like a cult?

0:16:110:16:14

I bet you'll find these women are being forced into having sex

0:16:140:16:18

with each other for his pleasure.

0:16:180:16:20

I bet they have, that's what they do.

0:16:200:16:23

-It's a call centre. It's a call centre.

-That's the cover.

0:16:230:16:29

I tried to learn what I could from the training seminar,

0:16:290:16:31

but in all honesty spent most of the time trying to

0:16:310:16:35

convince my father that it wasn't about to descend into an orgy.

0:16:350:16:39

You don't sell the product, you sell the benefit, and you sell it

0:16:390:16:43

with a smile on your face because happy people sell, don't they?

0:16:430:16:45

-Happy people sell.

-Happy people sell. Do you understand?

0:16:450:16:49

-Yes.

-Happy people sell. Happy people also sing, don't they?

0:16:490:16:53

So what we do now, we'll stand on our feet

0:16:530:16:55

because we are going to sing.

0:16:550:16:57

This is how it's done. Let's do it.

0:16:570:17:01

ALL: # It started out with a kiss How did it end up like this?

0:17:010:17:04

# It was only a kiss It was only a kiss

0:17:040:17:08

# She takes off her dress now

0:17:080:17:10

# Letting me go

0:17:100:17:14

# But it's just the price I pay

0:17:190:17:23

# Destiny is calling me... #

0:17:230:17:26

Get out there and sell.

0:17:340:17:36

-It's what I said, they've all been brainwashed.

-Shut up. Come on.

0:17:360:17:40

You'd save £300 a year and you'd be able to spend £300 on a holiday.

0:17:440:17:49

I think Jack's got potential.

0:17:490:17:51

I'm ringing about how you can save money on your electricity bill,

0:17:510:17:56

although to be honest the amount of money involved seems so ludicrously

0:17:560:18:00

small I don't know why one's even bothering to ring you, but anyway.

0:18:000:18:04

Michael on the other hand, not so.

0:18:040:18:07

If you came over to this new energy plan then you would be saving

0:18:070:18:11

approximately £300 a year.

0:18:110:18:14

You are happy with your current plan? No, that's... Well, thank you.

0:18:140:18:18

Thank you very much. Bye-bye.

0:18:180:18:20

..Do all that, "Thank you very much." If they're wasting your time,

0:18:200:18:23

they don't want it, just tell them to go and fuck themselves.

0:18:230:18:26

As far as Michael's language is concerned, anybody that swears on

0:18:260:18:29

the phone to a customer, it's gross misconduct, instantly dismissible.

0:18:290:18:33

Hello, sir. Oh, I beg your pardon. Hello, madam.

0:18:330:18:37

You have a very deep voice.

0:18:370:18:38

In a sales environment you need to be upbeat,

0:18:380:18:41

you need to be happy, smiley, chirpy and enthusiastic.

0:18:410:18:45

Everything that Michael isn't.

0:18:450:18:47

So is that something that would interest you?

0:18:470:18:49

No...

0:18:490:18:50

So you would be interested?

0:18:500:18:53

Fantastic. All right, well very nice to speak to you. Thank you, bye.

0:18:530:18:57

JACK HUMS

0:18:590:19:00

They'll change their mind.

0:19:000:19:02

-Yes! Sale made!

-Oh!

0:19:020:19:04

Ahh! I made a sale!

0:19:060:19:09

-They've got you. They've got you.

-I made a sale!

0:19:090:19:11

-They've got you. The whole cult doing all this.

-He said he was interested in it.

0:19:110:19:14

After all that thumping his chest, I have to say I'm really

0:19:140:19:17

worried about Jack.

0:19:170:19:19

I just hope to God we haven't lost him.

0:19:190:19:21

Once it became clear that my father wasn't cut out for the phone sales, Nev was able to find him

0:19:210:19:25

a task that better suited his very limited set of skills.

0:19:250:19:29

So, Michael, would you like a go of my urns?

0:19:310:19:34

-Um... Not just at the moment, if that's all right? Maybe later.

-OK.

0:19:340:19:40

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:19:420:19:44

Ladies and gentleman, he's a father to over 300 hard-working

0:19:460:19:50

dedicated employees, and Hayley,

0:19:500:19:51

please welcome Swansea's very own Mr Brightside, Nev Wilshire.

0:19:510:19:55

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:19:550:19:57

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:20:000:20:04

Very nice to see you again, Neville.

0:20:070:20:09

-NEV:

-How are you?

-JONATHAN:

-All right, Nev, how are you doing? Nice to meet you.

0:20:090:20:12

Happy people sell. Happy people sell.

0:20:120:20:15

-Nev, thank you for coming.

-He needs the job.

0:20:150:20:18

Yes, he does, but he also needs his jumper.

0:20:180:20:20

Oh, yeah, I left my jumper at the call centre.

0:20:200:20:22

You'd better look after it, Mike.

0:20:220:20:23

Sorry, I did actually leave it there.

0:20:230:20:25

I wasn't getting undressed for anything untoward. Don't worry, Judy.

0:20:250:20:29

Um, I... Nev, thank you so much for coming on to the show.

0:20:290:20:31

You're very welcome, thank you.

0:20:310:20:33

How did you think my father fared at call centre sales?

0:20:330:20:37

Would you employ him?

0:20:370:20:39

-As a tea lady.

-Yeah.

0:20:390:20:42

-Nice girl, that young lady of yours.

-Hayley. Yeah.

0:20:420:20:45

-Very comely.

-Don't say that.

0:20:450:20:48

Just let us know when you're planning on coming out of the 1920s.

0:20:480:20:52

Is Hayley one of your star employees? She's funny, she's crazy.

0:20:520:20:57

-She is.

-On the show she is absolutely bonkers.

0:20:570:21:00

Yes, she is, she is bonkers, that is what she is.

0:21:000:21:02

-She's a hard-working girl though. She's doing other things.

-This is..

0:21:020:21:06

Oh.

0:21:060:21:07

Ah, yes, that's the Zoo Magazine expose.

0:21:070:21:10

Yeah. Is that a method she taught you, Daddy,

0:21:100:21:12

when you were doing the tea run?

0:21:120:21:13

Now, Neville, you are very tactile on the show.

0:21:150:21:18

You're kicking people up the arse and slapping and smacking and...

0:21:180:21:21

Do you get complaints?

0:21:210:21:23

No, not generally.

0:21:230:21:25

I give them the option. They can go the HR route or they can just have a

0:21:250:21:28

genuine kick up the arse, and most people want the kick up the arse.

0:21:280:21:32

Right. I now know more than I ever thought I would about loft insulation.

0:21:320:21:35

I was enlightened as well, when we talked about cavity wall

0:21:350:21:38

-insulation, and one of the benefits was...

-That's it, cavity wall insulation, not loft insulation.

0:21:380:21:43

Yes, but it was the soundproofing, it's just a by-product,

0:21:430:21:46

but it soundproofs, and your dad thought of a new

0:21:460:21:50

way of selling it really, as soundproofing for his bedroom walls.

0:21:500:21:54

-Yeah, yeah.

-Apparently your mother is a bit noisy, so...

0:21:540:21:58

Thanks(!) As you've seen, he needs no encouragement.

0:21:580:22:01

Did you ever hear your parents enjoying each other?

0:22:010:22:06

-No. I didn't hear them enjoying each other.

-I think he did.

-Neither do I want to talk about..

0:22:060:22:12

Give us a phrase.

0:22:120:22:13

What phrase would you shout out in the midst of lovemaking, that young Jack...?

0:22:130:22:16

-Maybe this will help him get over this.

-Jonathan, fuck off!

0:22:160:22:19

What sort of things...? Would you say, "Come on, Becher's Brook!" What would you shout?

0:22:190:22:23

Maybe, "Go on, my pretty."

0:22:250:22:27

Ohh!

0:22:270:22:28

Why have you done that?

0:22:300:22:32

This is good for you.

0:22:320:22:34

This will help you process it, Jack.

0:22:350:22:38

I'm never going to be able to have sex ever again.

0:22:380:22:40

I will, Judy, actually.

0:22:400:22:42

Now we are going to bring out our final guest.

0:22:440:22:47

I am very, very excited to have him on the show.

0:22:470:22:50

He won gold medals, competed in the London Marathon

0:22:500:22:53

but most impressively of all, he beat The Cube.

0:22:530:22:57

I am so excited to have him on the show,

0:22:570:22:59

ladies and gentlemen, it's Mo Farah.

0:22:590:23:01

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:23:010:23:04

Good to see you.

0:23:090:23:10

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:23:120:23:15

So Mo, Father's Day special.

0:23:200:23:23

You are the reigning Celebrity Dad Of The Year.

0:23:230:23:25

Yeah, that was...

0:23:250:23:27

Come on, that's impressive.

0:23:270:23:29

CHEERING

0:23:290:23:30

Now how does that rate though?

0:23:320:23:34

Father of the Year compared to like an Olympic gold? Pretty high?

0:23:340:23:37

Yeah. As a father you want your kids to remember that

0:23:370:23:40

and say, "Look what I won. I was a good father."

0:23:400:23:43

And you've got twins. How do you do like...?

0:23:430:23:46

Have you had to cut down on your training and your running

0:23:460:23:48

having to look after twins and do like nappy changing and such?

0:23:480:23:52

Yeah. I just choose the easy baby. Aisha's mine.

0:23:520:23:54

Oh, so you've picked a favourite?

0:23:540:23:56

I wouldn't say a favourite, but I'd just say, look, Aisha's

0:23:560:23:59

the slightly easier baby because Amani's always running around and...

0:23:590:24:03

Can you criticise a child for running around?

0:24:030:24:06

I mean you don't really have a leg to stand on, Mo.

0:24:060:24:09

When you're tired and you're like, "Oh," and they're chasing around.

0:24:090:24:12

It's difficult, but it's definitely worth it.

0:24:120:24:14

There's three girls in your family and a wife.

0:24:140:24:17

Yeah.

0:24:170:24:18

That's four ladies. Phew,

0:24:180:24:21

that's a lot of oestrogen.

0:24:210:24:23

What do you do if it all gets too much?

0:24:230:24:25

Just go for a run. Just go for a run.

0:24:250:24:28

Three times a day training.

0:24:280:24:29

Yeah, I imagine that is quite a good excuse.

0:24:290:24:32

I need to ask you a serious thing as well.

0:24:320:24:34

How amazing does it feel that you have inspired so many young

0:24:340:24:38

people to go out there and make the switch from meat to Quorn?

0:24:380:24:42

I've had the best idea as well.

0:24:430:24:46

I don't want to show off. Basically in preparation for this show the two things

0:24:460:24:49

I did was work out fat puns for Jonathan,

0:24:490:24:52

and then this was the other thing I spent my time doing.

0:24:520:24:54

The Mobot worked a treat, right, but now that you're the face of Quorn,

0:24:540:24:59

come Commonwealth Games it's time to rock out the Quornbot. Right?

0:24:590:25:03

You get across the line, you win it, straight out, Quornbot.

0:25:030:25:07

It's there, it's yours if you want it.

0:25:070:25:10

-It is sad how impressed I was.

-Jack, can you do that again?

0:25:110:25:16

Can you stand up and do that again because I just remembered who you remind me of?

0:25:160:25:20

Just stand up and do that again. OK. Just do that thing again.

0:25:200:25:23

Ladies and gentlemen let's celebrate the winner of this year's Eurovision...

0:25:230:25:26

Oh, shut up!

0:25:260:25:28

-You're a dead spit.

-Yeah, absolutely.

0:25:300:25:34

Now, Mo, you started running like seriously

0:25:340:25:36

when you were at university, is that right?

0:25:360:25:39

I did a bit but I wasn't taking it as seriously as I should have done.

0:25:390:25:43

Yeah. What was your university life like then?

0:25:430:25:45

Uni life is completely different to what

0:25:450:25:47

I do normally - eat, sleep, train - and for me when I was at St Mary's,

0:25:470:25:50

I really enjoyed being at St Mary's, I was just one of the lads and

0:25:500:25:53

always up for a laugh.

0:25:530:25:54

Crazy nights out? A few Jagerbombs?

0:25:540:25:56

-Jagerbombs, no.

-Did you actually...? You'd go out and get...?

0:25:560:25:59

I would just go out with the boys and stuff, but we were always

0:25:590:26:02

like kind of daring each other to do stuff, and we'd do crazy stuff.

0:26:020:26:05

Traffic cone on the head.

0:26:050:26:06

Actually traffic cone on the head might not work for you.

0:26:060:26:09

-No.

-Because it would just go over the whole body.

0:26:090:26:12

It'd be like Toy Story. Moving around.

0:26:120:26:16

Now, Mo, you wrote a book...

0:26:160:26:19

See. Which I read. It was fantastic.

0:26:190:26:23

-I sent one to you as well.

-I've got the book. Thank you very much.

0:26:230:26:26

-And did you read it?

-No.

0:26:260:26:28

You're waiting for the film.

0:26:280:26:29

Yeah, is there a film, Mo?

0:26:290:26:31

-Is there going to be a film?

-Yeah.

0:26:310:26:33

-Wow.

-No!

-It's got Tom Hanks in.

0:26:330:26:35

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:26:350:26:39

You're not the only person that's written a book.

0:26:440:26:46

Mr Nev Wilshire, you have also written this book which is

0:26:460:26:49

called Happy People Sell.

0:26:490:26:51

-An excellent read.

-Did you write every word?

0:26:510:26:53

Every... Well, maybe not.

0:26:530:26:55

-It's available, there it is.

-But there's lots of pictures in it for you.

0:26:550:26:58

There's a lot of pictures.

0:26:580:27:00

This is my favourite bit in this book of yours, Nev.

0:27:000:27:02

If you see this page, which is

0:27:020:27:04

"Nev's four step guide of how to smile" for people...

0:27:040:27:09

It's a step-by-step guide for miserable bastards.

0:27:090:27:12

And it's four stages of how to smile

0:27:120:27:15

and I thought maybe as we have one of the most famous miserable

0:27:150:27:18

bastards that I know, we could try this seriously.

0:27:180:27:23

What is this?

0:27:230:27:24

OK, we're going to try this. Step one, "Think happy thoughts."

0:27:240:27:28

-JONATHAN:

-Think of the day he left home.

0:27:280:27:30

-Jonathan!

-Yes.

0:27:300:27:32

Step two, "Smile with your eyes. Everybody loves a twinkle."

0:27:320:27:36

Nev's words, not mine. So you've got the twinkle in your eyes,

0:27:360:27:40

-you always have a slight twinkle.

-You get a twinkle with your contact lenses.

0:27:400:27:43

And you do with your glaucoma.

0:27:430:27:45

-The cheek!

-That's wrong. Shame on you.

0:27:460:27:52

Step three, get ready... You need to look down the camera. Look down number...

0:27:520:27:56

Is that that red light? It's like being in the optician's.

0:27:560:27:58

Smile with your teeth. It's important...

0:28:000:28:02

With my teeth. You know I don't smile.

0:28:020:28:04

-I don't open my mouth when I smile.

-Just do it.

0:28:040:28:06

I look like Muffin The Mule. Do I have to carry on doing this?

0:28:110:28:17

Yeah just stay there for the rest of the show.

0:28:170:28:20

That's the family Christmas card sorted.

0:28:200:28:23

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:28:230:28:26

Well, unfortunately I think that's all that we have time for this evening.

0:28:260:28:32

Mo, best of luck at the Commonwealth Games.

0:28:320:28:34

A massive thank you to my guests this evening,

0:28:340:28:36

Jonathan Ross, Nev Wilshire, Mo Farah and Judy Murray.

0:28:360:28:41

Happy Father's Day. Good night.

0:28:410:28:43

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