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This programme contains some strong language | 0:00:02 | 0:00:08 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
Good evening and welcome to our Father's Day special of Backchat. | 0:00:24 | 0:00:28 | |
-Happy Father's Day, Daddy. -Yeah. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:31 | |
-Are you feeling in good Father's Day spirits? -Mm-hm. -Good. | 0:00:32 | 0:00:36 | |
-Do you like your balloons? -No. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
-What is all this, 'Dad'? I'm not a 'Dad'. -Best dad ever. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:44 | |
-I'm not... I've never been a 'Dad'. -You are my dad. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
Sometimes I wish you weren't but you are my dad. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:49 | |
But I don't answer to 'Dad'. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:52 | |
I'm your father or sir, maybe. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:56 | |
Sir, well, I mean it is quite hard to find shops that sell | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
balloons that say, 'Best Sir Ever'. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
Next Father's' Day, I will look for those. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
To be honest, I'm not sure about Father's Day at all. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
Mother's Day I understand. That is a very important day to have. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
We have to look after our mothers. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
But Father's Day is basically just me gifting you a pair of socks | 0:01:11 | 0:01:14 | |
in return for you giving me intimacy issues and low-hanging balls. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:18 | |
That's all Father's Day is. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
-You know why you don't like -Father's Day. Why? | 0:01:20 | 0:01:23 | |
Because you've had one night stands with so many women | 0:01:23 | 0:01:27 | |
across the country, and indeed in Europe, but you are | 0:01:27 | 0:01:30 | |
always terrified that Father's Day will arrive one day | 0:01:30 | 0:01:34 | |
and on your breakfast tray will be a card | 0:01:34 | 0:01:38 | |
and when you open the card it will say, "Dear Daddy, love Pedro." | 0:01:38 | 0:01:43 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
Erm... On with the show. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:49 | |
Later on, we are going to be chatting to Olympic gold | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
medal winner and reigning celebrity Father Of The Year, Mo Farah, | 0:01:51 | 0:01:54 | |
as well as everyone's favourite call centre boss, Nev. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:59 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
Would you please welcome our first guest tonight? | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
It's the king of the chat show | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
and the queen of Centre Court, Jonathan Ross and Judy Murray. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:15 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
How are you doing? All right? | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
Very lovely to see you. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:33 | |
Lovely to meet you. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
Thank you very much for coming on the show, | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
Judy Murray, Jonathan Ross. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
Now, Jonathan, this is a Father's Day special. You are a father. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
What type of father are you? | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
When my kids, I've got three kids, when they were young, | 0:02:47 | 0:02:50 | |
I like to think I was quite a devoted father. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:52 | |
I was there for them. I made sure they dressed for school. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
I sat through any number of interminable, | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
boring school plays and musicals. And bunches of kids, mine | 0:02:57 | 0:03:00 | |
and others, performed and ruined many great works of art. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:03 | |
Now they've grown-up, I like to think that I'm a disinterested | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
and distant father. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
I sometimes pick up the phone when it's them | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
and if I'm not going to pick it up, I at least let it ring out | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
so they don't know I'm just saying no. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
I am there if they need me. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:16 | |
But I think when your kids are growing up, especially when they are in their early 20s | 0:03:16 | 0:03:20 | |
and they are at university and stuff, you've got to give them freedom, you've got to let them | 0:03:20 | 0:03:24 | |
become the people they are going to become, | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
and not try and police them and affect their behaviour too much. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
Judy. Wimbledon - just around the corner. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
If Andy wins this time, is he going to remember to hug you? | 0:03:31 | 0:03:36 | |
He'd better. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
You are famous for getting very behind Andy in the matches. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
Does he like being cheered on - by having Mum there? | 0:03:41 | 0:03:45 | |
I don't go so often now but I mean, when he was growing up and for | 0:03:45 | 0:03:49 | |
pretty much all of his career, you are the person that's there. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:55 | |
It's an individual sport. It's up to the parent to make things happen, | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
create the opportunities for their kids. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
So he's used to me being there and I would say that whenever | 0:04:01 | 0:04:05 | |
he would look at you during a match, | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
whether he's 12 years old or 25 years old, | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
he wants to see some kind of positive reaction | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
-and sometimes my reactions would go a wee bit over the top... -Really? | 0:04:12 | 0:04:16 | |
Yeah, really. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:17 | |
So, I just go in this zone where I just pretty much have my eyes | 0:04:17 | 0:04:22 | |
trained on him the whole time. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
-I've been very supportive of you at school. -No, you weren't. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
He got sent off on one of my matches once. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:31 | |
Imagine, Judy, I had to go and watch him be terrible in all his sports. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:35 | |
At least you had a talented son. I had to go and watch him... | 0:04:35 | 0:04:39 | |
I mean, those football matches. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
He got sent off at a football match... You did. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
When you say "sent off", I wasn't on the pitch. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
You hurled obscenities at one of the teachers - | 0:04:46 | 0:04:48 | |
my games master, Mr Blenkinsop. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:49 | |
Blenkinsop was a total dick. You know he was. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:04:52 | 0:04:56 | |
-He was never allowed to come and see under nines football ever again. -No. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:02 | |
This year, going back for Andy, | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
do you think there is more pressure as a returning champion? | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
Is some of the pressure taken off now that he's done it? | 0:05:07 | 0:05:11 | |
It's a tough one. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
In some ways, the pressure is off because he has won it | 0:05:13 | 0:05:16 | |
but on the other hand, you're defending something, it's yours now. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:20 | |
You work so hard and it is your dream and your goal and there's | 0:05:20 | 0:05:24 | |
so much about the challenge and the fight to get there. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
Suddenly, you've got it | 0:05:27 | 0:05:28 | |
and everybody is trying to take it away from you. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
It's quite a different mindset. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
-Do you play tennis? You're too thin and weedy... -Shut up. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:35 | |
I'm really good at tennis. I played a lot of sport. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:37 | |
I was a very keen sportsman. People think I'm bad at sport | 0:05:37 | 0:05:40 | |
because I obviously look like I'm bad at sport. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
-But I'm surprisingly good. -I saw you playing tennis once. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:46 | |
And I have to say that you were very, very elegant | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
but I did have to stand on the balcony for a very | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
long time before you got one over the net. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
But that's cos... That's where we first... | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
Well, we didn't even meet actually, you were just observing from afar. | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
You're making it sound like a date. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
I do feel like it was a special first meeting. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:05 | |
And you were there, on the balcony, and I was playing tennis. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:08 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
-What was that?! -As soon as I did that mime, I felt... | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
I was playing, you know, tennis and then someone said, | 0:06:13 | 0:06:16 | |
"Judy Murray is watching you." | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
I completely fell apart. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
-You were definitely flirting. He was flirting. -He was. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
And that's inappropriate. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:23 | |
A man of your age, a boy who looks like you, | 0:06:23 | 0:06:26 | |
flirting with an attractive older woman. It's embarrassing. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:29 | |
But Judy, you have a very alluring presence. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:32 | |
Are we having a Mrs Robinson moment here? | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
-You know! -Let's have both hands on the desk, please! | 0:06:38 | 0:06:42 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
That's the thing, like, I mean... | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
-Why has your voice got so high? -Shut up! | 0:06:46 | 0:06:49 | |
You're making me nervous! I, I, cos we're not... | 0:06:49 | 0:06:53 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:53 | 0:06:57 | |
What I was trying to do is I was trying to pay Judy a compliment | 0:06:57 | 0:07:00 | |
and this is... No, you've made me really conscious. When... | 0:07:00 | 0:07:03 | |
-Change the subject then. -OK. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
Um... Do Jamie and Andy enjoy playing doubles together? | 0:07:08 | 0:07:12 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
No, no, I'm going to man-up. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
What I was going to say is that when we first saw you on television | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
all those years ago when Andy first broke through, I think | 0:07:20 | 0:07:23 | |
people's public perception of you was different. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
We thought...there is Judy Murray, | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
she's a tough cookie, she's a trainer. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
-You don't want to mess with her. -No, you do. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
-APPLAUSE -This is what I mean. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:38 | |
You do do quite a bit of flirting with some of Andy's opponents. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:45 | |
-I admire them from a distance. -Admire them from a distance! | 0:07:45 | 0:07:49 | |
There is one, there's one guy in particular. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:51 | |
Yeah, there's one in particular. His name is Feliciano Lopez. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:55 | |
-He's... -We've got a picture. -Ooh. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:59 | |
See, the ladies will understand why that's quite enjoyable to | 0:07:59 | 0:08:03 | |
-watch tennis when that's all going on. -They don't play topless though. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:07 | |
They often practise topless so it's... | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
It's quite good to hang around the practice courts. | 0:08:10 | 0:08:12 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:12 | 0:08:13 | |
I'm sorry to disappoint you, Jack, but I don't know who that man is | 0:08:13 | 0:08:17 | |
but what I can tell you is he looks nothing remotely like you. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:21 | |
I... I have that, I have a very similar physique to that. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
You have a nickname for him as well? | 0:08:27 | 0:08:29 | |
Yeah, I call him Deliciano for obvious reasons. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:32 | |
Deliciano Lopez. And have you met him? | 0:08:32 | 0:08:34 | |
Oh, yeah, I've met him. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
Of course I have, I've known him for about seven years. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:39 | |
At Wimbledon two years ago, there's a German tennis player who I'm | 0:08:39 | 0:08:43 | |
pally with, a girl, and she sent me a tweet that said, | 0:08:43 | 0:08:46 | |
"Guess who I'm playing mixed doubles with at Wimbledon?" | 0:08:46 | 0:08:49 | |
And I went, "Oh, no, not Feli?" | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
And she said, "Yes. Would you like to coach us?" | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
So I said, "Not sure about that. Don't know | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
"if the boys would approve of that." | 0:08:56 | 0:08:58 | |
Actually didn't think my heart would stand it. And she said, | 0:08:58 | 0:09:02 | |
"Oh, go on, go on, we'll give you | 0:09:02 | 0:09:05 | |
"5% of the prize money and a photo of Feli." | 0:09:05 | 0:09:08 | |
And I said, "I'd rather have a photo | 0:09:08 | 0:09:09 | |
"of the prize money and 5% of Feli." | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:11 | 0:09:15 | |
I mean, I... I kind of hate him now. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:20 | |
Now, Jonathan, you are a legend of chat shows. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
-Thank you, Jack. -MILD APPLAUSE | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
Yes, one person agrees. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
No, no, I would agree too. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:31 | |
-Oh, thank you. -Yes, you are, you're fantastic. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:33 | |
What would your one advice be? | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
What makes a great interviewer? | 0:09:35 | 0:09:36 | |
I'm excited to be here anyway, | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
because I've been in the business for a long time but I've | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
prided myself that when I see new talent that I admire, | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
I like to support it | 0:09:43 | 0:09:44 | |
to ideally be part of it, and when I see someone who I think is really | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
doing something new with the form, you know, it's exciting for me. | 0:09:47 | 0:09:50 | |
So to be here on your show, Michael, is a wonderful thing(!) | 0:09:50 | 0:09:54 | |
I thank you so much for having me because you are bringing something unique to it. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:57 | |
-Yes. -And helping out those less fortunate than you. | 0:09:57 | 0:10:00 | |
-It's a marvellous, generous thing to do. -Thank you very much, thank you. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:03 | |
But, no if you're doing an interview, research is the key of course. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:06 | |
Initially the building block you start with is research. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:08 | |
You make sure you know as much about your guests as possible. For example with Judy, did you...? | 0:10:08 | 0:10:13 | |
The questions were fine, but they... This is not a criticism as such, but they felt slightly superficial. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:17 | |
OK it was like very... There was no depth there. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:19 | |
Did you read Judy's autobiography before she came on the show? | 0:10:19 | 0:10:23 | |
-Yep. -Did you read all of it or did you just skim read it? -I read it, obviously, | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
because then that's how you do the questions. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
OK, well, Judy, Judy, do you have an autobiography out? | 0:10:28 | 0:10:31 | |
-No. -No. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:32 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:32 | 0:10:35 | |
-That was cruel. -Already you've let yourself down. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:40 | |
But in terms of you as a father... | 0:10:42 | 0:10:44 | |
were you good at all the serious bits of fatherhood? | 0:10:44 | 0:10:47 | |
Like, I can't think of you | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
doing like the birds and the bees. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
-Well... -Did you do that or did you leave that for Jane? | 0:10:51 | 0:10:54 | |
No, I didn't really need to because the internet had come along, | 0:10:54 | 0:10:58 | |
so I think they probably knew more about it than I did. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
No, I think Jane... | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
Jane did more of that. Jane is actually much more, | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
shall we say, bothered about them than I am. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
I mean, you know, I'm kind of curious, | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
but she sort of actively wants to see them do well. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
I just don't want them to fuck up publicly, you know? | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
And I feel like we've done a good job, you know, and | 0:11:16 | 0:11:19 | |
it's difficult, I know, and I know some people look at their children | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
and it's difficult for them to see, that they've put the hours in, | 0:11:22 | 0:11:26 | |
but it hasn't paid off, and I know Barnaby's a lovely son, isn't he? | 0:11:26 | 0:11:30 | |
-Barnaby's a good boy. -Yes, I'm very proud of Barnaby. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:32 | |
But there's always one in the group who lets you down and it's a terrible thing. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:36 | |
Oh, dear. So Andy's played against some very big opponents, | 0:11:36 | 0:11:41 | |
but none bigger than this opponent. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:43 | |
Move aside R Fed, here he is with Overfed. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:46 | |
-Um... -Ah. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
Overfed! | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
Well, that's unkind of you. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
I think that's very unkind. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:54 | |
I have some more, if you'd like some more. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:57 | |
I was seven months gone then and I still played tennis. That was pretty good. | 0:11:57 | 0:12:00 | |
John Big McEnroe And Fries. Billie Jean Burger King. | 0:12:00 | 0:12:03 | |
Fred Peri-Peri Chicken With All The Sides. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:06 | |
This is just a list of jokes you have. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:09 | |
Goran Can't-See-My-Knees-Evic. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
-Come on... -No, because the rest are really shit. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
-Let's have a look at them. -Those were the best ones. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:18 | |
OK, let's have a look what you've got. | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 | |
Anna Korma-Kova. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:23 | |
How long...? You must have spent hours. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:26 | |
Rafa Noodles? | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
Ivan Lentil Dodger? | 0:12:28 | 0:12:31 | |
-That one's not very good. -Oh, this one's terrible. | 0:12:31 | 0:12:33 | |
Venus Whale-Iams. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
-Oh, yeah, like, whale. -Yeah, I know what it was meant to be. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
I was really proud of them. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:41 | |
Fat Rafter. I like that one. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
-I've lost weight since then. I've lost a stone since then. -I know, you look amazing. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:49 | |
And I got rid of the beard. I only had the beard to hide my fat face. And your face, | 0:12:49 | 0:12:52 | |
-you've lost that puppy fat. You could get rid of that now. -No, shut up. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
-You should get rid of the beard. -I'm growing it because I'm... | 0:12:55 | 0:12:58 | |
It's for a part, that's why I've got it. | 0:12:58 | 0:12:59 | |
What are you playing? Rolf Harris? Just get rid of the beard. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
Take the beard off. I'd like to see... | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
Wouldn't you like to see fresh-faced Jack? | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
-No. -I'd love to see fresh-faced Jack. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
-Stop it. -I like the way you tilt your head when you ask | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
me the questions. You don't do that with Jonathan. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
She's getting a bit flirty now. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
No. Now I'm really conscious of doing the head thing and I just did it. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
Judy, Judy do you find Jack attractive? | 0:13:20 | 0:13:24 | |
Yeah, he's quite cute. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:25 | |
And do you think maybe, I mean...? | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
-I said "quite". -Quite cute. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
You know, just if you were a long way from home, a bit bored | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
and wanted a plaything, | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
would you give him an evening of your time? | 0:13:34 | 0:13:37 | |
He's actually too old for me. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
I'm kidding, I'm kidding. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
I would love to be your plaything. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
Um... I want to talk, if I may, about your glamorous transformation? | 0:13:48 | 0:13:54 | |
Because you have undergone a glamorous transformation. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:57 | |
This is the Judy that we first knew. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
-JUDY: -Oh! | 0:14:00 | 0:14:01 | |
From trainer, to this, cougar. Oh, meow! Tartan just got sexy. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:08 | |
That is a beautiful outfit and we also know where that outfit | 0:14:08 | 0:14:12 | |
ended up. Mr Feliciano Lopez is responsible. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:16 | |
You have to be careful with tartan though, I will warn you of that. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:20 | |
Ah. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
First BBC presenter to be arrested for historic crimes against fashion. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:27 | |
Now this is a bit left field. Judy, Jonathan, have you seen The Call Centre? | 0:14:27 | 0:14:32 | |
-I have seen it. -No. -No. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
You didn't know what a call centre was | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
when I mentioned the show to you. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
-No. -Anyway to get you better acquainted with the show | 0:14:38 | 0:14:42 | |
and call centres, Nev kindly invited my father | 0:14:42 | 0:14:46 | |
and I to Swansea to put us through our paces and see if we could master | 0:14:46 | 0:14:50 | |
the art of flogging loft insulation to random strangers over the phone. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:54 | |
Here's how we got on. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:56 | |
So, where is it we're going then? | 0:14:58 | 0:15:00 | |
It's in Swansea. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:02 | |
-Oh, God, not Wales. -It's lovely. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:03 | |
It's terrible, it's always raining. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:05 | |
I can never understand anything Welsh people say. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:09 | |
Well, I mean... | 0:15:09 | 0:15:10 | |
-Not that they ever have anything very interesting to say anyway, but.. -I mean... | 0:15:10 | 0:15:14 | |
I used to have a Welsh friend, very, very weird man he was. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:17 | |
He had a funny, you know, gammy eye. | 0:15:17 | 0:15:20 | |
One went that way and the other went the other way. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:24 | |
Can you just try and be nice for once? | 0:15:24 | 0:15:26 | |
I'm always nice. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
-We've come to see Nev. -Yeah, if you'd like to sign in. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
Well, don't put any of my details in there. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
You know what they'll do? They'll ring your mother up in the middle of the night trying to | 0:15:38 | 0:15:42 | |
sell her sex aids, once they've got the details. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:45 | |
-Shut up. -They're never off the phone. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
Shut up, I'm not putting your phone number down, I'm just signing your name in. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:51 | |
-Jack! How are you? -Hey, Nev, how are you? | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
-Nice to see you, thanks for having us. -Thank you for coming. | 0:15:56 | 0:15:59 | |
How do you do? Very nice to meet you. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
Let's go. Follow me. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
There's something quite odd about all this. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:11 | |
-It's not like a sort of cult thing this, is it? -Is this like a cult? | 0:16:11 | 0:16:14 | |
I bet you'll find these women are being forced into having sex | 0:16:14 | 0:16:18 | |
with each other for his pleasure. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
I bet they have, that's what they do. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:23 | |
-It's a call centre. It's a call centre. -That's the cover. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:29 | |
I tried to learn what I could from the training seminar, | 0:16:29 | 0:16:31 | |
but in all honesty spent most of the time trying to | 0:16:31 | 0:16:35 | |
convince my father that it wasn't about to descend into an orgy. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:39 | |
You don't sell the product, you sell the benefit, and you sell it | 0:16:39 | 0:16:43 | |
with a smile on your face because happy people sell, don't they? | 0:16:43 | 0:16:45 | |
-Happy people sell. -Happy people sell. Do you understand? | 0:16:45 | 0:16:49 | |
-Yes. -Happy people sell. Happy people also sing, don't they? | 0:16:49 | 0:16:53 | |
So what we do now, we'll stand on our feet | 0:16:53 | 0:16:55 | |
because we are going to sing. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:57 | |
This is how it's done. Let's do it. | 0:16:57 | 0:17:01 | |
ALL: # It started out with a kiss How did it end up like this? | 0:17:01 | 0:17:04 | |
# It was only a kiss It was only a kiss | 0:17:04 | 0:17:08 | |
# She takes off her dress now | 0:17:08 | 0:17:10 | |
# Letting me go | 0:17:10 | 0:17:14 | |
# But it's just the price I pay | 0:17:19 | 0:17:23 | |
# Destiny is calling me... # | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
Get out there and sell. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:36 | |
-It's what I said, they've all been brainwashed. -Shut up. Come on. | 0:17:36 | 0:17:40 | |
You'd save £300 a year and you'd be able to spend £300 on a holiday. | 0:17:44 | 0:17:49 | |
I think Jack's got potential. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
I'm ringing about how you can save money on your electricity bill, | 0:17:51 | 0:17:56 | |
although to be honest the amount of money involved seems so ludicrously | 0:17:56 | 0:18:00 | |
small I don't know why one's even bothering to ring you, but anyway. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:04 | |
Michael on the other hand, not so. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
If you came over to this new energy plan then you would be saving | 0:18:07 | 0:18:11 | |
approximately £300 a year. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:14 | |
You are happy with your current plan? No, that's... Well, thank you. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:18 | |
Thank you very much. Bye-bye. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:20 | |
..Do all that, "Thank you very much." If they're wasting your time, | 0:18:20 | 0:18:23 | |
they don't want it, just tell them to go and fuck themselves. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:26 | |
As far as Michael's language is concerned, anybody that swears on | 0:18:26 | 0:18:29 | |
the phone to a customer, it's gross misconduct, instantly dismissible. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:33 | |
Hello, sir. Oh, I beg your pardon. Hello, madam. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:37 | |
You have a very deep voice. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:38 | |
In a sales environment you need to be upbeat, | 0:18:38 | 0:18:41 | |
you need to be happy, smiley, chirpy and enthusiastic. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:45 | |
Everything that Michael isn't. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
So is that something that would interest you? | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
No... | 0:18:49 | 0:18:50 | |
So you would be interested? | 0:18:50 | 0:18:53 | |
Fantastic. All right, well very nice to speak to you. Thank you, bye. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:57 | |
JACK HUMS | 0:18:59 | 0:19:00 | |
They'll change their mind. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:02 | |
-Yes! Sale made! -Oh! | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
Ahh! I made a sale! | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
-They've got you. They've got you. -I made a sale! | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
-They've got you. The whole cult doing all this. -He said he was interested in it. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:14 | |
After all that thumping his chest, I have to say I'm really | 0:19:14 | 0:19:17 | |
worried about Jack. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:19 | |
I just hope to God we haven't lost him. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
Once it became clear that my father wasn't cut out for the phone sales, Nev was able to find him | 0:19:21 | 0:19:25 | |
a task that better suited his very limited set of skills. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:29 | |
So, Michael, would you like a go of my urns? | 0:19:31 | 0:19:34 | |
-Um... Not just at the moment, if that's all right? Maybe later. -OK. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:40 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
Ladies and gentleman, he's a father to over 300 hard-working | 0:19:46 | 0:19:50 | |
dedicated employees, and Hayley, | 0:19:50 | 0:19:51 | |
please welcome Swansea's very own Mr Brightside, Nev Wilshire. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:55 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH | 0:20:00 | 0:20:04 | |
Very nice to see you again, Neville. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
-NEV: -How are you? -JONATHAN: -All right, Nev, how are you doing? Nice to meet you. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
Happy people sell. Happy people sell. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
-Nev, thank you for coming. -He needs the job. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:18 | |
Yes, he does, but he also needs his jumper. | 0:20:18 | 0:20:20 | |
Oh, yeah, I left my jumper at the call centre. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
You'd better look after it, Mike. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:23 | |
Sorry, I did actually leave it there. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:25 | |
I wasn't getting undressed for anything untoward. Don't worry, Judy. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:29 | |
Um, I... Nev, thank you so much for coming on to the show. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
You're very welcome, thank you. | 0:20:31 | 0:20:33 | |
How did you think my father fared at call centre sales? | 0:20:33 | 0:20:37 | |
Would you employ him? | 0:20:37 | 0:20:39 | |
-As a tea lady. -Yeah. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:42 | |
-Nice girl, that young lady of yours. -Hayley. Yeah. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:45 | |
-Very comely. -Don't say that. | 0:20:45 | 0:20:48 | |
Just let us know when you're planning on coming out of the 1920s. | 0:20:48 | 0:20:52 | |
Is Hayley one of your star employees? She's funny, she's crazy. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:57 | |
-She is. -On the show she is absolutely bonkers. | 0:20:57 | 0:21:00 | |
Yes, she is, she is bonkers, that is what she is. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:02 | |
-She's a hard-working girl though. She's doing other things. -This is.. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:06 | |
Oh. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:07 | |
Ah, yes, that's the Zoo Magazine expose. | 0:21:07 | 0:21:10 | |
Yeah. Is that a method she taught you, Daddy, | 0:21:10 | 0:21:12 | |
when you were doing the tea run? | 0:21:12 | 0:21:13 | |
Now, Neville, you are very tactile on the show. | 0:21:15 | 0:21:18 | |
You're kicking people up the arse and slapping and smacking and... | 0:21:18 | 0:21:21 | |
Do you get complaints? | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
No, not generally. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
I give them the option. They can go the HR route or they can just have a | 0:21:25 | 0:21:28 | |
genuine kick up the arse, and most people want the kick up the arse. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:32 | |
Right. I now know more than I ever thought I would about loft insulation. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:35 | |
I was enlightened as well, when we talked about cavity wall | 0:21:35 | 0:21:38 | |
-insulation, and one of the benefits was... -That's it, cavity wall insulation, not loft insulation. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:43 | |
Yes, but it was the soundproofing, it's just a by-product, | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
but it soundproofs, and your dad thought of a new | 0:21:46 | 0:21:50 | |
way of selling it really, as soundproofing for his bedroom walls. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:54 | |
-Yeah, yeah. -Apparently your mother is a bit noisy, so... | 0:21:54 | 0:21:58 | |
Thanks(!) As you've seen, he needs no encouragement. | 0:21:58 | 0:22:01 | |
Did you ever hear your parents enjoying each other? | 0:22:01 | 0:22:06 | |
-No. I didn't hear them enjoying each other. -I think he did. -Neither do I want to talk about.. | 0:22:06 | 0:22:12 | |
Give us a phrase. | 0:22:12 | 0:22:13 | |
What phrase would you shout out in the midst of lovemaking, that young Jack...? | 0:22:13 | 0:22:16 | |
-Maybe this will help him get over this. -Jonathan, fuck off! | 0:22:16 | 0:22:19 | |
What sort of things...? Would you say, "Come on, Becher's Brook!" What would you shout? | 0:22:19 | 0:22:23 | |
Maybe, "Go on, my pretty." | 0:22:25 | 0:22:27 | |
Ohh! | 0:22:27 | 0:22:28 | |
Why have you done that? | 0:22:30 | 0:22:32 | |
This is good for you. | 0:22:32 | 0:22:34 | |
This will help you process it, Jack. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:38 | |
I'm never going to be able to have sex ever again. | 0:22:38 | 0:22:40 | |
I will, Judy, actually. | 0:22:40 | 0:22:42 | |
Now we are going to bring out our final guest. | 0:22:44 | 0:22:47 | |
I am very, very excited to have him on the show. | 0:22:47 | 0:22:50 | |
He won gold medals, competed in the London Marathon | 0:22:50 | 0:22:53 | |
but most impressively of all, he beat The Cube. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:57 | |
I am so excited to have him on the show, | 0:22:57 | 0:22:59 | |
ladies and gentlemen, it's Mo Farah. | 0:22:59 | 0:23:01 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:23:01 | 0:23:04 | |
Good to see you. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:10 | |
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH | 0:23:12 | 0:23:15 | |
So Mo, Father's Day special. | 0:23:20 | 0:23:23 | |
You are the reigning Celebrity Dad Of The Year. | 0:23:23 | 0:23:25 | |
Yeah, that was... | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
Come on, that's impressive. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:29 | |
CHEERING | 0:23:29 | 0:23:30 | |
Now how does that rate though? | 0:23:32 | 0:23:34 | |
Father of the Year compared to like an Olympic gold? Pretty high? | 0:23:34 | 0:23:37 | |
Yeah. As a father you want your kids to remember that | 0:23:37 | 0:23:40 | |
and say, "Look what I won. I was a good father." | 0:23:40 | 0:23:43 | |
And you've got twins. How do you do like...? | 0:23:43 | 0:23:46 | |
Have you had to cut down on your training and your running | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
having to look after twins and do like nappy changing and such? | 0:23:48 | 0:23:52 | |
Yeah. I just choose the easy baby. Aisha's mine. | 0:23:52 | 0:23:54 | |
Oh, so you've picked a favourite? | 0:23:54 | 0:23:56 | |
I wouldn't say a favourite, but I'd just say, look, Aisha's | 0:23:56 | 0:23:59 | |
the slightly easier baby because Amani's always running around and... | 0:23:59 | 0:24:03 | |
Can you criticise a child for running around? | 0:24:03 | 0:24:06 | |
I mean you don't really have a leg to stand on, Mo. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:09 | |
When you're tired and you're like, "Oh," and they're chasing around. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:12 | |
It's difficult, but it's definitely worth it. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:14 | |
There's three girls in your family and a wife. | 0:24:14 | 0:24:17 | |
Yeah. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:18 | |
That's four ladies. Phew, | 0:24:18 | 0:24:21 | |
that's a lot of oestrogen. | 0:24:21 | 0:24:23 | |
What do you do if it all gets too much? | 0:24:23 | 0:24:25 | |
Just go for a run. Just go for a run. | 0:24:25 | 0:24:28 | |
Three times a day training. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:29 | |
Yeah, I imagine that is quite a good excuse. | 0:24:29 | 0:24:32 | |
I need to ask you a serious thing as well. | 0:24:32 | 0:24:34 | |
How amazing does it feel that you have inspired so many young | 0:24:34 | 0:24:38 | |
people to go out there and make the switch from meat to Quorn? | 0:24:38 | 0:24:42 | |
I've had the best idea as well. | 0:24:43 | 0:24:46 | |
I don't want to show off. Basically in preparation for this show the two things | 0:24:46 | 0:24:49 | |
I did was work out fat puns for Jonathan, | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
and then this was the other thing I spent my time doing. | 0:24:52 | 0:24:54 | |
The Mobot worked a treat, right, but now that you're the face of Quorn, | 0:24:54 | 0:24:59 | |
come Commonwealth Games it's time to rock out the Quornbot. Right? | 0:24:59 | 0:25:03 | |
You get across the line, you win it, straight out, Quornbot. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:07 | |
It's there, it's yours if you want it. | 0:25:07 | 0:25:10 | |
-It is sad how impressed I was. -Jack, can you do that again? | 0:25:11 | 0:25:16 | |
Can you stand up and do that again because I just remembered who you remind me of? | 0:25:16 | 0:25:20 | |
Just stand up and do that again. OK. Just do that thing again. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:23 | |
Ladies and gentlemen let's celebrate the winner of this year's Eurovision... | 0:25:23 | 0:25:26 | |
Oh, shut up! | 0:25:26 | 0:25:28 | |
-You're a dead spit. -Yeah, absolutely. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:34 | |
Now, Mo, you started running like seriously | 0:25:34 | 0:25:36 | |
when you were at university, is that right? | 0:25:36 | 0:25:39 | |
I did a bit but I wasn't taking it as seriously as I should have done. | 0:25:39 | 0:25:43 | |
Yeah. What was your university life like then? | 0:25:43 | 0:25:45 | |
Uni life is completely different to what | 0:25:45 | 0:25:47 | |
I do normally - eat, sleep, train - and for me when I was at St Mary's, | 0:25:47 | 0:25:50 | |
I really enjoyed being at St Mary's, I was just one of the lads and | 0:25:50 | 0:25:53 | |
always up for a laugh. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:54 | |
Crazy nights out? A few Jagerbombs? | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
-Jagerbombs, no. -Did you actually...? You'd go out and get...? | 0:25:56 | 0:25:59 | |
I would just go out with the boys and stuff, but we were always | 0:25:59 | 0:26:02 | |
like kind of daring each other to do stuff, and we'd do crazy stuff. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
Traffic cone on the head. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:06 | |
Actually traffic cone on the head might not work for you. | 0:26:06 | 0:26:09 | |
-No. -Because it would just go over the whole body. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:12 | |
It'd be like Toy Story. Moving around. | 0:26:12 | 0:26:16 | |
Now, Mo, you wrote a book... | 0:26:16 | 0:26:19 | |
See. Which I read. It was fantastic. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:23 | |
-I sent one to you as well. -I've got the book. Thank you very much. | 0:26:23 | 0:26:26 | |
-And did you read it? -No. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
You're waiting for the film. | 0:26:28 | 0:26:29 | |
Yeah, is there a film, Mo? | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
-Is there going to be a film? -Yeah. | 0:26:31 | 0:26:33 | |
-Wow. -No! -It's got Tom Hanks in. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:35 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:35 | 0:26:39 | |
You're not the only person that's written a book. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:46 | |
Mr Nev Wilshire, you have also written this book which is | 0:26:46 | 0:26:49 | |
called Happy People Sell. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
-An excellent read. -Did you write every word? | 0:26:51 | 0:26:53 | |
Every... Well, maybe not. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:55 | |
-It's available, there it is. -But there's lots of pictures in it for you. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:58 | |
There's a lot of pictures. | 0:26:58 | 0:27:00 | |
This is my favourite bit in this book of yours, Nev. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:02 | |
If you see this page, which is | 0:27:02 | 0:27:04 | |
"Nev's four step guide of how to smile" for people... | 0:27:04 | 0:27:09 | |
It's a step-by-step guide for miserable bastards. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:12 | |
And it's four stages of how to smile | 0:27:12 | 0:27:15 | |
and I thought maybe as we have one of the most famous miserable | 0:27:15 | 0:27:18 | |
bastards that I know, we could try this seriously. | 0:27:18 | 0:27:23 | |
What is this? | 0:27:23 | 0:27:24 | |
OK, we're going to try this. Step one, "Think happy thoughts." | 0:27:24 | 0:27:28 | |
-JONATHAN: -Think of the day he left home. | 0:27:28 | 0:27:30 | |
-Jonathan! -Yes. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:32 | |
Step two, "Smile with your eyes. Everybody loves a twinkle." | 0:27:32 | 0:27:36 | |
Nev's words, not mine. So you've got the twinkle in your eyes, | 0:27:36 | 0:27:40 | |
-you always have a slight twinkle. -You get a twinkle with your contact lenses. | 0:27:40 | 0:27:43 | |
And you do with your glaucoma. | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
-The cheek! -That's wrong. Shame on you. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:52 | |
Step three, get ready... You need to look down the camera. Look down number... | 0:27:52 | 0:27:56 | |
Is that that red light? It's like being in the optician's. | 0:27:56 | 0:27:58 | |
Smile with your teeth. It's important... | 0:28:00 | 0:28:02 | |
With my teeth. You know I don't smile. | 0:28:02 | 0:28:04 | |
-I don't open my mouth when I smile. -Just do it. | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 | |
I look like Muffin The Mule. Do I have to carry on doing this? | 0:28:11 | 0:28:17 | |
Yeah just stay there for the rest of the show. | 0:28:17 | 0:28:20 | |
That's the family Christmas card sorted. | 0:28:20 | 0:28:23 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:28:23 | 0:28:26 | |
Well, unfortunately I think that's all that we have time for this evening. | 0:28:26 | 0:28:32 | |
Mo, best of luck at the Commonwealth Games. | 0:28:32 | 0:28:34 | |
A massive thank you to my guests this evening, | 0:28:34 | 0:28:36 | |
Jonathan Ross, Nev Wilshire, Mo Farah and Judy Murray. | 0:28:36 | 0:28:41 | |
Happy Father's Day. Good night. | 0:28:41 | 0:28:43 |