Episode 3 Jonah from Tonga

This programme contains some strong language

'Mr Joseph found out about our YouTube channel of bullying videos.'

"Fobba-liscious Bully Video 2".

Fobba-liscious Bully Video with spew.

The whole lot of you are going to end up in fucking duty.

'So we had to meet the new school youth worker for counselling.'

Hey, boys. Join in, see if you can pick it up. Grab a spot at the back.

'But he was a homo.'

-Maybe just build a relationship.

-Relationship?! We're not gay, sir!

'Graydon and the Rangas made fun of my break dancing.'

Fucking embarrassing, man. You're so bad. Can't dance for shit.

'So I had to get revenge.'

Have a look at him. He's clearly a fuckwit.

-"I'm clearly a fuckwit."

-Shut up, fob. At least I can read books.

-Oi, that's enough of the racist thing, mate.

-Piss off, ranga.

'And when Graydon's little brother picked on Moses...'

-Hey, poozy!

-Fuck off, homo.

'..I tried to make the best bullying video ever.'

This is called the ranga round-up, with a Year 7 homo eating dog shit.

Jonah! You fucking idiot. I'm calling your father.

Sir, I love you. I love you, sir!

MUSIC: "Screams From Da Old Plantation" by King Kapisi

# Fai fai pea, fai fai pea

# Screams from the old plantation non-stop

# Fai fai pea, fai fai pea... #

POP MUSIC ON TV

JONAH LAUGHS Don't, faggot.

-Was an accident.

-Dad!

Don't fucking say anything, or I'll punch you in the vagina.

'Because of the ranga incident,'

Mr Joseph told my dad and I got grounded.

Turn that shit down.

-How do you turn this shit off?

-Dad, Jonah's being...

-Don't even say it.

Stop talking. Moses, we've got to get ready for bowling.

-You're not going anywhere. You're grounded.

-Grounding's for homos.

-You want a smack as well?

-No.

-Do something useful with your life!

-Do something useful with your face.

'My dad, he always wants me to be'

a priest, or a rugby player, or something good.

That shit's for homos.

-What the fuck was that?

-Jonah.

-I didn't do it!

Look, fuckhead. Stop mucking around with the wall.

-You want to sit on your arse all day doing nothing?

-No.

-You're coming to work with me.

-I'm not going to go to work with you!

I'll get you a uniform, and you're coming to work with me.

I'm grounded, you can't take me to work. You've got a dick job.

Hey, go home, he's grounded.

Listen! Get ready to go to work with me,

or otherwise your arse is going to get red hot where I smacked it.

Jonah, are you coming or what? Your dad's mad as fuck.

He's always mad as fuck.

Let's get ready, boys. We're going bowling.

-Go on!

-Shit!

-Hey, there's Melody.

-Hey, Melody!

-Melody! What are you doing?

-Hey.

-What do you reckon?

-THEY JEER

-Take it easy, big boy.

Woo hoo!

Melody!

-Come chill with me over here.

-All right.

-Sorry, girls.

I'm taking her away.

-Hey, you're losing.

-Huh?

-You're losing.

-You're not any better.

-You look hot.

-Thanks.

-Have you eaten much today?

No, why?

The food's good here. Hot chips are good.

Um, I wanted to ask you something.

-You know that assignment we've got to do in design?

-Yeah?

Well, would I be able to papier-mache you? Like your body?

What the fuck? Put papier-mache on me?

Why the fuck would you want to do that?

It's a sculpture thing. Miss said we could do them.

I was going to papier-mache my dick but Miss said no.

-Um, whatever. But I should get back to the game.

-OK.

-Thanks for talking to me.

-You do realise we're cousins.

Yeah, I know. I don't care. Hey, before you go,

I want to tell you a joke. A bowling joke.

-No!

-What did the bowling alley do...to my dick.

"Give me balls!"

-You're so lame.

-It's a joke, I made it up!

See you, Melody.

Hey, Moses. Ask if you can touch it.

Miss, can he touch the ball?

Moses is obsessed with the golden bowling ball.

-You're touching 10,000, Moses.

-Ahhh...

It's this bowling ball, right, and they keep it on the shelf

-behind the counter, and it's worth 10,000...

-As if!

..cos it's made of pure, solid gold.

-Bull.

-It is! Ask the manager! We asked last time we were here.

-You speak out of your arse.

-You don't even know!

Ah, you can feel how expensive it is.

If it was worth that much, they wouldn't have it on the shelf.

-That's why they've got security.

-THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE

Oh shit, your dad, Jonah!

-Jonah! I'm going to smack your arsehole.

-Boys, boys!

Come over here, you little fuckwit!

Go down here, go down here!

If you don't come over here, I'm going to kick the shit out of you.

Come over here right now!

-You...

-Come and get us, Dad! Come and get us.

-Yeah? All right!

Come over here!

-You're dead, motherfucker!

-Dad! Dad!

-SHOUTING

Mate, you can't do that here.

-Stop breaking the rules.

-I'm going to break your dick when we get home.

Well, yeah, cos you're a homo! Always thought you were one!

Please put your smocks away, then please tuck your chairs in, guys.

Hey! Hey! You're ripping, smaller strips.

How long is this going to take to dry?

It's really quick. I'm going to use a hairdryer.

-I've got to do more of this area.

-Stop trying to touch my boobs,

-you sicko!

-I'm not! This surface needs more work.

-Just stop, my goodness.

-I can't help it.

-I've got to do this just one...

-Jonah, stop!

-I've just got to make it good.

-Jonah, that looks good as.

-You look hot in newspaper, Melody.

-Hey, Jonah, you need any help?

-No.

-Don't fucking touch.

-Yeah, fuck off.

-She's my cousin.

-Yeah, only Jonah can touch me.

-Yeah, only I can touch her.

We're relations. I'm the artist in this situation.

-Then stop trying to touch my boobs.

-I'm not! I'm just doing this bit.

I'm not even touching it, I'm doing the middle bit.

Where's the snorkel?

-Put this in your mouth.

-Do I have to do? Really?

Yeah, cos I've got to do your face. I'm doing the whole thing.

Feet to face. OK.

Oh, look! Jonah, that looks like cum!

-That's what Jonah wants to splat on her face for real.

-Ah, yuck!

-Come on, pack up, please.

-It's called art, isn't it, Miss?

Yes, it's a fantastic sculptural form.

I want you to think about your process diary and your design brief.

Yeah, I know about it. It's about my culture.

-It's about Tongan girl shapes and what they mean to me.

-Hmm.

I'm going to need more of an explanation than that.

-You need a hug, Miss.

-No, no. No! Jonah, get off!

-Jonah! Get off, Jonah. Pack up, please.

-Thanks, Miss.

-Pack up.

OK, girls, plug this in and dry it, and when you've finished drying,

just lift it off, put it on the table, put my name on it.

-I'll leave this with you.

-Hey, what's up, Mr Joseph?

-Mr Joseph!

-Jesus Christ. How did you wangle this?

-It's called art, sir.

You don't know shit about art. It's a sculpture.

-Why are you in design for?

-I'm here to escort you little pricks

over to your first counselling session with Mr Fonua.

-I figured you'd forget.

-Mr who?!

We know where to go, sir. You don't need to take us.

We don't want to hang around with Kool Kris.

-It was all part of the deal. You're bullies.

-He's a homo!

-You need to learn the error of your ways.

-Sir, don't take us there. I know where his room is.

-Promise?

-Yes, sir.

-Yeah! Trust us for once.

-Well, don't fuck me around. You go straight there, yeah?

-We will, sir.

-Straight there.

-Go! Go on.

-See you, sir.

-Straight there!

Moses, quick! We've got to hide from Kool Kris, the counsellor.

-When he comes, duck down.

-Quick!

Down, boys. Get down!

-Oi, fellas! Come over, let's get started!

-Let's go, boys.

Get under the table!

THEY LAUGH

-Where is he? Where is she?

-Sshhh!

-Shut up!

-What are you boys doing?

-Oh, shit. Nothing, Miss. What are YOU doing?

Mr Fonua is looking for you. I've just walked past him.

Apparently you've got an appointment.

-We're going, Miss.

-You've got an appointment. Off you go.

-We're on our way there. We're just stopping out there.

-Off you go.

Love you, Miss.

We're going to need to split up, go separate directions,

if we're going to lose him. Let's do it. Let's split up, boys. Let's go.

Different directions, boys!

Sister. I feel sick. I've got like stomach pains or some shit.

Oh, you poor thing. Come on through.

We going to the sickbay?

Well, maybe you need a glass of water, yes?

Yeah, I might have to lie down too.

You do feel like you have a temperature.

A little rest will help make you feel better.

Have you still got the tummy pains?

Yeah, I think I might have food poisoning, Sister.

Um, and my head hurts, too.

Oh, well rubbing the head a little bit sometimes helps when it's sore.

-Um, my dick hurts too.

-What?

-Nothing, I'm only joking.

-Do you feel like you might throw up?

-Nah. Oh, actually, yeah, I might.

Well, I'm going to leave you to rest for a while. OK?

-OK.

-I'm only going to be over there, so call me if you need me.

I don't want you to go, but. You stay, cos I'll be bored.

-I've got work to do.

-I want to tell you some jokes, Sister. Sit down!

Sit down. I'll tell you some jokes. Just a couple of jokes.

-Just come on. You'll like my jokes and shit.

-No, but no swearing.

-OK.

First joke.

Um... What did the school say when the teachers didn't come?

-"You're sacked, so get lost."

-Oh, that's silly.

-It's not a swear word.

Um...

What did the nun say to the priest? "Shut up."

-SHE LAUGHS

-I don't know why, but I like that one.

Um, what did the old lady say to her face?

-"Shut your face, nun head."

-Oh, I don't like that one.

I was just being silly. I wasn't being mean, Sister.

-Can I do some rapping? Like freestyle rapping?

-Well, all right.

But if that phone rings, I've got to get it.

Can you beatbox? No?

Um, OK.

It's about Holy Cross.

-HE RAPS:

-I like Holy Cross The teachers get cross

Cross the road Jesus on the cross

-You are a nun You look quite good in your hood

-SHE LAUGHS

How many nuns do you meet in your life? Probably none... Get it?

-SHE LAUGHS

-I like the nun bit, yeah. I do like the none bit.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Sister, we feel a bit sick.

-Yeah.

What, all of you? Did you all eat the same thing?

-Yeah, I think its the flu or something.

-Oh, my goodness.

Sister thinks we might have food poisoning, boys. From the tuck shop.

I haven't got enough beds for all of you,

so you'd better just hop onto Jonah's bed and have a rest.

-Come on, boys. We'll share it up. Thanks, Sister.

-Thanks, Sister.

Thanks for looking after us. We'll just chill here.

We'll let you know if anything bad happens, any medical emergencies.

-Yeah.

-I'll come back and check on you later.

Hopefully we don't have heart attacks.

She fell for it.

THEY ALL SING: # You're my island girl

# Let's be together forever I'm your island boy

# I kill a horse for you

# And we can lead it together... #

-JONAH RAPS:

-Yeah, yeah

Hey, all the girls,

I want to suck on your tits so come here

Yeah!

Take your clo... And let's get... I promise it won't hurt...

-Oh, here we are, boys.

-We're sick, sir.

-You don't sound sick to me.

I just heard some cool rapping and singing.

-We've got food poisoning from the tuck shop.

-Yeah.

All right. Look, you win this time. Lunchtime's over.

But Mr Joseph told me

you've got detention this afternoon at the horticultural centre.

We're going to meet for counselling, all right?

-Don't be afraid, guys. I don't bite.

-Fuck, no way.

-My friend, we just don't want to do it.

-Get up and go to class now.

Argh, fuck shit.

-Sir, why do you have to be a...

-Come on.

-Flipping hell, stop bullying us.

Arsehole.

-Hey, Sister!

-Bye, Sister.

-We are feeling better. Thanks, Sister.

They're hopeless!

-What is this shit, anyway?

-You have to plant it on the thing.

-Don't take it out. This is pretty fun, boys.

-It's boring.

It's not fun at all. You stuffed it up. You put too much dirt.

-Hey, stop messing with my work!

-Don't hit my arse.

-It still hurts from the weekend.

-Did your dad give you a hiding, Jonah?

Tongan dads, eh? Ooosh. Garden's looking good, boys. Keep going.

-I was thinking we could have a chat at the same time.

-Don't want to.

Hey, listen.

Today's more about just airing any issues you might be having

with the school, or at home.

You won't get in trouble for anything you say, so just feel free.

It's more of a general kind of get-to-know-you session.

-Get to know my dick, sir.

-That sounds gay as, Jonah.

Fuck off.

Sir, no-one cares what you have to say,

so enjoy talking to yourself, Krissie Church-head.

I've been through some pretty shit times myself, all right?

I held tough. You guys can say whatever you want to say,

call me whatever you want. It's water off a duck's back.

OK, you're a Christian homo dickhead and a shit dancer.

-THEY LAUGH

-You said say anything!

See, I don't even care.

I was saying that kind of stuff when I was your age as well.

Hey, listen. What about Mr Joseph? What do you guys think about him?

-He's a knobhead.

-No, fuck off, he's a legend.

-No, he's not.

-He killed people in the army.

-No, he didn't, you liar.

-Yeah.

-He did, he told me.

-Don't lie.

-He did.

Have you guys thought about your future?

-Any areas of work you want to get into?

-I want to go to uni.

-Yeah?

-Jonah, you?

-Go to uni.

Well, uni is pretty hard to get into. I'd love it if you got in.

You shouldn't rule it out. What about the trades, guys?

Any of the vocational trades training subjects interest yous?

-Metalwork's pretty good.

-Yeah?

-I like papier-mache.

Well, that's good. That's art. Maybe you could be an artist.

-No, I'm a shit drawer.

-Anyone else?

Guys, I want to talk about bullying. Right?

You've been in some trouble for bullying. Why do you do it?

-Cos we dominate the school.

-Yeah, we're the toughest in the school,

so we have to remind people not to mess with us.

I don't think you do dominate.

And I think you guys know it deep down inside.

So you guys try and pick on small kids just to make yourself

-feel better. Am I right?

-No.

I'm a fob too, boys. I remember what it was like in high school.

Yeah, but you would have been a nerd fob. We're way tougher than you.

I was saying that to teachers when I was your age too.

-I thought all my teachers were nerds.

-You really are one, sir.

Sorry to tell you.

Mr Joseph tells me you've been in trouble with the law as well.

Is that right?

Ages ago. But I'm good now.

Shoplifting, tagging and stuff?

Yeah, Jonah did shoplifting,

-trying to show off in front of the Soldierz.

-Who are the Soldierz?

Just these gun as boys. They're older than us. Fob boys.

-They're rich as.

-What, and they encourage you to shoplift?

They don't sound like good guys to me.

They are. They're legendary.

All right. Well, what about your dancing, guys?

-You guys are incredible. Why don't you pursue that?

-We're shit as.

-Yeah.

-You saw the dance demo the other day.

-We suck.

-There's no way we'd ever be as good as those boys.

Yeah, but that's because you don't practise.

I guarantee you, if you guys work at it,

you'll surprise yourselves. I've seen you in the playground.

You guys are incredible. And your singing is awesome.

Moses, the tone in your voice, man, is beautiful. I mean that.

I'm taking him to America to get a record deal.

-Just got to get 5,000 first.

-Yeah, they're going Qantas.

-Business class.

-OK.

Upgraded to first class. It's better. First class is better.

-Listen. Feel The Beat.

-Sir, that look gay as.

-Well, it's not, OK?

Entries close soon. You guys got to sing, and dance, and do whatever.

-We're not doing it.

-Why not?

-Cos we don't want to.

-Guys, listen.

The prize, if you make it through to the heats,

and then the state finals, and make it to the nationals,

the prize is a trip to America to work with industry professionals,

and to make contacts with people in the entertainment industry.

That's good for you.

-How do we win it?

-Well, you've got to make a video clip entry, right?

And it's got to be an original performance

with an anti-bullying theme. All right?

If they like your clip, you make it to the heats.

And if you go through in that, you can make it to the state finals

at the Sydney Entertainment Centre, see?

-Well, we don't know how to do a video clip, sir.

-Well, I do.

What do we have to do? Like a song or some shit?

OK, well this is what I suggest.

You guys work with me every afternoon this week,

and we work on the song together. We make a video clip and we send it in.

See what happens. Guys, this is an awesome opportunity.

What do you reckon, Sonny?

-All right, strum me something. Just strum me anything.

-Anything? Ready?

GUITAR CHORD

# Ooh, I feel so alone... #

Sir, that is the gayest thing you've ever done!

-What?

-Krissie, don't ever sing again, OK? Don't ever sing!

Listen, the song has to have an anti-bullying message.

Fuck, that was funny.

Listen, I'm thinking maybe if Moses sings the hook, all right?

This is all part of it, guys.

We have to encourage each other and learn how to build each other up.

-It's got to sound gangster.

-It's got to sound mean as.

-Not that gay stuff.

I don't want to do a gay song.

All right, I'll do a beatbox, and then you guys freestyle.

-Yeah! Drop us a beatbox.

-Hit us with our beat, Krissie.

-OK.

KRIS BEATBOXES

-Yo!

-Yeah!

-Krissie...

-HE RAPS:

-Bully...

-THEY LAUGH

-Fuck off!

-It's good, it's good! Keep going.

-I'm trying! I'm doing my best.

That's it, That's the point. Ready?

HE BEATBOXES

-Yo, yo...

-Bully, bully...

Don't say bully, that is arse!

I don't care, it doesn't matter.

Jonah sounds good anyway, but.

Yo, I want to beat the shit out of every motherfucker...

-Whoa, whoa! We're against bullying, remember?

-Oh, yeah!

-Oh, yeah!

I'm getting the bully bit. Go, go.

-HE RAPS:

-We're Fobba-liscious Listen to us

MOSES: # I feel sad, I feel pain When you call me that name

# I'm a person just like you... #

To be a bully

Hey bullies, loosen up

Stop walking round thinking you're so tough

Just cos the kid's got a different colour hair

Don't mean you can be a bully Yeah yeah yeah

You're going to get busted for calling kids names

The teacher's getting notes put down on your names

So don't be a bully Bully bully

Fobba-liscious, listen to us

# I feel sad, I feel pain when you call me that name

-# I'm a person, just like you

-To be a bully

# I feel sad, I feel pain when you call me that name

-# I'm a person, just like you. #

-To be a bully

If a kid's being a pussy just try to be nice

Don't punch him in the head Just try to socialise

Hi, what's up, we're Fobba-liscious

What do you want to do at lunch?

You might become friends with kids you once thought were dicks

Kicking with the dickheads The dickety-dick-dicks

So don't be a bully, mully mully

Fobba-liscious, listen to us...

Sir, that is awesome! That looks good, sir. You made us look gun as!

-Mean as! Well done, sir!

-I love your editing.

-We're going to win it, Jonah!

-We're going to win!

We're going to win!

-Hey, I'm going to send it in straightaway. This is awesome.

-Yeah!

We're going to whip them, boys!

What's up, ducks?

Don't do the homework!

Boys, don't do the homework, cos I'm not doing it. Love you, boys.

-MUFFLED MUSIC

-Is that George?

Yep.

-Hey, George.

-Here's trouble.

-What are you doing?

-Cruising.

What's up, ducks?

Boys.

-Want to see something pretty awesome?

-Yeah, what is it?

-Oh, fuck!

-That's sick.

-That is gun as. What is it?

-Traditional Tongan machete, bro. Sharp as shit.

-Shit, can I hold it?

-It's pretty heavy, eh?

-Oh, fuck man.

We don't know but it's an antique, or something, bro.

-It was probably used to kill someone.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah, bro.

-Wow.

Hey, you guys want to do something brave?

Something that proves to us that you're real men?

-What, like something dangerous?

-Yeah.

Something that might kill you, man.

What, are you scared or something?

-Someone might take you out, man.

-Maybe. What?

Come on, there's the tattoo, man.

You're supposed to be some sort of warrior.

-What you scared of?

-Nothing. I'm not scared of anything.

If you boys do this one brave thing for me,

I'll let you take that machete home for one night.

-Oh!

-OK.

-What do you want us to do?

-Have you ever played flat cat?

-No, what is that?

Well, you lie in the road, right? As flat as you can.

But you don't move until I say.

When a car comes, I'll tell you to jump up.

If you don't move quick enough, you'll get run over like a cat.

-And you become a flat cat, eh?

-I'll do it.

-Yeah, I'll do it too.

-And then we get to keep that?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Get on the road, then.

Big boys.

-Just here?

-Yeah, in the middle, bro.

All right, stay down. There's a car coming.

Lie down. Put your arms down, man.

Don't move. Stay! Stay, man!

Get up, get up! Go, go!

CAR SKIDS

-CAR HORN

-Fuck! Sorry, car!

-That was fucking scary as!

-You guys got balls, man.

-We nearly got run over!

-You guys are brave, bro. My man, respect.

Yo, for that, here's your prize, boys.

-We get to keep it!

-Yeah, bro. Just for the night, man, all right?

-Take it home. Don't show anyone.

-Put it in your bag, Moses.

Yeah, put it in your bag. Be careful, eh? Honestly, you guys did it, man.

Fuck man! You should feel my heart right now, it's beating so fast.

-Yeah.

-Fuck that!

-Hi, George.

-Melody! Did you get all the glue off you?

-Yeah.

I hate you for making me do that. It was gross.

-She likes you, Jonah. I can tell, man.

-You think so?

-Yeah. You like her?

-Yeah. She's my cousin, but she's hot as.

So, what do we have to do to be in the Soldierz?

You want to be in the Soldierz?

You have to do something braver than flat cat, man.

That's how we all became Soldierz. It ain't easy.

-Anyway. Catch yous up. I've got to go.

-See you, Georgie.

-See you, man.

-See you, boys.

-We've got a machete, Jonah.

-We'll keep it under our bed.

-Yeah.

-Yeah!

-That was scary as.

-I know.

-So, do you want to be in the Soldierz?

-Yeah.

-Do you want to be in the Soldierz?

-Yeah.

-Jonah, Jonah!

-Get it out.

-Ah! You were telling the truth!

-It's good, eh?

The principal here has dobbed me into the Catholic Education Office.

-They're out here to make sure I tick all the boxes.

-Sir! Ah, fuck, Sir!

Just fucking behave!

What are you hanging out with my fat sister for? Are you desperate?

-We wanted to do something brave.

-All jewellery off. Into the trays.

The police has called the school, and I came straightaway.

-It looks pretty serious.

-You're a pussy, bro. Fucking pussy.

If you can't speak nicely to the new inmates, then shut your mouth.

I had a call from Feel The Beat, and you guys have been selected.

-Oh, yeah!

-Jonah!

-We got in Feel The Beat!

We're going to perform in front of a audience!

Fuck off or say goodbye to them.

Fobba-liscious!