Christmas Comedy Shuffle Peter Kay's Comedy Shuffle

Will you please welcome the man himself,

the one and only Mr Peter Kay.

Let's hear it.

CHEERING

Hello!

How are you? How are you?

I'm bringing it over here with me.

-Take it with you.

-Yeah, yeah.

That might be one of your relations, Peter.

I know!

Hello, darling. How are you? Lovely to see you.

Nice to see you, too.

-I think you dropped a ball.

-I've dropped me balls.

There you go.

Better cut that out.

Where are you? Where do I sit?

Sit on the couch, Peter - if you can in that.

Yes.

Happy Christmas!

Don't! I'll wee myself!

We're not drunks here, we haven't had...

He doesn't drink and I'm on the wagon.

Barbara doesn't drink, either.

This is just good spirits, seriously.

It's Christmas, it's Christmas.

Who have we got in tonight?

Let's have a look up here.

Come on, give us a wave.

That lad's hit the jackpot.

He's here with the wife.

Enjoy yourself, me old PayPal.

Who have we got down here?

She's not taking any shit tonight, this one.

Don't hide behind your torch, love.

Watch her, she'll have you, she'll pounce on you.

And her mate.

There you go, anybody nice down here tonight?

I see young Terry Waite's in.

Nice to have a night out without the blindfold.

Hope it's not too bright for you.

What about down here?

Oh, look, it's Gerry Adams in a trendy hoodie.

Oh, or is it George Lucas?

You never see them both together, do you?

Never see them both together, I think you know what I'm saying.

He's keen, he's keen.

Look at that lad!

Curtains?! What year is it?!

You're twisting me melon, man, you talk so cheap.

Call the cops.

Oh, I feel like Anneka Rice on Treasure Hunt here.

Let's have a look, let's have a look.

Hello, my friend.

Never mind Ross Kemp On Gangs, Ross Kemp's on his knees here.

Can't get a seat.

Hello, over there, give us a wave.

Whoa, what have we got here? It's a human mountain.

Not a lie.

This lad here will knock you on your arse.

He's what known in stewarding as a BS -

brick shithouse.

You lot are in his patch and if he sees you even smiling,

he'll have you.

I'nt that right, brother? He knows, he understands.

Who have we got here? Oh!

Ooh, OK, you've a look of Susan Boyle, love.

Look at her! The absolute spit of her.

You should think about doing a tribute act to her, love.

Incredible.

And that's my fantastic audience in Glasgow tonight.

Thank you.

It's a lookalike, calm down.

Su-Bo! Su...

Come on, now, it's a lookalike, I've told you.

-That's him sorted out.

-Feeling the pressure more than most

is the club social secretary, Brian Potter.

We caught up with him and the committee as they were debating

the entertainment for the children's Christmas party.

What about Nobby Allcock?

-No way.

-Hear me out - I know he's blue but he does

a smashing side-line in Punch and Judys for kids.

Yeah, what sort? We're not having him back after last Easter.

-He's filthy and he's

-BLEEP

-foul-mouthed.

Hey, there's no need for that language, please.

I've got a photograph of the wife in the wallet -

can you curb your language?

Look at me. National television looking like a right cock.

No, you're looking...

You look fabulous!

OK, the Windy Dick, Den Perry's recommended him.

The Windy Dick, he's called.

-The Windy Dick?

-Acrobat.

But I Photostatted his biog for you, just chuck that out for me, please.

Direct from the streets of gay Paris, the Windy Dick is excitement.

He has been thrilling audiences throughout the world

for over a decade now. Self-taught acrobatics and balloon sculpture.

A pure flight of fantasy with a whole host

of unforgettable characters.

Cascade, Ricardo, Giorgio, his pet snake, which erupts from the mouth.

That's all there is cos Marian unplugged the fax so she could hoover.

-What do you think of him?

-I think the frog's a winner.

Balloons and all that, the kids will lap that up.

-Yeah.

-Plus, if he's new, he'll be cheap.

OK, all those in favour of the Windy Dick, please say aye.

-Aye.

-Aye.

-Right, thanks for your attendance, gentlemen,

and I declare this meeting closed. Thank you.

Things you miss about living at home. Why do mums call you

by everyone else's name in family before they get to yours?

What's all that about?

"Pass me that, will you, Philip, Martin, Paul, John, James, Anne-Marie,

"Peter, Peter."

Anne-Marie?

"Mum, I'm going out." "What should I say if anybody rings?"

Well, I've gone out.

Things you don't miss -

me mum shaving her legs with me Mach 3 Turbo.

They don't show that on't advert, do they, mum in the bath?

"The new Mach 3 Turbo - smoother, too."

I'm just having a shave, I'll be two minutes.

Aargh!

"I haven't touched it." Haven't touched it?

You've been planing a door frame with it is what you've been doing.

Missing face off here.

-RADIO:

-Big, big drive home. So, today's tea-time teaser...

So how was your appraisal?

It went well, actually. Talked about moving me forward for a promotion.

-Oh.

-And they're putting me in charge of Christmas.

-Ooh!

-Yeah.

That's fantastic, well done.

184...

184 what?

Sleeps till Christmas.

I love it. I've started my Christmas CD already.

Shall I bring it in for you tomorrow?

Not in this car.

# Step into Christmas Step into Christmas

# Dee ba deh da deh deh da deh deh da deh deh... #

What's your favourite Christmas song?

Not that one.

# Bah humbug, but that's too strong

# Cos that's my favourite Christmas song

# Merry Christmas Merry Christmas... #

All right, enough now.

# Merry Christmas Merry Christmas... #

All right, all right.

# Cos we'll be driving home for Christmas... #

Yeah, leave it now.

Seriously, don't do that, don't do that.

All right, all right, get off, I'm driving a vehicle, all right.

All right, Grinch.

Where's your festive cheer?

Next week in the club, it's the children's Christmas party.

Oh, look, it's Father Christmas.

Happy Christmas.

The Windy Dick is more daring

than Brian and the committee ever expected.

I go up on Sundays for me dinner.

I went last Sunday cos she had a big chicken.

But I don't go every Sunday.

I don't go every Sunday because when she gets extra family,

she's got to get the emergency chairs out.

Oh, every family has some emergency chairs.

Usually get them out at Christmas and birthdays when you get

extra family, they're in back bedroom upstairs.

I were driving to me mum's on Christmas Day,

I saw a bloke crossing over Bury Road in Bolton,

he had a fag in his mouth and two dining room chairs.

"Bring some chairs round, I've not got enough chairs.

"Bring that little poof, bring that little poof round.

"I don't know his name, bring him round."

Everyone's at different sizes round t'table, nothing matches.

Cheers, all the best.

Big tall bar stool.

It's a nosebleed up here.

What do you want? Gravy?

There you go.

That's your gravy, there you go.

MUSIC: All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey

We can't be playing this.

You recognise it?

I know what it is.

I love this one.

Love it.

Makes me proper happy, this.

This is wrong.

-Why?

-You can't be playing this, it's the middle of summer,

look at the weather outside.

-It's cracking flags.

-And?

You can play Christmas songs whenever you like, John.

No, you play them at Christmas -

that's why they're called Christmas songs.

Tell you what, she's got some pipes on her, I'll give her that.

-What?

-Pipes, singing voice.

# All I want for Christmas is you... #

You know she says that's all she wants for Christmas but I bet you

any money if that's all you got her on Christmas morning,

she'd lose her frigging mind.

Yeah, what she really means is all I want for Christmas is you,

but carrying a sack filled with about four grand's worth of pressies.

Exactly. Typical woman.

Says one thing, means another.

This is from one of my favourite Christmas films ever,

Love Actually.

-Watch it every year.

-Show it every year and all.

Every day on every bloody channel.

-Sick to death of it.

-They play it at the end at that school show

when Martine McCutcheon and Hugh Grant have the kiss

-and fall in love.

-What a load of crap!

-What?

-As if.

-What do you mean?

Well, as if the Prime Minister of England'd fall for a bloody maid.

Of course he could, John.

-Load of old bull.

-It's not bull, it's love...

actually.

I'd fall for Hugh Grant easily.

He'd only have to look at me once.

-Hugh Grant?

-Oh, yeah, definitely.

He's gorgeous.

Wouldn't climb over him for a piss, John.

Charming.

Hello, welcome to our one-hour One Show cracker with Adrian Chiles.

And Christine Bleakley,

and to welcome our very special guest tonight.

Peter Kay is here.

Even though singing's not his day job,

Amarillo is just one of Britain's favourite comedian's

three UK number ones.

Fresh from hosting the Royal Variety Show

in front of Her Majesty, he now fulfils another lifetime ambition

by appearing on The One Show.

Come on, come on, come on.

I accosted John Sergeant, I accosted him.

He was in the corridor and I kidnapped him and he's here

and he's staying, he's hostage,

he's hostage! John Sergeant is hostage.

Hello, you.

Hello, Christine.

-How are you, darling?

-I'm good, I'm good.

Adrian Chiles, what it is, brother!

Give me some, go on, do it, Adrian.

-Just, please sit down.

-I know you want to! You animal!

I am going to rock your world tonight, boy. Rock your world!

Oh, dear, Peter, I have waited since the day I started on The One Show

to have you here as a guest. Isn't that true?

It's absolutely... She says that to most guests,

but it's true in your case.

It's either this or Emmerdale and I'll tell you now, this wins.

Thank you!

Up to half past, then it's Corrie, but...

we'll deal with that at half seven.

-Don't go.

-Are you sure I don't have to go?

No, because in a minute when we go to this VT about bipolar

or British Gas or something like that, or benefit fraud,

I'm going to write some ransom demands.

So what's first, then?

Bullseye, Sunday afternoons.

I used to love Bullseye, me.

It were weird, Bullseye, cos it were shit and it were good.

Honest to God, you knew where you stood with Bullseye.

And every week my sister used to say,

"How do they split a car between them?"

End of the programme, "How do they split a fitted kitchen,

"with a chainsaw?"

Cos usually on Bullseye, there were just two people,

they weren't related, they were usually from the pub -

the clever one and the darts player.

There were two blokes, or two women -

you usually couldn't tell whether the women were blokes on Bullseye.

Leanne, she'd be dart player, in stonewashed denim.

Love and Hat tattooed on her knuckles,

cos she'd lost a finger.

Valerie, her friend, she'd be answering questions,

she were the clever one in a maroon shell suit.

Five o'clock shadow.

"Showbiz, Jim, showbiz."

"Showbiz I'd like, please, showbiz."

Showbiz you'd like, showbiz you'd like, OK, showbiz you'd like.

Showbiz, Leanne.

Spelling you've got, never mind.

Spelling you've got.

For £4...

For £4, Valerie, could you spell hermaphrodite?

E-R-M-A-U-T...

Err-ruh-mah-teh...

Ermafra... I'll have to rush you, Valerie.

I'll have to rush you, son.

When they run out of time on spelling, do you remember, Bully,

used to walk across t'bottom of t'telly with a big dictionary?

HE MOOS

What were all that about, what were that?

What were that? Moooo!

Jim, Jim could see him. "Thanks for that, Bully, thanks for that."

Jim's smacked off his tits, doesn't know what day it is.

What's our man manhandling here?

This has been developed by a university in Scotland,

and it's to be used by patients who perhaps have lost a finger or two.

It picks up impulses from the brain and will open and close the hand,

but there are sensors on the fingertips,

which mean any delicate objects you have, or are picking up...

..won't get crushed.

I wouldn't mind borrowing this.

-May I have it back, please?

-Can I borrow it over Christmas?

-Can I just demonstrate what you mean?

-It's like a claw, for Christmas, that.

It is quite sensitive, cos look, it will actually pick up a cup,

you see, cos it senses... Look.

Shall we give that...?

I won't be using it for cups, Adrian.

It would be a good time to press on, then, wouldn't it?

A question to bring us crashing back to the present.

A big one, this - is your gas meter imperial or metric?

Is your gas meter imperial or metric?

You see, on the face of it -

on the face of it, that's possibly the most boring question

we've ever put to you on The One Show.

Having said that, we did once ask you to tell us which you like best,

broccoli or cauliflower. Do you remember that?

-I watched that one, yeah.

-What did you vote? Did you go online?

-Millions did.

-It's just kept on me Sky+ planner, that.

That's all I know.

I'm still burning discs of it at t'car boot, that, Adrian.

Broccoli was the clear winner.

Clear winner.

It's like Pebble Mill on smack!

I love it!

I love it!

I don't know who you blackmailed to get this job, boy,

but I am loving it!

You...

-Ow, me

-BLEEP

-hands.

Jesus wept!

DIRECTOR: Action.

Oh, oh...

MUSIC: I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday by Wizzard

Hear that noise? That's Roy Wood, that, cashing his royalty cheques.

I wouldn't mind being a pound behind that fella.

Oh, it proper reminds me of Christmas, this!

-Yeah, it will do.

-I always get it mixed up with Slade.

Well, they're both in the same year, 1973, the year I was born.

-I bet that's why.

-Why, what year were you born?

1976.

Oh, we used to play this every year when we were decorating the tree.

I remember having this on a single.

I always used to believe in the words

cos I actually do wish it could be Christmas every day.

Well, I'd have it every four years if it were up to me,

like the Olympics.

But you can't. It's Jesus's birthday.

And?

I don't force him to celebrate mine.

It's just a load of stress, at the end of the day.

-Why stress?

-Hassle.

You put on two stone over two weekends,

you don't know what day it is,

or when your bins are going to be emptied nor nothing,

there's piss-all on television,

and they've got the cheek to repeat that twice.

Sat in silence with people you can't stand for t'see rest of t'year,

bloody panic buying presents for them at the last minute,

and then you've got Amazon leading you a merry dance,

not delivering the parcels on time,

hanging round the GPO like an idiot in the rain...

-Bah humbug, John.

-Well.

I'm actually surprised you haven't been visited by three ghosts.

What?

It's Christmaaaaaaaaaaas!

That's Slade, I've told you!

Psycho.

And it's summeeeeeer!

Ya tit.

HE HUMS BULLSEYE THEME

OK, you're through to Bully's prize board.

Valerie, Leanne, come this way, come this way, boys.

OK. Now, your £40, that's safe.

That's going nowhere.

Back pocket of Farah.

Now you've got the time it takes for the board to revolve.

What do you want to do? You can ask the audience,

come on, ask the audience.

AUDIENCE: Gamble!

What do you reckon? Well, I've had a right good day, Jim,

had a right good day, you know, we've really enjoyed ourselves.

Just being away from the centre for a few hours is a blessing, you know,

cos Leanne's electronically tagged.

But, er... But, er...

What? What?

We're going to gamble, Jim, we're going to go for it,

we're going to gamble.

Let's have a look at the prizes, shall we?

I-i-i-i-n one.

In one, kids won't have to suffer Mum's Rola Cola any more...

..with this fantastic SodaStream.

And Bully's special prize!

A speedboat. Always a speedboat.

Where do they live? Tamworth.

200 miles to t'sea.

When they used to lose on Bullseye, what did Jim Bowen used to say?

Let's have a look at what you could have won!

Yes, my friend!

"Let's have a look at what you could have won."

Kick 'em when they're down, Jim!

Rub a bit of salt in the wound, my friend.

"Let's have a look." He's bringing the speedboat on and showing it to them.

Bring it on, boys.

MOROSE BULLSEYE THEME

Take it back now. Take it back.

You'll not see that again. You've shit-owt, take it back.

"Let's have a look at what you could have won."

I always think he'd make a really bad priest at a wedding, Jim Bowen.

"I now pronounce you man and wife by the power invested in me.

"Gary, Julie, OK.

"Gary, before you whisk Julie off to Tenerife - it's over there, OK.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

"Let's have a look at what you could have married.

"Oh, you slipped up there!

"She's 16, she's Filipino, take her back, boys!"

MOROSE BULLSEYE THEME

"Don't worry, you've still got your Bendy Bullys.

"And your £40.

"It'll take me the commercial break to count it out."

It's 40 quid, Jim.

What is it in, 2ps?

This is a catch-21 situation, Jerry, only you can get us out.

Me? How?

CREAKING

Excuse me.

Sorry. It's funny, that chair.

Me? How?

CREAKING

I'm leaving it in.

Me? How?

Shut up.

We're in a Catch-21 situation, Jerry.

Oh, I'm laughing.

Me? How?

CREAKING

LAUGHTER

-What? What?

-Come here a minute, come on!

-Get off me, you girl!

-Come on!

-You've heard, then?

Oh, I've heard.

Eh? Eh? Eh?

Irritable bowels.

-Move the

-BLEEP

-over there.

MUSIC: Lonely This Christmas by Elvis Presley

God almighty.

Lonely This Christmas.

Have you not got any carols?

No. They don't do a Now That's What I Call Carol.

MUSIC: Stop The Cavalry by Jona Lewie

Oh, I like this one. It's one of my favourites.

They're all your favourites.

That's cos they're all Christmas songs.

This is wrong, this.

Look at the leaves on the trees.

Every time I hear this, it just makes me want to march.

Good luck with that in a Fiat.

-Always makes me a bit sad, this one.

-Yeah, I know.

Melancholy.

Happy sad.

It's the "wish I was at home for Christmas" bit gets me.

Always reminds me of me dad.

Aw, why? Was he a soldier?

No.

He always used to play this and he always used to lift me up

and dance round with me in his arms.

Lordy, must have been strong.

And what's that supposed to mean?

-Well, how old were you?

-I don't know, six, seven.

Well, you can't have been. This song didn't come out till the '90s.

Did it balls! Christmas 1980, this, Jona Lewie.

No, no, it can't have been because I had this on cassette tape

and this song used to come on after East 17 Stay,

so definitely '90s.

What? What does that mean, a cassette tape?

It used to come on after East 17 and they were definitely '90s cos I had

-the puffer jacket.

-Where did you get the cassette tape from?

Someone made me a mixtape.

What does that mean?!

That means frig all!

Why would she have mixed them all up?

Mark is now about to shoot the video for Christmas 2000,

the first single from his new album,

making himself eligible for the most important annual music race of all -

the Christmas number one.

Come on, let's make magic!

This is fantastic, it's a dream come true.

It's a real education, not just for me, for the Sumambis.

And they're from Africa.

They've never seen snow.

I know it's not real snow, but they don't know that, do they?

That's too small, that.

Who's built this?!

# It's Christmas time There's no need to be afraid

# Cos the world is now ready The plans have been made

# He'll be bringing salvation

# He'll be bringing us joy for every man and woman

# Every girl and boy

# Let's raise our glasses and sing Auld Lang Syne

# As we sit on the fence at the crossroads of time

# Our race is now over

# Our future's begun

# It's Christmas 2000 A new number one... #

So why Christmas 2000?

Well, people think I'm probably cashing in on the millennium.

That couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not that shallow.

What I am, though, is very religious and Christmas 2000

is just a simple thank you to the big man upstairs.

It's an ambiguous celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.

-That won't be...

-Many happy returns.

That won't be till Christmas, 2000.

Yes.

This is going to be Christmas, 1999.

What?

This Christmas is Christmas, 1999, not 2000.

Bernie!

# People talk of power Of His miracles performed

# The healing of the sick, the disabled, the deformed

# He'll be changing our future

# He'll make everything fine

# He'll be coming down your chimney

# For the 2000th time

# Let's raise our glasses and sing Auld Lang Syne

# As we sit on the fence at the crossroads of time

# There are 2,000 mountains still left to climb

# It's Christmas 2000, let's have a good time

# It's Christmas 2000

# It's Christmas 2000

# It's Christmas 2000

# A new number one. #

I can't get out of old habits.

I still say to me wife, "Do you want to go to t'video shop for a DVD?"

How old?

And we get those boxsets now, us.

Boxsets of series.

You can't just watch one.

You put 'em on, you're like, "Oh, God, put another one on. I want to see what happens."

I'm like, "I want to go to bed now." "No, put another one on, I want to see what happens."

It's ten to four. "No, put another one on."

I'm sitting here in me own piss and shit. "Put another one on, I want to see what happens.

"Put these two in, quick."

Or you can series link it now with Sky+.

It's incredible. Sky+ is right up there with daylight

and running water as a necessity in my life now.

You can't go back, honest to God.

They come round and say, "Mr Kay, we're turning your gas off.

"It's going to be off for four hours, we're digging at t'top of t'road."

You're joking? All right, never mind.

Dad, Sky's off. "Sky's off?!

"Sky+ is off? Jesus Christ! Ring 'em up, quick!"

It's like losing your left arm, you can't believe it.

I got it for me nana.

You know we went digital a couple of years ago.

I said, "Nana, you've got to go digital."

"I've just got used to pounds, shillings and pence."

I'm like that, "What?"

We're going digital. I've got you Sky+, right.

It's fantastic. You've got...

When you want to record something,

you just press that red button there on t'remote.

"Where do you put your tapes?"

No, there's no tapes now.

It's on a hard drive.

Just go with me, right. And you've got live pause now.

Live pause. So if you want to pause it and go and have a cup of tea

or a wee, you just pause it.

"What about everybody else?"

Come again?

"What about everybody else?"

You're not controlling Britain! It's just you, this.

Bloody hell, it's only £40 a month.

What do you want?

Some couple in Crawley watching Holby City -

"That's Edie gone for a slash.

"Stopped again. It's quarter to ten here.

"Stop start, stop start. What's happening?"

DIRECTOR: Action.

I enjoyed that. It was lovely.

-Just put scolding hot

-BLEEP

-water in that, will you, Pete, next time?

From the top. Still rolling.

I remember the Gogo Birds.

I wanted...

Cut.

Only thing about Sky+ I don't like is me whole life's

on times 30, times 30.

Fast forward. Everything's times 30.

I've not seen an advert for four years.

Are DFS still having a sale?

And it's all or nothing, fast forward, you can't control it.

You're like bang, bang, bang. Oh, it's back on, it's back on!

Go back, go back, go back! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

We're back to the beginning of t' programme, you've gone too far now, not back here.

Fast forward again, fast forward.

Whoa, whoa, it's back on again! What you doing?

Times six, times 12, do it in stages, take your time.

Quicker just watching t'adverts.

That's best when it comes up - two recordings have clashed,

please choose one. What do you do with that?

What do you do? Pick one, pick one, quick!

Am I selecting the one I'm deleting? Am I deleting the one I'm selecting?

Which one? Am I doing that one there? Pick one. I don't know! Throw it to me.

I haven't got a clue! Choose one now.

I don't know! Christ almighty, it's going to fail record,

it's going to fail record, people, quick!

Top or bottom? Top or bottom?

Choose, choose!

It's failed record now. It's too late, see.

MUSIC: Last Christmas by George Michael

Oh!

Let me guess, this is your favourite.

It is, actually, John.

This is my all-time favourite.

Yeah.

This is my favourite, too.

Is it?

Really? Aww.

I knew I'd break you, get you into the Christmas mood.

She says, licking a 99.

Christ, it's not that hot.

I've got those flip-flops.

The other thing I don't like is the panic,

and I mean PANIC you get when you're down to about 4% on your planner.

4% we're on here.

4%. That's you, that.

There's nothing on here of mine.

There's nothing on here of mine.

Look at all... I've two World's Strongest Men and a

Ross Kemp In Bangkok and that's me done here, love. Nothing.

Oh, and A Banged Up Abroad. Excuse me. Pardon me for breathing.

One, two, three, four...

27 hours of 24, how's that happened?

You can't do that! That's not physically possible!

Delete, delete. Oh, that's better, 48%.

Look at that, 48%.

I feel cleansed. 48%.

You've got to have a tidy planner.

And then when we do finally sit down and watch something together,

'king sister rings her up.

Pause.

HE MOUTHS

HE CONTINUES MOUTHING

HE CONTINUES MOUTHING

HE CONTINUES MOUTHING

'king 20 minutes. "I'll see you, bye."

What's she want? "Nothing."

Nothing?!

Nothing.

Press play. Then phone rings again, it's me mum.

"I didn't expect that twist at the end. I didn't think she'd kill him."

What?!

We're 20 minutes behind, you don't tell us that!

You're booked! We'll have you!

Look at that! Oh, my God!

Woo! Woo!

# The mood is right

# The spirit's up

# We're here tonight

# And that's enough

# Simply having a wonderful Christmas time

# Simply having a wonderful Christmas time

# The choir of children sing their song

# They practised all year long

# The mood is right

# The spirit's up... #

We'll do a stage dive...

# We're here tonight

# And that's enough

# Simply having a wonderful Christmas time

# We're simply having a wonderful Christmas time

# We're simply having a wonderful Christmas time. #

Have you been a good little boy?

Have you been a good little girl?

Ho-ho-ho!

# Once upon a Christmas song

# Everybody sang along

# You'd see the joy on every face

# And the world seemed a happier place

# These songs brought us together

# Good time memories forever

# Now I know what they mean

# And what they've given to me

# I'd have never believed

# That we'd be me singing them

# Over and over, and over again

# Every December they get in our heads

# Turn 'em up, play 'em loud

# Every Christmas should be the same

# Singing them over and over and over and over again

-# They say they're good for the soul

-Good for the soul

# But someone tell me I don't know

# Why no one seems to write them no more

# Write them no more

# So the only way to settle the score

# Is to all make way for a new one

# That keeps the heart of the old one

# With a little bit of festive cheer

# And you'll know when Christmas is near

# When this record appears, once a year

# You'll be singing this over and over, and over again

# Every December you'll hear it and say

# Turn it up, play it loud

# Every Christmas should be the same

# Singing it over and over and over and over again

-# It's getting in your head

-It's getting in your head

-# It's getting in your head

-It's getting in your head

# And if you're not singing it all night

# You'd be telling a lie... #

Today, they're lining the streets,

people of all ages overcome with festive joy.

It seems Britain has found its Xmas factor once again.

And the lady responsible for this Christmas magic?

Geraldine McQueen!

# You'll be singing this over and over and over and over again

# Every December you'll hear it and say

# Turn it up, play it loud

# Every Christmas should be the same

# Singing it over and over forever and ever again

MUSIC STOPS

CROWD GROANS

# Over and over and over again

# Over and over and over again

# Over and over and over again

# Over and over and over again

# Over and over and over again

# Over and over and over again

# Over and over and over again

# Over and over and over again

# Over and over and over again

# Over and over and over again

# Turn it up, play it loud

# Every Christmas should be the same

# Singing it over and over forever and ever again. #