Naked Truth QI XL


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Naked Truth

Sandi Toksvig looks at the naked truth with Richard Osman, Lolly Adefope, Lee Mack and Alan Davies.


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Transcript


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APPLAUSE

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Hello, and welcome to a show dedicated to the naked truth.

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Joining me, and full of naked ambition,

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are tonight's skinny dippers.

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In the buff, Richard Osman!

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-APPLAUSE

-Hi.

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In the altogether, Lee Mack!

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-APPLAUSE

-Hello.

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In her birthday suit, Lolly Adefope!

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APPLAUSE

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And indescribable Alan Davies!

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APPLAUSE

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Right, let's hear their buzzers.

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Lolly goes...

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MUSIC: The Stripper

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Richard goes...

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MUSIC: The Stripper

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Lee goes...

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MUSIC: The Stripper

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And Alan goes...

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MUSIC ENDS

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TRICKLING

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What the...

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Well, I need to go now. Don't you?

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-Yeah.

-So, Alan, we're going to start with you.

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-Oh, OK.

-Are you normal or weird?

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I think I'm normal, Sandi.

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KLAXON

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-All right, weird.

-Feel bad.

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Yes, you are weird.

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Anybody here normal?

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I would say, uh, I'll go weird.

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Yes. Normal, do you feel normal, Lolly?

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I feel very much at home here.

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OK. You must have a strange house, but there we are.

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What about you, Richard? Normal?

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I'm going to go out on a crazy limb.

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-Yeah.

-And say maybe I'm a little bit weird.

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Yes. The fact is, nobody is normal.

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So, say you took an average of every single person here in this room,

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and we took height and shoe size and collar size and all those things,

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you won't find anybody who's average in all respects.

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It just doesn't exist.

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And it's called the jaggedness principle.

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And it really matters. In the 1940s, the US Air Force, they thought,

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"I know what we'll do. We'll design a cockpit that fits absolutely

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-"everybody." OK?

-The cockpit has yet to be designed...

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-Yes, that is...

-..that will fit my proportions.

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In what way?

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-Oh, in a plane?

-In a plane.

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Oh, I'm sorry!

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How embarrassing, I thought you were talking about...

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Yes, I try so hard with you boys.

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So they took the measurements of over 4,000 pilots and they designed

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this cockpit seat based on these ten different body measurements.

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And it didn't fit a single pilot.

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Because there isn't any such thing as normal,

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and in the end they had to develop the adjustable seat for aeroplanes,

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because of the jaggedness principle.

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So, take me and Richard. Richard, you come here, just for a moment.

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-Oh, goodness.

-So, if you wanted to do...

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Where's the sun?! Where's the sun?!

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If there was a jacket to be had for the average quiz show presenter...

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Can I just say, I'm very proud of Sandi and her time at the school...

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and I'm so pleased that she's won the grammar prize, well done.

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You do know that people watching won't know who's -

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and I don't use the word lightly - abnormally heighted?

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It could be that you're 25 foot.

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-We need some proportions.

-I'm five foot nine, to give an indication.

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I used to work with the brilliant Humphrey Lyttelton,

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and Humphrey was exactly the same height as me when he was kneeling.

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-I bet I am.

-Shall we try that?

-Yeah.

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OK. Right, here we go.

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Oh, just about.

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APPLAUSE

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Play you at netball any day.

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So, trying to find an average person's unbelievably difficult.

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The Australian Bureau of Statistics used the national census to try and

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find an average Australian.

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So here's what they announced. She was a 37-year-old woman.

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She had a son and daughter, he was six and she was nine.

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The woman is five foot four and 11st.

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She's got a three-bedroom house with about £200,000 left

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on the mortgage. Her family came originally from the UK.

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That is the average Australian.

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And then they couldn't find a single person in the entire country who

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-matched it.

-I think it's me.

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-Are you five foot four?

-Yeah.

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Are you Australian?

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So close!

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OK, try this one, all right?

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So this is a 2014 dating site.

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They surveyed 2,000 London men.

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So the ideal London woman, here's what she looks like.

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Five foot six.

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-Five foot four.

-Five foot four, OK.

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9st. 34C bust, drinks white wine,

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has no tattoos and supports Tottenham.

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Oh!

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No wonder she's single.

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Yeah, well... I've got more on her.

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I've got more. Brown hair.

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Brown hair. She drove an Audi TT, she was either a nurse or a teacher.

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She liked roast dinners.

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She had an exotic foreign accent.

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She loved Dirty Dancing, the movie,

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and the top television show was Friends.

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-Oh, she sounds like an idiot.

-She does!

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That's what a man's really looking for in a woman,

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somebody who likes Dirty Dancing. They're so rare to find.

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-I know.

-I don't think I have any of those...

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-Don't have...

-..qualities.

-You've got brown hair.

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-It's kind of black.

-OK.

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So, if you're not normal, you could be weird.

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In fact, we are all at the table weird.

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It stands for Western educated from industrialised rich democratic

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countries. So why might that be a problem?

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-That be an issue?

-The problem is because they're missing the C off

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the end of WEIRD. Yeah, countries.

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-Oh, I see.

-So the acronym works pretty well.

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-Doesn't really scan though, does it?

-No.

-WEIRDC.

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The problem is that whenever we do sociological research or

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psychological research, 96% of the people who participate

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in these kind of studies, they're usually students, are weird.

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Even though that only represents 12% of the world's population.

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Surely NORMAL could be an acronym for something?

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-Yes.

-Yes, what could it be?

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It ends in "Arsenal loving," I know that.

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I'm just trying...

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Yeah, C's for something else there, isn't it?

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LAUGHTER

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-Nordic men, Arsenal loving.

-Yeah, like John Jensen.

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-Johnny Jensen! Aah!

-Is he a Danish footballer?

-He was, yeah.

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I used to work in a bookmakers, and John Jensen used to come in,

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put bets on, and he put 50 quid once and it won about 400 quid

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and he never collected it.

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-Wow.

-If John Jensen's at home watching this, he'll be like,

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"This is unbelievable. They are literally just talking about me."

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You're not allowed to tell people that they've got a bet that won,

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because they might have accidentally put that bet on

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and meant something else.

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He could be sitting at home going... SHE SPEAKS DANISH

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-Yeah, John Jensen.

-Was he the Swedish Chef or something?

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He scored in the final of the European Championships,

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when Denmark won the tournament in 1992.

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Stunning goal against Germany, Arsenal signed him

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and he didn't score again for three years.

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-I was only two then.

-Yeah.

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OK, I'm going to just cry for a minute.

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-Are you a football fan?

-COYS, COYS, COYS is all I know.

-What is that?

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Come on, you Spurs.

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-RICHARD:

-Suddenly, the perfect woman hoves into view...

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-She likes white wine.

-I know a football joke.

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Oh, I bet Ozil might have asthma now,

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because of all the dust on Arsenal's trophy cabinet.

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Oh!

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I might not know anything about football,

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but I think you've caused a frisson.

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That's the noise of a frisson, isn't it?

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John Jensen's throwing stuff at the telly right now.

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He can't afford a telly, he left his money at the bookmakers.

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He's not watching the telly now, he's round at William Hill's,

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banging on the window.

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Anyway, none of us is normal, but we might just be weird.

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Now, let's look at some naked apes.

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What did the Neanderthal take with him when he went clubbing?

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Are you meaning a club to club things with?

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KLAXON

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Over the years, I thought I'd get better at this.

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We've all been hoping, Alan.

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Given that Alan got a klaxon for saying clubs...

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-Yes.

-..I'm guessing he didn't use clubs.

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-Very good.

-Or she.

-No, he or she did not use...

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See, that's how to do it.

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They lived above the tree line.

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They lived in the desert. There weren't any trees.

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Otherwise you'd use a branch!

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Yeah, but they had spears and arrows

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which had presumably got wooden shafts.

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They couldn't get near enough to club anything.

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-It was too dangerous.

-For all we know, they didn't have clubs.

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I mean, the main thing about it is that we've never, ever seen anything

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shaped remotely like a club. No artefact anywhere.

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I base all my knowledge of Neanderthal men

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from the Wacky Races.

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The Flintstones, obviously, which is incredibly accurate.

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All those people living with dinosaurs.

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-Running in the cars.

-Yeah, exactly!

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To be fair, we've got Wacky Races,

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we've got Flintstones and we've got Captain Caveman.

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So that's three separate bits of evidence

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-that suggests they did have clubs.

-Yeah.

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-Unless they're all making it up.

-Yeah.

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So they didn't take clubs but they took cameras?

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Yes.

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That's one of the earliest photographs.

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That's incredible. They couldn't say cheese, though,

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-because they didn't have cheese.

-Cheese?

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-For the photograph.

-Oh, I see.

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I wonder what they said.

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Bison's quite good. "Bison."

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To be fair, you are just saying "bison" and then smiling.

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-Bison.

-Yeah.

-You could say anything, couldn't you?

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Stick of rock.

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But we've never ever...

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There's never been a painting, there's never been an artefact...

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To be fair, most wooden artefacts will rot.

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So you'd get paintings of spears and we get spearheads that you find,

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but you don't actually get the wooden...

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-You don't get the wooden pole, right?

-Yeah.

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So they might have had clubs that rotted away.

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I understand that you don't want to go too near an animal with a club.

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But if you're fighting neighbouring tribes...

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Probably you would just pick up a stick.

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-But a stick is a club.

-Well, it's not shaped like a club,

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-that's the point.

-When is a club a stick?

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-Yeah.

-When you cover it in chocolate.

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There's the makings of a double act here.

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What they do find a lot of in Neanderthal sites is bones, though,

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so they might have done that thing like from Tales of the Unexpected

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where they got a frozen leg of lamb and used that as a club,

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and then ate the evidence.

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The freezer was also an early invention...

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I'm sorry, Lolly.

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-I apologise.

-No, I'm really learning a lot.

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You're learning? That's good.

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Because I feel like knowledge is draining from me as we speak.

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Now a question about the bare necessities of life, such as shelter.

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So who lived here?

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-Massive bats.

-Massive...?

-No, I said massive.

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OK. And what did you say?

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And I said "not bats".

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-Not bats, OK.

-So between us the answer is massive not bats.

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It's a type of not bat, the massive not bat.

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We could go through a long list of things that didn't live there.

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Oh, er...John Jensen.

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-And he's still playing, or not still playing?

-No.

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He probably has a kickabout with his kids in the garden, you know.

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I know he's not betting any more.

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Anyway, these caves, I can tell you they're in Brazil...

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Brazilians.

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Is not correct.

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They sometimes went as deep as 70 feet, they had multiple chambers.

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Is it some sort of massive animal?

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-Yes.

-Is it termites?

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No, but that would be huge, wouldn't they?

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That would be massive. An army of termites.

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Yeah, like a load of termites going, "Go!"

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And then making a massive tunnel.

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I love that. Little tiny hard hats, running.

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They'd build like a little cart, and then they all ride down it together.

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Whee!

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Suddenly my answer not anywhere near as interesting, if I'm honest.

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Is it a burrowing mammal?

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It is. It's a giant ground sloth.

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They lived from about 2.8 million years ago to about 10,000 years ago,

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and some of them were as big as an adult elephant.

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The largest species, the megatherium,

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weighed up to four tonnes

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and it was 20 foot long from nose to tail.

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So they still have some living relatives today, which is the tree sloths.

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The difference in scale, I mean...

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Say imagine me and Richard.

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To be comparably larger, Richard would need to be about 50 foot tall.

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-So I'd need to be three foot taller than I currently am?

-Yes.

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What's the largest burrowing animal today?

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Oh, that would be the giant "not bat".

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Badgers are quite big.

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Wombats, do they go under?

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-Giant badger?

-I like the question, "Do wombats go under?"

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-Is it wombat?

-No, it's not a wombat.

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-Two bats.

-Two bats!

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I'm going to go with Lolly. It's not bats, OK?

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It's not bats.

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Is it humans?

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-No, it's the polar bear.

-The polar bear burrows?

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-Yeah, they dig...

-Hang on, Alan, I don't think humans burrow either.

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-You said humans!

-We made the Channel Tunnel.

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Well, they made the Chunnel, yes.

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Actually, I think you should win that.

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That's very good. But it's not the largest animal, is it?

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The polar bear, they dig a maternity den

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either in the snow, or in the earth.

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So they are the largest burrowing animal.

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Speaking of caves, anybody been to Nottingham?

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I've been to Nottingham, yeah.

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Hey. Whoa, so have I, mate. Come on.

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-LOLLY:

-I actually went to university really near Nottingham.

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-Did you?

-So let's all chill out, actually.

-This is a small world!

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-Alan?

-Yeah, I've been there.

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No way! Alan's been as well, Sandi.

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I made my professional debut at Nottingham Playhouse.

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-Did you?

-I did.

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Anyway, the city centre was once known as Tiggua Cobaucc,

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which means "the place of caves".

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So from as early as the 11th century, people lived in caves in Nottingham.

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Under the Nottingham Inclosure Act of 1845,

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it is still illegal to rent out a cave to anybody in Nottingham.

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They were trying to stop unscrupulous landlords renting them out

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to the poor. I'd quite like to live in a cave, though.

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Don't you think it would be fine?

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Um, no.

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No? Oh.

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What's your reservation?

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Wi-Fi.

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If you had a good hub?

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That picture on the right, at the back, is that a downstairs toilet?

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It does look awfully like some kind of font, doesn't it?

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Or like a sundial, but...no light.

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The world's worst sundial.

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The classic underground sundial.

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"Where do we put the sundial?" "In the basement."

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Do you know what the original name for Nottingham is?

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-Is it Ingham?

-It's got Nottingham in it.

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No, but it's not just Ingham and then they changed it to "Not-Ingham"?

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-No.

-Nottinghampton.

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Nottingham is the shortened version of its original name.

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-Snottingham?

-Exactly right.

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-Come on!

-It was ruled by a Saxon chief named Snot.

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And it was literally "the homestead of Snot's people."

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It was Snottingham and then, I don't know why they dropped the S, because

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-I think it's perfectly charming.

-I think they should put it back.

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Now, your ancestors could make fire using things that they found.

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You have something on a tray and I will give you 20 points to anybody

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who can start a fire with the things you have got there.

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Can I use my lighter that I've got in my pocket?

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Just going to get out my fire blanket.

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Oh, now, look, can't you put that in the lemon, won't that work?

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-Supposedly doesn't.

-Can't you get a charge out of citrus fruit?

0:15:380:15:42

-You can.

-Am I about to?

0:15:420:15:44

Not enough to upset yourself, I don't think.

0:15:450:15:48

Meanwhile, I'm going to use this to look for a match.

0:15:510:15:54

Does it matter if we open that? Would that help?

0:15:570:15:59

You don't want to open it, but you can actually use a can of soda.

0:15:590:16:03

Is that what it is, just a can of fizzy pop?

0:16:030:16:05

It is a can of fizzy pop, yeah. What would you use two sticks for?

0:16:050:16:08

-You don't necessarily have to do it.

-Well, rubbing together, isn't it?

0:16:080:16:11

-Yeah.

-You're supposed to go like that.

0:16:110:16:13

You need to sharpen it into a point and then rub it the quickest way.

0:16:130:16:16

That's not going to work, is it?

0:16:160:16:18

-Be here all day doing this.

-Be freezing cold, with someone in the dark

0:16:190:16:22

going, "Where are the caves, for crying out loud?!"

0:16:220:16:25

-"Can't go in them." "Why?!"

-"I can't see this sundial without light.

0:16:250:16:29

Ow! Ow! Ow!

0:16:300:16:32

I'm going to show you a very quick way that you could make it...

0:16:320:16:35

Please don't try this.

0:16:350:16:37

Is there any reason why we don't get the safety stuff?

0:16:370:16:39

Because you're not actually going to be able to do it, that's why.

0:16:390:16:42

Oh!

0:16:420:16:44

So what you do is you take a nine-volt battery

0:16:440:16:47

and some steel wool,

0:16:470:16:48

-you place it on here like this...

-Oh, wow.

0:16:480:16:52

Whoa!

0:16:520:16:53

-And there you are.

-So cool.

0:16:540:16:56

That's all you have to do. And then you would add some kindling.

0:16:560:16:59

I have to get my fire blanket out.

0:16:590:17:01

There we go.

0:17:040:17:05

-I think you just got it there.

-Do you think it'll be all right?

0:17:050:17:07

APPLAUSE

0:17:070:17:09

-So you can do it with these?

-If you look at the base of your tin,

0:17:150:17:18

you can see that it is a concave shape.

0:17:180:17:21

If you polished that, you would be able to reflect enough sunlight

0:17:210:17:25

in order to be able to make fire.

0:17:250:17:27

And, in fact, we can demonstrate this in the studio,

0:17:270:17:29

but obviously we're going to need experts so we have with us

0:17:290:17:32

our friends from the Festival of the Spoken Nerd.

0:17:320:17:35

The science comedy phenomenon,

0:17:350:17:37

they tour all over the UK and have brought one of their experiments

0:17:370:17:39

from their show - please welcome, Matt, Steve and Helen, the nurse.

0:17:390:17:43

APPLAUSE

0:17:430:17:46

I was right, wasn't I, that the tin of pop is a kind of...?

0:17:500:17:52

Yes, it's almost the right shape to focus light in.

0:17:520:17:57

This is a natural paraboloid which is the perfect shape,

0:17:570:18:00

so we can use this to set fire to something.

0:18:000:18:02

Don't just point it at me.

0:18:020:18:04

Alan, your hair does look a bit like...

0:18:050:18:08

-You could go up in seconds!

-Put a nine-bulb battery on my head.

0:18:080:18:12

We've got a graphic here of the two dishes we've set up and if you cut

0:18:120:18:16

one in half, so we can swivel one around, and if you unpeel it, it's

0:18:160:18:20

just a parabola, and the amazing thing about a parabola

0:18:200:18:23

is that any line which comes directly down,

0:18:230:18:26

parallel with the axes, will go through exactly the same spot,

0:18:260:18:29

the focal point. And the same thing works in reverse so if something

0:18:290:18:32

emits from the focal point it'll be sent out as a parallel...

0:18:320:18:35

That's how the Death Star works, isn't it?

0:18:350:18:39

That's essentially the cleverest thing

0:18:390:18:40

that's ever been said near you, Lee, isn't it?

0:18:400:18:43

We're going to give this a go but, please, can you put your

0:18:440:18:47

-sunglasses on?

-Because these are going to protect us, aren't they?!

0:18:470:18:50

So about 200 years ago,

0:18:500:18:51

this was a party trick where they would put a super hot cannonball

0:18:510:18:55

at one focal point and gunpowder at the other.

0:18:550:18:57

We thought we wouldn't try that.

0:18:570:18:59

We asked, and apparently we're not allowed

0:18:590:19:01

because it's no longer the past.

0:19:010:19:03

But they have let us bring a heat lamp,

0:19:040:19:08

and nitrocellulose, so that's flash cotton.

0:19:080:19:10

This will be the past one day, you know.

0:19:100:19:13

Not on Dave.

0:19:130:19:15

APPLAUSE

0:19:150:19:17

-OK. Are we ready?

-Yeah.

0:19:200:19:22

-LEE:

-Don't worry, it's not right in my eye!

0:19:220:19:25

ALL: Oh!

0:19:290:19:32

APPLAUSE

0:19:320:19:33

Fantastic. Fantastic, guys, thank you so much.

0:19:350:19:39

Let's pop our trays away.

0:19:450:19:47

It's easier to start a fire now we've all got Tinder on our phones.

0:19:470:19:50

GROANING

0:19:500:19:52

We don't ALL have Tinder on our phones.

0:19:520:19:55

Yeah, some of us are Grindr people.

0:19:560:19:58

Right. What are the bare necessities of life today?

0:20:010:20:05

-So, you said that you needed... Wi-Fi.

-Wi-Fi.

0:20:050:20:09

You consider that to be a necessity?

0:20:090:20:11

Wi-Fi and...a good book.

0:20:110:20:15

ALL: Aww.

0:20:150:20:17

Were you just trying to look good there?

0:20:170:20:19

-Yeah.

-So, top five most essential things for British people.

0:20:190:20:22

Knowing when the bins go out.

0:20:220:20:24

Especially when there's been a bank holiday.

0:20:250:20:27

And somebody breaks ranks and puts their bins out

0:20:270:20:29

and everyone goes, "Oh, should I?

0:20:290:20:31

"It was a bank holiday, but what if they know something I don't know?"

0:20:310:20:34

Suddenly everyone's bins are out.

0:20:340:20:36

I like get up early and put the wrong coloured bin out,

0:20:360:20:38

and see if everyone copies.

0:20:380:20:40

And when they've all gone to work, swap it round again.

0:20:410:20:44

It is a weird sort of British obsession.

0:20:440:20:46

I remember when I first came to live in Britain, I was 14 years old,

0:20:460:20:49

and people talked about putting cream or jam on their scone first,

0:20:490:20:52

and I realised that they...cared.

0:20:520:20:54

-What an example of first world problems.

-I know!

0:20:570:21:00

You know when you get it, it's a "scoan", and when you've eaten it,

0:21:000:21:03

it "sconn".

0:21:030:21:04

LAUGHTER AND GROANS

0:21:040:21:07

You got the "ohhh".

0:21:110:21:14

John Jensen chuckling away -

0:21:140:21:15

"I wasn't sure about this programme at first, but..."

0:21:150:21:18

So you are right, Lolly - an internet connection is the very first thing

0:21:200:21:23

people decided was most important. What's next?

0:21:230:21:26

-Mobile phone.

-Mobile phone came in at 19.

0:21:260:21:30

-Mobile phone charger.

-Mobile phone charger?

0:21:300:21:33

I think you'll find a plug socket becomes increasingly important.

0:21:340:21:38

By that theory, we've got to say computer, if Wi-Fi's important.

0:21:380:21:41

-TV, actually, is the second one.

-What are they using the Wi-Fi for?

0:21:410:21:44

It's just nice to know that you've got Wi-Fi,

0:21:440:21:45

in case you do need it.

0:21:450:21:48

Also, the people who answered this question would have been weird.

0:21:480:21:51

So is food and water and shelter not on the list?

0:21:510:21:54

Not at all. It goes internet connection, TV,

0:21:540:21:58

a cuddle is third... ALL: Aww!

0:21:580:22:00

-..a trustworthy best friend is number four...

-And a club.

0:22:000:22:04

Number five, the thing you'd want when you come back from a club,

0:22:060:22:09

a daily shower was number five.

0:22:090:22:11

Daily?!

0:22:110:22:12

Shower?!

0:22:150:22:16

A cup of tea at number seven,

0:22:180:22:19

having somebody say "I love you" number eight.

0:22:190:22:21

-What, after a cup of tea?

-After a cup of tea.

0:22:210:22:24

I have to say, coffee, wine, chocolate and a night on the sofa

0:22:250:22:28

all beat owning a phone.

0:22:280:22:29

But how are you going to tell anyone you had such a nice time

0:22:290:22:32

if you don't have a phone?

0:22:320:22:34

What's the point of doing it if you're not going to show off?

0:22:340:22:37

Are you serious, Lolly,

0:22:370:22:38

that you can't have a good time without telling somebody?

0:22:380:22:41

Why would you do it otherwise, if you can't...?

0:22:410:22:44

So do you get this thing, separation anxiety,

0:22:460:22:48

if you're separated from your telephone?

0:22:480:22:50

Yeah. If I'm on, like, a tall bridge,

0:22:500:22:53

the person I'm with will be scared cos they might fall in to the water,

0:22:530:22:56

and I'll just be concerned I'm going to drop my phone in the water.

0:22:560:23:00

You see how things have changed?

0:23:000:23:02

Some years ago when I had my first mobile phone I was visiting an elderly friend

0:23:020:23:05

and the phone rang, and she said, "Who was that?" I said, "My agent."

0:23:050:23:08

And she said, "Oh! How did she know you were here?"

0:23:080:23:10

I did that thing with my phone the other day,

0:23:120:23:14

you know when you leave the house you look for your phone,

0:23:140:23:17

I was like, where have I put it? It's not in the kitchen,

0:23:170:23:20

checking in jackets, and literally ten minutes later,

0:23:200:23:23

I realised it was in my hand.

0:23:230:23:25

Have you done the thing where you can't find your phone

0:23:250:23:28

so you ring it, and then you realise

0:23:280:23:30

you're ringing it from the phone...?

0:23:300:23:32

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:23:320:23:33

And it doesn't help, because it's engaged.

0:23:370:23:40

There was a study done in California State University.

0:23:400:23:42

They got half the students who took part

0:23:420:23:44

to turn off their phone and put it away out of sight,

0:23:440:23:46

and the other half actually had their phones taken away

0:23:460:23:49

and measure the levels of anxiety every ten minutes.

0:23:490:23:52

People who used the phone very little,

0:23:520:23:54

there was hardly any increase,

0:23:540:23:55

but people who were heavy users of the telephone,

0:23:550:23:57

it went up every ten minutes for the whole hour

0:23:570:24:00

until they became unbelievably anxious.

0:24:000:24:03

And apparently some people call it FOMO - do you know about FOMO?

0:24:030:24:06

-Fear Of Missing Out.

-Fear Of Missing Out. And FOBO -

0:24:060:24:09

-do you know FOBO?

-Fear Of...

0:24:090:24:10

Bogging off.

0:24:100:24:13

Fear Of Being Offline.

0:24:130:24:15

But I don't know whether it's to do with the telephone

0:24:150:24:17

or people just aren't any good any more at just having nothing to do.

0:24:170:24:20

So they did this extraordinary study in 2014 -

0:24:200:24:23

a guy called Timothy Wilson at the University of Virginia -

0:24:230:24:26

and he put people in an empty room

0:24:260:24:29

and they didn't have anything at all in there

0:24:290:24:32

apart from a device that was attached to their ankle

0:24:320:24:35

with which they could decide

0:24:350:24:37

to give themselves an electric shock.

0:24:370:24:39

18 out of 42 of the people who did it -

0:24:420:24:44

I have to say more men than women -

0:24:440:24:46

chose to give themselves at least one... LAUGHTER

0:24:460:24:50

Is that because the women didn't know how to operate it?

0:24:500:24:52

ALL: Ooh!

0:24:520:24:55

Just asking.

0:24:550:24:57

You do know there's been a regime change, don't you?

0:24:570:24:59

And now a question about naked ambition.

0:25:020:25:04

Do you know what this man does faster than anyone in the world?

0:25:040:25:09

It's actually amazing.

0:25:090:25:11

-Hair growing?

-Oh, yeah, hair growing, because I want to see that.

0:25:110:25:15

What's the thing that we talk about, it's always impressive,

0:25:150:25:18

you go, wow, he's the fastest in the world at that?

0:25:180:25:20

-Running.

-Running, yes.

0:25:200:25:21

He's not faster than Usain Bolt, you're not going to say that?

0:25:210:25:24

In a way. He ran the mile faster than the current world flat record.

0:25:240:25:29

So downhill runner?

0:25:290:25:30

He's a downhill runner.

0:25:300:25:31

He's a British athlete, and when he was a 16-year-old schoolboy,

0:25:310:25:35

he ran the fastest mile ever.

0:25:350:25:38

In 1996, the Meltham Maniac Mile,

0:25:380:25:42

so it's one mile down a fantastically steep hill

0:25:420:25:46

just outside Huddersfield. The course drops 400 feet...

0:25:460:25:50

It has since been banned, this race.

0:25:500:25:53

For health and safety reasons.

0:25:530:25:55

But he completed it in three minutes and 24 seconds.

0:25:550:25:57

-Do you have to keep running?

-You can't stop.

0:25:570:26:00

-You can't roll?

-No, you can't roll.

0:26:000:26:01

This is the most British race, I think, of all time because it says

0:26:010:26:05

that the course started at the cattle grid by Tinker Lane.

0:26:050:26:08

Did they stop it after a terrible injury,

0:26:100:26:13

or just because something COULD happen there?

0:26:130:26:15

We can find out because Craig Wheeler,

0:26:150:26:17

fastest man over a mile, is in the audience.

0:26:170:26:20

APPLAUSE

0:26:200:26:22

Can you go to the top of the steps and run down?

0:26:270:26:29

-So, Craig, why did they stop it?

-No idea, obviously this day and age,

0:26:290:26:34

-health and safety in anything.

-And they ran it the other way as well,

0:26:340:26:37

in the opposite direction, didn't they? It was called the murder mile.

0:26:370:26:41

-That's the one.

-We've got a VT actually, Craig, of you,

0:26:410:26:43

I don't know if you can talk us through it, but was there

0:26:430:26:46

any moment when you were running that you actually thought you were

0:26:460:26:49

just going to do what Lolly suggested and roll down?

0:26:490:26:52

Most of the race I thought I was going to go flat on my face.

0:26:520:26:55

-LEE:

-Did we actually see him stop then or does he just carry on?

0:26:550:27:00

"I can't stop!"

0:27:000:27:02

20 seconds faster than the world record for the flat mile.

0:27:050:27:09

Was it Record Breakers that you were doing?

0:27:090:27:11

Yes. I went back the following year to try to break the record with

0:27:110:27:14

Record Breakers and I fell two seconds short.

0:27:140:27:17

Which is still the second fastest time ever.

0:27:170:27:21

So you're first and second?

0:27:230:27:24

-Yes.

-There's a proper champion.

0:27:240:27:26

That was Craig Wheeler, the fastest man ever.

0:27:260:27:29

Now, would you like to see a very small lady completely naked?

0:27:300:27:34

What's the difference between completely...

0:27:340:27:36

In that case, definitely yes.

0:27:370:27:39

What's the difference between completely naked and naked?

0:27:390:27:42

I think a chiffon scarf doesn't count as completely naked.

0:27:420:27:46

Or white socks. That turns me on.

0:27:460:27:47

Naked, pair of white socks, and very small.

0:27:470:27:50

-Is that the offer?

-Yeah. Do you want to have a look?

0:27:500:27:53

"Do you want to have a look"! This show's gone downhill

0:27:530:27:55

quicker than that bloke.

0:27:550:27:56

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:27:590:28:00

Have a look at this.

0:28:030:28:04

It's incredible. Look at that.

0:28:040:28:06

So this is a sculpture created by the South African artist

0:28:060:28:09

Jonty Hurwitz and this woman is roughly 100 microns tall.

0:28:090:28:15

So she is far too small to be seen with the naked eye and she is

0:28:150:28:18

in fact depicted standing in the eye of a needle.

0:28:180:28:22

-Oh, come on!

-How did he do it?

-It's science.

0:28:220:28:25

Can I just say, you just said the words "It's science" like there's

0:28:250:28:28

-no way I'm going to understand it.

-LAUGHTER

0:28:280:28:31

I was trying to lead you in gently, but you went.

0:28:310:28:34

She sort of did a surfer on an eyelash and is the culmination

0:28:340:28:37

of lots and lots of development of science,

0:28:370:28:38

because you need multi-photon lithography,

0:28:380:28:40

a kind of laser printing, you need photogrammetry,

0:28:400:28:42

taking measurements with photographs and they are called nano sculptures.

0:28:420:28:45

-Yeah, and of course, the first thing they do is do a naked woman.

-Yes.

0:28:450:28:50

But if you think about how small this is - so a nano means one billion,

0:28:500:28:53

so a nanometre is one billionth of a metre.

0:28:530:28:56

That is about the length that a fingernail grows in a second.

0:28:560:28:59

There's a lovely quote from Hurwitz.

0:28:590:29:01

He says, "The nano works that I present to you here represent more

0:29:010:29:04

"than just a feature of science.

0:29:040:29:05

"They represent the moment of history that we ourselves are able to

0:29:050:29:08

"create a full human form on the same scale as the sperm that

0:29:080:29:11

"creates us in order to facilitate the creation."

0:29:110:29:14

Well, I must say, as a blurb for a show ...

0:29:140:29:16

-Yeah.

-That is...

-LAUGHTER

0:29:160:29:18

-Too long.

-It's too long.

-Too long.

0:29:180:29:21

Be great if he tried to carve that under the statue, wouldn't it?

0:29:210:29:24

Hard enough doing the nipples, I can't do all that.

0:29:240:29:27

He's not modest, is he, he's really not.

0:29:270:29:29

What, that that I just did?

0:29:290:29:30

Yeah, it's just the dawn of a new humanity, nothing complicated.

0:29:300:29:34

Also, we've only got his word for it he did it.

0:29:340:29:36

-Are you saying it doesn't exist?

-Well, all you've got to do is stick

0:29:360:29:39

a picture of a naked woman on the bottom of a microscope.

0:29:390:29:41

-Right.

-Hugo, oh, look at that. Oh, that's a naked woman. Amazing.

0:29:410:29:45

I mean, you know what you're like when you've lost your phone,

0:29:450:29:47

imagine misplacing that as well.

0:29:470:29:49

On the day of the exhibition.

0:29:500:29:52

You've got the thing ready and somebody loses

0:29:520:29:54

a button just before the exhibition.

0:29:540:29:57

-"Anybody got a needle? Oh..."

-Oh, dear.

0:29:570:30:00

Yes.

0:30:000:30:02

Now, what's the best thing anyone's ever done in the nude?

0:30:020:30:05

Running downhill?

0:30:060:30:08

-That would hurt, wouldn't it?

-If you were a woman,

0:30:080:30:11

it could take your eye out.

0:30:110:30:13

If you're me it could take your eye out.

0:30:130:30:15

So one day you're able to sit as comfortably as you are, Lee.

0:30:180:30:21

Someone discovered something?

0:30:210:30:24

Was Alexander Fleming in the nude when he discovered penicillin?

0:30:240:30:27

It's something that's absolutely extraordinary,

0:30:270:30:29

it was mostly done in the nude. It is, if I'm frank with you,

0:30:290:30:32

it's for the purposes of this question.

0:30:320:30:33

They did it for the purposes of this question?

0:30:330:30:35

Well, the answer is for the purposes of this question.

0:30:350:30:37

It's World War II was won in the nude,

0:30:370:30:40

so who might have been in the nude winning World War II?

0:30:400:30:45

Adolf Hitler?

0:30:450:30:46

And on the other side?

0:30:460:30:48

-Coronation Street.

-On the less grumpy side?

0:30:480:30:52

Are you talking about our very own Winston?

0:30:520:30:54

-Winston Churchill, yes.

-I don't think Winston would be called less grumpy.

0:30:540:30:57

I thought Hitler was actually quite upbeat even though he was

0:30:570:31:01

-obviously a terrible guy.

-You can say what you like about him,

0:31:010:31:04

at least he was always starting the day with a smile on his lips.

0:31:040:31:08

He would wake people up and go, "Do you know what,

0:31:080:31:11

"this morning I was thinking, Poland's lovely."

0:31:110:31:14

He's got two tiny women, one on each finger.

0:31:180:31:20

"Talk, my pretties, talk."

0:31:220:31:25

It looks like he's just thrown a dart, actually.

0:31:250:31:27

Like he's got a dart board at the end of the bath.

0:31:270:31:29

That's like you're perfect... Having a dartboard at the end of your bath...

0:31:290:31:32

-That would be great, wouldn't it?

-Imagine how clean you would be.

0:31:320:31:35

-That would be fantastic.

-Then you would have one of those targets in

0:31:350:31:38

a rifle range where you wind it up and get them out again and then wind it back.

0:31:380:31:42

Is it a boy thing? Can you imagine having a dartboard at

0:31:420:31:45

-the end of your bath?

-Yeah, definitely.

0:31:450:31:47

-Love it.

-Just me, then.

0:31:470:31:49

You had something to do with dartboards.

0:31:490:31:52

Something that he invented whilst in the bath?

0:31:520:31:54

He loved to be naked.

0:31:540:31:56

In fact, he so often received people while he was in the bath that his

0:31:560:32:00

ministers and staff officers were nicknamed "companions of the bath".

0:32:000:32:03

Oh, that old chestnut.

0:32:030:32:05

That's when he got out.

0:32:060:32:08

Chief Usher at the White House, a man called JB West,

0:32:160:32:19

and he wrote about Churchill, "In his room,

0:32:190:32:21

"Mr Churchill wore no clothes at all most of the time during the day."

0:32:210:32:25

And there's a story that when Churchill was staying at the White House,

0:32:250:32:28

President Franklin Roosevelt called on him in his rooms,

0:32:280:32:31

and Churchill was nude, and Roosevelt said, "I'm sorry,"

0:32:310:32:33

and Churchill said, "The Prime Minister of Great Britain has

0:32:330:32:36

"nothing to conceal from the President of the United States"!

0:32:360:32:39

And the President later told his secretary that, "You know, Grace,

0:32:390:32:44

"he's pink and white all over."

0:32:440:32:47

What colour was he expecting, just out of interest?

0:32:470:32:49

I think he wasn't expecting to know any colour, is the truth of it.

0:32:490:32:53

Other famous nudists, Enid Blyton was a famous nudist.

0:32:530:32:56

-Oh.

-Apparently she liked to play naked tennis with her friends.

0:32:560:33:01

She didn't write that in any of the books.

0:33:010:33:03

No, she didn't. Benjamin Franklin regularly took

0:33:030:33:05

what he called "air baths".

0:33:050:33:07

DH Lawrence once said he found inspiration by climbing

0:33:070:33:09

naked in mulberry trees.

0:33:090:33:11

And that's the US president John Quincy Adams

0:33:110:33:14

who regularly skinny-dipped in the Potomac River.

0:33:140:33:18

And apparently, once a tramp stole his clothes and he had to ask

0:33:180:33:20

a passer-by to go to the White House and get him some more.

0:33:200:33:24

Every now and then, you see in the supermarket in the summer,

0:33:240:33:27

you see a man who's topless, don't you? Do you mind that?

0:33:270:33:29

It's one of those things where it's like,

0:33:290:33:31

you do your thing but for me, repulsive.

0:33:310:33:33

Just don't do it.

0:33:330:33:34

-RICHARD:

-The way to avoid that that is simply to go to Waitrose.

0:33:340:33:37

APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER

0:33:370:33:41

I've never understood that, it is... Actually, I'm the opposite,

0:33:440:33:47

I think it's completely fine to be absolutely naked in Lidl.

0:33:470:33:49

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:33:490:33:53

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

0:33:530:33:55

You pay an extra 5p for that, I'm not doing that.

0:33:580:34:01

But until 1938 in America,

0:34:010:34:03

it was illegal for a man to be topless in public,

0:34:030:34:05

and that included on the beach.

0:34:050:34:07

So, 1985, 42 topless men were arrested on

0:34:070:34:11

a beach in Atlantic City and the people responsible for the

0:34:110:34:14

arrests declared, "We'll have no gorillas on our beaches."

0:34:140:34:17

And they used to monitor women's bathing suits as well, so in the 1920s,

0:34:180:34:22

there were special deputy sheriffs sworn in on some beaches in New York.

0:34:220:34:25

They were all women, they were called sheriffettes,

0:34:250:34:28

and their job was to measure the distance between the bottom of

0:34:280:34:31

a woman's swimsuit and her knees.

0:34:310:34:33

And, actually, when I was at boarding school,

0:34:330:34:35

at the beginning of every year, you had to put your skirt on,

0:34:350:34:38

and then you had to kneel in front of Matron,

0:34:380:34:40

and the top of your hem had to touch the floor, and if it didn't,

0:34:400:34:44

you had to go and get a new skirt.

0:34:440:34:45

Or a bigger pen.

0:34:450:34:47

-Bigger pen?

-Just get a bigger pen, and then you can have a shorter skirt.

0:34:480:34:52

Bigger pen, you see, so it reached the...

0:34:520:34:54

It was "hem", it was "hem", Lee.

0:34:540:34:56

-There's the problem.

-Oh, I thought you said pen!

-Hem.

-I wondered why

0:34:560:34:59

everyone was looking at me, going, "What are you talking about?"

0:34:590:35:02

I love that Lee has such confidence if he's thinking,

0:35:020:35:05

there is no way that joke didn't work.

0:35:050:35:07

Yeah, must be a technical error on that,

0:35:070:35:09

because this is gold, this stuff!

0:35:090:35:12

Oh, a hem!

0:35:120:35:14

Yeah.

0:35:140:35:16

Now, while we are in that area,

0:35:160:35:18

what can't you do to a naked Osman in Kyrgyzstan?

0:35:180:35:20

I genuinely turned round, then,

0:35:240:35:26

because I thought Alan's head was blocking something else...

0:35:260:35:30

I thought you were going to say, "I remember that horse", then!

0:35:300:35:33

Two wonderful weeks with her!

0:35:350:35:38

She looks exhausted.

0:35:380:35:40

I will just say, if you're going to pull out, it was cold.

0:35:400:35:42

It was colder than it looks, I'll tell you that.

0:35:420:35:45

-Did you say in what country?

-In Kyrgyzstan.

0:35:450:35:48

Osman is a name across all the "-stan"s.

0:35:480:35:50

-Where does it come from, Osman?

-Well, the Ottoman Empire, really.

0:35:500:35:53

-So it comes from Turkey.

-Right.

0:35:530:35:55

But the whole of the Middle East is full of Osmans.

0:35:550:35:57

If I ever grow abroad and they see my credit card,

0:35:570:36:00

they laugh their heads off that I'm an Osman.

0:36:000:36:02

The fact that a very tall, very white guy is called Osman...

0:36:020:36:05

-Is called Osman.

-They think is the funniest thing.

0:36:050:36:07

OK, so it's not a person, I can tell you, a naked Osman.

0:36:070:36:10

-Kill it, eat it.

-You can't eat it any more, but you used to be able to.

0:36:100:36:14

-It's in the water.

-Catch it.

0:36:140:36:17

It's a trout-like fish.

0:36:170:36:18

It used to be the most populous fish in Lake Issyk-Kul in north-east

0:36:180:36:22

-Kyrgyzstan.

-And it's called an osman?

0:36:220:36:24

-It's called a naked osman.

-Oh, a naked osman.

-Why is it called the naked osman?

0:36:240:36:28

Something to do with the way it looks.

0:36:280:36:30

Whoa, whoa, come on!

0:36:300:36:32

But it's been overfished, so by 1986 was almost wiped out.

0:36:330:36:36

There has been a total ban, you'll be very pleased to know,

0:36:360:36:39

you can no longer catch a naked osman in Kyrgyzstan.

0:36:390:36:42

That is terrific news, although if you do want to catch a naked osman... No, forget it...

0:36:420:36:46

It's a fantastic lake, Lake Issyk-Kul,

0:36:460:36:49

it's the second largest mountain lake in the world,

0:36:490:36:51

obviously after Titicaca.

0:36:510:36:53

And what is extraordinary about it is that it is endorheic,

0:36:530:36:56

and that means it has got no outlets other than evaporation,

0:36:560:36:58

so it's much deeper now than it was in medieval times.

0:36:580:37:00

It used to be a fantastically popular stopping route on the Silk Road,

0:37:000:37:04

and there is, as far as we know,

0:37:040:37:06

a 2,500-year-old city at the bottom of the lake.

0:37:060:37:10

-Oh, wow.

-Cool.

-So they've found all sorts of archaeological finds

0:37:100:37:13

round there. All of which brings us to the place that isn't wearing a

0:37:130:37:16

stitch of general knowledge, it's General Ignorance,

0:37:160:37:18

so fingers on buzzers, please.

0:37:180:37:20

First of all, how many shades of grey are there?

0:37:200:37:23

MUSIC: The Stripper

0:37:260:37:28

One.

0:37:280:37:29

Is not right.

0:37:310:37:33

Is it 49.9?

0:37:340:37:36

-Unlimited?

-No, well...

0:37:400:37:43

Limited.

0:37:440:37:46

For a very weird moment, I felt like Gypsy Rose Lee.

0:37:520:37:55

Compelled to take my clothes off.

0:37:550:37:58

The Pantone colour chart lists 104 shades of grey.

0:37:580:38:02

There are 71 of white, and there are 110 of naked or nude, ie,

0:38:020:38:07

skin-coloured, but that one is really weird,

0:38:070:38:10

because you can buy nude tights, you can buy naked shoes,

0:38:100:38:13

naked sticking plasters, but they all presume that somebody's white.

0:38:130:38:16

-All of those colours.

-I used to get that when I used to go in,

0:38:160:38:18

and I'd ask for like a nude lip gloss,

0:38:180:38:20

and they'd give me a chalk white lip gloss!

0:38:200:38:25

There are 104 shades of grey, which is quite frankly plenty.

0:38:250:38:29

When you are fishing, which fish should you throw back into the water?

0:38:290:38:33

Yes, Lee?

0:38:340:38:36

The ones that are slightly undersized?

0:38:360:38:39

KLAXON

0:38:390:38:40

Oh, no, I didn't say that. There's a big difference between small and an slightly undersized.

0:38:420:38:46

I have to use that line all the time.

0:38:460:38:48

It would be awful, wouldn't it, in the bedroom if you said,

0:38:500:38:52

that is not small, that slightly undersized, and that sound came in!

0:38:520:38:55

What it is, is that we now think the reverse of what we used to think.

0:38:570:39:00

We used to throw back the small ones, to give them a chance to grow.

0:39:000:39:03

In fact, the population of larger older fish is much more stable.

0:39:030:39:06

If there is a lack of food, for instance,

0:39:060:39:08

then a few big fish will eat less and they will survive.

0:39:080:39:11

And the older fish are also going to provide stability to the population

0:39:110:39:14

because they are going to provide more and better quality offspring.

0:39:140:39:16

So it is actually the reverse of what we used to think.

0:39:160:39:18

I cannot believe fishing just got more boring.

0:39:180:39:21

So, anyway...

0:39:230:39:24

Now, name an extinct animal with teeth like sabres.

0:39:240:39:27

MUSIC: The Stripper

0:39:270:39:30

Is it the sword-toothed cat?

0:39:300:39:32

Is it the rapier-toothed panther?

0:39:360:39:39

-Any more for any more?

-Is it the sabre-toothed tiger?

0:39:390:39:42

KLAXON

0:39:420:39:46

It isn't that, why isn't it that?

0:39:460:39:48

Because they didn't actually have teeth like sabres?

0:39:480:39:51

Because no such animal ever existed.

0:39:510:39:53

-That's what I said.

-That's exactly right.

0:39:530:39:55

No wonder it's extinct.

0:39:550:39:57

There's never been a sabre-tooth tiger or a lion.

0:39:570:40:00

-Never been a lion?

-Sabre-toothed lion.

0:40:000:40:03

Oh, I see, I thought you said there'd never been a lion, full stop.

0:40:030:40:06

I thought, have I just been falling for this?

0:40:060:40:08

It's a man in a costume at the zoo?

0:40:080:40:10

Yeah, it's a lion with the hem of his skirt, no...

0:40:100:40:12

Pen, what's he doing with a pen?

0:40:120:40:15

There's never been a sabre-toothed tiger or a lion.

0:40:160:40:19

Sabre-toothed cats are not closely related to either tigers or lions,

0:40:190:40:23

in fact, they weren't even cats, strictly speaking.

0:40:230:40:25

They were kind of stocky and bear-like.

0:40:250:40:27

-It looks like a sloth.

-It does look in the sloth area, doesn't it?

0:40:270:40:30

And they ranged in size from the large pet cat to one the size of the

0:40:300:40:34

horse that you took on your holidays.

0:40:340:40:37

When you say "took"...

0:40:370:40:39

-To a thing.

-Yeah.

0:40:400:40:43

There was a sabre-toothed trout,

0:40:430:40:45

that there was, six and a half feet long.

0:40:450:40:48

-Wow.

-Shut the front door.

0:40:480:40:50

Yes. But there's no such thing as a sabre-toothed tiger and there never

0:40:500:40:54

has been. What is this noise?

0:40:540:40:57

GROWLING

0:40:570:40:59

-Yes.

-Is it Winston Churchill taking a meeting?

0:41:040:41:07

That's his bath when they heard about the invasion of Poland!

0:41:090:41:13

"Me, nervous? No, I'm not nervous."

0:41:130:41:17

It is the noise of the small intestine

0:41:170:41:20

cleaning itself in preparation for food.

0:41:200:41:23

The noise is called bor-boring... borro-borrow...bub...

0:41:230:41:27

The noise is called borborygmus, borborygmus.

0:41:270:41:30

-What's it called?

-It's your tummy rumbling.

0:41:300:41:33

And it's one of the few physiological processes that we can

0:41:330:41:35

hear with the naked ear.

0:41:350:41:37

Is that the one where, when you're with your wife,

0:41:370:41:39

and you don't know who's done the noise?

0:41:390:41:41

-Yeah.

-That's true, isn't it?

0:41:410:41:43

If you're close to somebody and someone's tummy rumbles,

0:41:430:41:45

-it's impossible to work out whose.

-Yeah.

0:41:450:41:47

-You would think if it was inside you, you'd be able to work it out, right, Lee?

-Yeah.

0:41:470:41:50

But you want to say that next time, "I believe that was you,

0:41:500:41:53

"that borborygmus."

0:41:530:41:55

I mean, you can't read it, so I'm not going to be able to say it, am I?

0:41:550:41:58

Finally, I'll give you 100 points if you can pat your head while

0:41:580:42:01

rubbing your stomach. Anybody?

0:42:010:42:04

-Pat your head...

-And rub your stomach.

0:42:040:42:05

And rub your stomach.

0:42:050:42:07

KLAXON

0:42:070:42:09

Not there, not there.

0:42:090:42:11

-I didn't do it, Sandi.

-You didn't do it, give it a go.

0:42:110:42:13

Look at you, teacher's pet, "I didn't do it, can I have the points?"

0:42:130:42:16

Only cos you couldn't reach, it's quite high up, isn't it?

0:42:160:42:18

No, listen, currently I'm one point up on everybody.

0:42:180:42:21

-Have you worked it out?

-No, but if I don't do anything at all,

0:42:210:42:25

I make up a point on everybody, because you all did it wrong.

0:42:250:42:27

Why did they do it wrong, Richard?

0:42:270:42:29

Because the stomach was in the wrong place.

0:42:290:42:31

-And where is it?

-I don't know.

0:42:310:42:33

-It's much higher up than most people realise.

-Here.

0:42:350:42:38

No.

0:42:380:42:40

It's just under your pecs, really.

0:42:400:42:43

So it's not down here, it's up here.

0:42:430:42:45

And did you know, this is the most extraordinary thing,

0:42:450:42:47

the stomach lining blushes when you blush.

0:42:470:42:49

I don't think I can blush.

0:42:490:42:51

That will be all that naked foundation you're wearing!

0:42:540:42:57

I tell you what, it's a challenge for us though, isn't it, if you can't?

0:42:570:43:01

I bet Lee could make you blush.

0:43:010:43:04

I like a challenge.

0:43:040:43:06

So, to the scores, well, Richard was exactly right,

0:43:060:43:09

with a magnificent one point, this week's winner, in first place,

0:43:090:43:12

it's Richard!

0:43:120:43:14

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you. Thank you.

0:43:140:43:16

Second place, with a fantastic debut of -8, Lolly!

0:43:160:43:21

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:43:210:43:23

In third place with -20, it's Lee!

0:43:240:43:28

Thank you. I'm happy with that.

0:43:280:43:32

And with -35, it's Alan!

0:43:320:43:38

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:43:380:43:40

My thanks to Lolly, Lee, Richard and Alan,

0:43:460:43:48

and I leave you with this Neolithic newspaper nugget from The Sun,

0:43:480:43:52

"This woman walked very close to me and it was obvious that underneath

0:43:520:43:56

"her clothing she wore little or nothing."

0:43:560:43:58

Goodnight!

0:43:580:44:00