Landmarks QI


Landmarks

Similar Content

Browse content similar to Landmarks. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

APPLAUSE

0:00:230:00:26

Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening

0:00:310:00:34

and welcome to QI, the show that knows that it knows nothing.

0:00:340:00:38

Tonight is a litter of landmarks, learning and larceny.

0:00:380:00:41

And joining me are, the larksome David Mitchell.

0:00:410:00:44

APPLAUSE

0:00:440:00:46

The laudable Colin Lane.

0:00:480:00:50

APPLAUSE

0:00:500:00:52

The ladylike Jo Brand.

0:00:540:00:56

APPLAUSE

0:00:560:00:59

And the live-in, Alan Davies.

0:00:590:01:02

APPLAUSE

0:01:020:01:06

So let's hear their buzzers. David goes...

0:01:060:01:09

GALLOPING AND GUNFIRE

0:01:090:01:13

Oh. And Colin goes....

0:01:140:01:16

WHISTLING

0:01:160:01:18

CRASH

0:01:180:01:20

Oh, very larky. And Jo goes...

0:01:200:01:22

BOING, BOING, BOING

0:01:220:01:24

SPLASHING

0:01:240:01:26

And Alan goes...

0:01:260:01:28

SAWING

0:01:280:01:30

SAWING CONTINUES

0:01:380:01:40

SAWING STOPS

0:01:500:01:52

LAUGHTER

0:01:520:01:54

That's it, good.

0:01:570:01:58

Well, if you've enjoyed QI, do tune in again next week.

0:01:590:02:03

But don't forget that you have Spend A Penny cards.

0:02:040:02:07

There is almost certainly...

0:02:070:02:09

MUSIC PLAYS

0:02:090:02:11

TOILET FLUSHES

0:02:110:02:14

..going to be a question that is lavatorial.

0:02:140:02:16

And if you Spend A Penny when I ask the question, you get extra points.

0:02:160:02:20

What about if we actually want to go during the recording?

0:02:200:02:23

Well, you should find a little bottle and funnel underneath.

0:02:250:02:28

Anyway. Now, last question first.

0:02:280:02:30

Why don't you do some of the work for a change?

0:02:300:02:33

You can talk about one of two things.

0:02:330:02:35

What about the death of the last American Civil War pensioner,

0:02:350:02:37

or the last thing you'd like to see on the London Underground?

0:02:370:02:41

Choose.

0:02:410:02:43

Jo?

0:02:430:02:45

The last thing I'd like to see on the Underground is a dying

0:02:450:02:48

American Civil War.

0:02:480:02:50

Well, that would, that would put it all into one, wouldn't it?

0:02:500:02:53

Yes. Just trying to make it easy.

0:02:530:02:55

A dying American Civil War, or a dying American Civil War pensioner?

0:02:550:02:59

No, a dying American Civil War... pensioner.

0:02:590:03:02

Yeah, all right, fair enough.

0:03:020:03:04

If you can give me a date as to when you will be able to see

0:03:040:03:07

-the last pensioner from the American Civil War.

-Well, it was in the 1860s.

0:03:070:03:10

-Well, it finished in 1865, didn't it, the American Civil War?

-Correct.

0:03:100:03:13

-I'll give you a point for knowing the date of the end of the Civil War.

-Do I?

0:03:130:03:16

-Yeah.

-So, more than 100.

0:03:160:03:18

And a lady as well! Ooh.

0:03:190:03:22

More than 100 years after that is unlikely, so I'm going 1962.

0:03:220:03:27

Well, that's not correct.

0:03:270:03:29

That's very... Because that was... He'd have to have been

0:03:290:03:33

a toddler during the American Civil War, and...

0:03:330:03:36

He might be 115, I'm thinking.

0:03:360:03:38

Well, we're talking about pensioners, not veterans.

0:03:380:03:40

The last veteran to die, amazingly, died in 1956, aged 109.

0:03:400:03:46

-There he is, Woolson his name was.

-And there's the toddler.

0:03:460:03:51

And there is a great-great-great-grandchild,

0:03:510:03:53

I'd imagine. A lot of them did live well into the 20th century,

0:03:530:03:56

because they were teenagers during the war.

0:03:560:03:58

So he was the last veteran to die.

0:03:580:04:00

But pensioners could have received a pension from the United States Government,

0:04:000:04:04

because of their fathers they would still get a pension.

0:04:040:04:08

So it might still be ongoing then.

0:04:080:04:09

Well, that's the answer. Still alive.

0:04:090:04:13

And here tonight!

0:04:130:04:15

If only we could say that.

0:04:150:04:16

Yee-ha!

0:04:160:04:19

It's only 876 a year, but it's still a pension.

0:04:200:04:24

And the last widow of a Civil War soldier died in 2008.

0:04:240:04:28

-Wow.

-The last widow of a soldier.

0:04:280:04:31

-Yeah. In 1934, Maudie Hopkins...

-Shut the front door.

0:04:310:04:34

..married an 86-year-old veteran, called William Cantrell,

0:04:340:04:38

who had fought as a teenager.

0:04:380:04:39

How old was Maudie Hopkins?

0:04:390:04:42

Well, she was pretty old when she died, but um...

0:04:420:04:44

-No, when she got married.

-Oh, she was young. Very young.

0:04:440:04:47

-Really?

-Yeah.

-She was a toddler.

0:04:470:04:50

Alberta Martin, who died in 2004, she married aged 21, in 1927,

0:04:530:04:58

an 81-year-old Confederate veteran, who died in 1931.

0:04:580:05:02

She then married his grandson.

0:05:020:05:04

That's rather peculiar, isn't it, to marry the grandson of your husband?

0:05:040:05:07

How would you feel if you were the son, though?

0:05:070:05:10

Yeah, you'd feel cut out, exactly.

0:05:100:05:12

-She skipped a generation.

-I know.

0:05:120:05:14

-She was 21 and she married...

-Yes, step-grandson.

-I see.

0:05:140:05:18

It would be odd if she married her own grandson.

0:05:180:05:20

Right. OK.

0:05:200:05:23

So pretty surprising that these things can be that close.

0:05:230:05:27

On a TV show once in England, I sat two spots away from Alan Davies.

0:05:270:05:31

-God!

-Yeah.

0:05:310:05:33

-That's a connection that you're going to boast about in years to come, isn't it?

-Yeah.

0:05:330:05:36

It's pretty incredible.

0:05:360:05:38

And he played with his pen for the whole programme.

0:05:380:05:41

-I can't get it off.

-Oh, dear. Yeah.

0:05:470:05:49

So, that's the Civil War answer, the last pensioner who's still alive.

0:05:490:05:52

What about, now the London Underground?

0:05:520:05:55

There was something, which is pretty grisly, that I imagine

0:05:550:05:58

if you're a decent person wouldn't want to see,

0:05:580:06:00

but which was seen by people who travelled on the Underground.

0:06:000:06:03

It was the last of its kind to happen in Great Britain.

0:06:030:06:05

And it's quite odd to imagine something relatively

0:06:050:06:09

modern like an Underground system overlapping with this.

0:06:090:06:12

-Somebody not looking at their phone.

-No, no.

0:06:120:06:16

2,000 people turned up to watch this event and many of them went by Tube.

0:06:160:06:20

-Oh, a public execution.

-Was it a hanging?

0:06:200:06:22

It was a public execution, the last ever public execution in Britain.

0:06:220:06:25

-Well, let's say, you know, the most recent.

-Yes.

0:06:250:06:29

-We live in dark times.

-We do. They may well return.

-Yeah.

0:06:290:06:33

Well, this one was in Newgate, which is now the Old Bailey, essentially.

0:06:330:06:37

The Old Bailey is built on the ruins

0:06:370:06:39

and the old cellars of Newgate are still there.

0:06:390:06:42

And the walk that the dead man used to have to take,

0:06:420:06:44

through archways of diminishing size.

0:06:440:06:46

And there would be baying and crying outside,

0:06:460:06:49

and then he'd go across and there'd be a little patch of blue sky,

0:06:490:06:52

and then he'd ascend the steps and then the rope would be straight around him.

0:06:520:06:56

And he was a Fenian, an Irish nationalist.

0:06:560:06:59

He was called Michael Barrett.

0:06:590:07:01

Many people believed he was actually innocent.

0:07:010:07:03

A bomb was placed outside Clerkenwell Prison

0:07:030:07:05

in order to blow a hole in it to free a Fenian prisoner.

0:07:050:07:08

So it was probably a Fenian who did it and presumably a gang.

0:07:080:07:12

He was the only one arrested and hanged,

0:07:120:07:14

but on very slender evidence.

0:07:140:07:16

But I think the fact of the matter is, you know,

0:07:160:07:19

if hanging came back again, you'd get thousands of people going to watch it.

0:07:190:07:23

It would be like a football match, wouldn't it?

0:07:230:07:25

-Of course. If it was open to the public.

-It would go viral.

0:07:250:07:28

I don't think it's going to be that long before they have hanging on Big Brother.

0:07:280:07:32

Well there you are,

0:07:320:07:34

the death of the last American Civil War pensioner is unusual

0:07:340:07:37

because it hasn't yet happened, at least at time of going to press.

0:07:370:07:40

And the last thing you'd probably want to go

0:07:400:07:42

and see on the London Underground was the last public hanging.

0:07:420:07:45

Now we move on to L for larceny.

0:07:450:07:46

Would you rather get an e-mail from a Spanish prisoner

0:07:460:07:49

or a Nigerian Prince?

0:07:490:07:51

Well...

0:07:540:07:55

CRASHING

0:07:550:07:58

-A Nigerian Prince.

-Why is that, please, pray?

0:07:580:08:02

-What?

-Why is that, please?

0:08:020:08:03

-I have no reason. I...

-Oh, I see.

0:08:050:08:08

-I'm using the 50/50 rule.

-Oh, fair enough.

-Yes, yes.

0:08:080:08:10

I mean, they're both pretty bad options, to be honest.

0:08:100:08:13

Yes, can you trust a Nigerian Prince?

0:08:130:08:15

Have you never had one of those e-mails?

0:08:150:08:17

No, no, actually I don't. No.

0:08:170:08:19

Of course Australian internet connection is so slow you probably don't even get e-mails.

0:08:190:08:23

You certainly can't...

0:08:230:08:25

You certainly can't download movies or anything.

0:08:250:08:27

No, look, I mean I love the country. It's not your fault.

0:08:270:08:31

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:08:310:08:33

-Listen, Colin...

-He's only going over there

0:08:390:08:41

because that's the only place he can get Wi-Fi.

0:08:410:08:44

It's not your fault.

0:08:440:08:46

I love the country, but I do love so much to hang shit on it...

0:08:460:08:50

as much as I possibly can.

0:08:500:08:52

BUZZER

0:08:520:08:53

Yeah?

0:08:530:08:55

I had a letter from a Nigerian person and it said,

0:08:550:08:59

-ring this number and the number was in Spain, so what about that?

-Ah.

0:08:590:09:03

And it went to a house where I no longer lived,

0:09:030:09:07

addressed to the person who owned it before I owned it.

0:09:070:09:10

That's pretty weird.

0:09:100:09:12

Saying, you have won four million euros, or something like this.

0:09:120:09:14

Ring this number.

0:09:140:09:16

-So I rang the number and I said...

-Why did you ring the number?

0:09:160:09:19

Because, you know, what if it was true?

0:09:200:09:22

LAUGHTER

0:09:220:09:24

I said, "I just wanted you to know

0:09:250:09:28

"that the person you've sent this to doesn't live here any more.

0:09:280:09:31

-"I don't know where he lives."

-And how did they respond?

0:09:310:09:34

They said, "According to the terms of the win,

0:09:340:09:36

"the winnings can be passed on to the next owner of the house."

0:09:360:09:41

So I said, "Oh, well, that would be me."

0:09:430:09:45

-I said, "This is, this is beginning to sound like a scam."

-Did you?

0:09:450:09:50

And then he said, in a really thick Nigerian accent,

0:09:500:09:53

in feigned indignation, how dare I suggest such a thing.

0:09:530:09:59

And I said, "Well, then send me four million euros forthwith."

0:09:590:10:02

And he said, "Well I'll need your bank account details."

0:10:020:10:05

-"I don't think so, sonny Jim," and that was the end of that.

-Yeah.

0:10:050:10:08

Though some people do actually string them along,

0:10:080:10:11

they're called 419 baiters.

0:10:110:10:12

You bait them by pretending that you're really interested

0:10:120:10:15

and you waste their time.

0:10:150:10:17

And it's called 419, does anyone know the reason why 419

0:10:170:10:19

is attached to it?

0:10:190:10:20

CRASHING

0:10:200:10:22

No.

0:10:220:10:24

It's because under the penal code of Nigeria,

0:10:260:10:28

419 covers that type of fraud.

0:10:280:10:30

The penal code of Nigeria!

0:10:300:10:32

All right, OK.

0:10:320:10:34

Now, now, now.

0:10:340:10:35

You see what I love about those scams is the enormous sums of money, you know,

0:10:360:10:41

they don't just put like six grand,

0:10:410:10:43

-which most people, let's be honest, might be quite pleased with.

-Yes.

0:10:430:10:47

-But they put sort of 500,000 billion.

-Yes.

0:10:470:10:52

And so the thing is, like you know, that really cuts,

0:10:520:10:55

-I'm just giving them some advice here...

-Yes.

0:10:550:10:57

That completely cuts down the number of people who will believe

0:10:570:11:00

-something like that.

-Yeah.

0:11:000:11:02

Well, unfortunately, they, like all con artists, prey on the most

0:11:020:11:06

weak and the most vulnerable, and of course, I suppose, the most greedy.

0:11:060:11:10

There's an old rule in conning, in grifting,

0:11:100:11:13

is that you can never con someone who isn't greedy.

0:11:130:11:16

You know, all the great cons require people to want money.

0:11:160:11:19

Can I just point out, I was not conned.

0:11:190:11:20

-No, you weren't conned.

-I was just curious to see who this person was.

0:11:200:11:24

-I wasn't referring to you.

-I thought I might get some material out of it.

0:11:240:11:27

-Yeah. But...

-But the only way I could make it funny was by doing

0:11:270:11:30

an appalling Nigerian accent, which is apparently racist.

0:11:300:11:33

-ADOPTS ACCENT:

-And that would be inappropriate.

0:11:330:11:36

This you must not do. That wasn't it, for example.

0:11:360:11:39

-Yeah. And I can't do that.

-No.

0:11:390:11:40

One of the things Nigerians do, which is very pleasing,

0:11:400:11:43

is they put the stress in very odd places on English words.

0:11:430:11:47

So "I am not in that cat-EG-ory,"

0:11:470:11:48

they will say, and things like that, which I find very endearing,

0:11:480:11:51

and I hope that's not patronising, it's not meant to be.

0:11:510:11:54

-Er, but they...

-It is.

0:11:540:11:55

-They use, deliberately...

-Australia, Nigeria...

0:11:550:11:59

I'm patronising to everyone in equal measure, I assure you, Colin.

0:12:010:12:04

Excellent, excellent. That makes me feel so much better.

0:12:040:12:08

-ADOPTS ACCENT:

-What we just sent is, is a scam.

-So... Nice one.

0:12:080:12:11

Things like that.

0:12:110:12:13

They deliberately use spelling mistakes and bad grammar.

0:12:130:12:16

Why would they do that?

0:12:160:12:17

To attract Australians.

0:12:170:12:19

You are basically right.

0:12:190:12:21

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:12:210:12:23

You got it.

0:12:230:12:25

Ah now then!

0:12:290:12:31

That's my one!

0:12:310:12:34

No, you can't touch it.

0:12:340:12:35

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

0:12:350:12:37

-See.

-We already know what Australians are like at losing,

0:12:370:12:40

we've known three times out of four.

0:12:400:12:42

APPLAUSE

0:12:420:12:45

-Colin's possessions.

-Yeah.

0:12:480:12:49

What's the most recent result, though?

0:12:490:12:51

-The most recent... Three out of four we'll take.

-Yes. Yes.

0:12:510:12:54

But the reason, sadly, that they tend to use deliberately bad grammar

0:12:540:12:57

and spelling is to get rid of people who will spot it

0:12:570:13:00

and think it's not real,

0:13:000:13:02

it's obviously not from a lawyer.

0:13:020:13:04

But people who are more vulnerable,

0:13:040:13:06

less educated are more likely to fall for it.

0:13:060:13:08

So it is all the crueller and meaner for that reason.

0:13:080:13:11

Like that word "refund" there, for example.

0:13:110:13:13

It's really, really cruel, like all cons of that nature.

0:13:130:13:17

-"Refvund..."

-Yeah, exactly.

0:13:170:13:18

Have you had the one where you get an e-mail

0:13:180:13:21

supposedly from a friend saying, "Oh, I'm stuck in Malta..."

0:13:210:13:24

-Yes, very much so.

-I always send money to those.

0:13:240:13:27

Actually I got one from a friend of mine

0:13:270:13:28

and he really was in trouble and I thought it was a scam and he died.

0:13:280:13:32

But, you know, you can't win 'em all.

0:13:350:13:37

-That's not true.

-That's not true, no.

-No.

0:13:380:13:41

Now, the first part of the question was about the Spanish prisoner,

0:13:410:13:44

-does that phrase mean anything to you? Does it ring a bell of any kind?

-No.

0:13:440:13:47

The Spanish prisoner principle was really the same thing.

0:13:470:13:50

It was a letter going all the way back, you're going

0:13:500:13:52

hundreds and hundreds of years, from someone who claimed to be

0:13:520:13:55

imprisoned by the Spanish,

0:13:550:13:56

"Please send me money, I will pay you back

0:13:560:13:58

"a thousandfold and you can marry my beautiful daughter," and so on.

0:13:580:14:02

It was a very early con trick.

0:14:020:14:04

And in 1914, which was the year Nigeria was founded,

0:14:040:14:08

the British Ambassador to Spain wrote to the Nigerian

0:14:080:14:10

colonial officers warning them about the Spanish prisoner tricks,

0:14:100:14:13

saying, "It appears that perpetrators of this fraud

0:14:130:14:16

"are still endeavouring to victimise residents of the British colonies.

0:14:160:14:20

"The public in Nigeria should be warned to be upon their guard."

0:14:200:14:22

So it's possible that Nigerian criminals got this

0:14:220:14:25

from their British colonial officers, in fact.

0:14:250:14:27

It's a very ancient one.

0:14:270:14:29

Now, describe the aviation techniques of the Concrete Arrows.

0:14:290:14:34

Well, concrete can't really fly, Stephen, can it,

0:14:340:14:36

because it's very heavy.

0:14:360:14:38

Well, are you saying a jumbo jet isn't heavy?

0:14:380:14:41

Good point.

0:14:420:14:43

-But they didn't make...

-It needs a lot of thrust.

0:14:440:14:47

When you're in an aeroplane, you can hear that noise,

0:14:470:14:50

which is them filling it with helium.

0:14:500:14:52

-I'm assuming that's what the noise is and that's how it works.

-Yes, exactly.

-Yeah.

0:14:520:14:55

We're just waiting for the cabin to fill with helium

0:14:550:14:57

and then we will float gently up and then across the sea.

0:14:570:15:01

Imagine the conversations you'd have in the plane if it was filled with helium.

0:15:010:15:05

HIGH-PITCHED: "All right, yeah. "Can I have a cup of tea please?"

0:15:050:15:08

It does stuff to your ears, so that's what you are hearing.

0:15:080:15:11

-But it sounds normal.

-Oh, yes. Good point.

0:15:110:15:13

We look to you for all this information,

0:15:130:15:16

we're very grateful for it.

0:15:160:15:18

Well, of course, you are quite right in the sense

0:15:180:15:20

that there have never been any flying vehicles built of concrete.

0:15:200:15:23

But there have been concrete arrows that have a great deal to do with aviation.

0:15:230:15:27

And we go back to the early days of aviation, in a country that

0:15:270:15:30

was expanding perhaps more rapidly than any economy has ever expanded.

0:15:300:15:33

-And that was? The place...

-America. America.

0:15:330:15:35

The United States of America, yes.

0:15:350:15:37

And there's a large landmass and they had...

0:15:370:15:40

Arrows to show the way across it?

0:15:400:15:42

Well, yes, they had, but this was even faster.

0:15:420:15:45

-Is that how big the arrows were?

-No. No, those would be huge.

0:15:450:15:48

-But they were...

-They would be huge.

0:15:480:15:50

They were big enough.

0:15:500:15:51

And they had 70-foot long concrete arrows

0:15:510:15:54

every ten miles across the USA.

0:15:540:15:55

And there's one that still exists.

0:15:550:15:58

In 1933 they stopped the programme, because radio advances

0:15:580:16:00

and so on had meant they were unnecessary for navigation.

0:16:000:16:03

But before that they really needed to find a way that aeroplanes

0:16:030:16:06

didn't have to dive down into towns to look

0:16:060:16:09

-and see where they were, which before that...

-Ask for directions.

0:16:090:16:12

-Yeah, basically!

-Go down along the high street.

0:16:120:16:14

And what was common was that the towns that actually paint

0:16:140:16:18

the name of the town on a large roof.

0:16:180:16:20

Is that what those big, you see roofs with "TEAS" written on it.

0:16:200:16:23

-Yeah, well, maybe.

-Is that for pilots who fancy a scone?

0:16:230:16:26

-Yes, maybe, maybe.

-Teas but no airport nearby, sorry.

0:16:260:16:30

But there, yes, the arrows, straightforward.

0:16:310:16:34

Really simple and it worked.

0:16:340:16:36

Speaking of things visible from the air,

0:16:360:16:38

can you imagine something that the French made

0:16:380:16:40

visible from the air to try and win the First World War?

0:16:400:16:44

Or at least to try not to be utterly crushed by the First World War.

0:16:440:16:48

-Something for the German spotter planes to see?

-Yes.

0:16:480:16:52

The fake weaponry, something like that? Wooden tanks or something.

0:16:520:16:55

-Was it a great big baguette?

-It was a fake something.

0:16:550:16:59

-Fake Eiffel Tower?

-Well, and more.

0:16:590:17:02

-Fake guillotine, fake Paris.

-Fake Paris.

0:17:020:17:04

A fake Paris, Colin, well done. Finally. Finally!

0:17:040:17:08

Come on, Aussie, come on.

0:17:090:17:11

CHEERING

0:17:110:17:13

And now you've had the pleasure of a whole audience being

0:17:150:17:17

-patronising to you.

-Yes.

0:17:170:17:19

Come on, Aussie, come on. Yes, you're absolutely right.

0:17:200:17:23

The French were very worried, as bombing technology was

0:17:230:17:26

improving towards the end of the war,

0:17:260:17:28

that their beloved Paris was going to go up in smoke

0:17:280:17:31

and all the wonderful buildings.

0:17:310:17:32

So 15 miles to the north, on a stretch of the Seine,

0:17:320:17:36

they built lots of buildings, including a Gare du Nord and even

0:17:360:17:40

moving lights to suggest the railway tracks and other such things.

0:17:400:17:43

Unfortunately, it was never completed, because they only

0:17:430:17:46

had the idea in 1918 and by November of course the war was over.

0:17:460:17:49

-Was it to scale?

-From the air, yes. I think it was.

0:17:490:17:52

-Not like that London in Legoland.

-No, not like that.

0:17:520:17:55

Now, which military leader does this mighty Norfolk oak commemorate?

0:17:560:18:01

-SPLASHING

-Yes, Jo?

0:18:010:18:03

Nigel Farage?

0:18:030:18:05

ALARM SOUNDS

0:18:050:18:07

Well, well.

0:18:120:18:14

-It's not a very big oak.

-No, it isn't mighty, is it?

0:18:140:18:16

-So, it's...

-So it's not that old, in fact.

0:18:160:18:19

-Yeah, it could be...

-It's about 80 years old, not quite 80.

-Not quite 80.

0:18:190:18:22

-It was a sapling.

-Kitchener?

-It was a sapling 78 years ago.

0:18:220:18:26

-So, no, it would be too late for Kitchener.

-Not Mosley?

0:18:260:18:30

You're in the right ball park, but even more of a military leader.

0:18:300:18:34

Not Hitler?

0:18:340:18:35

Adolf, as you rightly say, Hit, as you pointed out, ler.

0:18:350:18:39

-Yes, he's...

-There's a commemorative oak tree in Norfolk?

0:18:390:18:42

The fact is, everybody who won a gold medal in the 1936 Olympics

0:18:420:18:47

in Berlin was presented with a sapling of an oak tree.

0:18:470:18:51

-And they're known as...

-Our oak trees, Stephen?

0:18:510:18:53

-Ah, well...

-You mean they've got oak trees in Germany?

0:18:530:18:56

Yes, I'm afraid the German for oak is eich, so Eichmann is oak-man.

0:18:560:19:00

-Is it really?

-Hmm, yes.

-I feel soiled.

0:19:000:19:02

Some of the oak trees are on the German side.

0:19:020:19:05

Yes, our word acorn and oak come from the eich.

0:19:050:19:07

-Stout proud English oak, why are we always going on about...?

-I know.

0:19:070:19:10

Anyway, the Hitler oaks, there are none left in Britain

0:19:100:19:12

except the one in Norfolk, which is surviving, as you see.

0:19:120:19:16

You would assume that it's not going to really last that long,

0:19:160:19:19

once people watch this.

0:19:190:19:21

-Well, no, they might go and hack it down.

-Yes.

0:19:210:19:23

A lot of Americans didn't keep theirs for that reason. Jessie Owens actually did keep his.

0:19:230:19:27

He won, how many gold medals at the...?

0:19:270:19:29

-Four.

-Four, quite right.

0:19:290:19:30

And one of his Hitler oaks survives in his old training school in Cleveland, Ohio.

0:19:300:19:34

He gave another to his mother.

0:19:340:19:36

-Some US athletes threw theirs away, as I say.

-What a lovely present.

0:19:360:19:39

It was handed out by the committee, rather than Hitler himself,

0:19:390:19:42

but they were, of course, associated so much with his regime.

0:19:420:19:45

I gave my mum a pair of Saddam Hussein's pants for her birthday.

0:19:450:19:48

Anyway, there you go.

0:19:500:19:51

Congratulations to all those who did win.

0:19:510:19:53

Let's see how good your history is.

0:19:530:19:55

Who can you see here? Let's have a look.

0:19:550:19:58

It was filmed in 1902.

0:19:580:20:00

Who is the august gentleman in the beard?

0:20:000:20:04

George V?

0:20:040:20:05

ALARM SOUNDS

0:20:050:20:07

No, isn't it, it looks... It's Edward VII.

0:20:080:20:11

It looks exactly like Edward VII. On the other hand, it isn't.

0:20:110:20:14

ALARM SOUNDS

0:20:140:20:16

-It's not Edward VII?!

-No.

-It looks...

0:20:180:20:21

-I know, it looks so like him.

-It's Father Christmas.

0:20:210:20:24

And it took place in 1902,

0:20:240:20:25

which was the year of Edward VII's coronation.

0:20:250:20:28

You could have played a Spend A Penny bonus, but I'll let you

0:20:280:20:33

get extra points if you can spot the lavatory attendant in this?

0:20:330:20:37

Is he going to the lavatory in the film?

0:20:390:20:41

It's the man sitting down in the throne.

0:20:420:20:44

The man you thought was Edward VII is in fact a lavatory attendant.

0:20:440:20:48

He doesn't look so much like Edward VII now.

0:20:480:20:50

-No, that's because he's in profile now.

-Ah, I see.

0:20:500:20:52

-He did look a bit like him full-on.

-It's not HD either, is it?

0:20:520:20:55

No, it's not HD. It's the early days of cinema and the early days of cinema were

0:20:550:20:59

dominated by one nation more than any other, really.

0:20:590:21:01

-And they were?

-France.

0:21:010:21:03

The French, yes, exactly.

0:21:030:21:04

And in 1902, a French film-maker called George Melies,

0:21:040:21:07

decided to film the coronation,

0:21:070:21:08

but he wasn't allowed in Westminster Abbey,

0:21:080:21:11

as soon as they heard how loud the film camera was when it was being cranked.

0:21:110:21:14

They said, "We will have none of that nonsense here."

0:21:140:21:16

So he decided to restage it, in France, and in a studio.

0:21:160:21:20

And he found this lavatory attendant,

0:21:200:21:22

who had a nice beard, who was the right size,

0:21:220:21:25

big adipose deposit, a tubby chap in other words.

0:21:250:21:29

And he, basically, went through all the, you know,

0:21:290:21:31

elements of the coronation as happened.

0:21:310:21:34

And so it was the first filmed simulacrum of a coronation,

0:21:340:21:37

but it wasn't the real thing.

0:21:370:21:39

In fact, Edward was ill for the real day,

0:21:390:21:41

so he was able then to go to England

0:21:410:21:42

and film the carriages arriving and cut that into the footage.

0:21:420:21:46

And so that was the only real part, the rest of it was made up.

0:21:460:21:48

-And it put...

-What was the catering like?

0:21:480:21:50

-Probably wonderful, if it was French, I should imagine.

-Yes.

-What else?

0:21:500:21:53

The film went more smoothly than the real thing.

0:21:530:21:55

In the actual ceremony the very elderly and almost blind

0:21:550:21:58

Archbishop of Canterbury put the crown on backwards.

0:21:580:22:01

-He then couldn't get up.

-He shouldn't put it on at all.

-No!

0:22:010:22:04

LAUGHTER

0:22:040:22:07

-He was larking about.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

0:22:080:22:10

He also had to kneel down to swear fealty to the King

0:22:100:22:13

and then he couldn't get up again. So the King had to help him up.

0:22:130:22:16

Well, that's what royalty should be,

0:22:160:22:18

a blind Archbishop of Canterbury and a great big fat king

0:22:180:22:21

who keeps getting terrible constipation and being unable to turn up at his own coronation.

0:22:210:22:26

Exactly. But the film, you'll be pleased to know, was a huge success.

0:22:260:22:29

It briefly made that lavatory attendant one of the most

0:22:290:22:32

famous film stars in the world.

0:22:320:22:34

In 1902 there weren't many to compare him with, but he was huge.

0:22:340:22:37

-He was one of the biggest film star of the world.

-Yeah, exactly.

0:22:370:22:41

And the King saw it when it came out, and he enjoyed it hugely, apparently.

0:22:410:22:44

According to a letter sent to us by Pauline Melies,

0:22:440:22:47

who is the great-great-granddaughter of the film maker.

0:22:470:22:50

Thank you, Pauline, for sending us that.

0:22:500:22:52

Do you think Edward thought it was real? He watched it and said, "I think I've lost weight."

0:22:520:22:56

Possibly. Possibly.

0:22:560:22:57

So, in the film, The Coronation Of Edward VII,

0:22:570:23:00

the man on the throne is a lavatory attendant.

0:23:000:23:02

Now it's time for a bit of General Ignorance, so fingers on buzzers please.

0:23:020:23:05

Where is the Duchy of Cornwall?

0:23:050:23:07

BUZZER

0:23:070:23:09

Yes?

0:23:090:23:10

Devon?

0:23:100:23:12

-You're right.

-Is it?

0:23:120:23:13

That's to say...

0:23:130:23:14

That is to say, more of it is in Devon than is in Cornwall.

0:23:210:23:23

-It's mainly in Waitrose now.

-Yes, you're quite right.

0:23:230:23:27

You know, in terms of value,

0:23:270:23:28

one packet of those biscuits would buy you a farmhouse.

0:23:280:23:32

Somebody from Australia, what's a duchy?

0:23:330:23:36

Is it something you'd pass to the left-hand side, or...?

0:23:360:23:39

A duchy is just another word for a dukedom.

0:23:390:23:42

One of the titles that was given to the Prince of Wales

0:23:420:23:44

when he was invested as Prince of Wales, in 1973,

0:23:440:23:47

was the Duke of Cornwall, which is typical.

0:23:470:23:49

There he was getting invested.

0:23:490:23:50

-That's the Cornish flag.

-And that's the Cornish flag.

0:23:500:23:53

And that's pretty much all that can be said on that subject, I think, but you got it right.

0:23:530:23:57

Now, what does a cowboy call his rope?

0:23:570:23:59

GALLOPING AND FIRING

0:23:590:24:01

A lasso.

0:24:010:24:02

-ALARM SOUNDS

-Oh, what a shame!

0:24:020:24:04

I don't think that's usual.

0:24:080:24:10

-Does he call it a rope?

-He does. You're on fire!

0:24:100:24:12

-Come on!

-Yeah.

0:24:120:24:13

Lassos and lariats and so on, if you used that word, it would be a

0:24:180:24:21

dead giveaway that you are, you know, like Billy Crystal,

0:24:210:24:23

a city slicker in the world of the Wild West.

0:24:230:24:25

They weren't invented in the Wild West, of course, obviously they'd been used before.

0:24:250:24:29

Ancient Egyptians used to them to capture antelopes and wild oxen.

0:24:290:24:33

However, they didn't use horses, the ancient Egyptians.

0:24:330:24:35

Oh, look at that, they're catching a hippo with one.

0:24:350:24:38

-That's very impressive.

-Hippos are nasty aren't they?

0:24:380:24:41

-Oh, gosh, yes.

-They kill lots of people, even though they're vegetarians.

0:24:410:24:45

Yeah, yeah. Usually by attacking boats and things like that.

0:24:450:24:48

But NASA is planning to use a lasso to capture what, would you imagine?

0:24:480:24:52

Stuff in space that's flying around dangerously, a bit like in Gravity?

0:24:520:24:55

Well, it's not dangerous stuff, it's an asteroid,

0:24:550:24:58

-it plans to lasso an asteroid, would you believe.

-Oh, God!

0:24:580:25:01

And drag it into orbit around the moon.

0:25:010:25:02

-Why are all their ideas so ridiculous?!

-I know.

0:25:020:25:05

They're going to choose a small one, it's only about seven metres across.

0:25:050:25:08

A specific type which would break up harmlessly in the Earth's atmosphere, in case it...

0:25:080:25:12

I think they should send Sandra Bullock to do it.

0:25:120:25:15

Which wonderful country is that there?

0:25:150:25:17

-Yes, look at it.

-Hi.

0:25:170:25:19

It's about to be obliterated.

0:25:210:25:23

Last question. Which company makes the most tyres in the world?

0:25:260:25:30

Goodyear.

0:25:320:25:33

ALARM SOUNDS

0:25:330:25:35

Oh!

0:25:350:25:37

I had a very good year, thank you. But no, no, not Goodyear.

0:25:370:25:39

Harry Hill used to do that joke.

0:25:390:25:41

So who used to play Bet Lynch in...? What's the character, Julie...?

0:25:410:25:44

-Julie.

-Julie, um...

-Goodyear.

0:25:440:25:47

Yeah, not bad thanks.

0:25:470:25:50

It's like the... Who was that Austrian racing driver Niki, Niki?

0:25:500:25:53

Lauda.

0:25:530:25:54

WHO WAS THAT AUSTRIAN?

0:25:540:25:55

Did you know that that actress was stabbed, sad story,

0:25:580:26:03

that actress who was stabbed, she was in Legally Blonde, Reese?

0:26:030:26:06

Witherspoon?

0:26:060:26:08

No, with a knife.

0:26:080:26:09

Hey! Oh!

0:26:090:26:10

Who's that actress who was in Friends?

0:26:120:26:14

Courteney, Courteney...? What was her name?

0:26:140:26:17

Cox.

0:26:170:26:18

Caught any cock? No, not lately, you're supposed to say.

0:26:180:26:21

No, silly. Silly, silly, silly, silly, silly. Sorry.

0:26:210:26:25

-A good one to finish on.

-Yeah, a very good one.

0:26:250:26:27

So who makes the most tyres in the world? It's not Goodyear.

0:26:270:26:30

-A major tyre manufacturer?

-Dunlop?

-Yes. It's not Dunlop.

0:26:300:26:33

Hankook? Hankook?

0:26:330:26:35

-Firestone.

-Firestone. No, not Firestone.

0:26:350:26:38

Pirelli.

0:26:380:26:40

If we get the right one, do we get points?

0:26:400:26:42

-Yes, you'll get...

-Pirelli?

-Not Pirelli, no.

0:26:420:26:47

-Tyres, you know...

-Continental?

0:26:470:26:49

< SHOUT FROM AUDIENCE: Lego!

0:26:490:26:51

Oh, audience gets the answer.

0:26:510:26:53

-Oh, Lego.

-It's Lego.

-Lego. Very good.

0:26:530:26:55

Very good, aren't they?

0:26:550:26:56

Hey!

0:26:570:26:58

-It sort of depends how you define a tyre, doesn't it?

-It does.

0:27:000:27:04

They're not pneumatic, it must be said, but then tyres,

0:27:040:27:07

there were tyres before pneumatic tyres.

0:27:070:27:09

And they're not the same.

0:27:090:27:11

Well, there you are, on that interesting Lego note,

0:27:110:27:14

that's all for tonight.

0:27:140:27:15

Leaving only the little matter of the scores.

0:27:150:27:18

How interesting they are.

0:27:180:27:20

I'm afraid to say, in a rather convincing last place,

0:27:200:27:23

with minus 48, it's David Mitchell.

0:27:230:27:27

APPLAUSE

0:27:270:27:31

And a full 30 points ahead, with minus 18, Jo Brand.

0:27:330:27:36

APPLAUSE

0:27:360:27:38

Most impressively, skating on nil points, Alan Davies!

0:27:410:27:45

APPLAUSE

0:27:450:27:47

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:27:520:27:55

Say what you like about them...

0:27:570:27:59

Every cliche proven.

0:28:050:28:07

Bad losers, bad winners, graceless, but unquestionably

0:28:070:28:13

nearly always victorious,

0:28:130:28:15

-our winner, Colin Lane with two points.

-Yes!

0:28:150:28:19

APPLAUSE

0:28:190:28:21

So, it's good night from Colin, David, Jo, Alan and me.

0:28:250:28:29

And I leave you with the last words of British politician Henry Fox.

0:28:290:28:33

"If Mr Selwyn calls again, show him up.

0:28:330:28:37

"If I am alive, I shall be delighted to see him.

0:28:370:28:39

"And if I am dead, he would be delighted to see me."

0:28:390:28:42

Good night.

0:28:420:28:43

APPLAUSE

0:28:430:28:46

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS