Murphy and O'Kane do... Donegal

This is Donegal - one of the most beautiful counties in Ireland

and a magnet for thousands of northerners

who break for the border every chance they get.

I know that any time I've been I've really enjoyed it.

This is Jake O'Kane.

We've known each other for over 20 years.

He lives in North Belfast and really hates the idea of leaving it.

Jake just doesn't get Donegal. Well, we'll see about that.

So I'm taking Jake way out west for the weekend to explore the county

the guidebooks, but no-one else, calls the Fort of the Foreigners.

Except, he doesn't know it yet.

-Where are you taking me?

-Donegal.

Aaah-ah-ha-ha!

What?

You said Ibiza!

Who wants to go to Donegal?! There's nothing in Donegal.

There must be something in it. Look, everybody goes.

They own caravans there, they're building wee houses everywhere.

There must be something to it.

I like it. Any time I've been, I've liked it.

JAKE GROANS

Ah, stop moaning.

It better be better tomorrow. It better be better tomorrow.

It better be better tomorrow. It better be better tomorrow.

-SAT NAV:

-'Say house number, street and town.'

Fanad.

Fanaaad.

'I didn't get that.'

Oh, for f...

Excuse me...

I don't know what I came in for.

I go hundreds of miles. That's a holiday.

I don't want to meet anybody I know, don't want to see anybody I know...

-Daniel.

-What?

-Daniel.

Take me to see Daniel and that'll do.

I've always wanted to meet Daniel O'Donnell.

Move the cars out of the way. We're going to Donegal.

There's a big section of people watching this

would think that we're going abroad.

JAKE LAUGHS

-There's no signs for the border, right?

-No.

I can feel when we cross.

Wait for it.

-Wait for it.

-Very nearly.

-I think...

-You can feel it. Can you feel it?

-Wait.

Free at last! Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!

COLIN LAUGHS

You can't tell the difference any more either

whenever you cross the border.

It used to be the roads were worse. Remember the roads?

-It was like the mountains of...

-North, North, North, North, South!

'We're only minutes over the border

'and Jake's already finding reasons to be unhappy.'

This is what I'm talking about! This is exactly what I'm talking about.

This is June and we're going to get hypothermia.

We have photographs of us on holidays in Donegal.

One of them I'm standing in the sea up to my knees with a coat on.

Where are we staying?

In the heart of Downings.

Downings. I've heard Downings is nice.

Right in the centre of the action. Authentic.

That's what I've chosen.

-The hotel?

-To the... Not that one. It's a wee bit further on.

Here we go.

Oh, yeah.

Come to Donegal, you've got to live the dream.

-You're joking. Aren't you joking?

-No.

To get the full Donegal experience,

you've got no choice but to stay in a caravan.

I don't know which one it is though.

Mayfair Super!

1961, maybe.

Enter the spacious lounge area...

with seating that probably turns into a bed.

Serving area through here.

Here we go - kitchen...ette.

This is like Grand Designs.

I like the stain on the mattress.

The stain on the mattress, that's...

Master bedroom.

That's where I'm staying.

You can stay in that one, I'm staying in the big one.

There's a bunk bed, look.

This is the thing - it's the privacy,

that's my favourite thing about these places.

Listen. Can't hear a thing. Hear that soundproofing?

What did you say?

-Is this everything you dreamed of?

-Everything I dreamed of and more.

I'm not staying here. I'm not staying here.

I'm not going to sit here looking at you. Pub, any pub.

-You don't even drink.

-I don't care. It's better than this.

The caravan parks in Downings are full of Northerners,

which means at the weekend the pubs in Downings are full of Northerners.

So we're popping in to meet one of them.

-Colette, you have a caravan in the place where we're staying.

-Yeah.

You come up here a lot?

Eh, yeah, I would come up...

Well, I take five weeks off in the summer

and I come up for five weeks in the summer.

So you save your holidays up

-and do them in one?

-So where do you teach?

Oh, I don't teach. Sorry...

THEY LAUGH

Why have you kept coming back?

Because you develop your own friends.

For the people who have been here for 30, 40 years,

it's just the way of life that we have led.

It's what we know.

You know, I have friends who have good jobs,

but at the same time they still love the caravan site

as opposed to building a house.

Is there a rivalry between the people

with the different caravan parks?

Cos there's more than one caravan park here.

-Is there certain rivalries?

-No, no, no, no.

-I don't think there is.

-"Are you not at the front?"

Well, there is a bit of that, I think, to be fair.

Of course there is. Are you one of the front ones?

-The very front, yeah.

-Oh, excuse me.

-Very front, with glass.

-We're not.

-You're all right. You'll be OK.

You can come and visit me if you want to look at the sea or anything.

-You're all right.

-Some of them are quite swanky.

-Some of them are.

-Not ours, I have to say.

Not the one that we're in tonight. Nothing swanky.

-There's nothing wrong with it.

-Have you no central heating?

-What? BOTH:

-No central heating?

-There's no central heating.

-I didn't...

know you could get central heating.

Yes, central heating and double glazing.

-What?!

-And double glazing.

My choice tomorrow night. My choice tomorrow night.

Colette has central heating.

Colette's got a caravan, but Colette's got central heating.

What do you get? Hypothermia Hotel.

I didn't know they had central heating.

You could have checked!

Tomorrow night we're staying in a hotel. I'm serious.

I'm not messing about with this.

We're staying in a brick building with central heating.

COLIN MUTTERS Yeah, yeah, exactly.

It better be better tomorrow. It better be better tomorrow.

It better be better tomorrow. It better be better tomorrow.

-Say it again.

-It better be better tomorrow. It better be.

-Sh. Sh!

-There's nobody here!

There's nobody to hear us, that's the point.

-We're the only people here.

-That's not right.

Well, that's the one good thing about nobody else being here -

-it's that nobody's looking out at us.

-And nobody can hear me scream.

That's true. In Donegal, nobody can hear you scream.

That should be the tourist board slogan.

SPOON CLANGS You snore.

-I didn't hear anything.

-I'm happy for you.

Despite all the slagging, all the messing yesterday,

it was comfortable, wasn't it? I slept like a log.

-You snore.

-What?

-You snore loudly. All night.

-I know.

-Yeah.

-So, breakfast?

-Food.

As in, did you bring breakfast?

I didn't bring breakfast.

You didn't bring any? Seriously?

Oh, for...

-Go to the shop, go to the shop.

-OK, I'll go for a pee and then we'll go.

Hurry up. OK.

COLIN HUMS

URINE TRICKLES

JAKE GROANS

At least it's stopped raining.

I know a place we can buy some breakfast,

but finding the road to it, or any actual road,

is proving a wee bit tricky.

Oh, look at this! Ooh.

We've got grass in the middle of the road.

That's a Brazilian.

THEY CHUCKLE

This is the difference. Weather changes, this place changes.

That is glorious. I think we might actually be lost.

We are lost. The roads are getting narrower.

SAT NAV BEEPS

Navigate to Fanad.

-SAT NAV:

-'Say house number, street and town.'

-What?!

-Fanad.

Fanad.

Fanaaad.

-'Falkland...'

-Falklands?

-Back!

-Back.

-Back.

SAT NAV BEEPS

-'Sorry, I didn't get that.'

-Back.

No. How can we no... That's even stupider than this. No, stop.

-Stop!

-I'll do it as Patrick Stewart.

-IMITATES PATRICK STEWART:

-Fanad!

Main Street, Fanad.

'I didn't get that.'

-Oh, for f...

-Fanaaad!

Yes.

'Main Street, Main Street, Main Street, Main Street.'

Up you, GPS.

At last, a classic Donegal shop. O'Kane is going to love this!

-Hello.

-Hello there.

Good afternoon.

Jesus.

I don't know what I've come in for.

Whatever it is, it's here. That's the thing.

What don't you supply?

It'd be easier to actually say what you don't sell.

We like to do a wee bit of everything here.

I suppose it's a real country store here,

so we try and accommodate everybody and leave nobody stuck.

This is the original Lidls.

We met a fella outside. He said, "That's a great shop in there.

"You can buy half a pound of nails and a pound of butter."

THEY LAUGH

What's the weirdest thing you have?

Yeah, what's thing that you bought, "This is definitely going to sell"

-and you've never sold any of them?

-Em... It's funny.

Stuff can sit there for about two or three years

and the next thing you'll sell two or three of them.

We sold a couple of plungers this morning.

It must have been a rough night up at the pub last night.

-Plunger you've got.

-Yeah.

-Varnish?

-Yeah.

-Bread obviously.

-Yeah.

-Light bulbs?

-Yeah.

Not one type of...but two types of raffle tickets.

-Wellies.

-Yep.

-The boots?

-Yeah.

-Are you serious?

-Yeah.

No, no. No, you're kidding me.

JAKE LAUGHS

-A wreath.

-Yeah.

How long are yous here?

-About 150 years.

-Are you serious?

-Yeah.

It's been a long time.

That is brilliant.

Excuse me.

Ah.

-I thought of something.

-Go.

What about the old...condoms?

JAKE LAUGHS

He looked this direction.

I'm not too sure, boys, but there used to be ones up there.

-There used to be?

-Yeah.

Where are yous off to next?

Em...surfing.

Surfing?

Surfing is one of the main reasons why people from Northern Ireland

love Donegal, so it's only right and proper that we give it a go.

This is Duncan - a buff surfer boy from Bangor who's showing us

the ropes...and his pecs.

-So a board for us, something with...

-Middle-aged written on it.

-Yeah. And stabilizers.

-Fat.

-Fat.

When we're starting lessons,

we generally use the softer boards here.

Nice, easy waves, get you guys up on your feet.

Heaps of fun.

-Do you live here now?

-I do, yeah. Yeah, I live here all year round.

-And surfing is the thing that keeps you here?

-Yeah, pretty much.

You can surf pretty much every day of the year.

And do you get many people from home here?

Yeah, most of our clients will come over from Belfast.

I'm from Bangor and I've moved up here so I can surf more.

We'll get a lot of people.

It's only two-and-a-half hours down the road,

so there's a lot of people coming up.

And do people from Northern Ireland have a natural ability and balance?

No.

OK, guys, so we're just going to grab the boards and bring them out

to about waist-depth - so just where these waves are breaking.

Nice and slow.

Once we've done three or four waves, we'll get you guys up to your feet.

Plan? Happy enough?

I know Jake can't swim, but can he surf?

Ah!

I think I swallowed something.

Dear Lord, I will never do this again.

That was brutal. My back's wrecked. Wrecked!

-It was fine. It's going to take me THEE osteopath...

-THEE osteopath?

THEE osteopath.

As we say in North Belfast, THEE.

We are not staying in a caravan tonight.

I am arranging accommodation tonight.

You don't do caravans, North Belfast.

I pass Twaddell every day.

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

I wonder if anybody's mistaken that as a campsite.

Seriously, I wonder if any tourists...

-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-Oh, look there's a place we can park up in our RV.

A hotel is, "Oh, can I have dinner?"

"Oh, sorry, it's 9.10, we stopped serving at 8.00."

Nobody wants dinner after 8 o'clock.

Well, it's better than having to make your own dinner.

Breakfast at 8.30 in the morning.

Better than having no breakfast at all.

Twitter suggestion - check out Brendan in Fanaghy.

-Where?

-Fanaghy.

-Dunfanaghy?

-Is that what it is?

-Yes.

-Oh, right.

I don't do Twitter, but Jake's followers are sending us

to some fella who's guaranteed to bring out Jake's inner child.

He says he's got fairies at the bottom of his garden,

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't do Twitter.

JAKE MUMBLES

-Brendan.

-Oh, hello. How are you doing?

-Jake.

-You're very welcome, Jake.

-Colin.

Colin, how are you? You're very welcome.

Can't help but, eh, notice... Is it a designated day?

Well, as it happens, it is one of those days

when we have more English or British people here than normal.

So whatever is the predominant number of people we have,

we fly their flag on the day, yes.

That's a system people might adopt.

That may be something that would go.

This is beautiful.

But it's unusual in the sense that you have things here that

maybe you wouldn't have in a Northern guesthouse. You have a fairy grotto.

Yes. When people arrive with their children

and I mention about the fairies, the eyes light up, so I point

out on the skyline that perfectly conical hill

is called Crocasidhe. It means the hill of the fairies.

-That's right. I want to see the grotto.

-Great.

You said you've had poets and writers and things

that have come down here for a bit of me time.

People come to practise music, write their poems,

pray, meditate, whatever they like.

It's just a quiet spot.

Of course, if you knew nothing about all the things I've said, it's just

a nice, quiet, natural spot with only the sound of the little stream.

I'm not sure... A very positive man, a very positive man.

Do you ever think of having something down here,

maybe just for a laugh, tell them all of this

and then put a little speaker up somewhere

and then you could be up in the house and go, "I'm behind you"?

Well, I'll tell you something that I actually do get.

About four times a year, I get a letter addressed to

My Fairy Godmother at Corcreggan Mill, Dunfanaghy.

It's from a little six-year-old girl in the North.

There's no stamp on it, so I have to pay double the postage.

Then she's telling me about all the things that are happening at home

-and please could you fix this or fix that.

-Ah.

-Really lovely.

It's nice to have magic. I don't know whether it's true or not,

but it's nice to have the thought of it. I like this too.

But I'm a bit freaked out,

cos I'm waiting for somebody to tap me on the shoulder.

Sitting in that grotto, you were sort of...

-What? Were you starting to feel something?

-Could be something.

But it might be the seawater I drank earlier.

-It could be that.

-Mm.

Could be mild dysentery.

So, unhappy with last night's sleeping arrangements,

Jake's sorted tonight's accommodation,

though, I'm telling you, that caravan will take some beating.

-Where did you find this?

-Oh, now...

-Was it a recommendation?

-It's a recommendation.

-It's like one of your caravans up near the front.

-Oh, yeah.

-You know, rather than where we were.

-Yeah.

Anyone can get in!

As long as you pay the price.

Dump the bags, and we'll head in to Donegal.

Actually you'll probably leave the bags at reception

-and a little man will take them.

-Oh, someone will come and...

-Yeah.

It's one of those hotels.

Is this expensive?

Holy Moley.

Cabaret!

Are we on?

# Well, Danny was a young man... #

So we've dropped our bags and headed into the big smoke - Donegal Town.

It's Saturday night, and again

the place is full of people from our side of the border.

They're here for the dancing, and to enjoy the headline act -

a fella from Portaferry with the showbiz name Stephen Smyth.

# ..bring him home. #

We've been watching, and I was thinking, "Some of these people

"aren't going to last till two in the morning,"

but you said that's not true.

They'll be here at two o'clock in the morning, trust me.

-Seriously?

-Absolutely.

Stephen, it's a big draw for Northerners,

an awful lot come across the border specifically for this weekend,

-they'll book themselves in, be here.

-Very much so.

This thing is a Friday-Saturday-Sunday.

You've two bands Friday, two bands Saturday,

and you've Sunday afternoon and you can stay here in the hotel

on the Sunday night for an extra tenner or something.

-It's the Woodstock of country.

-Absolutely!

HE SINGS

We were talking earlier about Uncle Hugo,

and how important Uncle Hugo is.

You were saying he's the man, he's the John Peel of country music.

-Cos I can see, can you not see that there is...

-Don't insult the man.

Right?

There was something about...

He doesn't have half as much jewellery.

Or half as much money, I guarantee.

As Uncle Hugo.

If it weren't for Hugo, country music wouldn't be as big

in Northern Ireland, or Donegal, for that matter.

# Every Monday morning he'd be sitting in his home... #

Probably one of the biggest experts from Donegal

-has got to be Daniel.

-Oh, Daniel! We're meeting Daniel.

He has opened up a lot of doors for a lot of different bands

and he has made so many fans worldwide,

but a lot of people come to Donegal

because of that connection with his name, as well.

This is people coming out for a good time,

and people have met at our dances and they've got married.

If you ask somebody where they met, you know...

This is the Grindr for country?

Absolutely!

THEY LAUGH

Do you even know what Grindr is?

-Do you know what that is?

-I heard it somewhere!

-I certainly don't.

-You do? Ohhh!

-I said I don't!

-I think he meant Tinder!

-Tinder? Is it Tinder?

All right, OK.

-Grindr's a whole other world.

-Is it?

Yeah!

It was like being at a wedding

when you didn't know who was getting married.

-And you can't dance.

-It was bizarre!

-You don't know how to dance.

-Nobody gets turned down. There's hope for you.

-There's hope for me.

Doesn't matter what age you are, if somebody asked you to dance,

-the women never, ever said no.

-Good.

-Thank you very much. Thank you.

-Would you like some black pepper?

No, that's lovely. Thank you.

What's this?

This is breakfast. This is civilised breakfast.

No caravan, no making it up.

This is my Donegal.

You have your Donegal - this is my Donegal.

-Can't sleep in here, though.

-I slept upstairs.

Do you know, there was a hallway into my room.

First time in my life, there was a hallway!

There was a coat stand on the way into my hotel room!

My wife phoned me, it took me about three minutes to get to the phone.

I ran.

I ran up the...

Took me two seconds to run the length of the room.

Only a spade would do that.

-Gentlemen, is everything OK for you?

-Lovely, thanks very much.

-Cheers, thank you.

-Enjoy.

HE MIMICS WAITER'S ACCENT

"Milady!" Ooh!

"I'm not worthy to be here!"

Ssh!

CONTINUES MIMICKING WAITER

"It's lovely of you to have us here."

Look at this.

I think this bit of Donegal people don't realise is here.

See these places? You could be saying, "What for like does it take

"to get me a cup of tea?" - they will come with your tea,

-"Thank you, sir."

-They won't,

cos they won't understand a word you've said!

-IN STRONG IRISH ACCENT:

-Can I get a wee cup of tea, like, know what I mean?

Lovely. Beautiful, so it is.

This is the last day.

This is the perfect way to start the last day.

Now, you promised me Daniel.

Well, we'll go to the place and see.

There's a visitor centre or something.

Shrine. The word you're looking for is shrine.

Do your Daniel.

HE IMITATES DANIEL

-Are we nearly there yet? Are we nearly there yet?

-No.

-Are we nearly there yet?

-Are we nearly there?

-Yes.

'And for the perfect end to Jake's weekend,

'we arrive at Daniel's Den of Antiquities.

'But this ain't no Graceland.'

Jumper.

-Jumper.

-Donegal uniform.

He's the only man in the world famous for jumpers.

That's hand-knit.

-That's not, that's Dunnes.

-That's not Dunnes! That's hand-knit.

Some wee woman's got arthritis in her fingers knitting that.

-That's brilliant.

-Trend-setter.

That's Donegal! You wouldn't be wearing a suit in Donegal.

"Sometimes I don't look my best in live pictures

"because when I'm singing, there's no time to pose."

That's quite grungy.

That's quite...

Most other performers put something down their trousers.

-Daniel doesn't need it!

-He took something out.

Big day.

Oh, whoa.

This is all a bit personal.

But that's what they want. That's what his audience,

-they want...

-He does let people in.

Look, there's the wedding video!

You're joking.

That's their wedding video!

-That's very private stuff.

-This is what they want.

-I know.

It's like you broke into his house.

You don't realise how big he is.

-Three million.

-In America?

-Three million.

-I didn't know that.

-Do you know the other thing?

This is the thing gets me.

He hasn't aged. This is clean living. You should pick up on this.

-Think it's a wee...?

-I don't think he does.

Genuinely, I don't think he does get work done.

-Oh! I never knew he got an OBE.

-Did he?

He couldn't go in to Buckingham Palace to get that.

-Prince Charles came to Dublin...

-Why couldn't he go in to get it?

He's an Irish citizen.

-So he's not allowed to go into...

-Buckingham Palace?

-Yeah.

-No, they wouldn't trust you.

-Wow!

-Hello.

-Is he here?

No, sorry, Daniel's not here.

Daniel's in Tenerife.

-Tenerife?

-Tenerife.

-You said he was going to be here.

I said there was a possibility!

It's like going to visit Elvis and Elvis is not here.

He's dead! Elvis is dead!

I know, well, Daniel's alive! But he's in Tenerife.

I'll take a mug for the wife.

I have them already pre-packed.

Oh, you're good.

I'm ready for you.

I actually do want a mug for the wife.

She says I never bring her anything back!

-What's that?

-Ten euro, please.

Ten euro. Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

-No wonder he's in Tenerife!

-Know what I love about the countryside?

-What?

-Quiet.

-Tis.

-Collect your thoughts.

-Peace and quiet.

-Meditate.

Meditate.

Drink it all in.

Jesus. Midges!

What's that?

-Give us some.

-Nope!

-Oh, come on.

-Nope!

-Give me some!

-Nope!

-Give me some midgie stuff!

-Nope!

-For God's sake!

-Ten euro.

-What?

-Ten euro!

Give me ten euro and I'll give you the midgie stuff.

Unbelievable.

-It doesn't work, by the way.

-What?!

It's deodorant.

So have you been converted, then?

-I've been converted. It is nice.

-It is.

It's been surprising. All right, sir?

-How's it going?

-All right.

And you?

Not too bad, not too bad.

Getting eaten alive, but not too bad.

-Friendly locals!

-Yep, friendly people.

They wave at you, they talk to you.

-You wouldn't get that at home.

-No.

-So you're converted then, you like Donegal?

-I like Donegal.

Donegal's a nice place.

-Can you see why people come here?

-I can see why people come here.

-I can see why people stay here!

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

But I want to go home!

-You've only been away a weekend.

-I know, but I want to go home.

I yearn for...asphalt.

Street lights.

It would be lovely if they moved it closer to Belfast.

That's all I'm saying.

-And killed off the midges.

-Yeah.

-Are you bored?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.