Lucy Owen: Middle-Aged Me

Welcome to Wales Today, tonight's headlines...

'My name is Lucy Owen, and I'm 45.

'When I first presented the news more than 20 years ago,

'there were a few less wrinkles to cover up.'

Good evening from HTV.

Welsh hospitals are at bursting point tonight.

'There's no avoiding it, I'm now one in about half a million Welsh women

'officially stamped middle-aged.'

I am looking really tired. It's those bags under my eyes!

'And as more of us work into our 70s and live into our 80s,

'what counts as midlife is changing.'

Is it taking much longer to make me up these days?

'I've got two decades of middle age ahead of me,

'and there are some things I'm not looking forward to.

'I hate my grey hairs, the memory lapses and my aching bones.

'And what about other women my age across Wales?

'Do they, like me, worry what else middle age might have in store?'

As I head towards my 50s,

I'm determined to fight off the signs of getting older for

as long as possible. But there's one big taboo that affects every woman

and I'm about to tackle it head on.

One of the things that is on my mind as I head towards 50 is...

the menopause. It feels weird even saying it.

Even though lots of my friends are approaching that age,

it is a bit of a taboo subject.

I don't know why it should be like that.

Is there something that...? I don't know.

I honestly don't know what it is about it.

I mean, it happens to all women, so why should it be...an issue?

PIANO PLAYING, CHOIR SINGS

'I'm here in Tonyrefail to meet a group of women

'I hope can help me get over my fear.'

I imagine that you've all been through the menopause.

Yes. How old were you when you went through the menopause?

About 40, 45-ish, yeah.

That was bang on for me! Yeah.

I was a bit sort of irritable, night sweats, that sort of thing.

Which I thought, you know, what's happening to me?

But every woman goes through those sort of things.

So could you describe to me what those hot flushes were like

and, like, how often you'd get them?

At night, it was these sort of sweats you get.

You know, night sweats, where you'd be soaking wet here.

Running down the back of your neck, down your back. Oh, my gosh!

Um, and, if you're just sitting there doing something,

you could feel it....

From your toes up. Yeah, coming up your body.

And then you knew it was all going to come down your face.

You'd be... And you didn't know what to do.

Anything to cool you down quickly, you know.

Did you all talk about it together when you were going through it?

Well, I don't think so, Lucy,

because we were all working.

Um, so really, as far as I'm concerned,

it was on the back burner.

I didn't make it a thing. Hmm.

You know, "I'm on the change!"

People can make it as awful and hard as they want to. Yes.

But if you've got a positive outlook,

I don't think it's a problem at all.

And good friends and support. Yes. Yes! That's really important.

Girlfriends!

And do you mind me asking whether it has an effect

on your relationship with your partner?

Because that's one of the things that I suppose I think about.

I don't think it's made any difference at all. No.

If you've got a good relationship, you know, that's...

He should understand, you know, and love you for it or, you know...

No, I don't think it made a difference.

And the problem is, then, you can't get pregnant!

LAUGHTER

No! So no worries!

There is that. Every cloud!

So what's your advice to get through...? ALL: Join a choir!

LAUGHTER

# For the beauty of each hour

# Of the day and of the night... #

'Oh, my goodness, it was such a massive relief to talk to those...'

wonderful, warm, gorgeous, fabulous women.

I don't think I realised how, um... how afraid I was of the menopause,

which sounds a bit ridiculous, I think,

but they are so positive about it.

It's all going to be OK

and if we could all only talk about it a little bit more,

I think we'd all be a little bit less worried.

So now, I just feel - do you know what? - I can take it in my stride.

I can deal with it. They've dealt with it, I can do it too.

So, you know, bring it on.

Bring it on!

# ..This, a joyful hymn

# A hymn of praise. #

Yey! LAUGHTER

Thank you!

Aw! I was awful! I was terrible! You're just being nice to me!

'Looking forward to my 50s and 60s,

'I'm feeling much less confident about how I'll cope with

'my changing appearance and, when it comes to going grey gracefully,

'my mum has some very clear ideas.'

Oh, my gosh, Lucy.

LUCY LAUGHS

I can't believe you've got so many grey hairs.

Have I got...? Have I got loads at the top? Yes.

There's a beauty there. That's really grey there.

Thanks, thanks a lot(!)

'I get my hair colour straight out of a bottle.

'But why do I do it? And do I really want

'to spend the rest of my years fighting the greys?'

I suppose I think I need to start thinking about

how long I stay this dark, because I know there's a lot coming through,

I know there's quite a lot at the top.

It's quite solid sort of in the front bit.

And then, just about the back of the ear,

then it starts sort of, you know, looking a bit more sparse.

But it always happens.

You know, it happens. Men have this lovely sort of, um,

grey at the temples, which makes them look really attractive.

But unfortunately, it doesn't happen for women.

I don't think they look as attractive.

Why is that? Why does it seem to be more OK for men

to be the silver fox than women? It shouldn't be like that.

They just get away with it, don't they? It's not fair.

'My mum was in her early 40s when she spotted her first grey hairs.'

I couldn't face the fact that, if I was grey and pepper and salt,

I would feel I would give up, I think, and think,

"Now I'm old now," you know?

Whereas, I think you have to keep on fighting it

in whatever way you can, really. Yeah. So keep tinting.

Have I got many in my fringe? No! You'll be pleased to hear.

Ah.

So would it be weird for you having a grey-haired daughter?

Oh, really weird. You mean a blonde mother with a grey-haired daughter?

No, doesn't work, does it?

Or a mother who's old enough to have a daughter with grey hair!

Very weird, I think. You think?

There you go, all done.

Any greys? How's it looking? None at all, all gone.

Yeah, you're on my side now.

THEY LAUGH

I'm not blonde!

'Turning back the clock doesn't stop at our hairline.

'In the battle to look younger for longer,

'we have everything from creams to face lifts to choose from.

'But is this all just plain old vanity?'

I love it. I hate to admit it,

but I love it if somebody says to me, "Ooh, you don't look 45!"

'In recent years, the nonsurgical treatment Botox has become

'the new elixir of youth for growing numbers of Welsh women.'

I find it harder to watch than sitting there. Do you? Really? Yeah.

You feeling OK? Yeah, just about. OK.

LAUGHTER

'It works by relaxing the facial muscles,

'ironing out your lines and wrinkles.

'It's a business worth billions.

'But Botox was never designed as an anti-ageing treatment.'

It is a toxin, but you know, it's been around for decades and decades,

being used in much higher doses in neurology and ophthalmology.

So it's not a new drug by any means.

It's pretty full-on, watching it being done now, I have to say.

It just brings it home, the kind of treatment it is.

'Like 47-year-old Nicola, I've tried Botox.

'Watching her treatment, I wonder whether her reason

'for resisting the telltale signs of ageing is the same as mine.'

I've tried it. Yeah.

I don't particularly like the crow's feet around my eyes. No.

But I also think, why can't I be more comfortable with it?

Why should I dislike them? Why do we fight it?

Well, I just think it's the age we live in, isn't it?

It's all about the peer pressure.

And especially for yourself, because you're on TV.

So you need to look your best.

With me, it's just not about how other people see me,

but how I feel within myself.

So how do you feel now that you've had it done? Great. Do you?

Looking forward now to the seven to ten days when it's all settled and working.

So do you feel kind of quite excited now?

Well, yes, because I look every morning now,

I look in the mirror to see the change.

'But why is it that some of us who've tried it,

'or have it regularly, find it so difficult to admit?'

There is a huge stigma attached to it.

A lot of women come in, sometimes they don't tell their husbands.

Sometimes they tell their husbands,

but they would die if their children knew. Or their mothers!

Many of them say they want to feel better

and they feel, when they do this, it makes them feel better.

We can argue that that's vain, but that's not my stance.

My stance is, this is what some people need to feel better

and I'm happy that I can do it appropriately for them.

Do you mind me asking if you have it done? Ha-ha!

I'm being outed on national TV! LAUGHTER

Um, yes, I've had it done.

Not many times, but I have had it done

and I feel it also gives me a better understanding of my patients.

And I do find it makes me feel a lot happier

when I do it. How old are you? Now I'm being outed!

I'm being outed twice! The whole hog! I'm 52 years old.

Oh, my gosh. I mean, you don't look 52.

You look absolutely amazing! Thank you.

Well, I thought they made a very good case for Botox there

and I love that it was about making the best of themselves,

feeling confident, not about looking younger.

I can relate to that.

Although I really loved Nicola's laughter lines

that she had before her treatment. I thought she looked beautiful

and I see lots of older women who look lovely with those lines.

I just wish that I could get to a place where I love the lines

that are appearing on my face a little bit more.

In my heart of hearts,

I don't believe my age should dictate my appearance.

But when I cleared out my wardrobe recently,

I found these little numbers.

And my heart sank.

SHE LAUGHS Whee!

Oh, my gosh. I haven't put this dress on for about ten years!

It's so low!

There is no way I would wear this now!

I interviewed Tom Jones in this dress,

'so I can't ever throw it away, because he liked it at the time.'

You look so well. So do you. Gorgeous, as always!

But I just would not in a million years feel comfortable

wearing this now.

I've just got to realise that there are some things in my wardrobe that

just need to stay there now.

'As a 45-year-old working mum,

'I've achieved a lot of my ambitions and I have a pretty good life.

'So why don't I feel 100% fulfilled?

'Is this my midlife crisis?

'To help answer these questions, Dr Phill De Prez -

'a psychologist from Wrexham Glyndwr University -

'has bought me along to Wales Ape and Monkey Sanctuary in Swansea.

'Apparently, we humans

'have even more in common with primates than I thought.'

I have no idea why we're in a cage full of lemurs

to discuss midlife and a midlife crisis.

Can you tell me why you've brought me here?

THEY LAUGH

The reason we're here specifically is because there's a lot of research

into primates and apes and monkeys that looks

at a similar pattern to their happiness as in humans.

We go through a U-shape of happiness.

So, when we're young, we're very happy,

we don't have any real responsibilities.

And as we go through life, we tend to have more responsibility,

whether it's family or career or ageing parents.

We become less happy until it reaches the bottom at midlife.

And we tend to get more happy as we grow older,

because, again, we tend to move away from those responsibilities

to a certain extent. And there's a lot of research into apes

and primates that says that they follow a similar U-shaped pattern.

'Well, they are our closest relatives,

'so it should be no surprise that, just like us,

'they also suffer a middle age downturn.

'Although I'm yet to see a monkey buy a sports car.'

How old are you, then, Phill? I'm in my mid-50s now.

Are you? Yeah, so... Do you think you had a midlife crisis?

About every 2? years, so... LAUGHTER

It's ongoing! It's ongoing.

Yeah, I think I thrive on challenges.

And for me, in a way, that's what a midlife crisis tends to be.

It is looking at, "Have you achieved your full ambition?"

"Have you achieved your full way

"of doing what you want to do when you want to do it?"

You see, I still feel like there are things that I want to do, I don't

feel like it's time to sort of sit back and relax and take stock.

I still feel like there is stuff I want to do

and, for me, I feel like time's running out

and if I want to do stuff, I need to do it now. Yes.

That's how it's manifesting itself in me, I think.

It can be a time where we will look back and just try

and put some context into what we're doing, where we are.

It could be any personal aspiration that you've had, but sort of

went that way and you went the other way, it went off on a tangent.

So now's the time that you have got the time to catch up and maybe

do the things that you wanted to do, but you never had the time to do.

'With the prospect of living for another 40 years,

'is there another career out there for me?'

Firstly, that wonderful tuning in.

I'm in Cardiff to meet a group of brave middle-aged men and women

who are giving up full-time jobs to start their own businesses.

This is your first day in class, it's all right.

You see, my gut instinct is to just tickle them!

LAUGHTER

OK.

So you're now on my... chest, lungs, shoulders.

So shoulders are on the outside of the feet.

So... Now crossing to my heart area.

That's amazing! Yeah. And it's not so bad

touching someone else's feet. It's not so bad, is it?

'55-year-old Rachel is a specialist in anaesthetics,

'working in the University of Wales Hospital in Cardiff.

'But all that's about to change.'

What's made you decide to train as a reflexologist?

For me, it links in very closely with what I've done most of my life,

which is science and medicine. I wanted something that would

give me that same challenge and that same sense of discipline,

and learning reflexology's given me that challenge and that discipline.

Was it...your age, these middle years, that made you

start to think about this and made you want to make a change?

A lot of it has to do with wanting more of my own time

in my own life - that feeling of getting your life back.

So I wanted something that would allow me to work, but also to decide

when I worked and how I worked and with whom I worked.

For me, I work shifts as well, which I don't know how long

I'm going to be able to do that for and still, you know,

not get too tired to be right on the ball

and do the job as well as I can.

So I suppose that makes me think, you know,

"Do I need to make changes at some point?"

And... That's exactly how I felt.

And I think it's important, when you do get to middle age,

that you still feel you've got a future. You know, there's still

things out there that, actually, I'm going to be really good at

and that all my life experience can bring something to.

And that it, um, matters that I'm the age that I am,

and not an 18-year-old or 23-year-old.

So you don't feel sad about... losing your former career?

Yes, I do feel a little bit sad.

I still feel very attached to it,

but I feel happy that it's partly what I have been doing

that's giving me the platform to move onto the next thing.

It feels like the right time? Absolutely.

'I really admire the energy and guts of those men and women.'

But at the same time, for me, it is quite scary, isn't it?

Going from employment to self-employment.

I mean, that is a big risk.

I don't know whether I'd have their courage to do that.

But at the same time, I love that they've taken control,

it's their choice, they found something that they love

and they're having a second chance.

They've made a second chance for themselves

to do another career that they love and that is exciting.

I really enjoy the demands of my job and family life,

but I am looking forward to the day I might have more time for myself.

But my ability to pursue other interests or a second career

will be affected by how physically fit and able I am.

'And although immobility doesn't strike everyone in old age,

'it could happen to me and that's a worry.'

Hello. Hello! Oh, my gosh, this is so strange,

the fact I've come to university and walked into a hospital.

Welcome to our little pad. Oh, my gosh!

'Here at the University of South Wales,

'student nurses and midwives train on a simulated ward.

'Wearing this ageing kit gives them the first-hand experience

'of feeling like an elderly patient.'

It's a fantastic kit that disables your elbows,

to kind of have them a bit more stiffer.

It will be a weighted vest,

to stop you being so agile kind of getting out of chairs and things.

Um, there is an eyesight deficit kit as well. It doesn't make you blind,

but kind of doesn't allow you to see very clearly.

'Today, it's my turn to step into the shoes of someone much older

'and find out what the next 30 years might have in store for me.'

I'm immediately thinking I don't want any of these things

to happen to my body! LAUGHTER

These will just make your hands not...

totally able to kind of grip and hold.

I can imagine how it would be difficult to hold something now.

So if I can put that in the front like that.

You'll feel dramatically weighted.

How does that feel? Oh, my goodness.

So what could be causing me to feel like this?

Perhaps just age-related immobility. Really?

Really? Possibly. Cos it's so restricting!

Restricting. I just feel like I want to sit here, just like this,

and I do not want to move.

We're going to finally change now with altering your eyesight.

So if you want to put them on, then.

So this would be cataracts in both eyes? Yes.

How does that look? Oh, gosh.

It's like looking through really muddy water.

You know, you're just a blurry blob.

Right, right. I can't really see what's around me.

At what age can you develop cataracts?

Possibly, you might see changes in your 50s,

that maybe cataracts could be developing.

This is not for every individual, obviously.

So I wonder, if you were in a strange environment,

how confident you would feel to get up and walk?

I would be nervous seeing you there,

because I can't see whether you're smiling at me

or whether you're looking angry. So I'm completely reliant

on what I hear from how you speak... OK. ..and what you say to me.

'But I wouldn't be able to hear Jane clearly for much longer,

'as she's about to impair my hearing.'

It's like a high-pitched...

Well, it sounds like... chirping, almost.

Chirping sound? Rushing, chirping.

Oh, OK. Just distracting.

So a different sound... I'm fighting to hear you a bit more.

How do you feel now, maybe, if you get up off the chair

and we go to maybe buy a coffee?

I feel like that would be a massive effort.

OK. The tiniest things I'm finding really hard work.

So, getting up...

Ooh! Straightening up was really hard then.

Oh, I just feel really uncomfortable.

I just feel so heavy.

I feel like I can only shuffle.

And it's disorientating, this sound, actually.

I can't really see very well.

It's really... It's really hard to walk.

'I can only empathise with elderly people with mobility issues.'

It's so disorientating, because I can't actually work out...

where the buildings are. I'm feeling really tired.

If somebody offered me a chair right now, it would be very welcome.

'I think, if I felt like this every day,

'I could easily become isolated.'

Keep your head forward. I can see that we're in a canteen,

but I can't see where I go to get my cup of tea.

I think I can see the teapots.

No. Not tea pots.

No, that is the cake.

SHE LAUGHS I managed to find the cake.

Good to know that some instincts won't change.

I can't actually read that. I know that's cappuccino.

Is that the hot water?

No, no, it's nothing, that's just where the teabags are.

Eugh! Even just getting the teabag is hard!

It's hard to lift my arm up.

I don't know where I've got to pay.

Hello?

Hi. I'm really glad there's nobody behind me at the moment,

because I think I'd probably feel really agitated if I knew

there was a big queue, cos I literally can't do this any faster.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, my goodness! That was exhausting!

I find the thought that...

my eyes, hearing, mobility is going to degenerate further in my 50s -

that it's already started, and it's potentially going to get worse and

leave me like this - you know, it's quite frightening, to be honest.

And it makes me think I really want to do whatever I can right now

to try and hold this feeling off as long as I possibly can.

'The prospect of becoming frail and immobile in my old age

'is such a scary thought.

'It makes me re-evaluate all my other concerns.'

Come on through. Thank you.

'I've got personal reasons for worrying that

'I might develop a bone-related disease.'

It's important, at your age, to start to think about bone density

and bone health. Also to think about muscle health as well,

because after the age of 30, when you have your maximum bone density,

you start to lose about 1% of bone per year.

And what you don't want is to start having bone fractures.

So, when you're in your mid-40s,

start thinking about how you can start to retard some of that loss.

'My mum and dad both had hip issues, so I'm about to have a scan,

'which I hope will reassure me about the health of my bones.'

Are you comfortable? Yes. Are you ready?

Trying to relax. OK.

Just always a bit nerve-racking, something like this. Yeah.

You just hope that you don't find anything that's wrong.

'While I wait for my results,

'I get a chance to ask David why bone fractures are more common

'amongst women who've been through the menopause.'

Women after the age of 50,

they have a 50% chance of an osteoporotic-related fracture,

where men have about one in five, so a 20% chance,

and that's because of the drop-off

and the protection of the oestrogen hormones

that eliminates that protective mechanism.

'My 50s are just around the corner, so I'm more at risk of a fracture,

'which makes me really anxious about my scan results.'

And, um, what you're showing is, you're slightly osteopenic...

..which means that you have slightly low bone density.

Really? Yes. Gosh, that's a bit of a shock. Yeah.

I didn't want to hear that, David. No, no. I won't mind telling you.

No, I can understand that.

But at the same time, it's best that you found this out.

Osteopenia will transgress into osteoporosis

if not managed appropriately.

What can I do about it? That's what I want to know!

Is there anything that I can do?

Yeah. If you load the bones,

if you create strategies to create more stress on the bones,

they will respond to that and they will lay down more calcium

to actually strengthen the bone, so you have to put more effort

into weight-bearing, high impact exercise.

I think 150 minutes of exercise a week, that's 22 minutes a day,

of weight-bearing exercise in order to increase the bone deposition

and increase the actual density and content of your bone.

I'm so relieved that there is something that at least

I can do about it, though. Yeah. You have to do something, don't you?

Yes. Yeah, you have an obligation to do that,

for a number of reasons. Yeah. Your own health, your longevity, er,

family... Mm-hm. ..um, and it's appropriate that we suggest to you

what you need to do to be able to manage it.

Get the leg out, make sure you're comfortable, you're balanced, OK?

And then lean forward...

bring the elbow down.

That was such a massive shock, I just wasn't expecting it.

Just feel that tension in the thighs. Yeah.

'Even though I'm not relishing the prospect of doing those exercises,'

when David said that I need to, not just for me, but, you know,

for my family, you know, going forward, well,

you know, that will be my motivation

and that will make me do it and fight it and sort myself out.

SHE GRUNTS, THEY LAUGH

Oh, that's nice. SHE LAUGHS

'I feel like I've had a real wake-up call, which makes me care less now

'about doing battle with my ageing appearance.

'I'd like to think I might one day

'even be brave enough to ditch the hair dye.'

I do have...a nice wig.

Do you? With grey.

Right. Would you like to try that?

It'd be quite interesting to see what I look like grey.

Ooh! Ha-ha! It's long as well! OK.

Oh, my gosh.

Tell me when you think I can open my eyes. Shall I have a look?

Not yet? Yeah, I think that's about right. Now? Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh!

I kind of quite like it.

But I do feel instantly older.

It's a statement, isn't it?

It says I am, you know, in my middle, older years.

I am a grey-haired woman. I don't necessarily mind that.

'I'm depending on my friend Anne and my son Gabriel

'for an honest opinion about my new look.'

# Hello! #

Hi! Wow! You look like grandma.

Do you think I look older?

Way older. Good older?

Um....ish. Ish? Ish is good, I will take ish!

So I look more like a granny than a mummy?

Yeah. That might make me want to take this off, at this stage.

It looks good. So we can take heart, I think, from this. Do you think?

Yeah! I kind of quite like it.

'This has been quite a journey.

'I've met so many inspirational people

'and they've given me so much to think about.'

As I get older, I'm going to have to take action now

and take my fitness and my mental agility way more seriously.

I'm determined to make these years the very best they can be.

'I need to accept that I am getting older

'and it's not something to be feared.

'Life is definitely what you make it

'and the years to come are full of possibilities.'

Yey! LAUGHTER