Browse content similar to The Wipers Times. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
Line | From | To | |
---|---|---|---|
Sorry to keep you waiting. Balloon's gone up. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:51 | |
Total chaos. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
Deadlines brought forward, printers on the warpath - | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
all kinds of merry hell. | 0:00:55 | 0:00:57 | |
But that's Fleet Street for you. | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
I wouldn't know about Fleet Street but I'm familiar with merry hell. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
Oh, of course. Of course. The, uh, war. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:06 | |
Now, you have impressive references here from Mr Gilbert Frankau | 0:01:06 | 0:01:13 | |
and Mr RC Sherriff. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
Yes, I knew them back then when we were all working on Tenth Avenue. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:19 | |
Tenth Avenue? In New York? | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
No, No. In Flanders. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:24 | |
It was a trench. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:25 | |
Oh, yes, the war. Very good. I couldn't go of course. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:29 | |
Eyesight. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:30 | |
I'm sorry. You missed quite a show. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
Really? Yes, it must have been hell. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
From what I've read. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:37 | |
We had some bad times. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:39 | |
But we had some good times too. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:42 | |
I'm sure. So perhaps you could tell me about yourself, Mr...? | 0:01:42 | 0:01:46 | |
Roberts, Fred Roberts. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:51 | |
You do have my curriculum vitae? | 0:01:51 | 0:01:54 | |
Yes. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
But I'd like to hear about you in your own words. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:59 | |
Frederick Roberts. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
Formerly of the North Midlands Nottinghamshire and Derbyshire Regiment, | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
otherwise known as the Sherwood Foresters. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
A mining engineer by profession - | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
I worked in the Kimberley diamond mines in South Africa | 0:02:10 | 0:02:14 | |
until friend Fritz kicked off the firework party. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:18 | |
I see. So you have mining qualifications? | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
Jolly useful in a pioneer battalion | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
charged with trench repair and maintenance... | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
Though less useful in a newspaper office. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
I don't know - digging up all that muck. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
Yes, Mr Roberts. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:32 | |
My problem is that what we need here is men with relevant experience. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:39 | |
So tell me. Do you have any relevant experience? | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
BOMBS EXPLODE | 0:03:01 | 0:03:04 | |
Come on. Come on, lads. Quickly | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
Move it, move it, move it. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:03:19 | 0:03:22 | |
All right? | 0:03:22 | 0:03:23 | |
-Come on! -Come on! | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
BOMB EXPLODES Come on, lads. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
Everyone all right? Good lads. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
BOMBS EXPLODE | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
Oh, to be in Flanders now that winter's here. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:46 | |
It's April. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:47 | |
Is it? I find it frightfully difficult to tell. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:50 | |
Usual drill, Sergeant. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
Oi! Smith, Dodd, Henderson, Barnes. You heard the officer. | 0:03:56 | 0:04:00 | |
Search the place for anything we can use. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:01 | |
-Preferably of the metal or timber variety. -All right, sir. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:05 | |
And be sharp about it, lads. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
Fritz's love tokens seem to be arriving with greater frequency. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
BOMBS EXPLODE | 0:04:11 | 0:04:14 | |
4.2s, sir. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:15 | |
That's a relief. Thought for a minute they were 5.9s. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:18 | |
BOMB EXPLODES CLOSE BY | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
No. Those are 5.9s, sir. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
What the hell are you doing, Dodd? | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
Die Boche vermin! | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
You're wasting your time. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:35 | |
Put your bayonet away before you hurt someone. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:38 | |
But it's a rat, sir. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:39 | |
Yes, I'm familiar with the species, Dodd. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
We've encountered one or two since we've been in Ypres. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
Ypres, sir? | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
It's what the Belgians call Wipers. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
Oh right, sir. Funny lot, the Belgians. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
It's like the Napoo Rum they got over here, sir. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
Never seem to get any. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
Napoo it's from the French, Dodd. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
"Il n'y en a plus". There is no more. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
Well, why don't they just say that then, sir? | 0:05:00 | 0:05:04 | |
Nothing here, Captain. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:05 | |
Napoo salvage, sir. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:08 | |
Very good, Dodd. We'll make a sapper of you yet. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:11 | |
Quickly. Quick. Come on, lads. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
BOMB FALLING | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
BOMBS EXPLODE | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
BOMB EXPLODES OUTSIDE | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
Find me something, lads. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
Look what we have here, sir! Boxes of paper. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
Excellent. Exactly what we're looking for to reinforce trench 132. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
-Really, sir? -Er no, Dodd. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
I'm afraid you'll find when you've been out here for a while that | 0:05:42 | 0:05:45 | |
paper doesn't offer much protection against crumps and whizz-bangs. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:48 | |
Unless you're a red hat in HQ with a cushy job, then the paper | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
stops you getting anywhere near the shooting gallery at all. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:53 | |
Your cynicism could become wearying, Lieutenant Pearson | 0:05:53 | 0:05:57 | |
except fortunately I find it quite amusing. | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
Some tarpaulin here, sir. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
Well, that might be useful. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:02 | |
Blimey. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:07 | |
Now what the bloody hell is that? | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
That, Smith, is an Arab. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
I'm not stupid, Sar'nt. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
The Arab is an Anglo-American hand-fed platen press. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:20 | |
It's probably the finest in the world. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
It's a manual, pedal-operated printing machine | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
patented in 1872 by Josiah Wade. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
Manufactured in Halifax, | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
subsequently sold all over the world. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
In short, it's a work of art. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:34 | |
So, shall we smash it up? | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
No. Stupid, Dodd. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:38 | |
Look, it's even got the blocks and the trays of type. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:41 | |
Go on, stick that over there, Smith. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:43 | |
How on earth do you know all this, Harris? | 0:06:45 | 0:06:47 | |
I was a printer in civvy street, sir. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
Good grief. You kept quiet about that. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:52 | |
Well, it didn't seem relevant to fighting Fritz, sir. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:55 | |
No. But it might be now. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:59 | |
Can you make this work? | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
Well, I mean, she's not been used for a while. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:06 | |
The type's all over the countryside. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:09 | |
There's a few unwelcome visitors. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
But give it a bit of time, reckon so, sir. Yes, sir. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:16 | |
How's it work then, Sar'nt? | 0:07:16 | 0:07:18 | |
Well, you stick the ink on that plate there. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:22 | |
And the rollers come down onto the block there. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:25 | |
Paper goes in there. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:26 | |
Don't touch it. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
Very interesting. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
What are we going to do with it? | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
We're going to borrow it. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
Isn't that looting? | 0:07:34 | 0:07:35 | |
No, no. It's temporary requisitioning of civilian | 0:07:35 | 0:07:40 | |
facilities for military purposes. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
Oh, right. Sounds like looting. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:45 | |
Have you ever done any journalism, Pearson? | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
-Good God, no! -Excellent. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:49 | |
Me neither. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:50 | |
Because what we're going to do, is we're going to produce a newspaper. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:54 | |
-Aren't we, Sergeant? -If you say so, sir. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
What, like the Daily Mail? | 0:07:56 | 0:07:58 | |
I was thinking something rather more accurate. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:02 | |
The Times? | 0:08:02 | 0:08:03 | |
The Wipers Times. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:06 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:08:08 | 0:08:09 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:08:12 | 0:08:14 | |
Move it, lads! Move it! | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
We've got plenty of ink, plenty of paper. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
In fact, according to Harris, | 0:08:32 | 0:08:34 | |
the only thing we seem to be lacking is "copy". | 0:08:34 | 0:08:37 | |
Uh-huh. None of us is writing men. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
We haven't done any journalism. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
There's a first time for everything. It can't be that hard. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
I think we should aim to produce something a bit like Punch, | 0:08:44 | 0:08:48 | |
-except with jokes. -Mm-hm. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:50 | |
So what are we actually going to write about? | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
EXPLOSION | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
Damn you, Fritz. I can't hear myself think. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
Put on The Bing Boys would you, Jack? | 0:08:56 | 0:08:58 | |
So will The Wipers Times address the big questions of the war? | 0:09:02 | 0:09:06 | |
-Certainly. -And how will we do that? | 0:09:06 | 0:09:10 | |
I suggest we do so just by writing down any old thing that | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
comes into our heads. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:14 | |
Trial page proof, sir. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:17 | |
Looks pretty good, I must say myself. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
Who do I show it to, sir? Who's the editor? | 0:09:19 | 0:09:22 | |
Well, as senior officer, I am, of course, the editor. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:26 | |
I will need a sub-editor. Any volunteers? Jack? | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
-Ugh. -Bad grammar is simply something I will not put up with. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:33 | |
Up with which you simply will not put. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
All right, Jack, the job's yours. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:37 | |
Only drawback, sir, is that we're short of Ys and Es. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:42 | |
Well, it's just as well we're not based anywhere called Ypres then. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
-Ah. -Now, sir, what about some copy? | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
Dammit, Harris, haven't you heard of writer's block? | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
Only every day, sir, come deadline time for the newspaper. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
Very well, Harris. But you are very annoying. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
Very good, sir. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
You know he's right, Fred. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
Et tu, Pearson? | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
I'm going to hold this pencil... | 0:10:07 | 0:10:10 | |
and see what happens. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:11 | |
Something's bound to turn up. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
You are an incorrigible optimist. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
Optimism. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:20 | |
Well, there's a dangerous thing... | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
particularly in a war. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
Do you suffer from optimism? | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
Men! Do you suffer from optimism, | 0:10:27 | 0:10:30 | |
but fail to recognise the tell-tale signs? | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
Many do. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:34 | |
Is it serious, Doctor? | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
I just need you to answer a few simple questions. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
Do you sometimes wake up in the morning feeling that all is | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
going well for the Allies? | 0:10:42 | 0:10:43 | |
Yes, Doctor. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:45 | |
Do you sometimes think that the war will be over, | 0:10:45 | 0:10:47 | |
within the next 12 months? | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
Absolutely, Doctor. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
Do you consider that our leaders are competent to conduct the war | 0:10:51 | 0:10:54 | |
to a successful issue? | 0:10:54 | 0:10:55 | |
I should say so, Doctor. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:57 | |
Oh, dear. This is the worst case of cheerfulness I've encountered. | 0:10:57 | 0:11:01 | |
-Oh, Good. -No. It's terrible. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
But don't worry. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:05 | |
I promise I can cure you of optimism within two days | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
and effectively eradicate all traces of it from your system. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:11 | |
Really, Doctor? And how are you going to do that? | 0:11:11 | 0:11:14 | |
I'm writing something for you now, which should do the trick. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:17 | |
Is it a prescription, Doctor? | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
No. It's your orders. I'm sending you to the front line. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:23 | |
Thank you, Doctor. BOMB FALLING | 0:11:23 | 0:11:26 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
Not sure about this piece about optimism. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:34 | |
Are you questioning the judgment of a superior officer? | 0:11:34 | 0:11:37 | |
-Er, yes. -Good. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:38 | |
So as a superior officer, of course, I shall ignore you. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:41 | |
Seriously, do you not think it's gone a little bit too far? | 0:11:41 | 0:11:45 | |
How can you accuse me of going too far - when the entire | 0:11:45 | 0:11:47 | |
24th Division has gone precisely ten yards in the last six months? | 0:11:47 | 0:11:50 | |
-And that was sideways. -I'm just saying we have to be careful. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:53 | |
Yes, I guess you are right. We must be responsible. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:57 | |
As will be made clear in my editorial. | 0:11:57 | 0:12:00 | |
You haven't written an editorial. | 0:12:00 | 0:12:02 | |
-How's your shorthand? -Non-existent. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:04 | |
Good. Take this down. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:05 | |
-Mm-hm? -Editorial. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:12 | |
Hmm, excellent. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:14 | |
Having managed to pick up a printing press, slightly soiled, | 0:12:16 | 0:12:22 | |
at a very reasonable price, | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
we have decided to produce a paper. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:28 | |
There is much we would like to say in it, | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
but the shadows of censorship enveloping us, | 0:12:30 | 0:12:35 | |
cause us to refer to the war that we hear is taking place in Europe... | 0:12:35 | 0:12:41 | |
-Careful. -..in a cautious manner. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
We apologise for any shortcomings in production of our paper... | 0:12:45 | 0:12:49 | |
..on account of... | 0:12:51 | 0:12:52 | |
Editorial inexperience? | 0:12:55 | 0:12:56 | |
Quite so. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
We hope to publish The Times weekly, | 0:12:58 | 0:13:00 | |
despite the attentions of Messrs Hun and co. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:04 | |
-Our local rivals. -Excellent! | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
And we take this opportunity of stating that we accept | 0:13:06 | 0:13:10 | |
-no responsibility for the views expressed. -We? | 0:13:10 | 0:13:12 | |
Yes. And we disassociate ourselves from any | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
statements in the advertisements. | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
Well, that bit's true. There are no advertisements. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
No? Why Not? | 0:13:20 | 0:13:21 | |
There's a problem with potential advertisers such as theatres, | 0:13:21 | 0:13:26 | |
restaurants, hotels, small businesses et cetera... | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
Well, what's the problem? | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
There aren't any. They've all been blown to buggery. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
Is that anywhere near Poperinghe? | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
No, it's not. And you didn't hear that, Sergeant, did you? | 0:13:34 | 0:13:38 | |
No, sir, but it was most amusing. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
Harris, you're our expert. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:42 | |
We can't be a proper newspaper without advertisements, can we? | 0:13:42 | 0:13:45 | |
No, sir, that's what the front page is for. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:48 | |
So what do we do? | 0:13:48 | 0:13:49 | |
Taxi! Taxi! I say, Taxi! | 0:14:18 | 0:14:22 | |
'Are you having trouble getting home? | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
'Not any more, with our fleet of handsomely-appointed taxicabs.' | 0:14:26 | 0:14:30 | |
But how will I recognise your taxis? | 0:14:30 | 0:14:33 | |
'Easy, they have a red cross painted on each side.' | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
'Is your friend a soldier? | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
'Do you know what he wants? No? We do. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:54 | |
'Send him one of our latest improved combination umbrella | 0:14:54 | 0:14:56 | |
'and wire cutter. | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
'No more nasty colds caught when cutting the wire. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
'He will be absolutely delighted with the combination umbrella | 0:15:01 | 0:15:05 | |
'and wire cutter. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:06 | |
'Just 15 francs. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
'Quite right, Miss. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:09 | |
'Now you can rest assured your soldier friend will stay fit | 0:15:09 | 0:15:13 | |
'and healthy out in no man's land.' | 0:15:13 | 0:15:15 | |
'Calling all harassed subalterns.' | 0:15:22 | 0:15:25 | |
Who? Me? | 0:15:25 | 0:15:26 | |
'Yes, you. Is your life miserable? | 0:15:26 | 0:15:30 | |
-'Do you hate your company commander?' -Uh. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
'Of course you do. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:34 | |
'Then why not buy him one of our patent "tip me up" duckboards?' | 0:15:34 | 0:15:38 | |
But how does the "tip me up" duckboard work? | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
'You just get your company commander on the end... | 0:15:42 | 0:15:45 | |
'and the duckboard does the rest. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
'Every time a blighty! | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
'That's our promise. Remember... | 0:15:53 | 0:15:56 | |
'if once he steps onto the end, | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
'to take a month his face to mend.' | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
Thank you, "tip me up" duckboard. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:04 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
Excellent work, Sergeant. When can we roll the pressers? | 0:16:08 | 0:16:11 | |
Soon as it eases off a bit, sir. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:12 | |
Surely you're not bothered by a spot of rain? | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
No. It's more the bombardment, sir. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:17 | |
Fritz is getting a bit too close to the print room to be pleasant. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:20 | |
Well, when Herman knocks off for his evening sausage let's print | 0:16:20 | 0:16:23 | |
the blighter. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
Everything all right? I'm fine, Sar'nt. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:30 | |
Not you, the print blocks. Get in there. | 0:16:30 | 0:16:33 | |
Don't get your hand caught in the plate, Dodd. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:46 | |
Or you'll come a cropper. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:47 | |
A phrase, incidentally, | 0:16:50 | 0:16:51 | |
derived from the printing presses of HS Cropper. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
-Do you know that? -That's very interesting, Sar'nt. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:56 | |
As is the phrase "mind your Ps and Qs". | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
It comes from a common mistaking of the P for the Q in a tray of type. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:03 | |
That's even more interesting, Sar'nt. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:05 | |
Whereas, the expression "get the wrong end of the stick", | 0:17:05 | 0:17:08 | |
that comes from grabbing the wrong end of the compositing stick | 0:17:08 | 0:17:11 | |
and getting your hand covered in ink. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:12 | |
-It means thinking you're being interesting when really... -Yes, Henderson? | 0:17:12 | 0:17:16 | |
Very, very interesting indeed, Sar'nt. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:19 | |
Correct. | 0:17:19 | 0:17:20 | |
Right, here we go. Grab it, Smith. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:27 | |
There it is, Sar'nt. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:28 | |
Now, the result, if I say it myself, is a thing of beauty. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
Unlike any of you lot. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:36 | |
MEN CHUCKLE | 0:17:48 | 0:17:51 | |
Oi, Bill, this Wipers Times does what it says! | 0:18:18 | 0:18:21 | |
Have you seen this poppycock, sir? | 0:18:31 | 0:18:34 | |
Yes, I have. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:35 | |
It's downright insubordination. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
That's maybe why the men seem to like it. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
The men also like the ladies of the Poperinghe Fancies. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:43 | |
Neither are exactly conducive to winning the war. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
Really? Have you seen the ladies of the Poperinghe Fancies? | 0:18:45 | 0:18:49 | |
Of course not! | 0:18:49 | 0:18:50 | |
I think they're doing their bit. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:51 | |
Jolly, buxom girls. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
They can't sing, they can't dance, but... | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
no-one seems to care, particularly. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
I believe the chaps call them glycerine and Vaseline. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:02 | |
-No idea why. -We're getting off the point here, sir. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
Which is surely that some of the material in this publication | 0:19:05 | 0:19:08 | |
is not merely unsuitable, it's downright treasonable. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:11 | |
Like what, in particular? | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
Like this. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:14 | |
Oh. Answers to correspondence. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:19 | |
Whoever wrote this should be court-martialed. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
Like this item advising young officers not to wear turned-up | 0:19:22 | 0:19:25 | |
slacks or shoes when going over the top? | 0:19:25 | 0:19:28 | |
-What? -Lovely, sound advice. | 0:19:28 | 0:19:30 | |
A chap wearing turned-up slacks on the battlefield not only | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
looks a bloody fool, | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
but he advertises the fact he's an officer to any half-awake sniper. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
No, no, no. That is not the offending article. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
I'm referring to this response | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
to a supposed query from a junior officer. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:47 | |
"Dear Subaltern. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:48 | |
"No. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:49 | |
"The death penalty is not enforced | 0:19:49 | 0:19:51 | |
"in the case of murdering a senior officer, | 0:19:51 | 0:19:54 | |
"as you will always be able to claim extenuating circumstances." | 0:19:54 | 0:19:58 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:19:58 | 0:19:59 | |
That's a joke. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:03 | |
It's an incitement to mutiny, I'll have him shot. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
Not if he shoots you first. | 0:20:06 | 0:20:07 | |
That's also a joke. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
The war is not funny, sir. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:14 | |
I think the authors are aware of that. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
I have a feeling that may be the point. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:18 | |
I mean... | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
It's not all cocking a snook at the general staff, although... | 0:20:22 | 0:20:26 | |
..quite a bit of it is. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
I mean, some bits are deadly serious - words from the heart. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
Such as? | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
"People we take our hats off to - The French at Verdun, | 0:20:34 | 0:20:36 | |
"the British Navy at Jutland, | 0:20:36 | 0:20:38 | |
"and the Canadians at Ypres." | 0:20:38 | 0:20:40 | |
Saluting our fallen comrades is hardly sedition, is it? | 0:20:40 | 0:20:44 | |
They also take their hats off to the officer in charge | 0:20:44 | 0:20:47 | |
of the costume department of the Poperinghe Fancies. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:51 | |
They are just a gang of backchat comedians deliberately | 0:20:51 | 0:20:53 | |
undermining morale with this impertinent, unpatriotic rag. | 0:20:53 | 0:20:57 | |
Could you think of anything more likely to produce discontent amongst the men? | 0:20:57 | 0:21:01 | |
Yes. Banning it. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:03 | |
-Put your back into it, Henderson. -Sir. | 0:21:22 | 0:21:25 | |
Sergeant, we're running out of timber. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:27 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:21:27 | 0:21:31 | |
Go see if you can borrow something from the communications line. | 0:21:31 | 0:21:34 | |
Henderson. Barnes. You work on the parapets. | 0:21:34 | 0:21:38 | |
Yes, sir. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:39 | |
Keep down, Barnesy, unless you want sniper taking your head off. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:44 | |
Smith. Dodd. Start on the supports. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:50 | |
Do I have to work with Dodd, sir? | 0:21:50 | 0:21:51 | |
Yes, you do. Poor Dodd drew the short straw. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
Now get on with it, Smith. | 0:21:53 | 0:21:54 | |
What's the plan? | 0:21:54 | 0:21:56 | |
What I think we should do, Jack... | 0:21:56 | 0:21:57 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:21:57 | 0:21:59 | |
Up the cover price, get in some new writers and cut down on the poetry. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:03 | |
-You don't think you might be getting rather obsessed with the paper? -Don't be ridiculous. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:06 | |
I'm a model commanding officer executing my duties | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
in exemplary fashion. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:10 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:22:10 | 0:22:12 | |
What do you think of the poetry? | 0:22:14 | 0:22:16 | |
I think poetry's essential in the modern battlefield. A bit like mud. | 0:22:16 | 0:22:21 | |
If only it were just mud. | 0:22:21 | 0:22:23 | |
Yes. Perhaps, better not dwell on the...unmentionables. | 0:22:23 | 0:22:29 | |
Better left unsaid. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:30 | |
That's why I'd rather think about the paper. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:36 | |
It's important to me because it's not important. | 0:22:36 | 0:22:39 | |
Oh, dear. You're getting aphoristic. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
Am I? Apologies. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:43 | |
So what are we thinking? | 0:22:45 | 0:22:46 | |
I think we should crack out another couple of issues. | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
And if it keeps going this well, try and sell it back home. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
You're getting obsessed. | 0:22:52 | 0:22:53 | |
MEN SING | 0:22:53 | 0:22:55 | |
Listen. Listen, Fritz is in fine voice. | 0:22:55 | 0:22:59 | |
What are they singing, sir? Sounds like an hymn, sir. | 0:23:03 | 0:23:07 | |
It is. | 0:23:07 | 0:23:08 | |
It's called the Hymn Of Hate. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
It goes something like this... | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
You we will hate with a lasting hate. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:16 | |
We will never forego our hate. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:20 | |
Hate by water and hate by land. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:25 | |
Hate of the head and hate of the hand. | 0:23:25 | 0:23:28 | |
Hate of the hammer, hate of the crown. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:33 | |
Hate of 70 millions choking down. | 0:23:34 | 0:23:37 | |
We love as one. We hate as one. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
We have one foe and one alone. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:46 | |
# Eng-er-land. # | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
-MEN SING: -Eng-er-land. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:50 | |
That's not very nice is it, sir? | 0:23:50 | 0:23:52 | |
Spot-on, Dodd. | 0:23:52 | 0:23:53 | |
We don't have any songs like that, do we, sir? | 0:23:53 | 0:23:55 | |
No, we don't and if we did they'd certainly be a lot funnier. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:58 | |
The Wipers Times should put that right, sir. | 0:23:58 | 0:24:00 | |
Good idea, Dodd. | 0:24:00 | 0:24:03 | |
Since Dodd has joined the editorial conference, | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
I propose we take his excellent suggestion on board | 0:24:05 | 0:24:08 | |
and include something suitably melodious in the issue. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
What do you have in mind? | 0:24:11 | 0:24:12 | |
We all love the music hall, sir! | 0:24:14 | 0:24:15 | |
MEN CHEER | 0:24:19 | 0:24:20 | |
Ladies and gentlemen! | 0:24:22 | 0:24:26 | |
Welcome to the Cloth Hall at Ypres. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:30 | |
Best ventilated hall in the town. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:34 | |
Tonight, for your delectation, | 0:24:34 | 0:24:37 | |
we proudly present positively the greatest | 0:24:37 | 0:24:40 | |
collection of performers ever collected in one place at one time. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:45 | |
Yes, it's Mr Thomas Atkins And Co in their stupendous new revue, | 0:24:45 | 0:24:51 | |
The Big Bangs Are Here. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
-MEN: -Oooh! | 0:24:53 | 0:24:56 | |
With music by Mr R Tillery. | 0:24:56 | 0:24:58 | |
And not to mention Mrs Miniworther, | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
who always meets with a thunderous reception. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
And not forgetting Bouncing Bertha, who's only 17 inches high... | 0:25:07 | 0:25:11 | |
..but is guaranteed to bring the house down. | 0:25:12 | 0:25:15 | |
And, there's more, with Hind and Berg, sword swallowers... | 0:25:16 | 0:25:22 | |
and nail eaters. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
MEN BOO | 0:25:24 | 0:25:25 | |
And introducing the world's favourite comedian, Kaiser Bill... | 0:25:25 | 0:25:30 | |
..and his little Willie. MEN LAUGH | 0:25:31 | 0:25:34 | |
That's the crown prince I'm talking about. | 0:25:34 | 0:25:36 | |
Thank you. But I promised you a song and a song you shall have. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:41 | |
A pleasing patriotic performance from our very own privates - | 0:25:41 | 0:25:45 | |
The Atkins brothers - Thomas and Tommy. | 0:25:45 | 0:25:49 | |
# I heard the bugles calling | 0:25:51 | 0:25:56 | |
# Join up, I felt I must | 0:25:56 | 0:26:00 | |
# Now I wish I'd left them bugles go on blowing till they bust. # | 0:26:00 | 0:26:04 | |
MEN CHEER | 0:26:04 | 0:26:05 | |
Yes, this show is going to run, and run and run and run... | 0:26:08 | 0:26:13 | |
-Dodd, did you go swimming? -Give its a rest, Smithy I was switching patrols. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:18 | |
As you were, Smith. | 0:26:18 | 0:26:19 | |
MUSIC HALL STYLE-MUSIC | 0:26:23 | 0:26:26 | |
Great news, Fred, apparently the war will be over within the week. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:30 | |
Says who? | 0:26:32 | 0:26:33 | |
Says Hilaire Belloc. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:35 | |
Didn't he say the war was going to be over within the week last week? | 0:26:36 | 0:26:40 | |
I rather think he did. | 0:26:40 | 0:26:41 | |
And the week before. | 0:26:41 | 0:26:43 | |
Now you're just jealous cos we don't have a war expert of our own. | 0:26:43 | 0:26:46 | |
Somebody who really knows what's going on. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:49 | |
Yes, you're right. Perhaps we should employ our own Hilary Belloc. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:53 | |
What about Belary Helloc? I hear he's very well informed. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:59 | |
Really? | 0:26:59 | 0:27:01 | |
So what is Mr Helloc's latest take on the war? | 0:27:01 | 0:27:06 | |
Good evening. | 0:27:06 | 0:27:07 | |
I'm the famous Belary Helloc and tonight my subject is | 0:27:07 | 0:27:10 | |
"why we are going to win the war." | 0:27:10 | 0:27:12 | |
Everything points to a speedy disintegration of the enemy. | 0:27:12 | 0:27:16 | |
So let's just have a look at the figures. | 0:27:16 | 0:27:18 | |
There are 12 million fighting men in Germany. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:23 | |
Of these, nine million are already killed, | 0:27:23 | 0:27:27 | |
or are being killed as we speak. | 0:27:27 | 0:27:29 | |
Leaving just three million. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:31 | |
Of these 2,500,000 are temperamentally | 0:27:32 | 0:27:35 | |
unsuitable for fighting owing to obesity, due to eating sausages. | 0:27:35 | 0:27:39 | |
This leaves us just 500,000 as the full German strength. | 0:27:39 | 0:27:45 | |
Now, of these, 497,250 are suffering from incurable diseases. | 0:27:45 | 0:27:53 | |
And I think we know which ones. | 0:27:53 | 0:27:55 | |
Leaving just 2,750 men. | 0:27:55 | 0:27:59 | |
Of these, 2,150 are on the Eastern Front. | 0:27:59 | 0:28:03 | |
And of the remaining 600, we see that 584 are generals and staff. | 0:28:03 | 0:28:09 | |
Thus we find, that there are in fact just... | 0:28:09 | 0:28:12 | |
..16 men on the Western Front. | 0:28:15 | 0:28:17 | |
Clearly not enough to resist one final big push, or maybe two, | 0:28:17 | 0:28:22 | |
or three - four at the very most. | 0:28:22 | 0:28:25 | |
And that is why we are going to win the war. | 0:28:25 | 0:28:28 | |
If we haven't already by the time you've heard this. | 0:28:28 | 0:28:31 | |
-Letters for you, sir. -Thank you, Henderson. | 0:28:36 | 0:28:38 | |
Thank you. | 0:28:40 | 0:28:41 | |
Ah, news from the home front. | 0:28:44 | 0:28:48 | |
Has my wife been raising money for noble causes, | 0:28:50 | 0:28:54 | |
such as providing warm woollens for war-worn Walloons? | 0:28:54 | 0:29:01 | |
Is mine selling flags for blue body belts for bucolic Belgians? | 0:29:01 | 0:29:05 | |
Touche. | 0:29:05 | 0:29:06 | |
Always a bit of a mixed blessing, isn't it, a letter from home? | 0:29:11 | 0:29:14 | |
A reminder of a land where gascons, | 0:29:14 | 0:29:17 | |
whizz-bangs and mein und verfers are not allowed. | 0:29:17 | 0:29:21 | |
Good heavens - my wife has sent me a clipping from the Tatler. | 0:29:21 | 0:29:25 | |
We've been mentioned in Dispatches! | 0:29:26 | 0:29:28 | |
What? Fame at last? | 0:29:28 | 0:29:30 | |
What did they say? | 0:29:30 | 0:29:33 | |
"We hear news from the front of an amusing periodical designed | 0:29:33 | 0:29:36 | |
"to entertain the troops. | 0:29:36 | 0:29:38 | |
"It is entitled The Wipers Times after the town of Ypres | 0:29:38 | 0:29:43 | |
"where its enterprising creators are currently quartered. | 0:29:43 | 0:29:46 | |
"So, we salute the anonymous wits of the 6th Division..." | 0:29:46 | 0:29:52 | |
We're the 24th Division. | 0:29:52 | 0:29:53 | |
Nincompoops. | 0:29:53 | 0:29:55 | |
Ah dear. Appears we're not to be famous after all. | 0:29:55 | 0:29:59 | |
Oh, damn journalists, can't they get anything right? | 0:29:59 | 0:30:02 | |
Is that a rhetorical question? PHONE RINGS | 0:30:02 | 0:30:06 | |
It's Lieutenant Colonel Howfield's ADC, sir. | 0:30:06 | 0:30:09 | |
Little bobbing Bobby. | 0:30:09 | 0:30:11 | |
The one who has little red star flashes on his jim-jams? | 0:30:11 | 0:30:14 | |
Captain, how can I help? | 0:30:20 | 0:30:22 | |
Of course. Yes. | 0:30:23 | 0:30:24 | |
Looking forward to it, sir. | 0:30:25 | 0:30:27 | |
-Thank you, Smith. -Sir. | 0:30:27 | 0:30:29 | |
Lieutenant Colonel Howfield has granted us | 0:30:33 | 0:30:36 | |
the privilege of a full inspection. | 0:30:36 | 0:30:39 | |
When? | 0:30:39 | 0:30:41 | |
Now. Initiate "Operation Panic". | 0:30:41 | 0:30:44 | |
Where is that "tip me up" duckboard when you need it? | 0:30:47 | 0:30:49 | |
We under attack, sir? | 0:30:49 | 0:30:50 | |
Quite the reverse. We've got an inspection by the Divisional Staff, | 0:30:50 | 0:30:53 | |
which means for as long as they're here, there won't be any action at all. | 0:30:53 | 0:30:57 | |
Not even our artillery would open fire when there's a brass hat down here. | 0:30:57 | 0:31:00 | |
Henderson, Dodd, shift these trays. Put them under the books. | 0:31:00 | 0:31:04 | |
Barnesy, get hold of this. | 0:31:04 | 0:31:06 | |
To say an old adage - | 0:31:06 | 0:31:07 | |
war is long periods of boredom punctuated by sheer terror. | 0:31:07 | 0:31:11 | |
-Sir. -At ease, Roberts. | 0:31:16 | 0:31:17 | |
Hope I'm not interrupting anything. | 0:31:19 | 0:31:21 | |
-No, sir. -Well, I should be, shouldn't I? | 0:31:21 | 0:31:24 | |
Boche obviously not keeping you occupied, and vice versa. | 0:31:24 | 0:31:28 | |
You've got time on your hands, Roberts, | 0:31:28 | 0:31:31 | |
and time is the soldier's greatest enemy. | 0:31:31 | 0:31:35 | |
-Isn't it, Booby? -Yes, sir. | 0:31:35 | 0:31:37 | |
Apart from the gas and the flamethrowers. | 0:31:37 | 0:31:39 | |
So, are your boys fit, Roberts? | 0:31:39 | 0:31:42 | |
As a fiddle, sir. | 0:31:42 | 0:31:43 | |
Because the men have got to be fit for the big push. | 0:31:43 | 0:31:46 | |
What about you, Roberts? | 0:31:47 | 0:31:49 | |
Keeping busy? | 0:31:49 | 0:31:50 | |
As a bee, sir. | 0:31:51 | 0:31:53 | |
So no distractions? Finding things to do? | 0:31:53 | 0:31:57 | |
Yes, sir. | 0:31:58 | 0:32:00 | |
Doing our best to make a little cover for the lads | 0:32:00 | 0:32:02 | |
who are hanging onto the remnants of Belgium in the teeth of every | 0:32:02 | 0:32:05 | |
disadvantage, discomfort and peril. Sir. | 0:32:05 | 0:32:09 | |
So not too much "paperwork", then? | 0:32:09 | 0:32:12 | |
Not at all, sir. | 0:32:14 | 0:32:16 | |
That's good to hear, isn't it, Bobby? | 0:32:18 | 0:32:20 | |
Yes, sir. | 0:32:20 | 0:32:21 | |
Because the problem with the whole damn line is inaction. | 0:32:21 | 0:32:26 | |
We're getting bogged down in a mire of defensive passivity. | 0:32:26 | 0:32:29 | |
There's no forward movement. | 0:32:29 | 0:32:31 | |
No sorties, no raiding parties, no mining activity. | 0:32:31 | 0:32:35 | |
You're right, sir. It's almost as if we were...entrenched. | 0:32:35 | 0:32:40 | |
Quite so. | 0:32:42 | 0:32:44 | |
And the question you have to ask yourself, and you, | 0:32:44 | 0:32:47 | |
particularly, as commander, Roberts, is are you being offensive enough? | 0:32:47 | 0:32:53 | |
I'm not sure, sir. | 0:32:56 | 0:32:58 | |
Are we being offensive enough? Pearson? | 0:33:01 | 0:33:04 | |
No, sir. I... | 0:33:06 | 0:33:07 | |
I think we could be a lot more offensive. | 0:33:09 | 0:33:11 | |
Good man, Pearson. | 0:33:11 | 0:33:13 | |
So from now on, you're going to be a lot more offensive. | 0:33:13 | 0:33:18 | |
You hear that, men? | 0:33:19 | 0:33:20 | |
From now on, we are all going to be as offensive as possible. | 0:33:21 | 0:33:27 | |
MEN SNIGGER | 0:33:27 | 0:33:29 | |
Very good, Roberts. | 0:33:29 | 0:33:31 | |
Isn't it, Bobby? | 0:33:31 | 0:33:33 | |
I'm not altogether sure, sir. | 0:33:33 | 0:33:35 | |
BOMBS EXPLODE | 0:33:41 | 0:33:42 | |
You heard the colonel, we must attack something. | 0:33:42 | 0:33:46 | |
How about...stupid moustaches? | 0:33:48 | 0:33:50 | |
Good idea. far too many of them around. | 0:33:52 | 0:33:56 | |
I blame Charlie Chaplin. | 0:33:56 | 0:33:58 | |
BOMB EXPLODES OUTSIDE | 0:34:01 | 0:34:04 | |
I say, that was a bit friendly. | 0:34:04 | 0:34:07 | |
Put the gramophone on, would you? | 0:34:07 | 0:34:09 | |
BOMB EXPLODES OUTSIDE | 0:34:13 | 0:34:16 | |
MUSIC HALL-STYLE MUSIC | 0:34:22 | 0:34:26 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:34:26 | 0:34:28 | |
-Well saved. -No... | 0:34:28 | 0:34:31 | |
-It's not enough. Have to play the piano. -Oh, dear. | 0:34:31 | 0:34:35 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:34:37 | 0:34:39 | |
# There are various types of courage there are many kinds of fear | 0:34:59 | 0:35:03 | |
# There are many brands of whisky there are many makes of beer | 0:35:03 | 0:35:06 | |
# There is also rum which sometimes in our need can help us much | 0:35:06 | 0:35:11 | |
# But 'tis whisky, whisky, whisky hands the courage which is Dutch... # | 0:35:11 | 0:35:15 | |
# There are various types of courage there are many kinds of fear | 0:35:26 | 0:35:29 | |
# There are many brands of whisky there are many makes of beer | 0:35:29 | 0:35:33 | |
# There is also rum which sometimes in our need can help us much | 0:35:33 | 0:35:38 | |
# But 'tis whisky, whisky, whisky hands the courage which is Dutch. # | 0:35:38 | 0:35:42 | |
Bad news, sir. We've had a direct hit. | 0:35:42 | 0:35:45 | |
Bloody Boche. Excuse my French, sir. | 0:35:55 | 0:35:58 | |
French excused, Sergeant. | 0:35:58 | 0:36:01 | |
Is there nothing that can be done? | 0:36:01 | 0:36:04 | |
I think it's finished, sir. | 0:36:04 | 0:36:06 | |
It's the end of The Wipers Times. | 0:36:06 | 0:36:08 | |
It was good while it lasted, Fred. | 0:36:10 | 0:36:14 | |
I've tried, throughout this war, | 0:36:14 | 0:36:17 | |
to maintain my sense of humour. | 0:36:17 | 0:36:20 | |
But now I'm really unamused. | 0:36:22 | 0:36:27 | |
MEN GRUMBLE AND LAUGH | 0:36:36 | 0:36:40 | |
What are you men so happy about? | 0:36:44 | 0:36:46 | |
Captain Roberts. He's on grand form tonight, sir. | 0:36:46 | 0:36:50 | |
What do you mean? | 0:36:50 | 0:36:51 | |
-Well, the orders that he gave the men were not strictly according to the drill manual. -Really? | 0:36:51 | 0:36:56 | |
Yes, sir. He said, "Fall in, you blank, blank, blank, blank. | 0:36:56 | 0:37:00 | |
"We're going up the blanking line and if we see any blanking Boche, | 0:37:00 | 0:37:03 | |
"we're going to shove their blanking bombs up their blanking...shirts." | 0:37:03 | 0:37:08 | |
-Did he actually say shirts, Dodd? -No, sir. | 0:37:08 | 0:37:12 | |
You'll have to excuse Captain Roberts. | 0:37:12 | 0:37:14 | |
I'm afraid he's taken the loss of the printer somewhat badly. | 0:37:14 | 0:37:17 | |
Sir. | 0:37:17 | 0:37:18 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:37:20 | 0:37:22 | |
At least the old girl has been put to some use. | 0:37:26 | 0:37:29 | |
A distinguished end to her literary career. | 0:37:29 | 0:37:32 | |
Part of a transverse wall of C4 trench number six post. | 0:37:32 | 0:37:36 | |
Men and party coming through. | 0:37:36 | 0:37:38 | |
Well, I assumed it wasn't a delegation from the general staff. | 0:37:38 | 0:37:43 | |
You wouldn't find them at this end of the muddy stick. | 0:37:43 | 0:37:46 | |
You must be, Roberts. | 0:37:46 | 0:37:47 | |
-Sir. -I hear you're quite the thorn in the red hats' backsides. | 0:37:47 | 0:37:51 | |
-Good man. -BOMB EXPLODES | 0:37:51 | 0:37:53 | |
-Off we go, boys. -Good luck, Colonel. | 0:37:53 | 0:37:56 | |
Who was that? | 0:38:02 | 0:38:04 | |
Commanding officer of the Royal Scots Fusiliers. | 0:38:04 | 0:38:06 | |
Why was he wearing a French tin hat? | 0:38:06 | 0:38:08 | |
A bit of a personality, somewhat eccentric. | 0:38:08 | 0:38:11 | |
Always suggesting the top brass come down to the front | 0:38:11 | 0:38:14 | |
and get a taste of the action. | 0:38:14 | 0:38:15 | |
He won't last long, will he? What's his name? | 0:38:15 | 0:38:17 | |
Name's Churchill. | 0:38:17 | 0:38:18 | |
Heard a rumour, sir. | 0:38:19 | 0:38:21 | |
Don't tell me, the Kaiser has been | 0:38:21 | 0:38:23 | |
arrested by Field Marshal Hindenburg and shot as a spy? | 0:38:23 | 0:38:27 | |
Not exactly, sir, no. | 0:38:27 | 0:38:28 | |
It's a friend of a friend of a friend, has told me... | 0:38:28 | 0:38:31 | |
-BOMB EXPLODES -He happens to know the whereabouts of a lovely little hand-jigger. | 0:38:31 | 0:38:35 | |
Speak English, Sergeant. | 0:38:35 | 0:38:36 | |
It's a printing press, sir. And word has it there's a lot more type. | 0:38:36 | 0:38:40 | |
Priceless, Sergeant. | 0:38:40 | 0:38:42 | |
Only drawback, sir, is its current location. | 0:38:42 | 0:38:44 | |
-Which is where? -Hellfire Corner. | 0:38:44 | 0:38:46 | |
Oh, dear. That's the Hellfire Corner, the most dangerous place on the Salient. | 0:38:46 | 0:38:50 | |
Hottest place in the world, sir. | 0:38:50 | 0:38:52 | |
Where life expectancy is about, what? 60 seconds? | 0:38:52 | 0:38:55 | |
If that, sir. | 0:38:55 | 0:38:57 | |
Well, it would be an | 0:38:57 | 0:38:59 | |
act of pure folly to risk lives rescuing a printing press. | 0:38:59 | 0:39:03 | |
So no sensible commanding officer could possibly sanction it, | 0:39:03 | 0:39:05 | |
is that clear? | 0:39:05 | 0:39:07 | |
Very clear, sir. | 0:39:07 | 0:39:08 | |
Good luck, Sergeant. | 0:39:09 | 0:39:10 | |
GUNFIRE AND EXPLOSIONS | 0:39:11 | 0:39:13 | |
-Why do they call it Hellfire Corner, Sar'nt? -Why do you think, Dodd? | 0:39:13 | 0:39:17 | |
-Dodd doesn't think! -Shut up, Smithy, before Fritz shuts you up for good. | 0:39:17 | 0:39:21 | |
This bloody thing weighs a ton. | 0:39:21 | 0:39:23 | |
If you drop it you'll find out about hellfire from me. | 0:39:23 | 0:39:25 | |
Now run, you bugger! | 0:39:25 | 0:39:26 | |
Ah, well. So that is a hand jigger. | 0:39:32 | 0:39:36 | |
Pardon my French. | 0:39:37 | 0:39:38 | |
God bless this printer and all the jokes who fail in her. | 0:39:38 | 0:39:42 | |
Eh, sir! Careful of the printer. | 0:39:42 | 0:39:44 | |
Careful of the champagne more like. | 0:39:44 | 0:39:45 | |
You mustn't waste this stuff there's a war on. | 0:39:45 | 0:39:47 | |
Is there? I had no idea. | 0:39:47 | 0:39:49 | |
Better make sure the Germans don't get hold of it. | 0:39:49 | 0:39:52 | |
CORK POPS | 0:39:52 | 0:39:53 | |
Too slow. There we go. | 0:39:56 | 0:39:58 | |
How on earth did you get hold of this? | 0:39:59 | 0:40:01 | |
Well, I had a bit of luck at cards with some of the brass hats | 0:40:01 | 0:40:05 | |
billeted at the chateau. | 0:40:05 | 0:40:06 | |
As it turned out, magnificent cellar. | 0:40:06 | 0:40:09 | |
To the hand jigger. | 0:40:11 | 0:40:13 | |
CHEERING | 0:40:13 | 0:40:15 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, | 0:40:18 | 0:40:21 | |
welcome to the latest venue in our grand tour of Flanders. | 0:40:21 | 0:40:24 | |
The Neuve Eglise Hippodrome, where our doors are always open. | 0:40:24 | 0:40:29 | |
Tonight, we are honoured to present a show to die for. | 0:40:31 | 0:40:34 | |
The grand new revue, Over The Top. | 0:40:34 | 0:40:36 | |
Positively the greatest spectacular performance ever staged. | 0:40:38 | 0:40:43 | |
And topping the bill, | 0:40:43 | 0:40:44 | |
it's musical merriment from our very own sapper songbirds, | 0:40:44 | 0:40:48 | |
Trench And Foot, with their delightful ditty, Minor Worries. | 0:40:48 | 0:40:53 | |
# If the Hun lets off some gas never mind | 0:40:55 | 0:40:59 | |
# If the Hun attacks in mass never mind | 0:40:59 | 0:41:04 | |
# If your dugout's blown to bits | 0:41:05 | 0:41:08 | |
# Or the CO's throwing fits | 0:41:08 | 0:41:10 | |
# Or a crump your rum jar hits never mind | 0:41:10 | 0:41:13 | |
# Oh, never mind | 0:41:13 | 0:41:15 | |
# If your trench is mud knee-high never mind | 0:41:17 | 0:41:20 | |
# You can't find a spot that's high never mind | 0:41:20 | 0:41:24 | |
# Oh, never mind | 0:41:24 | 0:41:26 | |
# If a sniper has you set through dents in your parapet | 0:41:28 | 0:41:31 | |
# And your troubles fiercer get never mind | 0:41:31 | 0:41:35 | |
# Oh, never mind | 0:41:35 | 0:41:38 | |
# If machine guns join the muddle never mind | 0:41:40 | 0:41:44 | |
# Though you're lying in a puddle never mind | 0:41:44 | 0:41:47 | |
# Oh, never mind | 0:41:47 | 0:41:49 | |
# If the duck board barks your shin | 0:41:49 | 0:41:50 | |
# And the barbed wire rips your skin | 0:41:50 | 0:41:52 | |
# 'Tis reward for all your sin never mind | 0:41:52 | 0:41:56 | |
# Oh, never mind. # | 0:41:56 | 0:41:59 | |
Gas! Gas! Gas! | 0:42:02 | 0:42:05 | |
ALARM BELL RINGS | 0:42:05 | 0:42:08 | |
Looks good, Jack. | 0:42:38 | 0:42:39 | |
Harris and his devils have done a fine job. | 0:42:40 | 0:42:45 | |
HE CHOKES | 0:42:45 | 0:42:47 | |
It's nothing to worry about. | 0:42:50 | 0:42:51 | |
The quacks say I'll be right as rain and back on the front line in no time. | 0:42:51 | 0:42:55 | |
-Are you sure? -Mm. Thank you. | 0:42:55 | 0:42:57 | |
I'm one of the lucky ones. | 0:43:00 | 0:43:02 | |
I'm still here. | 0:43:02 | 0:43:04 | |
Well, you were lucky. | 0:43:04 | 0:43:05 | |
Apparently, Fritz has developed a new type of stink bomb. | 0:43:05 | 0:43:08 | |
Makes you wretch so you have to take off your gas mask and then the chlorine kills you. | 0:43:08 | 0:43:12 | |
Fiendish. | 0:43:12 | 0:43:13 | |
HE CHOKES | 0:43:13 | 0:43:16 | |
Excuse me. | 0:43:17 | 0:43:18 | |
What about Henderson? | 0:43:29 | 0:43:31 | |
I'm very sorry. | 0:43:35 | 0:43:37 | |
Well, the good news is, we still have plenty of material | 0:43:37 | 0:43:40 | |
coming in from our distinguished contributors. | 0:43:40 | 0:43:42 | |
-Please, tell me it isn't all poetry. -Fine. It isn't all poetry. | 0:43:42 | 0:43:46 | |
That's a lie. It is all poetry. | 0:43:46 | 0:43:48 | |
Damn and blast. Alert the medical orderlies, Jack. | 0:43:48 | 0:43:51 | |
There's been a serious outbreak of poet-itus. | 0:43:51 | 0:43:53 | |
Subalterns are being seen with notebook in one hand, | 0:43:53 | 0:43:56 | |
a bomb in the other, | 0:43:56 | 0:43:57 | |
absently walking near the wire in deep communion with the muse. | 0:43:57 | 0:44:00 | |
It's probably because spring is in the air. | 0:44:00 | 0:44:03 | |
The picture of little lambs | 0:44:03 | 0:44:04 | |
gambolling among the whizz-bangs is so beautiful and romantic. | 0:44:04 | 0:44:07 | |
I've had enough verse. Doctor! | 0:44:07 | 0:44:09 | |
I demand an injection of prose. | 0:44:09 | 0:44:11 | |
What we do have is, a lot of letters to the editor. | 0:44:11 | 0:44:17 | |
This chap here wants to know why we don't write more about the war. | 0:44:17 | 0:44:20 | |
-I rather thought we did? -No the "wider" war. | 0:44:20 | 0:44:23 | |
The "big picture" et cetera. | 0:44:23 | 0:44:25 | |
We can't write about the "wider war" because we have no idea what's going on. | 0:44:25 | 0:44:28 | |
-We're just fighting in it. -Well, it's lucky we have illustrious war correspondents | 0:44:28 | 0:44:32 | |
like William Beach Thomas to keep us informed. | 0:44:32 | 0:44:34 | |
Teach Bomas? That idiot. | 0:44:34 | 0:44:36 | |
-Are you trying to make me feel worse? -He's highly respected | 0:44:36 | 0:44:39 | |
because he always manages to write from the "thick of the action". | 0:44:39 | 0:44:42 | |
-Funny how we've never actually seen him though, isn't it? -Fred, you're being cynical. | 0:44:42 | 0:44:45 | |
He must know what he's talking about. He's in the Daily Mail. | 0:44:45 | 0:44:49 | |
I am here, in no man's land, where all hell has broken loose. | 0:44:54 | 0:45:00 | |
The air is thick with bullets and shells but I don't mind that. | 0:45:05 | 0:45:09 | |
And now I'm climbing up a conveniently dangling | 0:45:09 | 0:45:11 | |
rope into an observation balloon. | 0:45:11 | 0:45:13 | |
I'm now right above the battle | 0:45:15 | 0:45:17 | |
and looking down on the gallant charge of the, hmm, Umpshires. | 0:45:17 | 0:45:23 | |
Yes. The brave men of the 13th Umpshire Regiment, | 0:45:23 | 0:45:30 | |
charging straight at the elite Prussian guard - | 0:45:30 | 0:45:33 | |
who are all surrendering. | 0:45:33 | 0:45:35 | |
Yes, they are shouting, "Kamerad" and putting up their hands. | 0:45:35 | 0:45:39 | |
Same again, please. | 0:45:39 | 0:45:42 | |
I am now over the German battle lines where I can tell you, | 0:45:42 | 0:45:46 | |
with complete confidence, | 0:45:46 | 0:45:48 | |
that the cavalry are laying down a barrage of shells, | 0:45:48 | 0:45:52 | |
whilst the submarines have advanced into the wood. | 0:45:52 | 0:45:55 | |
This has been me, William Teach Bomas, | 0:45:55 | 0:45:59 | |
writing exclusively from the middle of the bottle. Sorry, battle. | 0:45:59 | 0:46:02 | |
Stop it, Jack. You're hurting me. | 0:46:02 | 0:46:04 | |
Shhh, would you two, please, behave! | 0:46:04 | 0:46:07 | |
There are very sick men here. This is not the Palace of Varieties. | 0:46:07 | 0:46:12 | |
No, no, the girls here are much prettier. | 0:46:12 | 0:46:14 | |
Splendid, Harris, that's much better | 0:46:24 | 0:46:25 | |
-I think he'll be very pleased with that. -Thank you, sir. | 0:46:25 | 0:46:30 | |
Ah, what is it, Barnes? | 0:46:37 | 0:46:39 | |
Are you still taking submissions, sir? | 0:46:39 | 0:46:41 | |
We are as long as there is no poetry. | 0:46:41 | 0:46:43 | |
The editor has decided he is sick of rhyme. | 0:46:43 | 0:46:46 | |
The paper cannot live by poems alone. | 0:46:46 | 0:46:49 | |
Oh. | 0:46:49 | 0:46:51 | |
What have you got for me? | 0:46:51 | 0:46:52 | |
Nothing, sir. | 0:46:54 | 0:46:55 | |
Show me. | 0:46:55 | 0:46:56 | |
To My Chum. Sounds suspiciously like a poem to me, Barnes. | 0:47:05 | 0:47:09 | |
It's about Henderson, sir. | 0:47:11 | 0:47:12 | |
Ah. | 0:47:14 | 0:47:15 | |
Well, I'm sure we can make an exception in that case. | 0:47:16 | 0:47:19 | |
"No more we'll share the same old barn | 0:47:23 | 0:47:26 | |
"The same old dug-out the same old yarn | 0:47:26 | 0:47:29 | |
"No more a tin of bully share | 0:47:30 | 0:47:32 | |
"Nor split our rum by a star-shell's glare | 0:47:33 | 0:47:36 | |
"So long, old lad | 0:47:37 | 0:47:38 | |
"What times we've had both good and bad. | 0:47:40 | 0:47:44 | |
"We've shared what shelter could be had | 0:47:44 | 0:47:48 | |
"The same crump-hole when the whizz-bangs shrieked | 0:47:48 | 0:47:51 | |
"The same old billet that always leaked | 0:47:51 | 0:47:54 | |
"And now - you've stopped one | 0:47:55 | 0:47:58 | |
"We'd weathered the storms two winters long | 0:48:01 | 0:48:04 | |
"We'd managed to grin when all went wrong | 0:48:04 | 0:48:06 | |
"Because together we'd fought and fed | 0:48:06 | 0:48:08 | |
"Our hearts were light but now, you're dead... | 0:48:10 | 0:48:14 | |
"..and I am mate-less." | 0:48:16 | 0:48:17 | |
Missed, bad luck. Not artillery by any chance? | 0:48:42 | 0:48:47 | |
-Sir. -Good to see you, Fred. Fully recovered? | 0:48:50 | 0:48:54 | |
Fighting fit, sir. | 0:48:54 | 0:48:56 | |
Ready to be as "offensive" as possible? | 0:48:56 | 0:48:58 | |
Ah excellent. Ah, so now it's The Kemmel Times? | 0:49:00 | 0:49:04 | |
Well, they will keep moving us around, sir, | 0:49:04 | 0:49:06 | |
and now we seem to have become infantry. | 0:49:06 | 0:49:08 | |
Modern warfare's all about flexibility, Fred. | 0:49:08 | 0:49:12 | |
Take the cavalry, now they're riding tanks. Whatever next? | 0:49:12 | 0:49:16 | |
Anyway, you'd be glad to hear you're going to have a change of scenery. | 0:49:16 | 0:49:19 | |
Your days in the Salient are over. | 0:49:19 | 0:49:22 | |
I'll miss it, sir. | 0:49:24 | 0:49:25 | |
Unlike the Boche artillery, which has made rather a mess of it. | 0:49:25 | 0:49:29 | |
I'm not altogether keen on their idea of landscape gardening. | 0:49:29 | 0:49:32 | |
I think you'll prefer your next posting. | 0:49:32 | 0:49:34 | |
Ah! | 0:49:41 | 0:49:43 | |
-Frere Jacques! -Bonjour! | 0:49:43 | 0:49:46 | |
How was leave? | 0:49:46 | 0:49:47 | |
Well, Amiens really is most agreeable. | 0:49:47 | 0:49:49 | |
Top-notch cathedral which, sadly, I didn't have time to visit. | 0:49:49 | 0:49:53 | |
Here, fromage. | 0:49:53 | 0:49:54 | |
Oh. Merci. | 0:49:54 | 0:49:56 | |
-Fromage Bleu. -Oh, merci buckets. | 0:49:56 | 0:49:58 | |
But Madame Fifi assures me it's one of the finest | 0:49:58 | 0:50:01 | |
examples of Gothic Architecture in Northern France. | 0:50:01 | 0:50:05 | |
And Madame Fifi is...? | 0:50:05 | 0:50:06 | |
Absolutely charming. | 0:50:06 | 0:50:08 | |
Runs a delightful little club where if you buy a bottle of champagne, | 0:50:08 | 0:50:11 | |
the girls very kindly agree to sit on your knee. | 0:50:11 | 0:50:14 | |
-Oh. -You really must go there. | 0:50:14 | 0:50:16 | |
In fact, everyone must go there. | 0:50:16 | 0:50:18 | |
I'm giving all ranks one day's leave in Amiens. | 0:50:18 | 0:50:22 | |
And that's an order! | 0:50:22 | 0:50:23 | |
It's a bit far, isn't it? | 0:50:23 | 0:50:25 | |
It won't be - we're on the move again. | 0:50:25 | 0:50:27 | |
Really? Where to? | 0:50:27 | 0:50:28 | |
You'll love it, apparently it's very pretty, indeed. | 0:50:28 | 0:50:31 | |
Oh, capital. What's it called? | 0:50:31 | 0:50:33 | |
The Somme. | 0:50:33 | 0:50:34 | |
MARCHING | 0:50:34 | 0:50:36 | |
Zero minus three. | 0:50:50 | 0:50:51 | |
BOMBS EXPLODE | 0:50:51 | 0:50:53 | |
I'm sorry, Jack, this issue's a bit thin. | 0:50:53 | 0:50:56 | |
Not even sure we'll make the deadline. | 0:50:56 | 0:50:58 | |
BOMB EXPLODES CLOSE BY | 0:50:58 | 0:51:02 | |
Well, we have had other calls on our time. | 0:51:02 | 0:51:04 | |
Perhaps we should wait and bring it out after the grand show. | 0:51:04 | 0:51:07 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:51:07 | 0:51:09 | |
No. I think sooner is better than later. | 0:51:09 | 0:51:13 | |
DISTANT GUNFIRE AND EXPLOSIONS | 0:51:15 | 0:51:18 | |
A harpsichord of hate... | 0:51:18 | 0:51:20 | |
performed to an audience of terrified Teutons. | 0:51:20 | 0:51:24 | |
-I rather like that. -Yes? | 0:51:24 | 0:51:27 | |
I must remember it if I ever get out of this. | 0:51:27 | 0:51:29 | |
Rum ration. | 0:51:32 | 0:51:34 | |
Rum ration, Sergeant. It's time to give the boys a tot. | 0:51:34 | 0:51:37 | |
Sir. | 0:51:37 | 0:51:39 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:51:42 | 0:51:45 | |
Dodd's too young. I'll have his. | 0:51:45 | 0:51:47 | |
We don't want you incapable, Smith. | 0:51:47 | 0:51:49 | |
How would you tell, Sar'nt? | 0:51:49 | 0:51:51 | |
Any chance of seconds? | 0:51:51 | 0:51:53 | |
No, it's bad for your health. | 0:51:53 | 0:51:55 | |
BOMB EXPLODES | 0:51:55 | 0:51:57 | |
Swine. Can't even let a man have a drink in peace. | 0:51:57 | 0:52:01 | |
S'cuse me for asking, sir, but there's rumours going round. | 0:52:02 | 0:52:06 | |
Is this the big push? | 0:52:06 | 0:52:08 | |
I'm afraid such information is hush-hush, Dodd. Who told you that? | 0:52:08 | 0:52:11 | |
Germans, sir. They've been shouting out across no man's land. | 0:52:11 | 0:52:15 | |
Yes, well, perhaps it isn't the best kept military | 0:52:15 | 0:52:17 | |
secret in the history of the British military. | 0:52:17 | 0:52:20 | |
Zero minus one. | 0:52:26 | 0:52:27 | |
All right, men. Just wanted to say, | 0:52:35 | 0:52:38 | |
whatever happens, you know you can | 0:52:38 | 0:52:43 | |
rely on the old division to give a good account of itself. | 0:52:43 | 0:52:46 | |
Even Dodd, sir? | 0:52:46 | 0:52:47 | |
Especially Dodd. | 0:52:48 | 0:52:49 | |
So, here to all you lads. | 0:52:49 | 0:52:53 | |
The game's started, so keep the ball rolling and remember, | 0:52:56 | 0:53:00 | |
the only good Hun is a dead Hun. | 0:53:00 | 0:53:03 | |
MEN CHEER | 0:53:03 | 0:53:05 | |
No jokes? | 0:53:17 | 0:53:19 | |
A bit short of jokes. | 0:53:19 | 0:53:20 | |
There was a young girl of the Somme... | 0:53:26 | 0:53:29 | |
..Who sat on a number five bomb... | 0:53:30 | 0:53:32 | |
She thought was a dud 'un but it went off sudden... | 0:53:37 | 0:53:40 | |
Her exit she made with aplomb. | 0:53:41 | 0:53:43 | |
MEN LAUGH | 0:53:43 | 0:53:45 | |
MEN SHOUT | 0:53:49 | 0:53:52 | |
BOMBS EXPLODE | 0:53:52 | 0:53:54 | |
GUNFIRE | 0:53:57 | 0:53:59 | |
MEN SHOUT | 0:53:59 | 0:54:02 | |
Did you know it's still going on? | 0:54:12 | 0:54:13 | |
The War? Yes, apparently it is. | 0:54:13 | 0:54:17 | |
No, this mutinous magazine. | 0:54:17 | 0:54:19 | |
They promised to stop producing it, erm, when the war is over. | 0:54:19 | 0:54:22 | |
Just listen to this. "Realising that men must laugh. | 0:54:22 | 0:54:26 | |
"Some wise man devised the staff." | 0:54:26 | 0:54:29 | |
Is that supposed to be funny? | 0:54:29 | 0:54:31 | |
Well, it's funnier than what I'm reading. | 0:54:31 | 0:54:33 | |
It's a subversive attack on the entire high command. It continues... | 0:54:33 | 0:54:38 | |
"Let them lead the simple life far from all our vulgar strife." | 0:54:38 | 0:54:42 | |
My God, that's us they're talking about. | 0:54:42 | 0:54:45 | |
"Lest their relatives might grieve often, often give them leave | 0:54:45 | 0:54:49 | |
"Decorations too, galore What on earth could man wish more?" | 0:54:49 | 0:54:54 | |
We cannot allow this scurrilous insubordination to go unpunished. | 0:54:54 | 0:54:58 | |
"And yet, alas, so goes the rumour | 0:55:00 | 0:55:02 | |
"The staff all lack a sense of humour." | 0:55:02 | 0:55:04 | |
Utter rubbish. | 0:55:05 | 0:55:07 | |
It's not all rude rhymes. | 0:55:07 | 0:55:08 | |
In fact, er, they've put in a rather helpful glossary of military terms. | 0:55:08 | 0:55:13 | |
Really? | 0:55:13 | 0:55:14 | |
"Duds, there are two kinds - | 0:55:14 | 0:55:17 | |
"a shell on impact failing to explode is called a dud. | 0:55:17 | 0:55:20 | |
"These are unhappily less plentiful on the other kind of dud." | 0:55:20 | 0:55:24 | |
-Go on. -"The kind that draws a large salary | 0:55:24 | 0:55:26 | |
"and explodes for no reason far behind the fighting area." | 0:55:26 | 0:55:30 | |
The battlefield is not a place for humour! | 0:55:30 | 0:55:33 | |
Humour, my dear Howfield, | 0:55:33 | 0:55:35 | |
is what separates civilisation from incivility. | 0:55:35 | 0:55:39 | |
Us from the Boche. | 0:55:39 | 0:55:40 | |
Whilst Roberts and his men are busy writing poems poking fun at us | 0:55:41 | 0:55:45 | |
brass hats, the Germans' equivalent literary contribution is | 0:55:45 | 0:55:49 | |
a hymn of hate. | 0:55:49 | 0:55:51 | |
-Have you heard it? -Course I've heard it. | 0:55:51 | 0:55:53 | |
Has all the subtlety of a dawn barrage from Big Bertha. | 0:55:53 | 0:55:56 | |
What the Germans sing or don't sing is irrelevant. | 0:55:56 | 0:55:59 | |
We have to maintain discipline in our army, | 0:55:59 | 0:56:01 | |
or the result is defeatism and anarchy. | 0:56:01 | 0:56:05 | |
I still say something should be done about Captain Roberts. | 0:56:05 | 0:56:08 | |
Oh? Something has been done. | 0:56:08 | 0:56:10 | |
He's been awarded the Military Cross for gallantry. | 0:56:11 | 0:56:14 | |
"Captain FJ Roberts, 12th Sherwood Foresters, | 0:56:19 | 0:56:22 | |
"24th Division, for conspicuous gallantry | 0:56:22 | 0:56:24 | |
"and devotion to duty in the battle of the Somme on August 12th 1916. | 0:56:24 | 0:56:31 | |
"Captain Roberts showed outstanding leadership under fire | 0:56:31 | 0:56:34 | |
"as Company Commander. | 0:56:34 | 0:56:36 | |
"Throughout he behaved most gallantly." | 0:56:36 | 0:56:38 | |
# If you're waking call me early call me early, Sergeant, dear | 0:56:40 | 0:56:46 | |
# For I'm very, very weary and my warrants come, I hear | 0:56:46 | 0:56:49 | |
# It is Blighty for a spell my old troubles are all packed | 0:56:50 | 0:56:55 | |
# So keep the war a-going, Sar'nt it's all yours till I'm back. # | 0:56:55 | 0:57:00 | |
Maitre d', maitre d'? | 0:57:07 | 0:57:09 | |
Oh, I-I was saying - Pearson. | 0:57:09 | 0:57:10 | |
Pearson's priceless and Harris is an ace with the inkies. | 0:57:10 | 0:57:14 | |
And you'd be amazed at the sort of stuff that comes in from the chaps. | 0:57:14 | 0:57:16 | |
The spoofs of Kipling and Sherlock Holmes and... | 0:57:16 | 0:57:20 | |
the Rubaiyat of Omar whats-it. | 0:57:20 | 0:57:22 | |
And limericks and jokes from all sorts of unlikely... | 0:57:22 | 0:57:25 | |
Slow down, Fred, I'm not going anywhere. | 0:57:25 | 0:57:27 | |
But did I tell you about the poet, Gilbert Frankau contributing? | 0:57:28 | 0:57:32 | |
Now there's someone who's actually famous, now he's working for us. | 0:57:32 | 0:57:35 | |
You did mention it once or twice. | 0:57:35 | 0:57:37 | |
There's a very promising writer called Sherriff, who's good at little dramatic squibs. | 0:57:37 | 0:57:41 | |
Oh, and one of the men has started carving drawings on wood blocks. | 0:57:41 | 0:57:45 | |
So we're almost up there with the Illustrated London News. | 0:57:45 | 0:57:50 | |
You make it all sound such fun. | 0:57:50 | 0:57:51 | |
It would be if the infernal general staff didn't keep | 0:57:51 | 0:57:54 | |
insisting on us fighting all the time. | 0:57:54 | 0:57:56 | |
Oh, Sommelier? Could we have another bottle of the '97? | 0:57:58 | 0:58:01 | |
Darling, can we afford all this? | 0:58:01 | 0:58:04 | |
Of course we can't! Not on a captain's pay. | 0:58:04 | 0:58:07 | |
But as luck would have it, I ran into a general in the boat home | 0:58:07 | 0:58:10 | |
and I won a hand or two at cards. | 0:58:10 | 0:58:12 | |
I do hope he's better at strategy than he is at bridge. | 0:58:12 | 0:58:15 | |
Same old Fred. | 0:58:15 | 0:58:16 | |
Well, not quite. | 0:58:19 | 0:58:20 | |
It's the quiet. | 0:58:53 | 0:58:54 | |
It's keeping me awake. | 0:58:57 | 0:58:58 | |
What's it really like? | 0:59:02 | 0:59:04 | |
You know what the basis for this war is? | 0:59:08 | 0:59:10 | |
Mud. | 0:59:12 | 0:59:13 | |
And sticking through the mud at various places you can see | 0:59:17 | 0:59:21 | |
pieces of towns. | 0:59:21 | 0:59:23 | |
And out there are the trenches. | 0:59:25 | 0:59:27 | |
One set for our men, one for the Boche. | 0:59:29 | 0:59:32 | |
With thick wire fences in front of them. | 0:59:32 | 0:59:34 | |
And time passes slowly. | 0:59:38 | 0:59:41 | |
So, by way of amusement, | 0:59:45 | 0:59:47 | |
one side will try to get in the other's trench and bring back a man. | 0:59:47 | 0:59:52 | |
And the score is 1-0 for the night. | 0:59:52 | 0:59:54 | |
May seem a bit slow, taking the enemy one by one, | 0:59:57 | 0:59:59 | |
when there are millions more out there. | 0:59:59 | 1:00:01 | |
It all helps to pass the time. | 1:00:03 | 1:00:04 | |
Till Christmas, when the war's going to end. | 1:00:06 | 1:00:09 | |
Is it? | 1:00:10 | 1:00:11 | |
Oh, yes. We just don't know which Christmas. | 1:00:11 | 1:00:14 | |
We are winning? | 1:00:17 | 1:00:18 | |
I'm not sure anyone knows. | 1:00:19 | 1:00:23 | |
I fought in a battle... | 1:00:27 | 1:00:28 | |
..which was an epic of futility. | 1:00:31 | 1:00:35 | |
No-one could even speculate what the battle was supposed to achieve. | 1:00:38 | 1:00:42 | |
In fact, there was never the | 1:00:44 | 1:00:45 | |
slightest chance of achieving anything at all. | 1:00:45 | 1:00:48 | |
Apart from the flower of British manhood... | 1:00:51 | 1:00:53 | |
..being hurled to a squalid death. | 1:00:54 | 1:00:57 | |
-This isn't like you, Fred. -I'm sorry. | 1:00:57 | 1:00:59 | |
Most of us have been cured of any illusion | 1:01:02 | 1:01:04 | |
we may have had about the pomp and glory of war... | 1:01:04 | 1:01:07 | |
..and now know it as the vilest disaster that can befall mankind. | 1:01:09 | 1:01:14 | |
War is nothing more than wallowing in a dirty ditch. | 1:01:22 | 1:01:27 | |
Are you going back? | 1:01:31 | 1:01:33 | |
Of course. | 1:01:36 | 1:01:37 | |
MARCHING | 1:01:39 | 1:01:42 | |
'If you can live on bully and a biscuit | 1:01:50 | 1:01:53 | |
'And thank your stars that you've a tot of rum | 1:01:53 | 1:01:56 | |
'Dodge whizz-bangs with a grin | 1:01:56 | 1:01:58 | |
'And as you risk it, talk glibly of the pretty way they hum | 1:01:58 | 1:02:02 | |
'If you can crawl through wire and crump-holes reeking | 1:02:03 | 1:02:06 | |
'With feet of liquid mud | 1:02:06 | 1:02:08 | |
'And keep your head turned always to the place which you are seeking | 1:02:08 | 1:02:12 | |
'Through dread of crying you will laugh instead | 1:02:12 | 1:02:15 | |
'If you can grin, at last when handing over | 1:02:16 | 1:02:19 | |
'And finish well, what you have well begun | 1:02:19 | 1:02:23 | |
'And think a muddy ditch a bed of clover | 1:02:23 | 1:02:26 | |
'You will be a soldier one day then my son.' | 1:02:26 | 1:02:30 | |
Section, halt! | 1:02:40 | 1:02:41 | |
Give us a cigarette, Dodd. | 1:02:44 | 1:02:47 | |
We must be here. Because this, here, is over there. | 1:02:48 | 1:02:53 | |
-Where are we, sir? -If I'm not mistaken, | 1:02:54 | 1:02:57 | |
we're back at Wipers. | 1:02:57 | 1:02:59 | |
You sure, sir? | 1:03:01 | 1:03:02 | |
Pretty sure. | 1:03:15 | 1:03:16 | |
We've come a long way in the last 18 months, haven't we? | 1:03:21 | 1:03:25 | |
I'd say approximately 30 yards. | 1:03:25 | 1:03:27 | |
Find out what the hell monsieur thinks he's up to, would you, Jack? | 1:03:30 | 1:03:34 | |
Monsieur! Bonjour! | 1:03:37 | 1:03:38 | |
-Sergeant? -Sir? | 1:03:38 | 1:03:40 | |
Make sure the printer's come in one piece. | 1:03:40 | 1:03:42 | |
I thought the GS wagon we put it on looked pretty ropey. | 1:03:42 | 1:03:45 | |
-Sir. -Thank you. | 1:03:45 | 1:03:47 | |
-I don't think you're going to believe this. -Try me. | 1:03:50 | 1:03:54 | |
He's with the Michelin guide. | 1:03:54 | 1:03:56 | |
They're preparing a tourist handbook for the battlefields. | 1:03:56 | 1:03:59 | |
Oh, so this is...? This is going to be a holiday destination? | 1:03:59 | 1:04:02 | |
Apparently so. | 1:04:02 | 1:04:03 | |
We should consider ourselves fortunate | 1:04:03 | 1:04:05 | |
-we're among the first to have seen the sights. -Yes. | 1:04:05 | 1:04:08 | |
Did you ask him to recommend any top class restaurants in the vicinity? | 1:04:08 | 1:04:11 | |
This is beyond parody. You couldn't make it up. | 1:04:11 | 1:04:14 | |
Right. Come on men. Forward march. | 1:04:15 | 1:04:19 | |
Onwards. | 1:04:19 | 1:04:20 | |
He'll be put out of a job soon. | 1:04:22 | 1:04:24 | |
Should we see if the old editorial den's still standing? | 1:04:24 | 1:04:28 | |
It'll be like old times. | 1:04:28 | 1:04:29 | |
Yes, very old times. Back when there were no buildings at all. | 1:04:29 | 1:04:34 | |
Oh, tell me, Sergeant, how many Es in Wenceslas? | 1:04:44 | 1:04:48 | |
As many of the little blighters as I can find, sir. | 1:04:48 | 1:04:51 | |
Which, at the moment, is none. | 1:04:51 | 1:04:53 | |
Very well. I always thought the good king was over encumbered with Es. | 1:04:53 | 1:04:59 | |
We're also short of paper, sir. | 1:04:59 | 1:05:01 | |
We... We've got a bumper Christmas issue to produce. | 1:05:01 | 1:05:05 | |
I'm sure the readers will understand | 1:05:05 | 1:05:07 | |
if the issue's less than the advertised 20 pages. | 1:05:07 | 1:05:10 | |
We've dropped the pen in favour of the sword | 1:05:10 | 1:05:13 | |
and gone to liberate some French villages. | 1:05:13 | 1:05:15 | |
No, we promised our readers 20 pages, and 20 pages they shall have. | 1:05:15 | 1:05:19 | |
Well, that's all well and good, sir, | 1:05:19 | 1:05:21 | |
but it doesn't get around our problem. No poo paper. | 1:05:21 | 1:05:23 | |
If I can find something funny to say about another Christmas | 1:05:23 | 1:05:27 | |
on the front line... | 1:05:27 | 1:05:29 | |
then I'm sure you can find some paper in Ypres, Sergeant. | 1:05:29 | 1:05:34 | |
I'll do my best, sir. | 1:05:35 | 1:05:36 | |
Thank you. | 1:05:36 | 1:05:38 | |
I had a profitable hand of Brag with Bobbing Bobby. | 1:05:40 | 1:05:43 | |
If this issue comes out at all it'll be a miracle. | 1:05:46 | 1:05:48 | |
A miracle at Christmas. | 1:05:54 | 1:05:56 | |
This is the story of a soldier, Alfred Higgins, | 1:05:56 | 1:06:00 | |
or number 249921 Private Higgins A, | 1:06:00 | 1:06:05 | |
as he was officially known. | 1:06:05 | 1:06:08 | |
It was Christmas morning and Alfred was holding the line. | 1:06:08 | 1:06:12 | |
All was peace and goodwill. | 1:06:12 | 1:06:15 | |
The Gas Gongs were chiming out their message of joy to all mankind | 1:06:15 | 1:06:18 | |
and the merry bark of the pipsqueak, aided by the staccato cough of the | 1:06:18 | 1:06:22 | |
howitzer, combined to reassure Alfred that all was well with the world. | 1:06:22 | 1:06:26 | |
Alfred began to doze, when at last his sergeant came in sight. | 1:06:27 | 1:06:32 | |
"Higgins," said the Sergeant. | 1:06:32 | 1:06:34 | |
"Have you been drinking rum?" | 1:06:34 | 1:06:37 | |
"No, Sergeant. Honestly, Sergeant," said Higgins. | 1:06:37 | 1:06:40 | |
"Well, then," said the Sergeant. | 1:06:40 | 1:06:42 | |
"You must have some of mine." | 1:06:42 | 1:06:45 | |
Alfred was treated for severe shock | 1:06:45 | 1:06:48 | |
and never went to the front line again. | 1:06:48 | 1:06:50 | |
A happy Christmas and New Year to all! | 1:06:52 | 1:06:55 | |
And may next Christmas see the whole damn business over. | 1:06:55 | 1:06:58 | |
Bravo, Fred. | 1:07:03 | 1:07:05 | |
A festive tale to gladden the heart. | 1:07:05 | 1:07:07 | |
It's given me an idea. | 1:07:09 | 1:07:11 | |
Permission to go into the pub business? | 1:07:11 | 1:07:13 | |
Permission granted. What on earth are you talking about? | 1:07:13 | 1:07:16 | |
All right. Merci. Demain. | 1:07:18 | 1:07:21 | |
Demain deux fois, deux fois encore. | 1:07:21 | 1:07:24 | |
Very good. | 1:07:24 | 1:07:25 | |
-Welcome to the Foresters Arms. -Very impressive. | 1:07:27 | 1:07:31 | |
Well, something had to be done. | 1:07:31 | 1:07:33 | |
The ambulances can't keep up with the casualties | 1:07:33 | 1:07:35 | |
and get the wounded back to base quick enough, so... | 1:07:35 | 1:07:37 | |
it's a sort of first aid post. | 1:07:37 | 1:07:39 | |
Or, rather, thirst aid post? | 1:07:39 | 1:07:42 | |
I'm terribly sorry. | 1:07:42 | 1:07:43 | |
That's dreadful. | 1:07:43 | 1:07:45 | |
Well done, lads. | 1:07:45 | 1:07:46 | |
There we are. One franc. | 1:07:52 | 1:07:55 | |
I've no money, sir. | 1:07:55 | 1:07:56 | |
Oh, dear. Well, then I shall have to insist on giving it to you for free. | 1:07:56 | 1:08:00 | |
-Cheers, sir. -What the bloody hell is going on here?! | 1:08:00 | 1:08:04 | |
You're meant to be a soldier not a bloody publican. | 1:08:04 | 1:08:07 | |
-Yes, sir, I was just... -I want it closed down immediately. | 1:08:07 | 1:08:10 | |
-I'm afraid that's not possible. -What? | 1:08:10 | 1:08:11 | |
The Foresters Arms is providing a vital service to these men | 1:08:11 | 1:08:14 | |
and following a petition from the divisional chaplaincies, | 1:08:14 | 1:08:17 | |
the Foresters Arms has been authorised to continue its essential work. | 1:08:17 | 1:08:20 | |
On whose authority? General Mitford's? | 1:08:20 | 1:08:23 | |
Field Marshall Haig's? | 1:08:23 | 1:08:24 | |
Higher than that. | 1:08:24 | 1:08:25 | |
You damned devil dodgers are going to undermine the whole war! | 1:08:29 | 1:08:32 | |
-May I add my own note of caution, Captain Pearson? -Sir? | 1:08:41 | 1:08:45 | |
I hope this new venture, however admirable, | 1:08:45 | 1:08:48 | |
will not get in the way of your duties. | 1:08:48 | 1:08:50 | |
May I remind you that you are first and foremost assistant editor | 1:08:50 | 1:08:56 | |
of The Wipers Times. | 1:08:56 | 1:08:58 | |
Yes. | 1:08:58 | 1:08:59 | |
The General Staff are under severe pressure from the good ladies | 1:09:00 | 1:09:05 | |
of the Temperance Society. | 1:09:05 | 1:09:07 | |
Why? | 1:09:07 | 1:09:09 | |
From their unique vantage point on the home front, they attribute | 1:09:09 | 1:09:14 | |
all the army's reverses in the field to the effects of alcohol. | 1:09:14 | 1:09:18 | |
They seem to be under the impression that the trenches are awash | 1:09:19 | 1:09:22 | |
with the demon drink. | 1:09:22 | 1:09:24 | |
I can't imagine why they would think that. | 1:09:24 | 1:09:26 | |
Rum business, war. | 1:09:26 | 1:09:29 | |
But the high command has given the ladies their blessing | 1:09:29 | 1:09:31 | |
and whether we like it or not, we will all have to acknowledge that | 1:09:31 | 1:09:35 | |
alcohol is a serious issue. | 1:09:35 | 1:09:37 | |
So what do you propose? | 1:09:37 | 1:09:39 | |
Well, obviously, we'll have to do our bit... | 1:09:40 | 1:09:43 | |
and place a suitable advertisement in a responsible trench newspaper. | 1:09:43 | 1:09:49 | |
Do you have a drink habit? | 1:09:49 | 1:09:50 | |
Do you have a drink habit? | 1:09:50 | 1:09:52 | |
Do you have a drink habit? | 1:09:52 | 1:09:53 | |
If not, I can help you acquire one in three days. | 1:09:53 | 1:09:58 | |
If you, or any one you know, does not drink alcohol regularly, | 1:09:58 | 1:10:01 | |
they need my new book Confessions Of An Alcohol Slave. | 1:10:01 | 1:10:06 | |
I can cure anyone. | 1:10:06 | 1:10:07 | |
Take this once sad wretch. | 1:10:07 | 1:10:08 | |
I was a rabid teetotaller for the first 15 years of my life, | 1:10:12 | 1:10:15 | |
but thanks to Dr Supitup and his miracle cure | 1:10:15 | 1:10:18 | |
I now never go to bed sober. | 1:10:18 | 1:10:20 | |
All cases are treated in absolute confidence. | 1:10:20 | 1:10:23 | |
This incredible three-step guide to being a bona fide toper is yours now. | 1:10:23 | 1:10:28 | |
Just write to me, Dr Supitup, at Have Another Mansions, | 1:10:28 | 1:10:31 | |
in Bedfordshire. | 1:10:31 | 1:10:33 | |
KNOCK ON DOOR | 1:10:34 | 1:10:36 | |
You wanted to see me, sir? | 1:10:36 | 1:10:38 | |
Come in, Fred. | 1:10:38 | 1:10:39 | |
If it's about ragging the Temperance Society... | 1:10:39 | 1:10:41 | |
No, no, no. It isn't, | 1:10:41 | 1:10:43 | |
though I have had complaints that your version of the war | 1:10:43 | 1:10:46 | |
consists of nothing but wine, women and song. | 1:10:46 | 1:10:49 | |
Well, there has been the odd visit to Madame Fifi's. | 1:10:51 | 1:10:54 | |
I'd keep quiet about that if I were you, Fred. | 1:10:54 | 1:10:56 | |
Madame Fifi's is closed. | 1:10:56 | 1:10:58 | |
Napoo Madame Fifi? Quelle damage. | 1:10:59 | 1:11:02 | |
Sadly she had to leave her cosy club one dawn for an appointment | 1:11:02 | 1:11:06 | |
with the firing squad. | 1:11:06 | 1:11:07 | |
Madame Fifi was a spy? | 1:11:09 | 1:11:11 | |
Apparently she was extracting information from excitable | 1:11:11 | 1:11:13 | |
young officers | 1:11:13 | 1:11:14 | |
and passing it straight to Berlin. | 1:11:14 | 1:11:16 | |
My conscience is clear, sir. | 1:11:16 | 1:11:18 | |
I can't have given anything away about the war | 1:11:18 | 1:11:21 | |
because I don't know anything. | 1:11:21 | 1:11:23 | |
Like all British officers on the front line, | 1:11:23 | 1:11:25 | |
I'm kept completely in the dark. | 1:11:25 | 1:11:28 | |
I am amazed that, after all this time, you can find anything funny. | 1:11:28 | 1:11:32 | |
Oh, I don't know, sir. You would have to concede that it is somewhat | 1:11:32 | 1:11:36 | |
comical that we have spent years fighting our way through Flanders | 1:11:36 | 1:11:41 | |
only to end up right back where we started. | 1:11:41 | 1:11:43 | |
Then I think you'll find the news of your next deployment hilarious. | 1:11:44 | 1:11:49 | |
I can hardly wait, sir. | 1:11:49 | 1:11:51 | |
24th division is being sent back to The Somme. | 1:11:51 | 1:11:54 | |
And why not, sir? | 1:11:57 | 1:11:59 | |
It was such a success last time, why not do it all again? | 1:11:59 | 1:12:04 | |
That's the spirit. War's waking up. | 1:12:04 | 1:12:07 | |
Seconds out of the ring. Last round coming up. | 1:12:07 | 1:12:10 | |
Zero minus one. | 1:12:12 | 1:12:13 | |
EXPLOSION | 1:12:13 | 1:12:14 | |
Right, lads. You all know the drill by now. | 1:12:17 | 1:12:20 | |
-What's that you're drinking, Barnes? -Water, sir. | 1:12:20 | 1:12:24 | |
Don't you know the water is not for drinking? | 1:12:24 | 1:12:26 | |
It's for putting in the radiators of the staff cars. | 1:12:26 | 1:12:30 | |
Don't do anything risky, never mind the water. Try some whisky. | 1:12:30 | 1:12:34 | |
Sir. | 1:12:34 | 1:12:36 | |
Ready, men? | 1:12:36 | 1:12:37 | |
Forward, the Foresters. | 1:12:40 | 1:12:41 | |
Give the Fritzes hell! | 1:12:43 | 1:12:45 | |
ALL SHOUT | 1:12:51 | 1:12:53 | |
Stop. Men. | 1:13:15 | 1:13:17 | |
Stop! | 1:13:18 | 1:13:19 | |
Hold your fire! | 1:13:19 | 1:13:22 | |
Sir? | 1:13:22 | 1:13:23 | |
They're already dead! | 1:13:23 | 1:13:25 | |
It's the gas. Their own gas. | 1:13:28 | 1:13:31 | |
The wind must have changed. | 1:13:35 | 1:13:37 | |
I thought they were a bit...passive. | 1:13:40 | 1:13:44 | |
What, you mean... | 1:13:44 | 1:13:46 | |
they didn't put up much of a fight? | 1:13:46 | 1:13:48 | |
Not very sporting, is it? | 1:13:51 | 1:13:52 | |
HE LAUGHS | 1:13:52 | 1:13:55 | |
Signing off before the show has even started. | 1:13:55 | 1:13:57 | |
Spoils the whole fun of war. | 1:13:57 | 1:13:59 | |
THEY LAUGH | 1:13:59 | 1:14:02 | |
Oh, Christ! | 1:14:08 | 1:14:09 | |
There was a little Hun and at war he tried his hand | 1:14:39 | 1:14:43 | |
And while the Hun was winning war was fine, you understand | 1:14:43 | 1:14:47 | |
When the others hit him back, he shouted in alarm | 1:14:47 | 1:14:50 | |
"A little drop of peace wouldn't do me any harm." | 1:14:50 | 1:14:53 | |
There was a young man of Avesnes... | 1:15:23 | 1:15:26 | |
Who took a stroll down a long shady lanes... | 1:15:26 | 1:15:29 | |
..He trod on a dud Half-hidden in mud | 1:15:32 | 1:15:36 | |
He never will do it agains. | 1:15:36 | 1:15:39 | |
Well up to our usual terrible standard. | 1:15:40 | 1:15:43 | |
Sir, we've heard a rumour that the Germans have surrendered. | 1:15:45 | 1:15:48 | |
Well, if that is the case, Corporal, | 1:15:50 | 1:15:52 | |
someone really ought to tell their artillery. | 1:15:52 | 1:15:55 | |
Yes, and if Fritz really is waving the white flag, | 1:15:55 | 1:15:57 | |
he might have the decency to stop firing at us. | 1:15:57 | 1:16:00 | |
So you don't think it's true then, sir? | 1:16:00 | 1:16:02 | |
All I'm prepared to say is that the tide is apparently turned | 1:16:04 | 1:16:08 | |
and perhaps, at last, we can all look forward to better times. | 1:16:08 | 1:16:14 | |
Better Times. | 1:16:15 | 1:16:16 | |
It's a good name for a title. | 1:16:17 | 1:16:19 | |
EXPLOSION | 1:16:34 | 1:16:36 | |
Letter to the editor. | 1:16:42 | 1:16:44 | |
Is it genuine? | 1:16:44 | 1:16:45 | |
Absolutely. I just genuinely made it up. | 1:16:45 | 1:16:48 | |
"Dear sir. I hear that when it's all over, | 1:16:49 | 1:16:52 | |
"people who joined up early are going to be demobilised first. | 1:16:52 | 1:16:56 | |
"This is very unfair | 1:16:56 | 1:16:59 | |
"since they obviously much more eager to be in the army than those of us | 1:16:59 | 1:17:02 | |
"who joined up reluctantly later. | 1:17:02 | 1:17:05 | |
"So surely we should go home sooner? | 1:17:05 | 1:17:08 | |
"Yours, Lance Corporal A Slacker." | 1:17:08 | 1:17:11 | |
Very convincing argument. | 1:17:11 | 1:17:12 | |
EXPLOSION | 1:17:16 | 1:17:18 | |
You sure about this title, Better Times? | 1:17:20 | 1:17:25 | |
Apparently we only need one more big effort | 1:17:25 | 1:17:28 | |
and we can completely bust the hump. | 1:17:28 | 1:17:30 | |
You seem to be suffering from optimism. | 1:17:30 | 1:17:33 | |
Talking of which... | 1:17:33 | 1:17:35 | |
Harris thinks we can go to a weekly edition, | 1:17:35 | 1:17:38 | |
despite brother Boche's best efforts to prevent all forms of journalism | 1:17:38 | 1:17:43 | |
by filling the office with shrapnel yesterday. | 1:17:43 | 1:17:47 | |
-Why weekly? Why not a daily? -Now who's suffering from optimism? | 1:17:47 | 1:17:51 | |
We're selling like hot cakes. | 1:17:51 | 1:17:53 | |
Is that good? I can't remember what a hot cake tastes like. | 1:17:54 | 1:17:58 | |
We're even selling out on the home front. | 1:17:58 | 1:18:00 | |
It would take a lot more copy. | 1:18:02 | 1:18:04 | |
Surely there's enough jokers out there | 1:18:04 | 1:18:07 | |
and more than enough poets to fill the space. | 1:18:07 | 1:18:10 | |
EXPLOSION | 1:18:11 | 1:18:13 | |
-It's a signal for you, sir. -Thank you, Harris. | 1:18:13 | 1:18:16 | |
My God! | 1:18:28 | 1:18:29 | |
What is it? | 1:18:31 | 1:18:32 | |
It's all over. | 1:18:36 | 1:18:37 | |
What, sir, just like that? | 1:18:43 | 1:18:46 | |
"Official radio from Paris. 6.01 am. | 1:18:46 | 1:18:49 | |
"November 11th 1918. | 1:18:50 | 1:18:52 | |
"Marshal Foch to Commander in Chief. | 1:18:54 | 1:18:57 | |
"Hostilities will be stopped along entire front at 11 o'clock." | 1:18:57 | 1:19:01 | |
Fini la guerre. | 1:19:04 | 1:19:06 | |
Looks like it. | 1:19:10 | 1:19:11 | |
Napoo Boche. | 1:19:13 | 1:19:14 | |
So it would seem. | 1:19:18 | 1:19:19 | |
It's an armistice. | 1:19:22 | 1:19:24 | |
No big show then, no final push to Berlin? | 1:19:25 | 1:19:28 | |
EXPLOSION | 1:19:35 | 1:19:37 | |
Shall I, er, tell the men then, sir? | 1:19:39 | 1:19:42 | |
EXPLOSION | 1:19:42 | 1:19:45 | |
Thank you, Sergeant. | 1:19:45 | 1:19:47 | |
And tell them to keep their bloody heads down until 11 o'clock. | 1:19:47 | 1:19:51 | |
Sir. | 1:19:51 | 1:19:52 | |
So, Jack... | 1:19:58 | 1:19:59 | |
..our swords are going to be turned into ploughshares. | 1:20:01 | 1:20:04 | |
Mmm. | 1:20:04 | 1:20:06 | |
The order of the bowler hat for us. | 1:20:06 | 1:20:08 | |
We're going home. | 1:20:12 | 1:20:13 | |
Shouldn't we be celebrating? | 1:20:20 | 1:20:22 | |
I suppose we should. | 1:20:27 | 1:20:29 | |
Hmm. | 1:20:29 | 1:20:32 | |
OK, lads. Well... just received a wire... | 1:20:53 | 1:20:57 | |
Now that we've actually won the war, I hope that your scribbler friends | 1:21:22 | 1:21:26 | |
in The Wipers Times will treat the staff with a little more respect. | 1:21:26 | 1:21:29 | |
Yes, indeed. In fact, | 1:21:29 | 1:21:30 | |
they're recommending the staff be awarded more medals. | 1:21:30 | 1:21:33 | |
About time. | 1:21:33 | 1:21:34 | |
The want special recognition for all those martyrs | 1:21:34 | 1:21:37 | |
who've had to endure wearying years of soft jobs back at the base | 1:21:37 | 1:21:41 | |
and have missed out on all the fun of the front line. | 1:21:41 | 1:21:44 | |
And welcome back to the European Theatre for our grand finale. | 1:21:49 | 1:21:53 | |
Sadly Keiser Bill Hohenzollern will not be appearing as he has | 1:21:56 | 1:22:00 | |
an alternative engagement singing My Old Dutch in Holland. | 1:22:00 | 1:22:04 | |
Also not on the bill are the famous Crumps. | 1:22:06 | 1:22:10 | |
And the little pipsqueaks. | 1:22:13 | 1:22:14 | |
And Duddy...whizz-bang! | 1:22:18 | 1:22:24 | |
Yes! The show mustn't go on. | 1:22:27 | 1:22:30 | |
You've seen the horrors of war. | 1:22:30 | 1:22:31 | |
Now prepare for the horrors of peace. | 1:22:31 | 1:22:34 | |
You were an army of occupation. | 1:22:34 | 1:22:35 | |
Now you're going to be an army of no occupation. | 1:22:35 | 1:22:38 | |
THEY BOO | 1:22:38 | 1:22:39 | |
So without further ado, | 1:22:39 | 1:22:41 | |
let's have one last encore from Tommy Atkins with | 1:22:41 | 1:22:45 | |
a delightfully delicious ditty - costumes kindly provided by Messrs | 1:22:45 | 1:22:48 | |
D Mob & Co - the celebrated tailors of Cheap Street. | 1:22:48 | 1:22:51 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 1:22:51 | 1:22:54 | |
# So scrap the mortar mine and shell | 1:22:56 | 1:22:59 | |
# The job's completely done and well | 1:22:59 | 1:23:03 | |
# We're done with mud and rats and stench | 1:23:03 | 1:23:07 | |
# Hope never again to see a trench... # | 1:23:07 | 1:23:11 | |
That'll do, lads. We don't want to end the show on a low note. | 1:23:14 | 1:23:17 | |
# ..No more we'll hear machine guns rattle | 1:23:17 | 1:23:21 | |
# The minny's din the roar of battle | 1:23:21 | 1:23:25 | |
# The long lost years have been well worth | 1:23:25 | 1:23:30 | |
# If once again we've peace on earth... # | 1:23:30 | 1:23:34 | |
That's more like it. Now, come on, everybody, | 1:23:34 | 1:23:36 | |
let's see that demobilisation smile. | 1:23:36 | 1:23:40 | |
# ..Farewell to you To dear old Wipers | 1:23:40 | 1:23:47 | |
# For better times have come to pass | 1:23:47 | 1:23:51 | |
# And if they ask us back to Flanders | 1:23:52 | 1:23:58 | |
# We'll all say Shove it up your... # | 1:23:58 | 1:24:02 | |
A little decorum, gentlemen, please! | 1:24:04 | 1:24:06 | |
You are not in the army now! | 1:24:06 | 1:24:08 | |
Hmm. It's all very amusing, | 1:24:19 | 1:24:23 | |
but I'm sure that it is journalism. | 1:24:23 | 1:24:27 | |
Nowadays, ours is a very modern, high-pressure business. | 1:24:27 | 1:24:30 | |
Have you ever sat in a trench, in the middle of a battle | 1:24:31 | 1:24:34 | |
and corrected page proofs? You should try it. | 1:24:34 | 1:24:37 | |
I'm sure. But that was quite a long time ago. | 1:24:37 | 1:24:41 | |
And your CV is a bit sketchy on your more recent career. | 1:24:43 | 1:24:46 | |
I went back to prospecting. | 1:24:48 | 1:24:50 | |
Spent some time in Africa. Looking for gold. | 1:24:50 | 1:24:52 | |
Had some ups, had some downs. | 1:24:52 | 1:24:55 | |
Came home and thought I'd have a last shot at something, | 1:24:55 | 1:24:58 | |
which people were once kind enough to say that I was good at. | 1:24:58 | 1:25:01 | |
I thought if old Beach Thomas can get a job, | 1:25:01 | 1:25:05 | |
then surely I'd be in with a chance. | 1:25:05 | 1:25:08 | |
He's Sir William Beach Thomas | 1:25:08 | 1:25:10 | |
and he's one of our most distinguished correspondents. | 1:25:10 | 1:25:14 | |
Of course. I'm sorry. | 1:25:15 | 1:25:17 | |
Only he was a bit of a joke in the war. | 1:25:18 | 1:25:20 | |
Yes. | 1:25:20 | 1:25:21 | |
We're not really interested in jokes. | 1:25:23 | 1:25:25 | |
Modern writers tell the truth about the war. | 1:25:25 | 1:25:28 | |
Then perhaps I should write you a harrowing article about | 1:25:30 | 1:25:33 | |
how all was not quiet on the Western Front... | 1:25:33 | 1:25:37 | |
..and how with shells raining down upon us, | 1:25:39 | 1:25:44 | |
and the chilly November air being rent with fury, the sub-editor | 1:25:44 | 1:25:49 | |
and I drank a case of whiskey and shot the padre for cowardice | 1:25:49 | 1:25:52 | |
and said goodbye to all that. | 1:25:52 | 1:25:54 | |
Well, that's more like it. | 1:25:56 | 1:25:58 | |
No. | 1:25:59 | 1:26:00 | |
This was my truth. | 1:26:03 | 1:26:05 | |
I'm sorry for wasting your time. | 1:26:09 | 1:26:11 | |
No, no, no. Don't be so hasty. | 1:26:11 | 1:26:13 | |
Here's the thing. | 1:26:15 | 1:26:16 | |
I like you, Mr Roberts, I really do. | 1:26:16 | 1:26:19 | |
And it's clear you're clever with words. | 1:26:19 | 1:26:22 | |
So I think I might have something for you here. | 1:26:22 | 1:26:24 | |
How about you start work on the, er.. | 1:26:26 | 1:26:28 | |
..the crossword? | 1:26:30 | 1:26:31 | |
You want me to compile the crossword? | 1:26:37 | 1:26:40 | |
Er, no. HELP compile the crossword. | 1:26:40 | 1:26:43 | |
See how things go. Better not rush things. | 1:26:43 | 1:26:46 | |
It's not exactly the front line of the circulation war, is it? | 1:26:46 | 1:26:52 | |
A chap in your position can't expect too much. | 1:26:52 | 1:26:55 | |
What do you think? | 1:26:55 | 1:26:56 | |
I think... | 1:27:01 | 1:27:02 | |
Er, you haven't given me an answer, Mr Roberts? | 1:27:17 | 1:27:20 | |
Mr Roberts? | 1:27:22 | 1:27:24 | |
Do you want this job or not? | 1:27:24 | 1:27:27 | |
Mr Roberts? | 1:27:27 | 1:27:28 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 1:28:36 | 1:28:38 |