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This is my story. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
Right. | 0:00:05 | 0:00:06 | |
This programme contains strong language. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:15 | |
# My, my, my Delilah | 0:00:56 | 0:01:01 | |
# Why, why, why, Delilah? | 0:01:02 | 0:01:08 | |
# I could see that girl was no good for me | 0:01:09 | 0:01:16 | |
# But I was lost like a slave that no man could free | 0:01:16 | 0:01:22 | |
# I saw the light on the night that I passed by her window | 0:01:23 | 0:01:28 | |
# I saw the flickering shadow of love on her blind | 0:01:30 | 0:01:35 | |
# She was my woman | 0:01:37 | 0:01:42 | |
# As she betrayed me I watched and went out of my mind | 0:01:44 | 0:01:50 | |
# My, my, my Delilah | 0:01:50 | 0:01:55 | |
# Why, why, why, Delilah? | 0:01:57 | 0:02:02 | |
# I could see that girl was no good for me | 0:02:04 | 0:02:11 | |
# But I was lost like a slave that no man could free | 0:02:11 | 0:02:18 | |
# At break of day when that man drove away, I was waiting | 0:02:18 | 0:02:23 | |
# I crossed the street to her house and she opened the door | 0:02:25 | 0:02:30 | |
# She stood there laughing | 0:02:32 | 0:02:37 | |
# I felt the knife in my hand | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
# And she laughed no more | 0:02:41 | 0:02:45 | |
# My, my, my Delilah | 0:02:45 | 0:02:50 | |
# Why, why, why Delilah? | 0:02:52 | 0:02:56 | |
# So before they come to break down the door | 0:02:59 | 0:03:05 | |
# Forgive me Delilah I just couldn't take any more | 0:03:05 | 0:03:10 | |
# Forgive me Delilah | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
# I just couldn't take anymore! # | 0:03:14 | 0:03:21 | |
Mr Capello? Mr Capello, me pay's short. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:43 | |
Well, you're short, so now you match. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
I mean, it's supposed to be £25 | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
and it's not £25. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:49 | |
So sue me. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:50 | |
It's supposed to be £25 and it's not. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
You're more than welcome to go and see if Zippos will pay you any more. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
Now beggar off. We're on! | 0:03:56 | 0:03:57 | |
What about, er...what about cooking? | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
Cooking? | 0:04:06 | 0:04:07 | |
Definitely no cooking! | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
Oh! Oh... | 0:04:09 | 0:04:10 | |
AUDIENCE: Aw! | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
No cooking? | 0:04:12 | 0:04:13 | |
I told you. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
No cooking, even with a frying pan? | 0:04:17 | 0:04:20 | |
I told you, no cooking. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
All right. It's a deal... | 0:04:23 | 0:04:25 | |
No cooking. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
LAUGHTER AND CHEERING | 0:04:30 | 0:04:34 | |
All right. Now fuck off. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:35 | |
Nello, ladies and gentlemen! | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
COCKEREL CROWS | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
THUNDER RUMBLES | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
Can I help you? | 0:05:23 | 0:05:24 | |
Yes. I'm a friend of the bishop. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
And...which bishop would that be? | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
The Bishop of Keele. The Bishop of Lichfield. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:33 | |
And the Archbishop of Canterbury is also a very good friend of mine. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:37 | |
Could you give me a lift? | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
Of course. Of course. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:40 | |
Where would you need a lift to, exactly? | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
Stoke-on-Trent. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
Right. Well, that's quite a drive. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:47 | |
It is, yes. Thank you. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
I didn't necessarily say I'd... | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
Have you had your breakfast? | 0:05:51 | 0:05:52 | |
-I have indeed. -No. I haven't. | 0:05:53 | 0:05:56 | |
Very nice of you to ask. Thanks. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
Right. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:06 | |
Yes. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:07 | |
OK. OK. Thank you. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
I can take you as far as Dumfries | 0:06:11 | 0:06:13 | |
and then your mum has arranged for your local vicar | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
to come and get you from there. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
Marvellous. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:18 | |
You've got a tow bar, haven't you? | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
A tow bar? | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
Why would I need a tow bar? | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
Is there any more toast? | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
GRUNTING AND PANTING | 0:06:27 | 0:06:31 | |
Should he be wandering around the country on his own like this? | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
He's clearly got special needs of some sort. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
Well, he doesn't have much trouble finding help. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
In fact, he seems positively blessed in that regard. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
Is he in the habit of doing this? | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
Well, he does seem to view the church | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
as being some sort of ecclesiastical AA. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:49 | |
Oh. He says he's a good friend of the Bishop of Lichfield. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:54 | |
Yes. That's true. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:55 | |
And the Archbishop of Canterbury. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
Well, if Neil says he knows someone, then he usually does. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
How does he get to know them? | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
By being Neil. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:05 | |
Thanks. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:11 | |
Oh...that's quite all right. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
Would you mind signing this before you go? | 0:07:14 | 0:07:17 | |
A Bible? | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
Are you sure? Slightly irregular. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:28 | |
Thanks. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:29 | |
No, no - not the front. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
That's my bishops and archbishops. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
There's space at the back for regular clergy. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
Right. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:46 | |
So there is. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:47 | |
I-I've got them all in there. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:50 | |
Desmond Tutu. Terry Waite. Rowan Williams. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:54 | |
Jimmy Greenhoff. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:55 | |
I wasn't aware Jimmy Greenhoff had been ordained. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:59 | |
He hasn't. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:00 | |
He scored 76 goals in 274 games for Stoke City. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:05 | |
He was marvellous. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:06 | |
Right, right. Well, there you are. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
Thank you. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:12 | |
Your mum will be pleased to see you. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:31 | |
I'll bet she will. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
I'll be pleased to see her. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
The truth is she's not been so well lately. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
Right. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
And I know it's hard to think about these things, | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
but your mum's not getting any younger. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
No. She's not. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:52 | |
None of us are. And that's life. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:56 | |
So we have to make the most of it. | 0:08:56 | 0:08:58 | |
Oh... | 0:09:33 | 0:09:34 | |
Hiya, Mum. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
There's a sight for sore eyes. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
Let me have a look at you. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:47 | |
So how've you been keeping without me to keep an eye on you, like? | 0:09:47 | 0:09:51 | |
LAUGHING: I've been tiptop, Neil. Tiptop. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:55 | |
It's a robin. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:06 | |
Oh, he's back, is he? He was here last week. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
I bet he missed you. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:13 | |
I'll bet he did. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
That's why he's come back. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:17 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:10:19 | 0:10:20 | |
Neil, love. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:28 | |
When I let you join that circus, you said they'd look after you. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
They did look after me. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
Just that one ringmaster took against me. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:37 | |
It only takes one. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
I'm nice to people and people are nice to me. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
And if they're not nice to me, then there are other people who are. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:45 | |
I won't be here forever. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:50 | |
Dunna talk like that. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:51 | |
We all die one day, Neil, | 0:10:51 | 0:10:54 | |
until Jesus returns, | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
and raises his sleeping followers from death | 0:10:56 | 0:10:59 | |
and grants immortality to the faithful. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
So, there you are then. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
Jesus 1, Mary Baldwin, nil. | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
I want to know that you can look after yourself | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
when I'm not here to do it anymore. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
Not get taken advantage of. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
Hold down a job. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:15 | |
I've got a job. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:16 | |
You've been sacked. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
No. A new job. At the university. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
Oh, that's lovely. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
When did they offer you this? | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
Tomorrow. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:29 | |
When you first came to Keele, were you nervous? | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
I'm never nervous. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:50 | |
Hello. I'm Neil Baldwin. Welcome to Keele University. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
Hello. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:03 | |
I'm Neil Baldwin. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:04 | |
-Welcome to Keele University. -All right? | 0:12:04 | 0:12:07 | |
Hello, I'm Neil Baldwin. Welcome to Keele University. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:10 | |
Hiya. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:11 | |
Hello, I'm Neil Baldwin. Welcome to Keele University. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:19 | |
Hiya. I'm Malcolm. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:20 | |
Stoke City fan? | 0:12:20 | 0:12:21 | |
I am, yes. Very much so. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
Are you? | 0:12:23 | 0:12:24 | |
Yeah. Yeah, I am. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:26 | |
So, do you work here, do you? | 0:12:26 | 0:12:29 | |
Yes, I think I do. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:30 | |
# Enjoy yourself | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
# It's later than you think | 0:12:36 | 0:12:40 | |
# Enjoy yourself | 0:12:40 | 0:12:43 | |
# While you're still in the pink | 0:12:43 | 0:12:47 | |
# The years go by | 0:12:47 | 0:12:50 | |
# As quickly as a wink | 0:12:50 | 0:12:54 | |
# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
# It's later than you think | 0:12:57 | 0:13:01 | |
# You work and work for years and years | 0:13:01 | 0:13:04 | |
# You're always on the go | 0:13:04 | 0:13:08 | |
# You never take a minute off | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
# Too busy making dough | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
# Someday you say you'll have your fun | 0:13:14 | 0:13:19 | |
# When you're a millionaire | 0:13:19 | 0:13:22 | |
# Imagine all the fun you'll have | 0:13:22 | 0:13:25 | |
# In your old rocking chair | 0:13:25 | 0:13:29 | |
# Enjoy yourself | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
# It's later than you think | 0:13:32 | 0:13:36 | |
# Enjoy yourself | 0:13:36 | 0:13:39 | |
# While you're still in the pink | 0:13:39 | 0:13:43 | |
# The years go by | 0:13:43 | 0:13:46 | |
# As quickly as a wink | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself | 0:13:49 | 0:13:53 | |
# It's later than you think. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:56 | |
# You're going to take that ocean trip | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
# No matter, come what may | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
# You've got your reservations but | 0:14:03 | 0:14:07 | |
# You just can't get away | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
# Next year, for sure you'll see the world | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
# You'll really get around | 0:14:13 | 0:14:17 | |
# But how far can you travel when you're six feet underground? | 0:14:17 | 0:14:23 | |
# Enjoy yourself | 0:14:23 | 0:14:27 | |
# It's later than you think | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
# Enjoy yourself | 0:14:30 | 0:14:34 | |
# While you're still in the pink | 0:14:34 | 0:14:37 | |
# The years go by | 0:14:37 | 0:14:41 | |
# As quickly as a wink | 0:14:41 | 0:14:44 | |
# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself | 0:14:44 | 0:14:47 | |
# It's later than you think. # | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
Is that a chaffinch? | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
What exactly is it that you do up there, Neil? | 0:15:08 | 0:15:11 | |
At the university? | 0:15:11 | 0:15:13 | |
It is a chaffinch, you know. It's got wing bars. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:16 | |
Neil Baldwin. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:17 | |
As much as I love birds, | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
I will not be knocked off course by plumage talk. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
What are you doing there at Keele? | 0:15:23 | 0:15:25 | |
All sorts. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:27 | |
And what does it pay, this "all sorts"? | 0:15:27 | 0:15:31 | |
Look at the birds of the air. | 0:15:32 | 0:15:35 | |
They neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, | 0:15:35 | 0:15:39 | |
and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:43 | |
When I started work, | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
I read my Bible every dinner break | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
and they made fun of me. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:55 | |
They called me Holy Mary. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
I-I could be a vicar. Then I'd be Holy Neil. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
Is that why you don't want a normal job? | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
Because you're worried they'll pick on you? | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
I like the Church of England. | 0:16:08 | 0:16:10 | |
I like performing. | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
I believe in God. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:15 | |
Well, that does put you three up | 0:16:15 | 0:16:16 | |
on most of the Church of England clergy I've encountered. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:19 | |
But there are other things you need, Neil. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
Bifocals. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:25 | |
I was thinking qualifications. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
-All right, Nello? -Hi, Steve. Wigan on Saturday! | 0:16:28 | 0:16:32 | |
Who was that? | 0:16:33 | 0:16:35 | |
Steve. He's a very good friend of mine. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:38 | |
You never mentioned him before. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:41 | |
I only met him yesterday. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:42 | |
Well, the good news is | 0:16:44 | 0:16:45 | |
they are looking for pot dippers at Susie Cooper's. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
I used to work for Susie Cooper's. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
I was the recipient of many a compliment on my eye for colour. | 0:16:50 | 0:16:53 | |
I think our Neil's got the same. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:55 | |
Thank you. But it's not what I'm looking for. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:58 | |
What are you looking for? | 0:16:58 | 0:17:00 | |
What would you like to do, Neil? | 0:17:00 | 0:17:02 | |
I'd like to manage Stoke City. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
Or-or be a vicar. | 0:17:05 | 0:17:07 | |
Either is fine. I'm flexible. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:09 | |
OK. And what are you qualified to do? | 0:17:09 | 0:17:14 | |
I help the students out at Keele and I'm a registered clown. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:18 | |
Are you indeed? | 0:17:20 | 0:17:21 | |
What've you gone and brought that here for? | 0:17:21 | 0:17:23 | |
That's Nello. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
Did you do this? | 0:17:27 | 0:17:28 | |
Just look at that paintwork. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:31 | |
Not a million miles away from ceramics. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
That's right. He's a dab hand. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
You send an egg off with your make-up on | 0:17:36 | 0:17:39 | |
and it's registered. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:40 | |
You can sue anyone who steals your make-up. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:42 | |
I don't think Elaine wants to hear about all that now. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
Uh...and are there any openings in the circus right now? | 0:17:45 | 0:17:49 | |
Not at the moment, no. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
But Charlie Cairoli is a very good friend of mine. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:54 | |
I've got his number, if you'd like it. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:57 | |
Just say Neil said to ring him. | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
-I meant for you... -0-2-7-2, 4-9-6, | 0:18:00 | 0:18:04 | |
0-7-2-5... | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
Neil! | 0:18:06 | 0:18:07 | |
Sorry. He does go off on tangents now and then. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
But you don't think he has any vacancies...for you? | 0:18:10 | 0:18:14 | |
No. That's why I mentioned vicaring or football manager. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:20 | |
It doesn't have to be Stoke, | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
but I draw the line at Port Vale. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:25 | |
There are schemes to help people into work | 0:18:28 | 0:18:32 | |
who otherwise might have... | 0:18:32 | 0:18:35 | |
difficulties. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
Why are you telling me that? | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
Fruit pastilles do not count as fruit and you know it. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:49 | |
You'll be turning me vegetarian if I'm not careful. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:52 | |
If in doubt, when I'm not here, ask Doris on the till. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:56 | |
She'll tell you what's healthy and what's not. | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
Doris? She doesn't look all that well to me. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:01 | |
She can keep an eye out for you. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:04 | |
Looks like I should be keeping an eye on her. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:06 | |
Oh, for goodness' sake! | 0:19:06 | 0:19:08 | |
All I want to know is you can stand on your own two feet! | 0:19:08 | 0:19:11 | |
More than my life's worth, Neil. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
I thought eggs were good for you. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:34 | |
Mary? Are you all right, duck? | 0:19:37 | 0:19:39 | |
Yes. Yes. Just the price of these tinned peaches. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
Taken the wind right out of me. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
Neil? | 0:20:03 | 0:20:05 | |
I have been praying very hard about this, | 0:20:06 | 0:20:09 | |
and you know what? | 0:20:09 | 0:20:11 | |
I think you're ready for a place of your own. | 0:20:11 | 0:20:14 | |
I've got a place of my own. This place. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
A place of your very own. Not too far away. A little flat. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:20 | |
Move out? | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
Of me home? | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
Well, somewhere nice, you know. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:25 | |
Where you can start to be more independent and manage, you know? | 0:20:25 | 0:20:31 | |
But I do manage. | 0:20:31 | 0:20:32 | |
When have I ever gone without? | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
Do you think it's God's will? | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
Well, that's a difficult one, but I think it might be, yes. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:55 | |
Not my mum's will? | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 | |
I think, on this occasion, as is so often the case, | 0:20:58 | 0:21:01 | |
your mother's will and God's will might be one and the same thing. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:04 | |
Is that the choir? | 0:21:07 | 0:21:08 | |
Yes. Are you joining? We're still short of baritones. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:11 | |
I'd love to help you out, Mark, but I've got a lot of stuff to do. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:15 | |
Oh, really? Like what? | 0:21:15 | 0:21:16 | |
I'm behind on me bird watching. Gerry Cottle's Circus are in town. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:20 | |
I'm writing an extra verse for the Lord's Prayer. | 0:21:20 | 0:21:23 | |
You're not joking, are you? | 0:21:25 | 0:21:26 | |
There's still half your Stoke City programmes up there. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:35 | |
I'll come back for them. | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
All grown up, eh? My Neil. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:40 | |
Don't worry, Mum. I'll not forget you. | 0:21:42 | 0:21:45 | |
This is very kind of you, Malcolm. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
"Give to him who asks you, | 0:21:48 | 0:21:50 | |
"and from him who wants to borrow, do not turn away." | 0:21:50 | 0:21:52 | |
Matthew 5. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:54 | |
Well, I wouldn't say no to half a lager at the student union. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:56 | |
Malcolm 1. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
You all right, Neil? | 0:21:59 | 0:22:01 | |
Yes. Let's get it over with. | 0:22:01 | 0:22:04 | |
We'll have it dark. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
Here, Malcolm... | 0:22:07 | 0:22:10 | |
OK. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:11 | |
SHE SNIFFS | 0:22:17 | 0:22:19 | |
CHEEPING | 0:22:42 | 0:22:44 | |
I don't know how that came loose. | 0:22:50 | 0:22:52 | |
You've not got an eagle in there, have you? | 0:22:52 | 0:22:54 | |
What do you think of that? | 0:22:54 | 0:22:56 | |
What's the Neil Baldwin Football Club when it's at home? | 0:23:01 | 0:23:04 | |
My own team. | 0:23:04 | 0:23:05 | |
Picked by me. Managed by me. Captained by me. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:09 | |
At least you can't be dropped. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:11 | |
Exactly. You're vice-president. | 0:23:11 | 0:23:14 | |
Am I? Right. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:15 | |
Not President then? | 0:23:15 | 0:23:17 | |
Gary Lineker is President. | 0:23:17 | 0:23:18 | |
I'm just going to write to him to tell him the good news. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:21 | |
-RADIO REPORTER: -In other news, Stoke City have announced | 0:23:23 | 0:23:26 | |
the departure of their manager, Graham Paddon, | 0:23:26 | 0:23:28 | |
after just 18 games in charge. | 0:23:28 | 0:23:31 | |
The club's board thanked him for his hard work and dedication | 0:23:31 | 0:23:34 | |
and have said they'll act quickly to find a replacement... | 0:23:34 | 0:23:37 | |
Come in, Mark. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
Thank you for coming. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:10 | |
I'd use my own minister, but he tends to be more in demand. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
It is addressed to Neil. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:21 | |
I can see that. That's what worries me. | 0:24:21 | 0:24:24 | |
You remember that misunderstanding | 0:24:24 | 0:24:25 | |
around the payment for the coach hire? | 0:24:25 | 0:24:27 | |
I do. It cast a long shadow over the Alzheimer's picnic. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:31 | |
He isn't terribly good with money. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:33 | |
And who can forget what Paul reminded us in Romans? | 0:24:33 | 0:24:35 | |
Indeed. | 0:24:39 | 0:24:40 | |
"Owe no-one anything, except to love each other." | 0:24:40 | 0:24:42 | |
I'm not sure that can be applied | 0:24:42 | 0:24:44 | |
directly to contemporary financial transactions. | 0:24:44 | 0:24:46 | |
I want you to steam open the envelope and tell me what's inside it. | 0:24:46 | 0:24:50 | |
I don't know about that. | 0:24:50 | 0:24:52 | |
Well, I'm a Christadelphian, but you're Church of England. | 0:24:52 | 0:24:55 | |
Well, how is that relevant? | 0:24:55 | 0:24:56 | |
Well, firstly, Neil is Church of England | 0:24:56 | 0:24:58 | |
so, spiritually speaking, he is of your flock. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:01 | |
And, secondly, I think of the Church of England | 0:25:02 | 0:25:04 | |
as having a less rigorous moral code than my own. | 0:25:04 | 0:25:07 | |
What's he going to do when I'm not here to look after him? | 0:25:10 | 0:25:13 | |
We can appoint trustees. | 0:25:16 | 0:25:18 | |
And he seems to manage. | 0:25:18 | 0:25:21 | |
He has his adventures and... | 0:25:21 | 0:25:23 | |
How much is it for? | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
You might want to bear in mind | 0:25:30 | 0:25:32 | |
you're talking to a woman with an enlarged aorta. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:34 | |
When was your last check up? | 0:25:34 | 0:25:36 | |
£800. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
Oh, I should never have let him move out. | 0:25:40 | 0:25:42 | |
This is my fault. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:43 | |
No, Mary. I'm sure there's a way of paying this by instalments. | 0:25:43 | 0:25:47 | |
I'll go over and see him right now. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:49 | |
No, he's not there. He's gone up to London. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:51 | |
Right. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:53 | |
On Parliamentary business, so he said. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
Where you going, mate? | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
House of Commons. | 0:26:31 | 0:26:33 | |
Figures. | 0:26:35 | 0:26:36 | |
Is Tony Benn in today? | 0:26:41 | 0:26:43 | |
Couldn't tell you that, sir. | 0:26:43 | 0:26:44 | |
Well, could you not find out if he's clocked on or not? | 0:26:47 | 0:26:50 | |
I can't move from here, I'm afraid. | 0:26:50 | 0:26:52 | |
Could you leave him this note? | 0:27:02 | 0:27:05 | |
I'm a friend of his son Stephen's from Keele University. | 0:27:05 | 0:27:08 | |
Thanks. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:17 | |
Did you really meet him? | 0:27:29 | 0:27:31 | |
Yes. He was very nice to me. | 0:27:31 | 0:27:34 | |
Poor Tony. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:38 | |
Poor Tony, yes. | 0:27:38 | 0:27:40 | |
Did you mention our drains to him? | 0:27:53 | 0:27:54 | |
He was very busy. | 0:27:54 | 0:27:56 | |
They've not been right | 0:27:56 | 0:27:58 | |
since next door did that paella for their ruby wedding. | 0:27:58 | 0:28:00 | |
No. | 0:28:00 | 0:28:02 | |
They were going to go barbecue | 0:28:02 | 0:28:04 | |
but the forecast was for low pressure from the east. | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 | |
£800. | 0:28:08 | 0:28:09 | |
That's not right. | 0:28:09 | 0:28:11 | |
No. It's not right, Neil. It's not right at all. | 0:28:11 | 0:28:14 | |
I buy an electric stamp every week at the post office. £5. | 0:28:15 | 0:28:19 | |
Neil, that only pays off £60. | 0:28:19 | 0:28:21 | |
This is the electricity you've actually used. | 0:28:21 | 0:28:24 | |
How do you even begin to use this much? | 0:28:24 | 0:28:27 | |
I pay a fiver a week. I buy a stamp. | 0:28:27 | 0:28:30 | |
Ask the woman at the post office. | 0:28:30 | 0:28:32 | |
How do you use that much? | 0:28:32 | 0:28:33 | |
I don't. The budgies do. | 0:28:33 | 0:28:37 | |
I have to keep 'em warm, don't I? | 0:28:37 | 0:28:39 | |
Please, tell me you don't | 0:28:39 | 0:28:40 | |
have that two-bar electric fire on all day and night. | 0:28:40 | 0:28:43 | |
Why shouldn't I? I pay it. I buy a stamp. | 0:28:43 | 0:28:47 | |
I've got it in a book somewhere. | 0:28:47 | 0:28:49 | |
How are we going to find £800? | 0:28:53 | 0:28:56 | |
Dunna worry, Mum. | 0:28:56 | 0:28:57 | |
Neil, love, the whole point of you moving out | 0:28:58 | 0:29:01 | |
was so you could learn to manage these things. | 0:29:01 | 0:29:04 | |
I-I'll pay it off when I get the Stoke City job. | 0:29:06 | 0:29:09 | |
There is no Stoke City job. | 0:29:09 | 0:29:12 | |
They appointed Lou Macari as the new manager this dinner time. | 0:29:12 | 0:29:16 | |
Then I'll go and see him. First thing tomorrow. | 0:29:16 | 0:29:20 | |
And Lou Macari's going to pay your electricity bill, is he? | 0:29:20 | 0:29:23 | |
I wouldn't have thought so. Why would he do that? | 0:29:24 | 0:29:27 | |
-WHISPERS: -God bless Dad and look after him. | 0:29:30 | 0:29:32 | |
And God bless Mum and let her not worry anymore. | 0:29:34 | 0:29:38 | |
God bless the students. | 0:29:40 | 0:29:42 | |
And God bless Norman Barrett, MBE, of Zippos Circus. | 0:29:44 | 0:29:48 | |
God bless Gordon Banks. | 0:29:51 | 0:29:53 | |
God bless... | 0:29:54 | 0:29:56 | |
..Ken Dodd. | 0:29:57 | 0:29:59 | |
And God bless Lou Macari and help him in his task | 0:30:01 | 0:30:05 | |
to return Stoke City to the top division | 0:30:05 | 0:30:08 | |
Amen. | 0:30:08 | 0:30:10 | |
Or to the play-offs, at least. | 0:30:16 | 0:30:19 | |
For, like Job, we have been sorely tested. | 0:30:20 | 0:30:23 | |
CHEERING | 0:30:25 | 0:30:27 | |
Lou! | 0:30:28 | 0:30:30 | |
# Why, why, why, Delilah? | 0:30:30 | 0:30:33 | |
# My, my, my Delilah | 0:30:33 | 0:30:39 | |
# So, before... # | 0:30:39 | 0:30:41 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:30:41 | 0:30:43 | |
Take us up, Lou. | 0:30:44 | 0:30:46 | |
I hope so. I really hope so. | 0:30:46 | 0:30:48 | |
No, I mean I know you will. | 0:30:48 | 0:30:50 | |
Good. Great. Aye. Top man. | 0:30:50 | 0:30:52 | |
I told my vicar he'll make bishop one day | 0:30:52 | 0:30:55 | |
and I'll be right about that, too! | 0:30:55 | 0:30:57 | |
Aye, right. Great. That's, eh... | 0:30:57 | 0:30:58 | |
That's great. | 0:30:58 | 0:31:00 | |
Macari! | 0:31:00 | 0:31:02 | |
ALL: Macari! Macari! Macari! | 0:31:02 | 0:31:06 | |
Macari! Macari! Macari! | 0:31:06 | 0:31:09 | |
Macari! Macari! Macari! | 0:31:09 | 0:31:12 | |
Macari! Macari! Macari! Macari! | 0:31:12 | 0:31:17 | |
You've not been waiting out there all day, have you? | 0:31:51 | 0:31:53 | |
I have, yeah. In case you needed me, like. | 0:31:53 | 0:31:57 | |
Well, that's very good of you, but have you not got work to do? | 0:31:57 | 0:32:01 | |
I'm out of work at the moment. | 0:32:01 | 0:32:03 | |
I'm sorry to hear that. | 0:32:03 | 0:32:05 | |
And what's your trade? | 0:32:05 | 0:32:07 | |
Circus clown. | 0:32:07 | 0:32:09 | |
Oh, right. And what was your act? | 0:32:09 | 0:32:11 | |
Making people happy, you know, | 0:32:12 | 0:32:14 | |
I used to get chucked off the back of a fire engine every night. | 0:32:14 | 0:32:19 | |
So how come you got sacked? | 0:32:19 | 0:32:20 | |
Face didn't fit. | 0:32:21 | 0:32:23 | |
-Night, then. -Night. | 0:32:27 | 0:32:29 | |
A clown, you say? | 0:32:31 | 0:32:33 | |
How do you fancy coming to work for me? | 0:32:34 | 0:32:37 | |
Kit man. | 0:32:37 | 0:32:38 | |
It'd be great, yeah. | 0:32:38 | 0:32:40 | |
I'll have to square it with the university, like, | 0:32:40 | 0:32:43 | |
but I think they'll be all right with it. | 0:32:43 | 0:32:45 | |
What do you do at the university? | 0:32:45 | 0:32:47 | |
Help 'em out. With the students. | 0:32:47 | 0:32:50 | |
You don't get flung off the back of a fire truck there, as well? | 0:32:50 | 0:32:53 | |
No. It's not really called for. | 0:32:53 | 0:32:56 | |
I suppose not. | 0:32:56 | 0:32:58 | |
Well I'll...see you on Monday, then, aye? | 0:32:59 | 0:33:02 | |
See you Monday, Lou. | 0:33:02 | 0:33:04 | |
Top man. | 0:33:08 | 0:33:09 | |
Are you absolutely sure you've got this right, Neil? | 0:33:13 | 0:33:16 | |
The manager of Stoke City, Mr Lou Macari, | 0:33:16 | 0:33:20 | |
offering you, Neil Baldwin, a job? | 0:33:20 | 0:33:22 | |
Mr Lou Macari of Manchester United and Scotland. | 0:33:22 | 0:33:25 | |
Yes. I'm starting a file on him. | 0:33:25 | 0:33:28 | |
Do you want a biscuit? | 0:33:28 | 0:33:30 | |
No. But you have one. And don't make crumbs. | 0:33:30 | 0:33:33 | |
I can only just see the pattern on the carpet as it is. | 0:33:33 | 0:33:36 | |
I know better than anyone how much you love football. | 0:33:44 | 0:33:47 | |
I know you love football because of me. | 0:33:47 | 0:33:50 | |
It's just that... | 0:33:51 | 0:33:53 | |
What exactly does it entail, this job? | 0:33:53 | 0:33:57 | |
Laying out the clean kit. Picking up the dirty kit. | 0:33:58 | 0:34:01 | |
Taking it to a laundry. | 0:34:01 | 0:34:03 | |
Well, you had me believing you till then. | 0:34:03 | 0:34:06 | |
You've never so much as picked up a dirty sock in your lifetime! | 0:34:07 | 0:34:11 | |
Your bedroom's like the hold in Noah's Ark. | 0:34:11 | 0:34:13 | |
Are you sure you've got that right? | 0:34:17 | 0:34:19 | |
Are you sure you've got this right? | 0:34:19 | 0:34:22 | |
Are you sure you've got this right? | 0:34:22 | 0:34:24 | |
Tell the boss Nello's here. | 0:34:24 | 0:34:26 | |
What can I say? | 0:34:30 | 0:34:31 | |
He was the right man for the job. | 0:34:31 | 0:34:33 | |
Thank you very much. | 0:34:36 | 0:34:37 | |
Come on. | 0:34:39 | 0:34:40 | |
O, ye of little faith. | 0:34:43 | 0:34:45 | |
Wherefore didst thou doubt? | 0:34:45 | 0:34:47 | |
Matthew 14. | 0:34:51 | 0:34:53 | |
Come on, out of the way. We don't want any more injuries. | 0:35:05 | 0:35:09 | |
-Who's that? -New kit man. | 0:35:09 | 0:35:11 | |
Keep it tight. Get in behind that lumbering full-back o' theirs. | 0:35:18 | 0:35:22 | |
Defending corners we leave Laino up | 0:35:22 | 0:35:25 | |
but we need to get tight on their two big lads at corners. | 0:35:25 | 0:35:27 | |
Paddy, you stick to that big fella like glue, right? | 0:35:27 | 0:35:30 | |
Don't let him breathe. | 0:35:30 | 0:35:31 | |
First to the ball. Don't give them time or space. | 0:35:31 | 0:35:34 | |
Now, we do that in the first ten minutes and they won't worry us. | 0:35:34 | 0:35:37 | |
Laino! Whit? | 0:35:37 | 0:35:38 | |
What is it, son? | 0:35:39 | 0:35:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:35:41 | 0:35:43 | |
Oh, for fuck's sake! What are you like?! Get in here, you! | 0:35:44 | 0:35:48 | |
CROWD SINGS: # What the fuck? What the fuck? | 0:35:49 | 0:35:51 | |
# What the fucking hell is that? | 0:35:51 | 0:35:53 | |
# What the fucking hell is that? | 0:35:53 | 0:35:56 | |
# What the fuck? What the fuck? | 0:35:56 | 0:35:59 | |
# What the fucking hell is that? | 0:35:59 | 0:36:01 | |
# What the fucking hell is that? # | 0:36:01 | 0:36:05 | |
THEY CHEER AND SHOUT | 0:36:07 | 0:36:10 | |
Well done, lads. Great stuff out there today! Well played, Paddy son. | 0:36:12 | 0:36:16 | |
Well played, lads. | 0:36:16 | 0:36:17 | |
-..does my fucking brain in. -What brain?! -Oh, fuck off! | 0:36:20 | 0:36:23 | |
-Well, it's like a sieve. -Fuck off! | 0:36:23 | 0:36:25 | |
Check him out. He's trying to cheat! | 0:36:25 | 0:36:28 | |
He's trying to che-eat! He's high again! He's trying to cheat. | 0:36:28 | 0:36:31 | |
I-I took me head off. | 0:36:31 | 0:36:33 | |
Just in time, by the looks of you. | 0:36:34 | 0:36:37 | |
Bloody hell, Nello. | 0:36:37 | 0:36:38 | |
A few spuds round you and you'd make a roast dinner. | 0:36:38 | 0:36:40 | |
I talked a girl out of killing herself once. Young student. | 0:36:42 | 0:36:46 | |
Dressed as a chicken? | 0:36:47 | 0:36:48 | |
-No, course not. Dressed as Father Christmas. -Oh, right. | 0:36:50 | 0:36:53 | |
And what's that got to do with the chicken suit? | 0:36:54 | 0:36:57 | |
Fancy dress. Good for morale. | 0:36:57 | 0:37:00 | |
Charlie Carolli taught me that. | 0:37:01 | 0:37:03 | |
He's a very good friend of mine. | 0:37:03 | 0:37:05 | |
Just out of interest... | 0:37:13 | 0:37:15 | |
..what did you say to that girl who wanted to kill herself? | 0:37:16 | 0:37:19 | |
I-I said, "We've all got to go sometime, love, | 0:37:20 | 0:37:23 | |
"but why d'you have to go now?" | 0:37:23 | 0:37:25 | |
Night. | 0:37:28 | 0:37:30 | |
Night. | 0:37:31 | 0:37:32 | |
-All right, gorgeous? -All right. | 0:37:45 | 0:37:47 | |
-Ey-up! How's it going, Nello? -Good, yeah. | 0:37:47 | 0:37:50 | |
THEY CHANT: Nello! Nello! | 0:37:50 | 0:37:51 | |
All right, mong? | 0:37:55 | 0:37:56 | |
Make sure that tea's ready and waiting for tomorrow. | 0:37:56 | 0:37:59 | |
I'm not a mong. I'm a registered clown. | 0:37:59 | 0:38:02 | |
-That was a bit harsh. -You've got to carry on with it. | 0:38:04 | 0:38:08 | |
Didn't you feel he was picking on you because of your difficulties? | 0:38:12 | 0:38:16 | |
What difficulties? | 0:38:16 | 0:38:17 | |
ALL: # O Lord, my God | 0:38:24 | 0:38:28 | |
# When I in awesome wonder | 0:38:28 | 0:38:33 | |
# Consider all the works Thy hand hath made | 0:38:33 | 0:38:41 | |
# I see the stars | 0:38:41 | 0:38:45 | |
# I hear the mighty thunder | 0:38:45 | 0:38:49 | |
# Thy power throughout the universe displayed | 0:38:49 | 0:38:57 | |
# Then sings my soul | 0:38:58 | 0:39:01 | |
# My Saviour God, to Thee | 0:39:01 | 0:39:05 | |
# How great Thou art How great Thou art | 0:39:05 | 0:39:14 | |
# Then sings my soul my Saviour God, to Thee | 0:39:14 | 0:39:22 | |
# 'How great Thou art How great Thou art! # | 0:39:22 | 0:39:30 | |
CROWD CHEERS | 0:39:30 | 0:39:34 | |
CROWD CHANTS: You fat bastard! You fat bastard! | 0:39:38 | 0:39:41 | |
You fat bastard! You fat bastard! | 0:39:41 | 0:39:43 | |
You fat bastard! You fat bastard! | 0:39:43 | 0:39:46 | |
# When I look down | 0:39:47 | 0:39:50 | |
# From lofty mountain grandeur | 0:39:50 | 0:39:55 | |
# And hear the brook | 0:39:55 | 0:39:58 | |
# And feel the gentle breeze | 0:39:58 | 0:40:02 | |
# Then sings my soul | 0:40:02 | 0:40:05 | |
# My Saviour God, to Thee, | 0:40:05 | 0:40:10 | |
# How great Thou art... # | 0:40:10 | 0:40:11 | |
A shock signing? | 0:40:11 | 0:40:14 | |
He is a bit of an unknown quantity. Erm... | 0:40:14 | 0:40:16 | |
I don't even really want to reveal his name. | 0:40:16 | 0:40:19 | |
We'll let him do his own talking on the pitch. | 0:40:19 | 0:40:21 | |
He'll be given an opportunity, pre-season matches. | 0:40:21 | 0:40:24 | |
We've got to get some weight off him... | 0:40:24 | 0:40:27 | |
He's not in the best of condition. | 0:40:29 | 0:40:31 | |
You know, I've put my head on the chopping block and... | 0:40:31 | 0:40:34 | |
and taken that opportunity and brought him here. | 0:40:34 | 0:40:37 | |
Let's just see what lies ahead, Ivan. | 0:40:37 | 0:40:40 | |
Let's just take it from game to game. | 0:40:40 | 0:40:42 | |
# Then sings my soul | 0:40:50 | 0:40:53 | |
# My Saviour God, to Thee | 0:40:53 | 0:40:58 | |
# How great Thou art | 0:40:58 | 0:41:01 | |
# How great thou art! # | 0:41:01 | 0:41:06 | |
Well, he's, er... | 0:41:09 | 0:41:10 | |
He's Neil, isn't he? | 0:41:10 | 0:41:12 | |
You know what I mean. | 0:41:12 | 0:41:14 | |
I know. Neil, my son, yes. | 0:41:14 | 0:41:17 | |
Well, he's just, er... He's just great to have around. | 0:41:19 | 0:41:21 | |
He's funny. | 0:41:21 | 0:41:23 | |
He doesn't always mean to be. | 0:41:23 | 0:41:25 | |
Ah, well, that does make it a wee bit funnier. | 0:41:25 | 0:41:28 | |
-If you don't mind me saying. -No. Not at all. | 0:41:28 | 0:41:30 | |
-PLAYERS OUTSIDE: -'I fucking turned on a sixpence.' | 0:41:30 | 0:41:33 | |
'You couldn't fucking turn on a fucking manhole cover. | 0:41:33 | 0:41:35 | |
'You've got love handles like me missus | 0:41:35 | 0:41:37 | |
'and she's six months pregnant.' | 0:41:37 | 0:41:39 | |
'All right, Nello. You got a fucking brew on or what?' | 0:41:39 | 0:41:42 | |
Sorry about that, Mrs Baldwin. | 0:41:42 | 0:41:44 | |
Where were we? | 0:41:46 | 0:41:48 | |
You were telling me why you've given my Neil a job. | 0:41:48 | 0:41:50 | |
Well, he's... | 0:41:52 | 0:41:54 | |
He's genuine. | 0:41:54 | 0:41:55 | |
He doesn't have an angle. | 0:41:57 | 0:41:58 | |
And you go a long way in this game to find a bloke without an angle. | 0:41:58 | 0:42:02 | |
And the fact that... | 0:42:02 | 0:42:04 | |
Well, that he isn't, | 0:42:04 | 0:42:05 | |
perhaps, as quick on the uptake as... | 0:42:05 | 0:42:08 | |
Quick on the uptake? | 0:42:08 | 0:42:09 | |
We're talking about footballers here, Mrs Baldwin. | 0:42:09 | 0:42:12 | |
It's not exactly University Challenge out there. | 0:42:12 | 0:42:14 | |
Even so, I had thought... | 0:42:14 | 0:42:17 | |
Well... | 0:42:17 | 0:42:18 | |
I won't be around forever and I have to be sure he'll be all right. | 0:42:18 | 0:42:23 | |
Of course. What mother wouldn't want that? | 0:42:23 | 0:42:27 | |
I had put his name down for a monastery, | 0:42:27 | 0:42:29 | |
for when I'm not here, to keep an eye. | 0:42:29 | 0:42:30 | |
He seemed to like it there... | 0:42:30 | 0:42:33 | |
A monastery? Neil? | 0:42:33 | 0:42:35 | |
Your son belongs in a changing room, Mrs Baldwin. | 0:42:35 | 0:42:39 | |
He loves it here. And we love him. | 0:42:39 | 0:42:41 | |
God, he gives us all a lift. | 0:42:42 | 0:42:44 | |
And he's, God, he's indispensable. | 0:42:44 | 0:42:46 | |
-Paddy? -Yes, boss. | 0:42:48 | 0:42:50 | |
You'll do for me, young man. | 0:42:50 | 0:42:52 | |
Thanks, boss. | 0:42:52 | 0:42:54 | |
-Laino. -Yes, boss. | 0:42:54 | 0:42:55 | |
Just play. | 0:42:55 | 0:42:57 | |
How should I play, boss? | 0:42:57 | 0:42:58 | |
Play well. | 0:42:58 | 0:42:59 | |
And as for you, Thumper. | 0:42:59 | 0:43:02 | |
Bomber, boss. | 0:43:02 | 0:43:04 | |
I think you'll find Thumper's the name of the rabbit in Bambi. | 0:43:04 | 0:43:07 | |
I'm the boss. | 0:43:08 | 0:43:09 | |
If I call you Thumper, your name's Thumper. | 0:43:09 | 0:43:14 | |
Right, boss. | 0:43:14 | 0:43:15 | |
Let's just play the game right. | 0:43:15 | 0:43:18 | |
And the main thing is this, | 0:43:18 | 0:43:21 | |
this is what you've got to get into your noggins - | 0:43:21 | 0:43:25 | |
the main thing is, go out there | 0:43:25 | 0:43:29 | |
and score more goals than the other team. | 0:43:29 | 0:43:33 | |
-Yes! -Come on. -Come on, lads. Come on! | 0:43:33 | 0:43:37 | |
Thanks, Nello. | 0:43:37 | 0:43:39 | |
Was that supposed to be me, aye? | 0:43:39 | 0:43:42 | |
Brian Clough, boss. | 0:43:42 | 0:43:43 | |
Oh, right, Cloughie. | 0:43:43 | 0:43:45 | |
# Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole, | 0:43:58 | 0:44:01 | |
# Ole, Ole | 0:44:01 | 0:44:05 | |
# Ole, ole, ole, ole... # | 0:44:05 | 0:44:08 | |
Lou says I should give the team talk every week. | 0:44:08 | 0:44:12 | |
3-0. Not surprised. | 0:44:12 | 0:44:14 | |
There might be a problem this week. It's the boat race. | 0:44:14 | 0:44:17 | |
I never miss the boat race. | 0:44:17 | 0:44:19 | |
Can't you tape it? | 0:44:19 | 0:44:21 | |
I don't watch it on the telly. I'm on the river. | 0:44:21 | 0:44:24 | |
You might need to lose some weight if you're coxing. | 0:44:24 | 0:44:27 | |
I'm not in the crews. I'm on the launch behind, | 0:44:27 | 0:44:30 | |
with the umpire and that. | 0:44:30 | 0:44:32 | |
Hi, Neil. | 0:44:32 | 0:44:33 | |
Hiya, Molly. | 0:44:33 | 0:44:34 | |
How'd you wangle that? | 0:44:35 | 0:44:38 | |
I just asked. | 0:44:38 | 0:44:39 | |
You can't just get things by asking. | 0:44:39 | 0:44:41 | |
Can't you? | 0:44:41 | 0:44:43 | |
I can. | 0:44:43 | 0:44:44 | |
Great win Saturday, Nello. | 0:44:44 | 0:44:46 | |
Up the Potters, Farooq! | 0:44:46 | 0:44:48 | |
-COMMENTATOR: -A lot has been talked about the stroke | 0:45:09 | 0:45:11 | |
and he sets the rhythm. | 0:45:11 | 0:45:13 | |
There's Harry Mahon and John Wilson looking down... | 0:45:13 | 0:45:17 | |
Why would they let you on the umpire's launch? | 0:45:23 | 0:45:26 | |
Tradition. | 0:45:26 | 0:45:27 | |
Hey, Nello! How long you going to be with those fucking pads? | 0:45:33 | 0:45:36 | |
Sort your own pads out. | 0:45:36 | 0:45:38 | |
-Whoa! -Yes, get in! -Go on! | 0:45:38 | 0:45:40 | |
-My man! -You tell him, Nello! | 0:45:40 | 0:45:42 | |
You flash bastard. | 0:45:42 | 0:45:44 | |
Did you put your wife's knickers on by mistake this morning | 0:45:44 | 0:45:47 | |
or is there something you want to tell us? | 0:45:47 | 0:45:49 | |
Pure silk boxer shorts, these, boss. | 0:45:49 | 0:45:52 | |
Kendal Mills, Deansgate. | 0:45:52 | 0:45:54 | |
If you're spending that much on underpants, I'm paying you too much. | 0:45:54 | 0:45:58 | |
Valuable cargo. | 0:45:58 | 0:45:59 | |
They don't keep the crown jewels in a Cornflakes box. | 0:45:59 | 0:46:02 | |
Eh, how much do you spend on your underpants, Nello? | 0:46:04 | 0:46:08 | |
Nothing. My mum buys them for me. | 0:46:08 | 0:46:11 | |
Very wise. | 0:46:11 | 0:46:12 | |
Might be because you're protecting as little as possible, mate! | 0:46:12 | 0:46:16 | |
They weren't very nice to you. | 0:46:23 | 0:46:25 | |
There's always banter. | 0:46:25 | 0:46:27 | |
Nello? Nello? | 0:46:35 | 0:46:36 | |
Yes, boss? | 0:46:36 | 0:46:38 | |
Have you put on weight? | 0:46:38 | 0:46:40 | |
A bit. | 0:46:41 | 0:46:42 | |
Your mother will kill me. | 0:46:42 | 0:46:44 | |
I promised her I'd help you lose weight. | 0:46:44 | 0:46:47 | |
Come on, Laino. I told you, first touch. | 0:46:48 | 0:46:51 | |
First touch! | 0:46:51 | 0:46:52 | |
Where the fuck are my boxer shorts? | 0:46:59 | 0:47:00 | |
Which one of you bastards has 'em? | 0:47:00 | 0:47:03 | |
60 fucking quid's worth. That must be a blow. | 0:47:03 | 0:47:05 | |
Hang on. My pants have gone, too. | 0:47:05 | 0:47:08 | |
What the fuck? | 0:47:08 | 0:47:09 | |
Some thievin' YTS lad has definitely had 'em off, million percent. | 0:47:09 | 0:47:12 | |
Yeah, that'll be it. | 0:47:12 | 0:47:14 | |
Yeah. Those YTS boys, they'll steal anything that isn't nailed down. | 0:47:14 | 0:47:19 | |
Who asked you? | 0:47:19 | 0:47:20 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:47:23 | 0:47:24 | |
No! No, Nello, you haven't. | 0:47:24 | 0:47:26 | |
Yours are on the bottom. And they're a waste of money. | 0:47:29 | 0:47:32 | |
They're chafing right up my undercarriage. | 0:47:32 | 0:47:35 | |
# My, my, my, Delilah! | 0:47:38 | 0:47:43 | |
# Why, why, why, Delilah! | 0:47:43 | 0:47:49 | |
# So before they come to break down the door | 0:47:49 | 0:47:54 | |
# Forgive me, Delilah, I just couldn't take any more. # | 0:47:54 | 0:47:59 | |
# So before you come to break down the door | 0:48:01 | 0:48:07 | |
# Forgive me, Delilah, I just couldn't take any more | 0:48:09 | 0:48:13 | |
HE HUMS | 0:48:16 | 0:48:19 | |
# Why, why, why, Delilah | 0:48:21 | 0:48:26 | |
# So before... # | 0:48:28 | 0:48:30 | |
Mum? | 0:48:36 | 0:48:37 | |
-Her eyes... -Mary? Can you watch this light. | 0:48:39 | 0:48:41 | |
..aren't what they were. She has bifocals. | 0:48:41 | 0:48:45 | |
Do you know where you are, Mary? | 0:48:45 | 0:48:47 | |
I don't think either of them are right. | 0:48:47 | 0:48:49 | |
Do you know where you are? | 0:48:49 | 0:48:51 | |
-Me Dad died here. -Hold my hand, Mrs Baldwin. | 0:48:51 | 0:48:54 | |
-When he was young. -Can you grip it tight? | 0:48:54 | 0:48:56 | |
-I was young, too. -That's good. | 0:48:56 | 0:48:59 | |
And I did very well. | 0:48:59 | 0:49:01 | |
And the other hand, can you do that one, too? | 0:49:01 | 0:49:03 | |
She has bifocals. | 0:49:03 | 0:49:05 | |
She's very healthy. I-I'm not so healthy. She eats salad. | 0:49:05 | 0:49:10 | |
I eat chips. She's always telling me. | 0:49:10 | 0:49:12 | |
We're going to get a consultant down to look at her. | 0:49:12 | 0:49:15 | |
I'd rather it was a doctor. | 0:49:15 | 0:49:17 | |
He's better than a doctor. | 0:49:17 | 0:49:19 | |
When will I take her home? | 0:49:19 | 0:49:20 | |
I have to call a taxi. | 0:49:20 | 0:49:22 | |
She won't be going home tonight, I'm afraid. | 0:49:22 | 0:49:24 | |
-She really is very poorly right now. -She is, isn't she? | 0:49:24 | 0:49:27 | |
I think we need to get that consultant right away. | 0:49:28 | 0:49:31 | |
He's busy but he'll be down as soon as possible. | 0:49:31 | 0:49:33 | |
Is it Mr Saeed? | 0:49:33 | 0:49:35 | |
Yes, as a matter of fact. Why, do you know him? | 0:49:35 | 0:49:38 | |
He's a very good friend of mine. | 0:49:38 | 0:49:40 | |
Neil! | 0:49:40 | 0:49:42 | |
How are you? Everything OK? | 0:49:42 | 0:49:44 | |
Very well, thank you. | 0:49:44 | 0:49:45 | |
Are we going to beat Portsmouth on Saturday? | 0:49:45 | 0:49:47 | |
If Laino's fit, we can beat anyone. | 0:49:47 | 0:49:49 | |
I love your attitude. This man is a force for good. | 0:49:49 | 0:49:52 | |
Has my registrar been looking after you? | 0:49:52 | 0:49:54 | |
He's very young. | 0:49:54 | 0:49:55 | |
My mum has had an episode. | 0:49:57 | 0:49:59 | |
OK. | 0:49:59 | 0:50:00 | |
OK. Well, let's see what we can do, shall we? | 0:50:00 | 0:50:02 | |
Have you ordered a CT scan? Bloods? BP? | 0:50:02 | 0:50:05 | |
Come on. What's been keeping you? | 0:50:05 | 0:50:06 | |
OK, let's go and have a look at her, shall we? | 0:50:08 | 0:50:11 | |
-TELEVISION: -'Somersault, short. | 0:50:17 | 0:50:19 | |
'That's the bone of cosmic triple, not big but fatal. | 0:50:19 | 0:50:22 | |
'That's why we're going to start from the beginning | 0:50:22 | 0:50:25 | |
'and make each move perfect before we go onto the next. | 0:50:25 | 0:50:27 | |
'I'll run it again for you.' | 0:50:27 | 0:50:29 | |
Ey-up, Nello. How's it going? | 0:50:33 | 0:50:36 | |
Shocking. | 0:50:36 | 0:50:37 | |
Is Laino going to be fit for Saturday? | 0:50:37 | 0:50:40 | |
Course he is, yeah. Dunna worry about that. | 0:50:40 | 0:50:42 | |
Thanks. | 0:50:56 | 0:50:57 | |
Now, Neil. your mum has had a heart attack. | 0:51:04 | 0:51:07 | |
And that is where the oxygen isn't getting to her brain, | 0:51:07 | 0:51:10 | |
and that is why she is confused. | 0:51:10 | 0:51:13 | |
A heart attack. Yes. | 0:51:13 | 0:51:15 | |
So you are going to have to be strong or your mum now, | 0:51:15 | 0:51:18 | |
cos she needs you to be. | 0:51:18 | 0:51:19 | |
I-I'll pray for her. | 0:51:20 | 0:51:22 | |
That would be a good idea. | 0:51:22 | 0:51:24 | |
And I'll visit. | 0:51:26 | 0:51:27 | |
Also good. | 0:51:27 | 0:51:29 | |
I'll get the Christadelphians to pray for her, too. | 0:51:29 | 0:51:32 | |
Excellent idea. | 0:51:32 | 0:51:33 | |
A-and you. At the Temple. | 0:51:33 | 0:51:36 | |
The more, the merrier, that's what I say. | 0:51:36 | 0:51:39 | |
Very wise. | 0:51:39 | 0:51:40 | |
Have her home in no time, eh? | 0:51:42 | 0:51:44 | |
Well, there is a possibility, Neil, | 0:51:44 | 0:51:46 | |
that she might not be able to come home. | 0:51:46 | 0:51:48 | |
Her health hasn't been very good for a while now, as you know. | 0:51:48 | 0:51:52 | |
Social services think they may have to find her | 0:51:52 | 0:51:55 | |
somewhere she can live and be looked after. | 0:51:55 | 0:51:58 | |
Do you understand? | 0:52:00 | 0:52:02 | |
I-I do. Yes. | 0:52:02 | 0:52:03 | |
Have her home in no time, eh? | 0:52:04 | 0:52:06 | |
Morning, boss. | 0:52:19 | 0:52:20 | |
You take as much time off as you need, Neil. All right? | 0:52:24 | 0:52:28 | |
There's nothing more important than your mother's health. | 0:52:28 | 0:52:31 | |
I don't need to take any time off. She's going to get better. | 0:52:31 | 0:52:35 | |
How do you do it, Nello? | 0:52:38 | 0:52:41 | |
How do you stay so positive? | 0:52:41 | 0:52:43 | |
I've always wanted to be happy, so I decided to be. | 0:52:46 | 0:52:50 | |
Brilliant. | 0:52:52 | 0:52:54 | |
I'm going to write some of this stuff down. | 0:52:54 | 0:52:56 | |
If-if bad things happen, you think about good things. | 0:52:57 | 0:53:01 | |
Like what? | 0:53:02 | 0:53:04 | |
Like... | 0:53:04 | 0:53:06 | |
best signing you ever made. | 0:53:06 | 0:53:08 | |
Oh... | 0:53:09 | 0:53:10 | |
I wouldn't know where to start. | 0:53:12 | 0:53:14 | |
With their shorts. | 0:53:14 | 0:53:16 | |
The cleaner the shorts, the better the player. | 0:53:18 | 0:53:21 | |
It means they've stayed on their feet longer. | 0:53:21 | 0:53:24 | |
Well, if you don't mind me saying, | 0:53:26 | 0:53:29 | |
that's very much a kit man's point of view. | 0:53:29 | 0:53:31 | |
-Cloughie thought it, too. -Oh. | 0:53:34 | 0:53:35 | |
So now I'm arguing with you and Cloughie, am I? | 0:53:38 | 0:53:41 | |
I'm assuming the budgie is not part of the food shop, son. | 0:53:55 | 0:53:59 | |
It's for me. | 0:53:59 | 0:54:01 | |
The man at the pet shop gave me a discount. | 0:54:01 | 0:54:04 | |
I got your shopping. | 0:54:04 | 0:54:06 | |
Did you not take a list, Neil? I gave you a list. | 0:54:09 | 0:54:12 | |
I did it from memory. | 0:54:13 | 0:54:15 | |
Whose memory's this? Not mine, that's for certain. | 0:54:15 | 0:54:19 | |
I've never eaten any of this stuff in my life. | 0:54:19 | 0:54:22 | |
What did you pay for all this? | 0:54:22 | 0:54:24 | |
Wasn't Doris on? | 0:54:24 | 0:54:27 | |
-I've got it here somewhere. -It doesn't matter, really. | 0:54:27 | 0:54:30 | |
Just take the list next time, will you? | 0:54:30 | 0:54:33 | |
I'll write you a new one. Fetch me the writing pad. | 0:54:33 | 0:54:37 | |
I've been keeping my flat clean, as well. | 0:54:40 | 0:54:42 | |
Good. | 0:54:44 | 0:54:45 | |
What about you? When did you last have a shave? | 0:54:46 | 0:54:50 | |
I'm going to call him Macari. | 0:54:50 | 0:54:52 | |
Who? | 0:54:52 | 0:54:53 | |
Me budgie. | 0:54:53 | 0:54:55 | |
I'm going to call him Macari. After Lou Macari. | 0:54:55 | 0:54:59 | |
Right. | 0:55:00 | 0:55:01 | |
'Everything has to start' | 0:55:01 | 0:55:03 | |
and end with love. | 0:55:03 | 0:55:04 | |
It's a simple message but one that we can forget all too easily. | 0:55:06 | 0:55:09 | |
Now, as it says in Corinthians 1, | 0:55:12 | 0:55:14 | |
"If I speak in the tongues of mortals and angels | 0:55:14 | 0:55:18 | |
"but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or clashing cymbal." | 0:55:18 | 0:55:22 | |
Now, I think we have all encountered one or two noisy gongs in our lives. | 0:55:25 | 0:55:29 | |
You are looking after yourself, aren't you, Neil? | 0:55:42 | 0:55:44 | |
Yes. I am. | 0:55:44 | 0:55:46 | |
I always have. | 0:55:46 | 0:55:48 | |
Well, with your mum in the home and so on, | 0:55:52 | 0:55:55 | |
I can't help noticing, well... | 0:55:55 | 0:55:57 | |
I think you need to maybe take extra care of yourself. | 0:55:57 | 0:56:01 | |
So your mum doesn't worry too much about you. | 0:56:01 | 0:56:04 | |
I've got the Lord. | 0:56:04 | 0:56:06 | |
You have indeed. | 0:56:06 | 0:56:08 | |
I've got the students. | 0:56:09 | 0:56:11 | |
Yes. | 0:56:11 | 0:56:12 | |
I've got Stoke City, and I've got me mum. | 0:56:12 | 0:56:15 | |
What I want you to think about, Neil, is what you would do | 0:56:21 | 0:56:25 | |
if one of them wasn't there? | 0:56:25 | 0:56:27 | |
Well, I'd probably have the time to join the choir, for a start. | 0:56:32 | 0:56:36 | |
Right. | 0:56:39 | 0:56:40 | |
Right. | 0:56:41 | 0:56:43 | |
You feeling better for our little chat, Mark? | 0:56:43 | 0:56:45 | |
Yes. | 0:56:47 | 0:56:48 | |
Thank you, Neil. | 0:56:48 | 0:56:50 | |
-RADIO REPORTER: -Police would like to talk to anyone | 0:56:56 | 0:56:58 | |
who was in the area in the early hours of Sunday morning. | 0:56:58 | 0:57:01 | |
More on that breaking story now, | 0:57:01 | 0:57:03 | |
we go over to the Victoria Ground where Lou Macari has resigned | 0:57:03 | 0:57:07 | |
as Stoke City manager to take up the vacant post at Glasgow Celtic. | 0:57:07 | 0:57:12 | |
The club has said they have already begun their search | 0:57:12 | 0:57:15 | |
for a first class successor. | 0:57:15 | 0:57:17 | |
I've no comment to make right now but there will be a press conference | 0:57:19 | 0:57:23 | |
later on, so you can check that and see how we go. Thank you. | 0:57:23 | 0:57:27 | |
During his time at the club, Macari took the Potters | 0:57:27 | 0:57:30 | |
to the play offs, automatic promotion with a... | 0:57:30 | 0:57:33 | |
Nello. | 0:57:46 | 0:57:48 | |
When Celtic come calling, a Glasgow boy like me has to say, yes. | 0:57:48 | 0:57:53 | |
I know that, yes. | 0:57:53 | 0:57:56 | |
And whoever takes over here, | 0:57:57 | 0:57:59 | |
I'll bet they'll find you as valuable as I did. | 0:57:59 | 0:58:02 | |
Do you want me to come? To Celtic? | 0:58:03 | 0:58:05 | |
Oh, I'd love you to. But I think you're Stoke through and through. | 0:58:05 | 0:58:09 | |
And I think the Rangers fans might eat you alive. | 0:58:11 | 0:58:14 | |
You're right. I'll stay put. | 0:58:14 | 0:58:16 | |
With me mum in the home and that. | 0:58:16 | 0:58:19 | |
She depends on me for shopping. | 0:58:19 | 0:58:21 | |
Exactly. | 0:58:22 | 0:58:24 | |
So, no hard feelings then? | 0:58:24 | 0:58:26 | |
No hard feelings. | 0:58:26 | 0:58:28 | |
You staying on for Tommo's testimonial? | 0:58:29 | 0:58:32 | |
Oh, I can do better than that. I'm putting you on the bench. | 0:58:32 | 0:58:36 | |
I'm always on the bench. | 0:58:36 | 0:58:38 | |
That isn't what I mean. | 0:58:38 | 0:58:40 | |
Come with me. | 0:58:42 | 0:58:43 | |
Midfield or striker? | 0:58:53 | 0:58:55 | |
Oh. | 0:58:57 | 0:58:58 | |
I haven't thought about that yet. | 0:58:58 | 0:59:00 | |
I'm not as quick as I was. | 0:59:00 | 0:59:01 | |
Oh, I dare say. | 0:59:01 | 0:59:03 | |
But the first two yards are in the head, eh, boss? | 0:59:03 | 0:59:07 | |
Exactly. | 0:59:07 | 0:59:08 | |
Don't be late, Baldwin. | 0:59:10 | 0:59:12 | |
No, boss. | 0:59:13 | 0:59:15 | |
I'll be there. | 0:59:15 | 0:59:17 | |
Hiya, Mum. | 0:59:58 | 0:59:59 | |
I see you've had a shave. That's something. | 1:00:02 | 1:00:05 | |
Aye. I've done all your errands and all. | 1:00:05 | 1:00:09 | |
Have you now? Can't have everything, I suppose. | 1:00:09 | 1:00:12 | |
Skimmed milk cos it's good for your faulty ticker. | 1:00:12 | 1:00:16 | |
Rice pudding. | 1:00:16 | 1:00:18 | |
Bananas, cos the apples are tough on your dentures | 1:00:18 | 1:00:21 | |
at this time of year, | 1:00:21 | 1:00:23 | |
and a packet of Imodium for your... | 1:00:23 | 1:00:25 | |
For my indigestion. Thank you. | 1:00:25 | 1:00:27 | |
Well, well, well. | 1:00:29 | 1:00:31 | |
You could do it after all. | 1:00:31 | 1:00:32 | |
I met Ken Dodd again last week. | 1:00:35 | 1:00:37 | |
He's a very good friend of mine. | 1:00:38 | 1:00:40 | |
The woman what runs it, this place, like, | 1:00:45 | 1:00:48 | |
she wants me to come in as Nello the Clown tomorrow. | 1:00:48 | 1:00:52 | |
So I will. | 1:00:52 | 1:00:54 | |
That'll cheer everyone up. | 1:00:54 | 1:00:56 | |
I asked her if I can bring you a canary, | 1:00:56 | 1:01:00 | |
and she said, "Certainly." | 1:01:00 | 1:01:02 | |
I'll fetch you one in. | 1:01:02 | 1:01:04 | |
You're a good lad, Neil. | 1:01:04 | 1:01:06 | |
You know that business where you wanted to be a vicar. | 1:01:09 | 1:01:12 | |
Oh, that's all water under the bridge now, Mum. | 1:01:12 | 1:01:16 | |
I didn't want to be bothered with doing a degree and what-have-you. | 1:01:16 | 1:01:19 | |
I know, son, but I didn't want you thinking | 1:01:19 | 1:01:22 | |
that I didn't think you could do anything you wanted. | 1:01:22 | 1:01:25 | |
Anything at all. | 1:01:25 | 1:01:27 | |
I'm playing for Stoke City tonight. | 1:01:30 | 1:01:33 | |
Come on, Mam. It's only a testimonial. | 1:01:43 | 1:01:46 | |
Don't go just yet. | 1:01:51 | 1:01:52 | |
No, I won't. | 1:01:52 | 1:01:54 | |
Stay and hold my hand a while, eh? | 1:01:55 | 1:01:58 | |
Course. | 1:01:58 | 1:01:59 | |
They used to call me Holy Mary, you know. | 1:02:09 | 1:02:12 | |
I know, Mum. I know. | 1:02:12 | 1:02:14 | |
I'm very proud of you. | 1:02:17 | 1:02:19 | |
Laino! Move wide! Move wide! | 1:02:37 | 1:02:41 | |
Nello. Go and warm up. | 1:02:48 | 1:02:51 | |
CROWD CHANTING: The referee's a wanker! | 1:02:52 | 1:02:54 | |
The referee's a wanker...! | 1:02:54 | 1:02:55 | |
CHEERING | 1:03:03 | 1:03:05 | |
CHANTING: Nello! Nello! Nello! Nello! | 1:03:09 | 1:03:13 | |
# Bring him on, bring him on, bring him on! | 1:03:19 | 1:03:23 | |
# Bring him on, bring him on, bring him on! | 1:03:23 | 1:03:29 | |
# Bring him on, bring him on! | 1:03:29 | 1:03:32 | |
Paddy! Get over here! | 1:03:32 | 1:03:35 | |
I'm going to bring Nello on. | 1:03:35 | 1:03:37 | |
When he gets in the penalty area everybody get out. | 1:03:37 | 1:03:40 | |
Let him score, OK? | 1:03:40 | 1:03:41 | |
Tell our lads and tell the Villa lads, too. | 1:03:41 | 1:03:44 | |
All right, boss. | 1:03:44 | 1:03:46 | |
Nello! Get over here! You're going on! | 1:03:46 | 1:03:48 | |
Here, now just... | 1:03:50 | 1:03:52 | |
Just hang about in their penalty area, right? | 1:03:52 | 1:03:55 | |
And cause them problems. | 1:03:55 | 1:03:56 | |
How would I do that? | 1:03:56 | 1:03:58 | |
Well, you're causing me problems just looking at you | 1:03:58 | 1:04:01 | |
-so it shouldn't be too hard. -OK, boss. | 1:04:01 | 1:04:03 | |
Anything comes near you, you hit it, all right? | 1:04:03 | 1:04:05 | |
Right, boss. Like a brick outhouse. | 1:04:05 | 1:04:08 | |
No, no, I mean the ball, not the other players. | 1:04:08 | 1:04:10 | |
-All right. -Hey. | 1:04:10 | 1:04:12 | |
Score one for your mum, Nello. OK? | 1:04:14 | 1:04:16 | |
OK? She'll like that. | 1:04:16 | 1:04:18 | |
Good luck, Nello. | 1:04:18 | 1:04:20 | |
Well played, Thumper. | 1:04:20 | 1:04:22 | |
It's Bomber. Like a plane or something, not Thumper. | 1:04:22 | 1:04:25 | |
-CHANTING: -City! | 1:04:27 | 1:04:29 | |
City! | 1:04:31 | 1:04:32 | |
City! | 1:04:34 | 1:04:35 | |
This really happened by the way. | 1:04:38 | 1:04:40 | |
Did it? | 1:04:40 | 1:04:41 | |
Yeah, it actually did. How could I let the fans down? | 1:04:41 | 1:04:44 | |
SOUNDS OF THE CROWD FADE | 1:05:24 | 1:05:26 | |
ECHOING CHEERS | 1:05:36 | 1:05:39 | |
Did it really happen like that? | 1:05:48 | 1:05:50 | |
No. | 1:05:50 | 1:05:51 | |
Come on, Nello. Cheer up, mate! | 1:05:54 | 1:05:57 | |
It's only a fucking testimonial. | 1:05:57 | 1:05:58 | |
I think it must have hit a bobble before I hit it. | 1:05:58 | 1:06:01 | |
Sorry I let you down, boss. | 1:06:37 | 1:06:39 | |
What? When did you let me down? | 1:06:40 | 1:06:42 | |
Tonight. | 1:06:42 | 1:06:43 | |
After I slipped my marker. I should have buried it. | 1:06:43 | 1:06:48 | |
I don't think slipping your marker was the problem, Neil. | 1:06:48 | 1:06:50 | |
I think maybe when you fell over. | 1:06:50 | 1:06:52 | |
The first time? | 1:06:52 | 1:06:54 | |
Well, to be honest, I don't think the second time helped, either. | 1:06:54 | 1:06:57 | |
I skied the shot a bit, didn't I? | 1:06:58 | 1:07:00 | |
Aye, just a wee bit. | 1:07:00 | 1:07:02 | |
I think the ball's still rising now. | 1:07:02 | 1:07:04 | |
I think Jodrell Bank has just picked it up. | 1:07:04 | 1:07:07 | |
Must have hit a bobble. | 1:07:07 | 1:07:09 | |
Blinking groundsman. | 1:07:09 | 1:07:11 | |
Happens to the best of us. | 1:07:11 | 1:07:12 | |
I wouldn't let it worry you. | 1:07:12 | 1:07:14 | |
All the best, boss. | 1:07:14 | 1:07:16 | |
It was you, by the way. | 1:07:17 | 1:07:19 | |
What was? | 1:07:20 | 1:07:22 | |
Remember when you asked me who the best signing I'd ever made was? | 1:07:23 | 1:07:27 | |
It was you, mate. | 1:07:29 | 1:07:30 | |
No contest. | 1:07:30 | 1:07:32 | |
Neil. | 1:08:09 | 1:08:10 | |
You hadn't forgotten, had you? I said I'd come as Nello and I did. | 1:08:10 | 1:08:14 | |
I've brought the canary, too. | 1:08:14 | 1:08:16 | |
It's not part of the act, it's for my mum. | 1:08:16 | 1:08:20 | |
Could you come into the office for a minute, duck? | 1:08:20 | 1:08:23 | |
It was very peaceful. | 1:08:31 | 1:08:33 | |
Yes. | 1:08:36 | 1:08:37 | |
She died in her sleep. | 1:08:37 | 1:08:39 | |
And she died proud of you. | 1:08:39 | 1:08:41 | |
We went in this morning and found her. | 1:08:43 | 1:08:46 | |
This morning? | 1:08:48 | 1:08:50 | |
That's right. | 1:08:50 | 1:08:53 | |
I rang this morning. | 1:08:53 | 1:08:55 | |
We wanted to tell you in person. | 1:08:56 | 1:08:58 | |
We thought it was better that way. | 1:08:58 | 1:09:01 | |
She didn't want me to leave. | 1:09:05 | 1:09:07 | |
Last night. | 1:09:09 | 1:09:12 | |
When I had to get my bus, she... | 1:09:12 | 1:09:14 | |
She didn't want me to leave. | 1:09:15 | 1:09:17 | |
-Morning. -Hiya. | 1:09:40 | 1:09:42 | |
There aren't many mums | 1:10:49 | 1:10:50 | |
who'd let their sons run off to join the circus. | 1:10:50 | 1:10:53 | |
But my mum did. | 1:10:54 | 1:10:56 | |
And she used to worry about my weight, | 1:10:57 | 1:11:01 | |
and she tried to give me salad, but she meant well. | 1:11:01 | 1:11:05 | |
And, after my dad died, we were a team. | 1:11:07 | 1:11:12 | |
Like Stoke City. | 1:11:12 | 1:11:14 | |
We were a team. And she worried about me. | 1:11:14 | 1:11:18 | |
And she didn't have to worry about me. | 1:11:18 | 1:11:21 | |
But she did anyway. | 1:11:21 | 1:11:23 | |
And she taught me good manners. | 1:11:24 | 1:11:27 | |
And that it's good to be nice to people. | 1:11:27 | 1:11:30 | |
And that's what I try to be. | 1:11:32 | 1:11:33 | |
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. | 1:11:47 | 1:11:50 | |
Thank you for coming. | 1:11:50 | 1:11:51 | |
Thank you for coming. | 1:11:53 | 1:11:54 | |
Thanks for coming. | 1:11:55 | 1:11:56 | |
Anything you need, Neil, call me. | 1:12:00 | 1:12:02 | |
I'm doing well, though, aren't I? | 1:12:02 | 1:12:05 | |
You're doing very well. Yes. | 1:12:05 | 1:12:07 | |
I suppose I've got time for the choir now. | 1:12:08 | 1:12:11 | |
Why not? You OK for a lift? | 1:12:11 | 1:12:14 | |
You're coming with me, aren't you? | 1:12:14 | 1:12:15 | |
Am I? Oh, right. | 1:12:17 | 1:12:19 | |
Mary would have loved the service today. | 1:12:20 | 1:12:22 | |
I'm doing well, though, aren't I? | 1:12:22 | 1:12:25 | |
You are, Neil. You really are. | 1:12:26 | 1:12:28 | |
# He leadeth me | 1:12:38 | 1:12:40 | |
# The quiet waters by | 1:12:42 | 1:12:48 | |
# My soul he doth restore again | 1:12:50 | 1:12:58 | |
# And me to walk doth make | 1:12:58 | 1:13:04 | |
# Within the paths of righteousness | 1:13:06 | 1:13:14 | |
# E'en for his own name's sake | 1:13:14 | 1:13:19 | |
# Yea, though I walk in death's dark vale | 1:13:22 | 1:13:29 | |
# Yet will I fear no ill | 1:13:29 | 1:13:35 | |
# For thou art with me...# | 1:13:38 | 1:13:41 | |
How much did you say it was? | 1:13:41 | 1:13:44 | |
8.27. | 1:13:44 | 1:13:46 | |
Is Doris not in? | 1:13:50 | 1:13:52 | |
# My table thou hast furnished me | 1:13:53 | 1:14:00 | |
# In presence of my foes | 1:14:00 | 1:14:06 | |
# My head thou dost with oil anoint | 1:14:08 | 1:14:15 | |
# And my cup overflows. # | 1:14:15 | 1:14:21 | |
Neil! | 1:14:24 | 1:14:26 | |
Neil. | 1:14:26 | 1:14:28 | |
You're going already? | 1:14:28 | 1:14:29 | |
Yes. | 1:14:29 | 1:14:31 | |
How are you coping? | 1:14:32 | 1:14:33 | |
I'm coping well, yes. | 1:14:33 | 1:14:35 | |
I'm doing well, aren't I? | 1:14:35 | 1:14:37 | |
CHIRPING | 1:15:01 | 1:15:03 | |
That's it. | 1:15:16 | 1:15:18 | |
In you go. | 1:15:18 | 1:15:19 | |
In you go, in you go. That's it. | 1:15:19 | 1:15:22 | |
Say hello. | 1:15:24 | 1:15:25 | |
Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. | 1:15:27 | 1:15:30 | |
TELEPHONE RINGS | 1:15:41 | 1:15:44 | |
RINGING CONTINUES | 1:15:50 | 1:15:51 | |
-How you been keeping? -I'm doing well. | 1:15:55 | 1:15:58 | |
Everybody says. | 1:15:58 | 1:16:00 | |
I brought you a bit of shopping. | 1:16:00 | 1:16:01 | |
Thanks. | 1:16:02 | 1:16:04 | |
We're all bit worried about you, to be honest. | 1:16:05 | 1:16:08 | |
Haven't seen you at the match the last three home games. | 1:16:08 | 1:16:11 | |
I've been busy. | 1:16:11 | 1:16:13 | |
Right. | 1:16:14 | 1:16:15 | |
-Life goes on. -Right. | 1:16:15 | 1:16:18 | |
And I'm doing well. | 1:16:21 | 1:16:24 | |
So you keep saying. | 1:16:24 | 1:16:25 | |
How are the birds doing? | 1:16:30 | 1:16:32 | |
They're doing well. Yeah. | 1:16:32 | 1:16:34 | |
Is that a new one? The white one? | 1:16:34 | 1:16:36 | |
It's a budgie from Zippos. | 1:16:36 | 1:16:38 | |
Norman Barrett give it me. | 1:16:38 | 1:16:40 | |
It used to be part of his act but it's retired now. | 1:16:40 | 1:16:44 | |
Bloody hell, Neil. | 1:16:44 | 1:16:46 | |
Even your budgies are celebrities. | 1:16:46 | 1:16:48 | |
Right. Freshers' week starts on Monday. | 1:16:52 | 1:16:54 | |
You've got to get down there, | 1:16:54 | 1:16:56 | |
snap up the good players for Neil Baldwin FC. | 1:16:56 | 1:16:58 | |
I don't know if I'll bother this time. | 1:16:58 | 1:17:01 | |
Me hip's been playing me up. | 1:17:01 | 1:17:04 | |
You know your Mum'd want you to get out there, don't you? | 1:17:04 | 1:17:07 | |
Doing what you're best at. Meeting people and that. | 1:17:07 | 1:17:09 | |
She would. That's true. | 1:17:11 | 1:17:12 | |
No time like the present. | 1:17:13 | 1:17:16 | |
I don't know about that. | 1:17:16 | 1:17:17 | |
I've heard the Union are doing two-for-one hot dogs. | 1:17:20 | 1:17:23 | |
Does that include onions? | 1:17:26 | 1:17:28 | |
I should imagine so, yeah. | 1:17:30 | 1:17:32 | |
Neil? What are you doing here this time of night? | 1:18:35 | 1:18:38 | |
Waiting for me lift. | 1:18:38 | 1:18:40 | |
Looks like they forgot. | 1:18:40 | 1:18:42 | |
Come on. | 1:18:42 | 1:18:43 | |
You shouldn't be hanging round on your own this time of night. | 1:18:56 | 1:18:59 | |
I wasn't hanging round. I was waiting for a lift. | 1:18:59 | 1:19:02 | |
Which didn't come. | 1:19:02 | 1:19:04 | |
No, but you did. | 1:19:04 | 1:19:06 | |
What would you have done if I hadn't have turned up? | 1:19:07 | 1:19:09 | |
You did turn up, though, didn't you? | 1:19:10 | 1:19:13 | |
I know, but what if I hadn't? | 1:19:13 | 1:19:14 | |
Somebody would have turned up. | 1:19:16 | 1:19:18 | |
You can't go through life relying on something just turning up. | 1:19:18 | 1:19:22 | |
Yes, you can. | 1:19:22 | 1:19:23 | |
Well, I can, anyway. | 1:19:23 | 1:19:25 | |
Hiya, Gary? | 1:19:30 | 1:19:32 | |
You don't actually know me but I'm calling on behalf of Neil Baldwin. | 1:19:32 | 1:19:36 | |
He's a very good friend of mine | 1:19:36 | 1:19:37 | |
and I just wondered if you'd be kind enough to do us a huge favour... | 1:19:37 | 1:19:41 | |
When do we play? | 1:19:41 | 1:19:42 | |
Training every Sunday. Matches Wednesday afternoon. | 1:19:42 | 1:19:45 | |
Right. Well, I play central midfield. | 1:19:45 | 1:19:47 | |
Oh, you play where I tell you to play. | 1:19:47 | 1:19:50 | |
I had trials for Macclesfield Town. | 1:19:50 | 1:19:51 | |
The problem is, son, I play central midfield. | 1:19:51 | 1:19:55 | |
This is a wind up, right? | 1:19:57 | 1:19:59 | |
I'm just the club president, son. | 1:19:59 | 1:20:01 | |
-It's the gaffer who makes the decisions. -See? | 1:20:01 | 1:20:04 | |
Right. | 1:20:04 | 1:20:05 | |
Thanks a lot. | 1:20:07 | 1:20:09 | |
See you at the weekend. | 1:20:09 | 1:20:10 | |
You, young man. | 1:20:17 | 1:20:18 | |
This is a ball. | 1:20:18 | 1:20:20 | |
All you've got to do is to stick that it in the back of the net. | 1:20:20 | 1:20:24 | |
It's that simple. | 1:20:24 | 1:20:25 | |
Neil. We're only playing the Christian Union. | 1:20:25 | 1:20:27 | |
That's part of the problem. | 1:20:27 | 1:20:29 | |
They've got the Lord on their side. | 1:20:29 | 1:20:31 | |
You going to finish that pastie? | 1:20:31 | 1:20:33 | |
Fitness problem, you have. | 1:20:36 | 1:20:38 | |
I'm going to come on in the second half... | 1:20:38 | 1:20:40 | |
..and play central midfield. | 1:20:43 | 1:20:46 | |
I played for Stoke City. | 1:20:46 | 1:20:48 | |
Let's never forget that. | 1:20:48 | 1:20:50 | |
No. I don't suppose anybody ever will. | 1:20:50 | 1:20:52 | |
-I thought you said you got a ref. -He'll be here. | 1:20:52 | 1:20:54 | |
It's not that lad from Islamic Soc, is it? | 1:20:54 | 1:20:57 | |
It looks like a strong wind would blow that guy over. | 1:20:57 | 1:21:00 | |
I've got Premiership quality this time. | 1:21:00 | 1:21:02 | |
Oh, right, Premiership? | 1:21:02 | 1:21:04 | |
-Hi, Neil. -Uriah! | 1:21:04 | 1:21:05 | |
-How are you? -All right, Uriah? | 1:21:05 | 1:21:08 | |
I'm good thank you. | 1:21:08 | 1:21:09 | |
Good to see you. This is Uriah Rennie, everyone. | 1:21:09 | 1:21:12 | |
-Uriah Rennie. -Hi. | 1:21:12 | 1:21:14 | |
-You all right, Uriah? -I'm good, how are you? | 1:21:14 | 1:21:17 | |
Good to see you. Uriah Rennie. | 1:21:17 | 1:21:19 | |
# Enjoy yourself | 1:21:21 | 1:21:23 | |
# It's later that you think | 1:21:23 | 1:21:26 | |
# Enjoy yourself | 1:21:26 | 1:21:29 | |
# While you're still in the pink | 1:21:29 | 1:21:33 | |
# The years go by | 1:21:33 | 1:21:37 | |
# As quickly as a wink | 1:21:37 | 1:21:40 | |
# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself | 1:21:40 | 1:21:44 | |
# It's later than you think | 1:21:44 | 1:21:46 | |
# You worry when the weather's cold | 1:21:48 | 1:21:51 | |
# You worry when it's hot | 1:21:51 | 1:21:54 | |
# You worry when you're doing well | 1:21:54 | 1:21:57 | |
# You worry when you're not | 1:21:57 | 1:21:59 | |
# It's worry, worry, all the time | 1:22:01 | 1:22:04 | |
# You don't know how to laugh | 1:22:04 | 1:22:07 | |
# They'll think of something funny | 1:22:07 | 1:22:11 | |
# When they write your epitaph. | 1:22:11 | 1:22:13 | |
# Enjoy yourself | 1:22:15 | 1:22:17 | |
# It's later that you think | 1:22:17 | 1:22:20 | |
-Take it again, you're off your line. -There is no line! | 1:22:20 | 1:22:23 | |
I'm booking you for dissent. | 1:22:24 | 1:22:26 | |
# The years go by | 1:22:27 | 1:22:31 | |
# As quickly as a wink | 1:22:31 | 1:22:35 | |
# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself | 1:22:35 | 1:22:38 | |
# It's later than you think. # | 1:22:38 | 1:22:41 | |
WHISTLE | 1:22:46 | 1:22:47 | |
-COMMENTATOR: -The 1-2... | 1:22:51 | 1:22:53 | |
And a good shot! What a goal! What a goal! | 1:22:53 | 1:22:56 | |
# Enjoy yourself | 1:22:57 | 1:23:00 | |
# It's later than you think | 1:23:00 | 1:23:03 | |
# Enjoy yourself... # | 1:23:03 | 1:23:06 | |
CHANTING: Nello! Nello! Nello! Nello! Nello! Nello! | 1:23:07 | 1:23:13 | |
Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass. | 1:23:23 | 1:23:27 | |
Taking the five loaves and the two fish, | 1:23:27 | 1:23:29 | |
he looked up to heaven, and blessed... | 1:23:29 | 1:23:33 | |
and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples... | 1:23:33 | 1:23:37 | |
..and the disciples gave them to the crowds. | 1:23:39 | 1:23:42 | |
And all ate and were filled. | 1:23:42 | 1:23:45 | |
One of my favourites, feeding of the 5,000. | 1:23:46 | 1:23:49 | |
Now why doesn't that surprise me, Neil? | 1:23:49 | 1:23:52 | |
Never trust a man who doesn't like his food. | 1:23:54 | 1:23:57 | |
I'm glad you enjoyed the sermon. | 1:23:59 | 1:24:01 | |
I always enjoyed your sermons. | 1:24:01 | 1:24:04 | |
That's why I told you you'd make bishop one day. | 1:24:04 | 1:24:07 | |
It was like the first time I saw Mark Stein. | 1:24:07 | 1:24:11 | |
I knew he was special, too. | 1:24:11 | 1:24:13 | |
Mark Stein? | 1:24:13 | 1:24:14 | |
33 Goals in 57 matches. | 1:24:14 | 1:24:17 | |
I made you a card. | 1:24:19 | 1:24:21 | |
To say well done, like. | 1:24:26 | 1:24:27 | |
Thank you, Neil. | 1:24:27 | 1:24:29 | |
Thank you. | 1:24:33 | 1:24:34 | |
That means a lot. | 1:24:36 | 1:24:37 | |
And I've got a cockatoo. | 1:24:39 | 1:24:41 | |
Oh, no presents, I insist. | 1:24:41 | 1:24:43 | |
The card is more than enough. | 1:24:43 | 1:24:45 | |
No, no, no. The cockatoo is for me. | 1:24:45 | 1:24:49 | |
Fosset's Circus give it me. | 1:24:49 | 1:24:51 | |
It's got something wrong with its foot | 1:24:51 | 1:24:53 | |
so it's not cut out for show business. | 1:24:53 | 1:24:55 | |
It lands on my head every night, without fail. | 1:24:57 | 1:25:00 | |
He said he give it me cos he knew I'd look after it, and I will. | 1:25:02 | 1:25:06 | |
I'm sure you will. | 1:25:06 | 1:25:08 | |
Your mum always said you had a real knack for looking after animals. | 1:25:08 | 1:25:11 | |
She was proud of me, you know, Mum. | 1:25:12 | 1:25:15 | |
She was, Neil. | 1:25:16 | 1:25:17 | |
She was indeed. | 1:25:19 | 1:25:21 | |
Can you drop me off on the way? | 1:25:28 | 1:25:31 | |
Well, it's not really on my way. | 1:25:31 | 1:25:33 | |
It is if you go that way to drop me off. | 1:25:33 | 1:25:35 | |
-HE SIGHS: -Yes, of course, of course. | 1:25:35 | 1:25:38 | |
Can we stop off at the Co-op? | 1:25:44 | 1:25:46 | |
I've got a spot of shopping to do. | 1:25:46 | 1:25:49 | |
Yeah, why not? | 1:25:50 | 1:25:52 | |
Why not? | 1:25:52 | 1:25:53 | |
CHOIR: # One Neil Baldwin | 1:25:56 | 1:26:00 | |
# There's only one Neil Baldwin | 1:26:00 | 1:26:02 | |
# One Neil Baldwin | 1:26:04 | 1:26:07 | |
# There's only one Neil Baldwin | 1:26:07 | 1:26:11 | |
# One Neil Baldwin | 1:26:12 | 1:26:15 | |
# There's only one Neil Baldwin | 1:26:15 | 1:26:18 | |
# One Neil Baldwin | 1:26:19 | 1:26:23 | |
# There's only one Neil Baldwin! | 1:26:23 | 1:26:27 | |
# One Neil Baldwin | 1:26:27 | 1:26:29 | |
# There's only one Neil Baldwin | 1:26:31 | 1:26:33 | |
# One Neil Baldwin | 1:26:35 | 1:26:38 | |
# There's only one Neil Baldwin | 1:26:38 | 1:26:42 | |
# One Neil Baldwin | 1:26:43 | 1:26:45 | |
# There's only one Neil Baldwin | 1:26:46 | 1:26:49 | |
# One Neil Baldwin | 1:26:51 | 1:26:53 | |
APPLAUSE | 1:26:53 | 1:26:55 | |
# One Neil Baldwin | 1:26:59 | 1:27:01 | |
# There's only one Neil Baldwin | 1:27:02 | 1:27:05 | |
-CROWD: -# One Neil Baldwin! | 1:27:05 | 1:27:08 | |
# There's only one Neil Baldwin. # | 1:27:08 | 1:27:11 | |
CHEERING | 1:27:11 | 1:27:13 | |
# One Neil Baldwin | 1:27:13 | 1:27:16 | |
# There's only one Neil Baldwin | 1:27:17 | 1:27:19 | |
# One Neil Baldwin | 1:27:21 | 1:27:24 | |
# There's only one Neil Baldwin. # | 1:27:25 | 1:27:29 |