Peter Pan Goes Wrong

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Good evening and a very merry Christmas to you.	0:00:02	0:00:05
I'm David Suchet and I'm speaking to you direct from the BBC Studios.	0:00:05	0:00:10
I'm hugely excited to have been asked by the BBC	0:00:10	0:00:14
to narrate tonight's amateur production of Peter Pan,	0:00:14	0:00:17
performed by the recipients of this year's BBC Community Choice Award.	0:00:17	0:00:23
So, before we begin,	0:00:23	0:00:25
let's take a moment and meet the Cornley Polytechnic Drama Society...	0:00:25	0:00:29
The Cornley Polytechnic Drama Society is an amateur theatre group.	0:00:31	0:00:34
And we're made up of people who do lots of different courses,	0:00:34	0:00:36
but who come together in the evenings and at the weekends	0:00:36	0:00:40
to create theatre.	0:00:40	0:00:41
I am Chris. I am the director.	0:00:43	0:00:45
I'm Robert. I'm the lead actor.	0:00:45	0:00:47
-You're not the lead actor. -Well, I'm the best actor.	0:00:47	0:00:50
Ar-arrr-ar-argh!	0:00:50	0:00:53
You're doing it again. You're still... No-one can understand you!	0:00:53	0:00:55
Right, I've been working as a stage manager for Cornley	0:00:55	0:00:58
for about five years now.	0:00:58	0:00:59
And what these so-called BBC professionals need to learn,	0:00:59	0:01:03
that when we're live, it's my stage.	0:01:03	0:01:06
-ROBERT: -Why were we selected?	0:01:07	0:01:09
Hard work, talent and our previous high-quality productions.	0:01:09	0:01:14
Oh, and because of our cast member Max, whose aunt runs the BBC.	0:01:16	0:01:20
-WOMAN: -Our strengths? Erm, well, everyone's really keen.	0:01:22	0:01:25
Yeah, everyone's really committed.	0:01:25	0:01:28
Everything's so strong.	0:01:28	0:01:29
Yeah, it's been, er...good getting to know each other really well.	0:01:29	0:01:32
-Yeah. And, you know, now we're really close. -Yeah, really close.	0:01:32	0:01:35
Robert's niece is playing the Lost Boy Tootles.	0:01:37	0:01:40
She's quite nervous about being on live TV,	0:01:40	0:01:43
but Robert's coaching her, so she'll be fine.	0:01:43	0:01:45
Come on, Lucy, more confidence!	0:01:45	0:01:48
You're going to ruin Christmas!	0:01:48	0:01:49
I just want to get through the whole thing without killing anyone.	0:01:49	0:01:54
That's your cue, Dennis!	0:01:54	0:01:56
God...	0:01:56	0:01:57
Can we get him an earpiece?	0:01:57	0:01:59
Got a headset.	0:01:59	0:02:00
-Will it be noticeable? -No.	0:02:00	0:02:03
Dennis, Dennis, stop! All right, enough, stop!	0:02:04	0:02:06
-ROBERT: -We are confident this pantomime will run smoothly.	0:02:06	0:02:10
This is not a pantomime.	0:02:10	0:02:12
It is a traditional Christmas vignette.	0:02:12	0:02:15
Oh, no, it isn't!	0:02:15	0:02:16
HE LAUGHS	0:02:16	0:02:19
Ha-ha...	0:02:19	0:02:21
Right, that's my cue.	0:02:23	0:02:25
Here we go!	0:02:25	0:02:27
See you on the other side...	0:02:27	0:02:29
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE	0:02:33	0:02:36
LOUD BANG	0:02:49	0:02:51
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE	0:02:53	0:02:56
All children, except one...	0:02:59	0:03:01
Oh!	0:03:01	0:03:02
LAUGHTER	0:03:02	0:03:04
All children, except one, grow up.	0:03:10	0:03:14
Wendy discovered that she would grow up	0:03:15	0:03:18
when she was at a picnic and her mother said the words,	0:03:18	0:03:21
"Oh, I wish you could stay like this forever!"	0:03:21	0:03:25
And...then she knew.	0:03:25	0:03:28
It is this very Wendy,	0:03:28	0:03:30
along with her two brothers Michael...	0:03:30	0:03:33
TWINKLY MUSIC	0:03:33	0:03:34
LAUGHTER	0:03:34	0:03:35
..and John...	0:03:35	0:03:37
TWINKLY MUSIC	0:03:37	0:03:38
LAUGHTER	0:03:38	0:03:40
..who begin our story.	0:03:40	0:03:43
TWINKLY MUSIC	0:03:43	0:03:46
LAUGHTER	0:03:46	0:03:49
The setting is their bedroom,	0:03:51	0:03:53
on the third floor of a townhouse in Bloomsbury.	0:03:53	0:03:56
Come along, boys, stop playing around.	0:03:56	0:03:59
It's time for you to get into your bedclothes.	0:03:59	0:04:01
It's too early for bed, Wendy. You're turning into Mother.	0:04:01	0:04:04
Well, I should love to be like Mother.	0:04:07	0:04:09
-BEEPING -Well, I shouldn't.	0:04:09	0:04:10
That would be ever so dreary, Wendy.	0:04:10	0:04:13
LAUGHTER	0:04:13	0:04:15
John's right.	0:04:15	0:04:16
I can't stand being cooped up in this boring old nursery.	0:04:16	0:04:20
I'm four years old!	0:04:20	0:04:21
LAUGHTER	0:04:21	0:04:23
Not every day can be an adventure, Michael.	0:04:27	0:04:30
Now, it's time to get ready for bed.	0:04:30	0:04:32
I can hear Father's footsteps.	0:04:32	0:04:35
Has anyone seen my cufflinks?	0:04:35	0:04:38
Oh, George, you are forever losing things.	0:04:38	0:04:41
TWINKLY MUSIC	0:04:41	0:04:44
Their father George Darling was a man of business.	0:04:44	0:04:48
A little pompous, but with a kind heart.	0:04:48	0:04:50
-I have searched the ho... -He was...	0:04:50	0:04:52
He was far less serene than their mother Mary Darling,	0:04:52	0:04:57
a genteel and elegant woman.	0:04:57	0:05:00
-I have searched the hou... -Although sometimes...	0:05:00	0:05:03
LAUGHTER	0:05:03	0:05:04
..he forgot to SHOW IT...	0:05:04	0:05:06
LAUGHTER	0:05:06	0:05:08
..George loved them all dearly.	0:05:08	0:05:11
I have searched the house high and low.	0:05:14	0:05:16
I put a thing down for a moment and it is as if fairies	0:05:16	0:05:18
-have danced off with it. -Oh, Father!	0:05:18	0:05:20
I would so love to have fairies skipping about the house.	0:05:20	0:05:23
I don't believe in fairies.	0:05:23	0:05:25
-Wendy, have you seen my cufflinks? -No, Father.	0:05:25	0:05:27
I mean, really, is it me? Or is the world going mad?	0:05:27	0:05:31
LAUGHTER	0:05:34	0:05:37
I'll look in the drawing room, George.	0:05:39	0:05:42
-BEEPING -Perhaps Nana has seen them, Father.	0:05:42	0:05:45
That creature is almost certainly the reason they are missing.	0:05:45	0:05:48
-TWINKLY MUSIC -Woof!	0:05:48	0:05:50
LAUGHTER	0:05:50	0:05:52
Nana! Come here, girl! Come on, Nana.	0:05:52	0:05:55
I don't understand all this affection	0:05:55	0:05:57
towards that dreadful animal.	0:05:57	0:05:59
What about me? Where are my cufflinks?	0:05:59	0:06:01
Perhaps Liza has seen them.	0:06:01	0:06:03
TWINKLY MUSIC	0:06:03	0:06:04
The final member of the household was Liza, the Darlings' housekeeper,	0:06:04	0:06:09
different in every way to Mrs Darling.	0:06:09	0:06:12
-COCKNEY ACCENT: -I've found your cufflinks, Mr Darling.	0:06:13	0:06:16
LAUGHTER	0:06:16	0:06:17
You left them on the dresser.	0:06:17	0:06:19
GONG SOUNDS	0:06:19	0:06:20
A sweeter family you've never seen,	0:06:20	0:06:24
with hearts as good as gold.	0:06:24	0:06:26
And on this fateful evening,	0:06:26	0:06:29
our story shall unfold.	0:06:29	0:06:32
TWINKLY MUSIC	0:06:33	0:06:35
LAUGHTER	0:06:35	0:06:38
Thank you, Liza. You have saved my evening.	0:06:42	0:06:46
Now leave that beast alone, the three of you.	0:06:46	0:06:49
We're only petting her, Father.	0:06:49	0:06:50
LAUGHTER	0:06:50	0:06:53
That dog needs to be taught some discipline.	0:06:53	0:06:56
Now, all of you, time for bed and to take your medicine.	0:06:56	0:06:59
Fetch the medicine bottle, Nana.	0:06:59	0:07:01
When I was small, I used to...	0:07:02	0:07:04
LAUGHTER	0:07:04	0:07:06
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE	0:07:12	0:07:17
When I was small,	0:07:17	0:07:18
I used to thank my mother and father for giving me medicine.	0:07:18	0:07:20
I would say, "Th..."	0:07:20	0:07:21
Argh! Say...say...	0:07:21	0:07:23
I would say, "Thank you, kind parents,	0:07:23	0:07:25
"for giving me bottles to keep me well!"	0:07:25	0:07:28
Ah, here is Nana now.	0:07:28	0:07:30
Bring me the medicine bottle, Nana!	0:07:30	0:07:31
LAUGHTER	0:07:33	0:07:34
Bring me the medicine bottle, Nana!	0:07:36	0:07:38
LAUGHTER	0:07:38	0:07:40
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE	0:07:42	0:07:45
Thank you, Nana.	0:07:49	0:07:50
Now, fetch me a spoon.	0:07:50	0:07:51
LAUGHTER	0:07:51	0:07:54
Liza!	0:07:57	0:07:58
Argh!	0:07:59	0:08:00
LAUGHTER	0:08:00	0:08:02
Yes, Mr Darling?	0:08:02	0:08:03
Liza, take that wretched animal outside and chain her to her kennel.	0:08:03	0:08:06
Come on, Nana...	0:08:06	0:08:09
outside!	0:08:09	0:08:11
Urgh!	0:08:11	0:08:12
Thank God that animal's gone.	0:08:13	0:08:16
LAUGHTER	0:08:16	0:08:18
What's all this commotion, George?	0:08:18	0:08:21
Mary, my dear. Nothing's wrong. The children were just getting into bed.	0:08:21	0:08:24
-Where's Nana? -Liza locked her outside.	0:08:24	0:08:27
But she protects the children!	0:08:27	0:08:29
Protects them from what?	0:08:29	0:08:31
The boy who visits this room.	0:08:31	0:08:33
-Oh, what nonsense. -Mother and I saw him the other evening.	0:08:33	0:08:36
He slipped away through the window.	0:08:36	0:08:37
Mother ran to slam it shut before he could escape,	0:08:37	0:08:40
but he was too nimble, the window shut and we caught just his shadow,	0:08:40	0:08:43
which started dancing across the room.	0:08:43	0:08:45
LAUGHTER	0:08:46	0:08:48
A dancing shadow? Oh, really!	0:08:48	0:08:49
Whatever will you come up with next?	0:08:49	0:08:51
I had Liza lock it in the chest. See for yourself, George.	0:08:51	0:08:55
Liza has the key.	0:08:55	0:08:57
I shall get Liza to fetch the key.	0:08:57	0:08:59
Liza!	0:08:59	0:09:00
Yes, Miss Wendy?	0:09:00	0:09:02
LAUGHTER	0:09:02	0:09:03
-Have you the key to the chest? -I shall fetch it at once.	0:09:03	0:09:06
-CAR HORN -Your cab's here, Mr Darling.	0:09:06	0:09:09
Excellent. Let's go down...	0:09:09	0:09:11
CAR HORN	0:09:11	0:09:12
LAUGHTER	0:09:12	0:09:14
Another cab's here, Mr Darling.	0:09:14	0:09:17
Excellent. Let's go down...	0:09:18	0:09:20
CAR HORN	0:09:20	0:09:21
LAUGHTER	0:09:21	0:09:22
A third cab's here, Mr Darling.	0:09:22	0:09:25
Three cabs?	0:09:27	0:09:29
One for Mary.	0:09:30	0:09:32
One for me.	0:09:32	0:09:33
And one for...my hat.	0:09:33	0:09:35
Let's go downstairs.	0:09:35	0:09:37
I shall fetch the key, Miss Wendy.	0:09:37	0:09:39
Thank you, Liza.	0:09:39	0:09:41
Mary, the cab's here!	0:09:41	0:09:42
The cab's here? I shall fetch my shawl.	0:09:42	0:09:45
Very good, Mary.	0:09:45	0:09:46
Where is that maid? Liza!	0:09:46	0:09:49
I found the key, Miss Wendy!	0:09:49	0:09:51
LAUGHTER	0:09:51	0:09:52
Now I can show you the shadow, Father!	0:09:52	0:09:55
Oh, Wendy, you really must grow up. There is no shadow.	0:09:55	0:09:58
OMINOUS MUSIC	0:09:58	0:10:02
That will be all, Liza. I don't have time for this.	0:10:03	0:10:07
Please look, Father!	0:10:07	0:10:09
Mary, the cab's here, we shall be late!	0:10:09	0:10:11
Oooh!	0:10:11	0:10:13
LAUGHTER	0:10:13	0:10:15
The cab's here. Yes, I found my shawl.	0:10:18	0:10:20
LAUGHTER	0:10:20	0:10:22
Very good! Come along, Mary!	0:10:22	0:10:24
I'm going downstairs.	0:10:24	0:10:26
Someone has to be grown up around here.	0:10:26	0:10:29
HE GRUNTS AND STRAINS	0:10:42	0:10:46
LAUGHTER	0:10:48	0:10:51
HE PANTS AND STRAINS	0:10:59	0:11:02
HE GROANS AND STRAINS	0:11:11	0:11:13
LAUGHTER	0:11:14	0:11:17
All right, my dears, time to turn the lights out.	0:11:20	0:11:23
Make sure you all... Oh!	0:11:23	0:11:25
What is it, Mother?	0:11:25	0:11:27
I thought I saw a face at the window.	0:11:27	0:11:30
Nothing there.	0:11:30	0:11:32
LAUGHTER	0:11:32	0:11:34
Must be my imagination!	0:11:34	0:11:36
-BEEPING -Won't you sing us a lullaby, Mother?	0:11:36	0:11:40
No, Dennis.	0:11:40	0:11:41
Speak with feeling, for God's sake.	0:11:41	0:11:44
LAUGHTER	0:11:44	0:11:46
No! No! No!	0:11:46	0:11:48
Don't repeat that, you idiot!	0:11:48	0:11:51
LAUGHTER	0:11:51	0:11:54
APPLAUSE	0:11:54	0:11:57
Of course, my sweet.	0:11:57	0:11:58
LULLABY MUSIC	0:11:58	0:12:01
THE 'CHILDREN' YAWN	0:12:01	0:12:03
# Hush now, my darlings	0:12:06	0:12:10
# Don't you stir	0:12:10	0:12:13
# Dream of a world of adventure	0:12:14	0:12:20
# Be at peace	0:12:22	0:12:25
# You'll be grown up one day	0:12:25	0:12:29
# Till then, put your fears away...	0:12:29	0:12:35
LAUGHTER	0:12:35	0:12:38
# Close your eyes...	0:12:38	0:12:41
LOUD DRILLING	0:12:41	0:12:42
# ..and rest your heads	0:12:42	0:12:46
# Safely tucked into your beds...	0:12:46	0:12:52
BANGING AND DRILLING	0:12:52	0:12:54
# All is quiet	0:12:54	0:12:58
# And all is calm	0:12:58	0:13:01
# I'll never let you	0:13:01	0:13:04
CHAINSAW WHIRS	0:13:04	0:13:05
# ..come to harm	0:13:05	0:13:09
# Night-light lit to guide your way	0:13:10	0:13:17
# Until the sun brings in the day	0:13:17	0:13:25
-THE MEN SHOUT AND ARGUE -# And as they take	0:13:25	0:13:30
# Their maiden flights	0:13:30	0:13:33
# Guard my sleeping babies tonight!	0:13:33	0:13:40
# Guard my...	0:13:42	0:13:43
-SOFTLY -# ..sleeping babies tonight. #	0:13:43	0:13:52
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE	0:13:52	0:13:54
That was beautiful, Mother.	0:13:59	0:14:01
LAUGHTER	0:14:01	0:14:03
Thank you, my dear.	0:14:03	0:14:04
Mother, can anything harm us when the night-light is lit?	0:14:04	0:14:07
Nothing, precious.	0:14:07	0:14:09
LAUGHTER	0:14:09	0:14:11
They are the eyes a mother leaves behind to guard her children.	0:14:15	0:14:20
Mother...	0:14:21	0:14:23
you look pretty tonight.	0:14:23	0:14:25
LAUGHTER	0:14:25	0:14:26
-Are you tucked in, Michael? -Yes, Mother!	0:14:26	0:14:29
Are you comfortable?	0:14:29	0:14:31
Oooh!	0:14:31	0:14:32
HE STRAINS	0:14:32	0:14:33
Yes, Mother.	0:14:33	0:14:35
And you, Wendy?	0:14:35	0:14:37
Yes, Mother.	0:14:37	0:14:38
Urgh!	0:14:38	0:14:40
LAUGHTER	0:14:40	0:14:41
And you, sweet John, are you feeling sleepy?	0:14:43	0:14:46
Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!	0:14:46	0:14:49
Goodnight, my dears.	0:14:49	0:14:51
Dear night-lights, that protect my sleeping babes,	0:14:51	0:14:53
burn clear and steadfast tonight.	0:14:53	0:14:57
LAUGHTER	0:15:00	0:15:03
No! No! Wait, wait, wait!	0:15:05	0:15:07
Oh, God, no, no!	0:15:07	0:15:10
-Ah! -Ah!	0:15:10	0:15:11
-I'm in! -I'm in!	0:15:11	0:15:13
-Oh... -Oh, God!	0:15:13	0:15:15
I...	0:15:16	0:15:17
Down!	0:15:17	0:15:18
LAUGHTER	0:15:18	0:15:20
Down! Down! Oh, God...!	0:15:20	0:15:22
LAUGHTER	0:15:22	0:15:26
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE	0:15:29	0:15:32
Thank heavens I didn't wake the children!	0:15:36	0:15:38
LAUGHTER	0:15:38	0:15:40
Tinkerbell? Tink? Where are you?	0:15:40	0:15:43
Have you found my shadow? Do you know where they put it?	0:15:43	0:15:45
LAUGHTER	0:15:51	0:15:53
There you are! Do you know where they put it?	0:15:53	0:15:55
Oooh!	0:15:56	0:15:57
LAUGHTER	0:15:57	0:15:59
In here?	0:16:03	0:16:05
Are you ready, Tink? Don't let it startle you!	0:16:05	0:16:07
It's time to get my shadow back. Don't let it dance away.	0:16:07	0:16:11
BLUESY NIGHTCLUB MUSIC	0:16:11	0:16:15
APPLAUSE	0:16:34	0:16:37
Ah-ha, got you! Now to stick you back where you belong.	0:16:37	0:16:39
I'll stick you back on with...soap!	0:16:39	0:16:42
Boy, why are you crying?	0:16:44	0:16:46
HE STARTS TO CRY	0:16:46	0:16:50
I'm not crying. What's your name?	0:16:50	0:16:52
Wendy Moira Angela Darling. What's yours?	0:16:52	0:16:54
-Peter Pan! -What are you doing?	0:16:54	0:16:56
I'm trying to stick my shadow back on.	0:16:56	0:16:58
You can't stick a shadow back on with soap.	0:16:58	0:17:01
It must be sewn.	0:17:01	0:17:03
-What is...sewn? -I shall show you.	0:17:03	0:17:05
There, it's done! Why don't you try it?	0:17:08	0:17:10
Wendy, it's done! Look! Look!	0:17:11	0:17:14
Oh, the cleverness of me!	0:17:14	0:17:16
I'll give you a kiss, if you like.	0:17:16	0:17:17
Thank you.	0:17:17	0:17:19
-Don't you know what a kiss is? -I shall know when you give it to me.	0:17:19	0:17:22
And now shall I give you a kiss?	0:17:26	0:17:28
If you please.	0:17:29	0:17:31
Not on stage!	0:17:31	0:17:32
LAUGHTER	0:17:32	0:17:35
An acorn!	0:17:36	0:17:38
I shall wear it on a chain around my neck.	0:17:38	0:17:41
LAUGHTER	0:17:42	0:17:44
-How old are you? -I don't know, quite young.	0:17:44	0:17:47
I ran away...	0:17:47	0:17:48
LAUGHTER	0:17:48	0:17:50
I ran away the day I was born!	0:17:50	0:17:53
-Ran away? Why? -I'll tell you for why...	0:17:53	0:17:55
I heard Mother and Father talking of what I was to be when I was a man.	0:17:55	0:17:58
I want always to be a little boy and to have fun.	0:17:58	0:18:00
So I ran away to Kensington Gardens	0:18:00	0:18:02
and lived a long time among the fairies.	0:18:02	0:18:05
LAUGHTER	0:18:05	0:18:07
-You know fairies, Peter? -Yes.	0:18:07	0:18:09
But they're nearly all dead now.	0:18:09	0:18:10
Children know such a lot now. Soon they don't believe in fairies.	0:18:10	0:18:14
And every time a child says, "I don't believe in fairies,"	0:18:14	0:18:17
there's a fairy somewhere that falls down dead.	0:18:17	0:18:19
TWINKLY MUSIC	0:18:20	0:18:22
-You can fly! -Of course I can...	0:18:23	0:18:26
LAUGHTER	0:18:26	0:18:28
Argh!	0:18:28	0:18:30
Of course I can fly!	0:18:30	0:18:31
No! No! No!	0:18:31	0:18:33
Argh!	0:18:33	0:18:34
Where on earth did you learn to do that?	0:18:34	0:18:36
In Neverland. I fly everywhere with my friends, the Lost Boys.	0:18:36	0:18:39
How thrilling.	0:18:39	0:18:41
Wendy, come away with me to Neverland!	0:18:41	0:18:43
Urgh!	0:18:43	0:18:45
Argh!	0:18:45	0:18:46
LOUD CRASH	0:18:46	0:18:47
Oh, dear, I mustn't! Think of Mother.	0:18:49	0:18:52
-Besides, I can't fly. -I'll teach you.	0:18:52	0:18:54
Oh, how lovely! To fly!	0:18:54	0:18:57
LAUGHTER	0:18:58	0:19:00
-But is it far? -Not far at all.	0:19:00	0:19:02
Just the other side of the stars.	0:19:02	0:19:04
TWINKLY MUSIC	0:19:04	0:19:06
LAUGHTER	0:19:06	0:19:07
-Would you teach John and Michael to fly, too? -Of course!	0:19:07	0:19:10
LAUGHTER	0:19:10	0:19:12
-Argh! -Oh, my God! Robert! Oh, my God!	0:19:12	0:19:14
John! John! Someone! Someone!	0:19:14	0:19:16
Help! Help!	0:19:16	0:19:18
Argh!	0:19:18	0:19:19
Put it out!	0:19:21	0:19:23
-Argh! -Argh!	0:19:23	0:19:26
LAUGHTER	0:19:26	0:19:30
Get off stage. Get off stage right now. What's wrong with you?	0:19:33	0:19:36
Spraying me in the face like that!	0:19:36	0:19:38
HE CHOKES AND GAGS	0:19:38	0:19:40
HE COUGHS, SPLUTTERS AND STRAINS	0:19:40	0:19:43
HE STRAINS	0:19:46	0:19:49
Not again!	0:19:49	0:19:51
LAUGHTER	0:19:51	0:19:53
John! Michael! Wake up!	0:19:53	0:19:55
There is a boy here who wants to teach us to fly.	0:19:55	0:19:57
Urgh...! Fly?	0:19:57	0:19:59
I...should...love...to fly.	0:19:59	0:20:01
He shall take us to Neverland!	0:20:01	0:20:04
Argh!	0:20:04	0:20:05
Neverland?!	0:20:05	0:20:07
Argh! Ah!	0:20:07	0:20:09
I say, can you really fly?	0:20:09	0:20:12
-Look! -Oh! -Ah!	0:20:12	0:20:15
-Oh, my, how do you do it? -It's simple.	0:20:15	0:20:17
You just need your happiest thoughts and a little bit of fairy dust.	0:20:17	0:20:22
-TWINKLY MUSIC -Fairy dust? How delightful!	0:20:22	0:20:24
LAUGHTER	0:20:24	0:20:28
Are we all ready to fly?	0:20:28	0:20:31
Just think of a lovely, wonderful thought	0:20:31	0:20:33
and it will lift you into the air.	0:20:33	0:20:35
-TOGETHER: -One...	0:20:35	0:20:36
two, three!	0:20:36	0:20:38
LAUGHTER	0:20:38	0:20:42
CHEERING	0:20:53	0:20:56
We're flying!	0:20:59	0:21:01
I feel light as air!	0:21:01	0:21:03
-BEEPING -Wheee!	0:21:03	0:21:05
-PETER PAN: -It's time to go. Follow me to the window!	0:21:06	0:21:08
Come on, Tink!	0:21:10	0:21:11
Second to the right and straight on till morning!	0:21:11	0:21:15
Here we go!	0:21:15	0:21:17
No... Whoa!	0:21:17	0:21:18
LAUGHTER	0:21:18	0:21:22
Onward...	0:21:22	0:21:23
No, no!	0:21:23	0:21:24
Argh!	0:21:24	0:21:26
Come on, boys! Just believe and you can fly!	0:21:27	0:21:31
Argh!	0:21:34	0:21:36
See? It's easy when you know how!	0:21:36	0:21:38
Argh! Try to keep up if you can!	0:21:38	0:21:41
Peter, I'm coming!	0:21:42	0:21:43
Oh, no, don't!	0:21:45	0:21:47
Don't, don't!	0:21:47	0:21:48
No, no, no! No!	0:21:48	0:21:50
Don't!	0:21:50	0:21:52
Don't, don't! No!	0:21:52	0:21:53
Oh!	0:21:53	0:21:54
Goodness, no! No!	0:21:56	0:21:58
-Get me down! -Peter! Wait for me!	0:21:58	0:22:01
-TOGETHER: -Neverland!	0:22:01	0:22:02
Here we come!	0:22:02	0:22:05
And so we arrive in the forests of Neverland,	0:22:11	0:22:15
a world of infinite wonders.	0:22:15	0:22:18
So as Peter flies with Wendy and the fairy Tink draws near,	0:22:18	0:22:23
our tale shall continue	0:22:23	0:22:25
and I shall disappear!	0:22:25	0:22:27
TWINKLY MUSIC	0:22:27	0:22:29
LOUD BANG Oh!	0:22:29	0:22:30
APPLAUSE	0:22:34	0:22:36
Wendy, look! We're here.	0:22:41	0:22:43
Hello, Tootles!	0:22:44	0:22:46
SHE WHIMPERS	0:22:47	0:22:49
Oh! Oh! Oh!	0:22:49	0:22:51
Lucy, you are doing this!	0:22:51	0:22:53
P...	0:22:55	0:22:56
P...	0:22:57	0:22:59
Peter!	0:22:59	0:23:00
I have...	0:23:01	0:23:03
I have to...to tell...	0:23:03	0:23:06
I have to tell you something.	0:23:06	0:23:08
Oh, yes?	0:23:08	0:23:10
What is it you have to tell us, Tootles?	0:23:10	0:23:12
Ah...ah...	0:23:12	0:23:14
Captain Hook has kidnapped Tiger Lily!	0:23:14	0:23:17
He has?! Then we must rescue her.	0:23:18	0:23:20
She is our friend, after all. Tink, go and find where they've taken her!	0:23:20	0:23:24
LAUGHTER	0:23:33	0:23:37
P...P...	0:23:37	0:23:38
P-P-P-Peter.	0:23:38	0:23:40
Peter!	0:23:42	0:23:43
-Oh, for God's sake! -CREAKING	0:23:43	0:23:46
Argh!	0:23:46	0:23:47
LAUGHTER	0:23:47	0:23:49
Ow...! Ow! Ow...!	0:23:49	0:23:51
Ow...!	0:23:51	0:23:53
SHE SOBS	0:23:53	0:23:55
LAUGHTER	0:23:55	0:23:56
Well, erm...	0:23:57	0:23:58
thank you, Tootles.	0:23:58	0:24:00
PANPIPE MUSIC	0:24:00	0:24:04
LAUGHTER	0:24:04	0:24:06
Oh, Peter! You play beautifully.	0:24:06	0:24:08
-Yar! -Yar!	0:24:08	0:24:11
Pirates! Quickly, into the hideout!	0:24:11	0:24:13
Yar!	0:24:13	0:24:14
Yah-yah-har!	0:24:16	0:24:19
Argh...!	0:24:19	0:24:21
WHITE NOISE	0:24:21	0:24:23
TESTCARD TONE	0:24:23	0:24:24
WHITE NOISE	0:24:24	0:24:26
Ah, ha-ha-ha-ha!	0:24:26	0:24:28
LAUGHTER	0:24:29	0:24:31
The glorious sound of a deserted forest.	0:24:31	0:24:34
CAR HORN	0:24:34	0:24:36
LAUGHTER	0:24:36	0:24:38
A cab...	0:24:38	0:24:39
-BEEPING -Captain!	0:24:39	0:24:41
We shall find the Lost Boys at...	0:24:41	0:24:43
RADIO DISTORTION	0:24:43	0:24:45
You're listening to BBC Radio 3!	0:24:45	0:24:48
LAUGHTER	0:24:48	0:24:50
That was the Violin Concerto in E minor by Johann Bach.	0:24:50	0:24:54
LAUGHTER	0:24:54	0:24:56
We'll find the Lost Boys at the Mermaid's Lagoon.	0:24:56	0:24:58
You may be right, Smee.	0:24:58	0:24:59
# I'm loving angels instead	0:24:59	0:25:03
# And through it aaaalll... #	0:25:03	0:25:05
Thank you, Mr Smee!	0:25:05	0:25:08
But most of all, I want Peter Pan!	0:25:08	0:25:10
For he cut off my arm, Starkey!	0:25:10	0:25:12
-ALMOST UNINTELLIGIBLE PIRATE VOICE: -Disgraceful!	0:25:12	0:25:15
He has no manners, Cap'n. Don't you agree, Percy?	0:25:15	0:25:16
-SIMILAR PARROT VOICE: -Disgraceful. I do agree, Starkey!	0:25:16	0:25:19
Ay, Percy knows how it is.	0:25:19	0:25:22
Ha, ha, ha.	0:25:22	0:25:23
LAUGHTER	0:25:23	0:25:26
Exactly.	0:25:26	0:25:28
Pan flung my arm to a crocodile that happened to be passing by.	0:25:28	0:25:33
LAUGHTER	0:25:39	0:25:41
Followed you around ever since, Captain Hook.	0:25:41	0:25:43
That he has, Smee!	0:25:43	0:25:45
That he has!	0:25:45	0:25:47
LAUGHTER	0:25:47	0:25:48
By lucky chance it swallowed a clock, Cap'n.	0:25:48	0:25:50
So before it can reach you, you hear the tick-tock and bolt.	0:25:50	0:25:53
What are you doing with your pistol out, Mr Smee?	0:25:53	0:25:56
I wouldn't want to be...caught unawares, Cap'n.	0:25:56	0:25:59
LAUGHTER	0:25:59	0:26:03
Put that thing away, Smee,	0:26:03	0:26:05
or I'll strike you down with my hook.	0:26:05	0:26:09
No! Put that thing away, Smee,	0:26:09	0:26:11
or I'll strike you down with my hook!	0:26:11	0:26:13
I'm Hook. You're Smee!	0:26:13	0:26:15
-I'm John. -You're Smee!	0:26:15	0:26:17
LAUGHTER	0:26:17	0:26:19
But soon I shall have the foolish boy within my grasp.	0:26:19	0:26:22
Ah, revenge is a grand thing.	0:26:22	0:26:25
-AUDIENCE MEMBER: -Oh, no, it isn't!	0:26:25	0:26:28
LAUGHTER	0:26:28	0:26:30
Yes, it is.	0:26:32	0:26:34
-AUDIENCE: -Oh, no, it isn't!	0:26:34	0:26:36
Oh, yes, it is.	0:26:36	0:26:38
-AUDIENCE: -Oh, no, it isn't!	0:26:38	0:26:40
Yes, it is!	0:26:40	0:26:42
-AUDIENCE: -Oh, no, it isn't! -Yes, it is! Yes, it is!	0:26:42	0:26:45
Yes, it is! It is! Yes, it is!	0:26:45	0:26:48
Of course it is!	0:26:48	0:26:49
LAUGHTER	0:26:49	0:26:51
This is not a pantomime.	0:26:51	0:26:52
-AUDIENCE: -Oh, yes, it is!	0:26:52	0:26:54
No, it isn't!	0:26:54	0:26:56
Shut up!	0:26:56	0:26:58
-AUDIENCE MEMBER: -Boo! -Don't boo me!	0:26:58	0:27:00
-AUDIENCE: -Boo!	0:27:00	0:27:01
How would you like it if I booed you?	0:27:01	0:27:03
Boo!	0:27:03	0:27:05
Booooo!	0:27:05	0:27:06
Boo!	0:27:06	0:27:08
-It's not nice, is it? -LAUGHTER	0:27:08	0:27:11
But hold, men. What's this?	0:27:11	0:27:13
CAR HORN	0:27:13	0:27:14
LAUGHTER	0:27:14	0:27:15
A cab!	0:27:15	0:27:16
-SMEE: -Oh, no, it isn't. -Yes, it is! Yes, it is!	0:27:16	0:27:19
I don't know why it is, but it is!	0:27:19	0:27:22
Also there's this.	0:27:22	0:27:24
Something strange!	0:27:24	0:27:26
Smoke coming out of this tree stump.	0:27:26	0:27:29
Ha-har!	0:27:29	0:27:30
LAUGHTER	0:27:30	0:27:32
ALL: Yar!	0:27:36	0:27:38
A chimney, Cap'n?	0:27:38	0:27:39
Listen, men, 'tis plain Pan and the Lost Boys live here,	0:27:39	0:27:43
among the trees and underneath the ground.	0:27:43	0:27:45
PIRATE MUTTERS UNINTELLIGIBLY	0:27:45	0:27:47
You see these tracks down to the shore, men?	0:27:47	0:27:50
Aye, Cap'n, I see it clear as day!	0:27:50	0:27:52
Follow them back to the Jolly Roger.	0:27:52	0:27:54
Row Tiger Lily to the lagoon,	0:27:54	0:27:56
put her out on Marooner's Rock and nab Pan...	0:27:56	0:27:58
Argh!	0:27:58	0:27:59
Argh! Argh!	0:27:59	0:28:01
Get off! Go! Go!	0:28:01	0:28:02
Go! Just get out of here!	0:28:02	0:28:05
Aah...!	0:28:05	0:28:07
Avast belay, when I appear,	0:28:07	0:28:10
by fear they're overtook.	0:28:10	0:28:14
Nought's left upon your bones	0:28:14	0:28:16
when you've shaken claws with Hook!	0:28:16	0:28:19
LAUGHTER	0:28:20	0:28:22
There!	0:28:22	0:28:24
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE	0:28:24	0:28:25
TWINKLY MUSIC	0:28:29	0:28:31
And so the dastardly pirates set off with evil intent.	0:28:31	0:28:35
What is this place?	0:28:35	0:28:37
This is Marooner's Rock.	0:28:37	0:28:39
Tink said that the pirates will be bringing Tiger Lily here.	0:28:39	0:28:42
-PIRATES: -# Yo, ho! Yo, ho!	0:28:42	0:28:46
Here they come. Hide!	0:28:46	0:28:48
# A merry hour, a hempen rope, and a hey for Davey Jones! #	0:28:48	0:28:50
Yarr! Ha, ha, ha!	0:28:50	0:28:53
Oh...'tis good to be upon the water, me lubbers.	0:28:53	0:28:58
Now we must follow the Captain's orders and, er...	0:28:58	0:29:01
LAUGHTER	0:29:03	0:29:05
..and hoist Tiger Lily onto the rock and leave her there to drown.	0:29:05	0:29:09
Yar! Ye-ha!	0:29:09	0:29:11
Yar...	0:29:13	0:29:15
Any last words, Tiger Lily?	0:29:18	0:29:20
LAUGHTER	0:29:23	0:29:25
These words shan't be my last, as Peter Pan shall save me.	0:29:25	0:29:30
This is a terrible show...	0:29:32	0:29:34
LAUGHTER	0:29:34	0:29:36
..of cowardice, Tiger Lily.	0:29:36	0:29:38
LAUGHTER	0:29:38	0:29:40
We thought you'd put up more of a fight.	0:29:40	0:29:43
Brave men do not sneak up on defenceless girls.	0:29:43	0:29:47
You are the true cowards.	0:29:47	0:29:49
You can't act...	0:29:49	0:29:51
LAUGHTER	0:29:51	0:29:53
..in this way when the Cap'n arrives.	0:29:53	0:29:56
You have a sharp tongue now,	0:29:56	0:29:58
but you shall tremble at the sight	0:29:58	0:30:01
of Hook's impressive arse...	0:30:01	0:30:04
LAUGHTER	0:30:04	0:30:06
..senal of weapons back aboard the Jolly Roger.	0:30:06	0:30:12
-Poor Tiger Lily. Help her, Peter. -Of course I shall.	0:30:12	0:30:15
I'll impersonate Hook!	0:30:15	0:30:17
Watch...	0:30:17	0:30:18
-LIP-SYNCS A RECORDING: -Ahoy, there, you lubbers!	0:30:18	0:30:21
'Tis the Cap'n. He must be rowing out to us!	0:30:21	0:30:24
Just putting Tiger Lily onto the rock, Cap'n!	0:30:24	0:30:27
-RECORDING: -Release her, you blithering imbeciles!	0:30:27	0:30:30
Cut her free!	0:30:30	0:30:31
Aye, Cap'n. I'll cut her free.	0:30:31	0:30:34
Ha, har-har!	0:30:34	0:30:35
Yar!	0:30:35	0:30:36
SWORD CLATTERS ON THE GROUND	0:30:36	0:30:38
LAUGHTER	0:30:46	0:30:49
-ALMOST UNINTELLIGIBLY: -Why don't you cut her free?	0:30:51	0:30:53
LAUGHTER	0:30:53	0:30:55
I don't know what you're saying.	0:30:57	0:30:59
LAUGHTER	0:30:59	0:31:01
Just...give me the swoooord.	0:31:02	0:31:05
What is a swoooord?	0:31:06	0:31:09
It's a swoooord on the floor!	0:31:09	0:31:12
What are you talking about?!	0:31:13	0:31:16
I lost the swoooord in the muuud	0:31:16	0:31:19
and now I need you to find IT!	0:31:19	0:31:24
LAUGHTER	0:31:24	0:31:26
How can you not understand?!	0:31:26	0:31:28
LAUGHTER	0:31:28	0:31:29
No!	0:31:29	0:31:31
Not that!	0:31:32	0:31:34
The swoooord!	0:31:34	0:31:35
No!	0:31:35	0:31:37
-ALMOST UNINTELLIGIBLY: -Why would I want your hat?	0:31:37	0:31:41
Huuuuh?!	0:31:41	0:31:43
LAUGHTER	0:31:43	0:31:44
Hat! I'm already wearing a hat!	0:31:44	0:31:47
LAUGHTER	0:31:47	0:31:48
Everybody understood except for you!	0:31:48	0:31:52
Everybody!	0:31:52	0:31:54
Now, just get the...	0:31:54	0:31:56
Yar... She's free, Cap'n.	0:31:56	0:31:59
LAUGHTER	0:31:59	0:32:01
APPLAUSE	0:32:01	0:32:03
But, Starkey...	0:32:03	0:32:05
The Cap'n seems kind of out of sorts.	0:32:05	0:32:07
Nonsense. Here he comes, rowing out to us now...	0:32:07	0:32:11
Action!	0:32:11	0:32:13
LAUGHTER	0:32:13	0:32:16
Where's Tiger Lily?	0:32:16	0:32:17
We let her go!	0:32:17	0:32:19
Let her go?!	0:32:19	0:32:20
It was your orders, Cap'n!	0:32:20	0:32:23
You blundering blockheads, I said no such thing!	0:32:23	0:32:25
WHISTLE	0:32:25	0:32:27
Only pedalos on the lake!	0:32:27	0:32:29
LAUGHTER	0:32:29	0:32:31
Cap'n, if you didn't give the orders, who did?	0:32:31	0:32:34
LAUGHTER	0:32:34	0:32:37
Perhaps it be the dark spirit that haunts this here lagoon, Starkey.	0:32:37	0:32:44
WHISTLE	0:32:44	0:32:46
-Six o'clock, park's closed! -Oh, come on!	0:32:46	0:32:49
LAUGHTER	0:32:49	0:32:52
Spirit, Cap'n?	0:32:52	0:32:53
LAUGHTER	0:32:53	0:32:56
Legend says this lagoon is haunted by the ghosts of drowned sailors.	0:32:56	0:33:02
Oh... Hello. Chris!	0:33:04	0:33:06
LAUGHTER	0:33:06	0:33:08
Step ashore, Cap'n.	0:33:09	0:33:10
I shall.	0:33:10	0:33:12
Urgh!	0:33:14	0:33:15
LAUGHTER	0:33:16	0:33:18
Spirit!	0:33:18	0:33:20
Dost hear me?	0:33:20	0:33:22
-RECORDING: -I hear you!	0:33:22	0:33:25
Who are you, stranger? Speak!	0:33:25	0:33:27
-RECORDING: -I am James Hook!	0:33:27	0:33:30
Captain of the Jolly Roger!	0:33:30	0:33:32
Oh, no, you are not!	0:33:32	0:33:33
-Oh, yes, he... -No, he's not!	0:33:33	0:33:35
He's not!	0:33:35	0:33:36
LAUGHTER	0:33:38	0:33:40
-TICKING -What's that noise, Cap'n?	0:33:40	0:33:42
A ticking clock.	0:33:42	0:33:44
-'Tis the crocodile! -Yar!	0:33:44	0:33:46
LAUGHTER	0:33:49	0:33:50
Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap.	0:33:50	0:33:53
Spirit!	0:33:53	0:33:55
If you are Hook, then who am I?	0:33:55	0:33:57
-RECORDING: -A codfish!	0:33:57	0:33:59
-RECORDING: -Cut. And that will do.	0:33:59	0:34:01
We are done for the day.	0:34:01	0:34:03
-Robert, Robert, I wanted to talk to you about something. -What?	0:34:03	0:34:06
It's about Jonathan and Sandra.	0:34:06	0:34:09
ROBERT LAUGHS	0:34:09	0:34:10
He's playing Peter Pan and she's playing Wendy.	0:34:10	0:34:12
They shouldn't be sleeping together.	0:34:12	0:34:14
He's supposed to be the boy who wouldn't grow up,	0:34:14	0:34:16
not the boy who couldn't keep it in his pants.	0:34:16	0:34:19
And she's just as bad! Flirting with everybody!	0:34:19	0:34:21
It's no wonder that Max is obsessed with her.	0:34:21	0:34:24
Yes, that's why he wanted to play Peter. To get closer to her.	0:34:24	0:34:27
But Max can't act!	0:34:27	0:34:30
-AUDIENCE SIGHS -He's terrible as Michael	0:34:30	0:34:32
and the crocodile.	0:34:32	0:34:33
He's playing it like a mammal!	0:34:33	0:34:35
I know, Robert, but we need his aunt.	0:34:35	0:34:39
She runs the BBC. It's the only reason he's here.	0:34:39	0:34:42
Yeah. Mm. Mm. What a loser.	0:34:42	0:34:44
-Oh, left the microphone on! -Ah...	0:34:44	0:34:46
RECORDING ENDS	0:34:46	0:34:48
LAUGHTER	0:34:51	0:34:54
-AUDIENCE: -Aw...!	0:34:54	0:34:57
'Tis Peter Pan! Ah!	0:35:02	0:35:04
Tis I!	0:35:04	0:35:06
Vainglorious boy!	0:35:11	0:35:12
I shall split your bones with my hook!	0:35:12	0:35:15
THEY CLASH SWORDS	0:35:15	0:35:17
Ha, ha! Nothing ever hurts me!	0:35:17	0:35:19
I'm Peter Pan!	0:35:19	0:35:21
And I...	0:35:21	0:35:22
Oh, no...no! Don't! Stop...!	0:35:22	0:35:24
-Come on! -Pull him down!	0:35:24	0:35:26
Come on!	0:35:26	0:35:27
You shall die by my blade, Pan!	0:35:27	0:35:30
To die would be an awfully big advent...	0:35:31	0:35:34
-ROPE SNAPS -Argh!	0:35:34	0:35:36
LAUGHTER	0:35:38	0:35:41
-What's happened? -Just fell out of the thing. -What?	0:35:45	0:35:47
-I fell out... -Just keep it going. -What?	0:35:47	0:35:50
Keep it going! Keep it going!	0:35:50	0:35:51
LAUGHTER	0:36:00	0:36:02
Erm...I'm terribly sorry, ladies and gentlemen,	0:36:02	0:36:05
but we seem to have a slight difficulty here.	0:36:05	0:36:08
Erm, many of you may have noticed that Peter Pan...	0:36:08	0:36:11
..took a rather nasty unrehearsed fall there.	0:36:12	0:36:15
Obviously, he wasn't thinking his happy thoughts.	0:36:17	0:36:19
LAUGHTER	0:36:19	0:36:21
-Quickly! Bring him through! -He's lost so much blood.	0:36:21	0:36:24
Anyhow, I'm sure Peter Pan's injuries will be...	0:36:26	0:36:29
less severe than those sustained in a production of Oliver!,	0:36:29	0:36:33
the musical in which I appeared many years ago now.	0:36:33	0:36:36
In the number Boy For Sale...	0:36:38	0:36:41
Yeah?	0:36:42	0:36:43
# Boy, boy for sale... #	0:36:43	0:36:45
LAUGHTER	0:36:45	0:36:48
..our overenthusiastic Mr Bumble...	0:36:50	0:36:54
..tripped backwards onto one of the frailer workhouse children,	0:36:55	0:36:59
crushing him.	0:36:59	0:37:01
See, regrettably, my car was parked in the ambulance bay	0:37:07	0:37:11
and that prevented the paramedics from getting to the poor child,	0:37:11	0:37:15
and very sadly...	0:37:15	0:37:17
..he passed away.	0:37:18	0:37:19
And I...	0:37:22	0:37:23
LAUGHTER	0:37:23	0:37:25
..I can't help but feel partially responsible for this tragic event,	0:37:25	0:37:29
because it was, as I say, it was my car	0:37:29	0:37:32
that stopped medical aid getting to the poor child.	0:37:32	0:37:36
But also because...	0:37:36	0:37:37
LAUGHTER	0:37:42	0:37:44
..I was playing Mr Bumble.	0:37:46	0:37:48
LAUGHTER	0:37:48	0:37:51
Anyway, I think we're ready to begin again...	0:37:57	0:38:00
TWINKLY MUSIC	0:38:06	0:38:08
So, back to Neverland!	0:38:08	0:38:10
I hear this evening's meal is imaginary.	0:38:10	0:38:14
So...it can be anything you want it to be.	0:38:14	0:38:17
-TOGETHER: -Anything?	0:38:17	0:38:19
Anything.	0:38:19	0:38:20
# You can have steak or salami	0:38:21	0:38:24
# You can have chestnuts or cheese	0:38:24	0:38:27
# The only thing to remember	0:38:27	0:38:31
-# Is the magic word -TOGETHER: -What?	0:38:31	0:38:33
# Please	0:38:33	0:38:35
-So I can have anything I can think of? -Of course!	0:38:35	0:38:38
# I could have lobster or lettuce	0:38:38	0:38:41
# You could have pastry or pies	0:38:41	0:38:45
# I could have dumplings or damsons	0:38:45	0:38:47
-BEEPING -# Your taxi has arrived	0:38:47	0:38:51
ALL: # Give and take, then we can make	0:38:52	0:38:55
# Whatever we can conceive	0:38:55	0:38:58
# With faith and trust and fairy dust	0:38:58	0:39:02
# And the world of make-believe... #	0:39:02	0:39:05
-Wendy, where's Peter? -This is Neverland, Michael.	0:39:05	0:39:08
He could be anywhere you want him to be.	0:39:08	0:39:10
# He could be fighting a pirate	0:39:10	0:39:15
-# Or chasing a wasp -Ow!	0:39:15	0:39:18
# He could be riding a star	0:39:18	0:39:22
Impossible!	0:39:22	0:39:23
# Of course	0:39:23	0:39:25
# I could be a steam-engine driver	0:39:25	0:39:28
# Or a sailor at sea	0:39:29	0:39:32
# You could be a prince fighting dragons	0:39:32	0:39:35
-BEEPING -# Cut to camera three	0:39:35	0:39:41
# I'll be the warrior winning the war	0:39:41	0:39:43
# I'll be a lawyer learning the law	0:39:43	0:39:45
# I'll be a pastor protecting the poor	0:39:45	0:39:47
-BEEPING -# Teletubbies! Teletubbies!	0:39:47	0:39:50
Argh!	0:39:50	0:39:51
ALL: # We can change them, we can make	0:39:51	0:39:53
# Whatever we can conceive	0:39:53	0:39:57
# With faith and trust and fairy dust	0:39:57	0:40:00
# With sticks and stones and bags of bones	0:40:00	0:40:04
# With ups and downs and all arounds	0:40:04	0:40:08
# With hops and skips and broken bits	0:40:08	0:40:11
SLOW BLUES MUSIC	0:40:13	0:40:19
LAUGHTER	0:40:19	0:40:21
# With faith and trust and fairy dust	0:40:26	0:40:29
# And a world of make-believe	0:40:29	0:40:32
# And a world of make-believe. #	0:40:32	0:40:40
Argh!	0:40:40	0:40:42
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE	0:40:42	0:40:45
I wish we could stay here forever.	0:40:47	0:40:50
Michael, you must not forget	0:40:50	0:40:52
that we have a mother and father waiting for us back at home.	0:40:52	0:40:55
Oh, I hear Peter outside.	0:40:55	0:40:57
Quickly, all of you, you know how he likes you to meet him at the door!	0:40:57	0:41:01
LAUGHTER	0:41:02	0:41:05
Peter enters.	0:41:16	0:41:17
-Peter, you're back! -Any adventures, Peter?	0:41:17	0:41:21
I battled with two tigers and a dozen pirates.	0:41:22	0:41:25
How exciting, Peter!	0:41:25	0:41:26
I...I...I love adventures, Wendy!	0:41:26	0:41:29
Peter flies around the room, showboating and full of mirth.	0:41:29	0:41:32
LAUGHTER	0:41:32	0:41:34
Stop it! Stop! No, no, no, stop!	0:41:34	0:41:38
-Gently. Careful, careful, careful! -No, stop, no! Stop! Just stop!	0:41:39	0:41:43
No...!	0:41:43	0:41:44
Oh, Peter!	0:41:45	0:41:47
No-one flies better than you!	0:41:47	0:41:49
LAUGHTER	0:41:49	0:41:51
I...I...I...I shall tell you my tale.	0:41:51	0:41:53
Peter lands nimbly. Oh, no!	0:41:53	0:41:55
LOUD THUD	0:41:55	0:41:57
This all sounds wonderful, but first you must have your dinner.	0:41:59	0:42:02
Erm...erm...	0:42:02	0:42:04
P...Peter begins to eat Tinkerbell...	0:42:04	0:42:06
LAUGHTER	0:42:06	0:42:08
..seems...most unhappy Wendy.	0:42:12	0:42:15
Perhaps she is angry with me.	0:42:15	0:42:17
Fairies have...	0:42:17	0:42:18
Fai... Fairies...	0:42:18	0:42:20
Fairies have...	0:42:21	0:42:22
No...! No! Help me!	0:42:22	0:42:24
Fairies have to be one thing, or the other,	0:42:24	0:42:27
because being so small they have room for only one feeling at a time.	0:42:27	0:42:31
Ah... I fear she is jealous of me.	0:42:31	0:42:33
LOUD THUD	0:42:33	0:42:34
Nothing ever hurts me, I'm Peter Pan!	0:42:36	0:42:38
And...Peter flies up onto the table.	0:42:44	0:42:47
LAUGHTER	0:42:47	0:42:49
To die would be an awfully big...	0:42:54	0:42:56
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE	0:43:00	0:43:03
-BEEPING -Not you, Dennis! Walk away!	0:43:31	0:43:34
LAUGHTER	0:43:34	0:43:36
AUDIENCE CHEERS	0:43:44	0:43:46
CHEERING	0:43:55	0:43:58
When you die, you fly over the waters and the stars guide your way.	0:44:00	0:44:05
-Oh, Peter. -I do so love adventures, Wendy.	0:44:05	0:44:08
-RECORDING: -Sound cue recording 21. Panpipes. Take one.	0:44:08	0:44:12
LAUGHTER	0:44:12	0:44:14
SILENCE AS HE BLOWS	0:44:14	0:44:16
DOOR OPENS	0:44:16	0:44:17
-RECORDING: -Oh, hello, Max.	0:44:17	0:44:18
-RECORDING: -Sorry, I just wanted to ask about Peter Pan again.	0:44:18	0:44:21
Max, we have been over this.	0:44:21	0:44:23
You're playing Michael Darling and the crocodile.	0:44:23	0:44:25
But no-one likes the crocodile and Peter gets to do all the fun stuff.	0:44:25	0:44:29
Like kissing Sandra?	0:44:29	0:44:30
-Remember she's in a relationship. -I think I'm in love with Sandra.	0:44:30	0:44:34
She's my soul mate.	0:44:34	0:44:36
Max, I need to finish recording the panpipes.	0:44:36	0:44:40
Sorry.	0:44:40	0:44:41
DOOR CLOSES	0:44:41	0:44:43
Note. Don't use take one.	0:44:43	0:44:45
RECORDING ENDS	0:44:45	0:44:47
HE BLOWS FEEBLY	0:44:52	0:44:54
LAUGHTER	0:44:56	0:44:59
TWINKLY MUSIC	0:45:02	0:45:04
Meanwhile, Wendy began to understand	0:45:06	0:45:09
it was time for her, John and Michael to fly home from Neverland.	0:45:09	0:45:14
Peter, if you would come back with me,	0:45:14	0:45:16
I'm sure my mother and father would adopt you.	0:45:16	0:45:18
No, Wendy. I flew home once to see my mother and I found that	0:45:18	0:45:21
the windows were barred and she'd forgotten all about me	0:45:21	0:45:24
and there was another little boy asleep in my bed.	0:45:24	0:45:26
In that case, I must leave at once.	0:45:26	0:45:28
And you must kiss me goodbye, Peter.	0:45:28	0:45:29
-AUDIENCE: -Wooooo!	0:45:29	0:45:32
Oh, Peter, I meant a real kiss.	0:45:34	0:45:36
-A...a real kiss? -Don't you know what a real kiss is?	0:45:37	0:45:40
N...no. I do not.	0:45:40	0:45:42
Then I will show you.	0:45:42	0:45:44
LAUGHTER	0:45:47	0:45:49
-AUDIENCE: -Aw...!	0:45:54	0:45:57
-This is a real kiss? -Yes, Peter.	0:45:57	0:45:59
A real kiss.	0:45:59	0:46:01
-AUDIENCE: -Aaah...!	0:46:01	0:46:03
LAUGHTER	0:46:03	0:46:06
It's time for you to go now. No fuss, no blubbering.	0:46:06	0:46:09
I hope your mother's happy to see you all again.	0:46:09	0:46:11
Be careful you don't run into pirates. Or that crocodile.	0:46:11	0:46:14
That nobody likes.	0:46:14	0:46:15
-AUDIENCE: -Ooooh!	0:46:15	0:46:18
But little did Peter, Wendy or the Lost Boys	0:46:18	0:46:22
know that Hook lurked among the trees!	0:46:22	0:46:25
And his men kidnapped the children.	0:46:25	0:46:27
-AUDIENCE: -Boo!	0:46:27	0:46:29
Oh, grow up!	0:46:29	0:46:31
With them all captured,	0:46:34	0:46:36
Hook crept into the clearing.	0:46:36	0:46:38
And with stealth, cunning, guile and craft,	0:46:38	0:46:41
he added poison to the medicine draught.	0:46:41	0:46:45
-AUDIENCE: -Boo!	0:46:46	0:46:48
Now...where is Peter Pan?	0:46:48	0:46:51
-AUDIENCE: -He's behind you!	0:46:53	0:46:55
LAUGHTER	0:46:56	0:46:59
Where is Peter Pan?	0:46:59	0:47:03
-AUDIENCE: -He's behind you!	0:47:03	0:47:05
I know!	0:47:05	0:47:06
I know! I know he's behind me!	0:47:06	0:47:09
LAUGHTER	0:47:09	0:47:10
I directed the show! I told him to go there!	0:47:10	0:47:13
LAUGHTER	0:47:13	0:47:15
You have to let me find him!	0:47:15	0:47:17
Idiots!	0:47:19	0:47:20
Where is...? Oh, there he is.	0:47:24	0:47:26
LAUGHTER	0:47:26	0:47:28
Medicine...	0:47:31	0:47:32
..poison.	0:47:33	0:47:35
Ha, ha, ha!	0:47:35	0:47:37
-AUDIENCE: -Boo!	0:47:37	0:47:40
LAUGHTER	0:47:42	0:47:44
-MAN IN AUDIENCE: -Hurry up!	0:47:49	0:47:51
LAUGHTER	0:47:51	0:47:52
Ah...	0:47:59	0:48:01
-MAN IN AUDIENCE: -You need a hand!	0:48:08	0:48:10
No, I do not need a hand!	0:48:12	0:48:14
-AUDIENCE MEMBER: -Oh, yes, you...	0:48:14	0:48:16
No, I don't!	0:48:16	0:48:17
LAUGHTER	0:48:17	0:48:20
Shut up! What is wrong with you people?!	0:48:22	0:48:25
This is a serious play!	0:48:26	0:48:28
-AUDIENCE: -Oh, no, it isn't! -Yes, it is!	0:48:28	0:48:31
You're ruining it!	0:48:31	0:48:32
-AUDIENCE MEMBER: -Oh, no, we aren't! -Yes, you are!	0:48:34	0:48:36
LAUGHTER	0:48:36	0:48:38
Let me do it!	0:48:41	0:48:43
-AUDIENCE: -Wooooh...	0:48:46	0:48:50
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE	0:48:52	0:48:54
Argh!	0:49:08	0:49:10
Yar!	0:49:10	0:49:12
-AUDIENCE: -Booooo!	0:49:12	0:49:15
Shut up!	0:49:15	0:49:17
God...!	0:49:23	0:49:25
LAUGHTER	0:49:26	0:49:29
CHEERING	0:49:32	0:49:34
Oh, Wendy? Ah, Tink! Tinkerbell...?	0:49:34	0:49:37
What's the matter?	0:49:39	0:49:41
Wendy and the boys captured by pirates?!	0:49:41	0:49:43
I'll rescue her. Where's my dagger?	0:49:43	0:49:44
Oh!	0:49:46	0:49:47
That? That's just my medicine.	0:49:50	0:49:52
Poisoned? Who could have poisoned it?	0:49:53	0:49:55
I promised I would drink it and I will!	0:49:55	0:49:58
-AUDIENCE: -No!	0:49:58	0:49:59
No, Tink! That's my medicine, not yours!	0:49:59	0:50:02
-It's for Peter Pan, not Tinkerbell. -ELECTRICAL BUZZING	0:50:02	0:50:04
LOUD BANG	0:50:04	0:50:06
GENERATOR POWERS DOWN	0:50:06	0:50:08
Annie?	0:50:08	0:50:10
GENERATOR POWERS BACK UP	0:50:11	0:50:14
LAUGHTER	0:50:14	0:50:18
Tink?	0:50:18	0:50:19
Tinkerbell?	0:50:22	0:50:23
-SERIOUS VOICE: -Tinkerbell?	0:50:25	0:50:26
LAUGHTER	0:50:26	0:50:28
Tinky...	0:50:28	0:50:29
Tink, are you all right?	0:50:29	0:50:31
Tinkerbell...? Tinkerb...	0:50:31	0:50:32
Annie? Annie?	0:50:32	0:50:34
Chris? Chris? Chris?	0:50:34	0:50:35
Chris!	0:50:35	0:50:36
On her back. Put her on her back.	0:50:36	0:50:39
Watch her wings, watch her wings.	0:50:39	0:50:41
-Watch her wings... -She spilt this.	0:50:41	0:50:43
For God's sake...	0:50:43	0:50:45
-Electrocuted?! -Shhh!	0:50:48	0:50:50
Shoo...Shoo...	0:50:52	0:50:53
Who's the first-aider?	0:50:53	0:50:55
Who's the first-aider?	0:50:55	0:50:57
LAUGHTER	0:50:58	0:50:59
She's the first-aider.	0:50:59	0:51:01
LAUGHTER	0:51:01	0:51:03
David! David!	0:51:05	0:51:07
-What? -Call an ambulance...	0:51:07	0:51:09
and move your car.	0:51:09	0:51:11
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE	0:51:11	0:51:14
-David, do something to cover. -What?	0:51:23	0:51:25
You're the professional. Cover!	0:51:25	0:51:27
LAUGHTER	0:51:28	0:51:31
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE	0:51:33	0:51:36
AS POIROT: Mesdames et messieurs...	0:51:51	0:51:53
CHEERING AND LAUGHTER	0:51:53	0:51:56
..it is not very usual	0:51:56	0:51:59
for Poirot to be so near to the catastrophe.	0:51:59	0:52:02
LAUGHTER	0:52:02	0:52:04
Thank you, David. Get off.	0:52:06	0:52:07
LAUGHTER	0:52:07	0:52:09
We have to b...believe in fairies!	0:52:12	0:52:16
Not now, Lucy. This is serious!	0:52:16	0:52:19
I...	0:52:22	0:52:24
b...b...believe in fairies!	0:52:24	0:52:26
Grow up, Lucy!	0:52:26	0:52:27
-AUDIENCE JOINS IN -I...	0:52:27	0:52:29
b...b...believe in fairies!	0:52:29	0:52:31
What are you doing? Please?	0:52:31	0:52:33
I...b...b...believe in fairies!	0:52:33	0:52:36
Settle down, plea...	0:52:36	0:52:38
-AUDIENCE: -I believe in fairies!	0:52:38	0:52:40
ALL: I believe in fairies! I believe in fairies!	0:52:40	0:52:44
I believe in fairies! I believe in fairies!	0:52:44	0:52:48
CHEERING	0:52:48	0:52:50
Positions!	0:52:53	0:52:55
Yes! Yes, yes! Thank you!	0:52:57	0:52:59
Thank you! You...	0:52:59	0:53:02
You saved Tinkerbell!	0:53:02	0:53:04
LAUGHTER	0:53:04	0:53:07
And now to rescue Wendy.	0:53:07	0:53:09
Come on, Tink, to the pirate ship!	0:53:09	0:53:11
It's Hook or me this time!	0:53:11	0:53:13
# Yo, ho! Yo, ho!	0:53:15	0:53:18
# Yo, ho, the pirate life	0:53:18	0:53:20
# The flag of skull and bones	0:53:20	0:53:23
# A merry hour, a hempen rope and a hey for Davey Jones! #	0:53:23	0:53:27
Ha, ha, ha, haaar!	0:53:27	0:53:29
What's going on?	0:53:29	0:53:31
-# A ho, hey, ho, a pirating we go... -Keep going. Keep going!	0:53:31	0:53:34
-# And if we're parted by a shot -Stop the revolve.	0:53:34	0:53:37
-# We're sure to meet below... # -Stop the revolve!	0:53:37	0:53:38
SINGING CONTINUES	0:53:38	0:53:44
You look great, you look great. You look beautiful, you look beautiful!	0:53:49	0:53:52
# A-sailing on the seven seas, what better life is there?	0:53:52	0:53:55
-AUDIENCE: -Wooooo!	0:53:55	0:53:57
# And any honest Jack or John had better best beware!	0:53:57	0:54:01
# Had better best beware!	0:54:01	0:54:03
# Yo, ho, the pirate life, the flag of skull and bones	0:54:03	0:54:07
# A merry hour, a hempen rope and a hey for Davy Jones!	0:54:07	0:54:11
-Come on! -For God's sake, I'm doing something!	0:54:11	0:54:15
LAUGHTER	0:54:15	0:54:17
THEY ARGUE, SINGING CONTINUES	0:54:22	0:54:25
Stop taping it down! It's not going to make a difference!	0:54:25	0:54:28
What are you doing?	0:54:28	0:54:30
Trevor, use the anchor! My God...	0:54:30	0:54:33
Give it back to me. Give me back the tape.	0:54:33	0:54:36
Sandra, no, no, no, no! You don't understand. No, don't...	0:54:36	0:54:39
I don't know what happened. Look, just let me explain.	0:54:40	0:54:44
-All your fault! -Sandra, she came on to me! She came on to me!	0:54:44	0:54:47
-Sandra! Sandra! -You're the one with the girlfriend!	0:54:47	0:54:50
# And a hey for Davy Jones! #	0:54:50	0:54:57
-ALL: -Yeah!	0:54:58	0:55:00
APPLAUSE	0:55:00	0:55:04
How still the night is.	0:55:04	0:55:06
LAUGHTER	0:55:06	0:55:08
Nothing sounds alive.	0:55:08	0:55:10
CAR HORN	0:55:10	0:55:12
A cab!	0:55:12	0:55:14
Why is there a cab in this scene?!	0:55:14	0:55:17
LAUGHTER	0:55:17	0:55:20
Revenge will soon be mine.	0:55:20	0:55:23
Save us, Peter!	0:55:23	0:55:25
Quiet, you dogs, or I'll cast anchor in you!	0:55:25	0:55:27
Now, will you join my crew	0:55:27	0:55:32
or die in the light of the full moon?	0:55:32	0:55:36
Arh!	0:55:36	0:55:37
MOON THUMPS	0:55:37	0:55:38
LAUGHTER	0:55:38	0:55:41
We shall none of us ever be pirates.	0:55:41	0:55:43
Is that so, my dear?	0:55:43	0:55:45
It'll be the plank for you, then.	0:55:45	0:55:47
Hey, Smee...	0:55:49	0:55:51
BEEPING	0:55:51	0:55:52
Dennis, you're wearing the wrong costume.	0:55:52	0:55:55
LAUGHTER	0:55:55	0:55:56
Get the plank ready, Mr Cecco!	0:55:56	0:55:59
-Bring the first prisoner to the plank, Mr Starkey. -Aye, Cap'n.	0:56:01	0:56:05
Oh, be brave, Tootles!	0:56:05	0:56:07
Yar...	0:56:07	0:56:09
LAUGHTER	0:56:09	0:56:11
Tootles, Cap'n?	0:56:11	0:56:13
Tootles.	0:56:16	0:56:17
Har!	0:56:17	0:56:19
There's none can save him now.	0:56:23	0:56:26
There's one!	0:56:26	0:56:28
'Tis I! Peter Pan the avenger!	0:56:28	0:56:31
I'll save you, Tootles!	0:56:31	0:56:33
Argh!	0:56:33	0:56:34
Pan!	0:56:37	0:56:38
Peter!	0:56:39	0:56:41
-Snap. Snap. Snap... -Hook, the crocodile is here!	0:56:42	0:56:44
He knows your end is near.	0:56:44	0:56:46
CHEERING	0:56:47	0:56:49
Snap! Snap! Snap! Snap! Snap! Snap!	0:56:49	0:56:51
Surround them! This one's mine!	0:56:51	0:56:54
-Dark and sinister man, have at thee! -Hyah!	0:56:54	0:56:57
Not again!	0:56:58	0:57:00
Get back here, Pan!	0:57:00	0:57:03
-Where are you going? Stay and fight! -Argh! Whoa!	0:57:03	0:57:06
Oh, my God!	0:57:10	0:57:12
-Fire! -Stop panicking!	0:57:12	0:57:14
Snap, snap, snap!	0:57:17	0:57:18
Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap!	0:57:18	0:57:20
Good God, no, no, no, no!	0:57:20	0:57:23
Argh!	0:57:23	0:57:25
-What are you doing? This is my job. -This is mine! -My job!	0:57:27	0:57:29
Argh!	0:57:29	0:57:30
Happy Christmas, mate!	0:57:30	0:57:32
Careful, careful, careful!	0:57:32	0:57:34
Argh...!	0:57:34	0:57:36
Argh!	0:57:36	0:57:38
-AUDIENCE: -Oooooh!	0:57:42	0:57:44
Argh...!	0:57:44	0:57:47
Eggheads, what is the term given to a person or group	0:57:49	0:57:52
illegally distributing copyright material for personal profit?	0:57:52	0:57:58
THEY CONFER	0:57:58	0:57:59
-Pirates. -LOUD CRASHING	0:57:59	0:58:02
BBC NEWS THEME TUNE	0:58:08	0:58:10
The BBC has confirmed the cancellation	0:58:10	0:58:12
of its Community Choice Project.	0:58:12	0:58:15
LOUD CRASH	0:58:15	0:58:16
THEY GIGGLE	0:58:16	0:58:19
Look out! Look out!	0:58:19	0:58:21
Argh...!	0:58:21	0:58:24
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE	0:58:32	0:58:35
You...	0:58:38	0:58:40
You saved me!	0:58:40	0:58:42
Peter...	0:58:42	0:58:44
you saved all of us.	0:58:44	0:58:45
You're a hero.	0:58:45	0:58:47
But I'm not Peter.	0:58:47	0:58:48
I'm the crocodile.	0:58:49	0:58:51
CHEERING	0:58:51	0:58:53
PO GIGGLES	0:58:53	0:58:55
HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS	0:58:58	0:59:00
Urgh!	0:59:02	0:59:03
-PO: -Woo!	0:59:19	0:59:20
LAUGHTER	0:59:20	0:59:23
PO GIGGLES	0:59:23	0:59:25
LAUGHTER	0:59:25	0:59:27
Oh, for God's sake...!	0:59:28	0:59:30
Thus...	0:59:33	0:59:34
..perished James Hook and his crew,	0:59:36	0:59:39
devoured by the crocodile...	0:59:39	0:59:40
Snap, snap, snap!	0:59:40	0:59:43
Wendy, of course, had stood, taking no part in the fight,	0:59:43	0:59:46
though now she watched her hero with glistening eyes	0:59:46	0:59:50
and when he slept that night she held him tight.	0:59:50	0:59:54
CHEERING	0:59:55	0:59:58
And now, sadly,	0:59:58	1:00:01
it is time to bring an end to our tale,	1:00:01	1:00:03
for we must leave Neverland, Peter and Tinkerbell...	1:00:03	1:00:07
CHEERING	1:00:10	1:00:12
..and return to that home from which three of our characters	1:00:12	1:00:16
had taken flight so long ago.	1:00:16	1:00:18
Liza sat by the window	1:00:18	1:00:21
and, on seeing the children, ran to fetch Mrs Darling.	1:00:21	1:00:24
CHEERING	1:00:29	1:00:31
Wendy, John and...	1:00:31	1:00:35
..the crocodile...	1:00:36	1:00:37
CHEERING	1:00:37	1:00:39
..found the window open.	1:00:39	1:00:40
Mr Darling came rushing in from the yard	1:00:42	1:00:44
to celebrate the homecoming of his dear ones.	1:00:44	1:00:47
LAUGHTER	1:00:47	1:00:49
There could not have been a lovelier sight.	1:00:49	1:00:52
But there was none there to see it,	1:00:52	1:00:55
except for a strange boy, who was sitting at the window.	1:00:55	1:00:59
Argh!	1:00:59	1:01:00
LOUD CRASH	1:01:00	1:01:02
The children, Mr and Mrs Darling...	1:01:02	1:01:04
..and the crocodile...	1:01:05	1:01:07
Snap!	1:01:07	1:01:09
..stood together,	1:01:09	1:01:11
united in their new-found bliss.	1:01:11	1:01:14
And perhaps it was at this moment	1:01:14	1:01:17
they all realised that	1:01:17	1:01:20
to live would be an awfully big adventure.	1:01:20	1:01:26
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE	1:01:29	1:01:32
A bow together.	1:01:38	1:01:40
Three, two, one...	1:01:40	1:01:42
# With give and take, then we can make	1:01:45	1:01:48
# Whatever we can conceive	1:01:48	1:01:52
# With faith and trust and fairy dust	1:01:52	1:01:55
# And the world of make-believe	1:01:55	1:01:59
# And the world of make-believe! #	1:01:59	1:02:06
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE	1:02:06	1:02:11
PO GIGGLES	1:02:11	1:02:13

Peter Pan Goes Wrong

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