Radio 2 Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome

to this special Radio 2 edition of Pointless Celebrities.

This is the show where all the questions have been asked

to 100 people before the show.

All our celebrities have to do is come up with the answers

those 100 people couldn't think of.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

APPLAUSE

-Couple number one.

-I'm Anneka Rice

and I present the weekend breakfast show on a Saturday on Radio 2.

And I'm Ken Bruce.

I ask difficult questions in PopMaster every day

but I can't answer any questions!

APPLAUSE

Couple number two.

Hi, I'm Craig Charles and I present the House Party

on Radio 2 on a Saturday night.

And I'm Vanessa Feltz and I'm the early bird on Radio 2.

At some point, I hope to catch a worm.

APPLAUSE

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Jeremy Vine and I present the kind of news show at midday

and do some graphics for BBC elections.

I'm Jo Whiley and I'm for the night shift workers.

I play records on the radio.

APPLAUSE

-And, finally, couple number four.

-I'm Michael Ball.

I present a show on a Sunday.

I'm here to tell you that "love changes everything"

and that this is my mother, Zoe.

Yes, hello, I'm Zoe Ball, mother of two

and occasional host of PopMaster, when Mr Ken Bruce is away

and yes, I know I'm not really very good at it.

And also, I sometimes get involved in dancing.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much, all of you.

We'll get to chat to each of you through the show as it goes along.

So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce -

a man who's capable of a short wave AND a long wave,

depending on what kind of mood he's in,

it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya. Hey, everybody.

-APPLAUSE

Good evening. Well, good evening to you.

Well, good evening.

I have to say this is about as close to my perfect line-up

-as you could possibly get.

-Yeah.

Some of the loveliest people you could imagine on today's show.

If I'm being super picky,

I'd like Jedward to be here as well but they're not.

We've got a lovely pair of Balls on podium four though, so that's nice.

Now, the most competitive show we've ever had

was the Radio 1 special,

-cos they all worked in the same building next to each other.

-Mm.

-I suspect we might see something similar today.

-I think we may.

I should point out, though, competitive though it will be,

that podium two is going to be difficult to beat.

Vanessa and Craig have both been on the show before

and have both got through to the jackpot round.

-Vanessa's won the jackpot as well.

-Fix!

-Ooh!

They are going to be pretty strong, I think.

There we are. Thank you very much, Richard.

All of today's questions have been asked to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants are hoping to find one of those pointless answers,

an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those and we will add £250 to the jackpot.

As today's show is a celebrity special,

each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity,

we are going to start off with a jackpot of £2,500. There we are.

APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

The only rule you have to remember is this.

The pair with the highest score

at the end of each round will be eliminated.

Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category this evening is...

-Ooh!

-No pressure!

-Popular Music. Can you all decide in your pairs...

Michael Ball already looking worried.

..which of you is going to go first, which is going to go second.

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

-Richard.

-In a moment, Xander's going to show you

the name of six artists and we are looking for

any UK number one single by any of those artists, please,

according to officialcharts.com.

OK, we're going to put those six artists up on the board

and they'll stay up there for the whole round.

You just have to throw out the name of any song

that has been a number one hit for any of these artists.

HE SIGHS I'm nervous.

Let's see who those artists are. We have got...

-Anneka.

-Oh!

-Anneka, welcome back to Pointless.

-It's lovely to see you.

I gather you're revisiting Challenge Anneka, you're catching up.

We're catching up, because the over 60 projects we did,

well, some are celebrating their 25th anniversary this year,

-some their 21st, cos it went on for many years.

-Yeah.

So, I'm going round the whole country, revisiting...

That must be so rewarding.

I've been off to Romania, soup kitchens in London.

The projects are so varied and they're all going strong,

so it's a lovely thing to do.

And, of course, on The Archers, recently...

Because 23 years ago, I did up their village hall,

-they asked me back over Easter to reopen it again.

-Fantastic!

Highlight of my life, frankly! The rest is nothing.

-Now, back to reality here, Anneka.

-OK.

What about these artists and their number one singles?

I'm just going to go for Robbie Williams and Millennium.

Millennium, says Anneka. Let's see if that's right

and how many of our 100 people said Millennium.

It's right.

Ooh.

-It's not bad.

-Oh!

There we are. 19. APPLAUSE

A good start to the round and for the show.

Yeah, tough on that first podium.

That was a number one in 1998, confusingly.

-It's a little bit early, isn't it?

-A little bit previous there.

-A little bit, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Thank you very much.

-Vanessa, welcome back.

-Yes, hello.

-Welcome back. Vanessa, your show...

-You're on at five, I think.

-That's right.

You're there at five, you look at the papers, you do a round-up,

and then you walk over to BBC London...

Yes, I waddle fast to another building, yes.

But then, presumably,

the show you do on Radio 2 is your warm-up for BBC London.

Don't tell anyone at Radio 2 that, for goodness' sake! No, far from it!

-That's just what it sounds like.

-How rude!

That's quite handy cos you'll have done all the newspaper work.

It's a different kind of show.

The Radio 2 show is a lovely, cosy good morning show

-and the other one, on BBC Radio London, is hard news.

-Oh, it is!

Very different sort of show.

-You have to land on every issue running, don't you?

-That's right.

You have to have opinions.

Do you sometimes, just for the fun of it, think,

-"I'm fairly easygoing on this one..."?

-Never! Never!

-OK.

-You don't think, "I'd better up the vinegar on this"?

-Certainly not, no.

Quite right. Now, Vanessa, what would you like to go for?

Well, I thought I might try Elton John and Daniel.

Daniel, says Vanessa. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Daniel.

-Oh, no!

-Oh! Oh!

-Oh, dear!

-That is an incorrect answer.

Scores you 100 points.

Yeah, not a number one single, I'm afraid, Daniel.

It may not be the last 100 points of the round, I suspect.

It's wrong for the right reasons,

though, Vanessa. Jo, welcome.

-Hi.

-Lovely to have you here.

-You started at Radio 1 in, sort of, early '90s, mid '90s?

-Yeah.

-Sort of '92.

-'92, '93, yeah.

There you are, breaking new acts still, aren't you?

-Yeah.

-You're doing a sort of John Peel job on Radio 2 now.

Yeah, I was doing the Evening Session at 1

and now I'm kind of doing an evening session at Radio 2,

so, we have loads of concerts, the likes of Ed Sheeran, a-ha...

-It's a varied palate that I have.

-But still, not a duff flavour on it.

-All you're hearing is a-ha, you're happy.

-Yeah.

It could be 24-hour a-ha and he'd be over the moon.

It seems to have been the best thing I've done at Radio 2, apparently.

There you go. Now, Jo, what would you like to go for?

Can I just say commiserations to Craig and Vanessa?

I'd just like to put that out there.

Not that we're competitive at all in any way(!)

-No, we were quietly upset.

-Now watch me sink here.

I'm going to go with Eminem and I'm going to say Stan.

-Stan.

-Yeah.

-Stan.

A little bit of agitation on podium four there.

I think you might have nicked someone's answer there,

-but there we are. Stan.

-Really well done, Jo.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Stan.

-It's right.

-Phew!

-100 was our high score, 19 is our low.

You passed the high score at the beginning of the round.

-You pass the low.

-Whoa!

-There we are.

14, very well done indeed, Jo. APPLAUSE

Very well played, Jo. From 2000, that was.

The one that samples Dido in it as well.

Thank you very much, Richard. Now, Michael, welcome.

-Yes.

-Now, there you are, Sunday morning.

-Yeah.

-Prestigious flagship show.

-It's a lovely, lovely, lovely show.

It's, for me, the best time of the week and the best show of the week.

-Wonderful.

-No disrespect, guys.

That is lovely, and to take over from Sir Terry as well.

Yes, taking over in such sad circumstances

and not expected at all. A real honour.

I adored the man, I adored the bones of him

and so, to be able to sit in his seat is a real privilege.

Wonderful, and I imagine you get a lot of support from the TOGs

-as well.

-Yeah, yeah. None from these guys, obviously.

-No, no.

LAUGHTER

-Well, very best of luck with that, Michael.

-Thank you.

-What would you like to go for?

-Right...

Cos someone stole my answer, I'm going to go for Robbie Williams

and Something Stupid, which he did with Nicole Kidman.

OK, let's see if that's right

and how many of our 100 people went for Something Stupid.

Oh, it's not going to, is it?

It's right. It is, it is.

Well, 19 - sorry - 14 is our low score.

Oh, and look at that!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1, Michael, 1!

-Very well done indeed.

-No, really,

I'm very relaxed about that.

So, by stealing your original answer,

-actually, Jo did you an enormous favour.

-Fabulous!

Not competitive at all(!) Yeah, it was Christmas number one, that song.

The Christmas number one the previous year was

-Can We Fix It by Bob The Builder. Just so you know.

-There we are.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

1, Michael Ball, the best, the best answer of the round

by a margin, in fact. Very well done.

Then we travel up to 14,

Jo and Jeremy.

19's where we find Anneka and Ken.

And then...well, Vanessa and Craig.

Craig, a low score from you, you never know,

might keep you in the game.

Anything could happen.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, Zoe.

-Oh, yes, hello.

-Welcome. Lovely to have you here.

-Zoe, you've worked at Radio 1 and Radio 2.

-Yeah.

What would you say is the difference? Is there a difference?

Well, I actually grew up listening to more of Radio 2 than Radio 1,

I have to say. I loved all the shows on Sundays,

I loved all the kind of...

I grew up with Terry Wogan at breakfast time, so I kind of,

I was never very cool, but I always thought I was quite cool,

so I kind of feel like I've come home, in a way, actually.

But I guess, Radio 2...

I love the fact that younger people listen to Radio 2 as well.

-I do listen to a bit of Radio 1.

-Yeah.

Occasionally, it's a bit grrr, frenetic for me,

but I love a bit of grime. Doesn't everybody?

So, I do have a little switch between the two.

There we are. Listen, Zoe, you're on 1.

The high-scorers are Craig and Vanessa on 100.

So, 98 or less definitely sees you through to the next round.

I think I'm going to go with Elton John,

Song For Guy.

-Song For Guy.

-Yeah.

-Oh!

There is your red line. If you can get below that red line,

you're through to the next round.

Let's see how many people said Song For Guy.

-Oh, no!

-Oh, gosh!

-Was it number two?

-Was it number two?

-OK, there we are.

100 is what that scores.

-Takes your total up to 101.

-I'm so sorry.

You might still be in the game.

-Oh, gosh!

-101 is your total though.

The big question here is,

what on Earth has Elton John been playing at?

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much indeed. Jeremy, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you so much.

-Great to have you here.

Let's just talk a bit about your brilliant show.

You took over from Jimmy Young how long ago?

2003, January 6th.

I totted it up recently and it's 13 years, actually.

That is extraordinary.

And I think it's the best job in the BBC, notwithstanding all of the fun

that my colleagues have described. I really love it.

It's an extraordinary programme.

He got the ball rolling fantastically,

but you have made it your own

and, unsurprisingly, it's more popular than the Today programme,

-for example.

-Well...

-The sort of flagship news programme on Radio 4.

You didn't say that on the Radio 4 special.

On the Radio 4 special, there was about 20 minutes of,

"Oh, Jeremy Vine..."

LAUGHTER

Well, the craziness of being able to interview the Prime Minister

and then say, "Have you ever been pecked in the eye by a gannet?"

But it is that extraordinary... It's the perfect magazine programme.

It manages to be very light-hearted at the same time as being...

-That's very kind.

-It deals with all the major stories. Brilliant.

-Thank you.

-Absolutely fantastic.

Now then, Jeremy, talking about major stories,

what are you going to go for here?

The high-scorers are behind you, 101. You're on 14.

86 is your target, 86 or less.

Yeah, I think I'm going to go for Kylie Minogue,

-Spinning Around.

-Spinning Around. Here is your red line.

Get below that with Spinning Around, you're into the next round.

How many of our 100 people said it?

-It's right and you're through. Very well done indeed.

-Oh, that's good.

Oh, that's good. Come on! Go down.

Perfectly good. 10 for Spinning Around.

APPLAUSE Takes your total up to 24,

which I suspect might be the lowest total of the round. We'll see.

Very well played. Number one in 2000.

-Kylie Minogue really showing Elton John the way to go, isn't she?

-Yeah.

-Thank you very much. Craig.

-Hi.

-Welcome. The newest member

-of the Radio 2 line-up there.

-Yeah.

-Fantastic.

And the House Party.

I'm kind of Mr Saturday night now. I do six till nine on 6 Music

have an hour off, then I do ten till midnight on Radio 2.

So, you're like Vanessa. You tiptoe across

-from one studio to the next.

-We do it from the same studio, though,

-which is good.

-Clever.

-We just change the frequency.

LAUGHTER

Tell me about House Party. You only started recently, didn't you?

It's basically a continuation of the Funk And Soul Show.

I just play all my favourite records.

Funk and soul and northern soul is your thing, isn't it?

That kind of stuff.

And you can just make up your playlist as you...

Yeah, no-one tells me what to play, which is really good.

It's a great feeling cos it is just like being round at your house,

sticking your favourite records on and talking nonsense,

-and I thought, "Well, I'm your man."

-Fantastic.

OK, now, Craig, you really need a pointless answer at this point.

-I know.

-That's what we're... MICHAEL:

-No, he doesn't.

LAUGHTER

I think you... I bet you've got one.

Shall we stay with Kylie Minogue and go for Can't Get You Out Of My Head?

-Was that a number one?

-OK, Can't Get You Out Of My Head,

says Craig. It wants to be pointless,

which means there is going to be a red line there

but it won't be visible to you.

LAUGHTER

Can't Get You Out Of My Head - how many people said it?

Oh!

-Not bad. Sorry about that.

-18.

-Ah, well.

-Well, 118 is your total.

-There is a scenario in which you could still survive.

-Yeah.

-It's all in Mr Bruce's hands.

-Number one from 2001.

It was released in the same week as a Victoria Beckham single

and they had that sort of Blur v Oasis, who's going to be number one?

And it was Kylie and Victoria Beckham got to number six.

Oh, dear. There you are.

Ken, a very warm welcome. How long have you been at Radio 2?

Oh, only a month or two now.

I don't want to say it out loud in case they realise.

I've been doing a daily programme on Radio 2 for 31 years.

-Which is ridiculous!

-Goodness! APPLAUSE

Everyone's clapping you.

Well done, well done.

And how long have you been at your current slot, the 9.30 slot?

Well, I started that in 1986 and then the BBC moved me

to late night for a year and early morning for a year

and then they put me back there.

-Is there any other slot that you would consider? No!

-Well, no.

When I did late night,

I found I didn't quite get used to it cos I was always going to work.

-I hate that.

-You know that feeling.

And now, I'm finished work and I can go, "Ha-ha!"

And enjoy myself all day, sleeping.

Now, what we require from you, Ken, essentially,

is a correct answer.

-It's all we need is a correct answer.

-Well, yes.

I'm going to play it very safe and say Elton John and Kiki Dee,

-Don't Go Breaking My Heart.

-Don't Go Breaking My Heart.

Here is your red line, up there.

Let's see if it's right and how many of our 100 people got it.

-It's right.

-Well done.

It's going down further than I thought.

-11.

-What a surprise.

Taking your total up to 30. Nice round score there.

-APPLAUSE

-Very well played, Ken.

It was originally supposed to be a duet

between Elton and Dusty Springfield

but she was ill at the time of recording,

so Kiki Dee stepped in.

There's lots of pointless answers.

I'll take you through them via the different artists.

Two Rod Stewart number ones are pointless answers.

The First Cut Is The Deepest is a pointless answer

and Baby Jane a pointless answer as well.

Robbie Williams - two pointless answers.

The Road To Mandalay and It's Only Us.

Rihanna - What's My Name?, which she released with Drake,

was a pointless answer. Also Take A Bow and Run This Town.

Kylie - no pointless answers at all,

but 1 point for Hand On Your Heart and Tears On My Pillow.

That's two different songs.

Eminem - pointless answers for Just Lose It,

Smack That, that he did with Akon, and Like Toy Soldiers.

And pointless answers for Elton John -

Something About The Way You Look Tonight was a pointless answer

and Ghetto Gospel that he featured on

with Tupac was a pointless answer. Let's look at the top three scorers,

the ones most of our 100 people said.

Sailing, Rod Stewart - 35.

Umbrella, Rihanna - 37.

And Candle In The Wind 1997 - 56 - for Elton John.

Thank you very much, Richard. So, at the end of our first round,

the pair we have to say goodbye to,

with their high score of 118, I can't bear it, Craig and Vanessa.

Far too soon to be sending you home, but please come and play again.

-It's been lovely having you here.

-Thank you.

-Craig and Vanessa.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining three pairs, it's time for Round Two.

APPLAUSE

And look at that! Suddenly, we're down to three pairs.

That's just how it works but it's cruel, Pointless.

At the end of this round, we'll have to say goodbye to another pair.

Well done, all of you. You've seen off our multi-multi-trophy winners.

-Yes!

-So, very well done. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this evening is...

Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going first, who's going second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

-Richard.

-On each board, we're going to give you six clues,

the answers to which are fictional professors.

You need to give us the most obscure answer you can, please.

Six on the first board, six on the second,

-12 in all to have go at home. Best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

Let's reveal our first board of clues to our fictional professors

and here they come. We've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

-Ken Bruce.

-Right, I was worried when I saw these,

but I will go for the rocket scientist created by Nigel Kneale.

-Professor Quatermass.

-Professor Quatermass, says Ken.

Let's see if that's right

and how many of our 100 people said Professor Quatermass.

It's right.

It's right and it's a good answer. Look at that.

Down it goes to 8. Very well done indeed, Ken.

Lovely low score there.

-APPLAUSE

-Very well played, Ken.

From the Quatermass Xperiment about a manned flight into space.

It was broadcast live

-on Saturday evenings.

-There we are. Thank you, Richard.

Jeremy.

Um, I'm going to go for the absent-minded genius

with hearing difficulties created by Herge.

-I think that's Professor Calculus.

-Professor Calculus, says Jeremy.

Let's see if that's right

and how many of our 100 people went for Professor Calculus.

It's good. 8 is our only score so far.

Oh, and you score 1!

-APPLAUSE Look at that!

-Always the one.

-Professor Calculus scoring 1 point.

-Always the one.

Very good stuff so far. Well played, everybody.

-Yeah, Cuthbert Calculus.

-There we are. Thank you very much, Richard.

-Now, Zoe, look at this.

-I know.

-The bar has been set incredibly low.

Do you feel like talking us through this board?

Well, I know the first one is Ross Geller.

X-Men, I think Professor Xavier.

Um, Moriarty, the nemesis of Sherlock Holmes.

And the answer I'm going to give as my choice

is River Song.

Curse you, Zoe Ball, curse you. Dr Who is the only thing I know.

River Song, says Zoe. The daughter of Amy Pond and Rory Williams.

Let's see if River Song is right and how many of our 100 people got it.

It's right. 8 is our high score, 1 is our low.

It's going to be higher.

-17 for River Song.

-Well done.

-APPLAUSE

Not bad at all.

Not bad at all.

I have to say, this happens very rarely on regular Pointless.

I don't think it's ever happened on Pointless Celebrities.

It's the best three answers on the board from our three pairs,

-so terrific stuff.

-Wow.

-Wow.

APPLAUSE

Let's fill in the rest of these.

In fact, Zoe's just done it for us expertly.

Ross Geller at the top, the palaeontologist.

That would have scored you 45.

Charles Xavier is the next one,

would have score you 31.

And, of course, Professor Moriarty, James Moriarty,

would have scored you 49.

Thank you very much. We're halfway through the round.

Let's look at the scores. 1, Jeremy and Jo. Very well done.

That's the best score of that pass. Then up to 8, Ken and Anneka.

And then up to 17 -

they're nice low scores, all of these - Zoe and Michael.

-Michael...

-Yeah.

-You just happen to be out in front there,

so we need a low score from you to make sure you remain with us.

-I'll do my best.

-You'll have a lovely new board,

but make sure you find

a testing answer there.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

We're going to put six more clues to fictional professors

up on the board and here they come.

I shall read those one last time.

-Michael.

-Yes.

-Michael.

-I really wish I'd had the other board.

So, I'm going to be really obvious, which is a terrible thing,

and go for the professor of phonetics,

-which is Professor Henry Higgins.

-Henry Higgins, says Michael,

for My Fair Lady. Let's see if that's right.

No red line for you, cos you're the high-scorers,

but let's see how many of our 100 people got Henry Higgins.

It's right.

That's not a bad score. Down it goes.

17.

Exactly the same as you got on the first pass, taking your total to 34.

-Not bad.

-It's not a bad score at all. It's one of those things.

Because you're in musical theatre,

you assume everyone knows that but, actually,

-17 is a pretty low score.

-Great.

-Not bad at all.

-Jo, ideally you'd score 32 or less.

-OK.

I was, obviously, going to say Henry Higgins. Thank you, Michael Ball!

Pretty much the only other one I know is Dumbledore

and that's going to have a massive score.

You're going to say...

Oh, and then I've said it and, therefore, you have to take it.

-I do.

-So, I've stitched myself up.

-Oh, Jo, I'm sorry.

-It's got to be.

-Dumbledore.

-Now, here is your red line.

-I'm sorry, Jeremy.

Get below that with Dumbledore, you're through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Professor Dumbledore.

It's right.

Ooh, look at that!

Oh, 35!

APPLAUSE 35. Takes your total up to 36.

-Oh.

-Yes, a tougher board, this one, I have to say,

-so all still to play for, I suspect, in this round.

-Absolutely.

-Thank you very much indeed. Now, Anneka.

-Oh!

This board is all yours,

-if you fancy talking us through it.

-I can't!

I literally can't.

Thank goodness I've got one left,

but I'm going to go for the archaeologist and adventurer

-as Indiana Jones.

-Indiana Jones,

says Anneka. Here is your red line.

If you can get below that with Indiana Jones,

you're through to the next round.

How many people said Indiana Jones though?

It's right.

Oh, 62, I'm afraid,

for Indiana Jones, which takes your total up to 70.

APPLAUSE

Now, on this pass, we've had the three biggest answers

on the board, so it just goes to show.

There's three tough answers still up there.

The expert in religious iconology - Robert Langdon.

12 points if you said that.

The architect played by Josh Radnor. This is a brilliant comedy.

He's called Ted Mosby and would have scored you 9 points.

And the Planet Express owner is Professor Hubert Farnsworth

and he would have scored you 8 points

-and he's the best answer on the board.

-Thank you very much indeed.

We are at the end of our second round

and I'm sorry to say the pair we have to send home,

with their high score of 70, Anneka and Ken.

It's been lovely having you.

Sorry to say goodbye so soon. Come back and play again soon.

-Thank you.

-We will, thank you.

-Anneka and Ken. Wonderful.

APPLAUSE

But for Zoe and Michael, Jo and Jeremy,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Jo and Jeremy, Zoe and Michael.

You're now one step closer to the final and the chance to play

for our jackpot, which currently stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

This is the point where we decide who goes through to the final

to play for that jackpot and we do it by making you go head-to-head.

The difference is you can now start playing as a team.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question and it concerns...

-Brilliant! Yes!

-LAUGHTER

-Richard.

-We're going to show you five pictures

of famous statues and sculptures from around the world.

Can you tell us the country in which you would find these, please?

Thank you very much.

Let's reveal our five famous statues and sculptures and here they come.

There we are. Five famous statues or sculptures.

We just need the countries in which you would find them.

Jo and Jeremy, you're our low-scorers, so you'll go first.

-Jo, you say this cos...

-We're going to go for D, Denmark, because...

-Denmark?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-D. D, Denmark.

Now, Zoe and Michael, do you want to talk us through that board?

Well, we think the Sphinx might be in Egypt.

-That's where we run into a little bit of trouble.

-Mm-hmm.

E's got to be China. Shall we take a guess and go C is France?

-ZOE GASPS

-Or B is France.

-You choose.

-Oh, don't make me choose.

All right, let's not look foolish on television.

-We'd like to go for E and China, please.

-OK, E, China.

So, Jo and Jeremy are saying D, Denmark.

Let's see if that's right and how many of people said Denmark for D.

-Well done, Jo. Brilliant.

-APPLAUSE

-There we are. It's right and it scores you 40.

-Superb.

Zoe and Michael are saying China for E.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

-It would be funny if it was wrong.

-It's right.

And it scores 63. APPLAUSE

Which means, Jo and Jeremy, very well done.

After one question, you're up 1-0.

Well played. Your instincts were right.

The two that you knew were going to be high-scorers,

cos A is Egypt and that's a very big scorer as well.

Would have scored you 80.

B and C are the answers that would have won you the point

and you were tempted to go for France for one or other of them.

-Yeah.

-Which do you think is France?

-I think I probably would have gone,

actually been perverse, and done France was B.

-Well, I can tell you B is Slovakia.

-Oh.

-Oh, thank goodness.

-And it was a pointless answer.

-Right, wow.

It's a statue of a sewer worker. But C...

-Is France.

-Is Russia.

-Oh!

LAUGHTER

-It's The Motherland Calls.

-Oh, thank goodness.

-1 point for that.

-Who is it?

-It's nearly 300 feet high, that is.

-That's Mother Russia, essentially.

-Oh.

-Oh.

-It's to commemorate the Battle of Stalingrad.

-There we are.

Thank you, Richard. Here comes your second question.

Zoe and Michael, you get to answer it first,

-but you have to win this one to stay in the game.

-Course we do.

Our second question this evening is all about...

Five clues now to facts about Roger Federer.

-Can you give us the most obscure answer?

-Oh, my goodness.

Here come our five clues, and we've got...

Here they come again.

Zoe and Michael will go first.

OK, let's go for the US player.

-I think they'll know that less than his nationality.

-Well, let's see.

-Pete Sampras.

-Pete Sampras, say Zoe and Michael. Pete Sampras.

Now then, Jo and Jeremy, that board's all yours.

-Talk us through it.

-Oh, dear! Well, we thought about his nationality.

We veered between Swedish and Swiss and we went Swiss,

so I think we've got to go number one or number two.

I would say... What would you say for...?

You said Nadal. Or Djokovic.

-So, let's say Nadal.

-OK, the player who defeated him we think was...

-TOGETHER:

-Nadal.

OK, so, we have Pete Sampras and we have Rafa Nadal.

Zoe and Michael have gone for Pete Sampras.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said it.

-It's right. It is Pete Sampras.

-Thank goodness.

-Oh, thank goodness.

-That's a good answer.

-Down it goes to 24.

-Oh, no!

APPLAUSE

-We suddenly...

-Hang on, what's happened?

-We've suddenly realised.

We've suddenly realised the answer we should have given.

-Moment of terrible clarity here.

-No, go on, give us the answer.

-Have you just had a moment?

-We've suddenly realised!

-Have you remembered who won gold at 2012?

-Yeah.

-But memorably.

-Oh, my goodness!

-Let's just find out what happens

if we say Rafa Nadal to our column. LAUGHTER

-What a shame.

-Oh, mm.

Oh, it's not Rafa Nadal.

Which means well done, Zoe and Michael.

That's exactly what we needed to happen. You're back in the game.

-After two questions, it's 1-1.

-I would like to be a fly on the wall

when the Eggheads get their hands on YOU, Jeremy.

LAUGHTER

I feel so bad and, Andy Murray, I'm a big fan. How did that happen?

Cos I remember there was a moment of him saying, "This is a great moment.

"I'm connecting with the British people," and all that.

Of course it was Andy Murray, of course it was!

It was Andy Murray. Actually only scored 29 points.

His nationality is Swiss. Big scorer, though.

Would have scored you 50.

Good work from our 100 on the name of the woman he married.

It's Mirka and would have scored 7 points.

And the best answer is the year he won his sole French Open title.

It took him much longer to win the French than any other grand slam.

2009 was the answer there. Would have scored 2 points.

Very well done if you said that at home.

Thank you very much indeed. Now we have a competition on our hands.

Very, very best of luck to both pairs.

Whoever wins this question goes through to the final

-and plays for that jackpot for their charities.

-I want the trophy.

Here it comes. It's all about...

-Richard.

-We're going to show you the names of five composers of musicals

but we're going to show the first and last letters of their names

and something that they've composed.

Can you tell us the most obscure of these five, please?

Whoever does that is going through to play for our jackpot.

OK, best of luck to both pairs.

Let's reveal our five musical composers and here they come.

I'm going to read all those again.

Jo and Jeremy, you go first.

We think the newest one is the most obscure,

-so we are thinking Tim Minchin.

-OK, Tim Minchin, say Jo and Jeremy.

Now, Zoe and Michael, do you feel like talking us through this board?

OK, we've got Irving Berlin, Cole Porter...

-Your mate.

-Andrew Lloyd Webber

and Lionel Bart.

-Shall we go Lionel Bart?

-Lionel Bart.

-I'd say Lionel Bart.

Zoe and Michael are going to go for Lionel Bart.

We have Tim Minchin, we have Lionel Bart.

Jo and Jeremy said Tim Minchin for Matilda The Musical.

Let's see how many of our 100 people got that.

It's right.

-22.

-Is that us?

-APPLAUSE

22 for Tim Minchin.

Zoe and Michael have said Lionel Bart for Oliver!

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

-Ooh, 50, Lionel Bart.

-Oh, I'm so sorry.

-I'm sorry.

-APPLAUSE

-Which means very well done, Jo and Jeremy.

-Well done.

After three questions, you are through to the final, 2-1.

I think you spiked each other's guns on every single question there.

Tim Minchin's the best answer on the board.

The only thing to clear up is the best answer you could have gone for.

Cole porter would have been a better answer.

Cole Porter would have scored you 40 points.

And Irving Berlin an even better answer.

Irving Berlin would have scored you 30 points.

Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Give him a ring now and tell him he scored 88 points.

-That was a good head-to-head, wasn't it?

-Good head-to-head, yeah.

Well, what about that?

I'm afraid, at the end of it, Zoe and Michael,

we have to say goodbye to you. You've done so well.

Come and play again.

It would be lovely to see you through to the final next time.

-Thank you very much indeed. Zoe and Michael.

-Thank you.

-Good luck.

-Well played.

-APPLAUSE

For Jo and Jeremy, it's now time for our Pointless final.

APPLAUSE

Well done, Jo and Jeremy. You've seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

for your charities, and at the end of today's show,

the jackpot is standing at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

Very, very well done.

All you have to do now is win this round and take that jackpot home

for your charities, which would just be the perfect close.

I'm sure you can do it.

As always, you get to choose your category in this last round.

Four things on the board. Let's see what today's selection looks like.

We have got...

-Romantic poetry?

-What would you do?

-I'd do whatever you want to do.

Shall we do romantic poetry cos I think we could find ourselves

-in good shape there, I think?

-All right.

-Romantic poetry it is.

Very best of luck.

We're looking for any of the following three things, please.

We're looking for any words of six or more letters

in Jerusalem by William Blake.

That's the version that starts "And did those feet..."

Any words of six letters or more in Ozymandias.

Or any words of six letters or more in Daffodils by Wordsworth.

They're all taken from The New Penguin Book of Romantic Poetry.

Obviously, we won't accept the words "Jerusalem",

"Ozymandias" or "Daffodils".

Oh, that is quite an important addition of information.

Thank you very much. As always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot for your charities

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Good.

Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. Your time starts now.

-OK, what are you thinking, just quickly?

-I'm thinking nothing.

-This is all on you.

-Let's just focus on Jerusalem.

"And did those feet in ancient times Walk upon England's mountains green

"And did the holy Lamb of God

"In England's pleasant pastures seen..."

-Er... So, we've got...

-"Pleasant".

-"Pleasant". "Mountains".

Just bear with. We're not there yet.

Daffodils is "I wandered lonely as a cloud".

-So, I think you could have "wandered" on that.

-OK.

-I think.

Um... And did... Let's just think about this.

Um, "Bring me my bow of burning gold Bring me my arrows of desire."

So, "arrows", definitely. "Bring me my spear of burnished..." Something.

I think "burnished" is in there.

So, I would say "arrows",

"burnished" and "wandered" at the moment.

-We've got 14 seconds left.

-OK.

-Anything else?

-No.

-Ten seconds left.

# Bring me my bow of burning gold

# Bring me my arrows of desire

# Bring me my... O clouds unfold... #

-Cos the poem became the hymn, so...

-There we are.

That is your minute up. Let's have your three words.

Are they all three going to be from Jerusalem?

No, I'm going to go for "wandered", which is from Wordsworth,

-"arrows" and "burnished".

-So, "wandered", "arrows", "burnished".

-Yes.

-There we are.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-"Burnished".

-"Burnished" goes last. Least likely to be pointless?

-"Wandered"?

-"Wandered".

-Yeah, for sure.

OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board in that order

and here they are. We've got...

Three answers. Let us hope one of those is pointless

and will win that jackpot for your charities.

Can I ask what your charities are? Jo, who are you playing for?

-Mine is Shooting Star Chase, which is a hospice.

-Excellent. Jeremy?

Motor Neurone Disease Association,

-helping people with that disease.

-Wonderful.

APPLAUSE

Two excellent charities there.

Let's hope one of these answers - at least one of these answers -

is pointless and you can take that jackpot home and split it

between those charities. Your first answer was "wandered".

In this case, we were looking for words of six letters or more

from Daffodils by Wordsworth.

It has to be right, obviously,

then it has to be pointless for you to win, so for £2,500,

let's see how many people said "wandered".

It's right.

All it has to be is pointless and you will win that jackpot.

Down it goes. "Wandered" takes us down through the 30s

to 34.

APPLAUSE

OK, so not a pointless answer at this stage.

We move on to your next answer, which is "arrows".

Now we've moved onto Jerusalem by Blake.

It has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot.

Let's find out, for £2,500, how many of our 100 people said "arrows".

It's right. "Wandered" took us all the way down to 34.

"Arrows" now takes us down through the 40s, passes 34.

Into the 20s, into the teens. Are we going to make single figures?

Yes, we are. Down it goes.

-Still going down to 3!

-Oh!

-APPLAUSE Wow!

-Oh, my God!

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

Well, we've hit a rich vein here. Very good indeed.

OK, your third and final answer is "burnished".

Again, we're looking for words of six letters or more

from Jerusalem by Blake. "Burnished" has to be correct,

then it has to be pointless for you to win so, for £2,500,

let's see how many of our 100 people said "burnished".

-Oh!

-AUDIENCE GROAN

-Not in there.

-I'm afraid it's not in there.

APPLAUSE I'm afraid it's not in there.

"Arrows" - lovely low score there,

but I'm afraid you just didn't find

that pointless answer that you needed,

so you didn't win today's jackpot of £2,500.

However, as today's show is a celebrity special

and each celebrity is playing for a charity,

we're going to donate £500 to each pair

-to split between their respective charities.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

It's been fabulous having you on. Very well done indeed.

Tremendous performance. Thank you so much.

And you get a Pointless trophy as well to take home.

Jo and Jeremy. Brilliant.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, not "burnished". "Burning" is in there.

"Burning would have scored you 3 points though.

But right at the end of our 60 seconds,

you said the line, "O clouds unfold".

"Clouds" and "unfold" both pointless answers.

You didn't even hear yourself say it, I don't think.

You stuck with the answers you came with.

Let's take a look at all the pointless answers.

We'll start with Jerusalem.

"Countenance divine". "Countenance" would have scored you 1 point.

And "clouded" also a pointless answer.

Well done if you said any of those. Ozymandias now by Percy Shelley.

Lots of pointless answers here.

Everything, apart from "despair", "traveller", "nothing",

"remains", "pedestal", "mighty" and "antique".

Everything else was a pointless answer.

Well done if you said anything else.

And words of six letters or more in Daffodils.

Everything in that, apart from "wandered", "lonely",

"golden", "floats". Everything else was a pointless answer in that.

Well done if you got any of those at home. It's been brilliant fun.

Thank you so much for entertaining us so mightily.

I'm sorry we couldn't send you away with the whole jackpot.

Thanks very much indeed. Thank you, Jo and Jeremy.

We've loved having you on and please come and play again.

In the meantime, thank you so much. Jo and Jeremy.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join us next time,

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. But, before we go,

we have a special performance by the host of The Art Of Song on Radio 2.

Here's Mika, singing Piano Man.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# It's nine o'clock on a Saturday

# The regular crowd shuffles in

# There's an old man sitting right next to me

# Making love to his tonic and gin

# He says, "Son, will you play me a memory

# "I'm not really sure how it goes

# "But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete

# "When I wore a younger man's clothes"

# Da-da-da-di-di-doh

# Da-da-da-di-di-do-o-oh

# Oh, sing us a song You're the piano man

# Sing us a song tonight

# Cos we're all in the mood for a melody

# And you've got us feeling all right

# Now John at the bar is a friend of mine

# He gives me my drinks for free

# And he's quick with a joke and to light up your smoke

# But there's someplace that he'd rather be

# He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me"

# As the smile runs away from his face

# "And I know that I could be a movie star

# "If I could get out of this place"

# La-da-da-di-di-do-doh

# # La-da-da-di-di-do-o-o-oh

# Sing us a song You're the piano man

# Sing us a song tonight

# Cos we're all in the mood for a melody

# And you've got us feeling all right. #

APPLAUSE