Up There

This film contains strong language

A few years ago, on a busy street in the city centre,

I got hit by a car...

..and died of my injuries.

As you're looking at me now,

you're looking at a dead man.

Well, the first few days are tough.

I just wanted to get home...

..be with Jacqui,

my wife...

..but I couldn't.

There's lots of myths about being dead.

You know, you can't walk through walls.

You can't even open doors.

Jacqui!

You're powerless.

There were a couple of carers...

Hey, listen.

I've got a bit of bad news for you.

..who came and told me that I should

let her go.

Well, when I died, I got taken to a place called the Restart Centre.

They're on the edge of town.

You don't see them, but we do.

-'Happiness...'

-Another one for you.

Just fill in the questionnaire.

They're designed to help you get a sense of what you're dealing with

when you're dead.

Rate service provided.

Just put ten for that.

That's it.

-Come on.

-And, once you're there, you have to sign on every week.

..jumped in the river! I was trying to swim!

I've got a lot of important things in my life that I need to maintain!

I've got library books that need taking back!

It's a lot to get your head around.

Some people can't cope.

You need to avoid the starers.

They'll just bring you down.

Well, it can happen to anyone...

..at any time.

OK.

We're talking about positive thoughts again today.

Does anyone have any positive thoughts for us?

You've got to be careful with how you deal with the counsellors.

Margaret, how about you?

They say they're there to help you move on.

No.

No.

OK.

But they're just trying to weed people out.

They're trying to weed people out from going up there.

Up there?

Well, it's the... It's the dream, isn't it?

How do you get up there?

Well, it's down to whether they think you're an asset or not,

I suppose.

My wife struggled to move on.

Obviously.

Yeah, I'd go back every so often.

Just to check up on things, you know?

Make sure she's all right.

Luckily, Keith was on hand to comfort her.

Keith was my mate.

Was my mate.

They were just comforting each other.

They weren't suited.

Obviously.

Even though it's difficult to see beyond the sorrow,

looking forward will help us into tomorrow.

Mm. Yeah.

Thank you, Miguel.

Very uplifting.

Any inspirational thoughts, Martin?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I've got lots, thanks.

Do you want to tell us them?

Martin?

Erm...

I think...

Luckily, I got to know Ali.

He's a good laugh.

He was a workaholic

and he said this is the first holiday he's had in years, you know?

We go and look at things we might have bought ourselves.

He's always on the lookout for a bit of culture, as well, you know?

Museums.

Art galleries, you know?

The good thing about Ali is he doesn't impose upon you.

You know, if you don't want to talk, then you won't talk.

You can keep yourself to yourself, but still be with someone.

Well, thankfully, we got a job at the local A&E.

We became carers.

Um...

-I've got a bit of bad news for you, mate.

-Um...

It's good to have a job.

Can help you get up there.

I... I...

There's a lot of sad stories, but what can you do?

It's like Ali says -

DIY -

Don't Involve Yourself.

OK, mate.

'Spread the positivity.'

This way. This way. This way.

Just here.

Got another one for you.

If you could just fill in the questionnaire.

Just tick Very Good for that.

Put a ten for that.

So, what are you doing for it?

Doing for what?

Your anniversary.

Thought I might go and see Jacqui.

-See what she's doing for it.

-Eh.

I forgot to mention.

-I had a brand-new tip off Roddy.

-Mm.

-He's found us another penthouse with a skylight.

-Mm.

-Proper Scandinavian job, you know, and you look straight down...

-Yeah.

The new supervisor wants you in for an assessment.

-My assessment?

-What new supervisor?

I'd get a move on. He doesn't piss about.

And I'm like, "Yeah? You want some, do you?"

Right? They're backing off me now.

All I know is these little no names want to come down my manor

telling me and my brother what to do. Touching my lot.

So I'm all tooled up and I steam down there full throttle

expecting anything. So he's put his foot down and then he's accelerated.

What's going on, Margaret?

A nightmare, that's what's going on.

New supervisor's come in to streamline everyone.

Merging us with the East Side.

You know when you're dying, right,

and they say you see your whole life flashing in front of you?

They're getting everyone in to do an assessment.

If you're one of the lucky ones, then you get to move up.

-What about the not-so-lucky ones?

-Well, that's me.

I wasn't always unlucky.

What are they going to do with you?

You've marked me down.

Count yourself as a No Hoper.

Bollocks.

What was that?

What was what?

Did you just fucking say something?

No.

Rash, if you could continue telling us how you passed.

How I passed what, mate?

How you passed on.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

So, anyway, right, he's put his foot down

and I'm like, "Come on then! You want some, do you?"

MUFFLED TALKING ON TV

Have you seen Ali anywhere?

No?

You haven't seen Ali, have you?

Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you.

I was getting worried. How was the assessment?

You're kidding!

Oh, that is...

I don't know what to say. Congratulations. That is great.

That's...

Did they, like, ask you

if you wanted to recommend anyone else?

Yeah, they did.

Oh, thank fuck for that!

Oh, thank fuck.

I don't know how much longer I could have stuck around in this shit...

hole. You didn't ask them, did you?

-I didn't think you were ready.

-What d'you mean?

I'm ready.

You weren't even going to say goodbye, were you?

Good luck, Mart.

Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about me.

I expect you're feeling upset about Ali.

Is that why you wanted to see me?

No, I came by because I just wanted to say that I'm really keen

to get up there now.

I'm really ready to go.

There's nothing left for me here.

Right.

But I mean that in a really positive way, obviously.

You don't feel depressed? Upset?

It's great...for him.

So you're feeling positive?

Mm.

Positive is good,

because you can tell when people aren't feeling positive.

Things tend to slip.

Their feedback drops. They lose their focus, don't they?

I'm still focused. Still pin sharp.

Even after all these years.

Yes.

You have been with us quite a while, haven't you, Martin?

How many years has it been now?

Er...

Think...

Um...

OK. Well, I'm sure there's not too much to worry about.

Let's find you a new partner

and let's book you in for a proper assessment with the new supervisor.

So, shall we say Friday, 5pm?

Yeah, great.

You can keep your focus till then?

Because we really need you to show us that you want this, Martin.

Yeah. I do.

And don't be late, will you?

No, really, don't be late.

MAN RAPS

So what's the deal round here, then, eh?

You're from the counselling, ain't it?

Rash.

Martin.

So do you get any stabbings? What kind of meat do you get round here?

We get loads of stabbings on the East Side.

Do you get any of them?

No.

That's a shame.

So what's there to do round here? Anything to look at?

-There's a telly in the waiting room.

-No, I mean, any action, you know?

Any nurses? Any fit nurses?

-No.

-So how'd you end up in here, then?

-Let me guess, I bet you...

-One of us should go in there and look around.

I'll go and have a look around.

-All right, cool. I'll come with you.

-One of us should stay here.

Cool. Course, yeah.

We can catch up when you get back, can't we? Yeah.

Will you be all right on your own?

Will I be all right on my... Course I'll be all right on my own!

Do you think I can't handle some fresh meat?

-Where are you heading?

-Me?

-I just thought I'd go for a perimeter check.

-Oi!

Oi, mate!

Mate!

It's all right, mate! Calm down!

It's OK. He's under control.

Mate, you're dead! You're dead, mate!

-What are you doing?

-No!

Where are you going?

-Oi, come back! You're dead!

-Help!

Oi, come back! Where you going?

Oi, you're fucking dead!

How was I to know he'd never properly worked A&E before?

You didn't think to ask him?

I did.

So you did ask him?

Yes. Well, no. It was hazy.

Hazy? As in lacking focus?

Shame.

And I heard you were in with a shout.

Is there any chance

you could let this one go this time?

Eh?

..very big changes here and I think we need to start

by tidying up the bits of paper...

What if I had a really good tip-off?

Very discreet.

..these bits of paper, Murray, and...

You're trying to bribe a registrar?

How discreet?

Very discreet.

Clandestine love tryst.

Every weekday lunchtime.

They love it with the curtains open.

Get him back no later than Friday, 5pm.

-5pm Friday?

-Mm.

I've got my assessment on that day.

-That's why you need to get him back by then.

-..sort them out.

Friday, 5pm?

Any later and it goes in.

OK.

I can try following the body, I suppose.

Is Deek still down the mortuary?

No, he got marked down.

He's just slab boy now.

-Is he still there?

-Yeah,

and he's trickier than ever.

Fucking hell.

Oi, what about my tip-off?

Oi, wait up!

I've been looking everywhere.

What the fuck was up with him?

Something not right about his face.

I wouldn't know. I've not lost a runner before.

Yeah, well, I had to give him a little jolt,

do you know what I mean? You've got to with fresh meat, don't you?

Show him who's boss, eh, Mart?

Anyway, where you heading?

To the mortuary to find out where his body's heading.

-Why?

-Because, if I can find out where his body's heading,

I can find out where he's heading home to.

-Cool, I'll come with.

-No. No.

The person I need to speak to...

He's... Er... He's sensitive.

How?

He got murdered

and he's still down there waiting for them to wheel him in, so...

Waiting for them to wheel him in?

Look, why don't you just go and have a look around?

-Check out the gynaecology department or something.

-Where?

Joey?

Joey?

Sorry to bother you.

Not tonight. Fuck off.

Joey, please, I've got a runner

and I really need to follow the body and I haven't got much time.

It came through last night.

We had a few bodies come in last night.

It was the back of 12.

Back of 12. There was someone, yeah.

I still don't fucking get it, Mart.

Who's that?

-It's all right. Listen, did you manage to get a name?

-Yeah.

Beryl.

Beryl. No, I'm thinking of someone younger. A lad.

A young lad? Yes, a young lad.

They took him.

-Took him where?

-Back to his hometown.

-Back to Newport!

-To Newport?

On the coast, past Pitsend.

Out in the sticks.

-Stepdad used to take me there.

-Joey.

-Used to build sand castles.

-I do really need to get his name.

Joey fucking loves sand castles. Hated that bastard! Hated him!

OK! I've...

He's in there because he's waiting for himself to be wheeled in.

-What was that?

-It's nothing.

-So what?

-He's not had his send-off or anything?

-Oh, is that funny, is it?

-You think that's funny?

-It's fucked up, that's all!

-Just give us his name.

-Fuck you! Fuck your boyfriend! Fuck off!

Please, Joey! Joey, I just... Just his name, mate!

Wojciech Pstrangowski.

Woj...

Woyc... Patra...

No, no, no! Pstrangowski! Pstrangowski!

Wojciech Pstrangowski! It's easy!

Cheers, Joey.

Fuck off!

-Wojciech Pstrangowski.

-Well, that was a waste of fucking time,

weren't it, Mart?

He's a fucking nutter, man.

I mean, going out all the way to the fucking middle of the sticks!

-I've got people to see, things to do, man.

-Pstrangowski.

Here's my suggestion, right.

We take a look around town, we put a couple moves together,

-get the word out on the street...

-That is a great suggestion.

Really?

-Oh, wicked, because I was thinking the same...

-Good luck with it.

-You going?

-Pstrangowski.

WEEPING

You all right, mate?

What you doing?

Mate, you busy?

You going somewhere, are you?

Where you going? What bus are you getting?

What? You're getting that one?

It's out of service. You can't get that one, mate.

Mate!

All right, mate! See you later!

HE WEEPS

I suppose I could get on.

I mean, I just let him off the leash for two seconds,

and then he just dived straight into a river.

So I dived into the water after him, right,

and there was a giant rock underneath.

Knocked me clean out and then I drowned.

My wife, she's more than happy with the dog.

She always preferred him over me anyway.

All right, mate. I'll see you later, eh?

Liz!

Liz!

Liz!

Excuse me, mate. You haven't seen a new lad

hanging around here, have you?

Liz!

Liz!

Liz!

Over there, now.

You all right, lads.

You haven't seen a new lad wandering around, have you?

Right.

Cock face.

LAUGHTER

All right, mate. You haven't seen a new lad wandering around

or maybe know where I can find the local obituaries?

Pstrangowski. Wojciech Pstrangowski.

Wojciech Pstrangowski.

SOMEONE MUTTERS

Me?

No, I wasn't...

I am actually looking for someone.

Maybe you've heard of him.

He's Polish, I think.

Woi... War... Warzcek?

Warzcek? No, I haven't.

Right.

Do you live round here?

Used to.

-Live further up the coast now.

-Oh, right.

It must be nice living by the coast and that. The sea breeze and all...

I'm just reading the book.

Well, I'd better get off, I suppose.

Liz! Liz! Liz!

Hey, you!

Aye, you!

Looking for a new lad?

Er, yeah.

Well, you'd better hurry. They're taking him.

Get a move on. Hurry up. Come on. Come on.

Where did you find him? What was he doing?

We don't like that around here.

-Pervert, you.

-Pervert?

I'm with him. Fucking trying to put me on the book

because I was having a look around, Mart.

In the girls' changing rooms? Got a good look, did you?

What? At those skanks?

Those are his daughters!

-Mate, nothing to worry about.

-Sorry. Can we just get...

-Are you another pervert?

-No. No.

We are looking for someone. We were told that he was in Newport.

Which Newport? I can think of three.

-Four.

-Four.

I can think of four.

Newport, past Pitsend?

Who are you looking for?

Who?

Who?

-Come on!

-Woy...

Who?

Come on!

Wojciech Pstrangowski.

Never heard of him.

So, if it's all right with you, we'll just have a look around.

Not tonight you won't.

-Says who?

-Says me, the local registrar.

Curfew. Both of them.

Fuck, I don't like being all cooped up in one place for hours and hours.

Do you think they're hiding something?

I thought you were looking round the city, putting some moves together?

Yeah, well, I thought you might need some fucking help.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks for coming out all this way to help out, Rash."

"No, no problem, Mart. Don't worry about it."

Yeah, thanks.

Though there's not much to do now till the morning, eh?

And I'm supposed to be at Suzy Q's tonight. Heard of that? Lap dancing?

You into that kind of stuff, Mart?

You've got to be, eh?

Fuckers wouldn't let me in before. They barred me.

They thought the girls would give me one for free.

Course, every night now, I just slip in.

Get it, Mart? Slip in.

And the girls there, you need to see them, Mart.

I'm going to take my brother Chunky as soon as he gets through.

I'm telling you. Did I tell you about my brother Chunky?

He's in hospital now.

Head knacked. Coma. On the machine and that.

They'd switch the machine off tomorrow, you know,

but, you know, my mum's all religious and that.

You know how it goes, Mart.

What about you? How did you pass, Mart?

Let me guess. I bet you I can guess how you d... I'm a good guesser.

Did you die by heart attack?

I was hit by a car.

A car? Me, too!

But when I say hit, I mean attacked.

There's a difference, ain't it, you know?

I mean, it was huge. It was humongous. It was a tank.

I mean, it was a fucking beast.

What did you get hit by, Mart?

Mart?

Mart?

-Are you shutting the door?

-Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just having a look around.

Mart, you turned the light off.

Yeah.

Well, so, what do you want to talk about then?

Must be weird living out in the sticks.

What's there to do?

I mean, there's the sea to look at, which is cool for a bit.

Then what? What do you do with yourself all day, Mart?

I don't know. I suppose you get used to it,

just like everything else.

-How long have you been around for, Mart?

-Long enough.

Oh, you must be keen to get up there, then.

Yeah, I'm as keen as anyone else. Yeah.

Heard they're coming down on long stays big time.

I'm sure you've got a good shout, though.

Yeah, I've got a good shout, if I can get this runner back in time.

That's why I thought I'd come down here. Give you a bit of company,

help you find this kid, get him back.

Not that I never had nothing to do myself, you know what I mean, Mart?

Obviously.

Where are we going?

To find a newspaper.

What the fuck do we need to find a newspaper for, Mart?

Listen, if you are going to stay and help,

-we need to think about what we're going to do.

-What d'you mean?

Well, I mean in terms of a plan so we can get him back in time.

A plan? The plan is that we find him and get him back on the bus.

What if he's got friends and family around? What about them?

-What about them?

-What?

You think they'll be happy with us whisking him away?

We just have to be careful, that's all I'm saying.

Oh, don't worry about me, Mart. I'm on it.

I'm here and I'm focused. I've got beams coming out my eyes.

That's how focused I... Fuck me!

Mart!

-Look at this!

-What?

-Look! Mart!

-What? What?

-Look!

I'm on TV!

That's me on TV! Look!

The guy's gone in to get some fags from the shop, right,

I've only gone and trawled his car.

I've went down the motorway and then I see the Old Bill behind me.

I didn't even know I was on Camera, Action

or whatever you call this silly show. What is it? Look at that,

they're proper chasing me! Look at it!

Bringing out the choppers for me! I love it!

This is w...

You all right?

Wojciech Pstrangowski. Pstrangowski. Wojciech Pstrangowski.

WOMAN SIGHS

Been down there all night?

Yeah, pretty much.

Dickhead put the chairs in too tight.

Dickhead.

Cheers for covering for me yesterday.

That's all right.

Liz.

Martin.

And sorry if I was a bit abrupt. It's just...

It's just a really good book, so...

That's all right.

So what do you do round here?

Oh, I'm just back for my sister Clare's big wedding tomorrow.

Everyone's going so I thought I'd check it out.

Make sure she does us proud. Well, does my mum proud, you know?

Yeah, it's good. It's good for her.

Oh, I didn't see that guy around, if you were worrying about...

Who said I was worried?

-Oh, no, no. I didn't.

-Oh, no. Oh, it's fine.

It's just Raymond, some guy that I knew... That I know,

or, should I say, some guy that I knew, but...

He'll have gone back for his sign on.

-Never miss it.

-OK.

He's harmless, really. Just doesn't know how to take a hint, that's all.

Mm.

Oh, don't worry. I know how to take a hint.

Yeah, yeah. Bye, babycakes.

You're so cute.

Don't you work too hard, OK?

Bye! Bye!

CAR REVS

-So did you find that fella you were looking for?

-No. No, I didn't.

What do you want with him?

I just need to make sure he's OK, you know?

I need to get him back to the city. Get him registered.

I'm a carer.

-Oh, you're from the big city!

-Mm-hmm.

Oh, that must be cool.

Must be loads of big libraries around there.

I bet you can read pretty much whatever you want.

-You like reading?

-Yeah, course.

-Yeah? What you into?

-Oh, classics mainly.

Dickens, Shakespeare,

McNab.

Hey, Mart! I just seen the best piece of fan...ny.

This is Rash.

He is also a carer.

-Well, I'd better go and find out what's happening.

-Yeah, all right.

Oh, I was wondering, you should talk to Jerzy.

He's foreign. He might know this Warzcek guy.

-Jerzy?

-Mm-hmm. Yeah, Jerzy.

You should speak to some of the old folk. They're on the sea front.

Oh, right.

Thank you.

Suicide written all over that, Mart.

You asked her?

What?

Do you want me to ask her?

What makes you think she's a suicide?

Well, it's obvious, ain't it?

It's always the pretty ones with all their issues and all that.

You hang around with a lot of girls, do you?

Girls? Here? You're having a laugh, ain't you, Mart?

Oh, sorry.

-You're not interested in girls.

-What? I never fucking said that!

It's just they tend to need a lot of attention up here.

I mean, I don't mind seeing girls crying.

I see enough of that at my own send-off.

What? I did!

That's why I can't wait till my brother Chunky's send-off, man.

Just so I can say, "Ha, dickhead. Not as good as mine."

No way could he top mine.

Not that he was at mine, because of the whole coma and that.

So are you going to make a move on suicide girl then, Mart, eh?

-Could we just focus on this?

-Are things holding you back?

Lots of demons, eh, Mart?

You married?

I was married, yeah.

Oh, so she's with someone else now?

-Sorry, mate. You want to talk about something else?

-Could we?

Cool, yeah, understand, man. Let's talk about something else.

So what did you get hit by, then, Mart? What kind of car was it?

Is it important?

No. So what happened? What? You just stepped out?

Wasn't watching where you was going?

-I fucking was.

-Eh?

I was watching where I was going.

Fuck.

So you mean some fucker, just driving without a care in the world,

and then boom! That's you. Gone. Over.

What an inconsiderate twat.

You must be raging.

Like I said...

Can't blame you for being bitter, mate.

I'm not bitter.

No, course not. No, but I'm saying, I couldn't...

-I wouldn't blame you if you was.

-I'm not bitter.

It's a book.

And a film.

Five words.

-Pistol?

-Shoot?

-Gun?

-Murder?

-What are they doing?

-Charades.

On...

What's charades?

Excuse me.

Excuse me!

Er, we're looking for Jerzy?

Have you seen him?

What do you want with Jerzy?

We were told he might know where someone is.

A kid called Wojciech.

Wojciech?

Never heard of him.

We were told that he was here.

In Newport.

Newport?

Which Newport?

-I can think of three.

-Four.

I can think of four.

Right, OK. We do really need to see this Jerzy.

Rita.

She'll take you to him.

Do you reckon they're hiding something?

You hiding something? What's this charades business?

No, it's OK. It's OK.

I reckon this guy's going to be our breakthrough, Mart, eh?

Maybe I should just start asking the questions, get a couple...

No, no, I've got this one.

We need to be delicate

and, if he knows this kid, then, you know, he might be upset

about what we're trying to do.

And what will we want him to do?

Well, we just need to get him back straight away.

Yeah, because I was thinking, what about his send-off?

His funeral and all that, Mart, you know what I mean?

We haven't got time to get involved in all that. We just need to,

you know, get him out cleanly without any more hassle, OK?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

You reckon I should ask him some questions? Go in there...

Rash, just let me talk to him, because, then, at least I know...

Why have we stopped?

What? That's Jerzy?

Oh, for fuck's sake!

A fucking starer, man! They freak me out!

You saw his face.

You drop off and no-one gives a fuck!

I bet you that's what happened to him.

I bet that's why the old folk didn't want us talking to him, Mart.

They must have just left him to it.

Look at this place! We're not even in the right Newport, are we?

You heard what they said. There's at least three of them!

-Four.

-Four! Exactly!

So what do we do now?

Go all the way back, find out which is the right Newport,

go all the way, and what if he's not there?

Then what, Mart? You saw the little fucker's face.

There was something not normal about it.

It's like he was on the run.

What if he's on the run, still in his head and that, eh?

Then what, Mart? Do you think he might be a criminal on the run

from the Mafia or something? The Russian Mafia?

No, the Polish Mafia?

What if he's on the run from the Polish Mafia? Skipped the country?

What if he's jumped the plane? Then what, Mart? Mart?

You're not talking enough. It's not right.

I've seen it happen before. You're there chatting to some bloke,

talking about this, that and the other, you turn around,

and guess what? He's fucking gone.

What's up? You thinking about your wife again, Mart?

What? I'm just saying!

I mean, I'm trying to keep the energy going.

Trying to keep it going for when I get up there.

Oh, yeah. So why aren't you up there already?

-I'd fucking be up there like that!

-Yeah, why aren't you?

I told you, my brother Chunky, but when he...

-Well, lucky fucking Chunky.

-What was that?

-Did you say something about my brother?

-Can you just shut up, eh?

-Shut up?

-Can you just shut up!

Look, you know, I've seen all sorts, OK?

I've been knocking around for a while. Jerzy?

Know what happened to him? He was probably like you.

I bet he was trying to keep the energy up,

he was talking about his send-off

and the ladies and everything like that,

until he realised that nobody gives a fuck.

So, unless you want to go the same way as him,

I suggest that you just keep your mouth shut

so I can get this fucker back and I can salvage my fucking assessment.

You're right.

It's easier not to make the effort, ain't it, Mart?

Like the effort I made.

Me coming out all the way this way just to help you.

-You're right. You don't have to say nothing.

-I...

No, no, nothing. Hear me, Mart, nothing.

It's all right. Forget it.

Dis my brother...

There's a bus in...

-Rash.

-Oh, leave...

-No, no, no, no, no. Rash, look.

-Oi...

-Don't say anything!

I didn't even fucking do anything this time!

It's Chick!

It's not Wojciech you're looking for.

It's Chick.

It's Chick. Look, I'll show you the obituary.

I don't think anybody called him Wojciech. Not even his dad, Jerzy.

Jerzy was his dad?

Yeah. I didn't make the connection.

It's funny, you just...

You never think it's going to be someone your own age.

It must be different for you, though.

So, what was Chick like? I mean, was he ever in any trouble or...

No, not that I know of.

He was just this shy kid from what I remember.

-You didn't know him well?

-No, not that much.

I knew his dad Jerzy better.

I used to work in his shoe shop.

Well, until he kind of fired me

after the first week, but we were cool after I passed.

So, you wouldn't know where he's heading, would you?

Like, do you know where his home is or...

Oh, at his mum's, definitely. I know where she lives.

-I can take you there if you want.

-Oh, yeah, that would be brilliant.

Anything I can do to help.

When's his send-off?

-His send-off.

-Oh, yeah.

Here it is.

So when is it, then?

11 tomorrow morning?

Well, I hope he's got his shit together by then, man.

So, what do you want to do while we wait?

-What d'you mean? We can't wait.

-He's come all the way up here.

He's obviously not planning on missing it, is he, Mart?

Our last bus leaves at 11.

So? There's another at one.

But it won't get us back in time. Nothing will after 11. I've checked.

Well, then we'll just have to be late, then, won't we, Mart?

Missing his own send-off? That's fucking raw, man.

Not being able to say goodbye to your own folks, your own mother.

-Think about it, Mart.

-You're saying it like we've got a choice.

As long as we get him back, so what?

If we're bloody late, they'll have to understand.

And, if they don't, I don't give a fuck.

I can't be late and you can't either.

-Do you want to get totally fucked?

-What do you mean by totally fucked?

-I'm going up there, mate.

-Fucking hell.

-Know what I mean?

When my brother Chunky gets through...

Yeah, Chunky, Chunky, all right.

Don't you fucking start on my brother again, Mart!

The only reason we've got to be back for five

is because of your assessment. Not my fucking assessment.

I'll bet you suicide job over there, she ain't going to like it

-if he misses his send-off, Mart.

-We just need to get him back.

I'm going to go and visit his folks' house.

Do you want to have a look around or...

Oh. Oh, I'll have a look around.

I'll have a good fucking look around.

Missing his own send-off! That's fucking raw, Mart!

-Is everything all right?

-Yeah.

Right. Well, I'll see you in two minutes. Right. Bye.

Apart from the buses, is there any other way out of here?

Yeah.

There's boats.

I was thinking about becoming a carer,

but, you know, in a place where there's not so many old fuckers.

What sort of people do you get in the city?

Oh, all sorts.

-Stabbings mainly, you know?

-Really?

Yeah. Listen, Liz, if you want to show us the way to go,

I can make my own way there, if you've got things to do.

Weren't you supposed to be at a wedding?

Nah, it's fine. I managed to tear myself away from it.

Anyway, it's not like they'll have noticed that I'm gone.

And it's good to be of some use for a change.

We can take the scenic route, if you want.

Yeah. Yeah. Whichever way's quickest, really.

Oh, I'm not used to hanging with someone that's in a rush.

What will you do when you find him?

Oh, well, just try and calm him down.

Probably go for a walk.

You know, a long walk, just the two of us.

It must be interesting handling new ones.

How do you get them ready for their send-off?

Well, it depends whether they want to go to it.

What d'you mean?

Well, some people don't want to go to it, you know? It's personal.

-Well, you have to go to your own send-off.

-Not necessarily.

I didn't go to mine.

Seriously?

Well, it's not for everyone, you know.

But if you don't go to your send-off, how do you get to say goodbye?

Is it this way?

Yeah.

Oi!

What you doing?

Nothing! Nothing, man!

Frank doesn't like peekers.

Peekers? I'm not peeking!

Like we give a fuck.

We saw you on TV. We dug it.

We're mash-ups an' all.

Oh.

Nice one.

I remember my send-off.

Put one of my mix tracks on.

Played for about an hour.

Really fucked up the scheduling of the day, though.

It was pretty avant-garde, but that's me.

It seems a long time ago now, though.

Are we much closer?

What?

Yeah. We're close.

Liz!

Oh, fucking hell. Sorry about this. Just ignore him.

Come on, Liz, eh?

Raymond, I'm busy, OK?

-Come on, Liz.

-It's over, Raymie! Do I have to tell you again?

If you need to talk, I can always get on.

-There's a bluegrass festival on.

-I fucking hate bluegrass!

-Oh, Liz.

-No, seriously, if I could...

-Oh, just fuck off!

Why do you have to be like this? I'm only coming to see you.

-I mean, I missed my sign-on day to find you.

-I can...

I didn't ask you to!

-Well, I did it for you.

-I don't care if you did it for me!

-I didn't ask you to!

-Come on, let's just go to the bluegrass festival.

No, I don't want to go to the fucking bluegrass fucking festival

of fucking shite!

So, he's put his foot down now, he's accelerated, right?

Chunky's on the corner of the strip.

I've seen him coming towards him, right,

I've pushed Chunky just about in the nick of time, right?

As I've turned around, I'm thinking, "Oh, my days!"

I'm pulling back like this.

It's too late. He's come towards me. I've thought,

"I'm not going out like that. Come on, then, you fuckers!"

And, then... Oi, check that out. Check this out, right?

Here, let's have a butcher's, man.

Listen, right, this is like the same car that killed me!

-Fuck off!

-It was a bit bigger.

-A bit bigger?

I tell you what, could you just stop

following me around like a fucking stalker?

-Is it all right if I get a word in fucking sideways?

-I don't care!

Do you know what? You need to calm...

..you don't shut the fuck up. You need to respect my space.

I don't give a shit! Just fuck off, Raymond!

-That's right. Just away, like...

-Fuck off!

Yeah, sorry about that.

-Where were we?

-We were just...

Yeah, it's this way.

I'm so stupid. I'm so fucking stupid.

It was just an accident. It was a stupid accident.

I just get really fucking tense when I drive, you know,

and I had a couple to loosen up, and now look at me!

I'm stuck in this fucking shithole

and they've fucking forgotten about me, all of them.

It's shit! It's fucking shit!

-It's only been two years.

-I am sure they...

No, they don't.

Sorry, I just... It just gets on top of me sometimes.

How do you deal with it?

Erm...

..I try not to think about it, to be honest with you.

Well, you can't not think about it.

Yeah?

I'm just really keen to get up there now, you know?

It's difficult letting people go, isn't it?

Yeah.

-Huh! Huh!

-Oh, shit!

THEY LAUGH

Oh, shit!

He's going!

Well, here we go.

This is definitely the place.

-Brilliant. Right, thanks.

-That's OK.

I'll go and give you some space for what you need to do.

I've taken up enough of your time already.

I'm going to check out the reception,

catch up on the latest chat

and I am sorry about that freak-out earlier.

Oh, it's all right.

Normally I'm a lot more fun to be around, honest.

Anyway, um, if I see Chick on my travels, I'll bring him over.

Yeah, yeah.

You can have that long walk. Sort him out before you head off.

I kind of wish I was coming.

Well...

I'll see you at the send-off.

Yeah, I'll see you at the send-off.

-Chick, it's all right.

-I didn't mean to do it.

-It's all right.

It's all right. Wait there. Wait there. Wait there.

I warned you.

I was just trying to make sure he was OK.

-You can do that in the morning.

-I'm not a pervert.

-CURFEW!

All right, pal?

A box of those, please.

MOUTHS: You are so fucking hot.

MOUTHS: I'm crazy about you.

Right.

Cheers.

RADIO PLAYS LOUD R&B MUSIC

-He said he didn't mean to do it.

-Do what? Could be anything, man.

He'll be fine once he gets to his send-off.

-In the meantime...

-No, no, no. I've told you, we can't wait.

What do you mean, Mart? Look, I've got this town on lock!

I know the bus ain't gonna get us back on time,

but does it look like I'm going back by fucking bus? No!

What's that?

REVELLERS SHOUT

Top this, dickheads!

Those are my boys and that's our ride back home, Mart.

Mandy's Promotions, leaving the city for after the send-off,

and getting in no later than three, mate.

How do you know it's no later than three?

Cos Mandy's Mental Promotions, right,

she's gotta be up in front of the judge at 3.15

so she'll be at the funfair till 12, mate.

You're absolutely sure?

Mate, I heard her on the blower when I saw her. I'm positive.

-You're sure?

-Yeah, mate.

So that means...

Liz.

Liz? That girl.

See, I told you you were into her, Mart.

You like her. It's always the quiet ones, eh, Mart?

That's it!

We're getting off at the next stop, OK?

Oh, they play this song at Suzy Q's all the time!

I fucking love this, man!

It makes the girls do this thing, right? Like this, Mart.

Get on my level! Get on my level!

Seriously, Rash, next stop.

Oh, come on, Mart, man. Loosen up, Mart. Loosen up.

Get in the rhythm. Come on, Mart, man. Bust some moves!

-Do it with me.

-Oh, God.

Come on, Mart!

Wayhey, that's it! That's it, Mart. That's it.

She'll be impressed with your moves like that.

More, more! Shake it! Do that!

-Next stop.

-Yeah, man.

-Hey, Mart, I've got a special treat for you.

-Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I've got a special treat for you.

Hey!

What am I missing?

Giving Chick some space tonight then?

I fucking love Crunk!

Yeah, yeah, me too, man.

So where are we all headed?

Yeah, where ARE we headed?

-Oh, fuck!

-Right, right there.

-Is that it?

-Aye, that's it.

-Right fucking there?

-Aye.

Fuck, aye.

-Oh, you fucking dirty bitch!

-Oh, you've got it!

-Oh, fuck, yes!

-Right there.

-Who's the daddy?

-You!

-Who's your daddy?

-You're the daddy!

-Oh, fucking dirty bitch!

-Aye!

Oh, fucking, yeah!

-You got it?

-Aye!

Oh, yes!

It's always the quiet ones, eh, Mart?

Oh, give it to me! GIVE IT TO ME!

ROOF TEARS

Hey! Watch my fucking roof, love!

For fuck's sake.

He missed. Got the rest of it...

Just get it back inside me!

-Right.

-Oh, that's it!

-Yeah, yeah!

-Oh, fill me up!

HE GRUNTS

Oh!

Oh, God, fucking YES!

It's fucking jammed.

Clean it up, Cheryl, eh?

-No muck on the seats, please.

-Ach, right! Sake!

Liz, if you try... Just get out. That's it, that's it. Liz!

ENGINE ROARS

OWL HOOTS

SOMBRE CHURCH ORGAN MUSIC

Chick?

-What are you up to?

-Nothing.

We've just been looking for Chick, same as you have.

-I've just seen him.

-Yes, she's just seen him.

Well, where did you see him?

Heading up the coastal road where his girlfriend lives.

-He won't listen to us.

-You need to go after him.

Where's your friend? He should go, too.

-Well, which way is it?

-That way.

Right.

-WHISPERS:

-It's all right. We've tricked him.

I've sent him up the coastal road. It's all right, son.

Chick, it's all right. It's OK. It's OK.

-It's OK.

-He didn't mean to kill him.

-Kill who?

-Your friend.

Rash?

I was driving through the estate when I saw him.

He was being chased by a gang of wee boys

and they couldn't have been much older than 12 or 13.

I got out to see if I could do anything, but...

..I mean, I didn't know what to do.

I wasn't supposed to be there.

I don't know why but I panicked and I ran off. I ran off.

What should we do about your friend?

He doesn't know,

and he doesn't HAVE to know, if you can help me get him back.

I could just do without the hassle.

Right.

One more thing.

What sort of car was it?

It was a Punto.

A Fiat Punto.

Oh, right.

Come on, guys, I can't keep waiting for you.

-What?

-I said I can't keep waiting for you.

Come on, we don't want to miss it, do we?

Oi, knobhead!

CAR RADIO PLAYS LOUD R&B MUSIC

OK...just wait here.

Liz?

Hello.

You found him! You fucking found him!

What the fuck was up with him?

-Is he all right?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just taking him to his send-off,

because there's nothing more important, is there?

We're still definitely all right for the transport, yeah,

-for the truck and everything, Rash?

-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mental Mandy's over by the Fun Fair.

I just passed her, do you know what I mean?

I've got this place on smash, Mart!

Right, and...I'm sorry about last night, Liz.

Oh, it's fine. I've been stuck in tighter places.

-Right.

-So has Tony!

THEY LAUGH

Yeah. So when do you two think you're going to be getting out?

When Mr "Who's The Daddy" over here goes to get his roof fixed,

well, we can jump out then, can't we?

-So we'll see you at the send-off.

-See you, Mart!

THEY SHOUT OBSCENITIES

Right, come on.

There it is.

Any sign of her? Any sign of Liz?

No.

-Does he have to go so soon?

-I told you the deal, I'm sorry.

We're late enough as it is.

OK, let's go.

You'll be all right.

We'll get you back to the centre, get you registered.

You'll be fine, OK?

CAR RADIO PLAYS LOUD R&B MUSIC

Right, let's, er...

Oi, no-hoper, who's your boyfriend?

No fucking hoper!

Er, have you seen a truck?

-A truck?

-Yes, a truck.

-Or Liz? Have you seen Liz?

-Yeah, Liz. Yeah, Liz, I've seen her.

-Where?

-She's gone.

She's gone?

Where?

With her fella.

Fuck nugget!

Oi! Hey, mate. Mate!

-Who's the newbie?

-Oi, bum tickler! Who's your boyfriend?

Do you want to know who that is?

You want to know who that is, do you? Yeah?

You see that boy there? He killed Rash. How about that?

Yeah, you know Rash, the one the boys are always going on about

what car he got hit by, the one you look up to?

You know the one, "Ooh, I've been on the telly! Look at me!

"I'm dodging bullets and tanks!"

-Chick, are you all right?

-...fucking hit him.

There was bones and blood went everywhere and you know what it was?

It was a Fiat Punto. So why don't you just FUCK...

-Martin!

-..OFF?

-I thought you'd gone with Rash.

-With Rash? No, he's looking for you.

Listen, you've got to hurry if you want to catch that ride.

-It's parked around the back.

-Around the back?

-Uh-huh.

Right.

Right, OK.

Um, do you want to come with us?

Um...

-it's not that straightforward, Mart.

-No, no, no, no.

I was thinking I could try and get you transferred or something.

I mean, it wouldn't have to be me doing the sponsor or anything,

but I think you'd like it.

I mean, Chick, you wouldn't mind, would you?

We could maybe help you out, and, you know, I actually think...

It's kind of you, Mart, but I can't.

Liz!

Yeah, we sort of managed to get a few things sorted out.

He's got no-one else.

And, besides, I kind of, erm...

..killed him.

Come on, Liz, eh?

Thanks for listening, Mart.

You're a good carer.

Look after him.

Yeah, see you.

Right.

Come on then.

Oi-oi!

-It's OK.

-Oi!

We just need to get on.

-Everything all right?

-Yeah. Listen, I got some bad news for you.

-Liz ain't coming.

-What?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I tried my best, I did,

all night in the back of that car sweetening her up for you.

Soon as she gets out the car, boom, straight into her boyfriend.

-Did you know about him, Mart?

-Yeah, yeah.

-I suppose you're just keen to get back?

-Definitely. Definitely.

What about him? How is he? You all right, Chief, yeah?

He's just a bit delicate at the moment,

-so we just need to be a bit gentle with him.

-Yeah, yeah.

Of course he's going to be delicate, isn't he?

Oi! Look at what we're getting you back in!

Don't worry, just relax, man.

He'll be fine once we get back to the city.

I know I will. See Chunky. Get back to the city vibe.

-A bit of Suzy Q tonight, eh, Mart?

-Let's just get back, eh?

There they are! Oi-oi!

THEY HOLLER

I invited them to come back with us, Mart.

You...

It's...

Look, I'll go and head them off. They'll understand.

-They'll understand.

-You can't, Rash.

Shout me as soon as you see Mental M, yeah?

Don't go leaving me behind, Mart!

Where you been, man?

CAR DOOR SLAMS

ENGINE STARTS

Mart?

Mart, where you going? I'm the one that...

ENGINE STALLS

It was you! You!

You! It was you! You!

-ENGINE STARTS

-Mart! Where you go...

Mart! Mart! Mart!

-Where you going?

-Rash!

-Mart!

Over here, mate.

Just fill in the questionnaire.

Just tick 10 there.

So, Martin's on his 4-0?

He's never been really enthusiastic since he's been here.

Ah, talk of the devil.

Hi there, Martin.

Mart.

Oh, all right?

-Not bad, yourself?

-Yeah.

You finding things all right here?

Aye, not bad.

Just drifting about, you know?

Taking things as I find it.

Listen, I'd better...

I've been trying to find Rash.

I still feel really bad about what happened.

If I could just talk to him, maybe we could have a session together?

Might be good for both of us.

-I haven't seen him. Sorry.

-Yeah, nobody has.

Not since we saw him last.

Ah, he'll be all right.

He's probably with his mates or with his brother.

He's probably with Chunky.

-You try down the hospital?

-Yeah, I did.

Chunky's not there any more. Chunky pulled through.

Oh, well, then he's probably with him, isn't he?

No, no, Mart. Chunky pulled through.

Right.

Listen, Chick...

a word of advice, yeah?

DIY.

DIY?

Don't involve yourself.

Hey.

I think I might know where he is.

Come on.

Well, it can't be this one.

Just, er, keep an eye out.

-WHISPERS:

-Rash?

You in here?

Rash.

Hey.

It's not easy, is it?

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry about your brother.

I remember when that Ford Ka came and took me away.

I was just wandering the streets, thinking about Jacqui, you know,

and I really thought that she might,

well, you know, end it all for me.

You hear about that, don't you?

But, er, it did not happen.

She had to let me go

and I have to let her go.

Rash?

They're starting to close up, Mart. Let's go.

Mart.

Yeah?

So you really got hit by a Ford Ka?

Yeah, yeah, I thought you'd like that one.

-Thanks for finding me, Mart.

-That's all right, mate.

Now can we get out of here?

Come on.

If anyone asks, it was a 4x4, yeah?

-A what?

-A 4x4.

The motor was a 4x4, X5.

No, X6. Yeah.

Or, I'll tell you what, a Porsche Cayenne Turbo.

Do you know about the Porsche Cayenne Turbo?

I'll take you there, and then you can see which one I'm on about.

Mart, where are you going?

Oh, I thought I'd leave you guys to it.

No, I'm going to take him down the showroom

so he can pick out the right one.

Then I am definitely leaving you to it.

-Where do you want to go then, Mart?

-You two sort it out.

Hold on, Mart.

Mart, hold on! Do you want to go watch a movie, Mart?

Let's take a trip. We can explore. Come on, Mart.