Swing Time

# Swing time! Swing time!

# Musical guys have crowned it King up to their eyes, they've drowned in swing time, swing time,

# Pick yourself up Dust yourself off And then let's swing!

Go on, take a card. Any card at all.

Now look at it...

Now put it back...

Ace of spades!

-When did you change the act, Pop?

-I didn't. He did.

-HE did?

-Yeah. He said magic is old-fashioned.

AUDIENCE APPLAUDS

-Hey, wait, take a bow!

-No, I gotta get married!

They're applauding! They like it!

-Lucky!

-Now what?

-I wanna reason with you if I can.

-But you already did.

-Are you really going to leave me just to marry some girl you know?

-It's customary to know the bride.

-I hate to see you leave. With your talents...

My talent is gambling, Pop. There's no future in hoofing.

I... I think I'm gonna miss you, Lucky.

I know I'm gonna miss you, Pop.

-Is he staying with us?

-No. He's decided to get married.

­ Letting marriage ruin OUR career!

-We shouldn't have played his home town.

-Yeah, it was a bad move.

"Local boy makes bad."

Father, has he come yet? No! It's just as I expected!

HUMS "IT'S NOT ON THE CARDS"

Hi, fellows.

How do I look?

­ Marvellous! Colossal! Splendid!

Wait... You're not going like THAT ?

Of course! Big church wedding. Whole town there.

I guess it doesn't matter. Just a hick town.

What doesn't matter?

-Last year's trousers.

-Last year's?

No cuffs!

No cuffs ?!

On these?

-Are you serious?

-It's ridiculous!

-Maybe's HE'S wrong.

-Let's see it.

-What do you think of that?

-Well, you know...

-Garnett!

-Yeah?

-Telephone for you.

-OK.

-I'll get it.

Only take 5 minutes. Just two inches. Get 'em off!

Hello.

Hello, John. Will you hurry...? Well, tell him the minister is here. Margaret's been ready for an hour.

I'll tell him.

-Ahem!

-Oh, who was it?

The minister. He said take it easy. He'll be about a half-hour late.

-Oh, good.

-Now I'll get them fixed.

No, you don't. Pop, take them to Schmidts and have them done fast.

-You want two cuffs on them?

-One on each leg.

Hurry up. Tell him I need them right away!

­ Now for some indoor sport...!

ALL TALK AT ONCE OVER DICE

Any word? He'll be here any minute.

I told Margaret this would happen. I always say: marry in haste, repent at leisure.

­ He is one hour and 25 minutes late. Not exactly "marrying in haste"!

As long as I am living, I have never seen cuffs on pants like these!

-Can't you make them?

-I can make ANYTHING ! But I would rather not be wrong than right!

I'm paying for cuffs and I WANT cuffs!

No, NO ! Ten times...TWENTY times, no!

Can't you understand...? Let me show you...

Do you see any cuffs here? Not ONE cuff. THOUSANDS of no cuffs.

Here, look at these. You'll see NO cuffs.

Here, MILLIONS of no cuffs!

No cuffs.

More than that! Positively not ONE cuff!

Why not?

Mr Garnett? JENKS: 'Speaking.'

- Here he is, sir. - Let me talk to him.

The guests are going and I'm VERY happy because the wedding's off!

'And if you ever come here again, I'll break every bone in your body!'

Is that call for me?

No, it's my dame.

OK, sweetheart. And a great, big juicy kiss for you... Mmmwwwah!

ALL TALK EXCITEDLY

Alright... Alright...

Yeah!!

-You ought to marry those dice!

-Marry? What time is it?

-Pop, my pants!

-You got 'em on!

-Oh, yeah, yeah...

-Wait a minute!

-You've got our dough!

-I'm off.

-I'll bet you the lot you don't get married.

-OK.

No cuffs!

The tailor says those pants shouldn't have cuffs.

Oh... WHAT ?!

Nice fellows (!)

Hello.

-Where's everybody?

-Why, the guests have all gone, sir.

Did you wish to be announced? ANGRY VOICES >

No. Maybe I'd better surprise them.

He can't do this to my daughter! I'll settle this as I see fit! We'll be a laughing stock! >

Ah! So!

Well, here I am!

-Why didn't you appear?

-I thought you'd ask me that.

Don't just stand there! You said you were going to DO something!

Well, what are you going to do?

Don't you touch him! Then YOU do something! I will!

-I will, but...

-Pardon me, I think I'm in the way. I'll leave you.

-Wait! I haven't finished with you!

-I didn't think you had.

You couldn't marry her for 10,000!

-20,000?

-No!

-25,000?

-Not for... Say, where could you get 25,000?

By dancing (?) And there's another thing; coming back to your home town in a dancing act!

-I'm starting a new business. Today I made 200.

-200?

-Yes. That's why I was late.

-Well, that makes it a bit different.

No, I'm not consenting to your wedding, but I admire a young man who can make money.

-It shows... It shows character.

-That's too kind, sir.

-Not at all.

-Then we can marry?

-Well, if you go to New York and work hard,

and if you are successful, you can come back and ask for Margaret.

-Oh, Daddy! And I'll probably be happy to give her to you.

-Thank you, sir.

-John, dear, you'll come back soon, won't you?

-Depends on the stakes... er, the stocks.

-Goodbye, my son.

-Thank you, father...in-law.

We'll both be waiting for you.

Hurry back, dear... I didn't realise what a bright, young...

I know you'll be successful.

-Lucky, couldn't I go with you?

-You'd be a good influence on me!

-No, honest I wouldn't.

-I'm terrible bad really.

-Then you better HAD stay! One to New York.

-Well?

-Whose money are you using?

-Yours. Thank you very much.

But our money belongs to us again!

Hey, what's the idea?

-We bet you wouldn't marry.

-I'll pay you later.

-Oh, no!

All aboard!

-I gotta get that train!

-Too late!

-Give me that lucky quarter... Flip you for a ticket to New York.

-I don't wanna go to New York.

I see.

Goodbye, Lucky! So long (!) So long, Lucky!

MOCK FAREWELLS

So long!

So long!

Lucky!

Here's your suitcase!

Here's your toothbrush.

-Boy, I'd give my life for a smoke!

-Well, take the quarter.

Oh, no, sir, not the lucky one!

Wait, I'll get the smoke...

I beg your pardon, have you got a match, please?

Thank you... How careless of me, I left my cigarettes at home.

Then you won't need the matches.

That won't work without a needle and thread.

Excuse me, have you change for a quarter?

Thank you very much.

You shouldn't have done that just for me.

-You hold it.

-Eh?

-Hold it.

-Alright.

Oh, ho! Looks like a jackpot!

Yes. Go and get your lucky quarter back, quick!

-I beg your pardon. You probably think I'm silly.

-Yes, I do.

-Could I have that quarter back?

-This isn't getting you anywhere.

I'm not trying to get acquainted. All I want to know is...

It's all my fault.

-I'm awfully sorry.

-I know, you've tried so hard to avoid me (!)

Alright, give it back.

-Give what back?

-The quarter you stole.

-Come on!

-I'll call a policeman.

-But I haven't got it...

-Officer!

-Come on, let's go.

-Wait a minute.

-What's up? Good morning, sir.

-This man stole a quarter from my purse!

-Does he LOOK as if he would steal?

-That's just what I said.

-Imagine!

I KNOW he stole my quarter!

-Run along, sister, before I charge you for disturbing the peace.

-But...

-That'll be enough!

Go on, you're obstructing traffic.

Why you... You COSSACK !

-You had no right to speak to that girl that way.

-Are you telling me what my duty is?

-No, but...

-My job is to protect you from screwy dames.

-Yes, but here you were wrong.

-You ought to THANK me for what I've done!

-Alright. Thank you.

-OK.

CAR HOOTS

WHAT did you say?

I said look out for the great big ditch.

-Here.

-You should have told me you had it!

-I'd have been accused of stealing!

-Here!

Wait for me.

Miss Carroll!

Hello, kids.

No wonder this school's losing money. Everybody's late today! Somebody's going to lose their job!

Anybody'd think I had nothing to do!

True.

Oh, Miss Anderson, good morning. Yes, if you're late again you'll be fired too!

I have nothing more to say! Good.

-Is that you, Mabel?

-I don't know.

-Kinda sounds like you.

-Well, that's a relief. I'm never sure these days.

-Did you see...

-Visitors make the pupils self-conscious. Please wait.

Thank you.

Miss Anderson, come quickly. Please!

He's hissing at me again, the swan.

Ah-hem.

Oh...

-Good morning. Are you interested in the dance?

-I came to see if...

-To know how to dance...

-Is to know how to control oneself.

-Thanks.

Our course is 45, but the first lesson is free to test the student's aptitude.

-We never refuse the 45...I mean...

-You never let a pupil get away.

-Yes, we don't fool anybody.

What kind of instructress would you like?

I'd like one that comes to about here; and if she had red hair, that would be a great help.

-And a cute little nose...

-I see.

Ah, Miss Anderson, good morning! Me, too.

-Mr Gordon, this is Mr...

-Garnett.

How do you do, Mr Garnett.

He'd like a trial lesson... from Miss Carroll.

Of course. She's one of our best. You are very fortunate. To learn to dance...

-to move...

-To flirt with Terpsichore.

-Yes...! What?

Lucky!

-How do you do? Do you mind if I wait here?

-No, help yourself.

-Thanks.

-I mean to the chair!

Miss Carroll...this is Mr Garnett.

This is Miss Penelope Carroll.

But we call her Penny.

-Penny?

-Yes...Penny?

Penny, DEAR...

-This is Mr Garnett.

-Penny.

-Miss Carroll!

Mr Garnett wants to learn to dance.

So you won't step on people's toes?

-Ho! That's very good, isn't it?

-Yes, that's very good...!

-What kind of dancing would you like to learn?

-What kind have you got?

-Sap!

-Sap dancing?

-No, no, no. She means TAP-dancing.

-Of course.

-And we have ballroom dancing and aesthetic dancing.

Oh, well, I'll take a little of each.

Yes... Miss Carroll wants to know which you'd like to learn FIRST.

-Well, whichever takes the longest.

-Yes, well...

Go on...begin the lesson.

You must learn to walk first.

-Now start with your right foot... No, RIGHT foot.

-Sorry, I'm left-handed.

Right...left...right...left...

-Miss Carroll, about your quarter...

-You're trying to annoy me.

-You don't care about learning to dance.

-Oh, but I do!

Right...left...right...left...

-Right...left...right...left...

-This is fun!

-Now you turn.

-Start again...

(If you don't get out of here, I'm going to lose my temper.)

-Then I'll call a policeman.

-Why, you...

-Officer!

-Right...

-"Our young ladies are sweet-tempered, patient and understanding."

-I don't think you need me here any longer. I know I'm leaving you in good hands.

-Lovely hands!

-That's the most marvellous trick I've ever seen.

-You mean the four aces?

No. The way you made my sandwich disappear.

-Who, me?

-You'd better take a sandwich out of this hat!

-Are you accusing me of eating it ?!

-And you can take that lettuce off your necktie!

One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three... Turn!

Let's try it again, from the beginning.

One, two, three. One, two three... Turn! One...

-I'm getting it.

-Yes... Again.

One, two, three. One, two, three... Turn! One two, three. One, two...

Now you've GOT it!

-MUSIC: "PICK YOURSELF UP"

-I can't teach you anything.

-#

-Please, teacher, teach me something,

-#

-Nice teacher, teach me something, I'm as awkward as a camel

-#

-That's not the worst My two feet haven't met yet, But I'll be teacher's pet yet

-#

-Cause I'm gonna learn to dance or burst!

-#

-Nothing's impossible, I have found

-#

-For when my chin is on the ground I pick myself up, dust myself off

-#

-And start all over again! Don't lose your confidence if you slip

-#

-Be grateful for a pleasant trip

-#

-And pick yourself up, Dust yourself off, And start all over again!

-#

-Work like a soul inspired Till the battle of the day is won

-#

-You may be sick and tired But you'll be a man, my son.

-#

-Will you remember the famous men Who had to fall to rise again?

-#

-So take a deep breath... Pick yourself up...

-#

-Dust yourself off... And start all over again!

-#

-I'll get some self-assurance if your endurance is great

-#

-I'll learn by easy stages if you're courageous and wait

-#

-To feel the strength I want to I must hang on to your hand

-#

-Maybe by the time I'm fifty... I'll get up and do a nifty...

-#

-Alright, again. Remember, 3 steps left and 3 steps right.

-3 to the right.

One, two, three. One two three...

-#

-Pick yourself up, Dust yourself off, Start all over again...

-#

NO-ONE could teach you to dance!

-Save your money!

-Miss Carroll!

NEVER turn away applicants!

You're discharged! Get your things and go!

-But...

-Get out!

Now don't you worry, I'll find you another instructress right away.

-So this is how you treat customers?

-I don't give them sandwiches! OUT !

What's gotten into everyone today?

My sandwich got into HIM !

You're FIRED !

OK, swivelpuss.

I've also discharged Miss Carroll. You've discharged Penny ?!

-Why?

-For no reason at all. Please see her.

-But she said she couldn't teach you.

-Oh, she's a wonderful teacher!

-Oh, I want to show Mr Gordon how much you've just taught me.

-No...

-Thank you.

-Please...

-I'd like Mr Gordon to see this.

Now how did that last step go? Er... Oh, yes.

Shall we try it right through?

Wait! Sheer HEAVEN, my dears!

-Is she still fired?

-Oh, you took me too seriously!

Now just wait for one moment.

He got her job back! Wasn't that swell?

-What he can do, I can do!

-MUSIC: "PICK YOURSELF UP"

Alright. Thank you.

-I've made you an appointment for a try-out with Mr Simpson of the Silver Sandal.

-The Silver Sandal ?!

-That's wonderful!

-It certainly is!

Penny, wear your white lame gown. That's how I see you.

And Mr Garnett in dinner clothes.

-Dinner clothes?

-Yes, certainly.

You'll do it? You'll BE there?

Do you think I'd disappoint you? I'll be there.

You're STILL fired!

Pop, you can pay the cab.

Have you got change for 10 dollars?

I have.

Thanks. Here you are, buddy. You keep that.

Now don't worry about losing your job. I'll take care of you.

-But I'll take care of my own 10.

-Wouldn't you like to double it?

-The trouble with gambling is that you lose sometimes.

-We ALWAYS win.

Alright then.

-I'll telephone you when I'm ready.

-Alright.

-Oh, where do you live?

Um...right here.

Since when?

Since from now on.

-How shall I get a dinner jacket?

-Don't worry about that. I borrowed this from Mabel.

You're marvellous! A suite for myself and Mr Cardetti, please.

-Something about, er...?

-Yes.

-Yes.

Doctor, would you go and see if our trunks are through the customs yet?

Oh, wait, take my verification.

-Er, what size chest?

-Chest? Oh, you mean that little chest? The one in the hold?

-Yeah.

-That chest is 36 inches.

Right.

How long do you intend to stay?

Er, that'll be entirely up to you.

DOOR OPENS

-Did you get a dinner jacket?

-No. I went broke trying to win enough to buy you one.

-What can I do?

-Now don't worry, I saw this SWELL outfit.

-Where is it?

Looks like a perfect 36 !

I want you to meet my old friend, Eric, er...what was your name?

ENGLISH AND DRUNK: My name's Eric Lacanistram.

Eric lost all his money too.

I lost all my money too! Ha, ha, ha!

-Eric just loves to gamble!

-Really?

-It's in the Lacanistram's blood.

-He'll play you for anything he's got on.

-I'll toss you for the whole outfit.

No. I'm orf Pitch and Toss.

The Lacanistram's game is Piquet.

Has been for years and years... before the Conquest.

And then AFTER the Conquest... for years and years and years.

In fact, we've been playing Piquet for years and years and years.

-But I don't know Piquet.

-Don't worry, I do.

Oh, yes, sir... Alright. Goodbye.

-Simpson says if we're not there in 10 minutes, the try-out is off.

-He's a whole hour late!

I'm gonna get him. I feel like a fool.

But you ARE.

24...

25, 26 and 27.

And that's Piquet, Mr Garnett!

-Pop, you certainly showed me how to play Piquet.

-You're doing fine.

Fine? He'll have my skin next.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Come in.

Penny!

Er, listen, Penny! Look...

-The clothes that I had before...

-When you're talking to a lady take your hat off.

Come on, Penny.

Your petticoat's showing.

Keep it up. The public is with you.

Mabel, get down and stop being ridiculous.

Maybe YOU'RE being ridiculous. A WHOLE week you've been sulking.

-I suppose it was MY fault ?!

-You're going to miss the try-out that Lucky arranged tonight.

-You're letting your stubbornness interfere with what you want.

-I like being stubborn with him.

Must be love.

He's a common gambler!

When a man builds a quarter into a bank-roll, and makes my 10 grow into hundreds...

I'd call him an UN-common gambler.

Okay, okay...

Come in, comrade.

Ssh, outside!

-My card!

-You're a big success. She's willing to arbitrate.

-I knew it would work.

-Tell him to leave me alone!

Oh, no...sit down. Hold your ground.

Penny!

Yes...?

-Hello.

-DOOR SLAMS

Penny?

Get out of here!

Alright, I will.

Well, maybe I WAS wrong the other night, but I didn't know it at the time.

-So NOW you know.

-Yes, I do.

Goodbye.

-Wait a minute, maybe...

-I

-might have been wrong.

Oh, no. This one is on me!

-Listen, Lucky Garnett, there's no use arguing!

-I'm not!

-Yes, you are!

Alright... Goodbye.

Lucky? Wait a minute!

Lucky...

-#

-Some day...

-#

-When I'm awfully low And the world is cold

-#

-I will feel a glow Just thinking of...you

-#

-And the way you look...tonight

-#

-Oh, but you're lovely...

-#

-With your smile so warm

-#

-And your cheek so soft

-#

-There is nothing for me But to love...you

-#

-Just the way you look...tonight

-#

-With each word your tenderness grows

-#

-Tearing my fear apart

-#

-And that laugh that wrinkles your nose

-#

-Touches my foolish heart

-#

-Lovely... Never, never change

-#

-Keep that breathless charm

-#

-Won't you please arrange it 'Cause I love...you

-#

-Just the way you look...tonight

-#

-Just the way you look... tonight...

-#

# Won't you please arrange it

# 'Cause I lo-o-ove...you

# Just the way you look... tonight...

# Hm-mm-mm-mm...

# Hm-mm-mm-mm...

# Just the way you look...

# To-ni-i-i-i-ight... #

That was the Ricardo Romero Romantic Melody Hour.

-I don't like that fellow.

-Oh, he's very nice.

-THAT ?!

-You don't even know him.

-I enjoy disliking someone for no reason.

He's often asked me to marry him.

And you laughed... Or does he make you lose your sense of humour?

-Ricardo.

-Hello.

-I want you to meet Mr Garnett.

-How do you do?

-I played that last number especially for you.

-Thank you.

Now I know him, I still don't like him.

Beautiful, isn't it?

-What is?

-The music.

What music?

-The music they're playing.

-Oh, yeah...

What made you think of it?

Think of what?

-The music.

-Oh, I don't know. My mind was wandering, I guess (!)

-Are you as scared as I am?

-It's only a dance. There's nothing to worry about.

That's right, don't worry...

-because you won't dance... there won't be any music.

-You promised!

-I promised you could dance...alone.

-I'll dance with Lucky or not at all.

-So it's not at all.

Goodnight.

Come on, we'll see about that.

-Mr Simpson?

-Garnett.

-Tell Romero he has to play for our dance.

-I can't. Romero's played his last tune for me.

-But...

I lost his contract last night, playing cards. He now belongs to Dice Raymond.

-This is the first time I've heard of anyone playing for an orchestra.

-Nothing we can do.

-Would Raymond play another game for that contract?

-I doubt it.

He's always wanted Romero's band for his club...but he's a gambler.

Where is this Raymond place?

< 36th floor. Club Raymond.

That's all. 36...36...

Hello, Raymond. Hello, Ricardo! Looks like a big night!

Where Ricardo Romero goes, the others come.

Here goes everything on the red.

Excuse me, I need a bit of fresh air. I can't stand the strain.

27, red...

-Third dozen.

-This is no strain!

Oh, please...don't be angry. I want to talk to you.

Well, I don't want to talk to you.

I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I didn't want to see anyone else dance with you.

-It makes me jealous.

-Jealous?

Hmm-mm. Because...

-I love you.

-You have a funny way of showing it.

On the red.

This new fellow's taking me fast!

-If that hits for you, you'll have exactly enough.

-Enough for what?

-Enough to marry Margaret.

-What ?! No bet!

Seven. Red wins and the first dozen.

Pop, you're a pal...and a partner! I'm going to cash in.

-So you're going to leave us?

-Yes. I don't want to win more money.

Boy, you like to gamble. I'll cut you once - double or nothing.

No, thanks.

Scared?

Er, you have a contract with Romero, haven't you?

I'll tell you what I WILL do...

All my winnings against his contract.

Oh, no! I win the orchestra. I KEEP the orchestra.

Scared?

You're on.

I'll high-card you. Tony! Bring a fresh deck.

Keeps them on ice!

You're covered.

Shuffle.

-Cut.

-After you.

King of spades.

Wait a minute... Let me, will you?

Sure, let the old boy cut.

Ace of spades.

Excuse me, boys.

-Maybe we can play for this orchestra again some day.

-Thank you.

Pop, cash in for me, will you?

OK, give us dough for these, will you?

-Maybe we CAN have that dance.

-How?

-I just won Romero's contract.

-Nice orchestra you have there.

-The best.

-And the leader's just as good.

-Thank you.

-Would you play something for us, if you don't mind?

-But I do.

Well, I'm afraid you'll have to, because I now OWN you.

-What do you mean, OWN me?

-He just won you at the gambling table.

Oh, I see. Congratulations on winning such a valuable orchestra.

NOW will you play your waltz?

-No. The contract says I don't have to play after this hour unless I want to.

-Oh.

-So you won't play?

-You're right. I won't play...for you.

-I see.

That's all...

Ladies and gentlemen...

Mr Ricardo Romero has kindly requested

that Miss Carroll and I dance to his lovely waltz, "Swing Time".

-But...

-Look! He wants to be coaxed!

-APPLAUSE

What's the matter? You bashful?

This is a moment I've been waiting for.

ORCHESTRA PLAYS "SWING TIME"

-Where are you going?

-I'm going to get Pop.

-Oh, I'll do it for you. Sit still.

-Lucky seems to have something on his mind.

-You mean besides you?

I don't know. I only get to see him at rehearsals, or when somebody else is around.

Don't worry. I'll give you a break.

What an idea! Going to the country!

It was Mabel's idea, but she made it mine.

-Wherever we go or whatever we do, DON'T leave me alone with Penny.

-Why? Are you in love with her?

-Don't ask me questions like that!

-Oh, I see...

Why don't you tell her?

Well, I can't go on like this without her knowing about Margaret.

I just haven't got the nerve, that's all.

-You can't go back to Margaret unless you get the 25,000.

-I know.

So you haven't got it. So you don't have to go back.

-It's more than money. I'm in a fine spot.

-I'll look after this!

-You'd better lay off gambling.

-I don't want to lay off!

-Hello, Lucky.

-Hello, Mr Simpson.

-Seen the improvements?

-No.

-The decorators are working on The Silver Sandal.

-Oh, good.

-And we'll have you and Penny dancing to Romero's music!

-I'm not sure I can stick around.

OH, yes, you can!

But you must! Look...I'll make you a half partner. I'll give you 50%.

That should make you about 30,000 for the season.

My advice is to take 25% and be on the safe side.

25%...that would give me 15,000. You're right.

-Not over 25%.

-Eh?

-Is it a deal?

-Sure.

-Right.

Hey, Pop, remember not to leave me alone with...you know.

-Would you say he was crazy, or am I?

-I wouldn't say.

Where's this place we're going to?

The New Amsterdam. I used to go there before the war.

Which war?

I'd hate to see the Old Amsterdam.

Gee, I hope there's no wild animals.

I'm cold.

I think...maybe we oughtta go home now, eh?

No-oo...

-Edwin, I want to show you where we used to fish through the ice.

-I thought you only came in summer.

Well, I'll show you anyway.

Lucky!

Lucky!

I think they want to be alone.

I don't know what for.

Oh, it's LOVELY, isn't it?

Well, come on in.

It's a bit draughty, don't you think?

Well, we seem to BE here, don't we?

Oh, let's sit down.

-Won't you be too cold?

-Oh, no.

I like being off alone like this.

You're not alone, you're with me.

Then I like being off alone... with you.

I AM a little cold.

Well, flap your arms. That'll restore circulation.

Look... Makes me feel warmer already.

I doubt it.

Try it.

It's good for you, you see...

If some people saw us like this,

they might think that... we liked each other.

Yes, they might.

It's funny how we met, and all that's happened to us...

The way we've been thrown together.

-As if it were all MEANT to happen.

-Quite an experience.

It's more than an experience.

It's sort of like... a romance, isn't it?

Yes. As we say in French, "La belle romance".

A SWELL romance.

Lucky! Ah-ah-ah...

Er, you know, you ought to be wearing galoshes.

I think we'd better go home.

-#

-A fine romance, with no kisses

-#

-A fine romance, my friend, this is

-#

-We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes

-#

-But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes

-#

-A fine romance You won't nestle

-#

-A fine romance You won't wrestle

-#

-I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants I never had the chance

-#

-This is a fine romance

-#

-A fine romance My good fellow

-#

-You take romance I'll take Jello

-#

-You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean

-#

-At least they flap their fins to express emotion

-#

-A fine romance With no quarrels

-#

-With no insults And all morals

-#

-You're just as hard to land As the Ile de France

-#

-I never get the chance This is a fine romance.

-#

-You're not really angry?

-No, disappointed.

-Don't be that way. You're too nice.

-You're nice too...sometimes.

-Only sometimes?

There are times I can't make you out. When you're so...aloof.

Oh, so I'm aloof, am I?

Yoo-hoo! Come and play!

Hmm. He wants to play (!)

I see.

Well...of course.

Hey!

Sorry!

Sorry ?! I'm the one that got hit!

You know something? Snow tastes just as bad as water.

-Will you please try to square me with Mabel?

-What about?

-About making Lucky stop gambling. She's sore at me.

-Alright.

She doesn't understand why.

Explain to her that if Lucky gets 25,000, he HAS to go back and marry that girl.

-Girl?

-The girl he's engaged to.

-You see...

-Pop! Pop...

I'm going to throw all restraints aside. Don't bother me any more.

Okay.

Now...where were we when Pop interrupted us?

You'd just called me "aloof".

No. It was "a laugh".

I was just going to do something about it.

Oh, yes...I know.

-#

-A fine romance

-#

-With no kisses

-#

-A fine romance My friend, THIS is

-#

-True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has

-#

-We don't have half the thrills that the march of time has

-#

-A fine romance

-#

-With no clinches

-#

-A fine romance

-#

-With no pinches

-#

-You never give the orchids I send a glance

-#

-No, you like cactus plants (!)

-#

-This is a fine RO-ma-ance...!

-#

This is Ricardo Romero bringing you lovely music from the starlit heavens of the new Silver Sandal,

on the gala night of our grand reopening. Everybody is here!

-My, it certainly is beautiful!

-Yeah.

Edwin, we mustn't let those kids break up.

Their future depends on it. And so does mine. We O'Neils never forget diamonds and furs.

I can't get over Lucky giving me this REAL diamond bracelet.

You know, Pop... Oh!

Well, the old slitch!

Listen, girl, don't worry about me. I often talk to myself.

I'm my own grandmother. I have to keep her interested.

It's very lovely, Ricardo. I'm sorry, but I couldn't.

Please. It would make... Oh, hello!

I was just asking how can I concentrate if Penny dresses like that.

You'll get used to it. That's part of my plan.

Sometimes I should be left alone.

Always.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

Where's Lucky?

-How should I know?

-Oh. He doesn't interest you, eh?

No, he doesn't... hardly at all.

He was supposed to go back and marry that girl when he got 25,000.

Well, why doesn't he go back?

Because he doesn't want to and you know it.

-He's given up gambling.

-What am

-I

-supposed to do?

Why don't you give him a BIG kiss?

Oh, I wouldn't do that... even if I wanted to.

-You haven't got the nerve.

-I have.

-But not enough.

-Yes, I have!

-Hmm...

I've the nerve to do anything!

You know...

-I think you have.

-I KNOW I have!

-Well?

-Well?

-Why don't you go and do it?

You do and I'll stand on my head.

Alright... I will.

Come in.

Uh...how do you like my dress?

-Why, it's nice.

-You like it?

-Sure.

-Thanks.

Wait a minute!

I-I think it's wonderful.

The skirt's nice...

The...sleeves are nice.

-It's a cape.

-The cape is nice.

The back is nice.

Your hair is nice...

And you...

Oh...

Lucky?

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Lucky, you're on next.

-Am I?

It's nice!

-You like it?

-I certainly do!

-Thanks.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

Wow!

-#

-Oh, Bojangles of Harlem...!

-#

ORCHESTRA PLAYS "BOJANGLES"

# Ask anyone up Harlem way Who that guy, Bojangles, is

# They may not know who's President

# But ask 'em who Bojangles is... He's in a most entrancing business It's called the dancing business

# When there's a beat on the street Brother, go and bet all your dough Sister, you know, that man's Bo...!

# Oh, Bojangles of Harlem

# You dance such hot stuff

# Young folks love you in Harlem

# They say you've got stuff

# Tough guys rumba out of pool-rooms

# And kids start trucking out of school-rooms

# Oh, Bojangles of Harlem

# The whole town's at your heels!

# Leaving their flats, Missing their meals

# Running like rats Going astray!

# Throw those long legs AW-AAY ! #

APPLAUSE

Have you seen Mr John Garnett?

-You mean Lucky?

-No, I mean John.

No, I haven't... Either one of them.

Hello, fellows.

You don't wanna, er...?

No.

Clever!

Well, well, well, sit down!

Have a drink! Enjoy yourself!

-So you do card tricks?

-Sure!

I used to make my living this way.

Lucky? John? I don't know where he is.

I'll just wait for him.

Alright. Make yourself comfortable.

-There she is.

-I'll tell you where it is.

-No, you could not ?!

Can he shuffle!

Ace of spades!

Outside, sister. Come ON !

-Well, thanks, fellas! Where's Penny?

-In her room.

YOU'RE staying here!

-What's up, Dice?

-I've come to play you for the orchestra.

-Oh?

-Yes. When we high-carded, I thought the game was on the level.

It WAS !

What about this guy? Seems like he knows a lot about handling cards.

-That game was on the level!

-No, it wasn't.

He pulled a cold deck on you and I palmed the ace of spades on him.

So it was a nice, friendly little game... Okay, Dice.

-We'll use my deck.

-I'll shuffle.

Lucky, don't be a sucker!

Ten of diamonds.

King of clubs.

Okay. Simpson, give him the contract.

Come over any time and listen to Romero - free!

John! Where have you been? I thought you were WONDERFUL !

Thanks, Margaret. Glad to see you.

Lucky! Hurry, we've got to do the dance.

There isn't going to BE any dance.

No dance?

Lucky lost the orchestra to Raymond.

But Lucky, you said you wouldn't gamble any more!

You promised!

-You said he wouldn't gamble any more because he'd have to marry...

-Penny!

-This is Miss Watson, my fiancee.

-How do you do?

Hello.

Well...why don't you laugh?

It's all so very funny...

-I don't see anything funny.

-I do.

-John, dear, I...

-Margaret, I've got so many things to straighten out.

-Can I call you at your hotel tomorrow?

-Of course. Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Oh, Lucky, please don't feel bad.

You've still got me.

Of course I ain't a young and pretty girl.

I ain't even a girl...but I'll stick. I'll never leave you.

Penny.

Oh, hello.

You can be the first to congratulate us.

I'd like to talk to Penny, please.

Alright, if you want to. But it won't do you any good.

-Rikki, please.

-I'll wait in the car.

Yes?

-I'm sorry, Penny.

-I'm sorry too.

-I've been trying to figure it out and I...

-It's all decided now.

For always?

Yes. I'm going to marry Rikki when he takes the band to Bermuda in the spring.

I'm sorry I lost my temper a while ago.

-You had every right to.

-Oh, no, I hadn't. No right at all.

-I thought you had.

Goodbye.

Oh, Penny...

Oh, never mind.

I just wanted to wish you good luck...and all that.

And all what?

Whatever you want.

-Does she dance very beautifully?

-Who?

The girl you're in love with.

Yes...very.

The girl you're engaged to... The girl you're going to marry.

Oh, I don't know.

I've danced with you... I'm never gonna dance again.

-#

-Though...I'm left without a penny, the wolf was discreet

-#

-He left me my feet, and so...

-#

-I'll put them down on anything, But the la belle,

-#

-La perfectly swell romance

-#

-Never gonna dance Never gonna dance

-#

-Only gonna love Never gonna dance

-#

-Have I a heart that acts like a heart?

-#

-Or is it a crazy drum...

-#

-Beating the weird tattoos

-#

-Of the St Louis Blues?

-#

-Have I two eyes To see your two eyes

-#

-Or see myself on my toes

-#

-Dancing to radios

-#

-For Major Edward Bowes?

-#

-Though...I'm left without a penny, the wolf was discreet

-#

-He left me my feet and so...

-#

-I put them down on anything But the la belle... The perfectly swell romance

-#

-Never gonna dance Never gonna dance

-#

-Only gonna love Never gonna dance

-#

-I'll put my shoes on beautiful trees, I'll give my rhythm back to the breeze

-#

-My dinner clothes may dine where they please For all I really want is you

-#

-To Groucho Marx I give my cravat To Harpo goes my shiny silk hat

-#

-And to heaven I give a vow to adore you

-#

-I'm starting now to be much - more - positive...

-#

-That...

-#

-Tho-ough...

-#

-I'm left without my penny, the wolf was not smart

-#

-He left me my heart

-#

-And so-o...

-#

-I cannot go for anything but the la belle

-#

-La perfectly swell romance

-#

-Never gonna dance Never gonna dance

-#

-Only gonna love YO-OU...

-#

-Never gonna dance.

-#

Will that be all, miss?

I think so, yes.

May I come in?

Oh...hello, John...dear.

Hello.

I didn't expect you. Please come in.

Er, won't you sit down?

Thank you.

I'm so glad you've come, John. I've been so worried.

Margaret, there's something I must tell you. Oh-h...

Oh, you poor boy.

John, I don't want to add to your worries, but...

-I've got to tell you that...

-Please, let me first. You see...

Oh, I don't know how to say it.

John, read this note. It explains everything.

I'm going back home tonight and...

Don't read it till after I've gone.

You can't go until you know how I feel.

I know how you feel, but...

-Margaret!

-I'm sorry.

-Do you mean this?

-Yes, John. I can't marry you.

-You... You DON'T love me?

-No. I'm sorry.

-Gee, that's SWELL !

-Swell?

I mean...who are you gonna marry?

It's in there.

Oh, Charlie Shaw! Well, I never! We used to call him Goofy Shaw!

-He isn't goofy any more.

-Of course not.

-I've known him longer than you...

-Why didn't you tell me last night?

-I wanted to, but you seemed to be in trouble.

-I was.

-I didn't want to add to it.

-Well, YOU were the trouble.

-I?

Yes. I'm in love with that girl you saw.

-That goofy girl?

-Yes... She's not goofy!

-Was she angry at you because of me?

-Why, yes!

HEARTY LAUGHTER

-What are YOU laughing at?

-I don't know.

-What's the joke then?

-We've...

-thrown each other over!

I know just how you feel. I've been divorced a couple of times myself!

-I'm glad you can take it!

-Oh, I can!

Because Penny and Romero are getting married this afternoon.

What ?!

Yes, laugh THAT one off!

MABEL CHUCKLES

Now do you think you can tell me?

No...!

How did he look when you told him I was getting married?

Did his face fall?

Yes... I stopped looking when his chin passed his arches!

I only heard them say that she had broken off her engagement with him.

Shut up! I'm going to marry Rikki.

It's just as I told you, gentlemen.

-Mr Romero ain't seein' nobody. He is gettin' married.

-Oh? He's getting married (!)

-Oh, IS he? Of COURSE, he can't see anybody!

-I should say not...!

-Hello, Rikki!

-Hello!

Hello.

Perhaps you should call ME "Lucky" today?

Your clothes are on the boat now.

< It will be a WONDERFUL wedding. Raymond's lent the entire place.

My own orchestra are going to play.

I made an arrangement of the Wedding March myself, and we have special guests...

-What are you laughing at?

-Those trousers!

What's wrong with them?

No...no CUFFS !

-What are you doing here?

-I...I...

-You came to laugh at my wedding!

-No! I'm laughing because there isn't going to BE any wedding!

-Yes, there is.

-No, there isn't!

You wait here.

Look!

There you are! Where are my pants?

What about the wedding?

There isn't going to BE any wedding!

Oh. Then you're going to marry him?

Yes... I guess so.

Well...

# You're still Lucky...

-#

-A fine romance

-#

-Don't he look ducky?

# So boys, we'll cheer that guy and the redhead with him

# If you can keep from losing your sense of rhythm

-TOGETHER: #

-Lucky, never, never change

-#

-We two, darling, we'll go places

-#

-Goodbye quarters, goodbye aces

-#

-Keep that breathless charm Won't you please arrange it

-#

-Remember how my arms hold you...

-#

-I love you just the way you look tonight...

-#

-This is a fine ro-MANCE...!

-#

Subtitles by Gillian Spence BBC Scotland 1987