The Prince and Me

Surprise!

Thanks for helping out this summer. Have a great year at school, Paige.

TYRES SCREECH

REVVING

-Where's the Lamborghini?

-I got bored with the Lamborghini. Ready to lose?

-I've won Grand Prix. What have YOU won?

-Nothing.

-You're gonna beat me in your mummy's limo?

-To be correct, Mr Irvine,

my mummy's limo to which I've made modifications. So be very afraid.

Not half as afraid as you'll be when Mummy finds out!

LAUGHTER

Hey! How was it?

Oh, it was great. They had a going-away Danish for me.

As soon as I blew out the candles,

Ray came in with this huge bloody gash on his forehead.

He tried to give himself a haircut. They let me stitch it up.

-Time check?

-9.45.

Racers ready.

Go.

HORN BLARES

Hi.

No!

SCREAMING

Hi.

Great dress.

Good race, Your Highness!

Not how I wanted to win. You lifted your foot off at the end.

No. You did great.

GIGGLING

BOUNCY FOLK MUSIC

-And then there were two.

-It's not that bad.

No. They seem really happy. I just remember we used to talk

about getting out there and following our dreams.

There's a whole world out there to see.

You, too. We're the last hold-outs.

Todd and I are engaged.

Don't hate me.

That's great! Why would I hate you? No!

Oh, thanks.

Ohhh!

-OK, ladies!

-Oh, look, Betty's throwing the bouquet!

Are you ready, ladies?

One...

two...

three!

SQUEALING

He is late every time.

Yes.

Edward!

CANE RAPS ON FLOOR

His Majesty, the King. Her Majesty, the Queen.

His Royal Highness, the Crown Prince.

Her Royal Highness, Princess Arabella.

Here we are.

-Hope to see you at Thanksgiving.

-All right. I love you, Dad.

-Bye, sweetheart.

-Bye. Thanks.

Hello!

-Paige, hey.

-How's it going?

How excited are you to be back?

This year we do the dishes every three weeks if we need to or not.

And by we, I mean you.

Look what my dad hooked me up with.

Yeah. He may be totally inaccessible emotionally,

but he installs some really cool crap.

Enjoy it. I'll be lucky if I'm ever home.

I've got a 5-hour chem lab, med school applications...

Before you start saving the world,

you could come to the wrap with me, Stacey and Amanda.

GIRLISH CHATTER

Me and the other tour leaders are fed up with these rich, snotty kids

and all their complaining,

so one night in Rome we go to this bar,

and... I kind of...

-What're you talking about?

-Our love for older virile men like yourself.

A few more of these and I'll be the best-looking guy you see in here.

-Then take Stacey's away!

-Oh, yes, please!

-Paige, you want back on the work rotation?

-Yeah, definitely.

-How's tomorrow?

-How's Thursday?

-How's tomorrow?

-Tomorrow it is.

-This round's on me.

-ALL: Thanks!

Cheers!

I can't believe you got to see all of Europe.

Sometimes I wish I could fast-forward through the next five years.

I hate when she talks about her life plan. It makes me feel so unfocused.

I'm a senior, and I've changed my major six times.

-I don't even have a major!

-By the time you get one,

-Paige will be done with Johns Hopkins.

-If I get in.

ALL: You'll get in. Not after this semester.

I have to take Shakespeare. Some stupid humanities requirement.

That's it. Next time you talk about work, you have to do a shot.

-Shakespeare is so useless.

-Stop!

-OK, you guys, I need this.

-Hey!

-Here you go.

No! Come on!

Yeah, definitely.

-What is this?

-Drink it!

Cheers.

Cheers.

LAUGHTER

Oh, I hate you guys!

-Did you read all the prepared materials?

-Of course.

Edward, one day you will be the 51st ruler

of the longest continuous monarchy in history.

-I know, Father.

-The monarchy requires the participation of the King in government.

So if I ask you if you're prepared, it's not an insignificant question.

I'm prepared, OK?

His Majesty, the King.

And his Royal Highness, the Crown Prince.

-Your Majesty?

-I'm all right.

-Prime Minister.

-Your Royal Highness.

OK, ladies and gentlemen, let's get started.

A 6% pay increase is the least the national unions will accept!

-That's unconscionable.

-If we can't agree here, how can we get the two sides together?

-This is blackmail.

-All right. We'll have to make other concessions.

Is there no end to workers' demands?

The government must refuse to give in to the unions at all costs.

Thomas, they are serious about the deadline. Without concessions they will strike.

That would be disastrous for our economy.

Edward, we'd all like to know what you think.

Sorry? What was the question?

I was, um... I was busy.

I see.

Why does Father insist I go with him? I detest those meetings.

Yes, sir. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that, er,

-you're going to be King some day.

-Don't remind me.

You're very lucky you're not me, I'll tell you.

If you want to change places, sir, call me day or night.

TV IS ON

My mother's gonna go crazy when she finds out what happened today.

It's a speech I don't want to hear.

I need to get out of Denmark, Soren. I need to clear my head.

Oh, yes? And where would you like to clear your head this time, sir?

The slopes are open in San Moritz. Monte Carlo has a new casino.

Dropping a few hundred thousand krona has always worked miracles.

Warning - the following commercial...

Wait! No time for that. Watch this!

Desperate Dan takes you to America's heartland with Wild College Girls!

The Girls of Wisconsin!

-Wisconsin?

-Yes.

-Why there, son?

..because I've never spent much time in America before,

and I'd rather go to the heart of the country

where I can... meet ordinary Americans.

Plus there's a well-respected university

with a wide variety of extracurricular activities.

-COUGHS

-This is absurd!

It's an opportunity to find myself.

Oh, Edward, please!

This is just another in a series of escapades.

Which, by the way, we finance.

Ending up with you in some tabloid,

embarrassing us and forcing you to hide yourself

until you convince us you have to go and find yourself again!

If I'm an embarrassment, maybe you should cut me off.

What are you saying?

I'm going, and I neither require your money nor your permission.

Edward?!

I will do this on my own, Mother!

Let him go.

We've tried everything else and it hasn't worked.

Frankly it's encouraging he even wants to try.

Soren?

You will go with him.

Me, Your Majesty?

On my own?

Surely there's a caretaker better suited than...

I will arrange for our departure.

Hey!

Look at them all, Soren.

Thousands of crazy college girls getting drunk and taking their tops off every night.

Yes, sir. What a treat that it's happening in America's dairy land.

Breeding ground of the coronary bypass patients of the world.

Look at her!

-Your parents are expecting you to attend classes, sir.

-Yes, I know.

Soren, from this point on

I do not want you to address me as Your Royal Highness.

You will address me as...

Eddie.

Yes, Eddie.

The last thing I need is the press all over me.

-I think it's going to be fun.

-I'm having a wonderful time already.

Are you unhappy, Soren?

-What gave me away, sir?

-I don't know. Your expression never changes.

Do you even know HOW to smile?

Yes.

LIVELY BUZZ OF TALK AND THUMPING MUSIC

Soren, this is us.

Good heavens.

I thought you had to commit a crime before you lived somewhere like this.

SQUEAKING

It's not that bad.

We haven't seen the rest of it yet.

Apparently, THIS is the rest of it.

Well, I like it. And I'll even let you have first choice of beds.

Oh, heavens!

Which stained mattress shall I choose?

< SNORTING

You're the new guys?

I'm Scotty.

All right. All my food's labelled, so I'll know if you ate anything.

I'm allergic to dairy, shellfish, red meat, melon, nuts and kiwi.

So don't bring any of that stuff around here.

The Xbox is off limits.

If you screw up any of my high scores

I'll blind you with my laser pointer.

Ah, now this...is the real university life I was talking about.

Here is the typical college student.

Absolutely, sir.

I can't wait to raucously cheer on the fellows of the football team

as they challenge the Gophers, our hated rivals who hail from a place called Minnesota.

Minnesota sucks! Wisconsin rules! CHEERING

No.

Ah, waitress. Menu, please.

I'm not a waitress, there's no menu and the kitchen's closed.

Then what can you offer us?

I can offer you beer and pretzels, my fine fellow, at the olde pub yonder!

Shall I go to the bar, sir?

Yes. Um...two of these. Two beers.

Here I go.

Would you like another, sir?

Yes. I'll get these.

Thank you very much, sir.

Hello again.

What can I get you?

Can you recommend something better than what we've been drinking?

For the discerning out-of-towner like yourself, I recommend Leinenkugels.

You can really taste the extra ten cents.

Yes, by all means. Two, please.

You know, if we were in Germany right now, we'd be underground.

-What?

-Keller means basement.

OK.

I should know better than to flirt in German.

Perhaps.

-It's not a very attractive language, is it?

-No.

I'm Eddie.

Paige.

So, will you take your top off for me?

-What?

-Like Wild College Girls.

Just a quick look. No-one's watching.

Time to go. Now!

-Let's just calm down.

-YOU calm down.

OVERLAPPING

Science is a neverending quest.

For anyone planning a future in science,

an open mind is a must.

Grading is as follows -

40% procedure,

50% lab work,

and ten...

May I help you?

Yes. I believe I'm signed up for this class.

Mr Williams.

Next time be here by 8.20 or you'll be locked out.

And what about you? I'm talking to you, sir.

I'm...

-auditing.

-Not this class. Too small. Take a seat, Mr Williams.

As I was saying, 40% procedure,

-50% lab work...

-WHISPERS

Just wait outside.

If this is a lovers' thing, could you take it in the hall?

Go.

My sincerest apologies.

Oh, please, proceed.

And 10%...attendance.

You will find a list in front of you

of your supplies and the experiment you will be conducting.

Now I want you to turn to the person next to you and introduce yourself.

Congratulations. You've just said hello to your permanent lab partner.

Hey! Hey!

You forgot your supply list.

Oh, is that right? Thank you.

Listen. What's your name again?

-Eddie.

-This class is really important to me

because I need it to get me into med school.

I can't afford to have you screw things up for me, OK?

It's very important to me as well.

I-I love organic chemistry.

I've just discovered that large amounts of alcohol mixed with a carbon-based life form

causes the life form to say stupid things.

So...apologies for the other night. I was just having some fun.

Right. I love being made to feel like a brainless slut by some sloppy lush.

Thanks.

I have learned me to repent the sin of disobedient opposition.

To you in your behest I am enjoined and beg your pardon.

Is he drunk now?

It's a play. Romeo And Juliet.

Shakespeare?

This is gonna be a fun semester!

Don't forget your half of supplies next time.

You'd think that after spraying somebody with soda, he'd get the message to stay away.

Well...

I think he's pretty hot.

Hot? Beth, he is so affected.

He was quoting Shakespeare, like some Shakespearean duke guy.

I hate phonies like that.

So you wouldn't take him up to the stacks?

A) Going at it in the dusty stacks of the library is fairly disgusting.

B) You say that about every hot guy!

-So you admit he's hot?

-I'm done having this conversation. I need to focus on my applications.

What's with his weird friend who's always hanging around?

One partner is monitoring temperature and flow,

while the other pours the hydrochloric acid into the funnel.

Now...

carefully turn the stopcock,

to allow some of the solution to flow into the round-bottomed flask.

Start over again.

KNOCKS

Where is he?

You're still in bed?!

Good morning, miss. Care for some breakfast?

I looked like an idiot because my lab partner didn't show!

-Was that this morning?

-Yes! I know exactly who you are.

-You do?

A rich kid who sees college as a detour on the way to an easy life.

-No character, no accomplishments, just a royal pain in the ass!

-Wrong.

Unlike people who are given everything,

I have to earn what I get. In a meritocracy people rise and fall based on how hard they work.

-More hollandaise, Eddie?

-Thank you.

You're making eggs Benedict on a hotplate in a dorm room?

Yes, a typical student breakfast. Would you care to join us?

No, thank you.

So, um, where's your statue?

What statue?

Someone so righteous must have a statue of themselves.

There's a difference between being righteous and right. Put a shirt on!

To be a doctor you have to get used to naked men.

Dude! Dude, there's a chick in our room!

-Just drop the class.

-No.

Then be there and be prepared.

-She meant those things, right?

-Yes, she did seem rather upset, sir.

Though regardless, I don't see why you would care.

Do enjoy the eggs, sir. They were bought with the last of your money.

-We have some left?

-What you came with is gone.

You get a pay cheque, don't you?

Hey, you cheap...!

Skills - polo, fencing.

Speak - French, English, German, Dutch, Danish and Flemish.

Flemish? Is there a country called Flem?

Look, that's all great, but it doesn't mean crap to me.

-I need someone with work experience.

-I really need the employment.

-Please.

-There are a lotta students who want to work.

I have the highest recommendation.

-Hey, Paige.

-Hi.

Are you deliberately trying to make my life miserable?

No, I'm manning the deli in case a fellow student wants a sandwich.

-Stu, did you hire this guy?

-Yeah. He came highly recommended.

-By whom?

-You.

-What would you like?

-A turkey sandwich.

-Paige, Eddie's your boy.

You're in charge of him.

It seems we're out of turkey today.

Dude, there's, like, ten turkey things in there.

Did Johns Hopkins send you to see if I could handle the pressure?

Because I'm starting to crack.

-Who's in charge of carving?

-Use the slicer!

-What's that?

-You used me as a reference.

-Yes. Despite what you think, I do need this job.

-I've no money.

-You have a personal egg poacher.

-No. He's just a student.

What's he studying, how to be a 30-year-old junior? Try the 'on' button.

Look, Paige, you were right about my parents back in Denmark.

They are wealthy. But I've cut myself off from them.

Dude?

Just one minute!

Listen, Paige, I realise I've taken advantage of you,

but just give me a chance and, if I cause any problems, I'll quit.

OK.

Your right hand goes on the handle.

Slowly slide the meat back and forth.

Unless you want a turkey thumb sandwich, don't put your hand anywhere near the blade, OK?

Slowly, slowly.

Right. OK, nice and smooth.

That's enough.

Here, Paige, it's your turn tonight.

OK.

# Well, I hope that I don't fall in love with you

# Falling in love just makes me blue

# Well, the music plays and you display your heart for me to see

# I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me

# And I hope that I don't fall in love with you

# Well, the night does funny things inside a man

# These old tomcat feelings you don't understand... #

Hey, kids?

I need you to go outside and hose down the mats.

# I wish I had the guts to bum one but we've never met

# And I think that I just fell in love with you. #

Sure you don't want me to give you a hand, son?

No, I'm fine.

Hey.

-You did OK in there.

-You can't be serious, can you?

By OK I mean spilling a ton of beer and screwing up everyone's order.

Yeah.

No, you'll be fine.

Um, you know, this Saturday evening

there's a dorm party at hall. A gathering.

I was wondering if you'd like to accompany me.

Accompany you?

Yes. How do you say it colloquially?

Yo, dog, there's a mad party kicking at my crib if you want to...

roll down there with me.

That was sad. Don't ever do that again.

Yes. I really hurt my finger.

So would you like to come?

I...

I'm actually kinda busy.

Oh, dear.

-What?

-I believe you just got rejected, sir.

I don't think that's ever happened to me before.

You were never attracted to anyone who didn't know you were a prince before.

I wouldn't get worked up over it.

The chances of a relationship are not promising.

You two are of a different calibre.

Just because she isn't royalty doesn't mean she's not important.

The higher calibre I was referring to, sir...was hers.

What?

Miss.

FAINT VOICES

Thank you, Doctor.

I promised I'd go.

Are you feeling ill, Daddy?

There's nothing to worry about, my darling.

Yes, Arabella, you shouldn't worry.

-Just a little flu.

-Ma'am, it's time for His Majesty to be going.

Sweetie?

So what would you like to do today?

-Um,

-horse riding. Good idea.

Duty calls.

Positive for ketone.

Mr Williams.

Please, do something!

The other day when you quoted Romeo and Juliet?

-Yes.

-Well, it's funny,

cos I'm actually taking a Shakespeare class myself. I'm not struggling.

I'm actually being graded unfairly.

-But since you seem...

-Well versed.

Yeah.

-I was hoping maybe you could...

-Help you.

I don't need help.

Oh, OK. It sounded like you needed help, that's all.

Forget it.

Yeah, OK, I need help.

I'll help you. It's not a problem.

Only, um...

I may need some help of my own first.

'Pour the bleach like this...'

-..and do not spill.

-You can't believe I've never done laundry before, can you?

Yeah, it's a real leap(!)

Cold.

Warm.

Cold, cold.

It's so confusing. How do you know what goes in which pile?

It's a gift. You could say I'm the Rain Man of laundry.

OK. Now it's my turn.

Did King Lear,

now we're on sonnets, next it's Hamlet,

about a whiny prince from Denmark. What is that to do with reality?

-More than you think!

-Do you have princes in Denmark?

-Yes, I think we do.

-Beth read it and says he's a total loser.

Tell Beth the prince was young and scared

and wasn't ready for the hard choices he had to make.

It's not easy facing that kind of pressure.

Right. Sonnets, you say.

"O, me...

"what eyes hath love put in my head,

"which have no correspondence with true sight.

"Or if they have, where is my judgement fled,

"that censures falsely what they see aright?"

-It's beautiful.

-It's gibberish. I have no idea what he's saying.

He's saying that love is magical

and makes people look at each other in an unspoilt way,

without judgement.

Why doesn't he say that? Why can't people just say what they mean?

People rarely say what they mean.

That's the interesting part.

It's what's going on underneath the surface.

Take line 12.

"The sun itself sees not till heaven clears."

What does that mean to you?

-That...the sun can't shine when it's cloudy.

-You're being too literal.

Don't just go for the obvious. These words have multiple meanings,

and you have to explore the possibilities and make your choice.

Like the word "sun". That could mean the actual sun,

or it can mean light.

But light can mean... knowledge or reason.

-That could go on for ever!

-Yes. Yes, it could.

But I think in this case it means reason.

And then "heaven" may refer to the pearly gates,

or it could mean a state of being.

Being happy, or in love.

So now read it again taking in all the possibilities,

and, um...tell me what you think it means.

"The sun itself sees not till heaven clears."

I guess...

it means that love blinds you, and...

when you're in love you can't think reasonably.

Do you agree?

Yeah.

I mean, it's just a poem.

Yeah, it's just a poem.

Will the union strike throw the country into recession?

That's something we're striving to avoid.

OVERLAPPING QUESTIONS

It's a question...

Another boring photo opportunity

of an old guy answering the same old questions.

-Where's Edward?

-He was always good for a disaster every few months.

I've got to find him.

Eddie!

Hey.

Look! It's my Shakespeare midterm.

A-!

That's brilliant. That's really, really good.

-Well done.

-Thank you for helping me.

It's OK.

I did even better on my chemistry.

That's good.

That's really good.

How'd you do?

How did I do? Um...

A-.

Three grades.

-D-?

-It doesn't matter.

-Sure it does!

You can do better. I know you can.

Oh!

And give up a brilliant career in the food service industry?

Whoops.

Eddie, do you have any plans for Thanksgiving?

No. No, um... I'll be here.

Um...have a good vacation.

Yes. You, too.

I can't believe you! You should've invited him home with you.

What? No! That would be so weird.

Then you won't mind if I invite him back to Milwaukee with me?

No! No, of course not. Why would I mind?

I don't know.

Hey, Eddie, since you don't have any other plans, I was wondering...

Do you want to spend Thanksgiving with my family?

Yes. That'd be nice.

-Thank you.

-Sure!

-I think I should come with you, sir.

-Oh, no. Not this time.

-The thing is, you'll be on your own.

-I'll manage.

Later, dudes!

-Sir, it's my duty to look after you at all times.

-I'll be fine.

-With respect, sir, that's not for you to decide.

-Yes, it is!

What am I going to do here for five days?

I don't know. Just sight-see, relax.

Soren, you'll be fine, OK?

MUSIC BLARES

Hey!

Hi, sweetie. It's good to have you home.

-Hi, Dad.

-Hi, girl.

-This is Eddie.

Eddie, my mom and dad.

Oh, we're so glad you could join us!

The only college friends of Paige's we've met have been girls.

I was glad to be invited.

-Hi, Eddie, I'm Ben.

-Ben, hello.

Hey, Doc Paige!

Farmer John!

-Hey.

-Hey. Mike, you look great.

Michaela's got me on Slimfast.

-I lost 15.

-You put five back on today at Rocky Rococo's!

-Boys!

-Who's this guy?

-Eddie's an exchange student from Denmark.

He's just a friend.

-Hello.

-LOUDLY:

-Welcome to our home!

Thank you.

He speaks better English than YOU do!

Anyway, uh...

Pops, we'll see you in the morning. Hey, we're watching you, Frenchie.

Come on into the house.

You can ignore the moron twins.

OK.

This is it.

-You can put 'em right here.

-Right.

Thanks.

What are all the pins for?

The few red ones are where I've been and the greens are where I wanna go.

Ecuador,

Salvador...

Not exactly tourist destinations.

No, but they're all the places that Doctors Without Borders

bring medical care and vaccinations and clean drinking water. What?

Nothing.

I've never met someone who makes me feel so intimidated.

And I've met my fair share of intimidating people.

I'm not intimidating. Look at me.

That's pretty intimidating as well.

I'm not the only one with goals. What do YOU want to do?

I don't have any choice. I have to...take over the family business.

-No choice at all?

-No.

SQUEAK Careful, you're crushing Gus.

-Oh, Gus.

-Yes, Gus. He's a very good watchmoose.

Never was I attacked by a monster under my bed

or by something scary in the closet. Right, Gus?

-Yes, that's right.

-Hello, Gus. Nice to meet you.

Very pleased to meet you as well.

I like you like this.

Like what?

I don't know. Just... Just like this.

Just Paige.

Eddie, we got John's room for you. It's just down the hall,

across from our room. We sleep with the door open.

Thanks, Dad!

So would you like to see how things work here, maybe help out tomorrow?

-No, I don't think that's a good idea.

-Why not?

-Yes, why not?

-OK, go ahead and help out. I'm gonna enjoy this.

-Come on, let's get you settled in.

Stop!

Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

-Nicely done with the milking.

-You got a new best friend in Bessie.

Hey, shall we get some dinner?

What are those?

They're lawnmowers.

Lawn mowers? Really?

Yeah.

Uh-uh! Hey!

Actually, we, uh, we race these. It's a huge sport around here.

Really? Do you mind if I have a look?

Be our guest. Take a look at this one. This is my baby.

Right.

-I just put a new flywheel in there.

-Yes, I see.

No matter how dirty he races, no way is Keith Kopetsky taking the trophy again this year.

-How fast do these things go?

-We clocked it at 52.

I can make it faster.

OK, come on, let's go.

What?

You don't believe me?

I can.

LOUD CHATTER

-GASPS

-You OK?

OVERLAPPING

-Milk?

-No, I won't be drinking much milk in the near future.

LAUGHTER

-Great turkey.

-Don't eat too much. We got some feeding to do later.

I don't want you boys in a turkey coma.

-More work?

-Yeah, 24 hours a day.

-Really?

-If you don't milk 'em, the cows' udders explode.

No!

-It happened at Frank Monahan's.

-Did you see it happen?

-No.

-You are so bad.

-We gotta work twice as hard as the corporate-owned farms

just to stay afloat. The family farm will be extinct in 20 years.

-Dad, not right now.

-No, I'm interested.

We're all interdependent.

If somebody loses, eventually we'll all lose.

-What?

-Nothing.

-Thanks, Dad.

-So, um, Eddie,

what's up with you and my sister?

Johnny?!

Paige, someone had to ask.

He's too good-looking.

-Yeah.

-You're too good-looking.

-I'm not that good-looking.

-I'd say he is.

Pretty good-looking.

Guys!

With the accent and your Euro charm, lethal combination.

-Everyone stop, please!

-You don't know this guy.

I've never heard of anyone from Denmark. Have you?

Yeah, sure!

Eddie?

Um, Kirkegaard, Nils Bor, Hans Christian Andersen.

Wow!

Um, Lars Ulrich.

-From Metallica?

-From Metallica.

Get out!

-And Helena Christensen.

-The Victoria's Secret model?

-That's the coolest country in the world.

-You should be a superpower.

LAUGHTER

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the county fairground!

A beautiful day for racing and the tenth annual Mad Mower Derby!

Give 'em a hand. We've got the seniors class, we've got machines up to 15 horsepower.

They'll be blasting by at 12mph, so hang on to your hats!

Let me hear it when they come past the stands.

Look at 'em go round that corner!

Come on, come on!

Check it out. Kopetsky.

-Whassup, Keith?

-What the hell'd you do to that thing?

I bumped up the compression and a few other little modifications.

THROATY ROAR

ANSWERING ROAR

All right, one lap to go, folks. Let 'em hear it now.

The last of the five laps.

INDISTINCT

..Mr Petersen!

-Go, Mr Pigersen!

-Mr Pigersen?

-He's so damn rude!

-Your brothers seem to like him.

-Mom!

-I like him too.

-Yeah, I get that.

I really can't afford any distractions right now.

Chemistry isn't just in a class, kiddo.

And you guys have it.

Right. Then I fool myself into thinking he's Prince Charming.

We marry and live happily ever after. All my hard work goes down the drain

because I'm too busy shopping for groceries

and picking my kids up at soccer.

Sweetie, it really wasn't as bad as all that.

-I didn't mean it that way.

-I know.

But we're not talking about me.

I made my choice.

This is about you making the right choice for you.

-OK, we're getting ready for the super-modified class.

-Your brothers are getting out there.

-We have a Le Mans-style start. The engines will be...

-INDISTINCT

Go, idiots!

..Start the mowers and start racing.

This one's for all the Myrtles.

And they've set themselves up on the line now.

Boys, you've waited all summer for this. They're champing at the bit.

All set. Listen for the gun to start it off.

-SNIGGERS

-Shut up!

-GUN FIRES

-And they're off!

Hey!

INDISTINCT COMMENTARY

They're firing the machines up.

Number 5 is off.

As they head into the first turn, Kopetsky on number 8 is in the lead.

..But he's got a long way to go.

Go, go, go!

The Morgan brothers are challenging Kopetsky.

Get off my tail!

He's catching up.

He's moving off nicely, and he's putting on some real speed, but he's way behind.

Mike Morgan is going after Kopetsky.

He pushed him off the track!

-INDISTINCT EXCLAMATIONS

-Can't complain there, Kopetsky.

..See if he can snatch the lead away from Kopetsky.

Eddie!

..On number 9... This could be a three-way race.

Kopetsky is trying to hold him off.

He's trying to go on the outside, now the inside.

Kopetsky will have none of it.

One lap to go!

Go, go, go!

Kopetsky on the inside. He's trying to hold him off.

Watch out for him!

It's Kopetsky and Williams now.

WHOOPING

YELLING

That's great.

-Stupid!

-He said it was full of marbles. I won them, I'm keeping them.

-Hey, you!

-Fine race, sir.

Hey!

Right. I'm gonna kick your arse.

Try it.

THUMPING

Mike!

Hey, John, stop!

-Are you OK?

-Yes.

Come over here.

I still think we should've stopped at that biker bar.

Shown 'em your hog.

Why? Are we trying to set some kind of record

of how many times I can get beaten up in one night?

If we were fencing he would've been in serious trouble.

He still would've punched you.

Sorry.

I think that people around here are getting the wrong idea about you and me.

What idea is that?

That we're...involved.

Which we're not.

No.

Definitely not.

Because you hate me.

Yes. Very much.

What's wrong?

Nothing. No. Absolutely nothing.

Which is why I'm going to walk you to your door...

and bid you good night.

Whoa!

He's been like this since yesterday.

Whoa!

-Give it back!

-Back off, Clearasil!

-Stop.

-YOU stop.

I'm studying.

Eddie, finals are coming up. We need to be serious.

I am serious. OK. I'll study.

OK.

Sod off!

Ow!

I've read the same sentence 15 times!

Come with me.

What's her name?

Prince Edward, is this what you've been doing with your time?

-Go on, hurry!

-Prince Edward!

-Hurry!

Your Highness!

Look over here, Prince Edward!

Go downstairs!

Prince Edward! What's her name?

-Hurry!

-I think we have him.

-Why were they calling you Prince Edward?

-Cos that's my name.

What?! You're a prince and that's why they were taking photos?

Yes.

Are there a lot of princes where you're from, or are you kind of it?

I'm it.

-You're freezing...

-You lied to me!

I didn't! I...just didn't want to be Prince Edward for once in my life.

I never should've started this.

You were exactly the kind of distraction I wanted to avoid.

Are those pictures gonna be in the newspaper?

Yes. Lots of them.

-You sure?

-Yes.

This isn't my first indiscretion.

I...I'm sorry.

-Paige, wait.

-Stay away from me.

-I love you.

You love me?! Why should I believe that? You were just pretending.

-No, I wasn't pretending!

-No,

-I

-wasn't pretending!

# I wanna be a man of the world BEEPING

# Blood in my veins and a hurt in my heart

# Out in the street with the noise and the dirt

# And the one still looking for a brand-new start

PAPARAZZI YELL EXCITEDLY # Oh I've been sleeping far too long

# Hiding out in a palace of gold

# Show me one thing before I'm gone

# It can't be bought It can't be sold

# Show me how to come alive

# Show me how to make you mine

# Cos if you'd only be my girl

# I could be a man of the world

# I could be a man of the world. #

-PHONE RINGS

-Eddie, I think this may be for you.

-Hello?

-Soren, put Edward on the line.

One moment, Your Majesty.

-Hello?

-Edward.

-Hello, Mother.

Edward, you have to come home now.

For your father's sake. He's very ill.

'Lady Macbeth convinced him to kill Duncan,'

but he knew it was his fate long before that. You can't fight destiny.

What about circumstance?

Take Othello.

Was he fated to kill Desdemona, or did Iago create the circumstance?

I think it's both.

On the surface Iago is the bad guy, but if we look closer,

the crack Iago exploited was of Othello's own making.

-Still, Othello made choices.

-Bad ones.

Othello had love, but he chose not to listen to his heart.

Love doesn't come every day, and when it does you've got to grab it.

I mean, they could've lived happily ever after.

I know that's a corny schoolgirl fantasy,

but...what if the fantasy actually became true, and...

..what if there really is a handsome prince?

Miss Morgan...

He's a really good kisser, and...

-What if you know you're in love?

-Miss Morgan?

And everything you thought important doesn't matter,

because the important thing is to be with him.

Then it's not some silly fantasy, it's real!

I mean, don't you think those two people should be together?

-Yes.

-Yes.

Yes.

I do, too!

-Hi. Where's Eddie?

-Prince Ate-My- Triscuits-And-Didn't-Replace-'Em?

He left after his last final.

SOMEONE dropped that off for you.

Where are you going?

Denmark.

-Why?

-It's in the note.

"The sun itself sees not till heaven clears."

-Still not getting it, Paige.

-You've got to look underneath the surface.

So you're just gonna show up at some castle in Denmark and ask for Eddie?

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I've never felt this way before. My stomach is in knots.

-You're in love.

-I just know if I don't see him I'll spend the rest of my life wondering.

So... 310 on this one.

-60 on this one.

-137 on this one.

-700 on this one.

-What?

Dotty!

Thank you! SQUEALING

-What's that building over there?

-The old Stock Exchange. See on the roof?

That's dragons twisting their tails.

MUSIC SOUNDTRACK DROWNS SPEECH

CHEERING

TOOTS HORN

SPEAKS DANISH

-We're stuck here until it's over.

-Until what's over?

-The parade.

-Every time the royal family steps outside they close down half the city.

-Really?

It's OK, I'll get out here.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

God save the Queen!

Eddie!

-Eddie!

-Vi elsker dig!

Eddie! Eddie!

Eddie!

Eddie! Eddie!

-It's Paige Morgan!

-Paige Morgan!

Paige Morgan!

EXCITED VOICES

Hi.

It's Paige Morgan!

Paige Morgan!

Eddie!

Eddie!

HUGE CHEER

His Royal Highness, the Crown Prince Edward!

Just wait here.

I now proclaim this session of parliament open.

Let's go.

-Oh, no.

-What?

-You didn't tell me you lived with your parents.

Hi!

My word!

-Miss Paige.

-Soren!

Hugging the help! That'll fit in very well around here.

Right, I'll see you in a moment, and Soren will show you where to go.

May I?

Absolutely!

My pleasure.

This, er, is the south courtyard.

You of course came through the private gates.

Hi.

Miss Paige.

Hi.

GASPS

This is where we keep the mops.

-Absolutely not!

-We love each other and we will do as we please.

-When was it ever about love?

It has taken us a lot to get where we are.

It has taken you a lot to get to where you are?

It has taken us 1,200 years to get to where we are!

In a few weeks, you will be King. I will let nothing prevent that!

Certainly not some tawdry little affair

with a gold-digging American girl who dreams of becoming the next Princess Di.

Don't tell me how to live my life!

Edward, I am sure she has outstanding qualities.

But once the news of your father's illness becomes public,

the people will require reassurance.

And I will proudly ascend the throne.

-Good.

-When you allow me to choose my own bride.

Out of the question.

She is a commoner.

Then I hope you think that Arabella is fit to be Queen at the age of 12!

Oh, no, I'm forgetting about Nesta!

-Don't threaten us!

-Cousin Bartholomew's idiot son Nesta,

the 47-year-old virgin in diapers. The people will rejoice!

Enough!

Edward, you will be the next king of Denmark.

-Do you hear me?

-Yes, sir.

Now, about your young lady...

If you say you love her, as you do,

and you believe she will make you happy, then marry her.

Haraald, you can't mean that!

-Maybe this is not a good time to discuss...

-No, it's a perfect time.

At the end of a man's life

he realises how important his decisions were at the beginning.

In 1502, King Gustav IV fell, hit his head on a rock,

had his famous moment of enlightenment.

Claimed he saw God at the bottom of this lake.

He went charging off to the castle to tell everyone.

Unfortunately he was carrying a torch.

Curtains caught fire, burnt down half the palace. Thus,

observe the new wing.

He takes great pleasure in twisting my ancestors' history.

Today's been the most incredible day of my life.

Come with me.

I...have something important to tell you.

Yeah?

The reason I had to come back...

was because my father has decided to pass the crown to me.

So you're...gonna be King!

Yes.

I love you so much.

And I know the sacrifices you would have to make.

What are you doing?

Paige Morgan...

will you marry me?

Yes!

Good morning!

-Good morning, ma'am.

-Good morning.

Coffee?

Oh, I can get it myself if you show me where the kitchen is.

Or a Starbucks?

Um...

grande decaf non-fat latte?

Yes, madam.

Congratulations! You and Edward getting married.

It's so romantic.

-You must be Arabella.

-Call me Arry.

Isn't it wonderful? We're going to be sisters.

More hugging?

-Whatever will we do with you?

-Thank you.

-I thought we might run through your schedule.

-I have a schedule?

As of this morning you do.

Come on!

At 9am you have a groundbreaking with Edward.

Also attending is Countess Jurgen.

If you're facing her, the good eye's the left one. 10.15, photos,

holding hands with Edward on the royal yacht.

Opening of a Miro exhibit at the museum at noon. 12.40 is when you can call your parents.

Yes, er, one o'clock, luncheon with the Queen.

Deep breaths.

You'll get through this in spectacular fashion.

After all, that's what the people expect of our future queen.

Oh, my God.

What?

Queen! I mean, I knew it worked like that, but I hadn't thought about it.

Do you think people are gonna mind if I'm gonna be Queen and all I've seen is the airport?

No.

No.

Anna.

-Do you have a dress for Eddie's coronation ball yet?

-Um...no.

This is Marguerite. She can design anything you like - Chanel, Dior,

-Armani, Prada...

-Very nice to meet you.

Turn.

-Excuse me?

-Turn!

Come, ladies.

Long torso. Good figure.

Terrible American posture.

I don't work with hunchbacks.

-When is the wedding, Miss Morgan?

-ALL FIRE QUESTIONS

When these plants are completed, Denmark will lead Europe

in vegetable oil and specialty fat production.

LAUGHTER

Farm girl!

APPLAUSE

Where do the future king and queen go on their honeymoon?

-I was thinking Morocco.

-It's really hard to organise security there.

Oh, OK.

-What about Spain?

-Spain is good.

I'm sure King Juan Carlos won't mind lending us his private island

for a few weeks in the summer.

-It's hanging well in the front.

-Is this part supposed to be loose?

-She doesn't speak.

-At all?

-To YOU.

Oh. Well, is this part supposed to be loose?

It's been worn that way for 200 years.

MUSIC SOUNDTRACK DROWNS SPEECH

The opening of this new wing of the Dangaard Paediatric Hospital...

Where's Paige?

..commitment to...

There she is.

-I was just being nice to some kids.

-Which every paper reported.

-What's wrong with that?

-That you did it in a new, state-of-the-art

government-funded billion-krona hospital,

which suddenly all these newspapers have no interest in mentioning.

-Oh.

-We had an opportunity, on the eve of a national strike,

to show what the health care system can do.

Instead, all they know is that you like children.

I'm sorry. I'm trying.

It's gonna take a while to get the hang of things.

Being royal is not like being famous,

or rich. It is something much, much more.

It is a way of being that can only be learned from birth.

It is an embodiment,

which requires you to sacrifice who you are for who you must be.

Well, I'm Paige Morgan from Manitowoc, Wisconsin.

Paige Morgan can no longer exist. She is gone.

You are now the future queen of Denmark.

Plain and simple.

Excuse me, Your Majesty.

Your Royal Highness, it's time to leave.

Thank you, Soren.

His Royal Highness, the Crown Prince.

Prime Minister.

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

I've asked the lead negotiator for the national unions

-and lead negotiator for corporate interests to join us.

-Morning.

-I'm very pleased to meet you.

-Pleased to meet you.

Your Royal Highness,

I know your exposure to these proceedings has been limited...

I am well aware of the traditions and protocols of this chamber,

and while I respect them, we have six hours till all hell breaks loose

-so isn't the time for gamesmanship past?

-Yes, sir.

-Then we agree.

Please be seated.

And get comfortable.

We're not leaving till this is solved.

-Management could tighten their belts.

-OUR belts?

It might do you good to go without.

Our business is not charity!

-If we can't resolve wages, we could discuss concessions.

-NO concessions!

Take and take, and nothing in return!

-You are impossible!

-Gentlemen, this is not about us.

You know,

in America, I spent time with Paige's family on her farm.

And they explained something to me.

That we are all interdependent.

So we'd better start caring for our opposition as much as for ourselves.

I wonder if anyone here knows what it's like to work for a tiny wage?

And then to see that wage get sliced up even further by taxes.

I can tell you from experience, it can be a mighty struggle.

But then I suspect it would be more difficult

to see your job and your benefits disappear altogether.

At the moment,

we are 6% apart.

Correct? If the goal is to let the workers keep more

without damaging the corporation, perhaps there is a third path.

'He was brilliant!'

He got the unions to lower their demands

and the corporations to raise their offer,

-then got Parliament to cut taxes to pay for it.

-Impressive! OK.

-Am I supposed to be able to breathe?

-No.

Then it's perfect(!)

Miss Paige, the Queen would like to see you.

Don't worry, I'll be by your side the entire time.

Soren, get out.

-Yes, Your Majesty.

-Thanks(!)

My new babies.

My new hopefuls.

I know you think I don't like you.

I like traditions.

I like traditions, and I like consistency, continuity,

and I don't like change.

But...

when that change is for the better...

..when it helps turn a boy into a man,

then I have to reconsider.

Two weeks ago, I thought you were the end of the monarchy.

Now I see you may be the best thing that ever happened to us.

Thank you!

And now we have that settled,

we have to make you into the best queen

that Denmark has ever had.

Come with me.

Between you and me, Paige,

being Queen is not without its charms.

So, my dear,

what would you like to wear to the coronation ball?

Ohhh...

Very beautiful.

Your ears will be killing you by the end of the evening, though.

Only one stone.

It's very appropriate.

BUZZ OF CONVERSATION

Sorry, would you two excuse me?

Sorry. Pardon me.

Paige, may I have this dance?

Of course.

I hope you don't mind,

but I've requested our song.

We have a song?

INSTRUMENTAL

We have a song!

Let's go somewhere.

It kinda bothers me.

Right. Come with me.

Excuse me, sir.

You and your father wanted to speak with the King of Norway.

Of course. Thank you, Soren.

Listen, when I get back, I've got a special treat for you.

Good! I was wondering when I was gonna start being treated well.

-You remember my son.

-Very nice to see you again.

Did the Egyptian photographers make you pose

for all those photos riding on camels?

-Yes!

-Dreadful creatures.

They store all that water and don't bathe in it!

-Yes!

-So down to business.

Um, we have to talk about fishing rights.

We both signed a treaty in order to maintain stock.

Right. I've got something to show you.

Stay there.

Ta-da!

Now...

relax, my dear, as I make you...

the perfect sandwich.

I think you'll find the student...

has now become the teacher.

I can see how proud your father is of you.

Yes.

Eddie... this has all been extraordinary.

A real-life fairytale.

But I can't do it any more.

What?

What're you saying?

I'm saying I can't stay.

What's the matter?

When I first met you, I was so focused because I was scared.

You got me out of that, which is the best thing anyone's ever done for me.

But I'm still me, and all the things I want to do are still a part of me.

And I thought I could make myself forget about that.

But I can't.

What about us?

You belong here, not me.

Your father needs you to be there for...

your mother and Arabella.

That's it? We'll never see each other again?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I can't make you stay, can I?

I can't make you stay.

PRIEST SPEAKS DANISH

King Edward III!

HUGE CHEER

Today marks a profound though bittersweet milestone for all of us,

as we bear witness to both an end and a beginning.

And while we must continue on,

we must also be grateful...

to have been blessed with someone...

who has so ably guided us to where we are today.

APPLAUSE

When there has been so much love...

..and happiness for someone...

..it is natural to be reluctant

to close such a wonderful chapter in our lives.

Excuse me.

For moving forward...

is rarely accomplished without considerable grief and sadness.

And while our sorrow may be profound...

..the clouds will clear...

and the sun will shine on us again.

And in that warm, bright light...

we will find ourselves facing a glorious future.

A future of exciting challenges,

and infinite possibility,

in which the horizon will stretch out before us,

bathed in the heavenly glow...

of the sunrise of our tomorrow.

I'm coming! I'm coming!

Everybody, can we get the girls together for a group shot?

Just a quick one?

Right.

OK, Amy.

All right. Amy, here.

All right, girls.

-Say cheesecurd.

-Cheesecurd!

Excellent!

Beautiful, girls.

I'm so proud of you.

Let's see.

Oh, sweetheart...

Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful.

I want you in my life, Paige.

I want to marry you.

If I have to wait until you finish medical school,

and anything else you want to do,

I'll do it.

I'll wait.

Denmark isn't ready for a queen like me.

Well, then they'll have to be.

Because I am.

# I feel like I'm flying

# I won't touch the ground

# I spin it

# Sorry now

# I turn it around

# I turn it around I turn it a-round!

# It doesn't get better than this

# I've waited all my life

# To just be like this

# There is nothing that I wanna miss

# Cos it doesn't get...

# No, it doesn't get...