Angel on My Shoulder


Angel on My Shoulder

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Transcript


LineFromTo

OK, Eddie. You're on your own.

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After four years, can't you favour us with a smile on your graduation day?

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HORN

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Hi, Eddie!

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-Hi, Smiley!

-What's the matter, boss? Couldn't tear yourself away?!

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-How was the stretch this time, boss? Tough?

-Nah!

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-Which is why I didn't crash out.

-I was sure expecting you to.

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Nice car.

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-It's all yours.

-OURS.

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Everything we've got.

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You're a swell pal, Eddie.

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Yeah. I heard all about it. You done a good job while I was gone.

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And I ain't forgetting it.

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You're a lot richer than when you went in.

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WE'RE a lot richer.

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Thanks, Eddie. ..Forgot to tell you, you got a couple of new spots downtown, real class.

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-The guy will show you the books.

-I take your word - like always.

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-Course, we got troubles, too.

-I'll take care of the troubles.

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Like when we was kids -

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-me and you against everybody, eh, Smiley?

-Sure.

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Got my rod?

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-Wearing it right next to my heart.

-Let me have it.

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Sure.

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BANG!

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BANG!

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BANG!

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BANG!

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Can't understand it! Walking along, minding my own business...

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I step off the kerb...a car comes tearing through a red light...

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The cops should have picked up the driver of that car, not ME.

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Say, are you a trustee?

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Yes. How long you been here? 300-odd years.

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Gosh, it's hot here. Gets like this in Florida sometimes.

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Florida?

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Nah!

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Florida never smelt like this.

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Like rotten eggs.

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Precisely, young man. Rotten eggs.

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The unpleasant odour is caused by H2S04 - hydrogen sulphuric acid.

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The most common compound of hydrogen and sulphur.

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Am I right?

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I poisoned my wife with a sulphur compound. My young wife. She was unfaithful.

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I was a chemist.

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-What do you mean, "was"?

-Before they hanged me.

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Where are the rope marks?

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What is the last thing YOU remember before they brought you here?

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Smiley!

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Smiley!

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That slimy, double-crossing rat!

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Plugging me with my own rod!

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Where are the bullet holes?

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Well...

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..how do you like that?!

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He missed!

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Sitting right next to me and he missed!

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He didn't miss.

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You're dead.

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We're ALL dead.

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Listen to this mug, will ya?

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It's true. Only the soul exists down here.

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Gee!

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They always said I'd wind up down here.

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I don't care WHERE I am.

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I gotta get Smiley.

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-There must be some way to crush this can!

-Abandon hope...

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all ye who enter here!

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Lay off of me! Lay off!

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I gotta get out of here!

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I gotta get Smiley!

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Lay off of me, I tell ya! I gotta get Smiley!

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What sort of temperature is that?

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It's the labour shortage, sire. There's been a drop in boiler room personnel.

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-We are operating at 73% of normal.

-Do you want me to catch my death of cold(?)

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No, sire. We are short of condemned souls.

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-I suggest...

-Warden, I have no need of your infantile suggestions.

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I'll attend to this matter myself.

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My opponent is always testing my prowess.

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This time, it happens to be one Judge Frederick Parker.

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We'll see who goes down to defeat.

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My beloved sire, your powers are wondrous to behold.

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I have lately been beset by great problems.

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My adversary's working overtime.

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But, superior though he may be - and he's set up a thousand Judge Parkers to thwart me -

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he must recognise that I am still master...of my own sphere.

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Yes, sire! SHOUTING >

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What in my domain is that?

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You have no right!

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Let go!

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-I'll get every one of you!

-Quiet!

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You can't hold me here!

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You can't keep me!

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What's the meaning of this?!

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How dare you bring him here? No choice!

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Cast him into the boiler room - in the circle of darkness!

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-I apologise for the intrusion, sire.

-Not at all, warden.

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Pour me a drink.

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-You're not angry?

-On the contrary, I'm pleased.

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Frankly, I'm delighted.

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To... What was his name?

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The doomed soul that was here? ..Eddie Kagle.

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-Eddie Kagle.

-You drink to HIM?

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-A cheap gangster?

-Why not?

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I love 'em!

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Ever see that face before?

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Of course! He was just here. Eddie Kagle.

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Wrong, warden. That is Judge Frederick Parker.

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Impossible!

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-They look exactly...

-Precisely.

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They look exactly alike.

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This likeness is just the weapon I need to defeat Mr Parker.

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Eddie Kagle!

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How hot do they want it down here?

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Never gets hot enough to suit the boss.

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Think this is bad? Wait till they put you in those hot claypits below.

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-We ain't at the bottom now?

-There ain't no bottom in this joint.

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Back, doomed one! Back!

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Back to your work!

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I ain't taking this no longer. I'm crashing out.

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Nobody crashes outta here.

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Nobody but Eddie Kagle. He breaks out from every place.

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I'll crash out with you, Eddie.

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-Who are you?

-A pal.

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I don't like pals.

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You mean, like Smiley?

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-How do you know about Smiley?

-Grapevine. I can help you get him. I got somebody I want to get, too.

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We can help each other. Deal?

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We gotta crash first.

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I know how.

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Nix! Screws.

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Well, Eddie?

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OK. Watch your step. One false move, and I slug you.

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I'll be extremely careful.

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Rub that smile off your face.

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A guy smiled once when he plugged me.

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Certainly, Eddie.

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Come on.

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Now!

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Hey!

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-You stir-nuts or something? That's the furnace.

-It's the only way. Come on!

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-How long have you been down here?

-Since time immemorial.

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-The way you talk, you must've had a good education.

-A liberal one.

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-I only went to third grade.

-I know everything.

-Stuck on yourself, huh? What's your name?

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I have a number of aliases. Sometimes it's Mephistopheles.

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-Greek, huh?

-Some claim I'm more of one nation than another. But I'm of all nations.

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-You look like a con man.

-Call me Nick.

-You married?

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Millions of women have adored me.

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-Quite a guy with the ladies, huh?

-I'm a fascinating fellow.

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-Playing with dames is dynamite.

-Delightful dynamite!

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"Live fully while you may and reckon not the cost. Deny yourself nothing.

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"Blaze like a torch, toss the fire about you." Omar Khayyam said it.

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-"Make the most of what we yet may spend, before we too into the dust descend."

-You're talking screwy.

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-May I laugh occasionally?

-Ain't nothing to laugh about.

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I never saw nothing to laugh about.

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From the time I ran away from home on account of my folks was always drunk and fighting, I ain't laughed.

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All I did was try to be somebody.

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-I worked myself up from where I had nothing to eat and no place to sleep to top guy in my business.

-Splendid.

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You're a man after my own heart. I wish the world was full of Eddies.

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-How long is it gonna take us to get up there?

-Any moment now.

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All right, down there. Send it up.

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Phew! Old man Schmalhausen must be baking with rotten eggs!

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Smells like the devil, too, doesn't it? >

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Wow! Them ashes are still hot.

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-Hey, douse them ashes with water first!

-I don't feel nothing.

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-Of course not. You haven't got a body.

-So how am I gonna get Smiley?

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-Hey, look out!

-No-one can see or hear you until I find you a body. Come on.

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-How are you gonna find it?

-Well, everyone has his physical counterpart - his double.

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-I happen to know where your double is.

-You mean a guy which looks like me?

-Spitting image.

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-Suppose he don't wanna give me his body?

-Asleep, he'll have no say.

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-What happens when he wakes up?

-He'll be you.

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-And who will I be?

-You'll be him.

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-Huh?

-To everyone else, you'll be him. Of course, to yourself you'll be yourself.

-Oh! Hey...

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-Tell me that again.

-Leave everything to me.

-I'll leave nothing to you!

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I'm sorry, Eddie. It's this cool air. It makes me irritable. I don't like cold climates.

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I don't feel nothing. If YOU ain't got no body, how come you feel cold?

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I've been below so long that even my soul has got accustomed to the heat.

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-Hey! I ain't got no fingers, right?

-That's right.

-So no fingerprints?

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-Right.

-I can get away with murder!

-Not exactly. Without fingers, you cannot squeeze a trigger.

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Yeah.

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I sure wanna squeeze a trigger.

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Hey! What is this - a double-cross? This ain't St Louis.

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Smiley's in St Louis.

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The body we want is here. And don't forget - you have a job to do for ME first. That was our deal.

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OK. I ain't reneging.

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Come on.

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Hey!

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-Why have you brought me here?

-To get you fingers to squeeze that trigger.

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How do you figure getting them here?

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How did I figure getting you out of that jam down below? But I did.

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Yeah. That was neat.

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This will be even neater. Trust me.

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OK...let's go.

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-Hey, there ain't a seat in the joint.

-We'll sit here.

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-What's the matter with you? There's cops in them seats.

-They won't know.

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Your Honour, the defendant in this case failed to establish an alibi.

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The testimony conclusively proves that this man was at the scene at the exact time the crime was committed.

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I respectfully request the court...

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That's a lie! I'm not going to take any more of this!

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BANGS GAVEL

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Get a doctor, quick!

0:20:460:20:49

-What happened?

-He collapsed, Eddie.

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No judge ever passed out on me.

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This court is now adjourned.

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-Come on, Eddie. Let's go.

-Hey!

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Don't give me no orders.

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-I do all the leading - get me?

-Yes, Eddie.

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Don't you never forget - I'm boss.

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Yes, Eddie. I shouldn't have been so brusque.

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I'll give him a sedative. Let him sleep a while then get him home.

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He'll be all right. Sure, Doctor. All right, gentlemen.

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Smokes!

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I said I knew where your double was.

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If this guy had been in St Louis, he'd have got bumped instead of me!

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Too bad he didn't.

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-Is he the guy you wanna get?

-Yes.

0:22:040:22:07

-What did he do to you? Send you up?

-I was sent down, not up.

0:22:070:22:13

Hey! This guy's a judge!

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I ain't muscling in on no judge's body!

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What difference does it make? It'll serve your purpose...and mine.

0:22:210:22:27

Yeah.

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What happens when he gets up and finds I'm him?

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When we're through with him, he won't know a thing.

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Not a single, blessed... solitary thing.

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What about you? Ain't you gonna find yourself a body?

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Yes, I'll get one.

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But you first - you're the important one.

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Yeah. Don't you forget it.

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I won't forget it, Eddie.

0:22:590:23:03

What...what are you doing?

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Fusion, Eddie - the power of heat.

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I'll fuse you into this man as steel can be fused into steel.

0:23:160:23:21

Relax.

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Relax!

0:23:270:23:30

Oh, Albert! Yes, Doctor? >

0:23:590:24:03

Is Miss Foster still here? Yes, sir. She's making coffee.

0:24:030:24:07

May I enquire how the judge is? A good night's rest, he'll be fine.

0:24:070:24:12

Good. Run down to the druggist and get this sedative in case he wakes up.

0:24:120:24:18

-Is he still sleeping?

-Yes.

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-There you are.

-Thanks.

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Nothing serious, I hope, Matt.

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Mmm, excellent.

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No, I don't think so. However, I've been expecting this for some time.

0:24:300:24:35

-Why do you say that?

-One can only do so much.

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I suggest you pile him into his car and get him away for a week or two.

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-I'm only the judge's secretary, not his wife.

-If that ring means anything, you soon will be.

0:24:440:24:51

-Fred can't possibly go away now.

-Why?

0:24:510:24:54

With the election a few days off, the speech tomorrow...

0:24:540:24:59

Well, Barbara, you've always had your own way. I suppose you will now.

0:24:590:25:04

That's not fair, Matt. Nobody can stop Fred. Nobody can push him on.

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-I'm the last one who wants to see him hurt or sick. You believe that, don't you?

-Of course.

0:25:080:25:16

-I'll bring him to your office first thing.

-No, that wouldn't do at all.

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Not all people accept psychiatry as a normal branch of medicine.

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The general impression is that a man who needs a psychiatrist must be crazy. Ridiculous, but there you are.

0:25:260:25:34

-Some people are reluctant to vote for lunatics!

-I hadn't noticed!

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It'd be better if I came here.

0:25:380:25:41

-Bye, Barbara.

-Goodbye, Matt.

0:25:410:25:43

-Albert!

-Yes, Miss Barbara?

0:25:480:25:51

-I'm going home. If the judge wakens during the night, please call me.

-Yes, Miss Barbara.

0:25:510:25:57

CLOCK CHIMES

0:25:590:26:03

ALBERT WHISTLES A SOFT TUNE

0:26:080:26:11

Judge!

0:26:230:26:25

Sir, your appointment's for 9 sharp.

0:26:250:26:28

Judge! Your Honour!

0:26:280:26:31

I hated to wake you, sir. You were sleeping so peacefully.

0:26:330:26:39

He did it!

0:26:520:26:55

-I got one!

-One what, sir?

0:26:570:27:02

-You got one too.

-I hope so, sir.

0:27:120:27:15

I can feel myself. I'm solid!

0:27:180:27:21

-Solid, like I used to be.

-Are you quite all right, sir?

0:27:210:27:26

All right? Sure I'm all right.

0:27:260:27:29

Nick... Where's Nick?

0:27:290:27:32

Hey, Nick! Nick, where are you?

0:27:320:27:35

Nick!

0:27:350:27:36

Did Nick sleep here too?

0:27:390:27:42

-I'm afraid I don't follow you, sir.

-You'd better not. I don't like being followed. Who are you, anyway?

0:27:420:27:49

-Really, sir...!

-Are you gonna tell me or do I slap it out?

-I'm Albert, your man, sir. Your bath is ready.

0:27:490:27:55

I don't need one. They cleaned me up when they laid me out. His duds?

0:27:550:28:00

-I beg your pardon?

-His duds - rags, clothes.

-Whose, sir?

-The judge's!

0:28:000:28:06

I've got to get to St Louis quick.

0:28:060:28:09

What am I, a judge or an undertaker? Nothing with fancy stripes?

0:28:090:28:14

-Fancy stripes?!

-Never mind. I'll wear one of these.

0:28:140:28:19

Right, you double-crosser. I'm coming for you.

0:28:220:28:26

Here you are, sir.

0:28:290:28:32

-What are you gonna do?

-Help you into them, sir.

0:28:320:28:37

-Scram!

-But, sir...

-Scram!

-Yes, sir.

0:28:370:28:41

Hello, Miss Barbara. This is Albert.

0:28:480:28:51

I don't wish to alarm you, but the judge is definitely not himself this morning.

0:28:510:28:58

I'm terribly worried about it.

0:28:580:29:00

..Oh, that'll be splendid. And do hurry, please. ..Thank you.

0:29:000:29:06

-Hey, you!

-DOOR OPENS

0:29:110:29:14

-You!

-Yes, sir.

-Get me a ticket on the next plane to St Louis.

-But...

0:29:140:29:19

-You work here, do you?

-For years.

-Get it.

-But your appointment, sir...

0:29:190:29:24

I've got an appointment in St Louis which comes first.

0:29:240:29:29

But plane reservations are hard to get, especially on such short notice.

0:29:290:29:34

OK. Then call the airport and get me a plane all to myself. ..Come on!

0:29:340:29:39

Hey, I'll need some dough.

0:29:410:29:43

-Is there any around?

-In the usual place, sir.

-No double talk. Where's the dough?

-In the safe, sir.

0:29:430:29:50

-I don't see no safe.

-If I seem to be baffled...

0:29:500:29:55

-Shut up and do as I say! Where's the strongbox?

-Behind the picture, sir.

0:29:550:29:59

-There's a flock of pictures!

-The one with the boat, sir.

0:29:590:30:05

The button, sir.

0:30:100:30:12

Got any sandpaper?

0:30:220:30:24

Have you forgotten the combination?

0:30:350:30:39

I don't need no combination. This is duck soup.

0:30:390:30:44

CLICK

0:30:440:30:47

-Please, sir...

-Hey, where's the nearest hock shop?

0:31:210:31:26

You can't possibly leave town today, sir.

0:31:260:31:30

Hello, Eddie.

0:31:540:31:56

How'd you get here?

0:31:590:32:02

-I never explain my actions.

-Explain to me. I don't like no surprises.

0:32:020:32:07

I'll have more surprises for you if you try to run out on me again.

0:32:070:32:11

I ain't running out, just hopping over to take care of that rat.

0:32:110:32:17

That rat can wait. Parker comes first.

0:32:170:32:21

Besides, being up so high makes me uncomfortable. I'm much happier down below.

0:32:210:32:27

Scared, huh?

0:32:270:32:29

I abhor altitudes.

0:32:290:32:32

CLANKING AND WHIRRING

0:32:320:32:34

-What's that?

-Engine trouble, sir.

0:32:340:32:38

We'll have to go back to the field.

0:32:380:32:40

What a strange coincidence(!)

0:32:400:32:43

Wipe that smile off your mug.

0:32:440:32:47

I apologise most humbly.

0:32:490:32:51

-Are you sure he said St Louis?

-Yes, Miss Barbara.

0:32:550:33:00

St Louis. St Louis! I can't imagine what could take him there,

0:33:000:33:04

at a time like this, with a thousand things to do.

0:33:040:33:09

-You should have done something, Albert - stopped him.

-I tried to, but he pushed me and left.

0:33:090:33:16

Ridiculous! The judge is gentility itself. He never pushed anybody.

0:33:160:33:21

He never did any of the things he did this morning.

0:33:210:33:25

From wakening, he acted peculiarly.

0:33:250:33:28

Go on.

0:33:280:33:30

When I went to help him dress, he told me to scram.

0:33:300:33:35

-The judge said scram?!

-That was the very word he used, Miss Barbara.

0:33:350:33:41

You're certain YOU weren't having hallucinations, Albert?

0:33:410:33:46

I only wish that were true. It's been most disturbing.

0:33:460:33:51

-I wasn't able to call Dr Higgins.

-I'll call him now.

-Yes, Miss.

0:33:510:33:57

Hello. Dr Higgins, please.

0:34:040:34:07

-This is Barbara Foster. ..Not a word to anybody, Albert.

-Heavens, no.

0:34:070:34:12

Hello, Matt? I missed Fred. ..No, he isn't here. He took a plane for St Louis.

0:34:120:34:18

That's extraordinary.

0:34:180:34:21

..Well, don't be unduly alarmed. It may be only a passing aberration.

0:34:210:34:25

We'll see when he gets back. Let me know the moment he arrives.

0:34:250:34:30

And let me warn you, Barbara - no matter how strangely he acts, don't antagonise him. Humour him.

0:34:300:34:37

We're dealing with someone who's ill - perhaps very ill.

0:34:370:34:42

-You understand, don't you, Barbara? The important thing is patience.

-I understand, Matt. Goodbye.

0:34:420:34:49

Well, Albert, we must be very patient with him.

0:34:510:34:56

We will, Miss Barbara.

0:34:560:34:58

BUZZER

0:34:580:35:01

Remember, now - not a word to a soul.

0:35:030:35:07

BUZZER

0:35:090:35:11

-Your Honour! Did you, er...miss your plane?

-Yeah.

0:35:180:35:22

Albert, who is it?

0:35:220:35:26

-The judge is back, Miss.

-Darling!

0:35:290:35:32

Oh, darling, I was so worried about you!

0:35:320:35:36

Who's the dame?

0:35:380:35:41

Your fiancee. The girlfriend... or rather the judge's.

0:35:410:35:46

-Go ahead, Eddie - make the most of it. She's all yours.

-Hey!

0:35:460:35:51

This is OK!

0:35:510:35:54

-It ain't only a trigger I can squeeze!

-Darling! You've never talked like that before.

0:35:570:36:04

-Why are you staring at me?

-Just sizing you up.

0:36:040:36:08

Not bad.

0:36:080:36:11

Plenty of curves, and all in the right places. Come here, babe!

0:36:110:36:16

-Please, darling!

-Don't be afraid of me. How about stepping out tonight?

0:36:160:36:22

It's been a long time.

0:36:220:36:24

Please, Fred!

0:36:240:36:27

-Fred?!

-You're Fred.

-Oh, that's the judge's handle?

-Mm-hm.

0:36:270:36:32

-Who are you talking to, dear?

-Nick.

0:36:320:36:35

Oh! Nick(!)

0:36:350:36:38

-Beat it! Scram!

-Yes, sir.

0:36:420:36:46

-You never talk to Albert...

-There's gonna be lots of things you ain't never seen the judge do!

0:36:460:36:53

-Better get used to it.

-Yes, dear. I'll try.

0:36:530:36:57

-Please, Fred, you're hurting me!

-Playing hard to get?

0:36:570:37:01

-What's so funny?

-Sorry, Eddie, sorry.

0:37:010:37:06

-What's your name?

-Oh, really, Fred!

-What's your name?

0:37:060:37:11

-You certainly know my name.

-I wouldn't ask if I knowed.

0:37:110:37:15

-I'll call you Rosie.

-Rosie?!

-Yeah. A little number I used to run around with, built just like you.

0:37:150:37:22

Come on. Come on, relax!

0:37:220:37:26

-I ain't such a bad guy.

-Stop it, Fred.

-Who are you yelling at?

-You...

0:37:260:37:32

-I'm sorry.

-OK.

-We'll be late.

0:37:350:37:40

-I've got lots of time.

-You're due at the auditorium to deliver your speech.

-Come again?

0:37:400:37:47

-Your speech, dear. It's getting late.

-I do all my speeching with my rod.

-I want you to make the speech.

0:37:470:37:54

I'll be behind you, whispering in your ear. It's all part of the plan.

0:37:540:38:00

I think you're planning too much.

0:38:000:38:02

-On second thoughts, dear, maybe it would be best to postpone it.

-Best?

0:38:020:38:07

If I gotta make a speech, I'll make it. It'll smell, but it's OK.

0:38:070:38:12

-Perhaps you'd better take a few days' rest. I'll call the campaign committee and explain.

-What's wrong?

0:38:120:38:19

-Think I can't do it?

-I know you can, only...

-Only what? I can do anything I put my mind on.

-Of course.

0:38:190:38:26

-Where do we go?

-The auditorium.

-Come on.

0:38:260:38:30

We'll give it to 'em good!

0:38:300:38:33

Come on, Nick.

0:38:330:38:36

-Just who is Nick?

-A con man I've tied in with.

0:38:360:38:41

Boy, we ain't been forgot by Lady Luck like I thought!

0:38:440:38:49

"Judge Parker collapsed on bench." Now, ain't that just too bad(?)

0:38:490:38:54

Listen to this editorial.

0:38:540:38:56

"Dare we leave the helm of our ship in the hands of a man whose physical condition is in question,

0:38:560:39:03

"in this stormy period in our state?" Certainly not. And as patriotic citizens we gotta do something.

0:39:030:39:10

Now, back in St Louis... We do it better here.

0:39:100:39:15

We've got to see that the judge STAYS sick, or that he even gets worse.

0:39:150:39:21

Sure, boss.

0:39:210:39:23

Now we've got to deliver the KO. Yeah.

0:39:230:39:27

Only to protect the people, mind you.

0:39:270:39:30

With our boy, people can go about their business without worry.

0:39:300:39:34

Without worry. That's right.

0:39:340:39:38

He's speaking at the auditorium at two. That gives you plenty of time.

0:39:380:39:43

One more cave-in like yesterday and our boy gets the governor's chair.

0:39:430:39:48

PHONE RINGS Wait a minute. ..Hello?

0:39:480:39:52

Hello, sweetheart. ..It's my wife. Go ahead. And I want to hear that the judge has taken a turn for the worse.

0:39:520:39:59

We'll bring back his teeth. Come on.

0:39:590:40:02

Hey! Imagine me running for governor!

0:40:060:40:10

Darling, you're too modest. Come on, let's go on the stage.

0:40:100:40:15

Wait a minute! I wanna case the joint first.

0:40:150:40:19

Hey, look at that turnout!

0:40:240:40:28

LAUGHTER

0:40:280:40:30

What are you going backwards for? Stick close. You're giving me the words, remember!

0:40:400:40:46

Oh! There is His Honour now! Excuse me.

0:40:460:40:50

-Hey, where do I...?

-Please, darling.

0:40:500:40:53

-Well, Your Honour, we're all ready to start.

-Where's Nick?

-They're waiting.

-Let 'em wait!

0:40:530:40:59

Hey, where did he go?

0:40:590:41:02

-Is someone with His Honour? I'm sure we could find him a seat.

-Oh, fine.

0:41:020:41:07

Please, darling, everyone's waiting.

0:41:070:41:10

-I need Nick to help me with the words.

-You have the speech.

0:41:100:41:14

CHEERING

0:41:140:41:17

Glad to see you, Judge. We were getting a little worried about you.

0:41:240:41:29

Children, you're all ready? Now it's time - go ahead.

0:41:330:41:37

Your Honour.

0:41:410:41:43

Stand up, dear.

0:41:430:41:46

Your Honour, on behalf of all the boys and girls and members of the Parker clubs

0:41:480:41:55

and in gratitude for all you have done for them...

0:41:550:41:59

regardless of who they are... (And where they come from.)

0:41:590:42:05

and where they come from, we want to present you with...

0:42:050:42:10

I lost it.

0:42:170:42:20

CHILDREN ALL CHATTER There it is!

0:42:200:42:24

Gee!

0:42:240:42:26

..this watch.

0:42:270:42:30

-Thank the children, darling.

-Thanks, kids.

0:42:370:42:40

You're welcome, Your Honour.

0:42:400:42:44

Fellow Americans, as the campaign for governor of this great state goes into its final phase,

0:42:590:43:06

it is an honour to speak on behalf of the candidate for the Citizens' Better Government Committee,

0:43:060:43:13

Judge Frederick Parker.

0:43:130:43:16

The whole country knows of the famous Parker Youth Foundation created by our candidate ten years ago.

0:43:250:43:32

This one organisation has reduced juvenile crimes 97%

0:43:320:43:38

since it was founded.

0:43:380:43:41

Judge Parker is a man who understands that juvenile delinquency is not a matter of bad boys and good boys,

0:43:490:43:58

but rather a matter of bad conditions and good conditions.

0:43:580:44:03

Revered and loved by his friends, respected and feared by his enemies,

0:44:030:44:08

he is a man of countless virtues.

0:44:080:44:12

Ladies and gentlemen, as we have just seen, one of Judge Parker's numerous virtues is his modesty.

0:44:160:44:23

-What's the idea of letting me down?

-I'm not letting you down. Far from it.

-What about this?

0:44:230:44:29

-Throw it away. Go out there and tell them off.

-What'll I say?

0:44:290:44:34

I don't have to tell YOU that. These people sent you to prison.

0:44:340:44:39

Your enemies, the law and order brigade, hate you.

0:44:390:44:44

Now's your chance to tell them what you think of them.

0:44:440:44:48

-You're not afraid.

-I ain't afraid of nothing.

-Then go out and give it to them.

0:44:480:44:54

-Call them by their right names.

-Yeah.

0:44:540:44:57

It is my privilege to introduce the next governor of this great state, Judge Frederick Parker.

0:44:570:45:05

CHEERING

0:45:050:45:08

Listen...

0:45:430:45:45

all of you! I'm gonna tell you a few things.

0:45:450:45:50

Hey, you!

0:46:000:46:01

Jujitsu!

0:46:080:46:09

Oh, no, you can't!

0:46:140:46:17

-Stop it, Eddie. They're your friends.

-You're crazy!

0:46:300:46:34

-See that?

-Take it, Eddie, take it.

0:46:360:46:40

-It's not you they're after, it's the judge.

-But I'M getting the punches!

0:46:470:46:52

-You're making a hero of the judge.

-Want them to make mincemeat of ME?

0:46:520:46:58

Idiot!

0:47:020:47:04

SIRENS WAIL Beat it!

0:47:040:47:07

Get out of here! Get going!

0:47:070:47:10

No, I won't need that now, Mr Kramer, thank you.

0:47:100:47:15

Are you hurt very much, Your Honour?

0:47:150:47:18

-No!

-Are you sure you're all right, dear? Are you able to walk?

-Sure.

0:47:180:47:23

Judge Your Honour, you're a champ!

0:47:230:47:25

- May I kiss you? - The judge don't want girls' kisses!

0:47:250:47:30

You go right ahead, dear, if you want to.

0:47:300:47:34

Come on, babe.

0:47:440:47:47

-Hey, where's Nick?

-Oh, never mind Nick now, dear, please.

-He was...

0:47:490:47:55

-Albert, get me some antiseptic and bandages, quickly.

-Yes, Miss.

-Darling, you were magnificent.

0:48:010:48:09

But you weren't cut out for that.

0:48:090:48:11

-Do you know somebody who could have done it better?

-No, dear. But I'm afraid you'll be ill.

0:48:110:48:18

-I ain't never been sick in my life.

-But, Fred...

-I'm glad Nick ain't here!

-Darling! What's come over you?

0:48:180:48:25

What's this? Hey, take that junk out of here. And get me a drink.

0:48:250:48:31

-Mineral water, sir?

-I said a drink - bourbon.

0:48:310:48:36

-But, Fred, you don't drink!

-Just watch me! And some cigars.

0:48:360:48:40

-But Fred, you can't smoke or drink - you know that.

-Are you kidding?

0:48:400:48:45

What are you standing there for? Get!

0:48:450:48:49

-Darling, please. You'll only make yourself ill.

-Stop worrying, Rosie!

-Fred!

0:48:490:48:55

Hey, how about some smooching, eh?

0:48:550:48:58

Darling! You HAVE changed!

0:48:580:49:02

Oh!

0:49:020:49:05

-Want a shot?

-I wish you wouldn't, dear. You've had enough excitement.

0:49:240:49:29

I ain't started yet! ..Take a powder.

0:49:290:49:33

Take a powder, sir?!

0:49:330:49:37

Oh, you mean scram?

0:49:370:49:39

-Here's luck, Rosie!

-Be careful, dear.

0:49:410:49:45

I can do this all day.

0:49:450:49:48

That's funny! I never choked on this before.

0:50:100:50:14

What kind of a body did that louse slip me anyhow?

0:50:330:50:38

-I'd better help Albert put you to bed.

-Hey, I ain't sleepy.

0:50:380:50:43

-You feel good!

-I've got to get home, dear.

-Home?

0:50:440:50:49

-Don't you live here?

-You know perfectly well I don't live here!

0:50:490:50:54

The judge must be screwy or something.

0:50:540:50:58

-You ain't going home, Rosie!

-I AM going home! The sooner the better.

0:50:580:51:03

-Wait a minute! Hey!

-Darling!

0:51:030:51:06

-Oh, Fred, I told you!

-That's all right. I'm all right.

0:51:060:51:11

You don't have to worry about me! I'm...

0:51:110:51:15

nothing in my way!

0:51:150:51:17

I'll be fine.

0:51:170:51:20

-Oh!

-Miss Barbara, what happened?

0:51:210:51:25

His Honour just passed out.

0:51:250:51:28

Taxi!

0:51:350:51:36

Hey! What's the idea?

0:51:530:51:55

Get back in your cab. Don't get excited.

0:51:550:52:00

-Come on.

-No, Eddie, let's take this one.

0:52:000:52:04

-Criminal Court, please.

-Yes, ma'am.

0:52:080:52:10

I have the sworn affidavits from those witnesses in Chicago.

0:52:170:52:22

-What witnesses? What's this about?

-Your pal has opened a couple of nightspots in Chicago.

0:52:220:52:28

-You mean Smiley?

-Who's Smiley? I don't see his name in the documents.

0:52:280:52:34

When I'm finished, his name will be on a tombstone!

0:52:340:52:37

-What has he to do with the Bentley trial?

-I don't know Bentley...

-The Bentley trial!

0:52:370:52:43

The case you're hearing today!

0:52:430:52:46

I'll be there. This gives you another go at Parker.

0:52:460:52:50

-Make sure you don't bungle it this time.

-I know all about trials! So do you, Bub.

0:52:500:52:56

-Are you talking to the cab driver?

-Eyes front! Do you want us to get killed?

-Sorry, Your Honour.

0:52:560:53:04

-I was talking to Dr Higgins, he said that...

-Listen, Rosie, I'm handling it MY way.

0:53:040:53:10

First comes Bentley, then that St Louis...

0:53:100:53:13

-two-faced, double-crossing...

-Really!

0:53:130:53:16

I'll show you a few tricks - tricks you never even dreamed of.

0:53:160:53:21

I'll go through with the trial, then we shoot out to St Louis.

0:53:210:53:28

What will we do there, dear?

0:53:280:53:30

Not you. Just us.

0:53:300:53:33

Not me? Just "us"?

0:53:330:53:36

You frighten me when you talk like this.

0:53:360:53:40

This is between me and Smiley.

0:53:400:53:42

We're going south together.

0:53:420:53:45

On a vacation?

0:53:450:53:48

To Florida?

0:53:480:53:50

Further south... where it's a hundred times hotter!

0:53:500:53:54

Boss, they was His Honour's own words!

0:54:030:54:06

He said he was going to St Louis to get Smiley.

0:54:060:54:10

That's dangerous talk for a judge to make. ..Sure you heard right?

0:54:100:54:15

Positive?

0:54:150:54:16

Yeah. He called him a double-crossing back-stabber.

0:54:160:54:20

Nice work!

0:54:200:54:23

Boys, we're in. The Honourable Judge has put himself outta the running.

0:54:230:54:28

Your hunch was right. He not only LOOKS like Eddie,

0:54:280:54:32

he's the most two-timing candidate that ever ran for office. He's worse than OUR man!

0:54:320:54:38

Are you calling the judge? I'm calling Smiley.

0:54:380:54:42

This looks like what they'd put on a guy what's giving a necktie party.

0:54:420:54:47

-Tell me the rap on the Bentleys.

-Attempted murder.

0:54:470:54:51

Mrs Bentley and her husband tried to kill her father to collect his insurance.

0:54:510:54:57

They pushed him in front of a subway train. He's alive, but somewhat mangled!

0:54:570:55:03

The entire country's shocked. They fail to see any beauty in it.

0:55:030:55:08

-What chance they got?

-None.

0:55:080:55:10

They wouldn't have spent so much trying to "square" things.

0:55:100:55:15

-Did they try to get to Judge Parker?

-Oh, no. They wouldn't do that.

0:55:150:55:20

They know it's impossible to fix Judge Parker.

0:55:200:55:23

But Eddie Kagle...

0:55:230:55:26

Who's spreading the dough?

0:55:260:55:29

-A man known as Big Harry.

-What's his last name?

0:55:290:55:34

-I want to call him and have him come here before the trial.

-He's too smart.

0:55:340:55:40

What'll I do?

0:55:400:55:42

You just dial Spring 74242.

0:55:420:55:46

I'll guide you. A little telepathic transmission.

0:55:460:55:50

Always showing off with them big words!

0:55:500:55:54

I used to dish out plenty of dough when I put in a fix. Now's my chance to get some back.

0:55:540:56:00

25 grand ain't enough to fix a rap like what this is.

0:56:000:56:05

-Why, it's...

-Heinous.

-It's heinous!

0:56:050:56:09

-The whole country is aroused by it.

-It's aroused the whole country.

0:56:090:56:14

-As is the case of The People Versus Mitchell.

-Like the case of The People Versus Mitchell.

0:56:140:56:21

-They got 30 years.

-You don't want the Bentleys to do a 30-year hitch, do you?

0:56:210:56:29

No, Your Honour. Let me bring the Bentleys in.

0:56:290:56:34

So you can have witnessses for the fix, huh?

0:56:340:56:38

-No, Your Honour. I just want you to see them and have them say a word in their own...

-Wait!

0:56:380:56:45

Put the moolah on the desk first.

0:56:450:56:49

Your Honour, this is Mr and Mrs Bentley. This whole affair was the result of a misunderstanding.

0:57:110:57:17

< This fine, upstanding citizen... and this frail, law-abiding little lady...

0:57:170:57:23

were simply victims of circumstance. As a result of which, Mrs Bentley

0:57:230:57:28

has been under the constant care of her physician. She's lost weight,

0:57:280:57:34

-she's been unable to...

-Rosie!

0:57:340:57:37

Rosie Morgan!

0:57:440:57:46

It can't be! You was bumped!

0:57:490:57:52

-You was bumped!

-You didn't wait long to get hooked up with him, did you?

0:57:520:57:57

-Your Honour!

-Shut up!

-Easy, Eddie!

-You shut up, too!

0:57:570:58:02

-All them trips to Kansas City to see your poor old mother! And you...

-Your Honour!!

0:58:020:58:08

So this was your mother, huh?

0:58:080:58:10

Playing around with him all the time!

0:58:100:58:14

I got you now. Wait till the trial starts.

0:58:140:58:18

-I'll put you and him away for keeps.

-SHE SCREAMS

0:58:180:58:21

Your Honour, the court is ready.

0:58:210:58:24

-Here! You can't fix this rap, not for all the dough in the country!

-They tried to bribe YOU?!

0:58:240:58:30

-Imagine!

-Wait till I tell the Press. You're a synch to sit in the Governor's chair.

0:58:300:58:37

-Hey, don't you never say "chair" to me!

-Sorry, Your Honour.

0:58:370:58:42

You fool!

0:58:420:58:44

You unmitigated, abysmal fool.

0:58:440:58:47

If you had a body, I'd tear it apart.

0:58:510:58:55

Good thing you can do that trick!

0:58:570:59:00

He's gotten worse. He's somebody I don't know any more. What's happened to Fred?

0:59:030:59:09

It isn't as simple as diagnosing a case of measles.

0:59:110:59:15

No, thank you.

0:59:160:59:18

Could be a throwback to his formative years, the boyhood years.

0:59:180:59:23

But what caused it?

0:59:230:59:25

-Fear, probably.

-Of what?

0:59:250:59:29

Perhaps the high office he's running for. Afraid of the responsibilities it might mean.

0:59:310:59:37

Afraid of loving a woman like you.

0:59:380:59:41

-A woman like me?!

-Yes. Barbara, I think Fred should withdraw from the campaign.

0:59:410:59:47

-Are you serious?

-Deadly serious.

0:59:470:59:50

-But he's as good as elected right now.

-I know.

0:59:500:59:54

He'll be all right. He's GOT to be. He's GOT to be governor!

0:59:540:59:59

-Judge's secretary to governor's wife. Not bad.

-Why, Matt! I...

0:59:591:00:05

Barbara...

1:00:071:00:08

we've been friends for a long time. You're lovely. You're also ambitious.

1:00:081:00:14

Yes, Matt. I am.

1:00:141:00:17

I don't know much about neurotic conditions,

1:00:171:00:21

but I DO know that Freddy MUST do what he's doing.

1:00:211:00:24

Psychiatry won't give a lot of poor kids a chance to grow up like decent human beings. Fred Parker WILL.

1:00:241:00:32

It won't wipe out the vicious elements in this world, but Governor Parker's influence will.

1:00:321:00:38

-And I'm going to help him do it.

-I'm sorry, Barbara.

1:00:381:00:43

Guess I was mistaken. Forgive me?

1:00:431:00:46

I'm sorry, too. Sorry that a man like Fred has to pay for this with his health. But...

1:00:461:00:53

It may work out. His condition may pass as quickly as it came.

1:00:541:01:00

But he must be handled with patience and understanding. It will be difficult for you.

1:01:001:01:06

-Nothing's difficult where Fred's concerned.

-Getting him away for a short while would help.

-I'll try.

1:01:061:01:13

Good.

1:01:131:01:14

Still friends?

1:01:141:01:17

Of course.

1:01:171:01:19

Always. Goodbye, Matt.

1:01:191:01:22

'Lovely, isn't she?

1:01:331:01:35

-'Go ahead, Eddie. Make the most of it. She's all yours.

-Oh, yeah?

1:01:351:01:40

'Nah!

1:01:411:01:43

'This dame ain't like Rosie.'

1:01:431:01:46

Why I sent for you so sudden is this, Smiley -

1:01:471:01:51

you been negotiating to operate in the east, which is OK with me, on certain conditions, of course.

1:01:511:01:58

I got conditions, too.

1:01:581:02:01

< We won't argue about percentages.

1:02:011:02:03

Thre's only one question - Eddie Kagle.

1:02:031:02:07

What about him?

1:02:071:02:10

Well, now that he's free again... Haven't you heard?

1:02:101:02:14

Eddie ain't around any more. He ain't?

1:02:141:02:17

He was bumped off.

1:02:171:02:21

Well, what do you know? It means YOU'RE top dog now.

1:02:221:02:27

Nobody else! And you're operating alone?

1:02:271:02:31

You're learning fast(!)

1:02:311:02:34

You wouldn't be holding out any important information? Such as?

1:02:341:02:39

Silent partners. Someone way up in political circles who's maybe getting a cut?

1:02:391:02:46

I operate strictly alone.

1:02:461:02:49

We heard different.

1:02:491:02:51

We heard it straight, Smiley.

1:02:511:02:54

You're hearing it straight from ME.

1:02:541:02:57

Yours truly. Smiley Williams.

1:02:571:03:00

All right.

1:03:001:03:02

If you say so.

1:03:021:03:05

After all, if you ain't telling us the truth, somebody will get hurt.

1:03:051:03:10

It's the other guy that gets hurt. Not me.

1:03:101:03:14

Send him to the judge's house.

1:03:141:03:18

-Just get them together.

-I just had a thought. There's a guy you gotta see.

1:03:181:03:24

< If he okays you, fine. Is he the juice?

1:03:241:03:28

Yeah. I'll give you his name and address.

1:03:281:03:32

< Better call on him right away.

1:03:321:03:35

If he's not at home...

1:03:351:03:38

..wait for him.

1:03:391:03:41

"Judge"?!

1:03:431:03:44

A judge, eh? Frederick Parker.

1:03:461:03:48

Better get over there. Is he the juice?

1:03:481:03:52

Running for governor, too. Surprised?

1:03:521:03:55

Yeah. I thought you would be.

1:03:551:03:58

Is he tough? You tell us.

1:03:581:04:01

Bye, Smiley. So long.

1:04:011:04:04

My children, my children, you'd be lost without me.

1:04:081:04:12

The governor's mansion is all right. This is where we'll REALLY live.

1:04:201:04:25

-Shall we go in?

-In?

1:04:261:04:29

-Where?

-In our house, silly!

1:04:291:04:31

Oh. ..Sure.

1:04:311:04:34

Can't you just see it?

1:04:341:04:36

Shining and beautiful!

1:04:361:04:39

Remember the fun we had planning all this?

1:04:391:04:42

Location... the rooms and the garden!

1:04:421:04:45

Come on. Let's go up.

1:04:481:04:50

Jump!

1:04:581:04:59

Now we're on our porch!

1:04:591:05:02

We'll spend a lot of time out here...

1:05:021:05:05

after dinner in the evenings when it's quiet.

1:05:051:05:09

Let's go inside.

1:05:091:05:11

-Wait!

-What's the matter?

1:05:111:05:14

-We have to open the door.

-Oh.

1:05:141:05:17

Come in, dear. ..Now, then...

1:05:191:05:22

Hey, you forgot to close the door.

1:05:221:05:25

When we're married, I insist that you carry me across the threshold.

1:05:251:05:30

When...

1:05:301:05:32

-When we get married, eh?

-Don't say it so gloomily!

1:05:321:05:37

It won't be THAT bad! Now!

1:05:371:05:40

Over here's your study. Your private, sacred room.

1:05:401:05:44

There'll be pictures of the great men of law, literature and politics.

1:05:441:05:49

Your library...

1:05:491:05:51

-And a big lounging chair for you to read in.

-Why would I want to read with YOU around?

1:05:511:05:58

Fred! That's the nicest thing you've said to me!

1:05:581:06:02

There are a lot of nice things I wanna say to you.

1:06:021:06:07

-Say them in there. That's the most important room in the house.

-The kitchen?

1:06:071:06:12

No. The nursery.

1:06:121:06:15

You mean...

1:06:211:06:23

..you want to live here with me

1:06:241:06:27

and have kids?

1:06:271:06:30

-And sit on the porch?

-Of course.

1:06:301:06:33

Look at me.

1:06:381:06:40

You mean, with ME?

1:06:421:06:44

The way I am?

1:06:441:06:47

What you see...

1:06:471:06:49

and how I talk?

1:06:491:06:51

I love you.

1:06:511:06:54

-You see no difference?

-No difference that matters.

1:06:561:07:01

Imagine that.

1:07:041:07:06

I could have had all this... been all this...

1:07:061:07:10

People calling me Your Honour and smiling at me. Kids making a fuss over me...

1:07:101:07:17

and me not having to hide from somebody all the time.

1:07:171:07:22

And you...

1:07:221:07:24

-I could have had YOU.

-But you ARE all that. You have me.

1:07:241:07:28

I... I ain't got nothing.

1:07:311:07:33

I ain't even got my soul.

1:07:351:07:38

Don't say those things. At least, not out here.

1:07:381:07:42

You promised today would be OUR day. You promised to forget about court and the election.

1:07:421:07:48

Please, darling. Let's just enjoy ourselves.

1:07:521:07:56

Perhaps you would prefer to come back tomorrow. His Honour is unavoidably detained.

1:08:041:08:10

I'll wait. < Yes, sir.

1:08:101:08:14

-You happy, darling?

-Yeah.

1:08:291:08:31

-I'm scared, too.

-Of what?

1:08:311:08:34

I dunno. I never been scared of nothin' in all my life.

1:08:341:08:39

-Dr Higgins said...

-Ain't nothing a doctor knows about.

1:08:391:08:44

Something I can't figure out myself.

1:08:441:08:46

Maybe it's cos I found something I never had before, something I want to hold on to.

1:08:461:08:53

A place like this...

1:08:531:08:55

and a feeling of quiet inside me.

1:08:551:08:58

A new slant on things.

1:09:001:09:02

-I'm talking screwy!

-No, you're not. It makes me so happy to hear you talk like that.

1:09:061:09:12

Happy?

1:09:121:09:13

That I'm beginning to find you again.

1:09:131:09:16

Honey, I'm all mixed up. I...

1:09:291:09:32

You see, I...I made a deal.

1:09:401:09:43

How could I know that I'd meet up with you?

1:09:431:09:48

I'd rather cut my arm off than hurt you.

1:09:521:09:55

I gotta puzzle it out...

1:10:081:10:10

just for a couple of minutes...

1:10:101:10:13

-myself.

-It's all right, darling.

1:10:131:10:16

That was a very touching scene.

1:11:051:11:07

What are you gumshoeing around for?

1:11:081:11:11

I have some nice news for you.

1:11:111:11:14

-Remember I promised that if you'd help me get Judge Parker, I'd help you get Smiley?

-Mm.

1:11:141:11:20

-I keep my word, even though some others don't.

-I did all you asked.

1:11:201:11:25

Instead of ruining Judge Parker, you made him more popular!

1:11:251:11:30

The fight in the auditorium, refusing the bribe...

1:11:301:11:34

now this fantastic billing and cooing(!)

1:11:341:11:37

A guy can change, can't he?

1:11:371:11:40

Not you, Eddie.

1:11:401:11:43

It's too late for that. Besides, a halo isn't your particular dish.

1:11:431:11:48

However, what I came to say is this -

1:11:481:11:51

Smiley is in town.

1:11:511:11:54

What's he doing here?

1:11:561:11:59

He's come to extend his cafe business. He's going to open up this city - with your money.

1:11:591:12:06

Money you went to jail for.

1:12:061:12:08

The money he killed you for.

1:12:081:12:11

I don't know.

1:12:241:12:26

Getting the rat don't seem important no more.

1:12:281:12:31

Oh, really, Eddie, you're going soft. You're getting yellow.

1:12:321:12:37

Don't you never say that to me.

1:12:371:12:40

-Then prove I'm wrong by carrying out your end of the bargain.

-But I...

1:12:401:12:45

I can't leave Rosie.

1:12:461:12:49

I mean, Barbara.

1:12:491:12:52

Smiley in town is not only a threat to you, but to Barbara, too.

1:12:521:12:57

You mean...?

1:12:591:13:01

You mean the girl is in danger with Smiley here?

1:13:011:13:05

Figure it out. When he sees you, if you don't get him, HE'LL get YOU.

1:13:051:13:11

Like he did before. With a smile on his face.

1:13:111:13:16

And you know what that would mean to Judge Parker.

1:13:161:13:20

To his body. And where would that leave Barbara?

1:13:201:13:24

So, you see, either way...

1:13:241:13:27

for her sake...

1:13:271:13:30

for the sake of any little children she may have... you've got to KILL him.

1:13:301:13:36

You got a way of putting things that makes sense.

1:13:361:13:40

Inside me, I know that I shouldn't follow your advice, but it's like you say...

1:13:401:13:46

I'd only be doing Barbara a favour.

1:13:461:13:49

Protecting her...

1:13:501:13:52

and her kids.

1:13:521:13:55

OUR kids, might have been.

1:13:551:13:58

Now you're beginning to see straight.

1:13:581:14:02

And think clearly.

1:14:021:14:04

Shall we go?

1:14:041:14:07

I gotta tell Barbara first.

1:14:091:14:12

Honey, I gotta tell you something. Something very important. I gotta use your car.

1:14:171:14:24

My car?

1:14:241:14:26

-I guess it's all right, dear, if you want to.

-Thanks.

1:14:291:14:33

I won't be long.

1:14:351:14:38

Look, honey...

1:14:411:14:43

Straighten me out on something.

1:14:441:14:47

-I'll try.

-If we was already married and living in this house...

1:14:471:14:52

and had kids...

1:14:521:14:54

and one day, a big rat came out of his hole and went for the kids' throats, what would you do?

1:14:541:15:02

-There'd be nothing to do but destroy it.

-You mean, kill it?

1:15:021:15:07

Well...yes.

1:15:091:15:11

Thanks.

1:15:111:15:13

Thanks for straightening me out.

1:15:131:15:16

Wait!

1:15:251:15:27

"Kill"!

1:15:321:15:34

KILL!

1:15:351:15:36

What a beautiful day.

1:15:491:15:51

I couldn't ask for more delightful weather.

1:15:531:15:56

Take that grin off your face.

1:15:561:15:59

Please permit me the privilege of expressing my happier frame of mind with a few facial wrinkles!

1:15:591:16:06

Relieves the tension!

1:16:061:16:08

-Lucky I don't put some wrinkles on you that'll stay for keeps.

-SIREN BLARES

1:16:081:16:15

What's the matter? I wasn't speeding.

1:16:261:16:31

I didn't say you was. Let me see your licence.

1:16:311:16:35

Must have left it in my other suit.

1:16:381:16:40

In this State, that ain't good. How about your owner's licence?

1:16:401:16:45

Tell them it's your fiancee's car. Tell them you borrowed it to go to a campaign meeting.

1:16:451:16:52

Don't you know me? Judge Parker.

1:16:521:16:55

I'm running for governor. I'm making a speech at a political shindig tonight.

1:16:551:17:01

This is my fiancee's car. I borrowed it.

1:17:011:17:04

-What's her name?

-Barbara Foster.

1:17:041:17:07

That's interesting! A girl by that name phoned the police to report her car stolen.

1:17:071:17:14

The licence number of the car is identical to this one.

1:17:141:17:19

-You're making a mistake.

-That's what they all say. Explain it down the station.

1:17:211:17:27

You know, this should convince you that I am the only friend you have.

1:17:401:17:45

-First, your pal Smiley double-crosses you, now this girl.

-She had nothing to do with it!

1:17:451:17:52

-She knew you were out to kill, which meant you wouldn't be governor and she wouldn't be governor's wife!

-No!

1:17:521:17:59

Mankind has been beset by women since Adam, and Barbara is the true offshoot of Eve!

1:17:591:18:05

-You're batty!

-I am the only person you can trust.

-No further than I can throw this building!

1:18:051:18:12

-Stop talking!

-Now, listen!

-STOP!

1:18:121:18:15

What's with you? Who are you talking to?

1:18:151:18:20

Nobody. I...eh...

1:18:201:18:22

I'm just rehearsing my speech.

1:18:221:18:26

Come into the other room. The owner of the car is here.

1:18:261:18:30

Barbara!

1:18:321:18:34

-Tell this copper who I am.

-I beg your pardon?

1:18:341:18:38

-What's this?

-Do you know this man?

1:18:381:18:42

I've never seen him before in my life.

1:18:421:18:46

Barbara, please. Don't do this to me.

1:18:531:18:57

-You have to file a complaint.

-All right.

-Wait!

1:18:571:19:01

Let me talk to you. Alone. Just for a few minutes.

1:19:011:19:06

This may mean everything to you.

1:19:061:19:09

To...to your future.

1:19:091:19:11

Please.

1:19:111:19:13

Barbara...

1:19:201:19:21

there are things I can't tell you cos you won't believe it.

1:19:211:19:27

But you gotta believe THIS.

1:19:271:19:29

For the first time I can remember,

1:19:291:19:32

I'm trying to do something for somebody else without caring what happens to me. I was changing.

1:19:321:19:39

You've done it. Don't spoil it now.

1:19:391:19:43

Don't let me down.

1:19:431:19:46

For your own sake.

1:19:461:19:48

For the sake of them kids...

1:19:501:19:52

who're gonna sleep in that nursery you were talking about.

1:19:521:19:57

Fred, you said something about making a deal.

1:19:591:20:03

All right, I want you to make a deal with me.

1:20:031:20:08

I'll get you out of here if you go with me to a minister

1:20:081:20:12

and marry me right now.

1:20:121:20:15

But I can't, I...

1:20:151:20:17

Take her up, Eddie, and you can finish what you started out to do.

1:20:171:20:23

All right.

1:20:231:20:25

I'll marry you.

1:20:261:20:28

-Nick, you're going in the wrong direction.

-It's the right direction.

1:20:411:20:46

And he said in another place, "If anyone offend one of the weak who believe in me, it were better..."

1:20:561:21:04

KNOCK ON DOOR

1:21:041:21:06

Where did I leave off, Agatha?

1:21:111:21:14

"It were better." What were better?

1:21:141:21:17

"If anyone offend." "If anyone offend one of the weak who believe in me, it were better..."

1:21:171:21:24

-Well?

-We wanna get married.

1:21:241:21:27

Why?

1:21:271:21:29

Too many people get married without asking themselves why. ..There's an idea. Make a note of it for a sermon.

1:21:321:21:39

Yes, dear.

1:21:391:21:41

My husband is preparing his sermon. Please, sit down.

1:21:411:21:45

"If anyone offend one of the weak who believe in me, it were better for him

1:21:451:21:50

"that a millstone were hung about his neck and he were cast into the sea."

1:21:501:21:56

"If thy hand offend thee, cut it off. It is better to enter life maimed than to go into the Gehenna

1:21:561:22:03

-"of inextinguishable fire."

-You never said it better.

1:22:031:22:07

Expressions of approval should be confined to "Amen", please.

1:22:071:22:12

"For it is written that everyone shall be burned with fire and every victim salted with salt.

1:22:121:22:19

"When the devil speaks to you, heed him not, for his only desire is to lead you below. He is the evil one.

1:22:191:22:26

-"Watch for him. No matter what name he uses - Lucifer, Beelzebub, Mephistopheles..."

-Hey!

1:22:261:22:33

I know him.

1:22:341:22:37

- Where was I, Agatha? - Mephistopheles.

1:22:381:22:41

Oh, yes. "Heed not Mephistopheles, lest you suffer eternal damnation.

1:22:411:22:46

"When he whispers in your ear, turn away your head and harken instead to the angel on your shoulder."

1:22:461:22:53

But if he ain't got no angel on his shoulder...

1:22:531:22:58

You have if you live right, son. Be good, do good.

1:22:581:23:02

The devil wields no power over a good man.

1:23:021:23:06

-Sit tight, honey, I'm coming right back.

-Where are you going?

1:23:081:23:13

To tell off the devil.

1:23:131:23:15

Good for you, son. The altar's to your left as you enter the church.

1:23:151:23:20

-Well, Eddie?

-I just come out to tell you something.

1:23:241:23:29

There's a smart operator in there, what knows all the answers.

1:23:291:23:34

-You don't say.

-Mm-hm. He even knows who you are.

1:23:341:23:38

Do YOU know?

1:23:381:23:41

Yeah, Nick, I know.

1:23:421:23:45

I'll have to take you back, Eddie, you know too much.

1:23:451:23:49

The dope I got said you can't get the drop on a good man.

1:23:491:23:55

-That hardly covers you.

-My record's clean, this trip.

1:23:551:23:59

I ain't done nothing wrong since you brought me back.

1:23:591:24:04

Well, Eddie, I've only the kindliest feelings towards you.

1:24:061:24:10

And to prove it, I want you to go right back in there. Marry Barbara. And my blessings on both of you.

1:24:101:24:17

We don't want no blessings from you.

1:24:171:24:21

I'm THROUGH with you.

1:24:211:24:24

Beezel-bub!

1:24:291:24:31

And is not to be entered into lightly, but reverently,

1:24:371:24:42

discreetly, advisedly, soberly and in the fear of God.

1:24:421:24:47

Unto this holy estate, these two persons come now to be joined.

1:24:471:24:52

If any man can show just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak

1:24:521:24:59

or else hereafter forever hold his peace.

1:24:591:25:02

-I require and charge you both...

-Wait a minute.

-Please, dear.

-You brought up something important.

1:25:021:25:09

Honey, I gotta speak now, like he says.

1:25:101:25:14

I can't marry you.

1:25:141:25:17

I'd be doin' wrong.

1:25:171:25:20

-And that's just what the devil is waiting for.

-Oh, dear Lord!

1:25:201:25:25

Fred, you don't know how hard I've been trying to help you, but I can't go much further.

1:25:271:25:34

You're not only destroying yourself, you're destroying me. I can't stand it any longer. Please, go on!

1:25:341:25:40

Honey, I can't. My eyes have been opened. Marrying you is the worst thing I could do.

1:25:401:25:47

Which don't mean that you lost Fred Parker. You've found him again.

1:25:471:25:53

And you'll be proud of him.

1:25:531:25:56

Like you always was.

1:25:561:25:59

Honey, if I could only make you understand.

1:26:021:26:05

I think I DO understand, darling.

1:26:221:26:25

Come, I'll drive you home.

1:26:271:26:30

Please forgive us.

1:26:341:26:37

Eddie.

1:26:491:26:50

You have a visitor.

1:26:501:26:53

You might like to know that in his breast pocket, he's carrying the gun with which he snuffed you out.

1:26:561:27:03

He's been carrying it around ever since. It brings him luck, he says.

1:27:031:27:08

You can now repay that long-overdue debt with your own gun.

1:27:081:27:13

That's what's known as poetic justice.

1:27:131:27:16

'Heed not Mephistopheles, children, lest you suffer eternal damnation when he whispers in your ear.

1:27:431:27:52

'Turn away your head and harken instead to the angel on your shoulder.'

1:27:521:27:58

You're right, Mephipopolis

1:28:161:28:19

or Nick for short.

1:28:191:28:21

But I ain't never plugged no guy what's asleep.

1:28:211:28:26

I'll wake him first.

1:28:261:28:28

It's simpler this way. I made him drowsy to make it easier for you.

1:28:281:28:33

You make everything easy, don't you?

1:28:351:28:37

All right, have it your way. Wake him up.

1:28:371:28:42

It might be more amusing.

1:28:421:28:45

I'll go fix him a drink.

1:28:451:28:48

Make it feel like old times.

1:28:481:28:51

Smiley.

1:29:011:29:03

Smiley!

1:29:041:29:06

-Huh? Who called me?

-I did.

1:29:061:29:09

Oh, Judge Parker.

1:29:091:29:12

I'm fixing a couple of drinks.

1:29:131:29:16

What's on your mind?

1:29:161:29:19

-Well, I'm operating in St Louis and other spots.

-Uh-huh.

1:29:191:29:24

And I'm interested in a couple of joints here in the east.

1:29:241:29:29

-Bellamy steered me to you about getting a passport.

-Sure, sure.

1:29:291:29:33

-I understand.

-So, as it's my nature to come to the point pronto,

1:29:331:29:39

what's your cut?

1:29:391:29:41

100 grand and 25% of the takings.

1:29:411:29:45

Hold on, Judge. I may be from St Louis, but I ain't no hick.

1:29:471:29:52

Are you operating alone? No partners?

1:29:541:29:59

All alone.

1:29:591:30:01

-I heard Eddie Kagel was heading your outfit.

-Yeah, but he's dead.

1:30:011:30:06

-Are you sure?

-Well, I oughta know, cos I, er...

-Cos you what?

1:30:061:30:11

-I got the flash, soon as the cops found his body.

-I heard he was your pal.

1:30:111:30:18

Yeah, we grew up together. I'd do his thinking and he did my fighting.

1:30:181:30:24

So you paid him off by putting four slugs in him from his own rod?

1:30:241:30:29

What kinda talk is that? Are you after blackmail?

1:30:291:30:34

-This is Smiley Williams you're talking to.

-Who should know...

1:30:341:30:39

..better than me?

1:30:401:30:43

You?

1:30:451:30:46

-You...

-Why are you so nervous?

1:30:461:30:50

You look like you seen a ghost.

1:30:501:30:53

-Eddie, get on with it.

-Shut up, Memipopolis.

1:30:531:30:57

My name is Smiley Williams.

1:30:571:31:00

Pleased to meet you. They call me Judge Parker.

1:31:001:31:05

Or maybe I ain't Judge Parker.

1:31:051:31:08

Maybe I'm somebody else.

1:31:091:31:12

Somebody you know.

1:31:121:31:14

No!

1:31:161:31:17

No, you can't be him!

1:31:171:31:20

Him? Who's "him"?

1:31:211:31:23

Eddie. Eddie Kagel.

1:31:231:31:27

-You can't be. This whole thing is screwy.

-Maybe it ain't screwy.

1:31:271:31:32

Start figuring it out. If I ain't Judge Parker, I must be someone else. Maybe your pal, Eddie Kagel,

1:31:321:31:38

the one you chopped down with his own rod. Figure it when you're afraid of every sound and shadow,

1:31:381:31:46

every car that whizzes by.

1:31:461:31:49

Hole up in your hideout and go slowly nuts trying to figure, "Is Eddie Kagel dead...or alive?"

1:31:491:31:56

And then when you can't take it no more, go blow your brains out.

1:31:561:32:02

There it is, your own gun. Return the compliment, Eddie.

1:32:051:32:09

Stop whispering in my ear, Devil.

1:32:091:32:13

Lay off me, will you, Judge? I'll do anything you say.

1:32:131:32:17

Eddie!

1:32:211:32:22

Eddie! Give me a chance!

1:32:221:32:26

You didn't shoot him.

1:32:311:32:34

We had a bargain.

1:32:341:32:37

He was took care of a better way.

1:32:371:32:40

And I never even touched him.

1:32:401:32:42

Now you go back to your hole in the ground. You're in my way.

1:32:421:32:48

-I cannot go back without you.

-Well, ain't that too bad?

-Listen, Eddie.

1:32:481:32:53

No soul has ever escaped from my domain before. I've got to get you back or I'll be jeered and derided.

1:32:531:33:00

The upheaval would be cataclysmic!

1:33:001:33:03

What a laugh! Looks like you got yourself behind the eight ball.

1:33:031:33:08

Eddie, please! Have a heart.

1:33:081:33:11

We'll have to take it up with the Boss. I'm getting my orders from him...from now on.

1:33:111:33:18

Must I run afoul of you again?

1:33:221:33:25

Am I doomed forever to be vanquished?

1:33:251:33:29

What has this subhuman creature, incubated in the depths of foulness, done to become your favoured?

1:33:291:33:37

It was with evil intent that he ventured forth.

1:33:371:33:41

He volunteered to do my bidding. Must I be humiliated by this maggot?

1:33:411:33:46

-I demand my rights.

-You're missing the point, chum -

1:33:461:33:50

There's an hombre, Judge Parker, and a sweet girl named Barbara what's played good ball with a lot of kids,

1:33:521:33:59

who might otherwise join your team. And Eddie Kagel is staying around to see you don't mess things up.

1:33:591:34:07

While you're in the judge's body, neither you nor he can do anything.

1:34:091:34:14

What's more, you're making Barbara very unhappy. The longer you remain on earth,

1:34:141:34:21

-the longer she cannot be joined with her rightful mate.

-YOU got me in.

-You were evil. I had power over you.

1:34:211:34:28

I get it.

1:34:301:34:32

If I don't myself help you take me out of Parker's body,

1:34:371:34:42

Barbara and the judge don't get together like they should.

1:34:421:34:47

All right, I'll make you a deal.

1:34:511:34:54

If you lay off the judge and Barbara for life...I'll go back with you.

1:34:541:34:59

I accept. I have to. Are you ready?

1:35:021:35:06

Wait. I wanna say goodbye to Barbara first.

1:35:091:35:13

-I cannot wait.

-You'll wait and like it.

1:35:131:35:16

Hello. Barbara?

1:35:241:35:27

I gotta see you right away.

1:35:271:35:30

Hop in your car and come right over.

1:35:301:35:33

Yeah.

1:35:341:35:36

Thanks, honey.

1:35:371:35:39

You sure are something for the eyes in that outfit, honey.

1:35:551:36:00

Thank you, darling. I want to look my best. You said dinner and a show.

1:36:001:36:05

I'm... I'm afraid that's off.

1:36:051:36:10

Cos...

1:36:101:36:12

Cos I'm going away.

1:36:121:36:15

I ain't never coming back.

1:36:151:36:18

What do you mean?

1:36:181:36:21

-Why would you be going away?

-Well, I can't tell you, cos I'm afraid you won't understand, baby.

1:36:211:36:28

-I only understand that wherever you go, I wanna go with you.

-Nix.

1:36:281:36:33

You don't belong where I'm going.

1:36:331:36:36

Oh, no!

1:36:361:36:37

Eddie.

1:36:391:36:41

I got everything set for you, honey, so you won't have no more trouble.

1:36:431:36:48

When I'm gone, the judge can straighten everything out.

1:36:481:36:54

You and him get married and go live in that swell house.

1:36:551:37:01

And have kids.

1:37:031:37:05

Eddie.

1:37:051:37:07

-I have to be going now, honey.

-Please.

1:37:111:37:14

-Don't say those things, darling.

-No, no.

1:37:141:37:18

I... I feel kinda funny.

1:37:181:37:22

Kinda dizzy.

1:37:221:37:24

-Darling, go and lie down for a minute.

-Yeah, I'll lay down.

1:37:241:37:28

I just wanted to tell you...

1:37:311:37:34

Eddie!

1:37:341:37:35

Goodbye, honey.

1:38:031:38:05

Dr Higgins, please.

1:39:031:39:07

Do you know where he is?

1:39:071:39:10

Please reach him and tell him to come to Judge Parker's immediately.

1:39:101:39:15

It's very urgent.

1:39:151:39:18

Barbara.

1:39:211:39:23

Barbara!

1:39:241:39:26

You have tears in your eyes. What's the matter?

1:39:331:39:38

Nothing. Nothing. Everything's fine now.

1:39:381:39:42

Well, so long.

1:39:471:39:50

Funny, I never thought people's faces looked so good.

1:39:551:40:00

There's lots of other things I never noticed before.

1:40:001:40:05

If I'd only knowed the first trip round what I know now.

1:40:051:40:09

When I get you down below, I'm going to take special pains with you - agonies undreamed of.

1:40:091:40:16

-I don't think you'll be so tough.

-No?

-Nah!

1:40:161:40:20

You know why? Cos you made a sap of yourself.

1:40:201:40:24

You don't want your boys to know that.

1:40:241:40:28

No big shot wants to look like a sucker before his own mob.

1:40:281:40:33

Now, if I was made a trustee...

1:40:331:40:37

This is sheer, unblushing blackmail!

1:40:371:40:40

You oughta know, brother.

1:40:401:40:43

You oughta know.

1:40:431:40:45

Subtitles by Subtitling Unit BBC Scotland - 2001

1:40:521:40:56

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