Two Tickets to Broadway


Two Tickets to Broadway

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I'm not hungry now. I was hungry last night, but not now.

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My brain keeps telling my stomach that my teeth are out of order!

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My stomach found out a long time ago that my brain is a liar!

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This Reader's Digest says you can go 72 hours without food,

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-then your body begins consuming your fat.

-From where?

-Doesn't say.

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I don't want a big meal.

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Just so I'll have strength enough to pull a trigger on a gun!

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-Where you gonna get one? You have to buy a gun.

-Right.

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We have a knife at home, haven't we?

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-Stab a man, they put you in jail.

-Lou Conway is a rat.

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True, but legally, he's a man.

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No, the smart thing to do is take him up the Empire State Building and push him off!

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-No witnesses!

-But it costs a dollar apiece to go up.

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I think you characters are being awfully unfair to Lou.

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Nobody asked you. Would you scratch my back?

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You thought it great when he got us the show!

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He forgot to say SHOWBOAT on Lake Chickamussie!

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Conway couldn't book Bob Hope in an army camp!

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He couldn't help the boat sinking!

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When we hit New York, you better shop around for a new boyfriend,

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because Mr Conway will be dead D-A-I-D, daid!

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SIRENS WAIL

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Boys? We're just trying to get to town before the bus, Officer.

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We're late to see Nancy Peterson off!

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Is Nancy leaving today? In that case, go ahead!

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BRASS BAND PLAYS

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# Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls High

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# Wonderful school, wonderful school, nobody will deny

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# We're ready to fight, we're ready to bite, we're ready to do or die

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# For Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls

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# Pelican Falls High! #

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HURRAY! # Nancy's ready Sis-Boom-Bah Nancy's leaving Boom-Rah-Rah! #

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-< Let's hear a song from Nancy!

-Our school song, please.

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# As on through life I wander

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# Here, or there, or yonder

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# I'll miss our dear old high school

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# It's humble, but it's my school

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# Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls High

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# Wonderful school, wonderful school, nobody will deny

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# We're ready to fight, we're ready to bite, we're ready to do or die

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# For Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls, for Pelican Falls High! #

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# Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls High

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# Wonderful school, wonderful school, nobody will deny

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# We're ready to fight, we're ready to bite, we're ready to do or die

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# For Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls, for Pelican Falls High! #

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CHEERING

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FANFARE

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TO THE TUNE OF "AULD LANG SYNE" # The classmates who have voted you

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# Most likely to succeed

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# Are gathered here to say adieu

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# And wish you God's speed

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# God's speed

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# Good luck, dear Nancy Peterson

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# We knew that you'd go far

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# You're Broadway bound, and you are bound

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# To be a Broadway star. #

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CHEERING

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The driver took your bag. Here's the check.

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BEEPING All aboard, New York!

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# She's our Nancy, she's our Nancy! #

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HOORAY!

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TO "YANKEE DOODLE" # Nancy had a freckled nose back in kindergarten

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# Now she'll have her name in lights, the same as Mary Martin!

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# Keep the music playing loud, keep the rhythm prancing

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# We're a very merry crowd and very proud of Nancy!

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# Though we hate to see her go, why be sad or solemn?

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# Soon her name will be in every syndicated column!

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# Keep the music playing loud, keep the rhythm prancing

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# We're a very merry crowd and very proud of Nancy!

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# What's the difference if she was Latin, French or German?

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# Nancy's gonna knock 'em cold, same as Ethel Merman!

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# Keep the music playing loud, keep the rhythm prancing

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# We're a very merry crowd... #

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That reminds me. I oughta write my mother.

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After two years? The shock'll kill her!

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I made you lunch fried chicken and potato salad!

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-Don't forget to wire us when you arrive!

-I won't. Bye!

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# Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls High

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# Wonderful school, wonderful school, nobody will deny

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# We're ready to fight, we're ready to bite, we're ready to do or die

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# For Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls, for Pelican Falls High!

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# Pelican Falls, Pelican Fa-a-alls

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# Hi-i-i-i-igh! #

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-Go ahead and cry, honey. Get it out of your system.

-It's silly.

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-That was quite a send off.

-Weren't they great?

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They gave me one in Indiana.

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Only trouble with those is, if you don't make good, you can't go back!

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-Can I squeeze in?

-Sure.

-I'll put your shoes up here.

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-No, Ma packed me a lunch.

-What a dear thing for her to do!

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After all that excitement, shouldn't you have some nourishment to calm your nerves?

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Food is a wonderful nerve tonic. I wouldn't wait for lunch.

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-I'm not nervous.

-You're excited, and excitement leads to nervousness.

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Oh, well, maybe I should.

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There, you feel better already, don't you?

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-There's nothing like mother's cooking.

-Would you like some?

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-I can't eat in a moving vehicle.

-Me either. I get nervous.

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If you're nervous, maybe we'd better eat!

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How did you know my name? Oh, the banners!

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They didn't say "So long, George"!

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-I'm Joyce Campbell. This is Hannah Holbrook.

-I'm SF Rogers.

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SF is for Silver Fox. Her mother expected a coat!

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-So, you're gonna be a Broadway star, huh?

-I'm gonna try.

-Nice.

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-We're in showbiz, too.

-Really? What do you do?

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Go ahead and tell her, Hannah.

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-We just closed in a real turkey.

-No, we SANK!

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-The showboat on Lake Chickamussie?!

-You heard about it?

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Everybody has. It was the laughing stock of Vermont!

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Yeah, it was hysterical(!)

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Maybe you can help us. How do they kill rats in Pelican Falls?

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Conway, you're a rat!

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-It's lucky you wear glasses!

-You've double crossed me for the last time!

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-No more stealing my clients' jobs for Danny Carter!

-Your clients? You've just got a desk!

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And you've a drawer in MY desk! Here, take your office and take your Danny Carter!

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I'll get out, but when I make a star of Dan Carter, you'll be begging for a drawer in MY office!

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-MUSIC: "O SOLE MIO"

-# There's no tomorrow

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# When love is here

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# Now is forever

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# When love is true

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# So kiss me and hold me tight

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# There's no tomorrow

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# There's just tonight

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# Ma na tu sole

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# Chiu belo oi ne

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# O sole mio

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# Sta infronte a te

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# O sole, O sole mio

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# Sta infronte a te

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# Sta infronte a te

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HUMS THE MELODY

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# There's no tomorrow

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# When love is new

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# Now is forever

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# When love is true

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# So kiss me and hold me tight

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# There's no tomorrow

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# There's just tonight. #

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LOUD CHATTER

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'We gotta get back to the studio in ten minutes.'

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-'Made that baloney and cheese?

-What am I? A magician?'

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-What's holding up the salami?

-The string. I didn't take it out yet!

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GENERAL CHATTER

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People, please! Is there a book-keeper in the crowd? A bookmaker?

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A bookmaker I got. I want a book-keeper. < I was one.

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Thanks, tell me, count up, how many arms have I got? Two!

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On each I only got one hand! What am I, an octopus?

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And what's good enough for my partner, same for me!

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When you're slicing, no talking!

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-Don't raise your voice at me. DON'T YOU DARE!

-If corn beef was cheaper, I'd hit you with one.

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Don't get excited. Remember your blood pressure.

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-You're the one with blood pressure!

-A better reason!

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Come on, Harry!

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You'll see us in ten minutes. If we don't go, we won't be ON!

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Too bad you're not a woman. I could have married you and left you!

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If I was a woman, I'd be so beautiful I wouldn't look on you!

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-Hello, boys.

-Hello, Dan!

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-If you were a woman, you'd be so ugly, I wouldn't marry you!

-Is that so?

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-Two turkey sandwiches to go.

-For Dan, anything.

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Since when do we let a customer interfere with an argument?

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-Especially one who owes us 9.00.

-It's 11.00.

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-OK, with Conway's share.

-Danny is good for it!

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-Actors are good for nothing!

-Harry, I'm not an actor any more.

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-In that case, I'll trust you.

-You've trusted me long enough.

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-This should do it.

-This is a deli, not a pawn shop!

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-Let me see that watch.

-It's a good watch.

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-It's worth 20.00.

-With these, it comes to 12.50 he owes us.

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-Here's an 8 watch change.

-And the sandwiches.

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Thanks, Leo... Harry. Well, I'll see you around.

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Next time I'm in New York.

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-What? He's not an actor any more?

-When WAS he an actor?

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To me, you ain't an actor unless you're on stage!

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Here's the corn beef. So with a bit of help it couldn't be a sandwich?

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So help the corn beef, never mind actors!

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-Can we pay the meat man with watches?

-He's got to know the time!

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-YOU don't know what time it is!

-I don't know(!)

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-He wants to help actors(!)

-I can help actors if I like it!

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You like it? Well, I don't like it!

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-Do I ask you to like it?

-Then don't ask me to ask you, don't you!

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-I'm liking actors!

-With my money!

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So I made mistakes investing in shows, but everybody does!

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The Great Zeigfield, he made some mistakes.

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-George Peabody made some mistakes.

-Who is he?

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He made nothing but mistakes!

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Harry, Leo, have you guys seen Dan?!

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He was just here. Where did he go?

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Who knows? He paid your bill with a watch and ordered two to go.

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To go? He went? But... Oh, no!

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-Did Hannah get you on the phone?

-They're up in Vermont.

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They were! She's been calling from every bus stop!

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That means the show has folded!

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It means the show has folded and you're cooked!

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Oh, well, one problem at a time.

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-I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Jump off it!

-To your left!

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MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH

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-Lou!

-Ahh!

-What are you doing?

-Where do you think you're going?

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-I'm going home to Denver!

-Oh, yeah?

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-You're crazy!

-You give up too easy.

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-Two empty years isn't easy!

-Two empty years is just an intermission!

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-I've got good news.

-Good news?

-Remember the Lake Chickamussie show?

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-It's a smash!

-No kidding?

-I got a call from Vermont.

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Biggest show ever. They're bringing it to Broadway!

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-What's that got to do with me?

-The male lead is the only weak thing.

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-Sings like a rusty hinge. They want you to replace him.

-When?

-When(?)

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When...

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-Well?

-Oh? Oh, when?! Er...

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Well, er...

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-Why are you so nervous?

-No, I'm excited!

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-We have to wait for the call.

-How long for?

-I'll cash your ticket.

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-But you...

-I used to handle a magician!

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"Arrived safely. Will wire details later. Love Nancy."

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-You said 68 cents?

-Yes.

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Oh, my bag!

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Oh, my bag's missing! Somebody's taken my...!

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Officer, those men are stealing my bag!

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INAUDIBLE

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-Hold it, boys.

-What's the matter?

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-I don't like to be nosy, but is that your bag?

-It's MINE!

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Did he steal her bag? She said so!

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-You're mistaken, Miss.

-I'm not!

-Make him open it up!

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An excellent idea, but before we do, can you describe the contents?

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-Or is it too personal?

-No...

-If it is, perhaps he'd like to describe HIS contents!

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-On top is a green dress with white polka dots.

-White polka dots?

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Now then, with this fascinating clue, we'll proceed. OPEN IT!

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-That's MY mother, I'm sure of that.

-Oh, I'm terribly sorry!

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If that's HIS mother, how can this be her bag?

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Thank you, Mrs District Attorney!

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-Is this yours, Miss? I picked it up by mistake.

-Oh, yes, thank you.

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I'm sorry, I thought it was my bag! You can see that they're practically identical.

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I...I...Oh, bye!

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Thank goodness! I do so hate to arrest people.

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TAXI! TAXI!

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Hey... Well, of ALL the nerve!

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-Friendly little island, eh?

-I'll get a cab.

-They don't have to be so...

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-Oh!

-You haven't seen anything. Try the subway!

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Wait a minute, friend, the lady's from out of town!

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Who isn't?

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Thanks!

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Some dame, huh? Bag!

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I'll wash up, then we'll go get some coffee.

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-What about that call?

-The call? Oh, THAT!

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They'll call any minute and THEN we'll get some coffee.

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Say, how am I gonna look in a green dress with white polka dots?

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Very pretty!

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Oh, no!

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How will she look in a four-year-old tuxedo?

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-You better get that back to her.

-Yeah, poor kid!

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-Where did she tell the cab driver?

-Er...the...

-Theatre Club!

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I'd go, but I don't want to blow this call. See you at the deli at 10.30.

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PHONE RINGS

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-Hello?

-Is that the call?

-It's long distance!

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-Hello?

-Hello, Lou? It's me, Hannah.

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Oh, er...yes, sir.

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Sir? Lou, the showboat sank! The girls are furious! They're coming to get you!

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Sorry, the terms are just the same

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300 a week, plus a run of the play contract. Decide by 10.00 tonight.

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-No, take anything!

-If we don't hear by then, we double the salary.

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-What are you doing?!

-I'm working a deal! They're desperate!

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They're sunk! Go get your bag, you may have to leave tonight!

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Leaving tonight...

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MOUTHS

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-Ah-ha!

-AHH!

-Sneaking out as usual!

-I wasn't sneaking out! I...

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ANGRY SHOUTING

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Get away! Get away!

0:24:360:24:39

-Lou, darling, are you all right?

-Yes.

-Are you sure?

-Yes.

0:24:390:24:43

-KNOCKING > Miss Peterson?

-Yes?

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-There's a gentleman downstairs about a suitcase.

-Oh, there is?

-Yes.

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Tell him I'll be right down!

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Hi.

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Hi.

0:25:160:25:18

The green dress with white polka dots wrong size.

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Oh, thank goodness! You don't know what I've...well, I've...

0:25:230:25:28

I...hnn!

0:25:280:25:30

-What's the matter?

-I tried to find out who you were,

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-or where you were. I ransacked your bag looking for an address!

-Easy.

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-How did you know where to get me?

-You told the cab driver.

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-Oh.

-That's better.

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Everything I own is in that bag. All my clothing and 120.

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-I didn't know about that.

-I don't think it would have made a difference.

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I'll be sure I've got the right one this time. My mother made this.

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If you'll wait a few minutes, I'll repack it neatly.

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It's OK, besides, I've only got 12 minutes.

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Club rules visitors on weekdays till 10.00.

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11.00 weekends, no males above the first floor at any time.

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Oh. Well, would you like to sit down for the 12 minutes?

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Thanks.

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Evidently, you've been here often.

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-I know a lot of the kids.

-Are you in showbiz?

0:26:320:26:35

-More or less. Mostly less. Cigarette?

-Thanks.

0:26:350:26:39

-What do you do?

-Well, I sing...I think.

0:26:390:26:43

-What about you?

-I sing, I'm beginning to doubt.

0:26:430:26:47

-Professionally?

-Professionally, but seldom.

0:26:470:26:50

Oh, that would suit me, even seldom.

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New York's a pretty tough town.

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My father said New York is just like Pelican Falls, only taller.

0:26:560:27:02

-Danny Carter!

-Tina!

-How have you been?

0:27:020:27:06

Fine.

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-Tina Moore, best screamer in radio.

-Screamer?

0:27:080:27:12

-Gets 45 a scream, that's minimum union scale.

-Really?

-Sure!

0:27:120:27:17

Danny how does that line go after "The great big city's a wondrous toy"?

0:27:170:27:24

# Just made for a girl and boy... #

0:27:240:27:27

-Come and sing it for us.

-Please do!

-Do you know the kids?

-Not yet.

0:27:270:27:33

-What's your name?

-Nancy Peterson.

0:27:330:27:35

-I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine, Nancy Peterson. Tina Moore.

-Hello.

-Hello.

0:27:350:27:42

-Sarah Lee Marshall.

-Hi.

-Come on, Danny.

0:27:420:27:45

# Summer journeys to Niagra

0:27:450:27:47

# And to other places aggravate all our cares

0:27:470:27:51

# We'll save our fares

0:27:510:27:53

# I've a cosy little flat in what is known as old Manhattan

0:27:530:27:58

# We'll settle down right here in town

0:27:580:28:03

# We'll have Manhattan, the Bronx and Staten Island too

0:28:030:28:09

# It's lovely going through the zoo

0:28:090:28:17

# It's very fancy on old Delancey Street, you know

0:28:180:28:23

# The subways charm us so

0:28:230:28:27

# When balmy breezes blow to and fro

0:28:270:28:33

# And tell me what street compares with Mott Street in July

0:28:330:28:37

# Sweet pushcarts gently gliding by

0:28:370:28:45

# The great big city's a wondrous toy

0:28:450:28:50

# Just made for a girl and boy

0:28:500:28:54

# We'll turn Manhattan into an isle of joy... #

0:28:540:29:03

-Come on.

-But I can't...!

-You can!

0:29:030:29:06

# And tell me what street compares with Mott Street in July

0:29:060:29:11

# Sweet pushcarts gently gliding by

0:29:110:29:17

# The great big city's a wondrous toy

0:29:180:29:22

# Just made for a girl and boy

0:29:220:29:26

# We'll turn Manhattan into an isle of wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful joy. #

0:29:260:29:32

OK, come on, that new girl routine!

0:29:350:29:38

Curtain going up! Get your tickets!

0:29:380:29:41

They do this great.

0:29:430:29:45

TAXI! TAXI!

0:30:140:30:16

# It's very fancy on old Delancey Street, you know

0:31:020:31:08

# The subway charms us so

0:31:080:31:11

# When balmy breezes blow to and fro

0:31:110:31:16

# Doo doo doo-doo-doo doo doo doo-doo-doo doo doo doo

0:31:160:31:21

COUGH >

0:31:210:31:23

Uh, uh, uh!

0:31:310:31:34

# And South Pacific is a terrific show they say

0:31:430:31:48

-I've seen it!

-# We both may see it close someday

0:31:480:31:53

-I doubt that. Can you read?

-# The city's bustle can never spoil

0:31:530:31:58

# The dreams of a boy and GOIL!

0:31:580:32:03

# The great big city's a wondrous toy

0:32:120:32:16

# But every girl ought to have a boy

0:32:160:32:22

# Oooh-ooh! They'll turn Manhattan into an isle of joy!

0:32:220:32:33

# Aaah! #

0:32:330:32:35

PHONE RINGS

0:32:350:32:37

MUSIC DROWNS CHATTER

0:32:390:32:41

Oh, it's beautiful. Just beautiful!

0:32:440:32:47

Actually, Pelican Falls isn't very different from New York.

0:32:470:32:52

We see the same movies, eat the same breakfast foods.

0:32:520:32:56

-Right.

-Maybe years ago, girls from small towns were different,

0:32:560:33:01

but I think we're just the same now.

0:33:010:33:04

I couldn't tell you from a girl born in New York.

0:33:040:33:07

People attracted to show business are especially sophisticated.

0:33:070:33:12

-Do you believe that?

-I do.

0:33:120:33:15

Our whole thinking is sophisticated.

0:33:150:33:19

-Yes, it is.

-Even our behaviour.

0:33:190:33:21

That's why we fit. We're extroverts.

0:33:210:33:24

-We are.

-And extroverts let their emotions go.

0:33:240:33:28

-Part of showbiz. You can't have one without the other.

-No, of course not.

0:33:280:33:33

The moment I saw you, I knew you belonged in showbiz.

0:33:330:33:37

-Your sophistication.

-I suppose it shows.

0:33:370:33:40

-You sure are sophisticated.

-I...I'm not always.

0:33:400:33:44

It comes...and goes.

0:33:440:33:47

-Why are you trembling?

-I'm not trembling.

0:33:470:33:50

You little, small town hick.

0:33:500:33:52

What do you mean by letting a strange man talk you into this?

0:33:520:33:57

-Extrovert(!) You don't even know what it means!

-I do! It's...

0:33:570:34:02

No.

0:34:030:34:04

No. No difference between Pelican Falls and New York?

0:34:040:34:08

You act like a small town girl and you ARE a small town girl!

0:34:080:34:13

-Well, I'm sorry!

-Know what you remind me of? My sister.

0:34:130:34:17

And the little one, not the big one!

0:34:170:34:20

Next time somebody gives you a routine about sophistication, what'll you do?

0:34:200:34:26

Lean forward.

0:34:260:34:28

That's the only place you're to be kissed by anybody.

0:34:300:34:35

-Ever?

-Well...for a long time.

0:34:350:34:38

How will I know when to switch?

0:34:380:34:41

I'll tell you when.

0:34:410:34:44

# The great big city's a wondrous toy

0:34:450:34:49

# Just made for a girl and boy

0:34:490:34:54

BOTH: # We'll turn Manhattan into an isle of joy. #

0:34:540:35:03

Cats are cats, no matter how many legs they've got!

0:35:070:35:11

-What, dear?

-For a girl who loves me, you got a pretty good left!

0:35:110:35:16

-If I didn't love you, would I nurse you?

-Is this OK on top of an aspirin?

0:35:160:35:21

Of course, as long as I gave you the bicarbonate first.

0:35:210:35:25

Ooh!

0:35:270:35:29

Lou, you should have sent us bus fare!

0:35:290:35:32

For a quiz show, it might interest you that the average Vermont turkey

0:35:320:35:38

-has 4,654 feathers...

-Uh-huh.

-Including the neck!

0:35:380:35:42

-Lou, I want to ask you a question.

-The Vermont turkey has...

0:35:420:35:47

No, I'm serious. And I want an honest answer.

0:35:470:35:50

-Do you still have my engagement ring?

-Certainly!

0:35:500:35:54

What?! It's at the jeweller's!

0:35:540:35:57

You said you wanted it tightened.

0:35:570:35:59

I want it so tight you can't slip it off!

0:35:590:36:03

-It's been in hock so much, I'm nearly engaged to the pawnbroker!

-It's at the jeweller's. Believe me!

0:36:030:36:10

Why doesn't anybody ever take MY word?!

0:36:100:36:14

Everybody's against me! It's a plot! The world doesn't want me around.

0:36:140:36:19

I think I'll resign from the human race.

0:36:190:36:23

-Aren't you going to stop me?

-Nope.

0:36:290:36:32

Then this is the end. Goodbye.

0:36:350:36:37

Bye.

0:36:370:36:39

Oh, baby! Oh, baby!

0:36:390:36:41

When I hold you like this, I get such wonderful ideas!

0:36:470:36:52

I...

0:36:550:36:56

-I just got the greatest idea of my life!

-What?

0:36:580:37:02

-Television!

-I think somebody already thought of it.

0:37:020:37:06

I mean you, Foxy, Joyce, Dan all my clients in one package.

0:37:060:37:11

-All of us together?

-It's a sensational act!

0:37:110:37:14

If you can get the girls, I'll swing Dan!

0:37:140:37:17

-But it takes money. Material, costumes!

-I can swing that.

0:37:170:37:21

Poor Harry and Leo shouldn't slave all their lives in some deli.

0:37:210:37:26

They're such dolls. They deserve something better.

0:37:260:37:30

If I let them invest in this act, why, they can retire in a year!

0:37:300:37:35

Sure... if they sell the store!

0:37:350:37:38

They won't fall for another of your schemes!

0:37:380:37:41

Wait, I just have to tell them that I'm not in on it.

0:37:410:37:45

Shrewd, baby! Are you with me?

0:37:450:37:48

Aren't I always?

0:37:490:37:51

Oh, Hannah, from now on, we'll head straight for the top!

0:37:510:37:55

I'll wrap that beautiful body in mink,

0:37:550:37:58

I'll get your ring out of hock, and...

0:37:580:38:01

-Take one step towards me and I'll jump!

-I knew it!

0:38:010:38:05

You're no good! I need a psychiatrist. I must be nuts!

0:38:050:38:09

I know you for what you are, but I love you!

0:38:090:38:13

Oh, baby!

0:38:140:38:16

You'll never be sorry!

0:38:160:38:19

# Baby, you'll never be blue

0:38:190:38:22

# On the other hand, the things that we planned

0:38:220:38:27

# Might not exactly come true

0:38:270:38:31

# Baby, you'll never be sorry

0:38:310:38:34

# Neither will I ever be

0:38:340:38:38

# You deserve the best. Put me to the test

0:38:380:38:42

# And leave the rest to me!

0:38:420:38:46

Oh! Go back! I mean...er...

0:38:470:38:50

# You're a fake and you're fickle and you're not worth a nickel

0:38:500:38:54

# But I love you!

0:38:540:38:57

# You're a flop and you fizzle and you cheat and you chisel!

0:38:570:39:01

# But I love you!

0:39:010:39:03

# You remind me of a comic valentine!

0:39:030:39:07

# And I know you're only handing me a line

0:39:070:39:11

# Honey, you're too suspicious, but your lips look delicious

0:39:110:39:15

# And they should be pressed to mine!

0:39:150:39:18

-# No sirree, no surrender!

-I could be very tender, if you'd let me!

0:39:180:39:24

# I'm a slave in your power

0:39:240:39:27

# And in less than an hour, you'd forget me!

0:39:270:39:31

# If you ever need a friend, I'll never fail

0:39:320:39:35

# But to find you, I would have to go to JAIL!

0:39:350:39:39

# Yes, I guess I'm a mess

0:39:440:39:48

# But I blushingly confess

0:39:480:39:52

# You're the mess for me!

0:39:520:39:56

GEE!

0:39:560:39:59

# Baby, you'll never be sorry!

0:39:590:40:02

# Baby, you'll never be blue!

0:40:020:40:05

# You're a counterfeit, and yet I admit

0:40:050:40:09

# I've got a feeling for you

0:40:090:40:12

# Baby, we're gonna be wealthy

0:40:120:40:15

# Honey, I've got it all planned

0:40:150:40:18

# Maybe I'm a dope

0:40:180:40:20

# Still I'm always hopeful when you hold my hand

0:40:200:40:26

# Baby, ain't love grand?

0:40:260:40:32

# Baby, ain't love grand? #

0:40:400:40:46

That was a very pretty girl you came in with the other night.

0:40:520:40:56

She reminds me of another pretty girl I knew, who was also pretty.

0:40:560:41:01

-Nancy is a pretty girl.

-That's what I was saying!

0:41:010:41:06

-Why are you still living with Conway?

-It's not Lou's fault I'm a failure.

0:41:060:41:11

First you gotta do something and fail and from THIS you become a failure!

0:41:110:41:17

He's right, but don't listen, he's always wrong!

0:41:170:41:20

Do you handle cigarettes? Handle? We sell them.

0:41:200:41:25

-In the machine!

-Oh, yes, thank you.

0:41:250:41:29

-Say, but aren't you Dan... Dan...?

-Carter.

-Dan Carter, of course!

0:41:290:41:34

I heard you at the Runyon Benefit last month, but you got away before I could see you.

0:41:340:41:40

-Oh, yes, at the Winter Garden.

-What a voice!

0:41:400:41:44

Bob Crosby said to me that you were going places!

0:41:440:41:48

-Bob Crosby?

-Yes. My name is Denis McGiven.

0:41:480:41:52

-I produce Bob's show.

-The television show?

0:41:520:41:56

-Of course.

-Well, I'm glad to know you.

0:41:560:41:59

-Won't you join me?

-Thank you. I have a moment.

0:41:590:42:03

-Did you hear what he said? Bob Crosby.

-I can say that, too Bob Crosby!

0:42:030:42:09

You are an excellent baritone, Mr Carter.

0:42:090:42:12

But Bob feels, and I agree, that if you could whip up some sort of production,

0:42:120:42:19

say, surround yourself with a few girls,

0:42:190:42:22

talented girls, I'm sure your agent can...

0:42:220:42:26

-You do have an agent, of course?

-Oh, sure. Lou Conway.

0:42:260:42:32

Conway? He's been trying to see me for weeks about a singer!

0:42:320:42:36

-This IS a coincidence!

-Just shows, you never know!

0:42:360:42:40

When you're ready, have Lou contact me and I guarantee you a spot!

0:42:400:42:46

Mr McGiven, this is the break I've been waiting for!

0:42:460:42:50

Compliments of the Palace Delicatessen.

0:42:500:42:53

Thank you. Now, get to work on that, Dan.

0:42:530:42:56

-Yes, sir!

-Goodbye. My regards to Conway.

-Bye, Mr McGiven!

0:42:560:43:01

See? Talent!

0:43:010:43:03

Well? Ah, magnificent!

0:43:030:43:06

The hook has been given, the fish but await the fisherman.

0:43:060:43:11

Great!

0:43:110:43:12

Lou, I was just calling you.

0:43:210:43:24

-Call me anything. I'm through!

-What happened you wouldn't believe unless you saw it with my own eyes!

0:43:240:43:30

I'll tell him, and if you hear good news from me, it's impossible!

0:43:300:43:35

-Lou, know who was here? A friend of yours, Denis McGiven.

-FRIEND(?)

0:43:350:43:39

-I can't get in to see him!

-He promised me a TV spot.

0:43:390:43:43

-With girls.

-Pretty girls. I heard it!

0:43:430:43:46

-No.

-If you told us, we wouldn't believe it, but we're telling you!

0:43:460:43:51

You're trying to make me feel good. I wouldn't if you'd a headache and

0:43:510:43:58

This is the break we've been dying for!

0:43:580:44:01

The more I think of his idea, the more I like it.

0:44:010:44:05

We'll do an act with three girls in the background.

0:44:050:44:09

Good idea. Why didn't I think of it?

0:44:090:44:13

-Foxy, Joyce and Hannah!

-And Nancy. We'd work great.

0:44:130:44:17

OK. We'll whip up the flashiest act TV's ever seen!

0:44:170:44:22

Danny Carter and his Girlfriends!

0:44:220:44:25

Enough!

0:44:260:44:28

Come on, let's get the girls on the phone!

0:44:280:44:31

Wait a minute! We were all getting excited.

0:44:310:44:34

We can't put an act together with just ideas.

0:44:340:44:38

We need material, arrangements, costumes. That takes money.

0:44:380:44:43

It won't take mine! But we could make such a smash act,

0:44:430:44:48

there's must be somebody smart enough to put up the money?

0:44:480:44:52

Anybody smart enough to have money won't even talk to you!

0:44:520:44:57

-I'm going to shut up.

-For pity's sake, why aggravate yourself?

0:44:570:45:01

-Did he ASK you for money?

-I know the way he thinks!

0:45:010:45:05

Before he asks, my answer is a negative yes and that's a positive no!

0:45:050:45:10

Is that so? To my way of thinking, your way of thinking is no way of thinking!

0:45:100:45:17

-Lou, how much would it take?

-What difference? We haven't got it.

0:45:170:45:23

But if you ain't got it, maybe somebody else has got it.

0:45:230:45:27

Maybe somebody else won't give it!

0:45:270:45:30

If somebody else doesn't, maybe somebody else might.

0:45:300:45:34

And that somebody else will make a fortune!

0:45:340:45:38

But you can spend your life slicing salami and stuff.

0:45:380:45:43

A man would be a fool to pass this up.

0:45:430:45:46

If you put up the money, you'd own 10% of the act!

0:45:460:45:50

-What 10%? 20%!

-What 20%? 40%! You got a deal!

0:45:500:45:54

Say Lou, let's take the Yucatan number.

0:45:590:46:03

That wasn't bad, but you need to take the end better.

0:46:240:46:28

Someday, you'll be sorry! I'll be a big man!

0:46:320:46:36

Hey, look! Joyce, look! My picture's in the paper!

0:47:130:47:17

-Must you always be so clumsy!

-I'm sorry, Dan.

-Watch it!

0:47:280:47:32

OK, let's hear the music again.

0:47:320:47:35

# Baby, you'll never be sorry

0:47:350:47:39

# Baby, you'll never be blue

0:47:390:47:43

# On the other hand, the things that you planned

0:47:430:47:47

# Might not exactly come true... #

0:47:470:47:51

Oh, thank you. Hello, Harry, is Dan here?

0:48:150:48:19

-He's outside, playing piano.

-In the rain?

-Where he's playing, it isn't raining.

0:48:190:48:25

-Hi, Dan.

-Hi, want to hear a great tune?

0:48:350:48:38

-Yes, but first hear this letter.

-OK.

0:48:380:48:41

-Coffee?

-No, thanks.

-Cigarette?

-No. It's from my mother.

0:48:410:48:46

"Dear Nancy, your letter arrived last week...Dad's back is better..."

0:48:460:48:51

Oh, here's the part "Everyone in Pelican Falls is excited about your big chance.

0:48:510:48:57

"It was even more thrilling when Hugo Sanders..." He's editor of the paper.

0:48:570:49:03

"..volunteered to put a large television set in the school auditorium

0:49:030:49:09

-"so everyone can watch your TV debut together."

-We're a hit before we start!

0:49:090:49:15

-What about the new tune?

-Oh, the tune!

0:49:150:49:18

Come on, sit down. I've been working on it.

0:49:180:49:22

-I thought it might be right for us.

-Really?

0:49:220:49:25

# The closer you are

0:49:250:49:28

I like it!

0:49:280:49:30

# The brighter the stars glow

0:49:300:49:34

# Which shows that the stars know

0:49:340:49:38

# The way I feel

0:49:380:49:42

It's pretty.

0:49:420:49:44

# The closer you are

0:49:440:49:46

# The stronger my arms grow

0:49:460:49:51

# Which shows that my arms know

0:49:510:49:55

# My love is real

0:49:550:50:00

# Hold me till the silver dawn

0:50:000:50:07

# Even if you leave

0:50:070:50:11

# Never will the thrill be gone

0:50:110:50:18

# The closer you are

0:50:180:50:23

# The wilder my heart goes

0:50:230:50:27

# For even my heart knows

0:50:270:50:31

# You should be

0:50:310:50:38

# Closer and closer

0:50:380:50:45

# To me. #

0:50:460:50:52

Oh, that's beautiful!

0:50:540:50:57

-Like it?

-Yes.

0:50:570:50:59

# The closer you are

0:51:170:51:21

# The brighter the stars glow... #

0:51:210:51:26

APPLAUSE

0:52:260:52:27

# The closer you are

0:52:300:52:35

# The wilder my heart goes

0:52:350:52:40

# For even my heart knows

0:52:400:52:44

# You should be

0:52:440:52:48

# Closer and closer... #

0:52:480:52:55

THUNDERCLAP

0:52:550:52:56

Hi ho, Silver!

0:53:160:53:19

Hiya, Daisy!

0:53:190:53:22

I've had enough of this. It reminds me of Lake Chickamussie!

0:53:240:53:28

Keep rowing. TV makes you ten pounds heavier!

0:53:280:53:32

-QUIVERY VOICE

-# The closer you are, the brighter the stars grow

0:53:320:53:37

# Which shows that the stars know the way I feel! #

0:53:370:53:40

Lovely, lovely, thank you(!)

0:53:400:53:43

-Foxy, I don't know why you're trying to lose weight.

-She's just trying to rearrange it.

0:53:450:53:51

-Hope I didn't reduce my caboose for nothing.

-Nothing?

0:53:510:53:55

-The Crosby Show's nothing?

-No, but when do we go on?

0:53:550:53:59

Don't blame Lou. Rome wasn't built in a day.

0:53:590:54:03

If Lou had been involved, Rome never would have been!

0:54:030:54:07

-You oughta know, you worked on it!

-Come on, what we need is fresh air.

0:54:070:54:12

That's a swell idea! Wait for me.

0:54:120:54:14

Hey, can someone turn it off! Turn it off!

0:54:150:54:19

You know something? My motor's still running!

0:54:230:54:27

Wouldn't it be great to rehearse in Central Park?

0:54:360:54:40

-Be better if we could get to work, already!

-You sound like Harry.

0:54:400:54:45

Save some peanuts, Nancy. If we don't work soon, we'll need them!

0:54:450:54:49

-We'll work when Crosby sees the act. Dan promised.

-That's good enough for me.

0:54:490:54:55

-When do we audition?

-Dan doesn't want us to be seen until we're perfect.

0:54:550:55:01

-So we just rehearse!

-I don't want a break when I'm old and ugly.

0:55:010:55:06

I want one while I'm young and ugly.

0:55:060:55:08

You'll make me worry and Nancy worry, and the act will be known as Dan Carter and his Four Worry Birds!

0:55:080:55:16

-Hannah's absolutely right.

-Well, look who is here!

-What is that?

0:55:160:55:21

Get a load of that schnozz!

0:55:210:55:23

-That's...an Australian worry-bird.

-What?

0:55:230:55:27

-Girls, your worries are over?

-Why?

0:55:270:55:30

# Everyone has his share of care and woe

0:55:300:55:35

# Even in Lover's Lane there's rain and snow

0:55:350:55:41

# We all have to pay the piper

0:55:410:55:44

# So why be a gloomy griper?

0:55:440:55:48

# Forget regret, don't let it get you low

0:55:480:55:52

# No

0:55:520:55:54

-# Let the worry-bird worry for you

-What?

0:55:540:55:58

-# Let the worry-bird fuss and stew

-Huh?

0:55:580:56:01

-# He's a wonderful pet and when you get the jitters...

-Yes?

0:56:010:56:05

-# He twitters.

-Oh!

0:56:050:56:07

# Let the worry-bird worry his head

0:56:070:56:09

# Have the time of your life instead

0:56:090:56:12

# What's a tumble or two as long as you can keep well

0:56:120:56:17

# Sleep well?

0:56:170:56:19

# Every cloud is silver lined

0:56:190:56:24

# Bear that in mind

0:56:240:56:26

# When Old Man Trouble gets tough and the going gets rough

0:56:260:56:30

# Let the worry-bird worry for you

0:56:300:56:33

# It's remarkable what he'll do

0:56:330:56:36

# He'll consider it fun to be your understudy

0:56:360:56:40

# So, buddy

0:56:400:56:43

# Why should you be blue?

0:56:430:56:45

# Let the worry-bird sing the blues for you... #

0:56:450:56:49

Worry-bird!

0:58:040:58:05

Worry-bird!

0:58:060:58:08

Worry-bird!

0:58:090:58:11

# Let the worry-bird worry for you

0:58:230:58:28

# Why should you be blue?

0:58:370:58:39

# Let the worry-bird sing the blues for you! #

0:58:390:58:46

Look, come back Saturday, I don't need a bath!

0:59:120:59:16

-Your father's, of course.

-I gotta see the real McGiven!

0:59:180:59:22

You're in trouble because everyone on Broadway knows you lie!

0:59:220:59:26

-It's hereditary!

-Your ancestors have lied you into a tight spot.

0:59:260:59:31

I'll lie till Crosby sees this act and finds out I wasn't lying!

0:59:310:59:36

Lou, the kids are going to find out about Crosby.

0:59:360:59:41

-I'll get us out of this mess.

-You better.

-Don't you believe me?

-Sure.

0:59:410:59:46

-Atta girl!

-There's just one thing you should know.

0:59:460:59:49

-What?

-I come from a long line of liars myself.

0:59:490:59:53

Oh, baby. I know that, but you know I love you...

0:59:530:59:57

-I need less rehearsal and more liniment.

-I need new legs!

1:00:011:00:05

Foxy, I want to run the ballad. Will you play it? Sure.

1:00:051:00:10

# The closer you are... #

1:00:101:00:12

That's a good tempo.

1:00:121:00:14

-# The brighter the stars glow... #

-It feels right.

1:00:141:00:19

# Which shows that the stars know

1:00:191:00:22

# The way I feel... #

1:00:221:00:25

-It's no good! The whole thing is no good!

-What? It's beautiful!

1:00:251:00:31

-What's the trouble?

-You're supposed to be in love with her!

1:00:311:00:35

But the way you look, you call that love? Friendship, that is!

1:00:351:00:39

YOU could do it better, Mr Romeo and Juliet?!

1:00:391:00:44

Sing, positively not, but look, absolutely yes!

1:00:441:00:48

-Harry, do it!

-Sing it Bing!

1:00:481:00:51

Show us. Make like I'm a beautiful girl, look on me!

1:00:511:00:56

Never mind the singing, but watch how I'm looking!

1:00:561:01:00

-Dis is real love!

-Yes.

1:01:021:01:04

-# The closer you are

-# La-dee-dee-da-da

1:01:041:01:09

-# The stronger my arms grow

-# His arms are growing!

1:01:091:01:13

-# Know that my arms know

-# Smart arms

1:01:131:01:16

-# My love is real

-# Fighting with the love!

1:01:161:01:21

-# Hold me...

-# Don't you let me FALL! #

1:01:211:01:24

You see, that's what you call real love!

1:01:241:01:27

(Put this over for me.) (Indeed, I shall.)

1:01:301:01:33

-Hi, everybody!

-Oh, Mr McGiven!

-Good afternoon, Dan.

1:01:331:01:37

-This is Nancy Peterson.

-How do you do?

1:01:371:01:40

-You know Harry and Leo.

-Gentlemen.

-And the rest of the act.

1:01:401:01:45

-Girls. > Why, Mr McGiven!

-Why, hello!

1:01:451:01:50

LOU: Give them the good news.

1:01:501:01:52

Of course. Now, Lou has assured me the act is in excellent shape.

1:01:521:01:57

-Beautiful!

-And that you're ready to be seen.

1:01:571:02:02

I've just left Bob Crosby and we've arranged to look at it on Wednesday.

1:02:021:02:07

-Wonderful!

-But Bob wants to give you every opportunity to look good.

1:02:071:02:12

So, instead of auditioning you on a barren stage,

1:02:121:02:16

we've arranged for you to play a benefit in the magnificently appointed Plaza Room.

1:02:161:02:22

EXCITED BABBLE

1:02:221:02:25

-What?

-What is this bit?

1:02:311:02:33

What bit? It's a benefit. Somebody's bound to be there and like the act.

1:02:331:02:39

-And it gives you longer to stall.

-Certainly, that's the whole idea!

1:02:391:02:44

APPLAUSE

1:02:501:02:52

LOU: Kids, you were dynamite!

1:03:001:03:03

-Where's Crosby?

-Didn't he think Danny was just great?

1:03:031:03:07

-Yes, too great.

-What do you mean?

1:03:071:03:10

Come on, kids, let's take another bow.

1:03:101:03:13

They were great! I wish you were the real McGiven! So do I.

1:03:131:03:18

-What's going on?

-What's this about Crosby?

1:03:201:03:24

The dirty heel! Tell them, Mac.

1:03:241:03:27

Well, this is very difficult.

1:03:271:03:30

After your first number, Bob went back to his own rehearsal.

1:03:301:03:34

He felt... he just doesn't want a singer as good as Dan on his show.

1:03:341:03:40

A singer as good as Dan...? I don't understand.

1:03:401:03:45

That's showbiz. Comics don't want comics, singers don't want singers.

1:03:451:03:50

-Right, Hannah?

-I've never heard anything like that!

1:03:501:03:54

Mike OK. Mike check OK, Marie. Thank you, Charlie.

1:04:071:04:13

GENERAL BUSTLE

1:04:161:04:18

-Is 15 OK, Bob?

-15? That's a nice round number.

1:04:221:04:26

-OK, girls, report for fitting. I'll go check on wardrobe.

-Fine, Denis.

1:04:261:04:32

-What's your name, honey?

-June Paul.

1:04:331:04:36

June Paul.

1:04:361:04:38

-This call was for rehearsal clothes.

-I'm not rehearsing, thank you.

1:04:381:04:43

-I want to see you, Mr Crosby.

-What's your problem, honey?

1:04:451:04:49

My father said New York is just like Pelican Falls only taller.

1:04:491:04:53

It's taller, meaner and nastier! And you're about the meanest of all!

1:04:531:04:58

-Now what did I do?

-You oughta be ashamed of yourself!

-Me?

1:04:581:05:02

You promised Dan Carter a spot if he got an act together and he did! A wonderful act!

1:05:021:05:08

Too good for you! Where I come from, a man's promise is more than words!

1:05:081:05:14

Whoa! Sit down, take it easy. Start from the top and fill me in.

1:05:141:05:19

You finally see us and your petty ego goes to work and you walk out!

1:05:191:05:24

-You of all people, Bob Crosby! Your brother wouldn't do that!

-Everett's a nice guy.

1:05:241:05:30

Bing has other singers on HIS show!

1:05:301:05:33

-Bing's not afraid of competition.

-Bob?

-Nancy Peterson, Denis McGiven.

1:05:331:05:38

-How do you do?

-Why...he's not Mr McGiven!

1:05:381:05:42

Your Mr Carter's been taking you for a Broadway sleigh ride.

1:05:421:05:46

Oh, but...

1:05:471:05:49

Why would Dan build up an act, build up my hopes?

1:05:491:05:53

-Or Harry and Leo and the money they invested?

-Now you got it.

1:05:531:05:57

Deal like this, I figure, somebody's being taken for a loop.

1:05:571:06:02

Oh, no...Dan wouldn't! He...he just couldn't!

1:06:021:06:07

Always the guy who wouldn't who does. I think you've got more going for you than just an act.

1:06:071:06:14

Your Mr Carter isn't worth it.

1:06:141:06:17

-What's that all about?

-Must be some kind of a swindle.

1:06:251:06:29

FAINTLY: # Good luck to Nancy Peterson

1:06:381:06:42

# We knew that you'd go far

1:06:421:06:46

# You're Broadway bound and you are bound

1:06:461:06:53

# To be a Broadway star. #

1:06:531:07:00

-KNOCKING

-Come in.

1:07:551:07:57

Well, I checked the bus schedule for you.

1:07:571:08:01

There's a 9.00 bus to Boston. You can connect there for Pelican Falls.

1:08:011:08:06

Thank you.

1:08:061:08:07

Are you quite sure, dear, there's nothing more I can do?

1:08:071:08:12

-No.

-Well, if there is, why, you let me know.

1:08:121:08:17

After all, you're one of our very sweetest young ladies and...

1:08:171:08:21

Oh! Why, Nancy... why, this is your favourite!

1:08:221:08:28

It was.

1:08:281:08:30

Oh. If you don't want it any more, one of the girls...

1:08:301:08:35

Oh, give it to any of them, I don't care!

1:08:351:08:39

I will, indeed, I will.

1:08:391:08:41

Remember, dear, if there's anything, anything at all you want, let me know.

1:08:411:08:47

If anyone calls, would you tell them you don't know where I am?

1:08:471:08:53

-Yes, of course I will.

-Thank you.

1:08:531:08:56

-Mr Carter, Mr Crosby will see you now.

-Thanks, It's about time.

1:09:001:09:05

Ssh!

1:09:101:09:11

(Please don't rattle the paper. She'll hear. The doorman's been throwing me out every day.)

1:09:111:09:18

COUGHING > (Ssh! Please don't cough.)

1:09:201:09:23

(I don't want her to hear. The doorman didn't recognise me without a disguise.)

1:09:231:09:30

-Just a minute, young man.

-Ssshh!

1:09:311:09:34

-Have you got a pass?

-(Please, the doorman!)

1:09:341:09:37

-(Is Bob Crosby in?

-Yes, he is.)

1:09:371:09:40

-(I'm sneaking in. You just go on with your typing.

-Oh, fine.)

1:09:401:09:46

That was OK for a rehearsal, but tonight, let's own the horns, OK?

1:09:511:09:56

Thank you, Marie. How was the balance? Very good.

1:09:561:10:00

Duke, watch those microphone shadows.

1:10:001:10:04

Den, that opening commercial, a bit corny?

1:10:041:10:08

-Sells the product.

-Mr Crosby, I'm Dan Carter. I'd like to talk to you.

1:10:081:10:12

-And I you.

-Mr Crosby...

-This is the kid I saw at the Runyon Benefit.

1:10:121:10:18

Must I go through that again? Denis McGiven told me.

1:10:181:10:22

-I'm Denis McGiven.

-You're McGiven? What IS this?

-We'd like to know!

1:10:221:10:27

Let's go and talk this thing over.

1:10:271:10:30

-We've never been near the Plaza.

-My agent said...

-Who is your agent?

1:10:361:10:41

Lou Conway. You see, he swore up and down to me... Oh, how stupid can a man be?!

1:10:411:10:48

If men like Conway would stop hussling and tell the truth, you could have been on weeks ago!

1:10:481:10:55

-Danny's really good, huh, Mac?

-Even Bing says he's good.

1:10:551:11:00

We have three guests. Tonight, we've got the Charlivels.

1:11:001:11:04

-The French act?

-If we didn't have them, I could put you on tonight.

1:11:041:11:09

-I've four girls in the act thanks to the other McGiven.

-As many McGivens as Crosbys!

1:11:091:11:15

'Mr Crosby, we're need another rehearsal on the Charlivels.'

1:11:151:11:20

OK, let's do the whole works.

1:11:201:11:22

-Got a minute, Dan.

-Sure, Bob.

-I'll go with McGiven. You've got a spot next week.

1:11:221:11:28

OK, let's go!

1:11:281:11:30

Very good fellas, very very good.

1:16:551:16:59

Now, as soon as you cool off. Cool...pff-pff...COOL!

1:16:591:17:04

Ah, se reposer! Yeah! Then I fix your make up.

1:17:041:17:06

THEY SPEAK IN FRENCH

1:17:061:17:08

Make up...for the camera? Make up? You know...

1:17:121:17:16

Le maquilleur! The maquilleur!

1:17:161:17:20

First, you must cool off. You come downstairs to the cooling off room.

1:17:201:17:26

The cool room. Huh? Downstairs, this way!

1:17:261:17:30

ALL TALK AT ONCE

1:17:321:17:36

Inside here. Merci. Merci beaucoup.

1:17:421:17:46

HAMMERING ON THE DOOR

1:17:481:17:50

-Unintentionally, I'm a heavy.

-Forget it. Thanks a lot.

1:18:101:18:14

-Nancy and I will catch the show at the deli.

-First spot, you're in.

1:18:141:18:20

-So long, Dan.

-So long, Mac.

1:18:201:18:22

Monsieur, will you be so kind as to tell me where is Monsieur McGiven?

1:18:321:18:38

-I'm Mr McGiven.

-Oh, how do you do?

1:18:381:18:41

The French Consul thanks you for releasing the Charlivels from their contract.

1:18:411:18:47

-What contract?

-Their television contract.

1:18:471:18:50

Your co-operation is appreciated by my government.

1:18:501:18:54

What is this? This man has let the Charlivels

1:18:541:19:00

I didn't. They're on the air in an hour!

1:19:001:19:03

But right now they are being sped away by my personal chauffeur.

1:19:031:19:09

Merci beaucoup. Au revoir.

1:19:091:19:12

-What is this?

-I don't know, but I'll find out!

1:19:121:19:17

Are the Charlivels still here? They've gone.

1:19:171:19:20

C'est bien, monsieur. Thank you.

1:19:201:19:23

-(I hope whatever this IS works.)

-Vive la television!

1:19:231:19:27

-Dan! Dan Carter, can you come here?

-Sure, Bob.

1:19:271:19:31

-This guy may save us.

-Something fishy about this.

1:19:311:19:35

-Can you be ready in an hour?

-We've been ready two weeks!

1:19:351:19:39

-I think we can do it.

-We've GOT to do it.

-Get going.

1:19:391:19:43

Gather round everybody, there's been some changes.

1:19:431:19:47

Come out here. Hey, NANCY, will you LISTEN to me?! COME OUT!

1:20:031:20:08

Hey, open up! Come on out!

1:20:111:20:13

You just made it, buddy. Thanks.

1:20:161:20:19

-Nancy, get off.

-Not till Pelican Falls!

1:20:191:20:21

Ow! Look, you're on the air in ten minutes!

1:20:211:20:25

-Oh!

-Don't you believe me?

-YOU? Huh!

1:20:251:20:28

-Then get off for Dan!

-I've had enough of your Dan Carter, too!

1:20:281:20:32

-You've got to get off!

-Miss, is this barracuda bothering you?

1:20:321:20:37

-Yes.

-No...

-Pipe down, mate.

-I've got to get her...

-Submerge!

1:20:371:20:41

Take your seats, please. Take...? No, no! You can't move now!

1:20:411:20:47

My name is Bob Crosby. I'm the live one. The other is transcribed!

1:20:551:21:00

The Bobcats and I will give you a full hour to make you jump for joy.

1:21:001:21:05

So, grab that sofa because we're about to have a ball in your hall!

1:21:051:21:10

Nancy, I'm telling you the... Please, stop this bus!

1:21:211:21:25

Dan had nothing to do with it! I planned the whole thing!

1:21:251:21:30

-I told a few white lies.

-WHITE lies?!

1:21:301:21:33

OK, big ones, but it was just ME! Ask Hannah.

1:21:331:21:36

-I'll drop her a line from Pelican Falls.

-Let's get out of here!

1:21:361:21:41

-NO!

-Nancy, look, will you please come out and MPFF!

1:21:411:21:45

-Give me a signal and I'll make him expendable.

-I wish you would.

1:21:451:21:50

Go salute your admiral!

1:21:501:21:52

APPLAUSE

1:21:541:21:56

Now, we can have a chuckle if we take this next song in the spirit in which it's intended.

1:21:561:22:04

# I don't mean to sound complainful

1:22:051:22:08

# But life can be really painful

1:22:081:22:10

# When you're known as that useless thing

1:22:101:22:13

# The Crosby who isn't...Bing

1:22:131:22:17

# I truthfully do not resent it

1:22:171:22:20

# Still, it's tough to be contented

1:22:201:22:22

# When the people just look and sneer

1:22:221:22:25

# The wrong Mr Crosby's here

1:22:251:22:28

# My friends all say, "Now, Robbie, let's be fair

1:22:281:22:33

# "And if the folks want to compare you to Bing, well, let's compare."

1:22:331:22:39

-LAUGHTER

-# Let's make comparisons

1:22:401:22:43

# Let's make comparisons

1:22:431:22:48

# If you wanna make comparisons, let's make comparisons

1:22:481:22:53

# It's OK with me

1:22:531:22:57

# Starting with the clothes. My style shows

1:22:571:23:01

-# Q-U-I-L-T!

-Let's make comparisons

1:23:011:23:07

# If you wanna make allowances, let's make allowances

1:23:071:23:13

# But please, let's not lie

1:23:131:23:16

# Take a look at these

1:23:161:23:19

# One stiff breeze

1:23:191:23:21

-# Brother Bing is apt to fly!

-Let's make comparisons

1:23:211:23:27

# Now, I know my voice ain't gorgeous

1:23:271:23:30

# But I try to sing pleasantly

1:23:311:23:35

# Yet when critics go to bat and they say my singing's flat

1:23:351:23:39

# Why do Larry, him and Everett agree?

1:23:391:23:44

# If you're gonna make comparisons, let's make comparisons

1:23:441:23:49

# What is so, is so

1:23:491:23:52

# Take a look at my physique

1:23:521:23:55

# Trim and sleek

1:23:551:23:57

-# F-A-T-S-O!

-Let's make comparisons

1:23:571:24:02

Money belt!

1:24:021:24:05

Honest, there isn't an envious bone in my body.

1:24:061:24:09

But I've always been dependant on somebody in the family to make a living.

1:24:101:24:15

The first job I ever had was picking cucumbers for a pickle factory.

1:24:151:24:20

My dad was a book-keeper in the factory.

1:24:201:24:23

My pay check said "Pop Crosby's kid, Bob".

1:24:231:24:27

Then I organised The Bobcats, played the road.

1:24:271:24:30

Ran out to see my name in lights. It read "Bing Crosby's brother, Bob"

1:24:301:24:36

And now, when I walk down the street, people whisper, "There's Gary Crosby's uncle!"

1:24:361:24:42

And he's got three more warming up in the bull pen!

1:24:421:24:47

# Now, to get back to our singing

1:24:471:24:50

# Here's a secret I'd love to unravel

1:24:501:24:54

# Keep this underneath your lids, we sang the same when we were kids

1:24:541:24:59

# Only Bing ate a different kind of gravel

1:24:591:25:03

# If you're gonna make comparisons, let's make comparisons

1:25:031:25:08

# But now that I am done

1:25:081:25:11

# Say, I'm really glad to be in the same family

1:25:111:25:18

# And everything I've said was just in fun

1:25:181:25:22

# And I'd rather be the brother of Bing than anyone! #

1:25:221:25:34

So she comes to Broadway. All this girl needs is a chance!

1:25:491:25:53

-I get her that chance and she runs out on it!

-Lou, stop!

1:25:531:25:57

-Latch your porthole.

-No, no, go on!

1:25:571:26:02

-If she's good, why's she running away?

-Don't put YOUR oar in!

1:26:021:26:06

Sailor, I'm big enough to handle my own arguments.

1:26:061:26:11

Then you argue on your side, I'll argue on the lady's side.

1:26:111:26:16

It's not really an argument.

1:26:161:26:19

I'd like to introduce an outstanding singer Danny Carter!

1:26:211:26:25

# Si puo? Si puo?

1:26:391:26:44

# Signore! Signori!

1:26:441:26:52

# Scusatemi se da sol mi presento

1:26:521:27:01

# Io sono il prologo

1:27:011:27:11

# This prologue I sing to you

1:27:121:27:17

# Is from the opera "Il Pagliacci"

1:27:171:27:23

# It tells the story of a clown whose heart is broken

1:27:231:27:34

# And yet he must bring you laughter

1:27:341:27:43

# A clown must keep clowning

1:27:451:27:52

# Nobody wants to see a clown who is frowning

1:27:521:27:58

# The lonesome course you have charted

1:27:581:28:04

# Now you're alone, broken hearted

1:28:041:28:12

# And crying for the one you love

1:28:121:28:24

# E voi, piuttosto

1:28:271:28:33

# Che le nostra povere gabbane d'istroni

1:28:331:28:40

# Le notr'anima considerate

1:28:401:28:48

# Poiche siam uomini

1:28:481:28:52

# Di carne e d'ossa

1:28:521:28:57

# E che di que st'orfano mondo

1:28:571:29:03

# Al pari di voi

1:29:031:29:10

# Spiriamo l'aere!

1:29:101:29:16

# Il concetto vi dissi

1:29:181:29:24

# Or ascoltate com'egli e svolto

1:29:241:29:32

# Andiam. Incominciate! #

1:29:321:29:44

HUGE OVATION

1:29:451:29:47

Please, Nancy, you GOTTA listen to me!

1:29:531:29:57

-How can I believe anything you or Dan tell me?

-But you GOTTA!

1:29:571:30:02

-Look! NOW believe me!

-Dan!

1:30:021:30:05

-You see! It's him! That's Dan Carter.

-You weren't lying?

1:30:051:30:10

Of course not! Do I ever lie?

1:30:101:30:14

-Nancy, are you coming back with me or not?

-All right, let's go back.

1:30:181:30:24

Driver, turn the bus around! I can't go off my route!

1:30:241:30:29

BABBLE OF VOICES

1:30:291:30:33

-Will you do this for the US Navy, or do I put it on a personal basis?

-I'll do it, but it's mutiny!

1:30:361:30:44

-Will we make it in time?

-We'll make it.

1:30:501:30:53

-Here we are!

-Give me that! Lou, you take it!

-Round the corner!

1:30:551:31:00

-I've got the bag, Nancy.

-All right, goodbye, everyone!

1:31:071:31:11

This is for you and the whole US Navy!

1:31:111:31:15

-Hurry up, get going!

-Bye!

1:31:151:31:17

Look at your forehead! Wanna wipe it off?

1:31:201:31:24

No, been in the navy for years, first decoration!

1:31:241:31:27

You go ahead and get dressed. I'll tell Crosby you're back.

1:31:291:31:34

Lafiette, we are here! OH!

1:31:351:31:37

-What?

-Nancy's here!

-Dan, you're on!

1:31:371:31:41

-Fine.

-Fine, but where's Nancy?

1:31:491:31:53

-Don't worry.

-Why not?

-Because I am worrying!

1:31:531:31:56

# In the valley of the Cimaron

1:31:561:32:02

# I am waiting all alone

1:32:021:32:06

# When evening shadows softly fall

1:32:061:32:09

# My heart is sad as I recall

1:32:091:32:12

# The weary days I have known

1:32:121:32:18

# In the valley of the Cimaron

1:32:181:32:24

# I no longer have to toil

1:32:241:32:30

# On my piece of government land

1:32:301:32:33

# I dug a hole for water and...

1:32:331:32:37

# I found oil!

1:32:371:32:41

# When I was poor and humble, I couldn't get a tumble

1:32:421:32:46

# From any chick among the Chickasaws

1:32:461:32:51

# But now that I am loaded with loot

1:32:511:32:54

# Indian maidens tell me I'm cute

1:32:541:32:57

# They call me Big Chief Hole In The Ground

1:32:571:33:01

# And I'm up to my neck in squaws!

1:33:011:33:04

WAR CRY

1:33:041:33:06

# On this old reservation, we got our education

1:33:171:33:21

# We're smart, but we're not telling all we know

1:33:211:33:24

# We've all done very well in love

1:33:281:33:31

# We accidentally fell in love

1:33:311:33:33

# With a lonesome romeo

1:33:331:33:36

# Who has NOTHING...

1:33:361:33:38

-# But dough!

-How!

-Well!

1:33:381:33:41

How!

1:33:431:33:45

# I'm an Indian buck who couldn't make a buck

1:33:521:33:54

# Until the lucky day I struck petroleum

1:33:541:33:58

# Petroleum-yum-yum-yum-yum-yum-yum Big Chief Hole In The Ground!

1:33:581:34:05

# In these parts, I won a lot of hearts

1:34:061:34:08

# Cos when I get to town I start a business boom

1:34:081:34:12

# Business boom-boom-boom-boom Big Chief Hole In The Ground!

1:34:121:34:18

# I'm not as brave as old Sitting Bull

1:34:181:34:22

# But old Sitting Bull didn't have a pocketful

1:34:221:34:27

# Couldn't get a ringside table

1:34:271:34:29

# Never had a racing stable

1:34:291:34:31

# He won his bride with a buffalo hide

1:34:311:34:33

# But he never bought her a sable!

1:34:331:34:35

# I get my kicks where the chicks are chicks

1:34:351:34:38

# And you can tell, from the chicks I picks, I'm not so dumb

1:34:381:34:41

# He's not so dumb-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum

1:34:411:34:45

# Big Chief Hole In The Ground!

1:34:451:34:50

# He's quite a chum and he's not so dumb

1:35:561:36:00

# Look what can come from petroleum

1:36:001:36:04

HIGH PITCHED: # Yum-yum-yum-yum-yum!

1:36:041:36:09

# Big Chief Hole In The...

1:36:091:36:16

# Ground!

1:36:161:36:20

# Woh-woh woh-woh-woh

1:36:201:36:22

# Woh-woh woh-woh-woh

1:36:221:36:24

# Woh-woh woh-woh-woh! #

1:36:241:36:26

Now ain't you happy I made you put up the money?

1:36:331:36:37

-I made YOU put up the money!

-That's an even better reason!

1:36:371:36:42

# Are you just a beautiful dream

1:36:541:37:02

# Sent to me from the blue?

1:37:021:37:09

# Are you just a beautiful dream

1:37:101:37:17

# That I see and pursue?

1:37:171:37:24

# Although you may be a fantasy

1:37:241:37:30

# You're here and everywhere

1:37:301:37:36

# You waltz upon the air

1:37:361:37:42

# I look in my heart and you're there

1:37:421:37:51

# I thrill to the touch of your lips on my own

1:37:511:38:00

# In the night

1:38:011:38:05

# And still when it happens I know I'm alone

1:38:051:38:15

# In the night

1:38:151:38:18

# If you are an idea

1:38:181:38:23

# Something unreal

1:38:231:38:27

# Why should I feel as I do?

1:38:271:38:35

# Are you just a dream?

1:38:361:38:43

# If you are, won't you please come true?

1:38:451:38:55

# If you're an idea

1:39:141:39:20

# Something unreal

1:39:201:39:27

# Why should I feel as I do?

1:39:271:39:36

# Are you just a dream?

1:39:361:39:44

# If you are, won't you please come true? #

1:39:461:40:05

# Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls High

1:40:151:40:19

# Wonderful school, wonderful school, nobody will deny

1:40:191:40:22

# We're ready to fight, we're ready to bite, we're ready to do or die

1:40:221:40:26

# For Pelican falls, Pelican Falls, Pelican Falls, for Pelican Falls High! #

1:40:261:40:35

# She's our Nancy! She's our Nancy! # HOORAY!

1:40:351:40:39

# The closer you are

1:40:441:40:48

# The wilder my heart goes

1:40:481:40:52

# For even my heart knows

1:40:521:40:55

# You should be

1:40:551:41:00

# Closer and closer... #

1:41:001:41:06

Subtitles by Sharon Backer, TPL, for BBC Subtitling, 2000

1:41:061:41:10

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