Part 1 Sport Relief

Coming live from the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park, this is Sport Relief

2014. Please welcome your hosts, Gary Lineker and David Walliams.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Thank you. Hello Sport Relief 2014!

Hello! Welcome to the show. What a show it's going to be. That's right.

This year's Sport Relief is the biggest ever, big comedy, big sport,

big music, big surprises. Of course, big ears. That's a yellow card

before we start. What's more, Sport Relief has landed at the home of the

London Olympics, the magnificent Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park, we are

here all night live from the Copper Box Arena. Not only that, we also

have taken over the Aquatic Centre and the Velodrome for... The Clash

Of The Titans! You do that well. Thank you. Tonight Sport Relief hero

John Bishop is going head-to-head with legend Lord Coe captaining two

teams as they take on five sporting challenges, first up let's go to

Gabby Logan at the Velodrome. Hello and welcome. The excitement is

building here. That is because we have some unforgettable television

moments coming up. I can promise you that. We have two gripping cycling

events and gymnastics as you have never seen it before. You do not

want to miss this. See you later. Thank you, Gabby. What an amazing

atmosphere. Over at the Aquatic Centre, bringing you every splash,

dive and sequinned swimming costume, it's Clare Balding. Hello, Clare.

Hello there, thank you very much. Hello to everybody here at the

Aquatic Centre. This was my home during London 2012. In that pool

tonight you are going to see things that you have never seen before.

There will be the most stunning synchronised swimming display and

the final of The Clash Of The Titans, and the title will be

decided here with a race in front of this wonderful crowd.

Amazing. Thank you, Clare. Up soon it's men's cycling elimination. That

will be closely followed by Patrick Kielty versus Greg James in the

synchronised swimming. Ah, swimming! I don't know if you are aware, Gary,

but I actually have swum the Channel and the length of the River Thames.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Stop it! Yes, I was aware. You did

make me watch both your documentaries today. We can do a

quick talk and slide show for you later. Can't wait! We are so excited

that we are presenting together. If you don't know who this man is, it's

not my dad, this is Gary Lineker. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

I am told he used to be a footballer. This is David Walliams

and I am told he used to be a comedian. It was a long time ago.

People have forgotten about it. But the good news is tonight there's

something for the mums. And something for the grandmas. Love

you, Gary! That's your grandma. You may joke but I am actually very big

with the over-80s. You are like catnip to them. It's time to get

ready to tap your feet and clap along, we have the biggest girl band

in the world right here performing this year's Sport Relief single,

it's Little Mix! Word up girls! That was brilliant.

Give it up for Little Mix! Brilliant. Word up to you, David.

You don't know what that means, do you? Not a clue. You can download

that brilliant single right now and please do. Let's try to get it to

number one this weekend. Now there is a reason why the girls

made the Sport Relief single, we asked them to go to a hospital in

Liberia to see why the work Sport Relief does is so important. It had

quite a profound effect on them. Here's what they saw there.

# Do your dance, do your dance. Tell me what's the word.

# Word up. In Liberia we were lucky enough to

meet some amazing kids. But, unfortunately, we also met some kids

for whom life is really, really tough. In this hospital we learned

that malaria still kills a child in Africa every single minute. Malaria

is the number one cause of death in this hospital. These are children

running around going to school, so that really can hurt.

There are sick kids everywhere we look. Nearly all of them have

illnesses that could easily have been prevented and now some of them

are fighting for their lives. Many of these kids have got malaria

because they didn't have a mosquito net to sleep under. Four-year-old

Anthony has been admitted with a severe case of malaria. As the

doctors try to treat him Anthony screams for his mum but all she can

do is comfort him, wait and hope for the best because in some cases of

malaria the disease can affect the brain. The mortality rate, the death

rate in children is for every ten you see, you may lose three or four.

Nothing can prepare you for what you are going to see. It's just so much

to take in. Everybody could have a chance to experience this and see

for themselves exactly what these children have to go through. More

than anything it's frustrating for me to be here. We are coming here

and as much as we take things for granted, they can get a net and it's

done. Tlas no reason for them to be ill, no reason for them to be dying.

No reason for that. That's why it's frustrating. It's ?5 for a net. It's

so hard to see. It's obviously a shock. The worse thing as well for

the mothers, it's not really a shock, it's almost as if they expect

the worst. A lot of people think that our generation don't do

anything and I think this is a perfect example to change that. So,

please, please give what you can. It really, really does help. It's just

?5 and that can save a child's life. Please call 03457 910 910 and give

what you can. Thank you. Girls, I know there's something you

wanted to say tonight. Yeah, just, it was heartbreaking what we saw and

it's easy to prevent. It's only ?5, whether you follow - if you are

sitting at home and want to help give what you can really.

APPLAUSE Thank you girls. It's really

appreciated. Donating tonight is incredibly easy. You can call 03457

910 910. Make sure you have your credit or debit card ready for

action. Standard geographic charges from landlines and mobiles will

apply. Or you can head to bbc.co.uk/Sport Relief and donate

money online. Or you can journey into the past and take your money to

any bank, building society or post office. You can even write a cheque,

yes, they still exist. Make it payable to Sport Relief and send it

to: There's one more important thing, no

matter how you are donating we would love it if you it -- if you would

let us claim Gift Aid tonight. Please make sure you say yes. This

means the kind and caring taxman will give Sport Relief an extra 25p

for every pound you donate. If you give ?1 we get 1. .25. ?10 and we

get ?12. 50. It's a no-brainer when it comes to Gift Aid, just say yes.

The show's just going to get better and better. Here's what we have

coming up for you tonight. Tonight on Sport Relief: Our Olympic

heros step into the ballroom. Welcome to a special Strictly Come

Dancing! Del Boy and Rodney are back with a special friend. If I asked

you to go into the high street wearing a sarong, would you? Well...

Miranda Hart gets sporty. Follow me in Miranda's... There is Mock The

Week with Andy Murray. The first look at England's official World Cup

video. A special celebrity Mastermind, music from Coldplay,

Katie B and Boy sds zone and Kylie performs a classic. And the The

Clash Of The Titans. John Bishop, be very afraid. Let's see what you have

got, Seb! A brilliant show in store and I must say, having done a fair

few Sport Reliefs in the past, nothing comes close to when Beckham

meets the boys from Peckham. Trust me, you really can't miss it.

Certainly can't. I'll tell you what, I'm also excited about Kylie being

on the show. Pf You are a very big fan, aren't you?

Yes, I just can't get her out of my head!

He's attempted comedy, oh! Please promise me you'll never do that

again. I promise I'll try my best. Tonight is all about raising money.

It's why we are all here, so please make a donation.

David, if I were to say moonlight butchers to you, would you know what

that meant? Yes, it was the nightclub in Soho where we

antecedent No, it's definitely not that one. That is it. A vertical

rock facing Utah. This week, Alex Jones took on the challenge of a

lifetime and attempted to conquer it for Sport Relief. Let us see how she

got on. This is Alex against the rock. After a 15-hour journey to

Zion National Park, I'm about to discover what I'm up against. Where

is it? That's it there. Oh, no. Oh, no, I can't. I'm not standing on

anything. Straight leg. Get your leg up. When I first met you, you said

the most important thing is for to it be hard. It will get easier. All

I genuinely want to do now is get off this wall. But I will not be

defeated. Come on, let's go. It's a little birthday cake. Happy

birthday Alex. Aw. It's quite impressive. Really impressive.

-. . Yes!

APPLAUSE Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

Sport Relief's latest hero, the incredible Alex Jones!

Wow. Congratulations, Alex. How does it feel to have conquered the rock?

I'm literally fresh from the rock. I've not been home yet, straight

here. Have you had a shower? I've had a little shower. Thank goodness

for that. I haven't washed my hair, but I've had a shower. I just feel

elate and overwhelmed by how much support I had and how generous

everybody was. But getting to the top, honestly, I breathed a huge

sigh of relief. I literally clung to a tree becausedown and being on

ground is underrated seriously. How tough was it? I'd bitten off more

than I could chew really. When we started, within the first hour, I

just realised what had was in front of me and I felt so small in

comparison to this huge rock, you know. Aisle not a climber,

obviously, but it was just really hard and just the exposure and the

height, it was all very difficult and it was pet reifying for three

days -- petrifying. What inspired you to do this? I dayed trip to the

Philippines about three weeks ago and the Philippines, honestly, it

looks like the typhoon's only just happened. I met three sets of

people, Patricia and Sadie who'd lost their siblings, Tess who, she

hadn't lost her children but she had to go and find them during the

typhoon and her story was incell. A lady called Delia who had lost her

home and her his and was living in a really small tent. -- story was

incredible. That moved me up to the top, it was very moving and

incredible. You have certainly gone above and beyond to help those that

need it most. So time now to see just how much comblourn amazing

challenge has raised. Ready? I think so -- -- how much money your amazing

challenge has raised. Ready? Yes. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Incredible. Absolutely unbelievable. That is an unbelievable amount,

Alex, thank you so much. No, thank you to everybody who donated. Just

so generous. Please just keep ringing tonight because so many

people need your help. Brilliant, absolutely superb. So, Alex Jones

put herself on the line to take on the rock and now it's time to meet

12 more sbrep it competitors ready to push themselveses to the limit.

All in the name of Sport Relief. Let's go to the velodrome and meet

the two teams ready to battle it out in Clash of the Titans.

The atmosphere in here is electric! It's like 2012 all over again.

I'll tell you why, because we have two fabulous teams about to fight it

out over five Olympic events. To find out who is going to become the

champion of clash of the titleps 2014. It's going to be a night of

tears and probably tantrums, of sweat, Lee rowic effort, bravery and

team bonding. For one there'll be rejection, dejection, tears.

Despair. We'll support them every inch of the way. Ready to meet the

teams? -- heroic. I think the answer is yes and first up, it's Daily

Mirror Bishop. -- it's Team Bishop.

I've done the cycling, rowing, running. This is not about a week,

this is about one night. I've spoke to my team and we are ready for

this. I'll take nothing but the best from them. Freddie Flintoff. A

legend. He got me across the channel last time, he'll do it again. Nicola

Adams, a lady, a fighter, an athlete. Patrick Kilty, the most

athletic person ever to come out of Northern Ireland. Helen Skelton, the

most competitive woman ever. Nick Grimshaw is the surprise that we've

got waiting. And then there's me. Most of the time I'm just an

ordinary bloke. Not tonight. Tonight I'm a titan!

This is it. Let's see what you've got, Seb!

Now, let's meet them in person. Here come Team Bishop. Leading the way,

Freddie Flintoff. Next, we have Helen Skelton.

Coming up now, Nick Grimshaw. She packs a punch, ladies and

gentlemen, Nicola Adams! Here he comes, Mr Patrick Kielty. And,

finally, their Team Captain, John Bishop.

John Bishop, they look fit and focussed. How've you got your team

motivated? I said to them, just look at what colour you've chose to wear.

You've backed the winner. It was pure coincidence, I'm showing no

bias. It wasn't a coincidence, I bought them clothes for you, let's

be honest. Ladies and gentlemen of the juries

Team Bishop! -- ladies and gentlemen, Team

Bishop. Let's have a look at Team Coe. I'm Seb Coe, Captain of the

team, I was a middle distance runner, won medals, broke records

and headed up the team that delivered the Olympic and Paralympic

Games. Pf I have no intention of losing. I've

got The A-Team here, John Bishop, be very afraid.

Greg James, he'll be making waves for Team Coe. Olly Murs, he's ready

for his greatest performance ever. Amy Williams, she's the ice Queen

with nerves of steel. Sally Phillips, she's the joker in the

pack. Richard Bacon, he's got the talk and I know he can walk the

walk. And then there's me. I've got a few

tricks up my sleeve. Team Bishop, we 're coming for you!

And here are Team Coe in the flesh. First up, it's Olly Murs.

Sally films. -- Sally Phillips. Greg James.

Amy Williams. Richard Bacon.

And we have the Bishop 's opposition, Seb Coe!

All right, don't milk it, don't milk it!

I just passed him in the corridor earlier and he said, don't speak to

me, I'm in the zone. A lot of team bonding going on there, are you

winners though? We are in the zone. We are going to win tonight. This is

what you built these venues for? This is what we have been building

up to, all the rest was detail. I can smell it. Slightly concerned

about Seb's mental state. The teams will compete in four Olympic events.

They'll win points for each event. Those points will be converted, not

into prizes, but into time and that time will be crucial because the

final event which will decide the winner is a swimming relay and the

more points you have, the greater the head start, it's crucial. That

means nobody will be out of it when we get to that final event. We have

a long way to go before then. Plenty of opportunities for points. The

first event will be the men's cycling elimination. That means

somebody here, some of these blokes will be in line for it. You don't

want to miss it. Great fighting talk. Team Bishop and

team Coe are clearly up for this. The gloves are well and truly off.

You are very good at this. I think you could do presenting as a job.

Even you must have seen Match Of The Day, surely? Sorry, Gary, I don't

like tennis. I want to tell you something which I think is really

important for every pound you donate tonight, half of it will be spent

right here in the UK. I think that matters and I know you

do too. Since we started Sport Relief 12 years ago, we have given

grants of nearly ?100 million to projects doing hugely important work

right here. And there's a lot more to be done.

How do you comfort someone who feels completely isolated and completely

alone? For 65 year, we were together all the time. What can you do to

help a family whose home has been destroyed? I can't stop shaking.

Sorry. How would you make life easier for a mum struggling to buy

food for her children? She's my life. We make games to do because we

can't have breakfast. How can you be there for someone battling mental

illness? I thought I was worthless, didn't see the point in me living

any more. What could you possibly say to a child to make things better

after they lose someone they love? As a mum, I wanted to make things

better. It was the hardest thing ever. Tonight right here in the UK

tonight, there are thousands of people who need help in the UK. I

miss my dad. The hardest thing is to know that she won't get better.

Sometimes it's hard to know the answers. To find the right words. Or

to know what to do to make their lives any better.

But, 50% of all Sport Relief donation. Hopes over 2,000 projects

in the UK. Dedicated to doing just that. I'm 92. I have bad days but I

know now how to control them. Whether it was a hot meal. Or simply

a shoulder to cry on. Every penny donated tonight is going

to make a difference. It's going to help the people who really need it.

Good boy. It will change lives. So now you know how you can help.

The rest is up to you. Help us to keep helping people who

really need it tonight. 03457 910 910.

We promise to use your money well. If you want to know more details

about how Sport Relief makes grants or manages your doe immigrations all

the information is -- donations, all the information is available at

bbc.co.uk/Sport Relief. You would have thought spending days climbing

a sheer rock face would have been enough for most people but for Alex

her Sport Relief doesn't end here. This Sunday Alex, Matt Baker and

John Inverdale are back here at the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park

bringing you live coverage of the Sport Relief Games. Look at this.

Join us this Sunday on BBC1 for the Sport Relief Games Show. We will be

live from Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park for the sportiest day of Sport

Relief ever. Across the country thousands of you will be either

cycling, swimming or doing a mile however you can. We will bring you

will all the action as well as celebrities taking on Olympic-sized

challenges in funny costumes. So please... Sorry, mate. I had a bit

of trouble with a snorkel. There's still time to sign found are the

Games. The details are -- still time to sign up for the Games. Still to

come, Strictly Come Dancing, Miranda Hart and an exclusive performance

from Coldplay. Now it's time for another big thank you and this one's

for our younger viewers. Yes, if you have raised money for Sport Relief

at school then I am talking about you. Every year some of our most

dedicated and enthusiastic fundraise fundraisers are school children.

Thousands of children get active and help raise an incredible amount of

money for Sport Relief. This time they've been going above and beyond

raising cash like never before and they all deserve a huge thank you.

We have come to Everton's training ground to give a group from

Northcote Primary School in Merseyside a little surprise. Hello

everybody. Look at that, headbands on already. Right, you think you are

at Everton's training ground for a tour. But, who would like to meet

three blokes that wear blue for a living? The children don't know is

they're about to meet the Everton manager and England international's

Leighton Baines. You have been magnificent in your work you have

done in the school. We are going to organise a game. Leighton will play

with the red side. And Leo with the white team. So enjoy it.

There we go. We have our striker. Enjoy the football and listen to the

captain. With both teams picked we are under

way. The scores are tied so it's time to

bring on the Everton goalkeeperer Tim Howard to settle things from the

spot. So the Sport Relief Cup goes to...

The reds have won 5-2! Thank you to all the kids that have

raised money at schools across the country and there's lots of you. Up

soon we have the return of Britain's best-loved sitcom, Only Fools and

Horses, after 11 years away they are back alongside a very special guest.

He is a real friend of Sport Relief, so famous and handsome that even

David's heard of him. David? He is so dreamy, Gary! Oh, dear! Look at

this. It's yours truly... For years he has

been one of our biggest supporters. David, before we start I want to put

you at your ease, I am not here to make you look stupid. I can do that

myself. He has been willing to put himself in tricky positions. Is your

little boy starting to put sentenceses together. He is saying

bits and pieces, yeah. And what about Brooklyn? We have even seen

him get cosy with Smithy. You, stop it! Tonight, Beckham is in Peckham.

If I asked to you go out into the high street wearing a sarong, would

you? Well... That looks brilliant. Here is John Bishop.

Two years ago I travelled with sport port to Sierra Leone -- with Sport

Relief to Sierra Leone. I went to one of the poorest areas, to a slum

area. I saw many things that shocked me and surprised me and stayed with

me a long time. I met an 11-year-old girl called Kadiatu. Her story

particularly moved me because some of the challenges she faced no child

should have to face. Can you explain where we are?

What are your worries for the future? What are the things that you

worry about? You lost your sister and you worry

you will die too. Since then, because of your donations I have

been told that things have changed quite dramatically in Kadiatu's

life. Sport Relief-founded projects have helped her family find a new

home. They now have access to clean water,

toilets and Kadiatu is now going to school.

You are making the difference. These are the things that really, really

matter, the good stories, the things that show you, you are changing

lives right now. Please keep your donations coming in and remember

there is a smile somewhere waiting to happen. Thank you.

Quite right, thank you, John. Sport Relief is about people coming

together to change lives. Here is a special performance from Coldplay.

We are pleased to be part of Sport Relief. If you would like to donate

please call 03457 910 910. Thank you so much.

# And I don't and I don't and I don't and I don't

# I don't, no I don't No I don't, no I don't

# I don't, no I don't No I don't, no I don't

# I don't, no I don't No I don't, no I don't

# And I don't and I don't and I don't and I don't

# I don't, no I don't No I don't, no I don't

# I don't, no I don't No I don't, no I don't

# I don't, no I don't No I don't, no I don't

Thank you to the amazing Coldplay. Not only for that performance but

also for their credibly generous donation to Jo Whiley and her

challenge. I feel bad I didn't know you are a famous sports presenter so

I thought I would Google you. Oh, no! What have you found? It's

actually very interesting what comes up when you type in Gary Lineker

hot. It's not those shorts I used to wear in the 80s? It's better than

that, have a look at this. You look boiling! What would you

call those, Gary? Tight, very tight! We should move on quite quickly.

It's almost time to cross to the Velodrome for the men's cycling

elimination race. As any professional sportsman will tell

you, you can't perform without a proper warm-up. Tell me about it, I

love a lunge. Careful, careful, David. It's important you lot are

all warmed up too. When it comes to health and fitness only one name

springs to mind and it's not his, it's Miranda Hart.

Hello Sport Relief 2014. A hearty good day to you all. I am sorry I

can't be with you tonight in person but I am on tour. However, when

Sport Relief came knocking and asked for my services, I dropped

everything. It was unfortunate because I was in the supermarket

queue at the time! A little joke. Sport Relief knocked because as

Britain's fittest woman in every sense it is my duty to ensure that

Sport Relief is fully warmed up and match ready for the epic show ahead.

It's important wherever you are, wherever you are watching, to get

up, get moving and follow me in Miranda's Massive Move-a-thon.

Pipe down. Actual maraccas. It's a physical warm-up. If you don't

happen to have a pair of maraccas at home, make your own version, Sport

Relief water bottles, right. Look at that. Fill it with rice. Everyone at

home, are you ready? We are ready! Brilliant, Clare Balding in the

Aquatic Centre, are you ready? Oh, yes we are ready! Team Bishop and

Team Coe and the possie, are you ready? Yeah! Gary and David in the

studio, ready? Yes, Miranda, we 're ready.

Right, now, are you ready, David? Right, now, are you ready? I'm

ready. David Haye yes. Are you ready, David Ginola? Follow you

anywhere. Two Davids. What can I say? !

And, by the way, I absolutely did not have a poster of David on my

wall when you were playing for Newcastle, I didn't, that is a gross

accusation.) I on. (I did) Cue the music. Lovely. The Nolan

sisters. Looking good. I'm in the mood for

fund-raising. Right, we 're going to start. The

first move is the Usain Bolt move, the Lightning bolt. Yeah.

Looking hot. Yeah. Stretch the arms. Right. Now, we 're going to go into

another move. The Mobot. Five, six, seven, eight. We've never looked

better. Fact. Team Bishop, shows your moves. Looking good.

Team Coe, get ready. Come on. Now, everyone at the Aquatics Centre

centre, ready? We are going to do the front crawl. Lovely.

Think of Michael Phelps, yes. Now, Hawaiian.

We 're out of time, but crack on. OK.

Olympic Park, uh Hawaiing? Are you shaking that rack coos like we are

-- Maraccas like we are? Galloping.

Looking good. Condeprach layingses to you all --

congratulations. Give yourself a massive maracca clap. Well done,

everybody. Glad that's over with! Thank you,

Miranda and of course David and David. Hope that's got you limbered

up and in the mood for the first event of Clash of the Titans. The

British Olympic team take to the floor in a special Strictly Come

Dancing. Plus Kylie Minogue will be here live in the studio performing a

special song, especially for you, with a special guest. And we have

got the very first play of England's official World Cup video starring...

Well, me, and some other bloke called Gary. Can I just get a selfie

with you, is that OK? Now? Yes. Everyone's doing it. They did it at

the Oscars. Let's see if we can get a billion re-Tweets. OK, I'm going

to upload it on to the big screen there for everyone to see. There we

go. That is a good one of you, Gary, you

look so fresh faced. Had a bit of work done? That's depressing. Can we

take that down, please, very quickly? Now the moment we have all

been waiting for. Let us see what has been going on in the velodrome.

This is the very first event in, let's do it together... Clash of the

Titans! Welcome back. Now, this track here

has seen some pretty amazing moments in sporting history. We are going to

add to that tonight, aren't we? It's the men's elimination race. Three

men will compete. Let's find out who they are.

In most Rayses, it's all about the winner. In most races, it's all

about who crosses the line first. We are in the elimination. All eyes

are on the rider who crosses the line last.

Just keep an eye out... When you hear the bell ring. It's time for a

sprint lap. When it's time to sprint, you pedal like your life

depends on it. Laura, you have to find speed. It's you against the

pack. Eye ball to eye ball. Wheel to

wheel. Is she going to do it? No, she's not. Yes! Whoever's last to

cross the line, is out. Laura Trott is going to win the elimination

race. Great riding, Laura. Be physical. Hold your line. Just don't

finish last. Well, the Queen of the track,

Victoria Pendleton no less, is here to offer some words of wisdom. Much

appreciated by the crowd here. They want somebody who'll be a steadying

influence. Tell them, what is the key to e-Lib Dem nation racing --

e-Lib Dem nation racing? -- elimination racing. Some people like

to take it on from the front and set the pace and stay out of trouble, so

you could play it either way really and sit back or do it that way.

Thank you very much. Let me stand between the captains, Seb Coe not on

a bike, John Bishop has offered to go for it here. You have Freddie and

Paddy there, what are you thinking? I've got a good team behind me.

Paddy is the pacemaker and Freddie's the powerhouse. What are you? So I'm

just making up the numbers, to be honest. I'm the only one who looks

good in Lycra. LAUGHTER

Is that the reason why you are not there then? No, they just decided to

play their joker card early. Fighting talk. What is the thinking

about opting out? If I could borrow your dress tonight, it could be so

much better than the original costume. Any words of wisdom? They

are in the zone, they know what they are doing, poise, patience and

balance. They look petrified, but I think for an event of this

magnitude, we need somebody with gravitas who knows exactly what it's

like to perform on the biggest stage. How did we get you, Daley

Thompson, amazing, I can't believe you are here to start this race? Nor

can I, it's brilliant. I want to say that earlier on, they showed me the

starting gun and I was waving it around and seven of the audience

came up and gave me their wallet and a watch. He'll be starting this

shortly. Let's go to Simon Brotherton and Chris Boardman, our

commentary team. The World Championships in crop ya a

couple of weeks ago were a small event compared to this. We are

almost ready to go with the first event. Lets's take a look at the

line-up for the men's elimination match.

The rules are simple. Every other lap, the bell will ring and at the

end of the next lap, the last rider over the line will be eliminated.

Then we are left with three riders and that's when they'll sprint for

the victory. John Bishop has his team behind him.

It's the last person over the line who is out of the race, so it's

going to be very interesting to see how the tactics develop. A real

spread of abilities in this group, of course. They have to be bunched

together as they get towards the line or the race will not start.

Looks OK at the moment. Going a little slow on the bank though.

Looks OK, but Olly Murses bringing up the rear, dawdling at the back.

John Bishop starting as he means to go on, leading from the front. Daley

Thompson get us under way. Clash of the Titans has started. Mind on

attack there and blocking tactics from the Bishop Team, looking over

the shoulders. This was a pre-thought out tactic.

The first elimination is coming up the next time around.

Patrick Kielty going for a flyer, making sure he stays out of trouble.

Down the back straight looking over his shoulder. Olly Murs is still at

the back, coming around the outside. The three blue riders from Team Coe

at the back. One is going to go as they cross the line. Here they come

up towards the line. It's really close. It might be John Bishop.

Could be. Perhaps they overplayed their hand a little bit. I think it

could have been John Bishop there and it was indeed.

Well, John Bishop's ridden all the way across the world on his bike

from the past from Sydney to Liverpool, took nine months to do it

and took too long to get around that first lap. He was the first one out.

Not good for the Liverpool contingent, all those years training

on Kirkby velodrome! Clearly that was all for nothing. And we are up

for the next elimination now. Luckily they are all up on their

wheels at the moment. This is going to be another tight one. Towards the

line, Freddie Flintoff nearly brought Greg James down. How on

earth has he stayed on his bike? Well, he hasn't now. He was wobbling

around the corner as Olly Murses led them over the line. Look at this

from Freddie Flintoff and the last one over the line was Richard Bacon.

I think Richard Bacon could be well out of it. They are going to perhaps

neutralise the race now. The yellow flag is out. Freddie Flintoff forgot

the main rule of track racing, turn left, straight on turn left. He went

the long way down as well. Normally riders tend to tumble to the right

and the speed scrubbed off by the shape of the track, and he didn't

seem to be injured. Probably more damage to the track there.

GUNFIRE We are under way again.

There was more damage to the track than to Freddie himself. He's

steadier on a pedalo than he is on two wheels on dry land, that's for

sure. Patrick keelly again hitting the front. That warm-up lap, they

knew how important it was. One more elimination to go. Flintoff has been

informed that the elimination race isn't literal, so let's hope he

stays upright. I wouldn't like to be riding next to him. It's neck and

neck. Patrick Kielty has been overtaken by

Olly Murs and Gregs James, the Radio 1 DJ. Flintoff staying in it.

Those are the three that will contest the finish. Greg James

dropped out. They all steam be taking a bit of a

breather now and this is a really important part of the race. They've

only got the finish to go. There's a bit of a discussion going, some

tactics here. They have got the numbers advantage. We are in the

gold medal factory here for fr the Olympic Games. So many legends on

this track in 2012. Who is going to deliver and win this one now? Olly

Murs is going for a flyer. Here comes Freddie Flintoff with a sprint

on the inside. Look at the power there from Freddie

Flintoff! On the deck one minute. He's won the race! Extraordinary!

Almost eliminating himself by ending up on the boards back in the race

and on top at the end. Freddie Flintoff takes the six points. Here

is the strint again. What a race -- sprint. Olly Murs launched the

attack early but rode high. Flintoff saw the opportunity and he was

afraid of nothing. He went straight up the inside. Murs shocked but

nothing he could do against the power of Flintoff.

And there's our winner. Unexpectedly so given that he was on

the deck a few moments before. Wow, did you get your tactics right?

It would appear so, but first out, you seemed surprised When we started

off, I was far too relaxed but I knew Freddie would do it in tend. I

was personally disappointed but I know it's all about the team. Did

you employ the right tactics? Freddie's a bit of an animal. You

have probably seen the best of him tonight. The guys have to stay calm

and come through. Here he is. Freddie Flintoff dripping with

sweat, there's blood down there as well. Let's have a look at your

injuries. Blood on your arm. He's absolutely thrown his body on the

line for that victory. Freddie, never in doubt? I thought Olly had

me at one point. But I think that tactical fall off did me good. On

the back straight, I dug in. It's great fun. Thanks to everyone here.

Amazing, thank you. Well done, Paddy, not too late for Ireland for

Rio you know? Freddie said to me, just lead Olly out, tire Olly out

and the big legs got there in the end! Let's confirm the result with

the commentary team. We have had blood, sweat, tears.

It's just one event down and four to go. It's synchronised swimming next.

Patty Patty -- Paddy and Greg, get yourselves off into lycra and we

will see you later on. Incredible stuff.

Do you ever get the impression that Andrew Flintoff is quite

competitive? Apparently he is OK. He is fine. After the first event Team

Bishop has 11 points. Team Coe has ten points. It's close.

David Tennant went to Africa for Sport Relief and took time out from

his stage role in Richard II, hence the hair extinctions, to visit --

extensions to visit Sierra Leone, this is what he saw.

This is a rubbish dump in Sierra Leone. Welcome to hell on earth.

Flames rise from the hazardous waste and toxic smoke fills the air. It's

a shock to turn up here on a Tuesday morning and see this mess that's on

fire. I think that's what's most shocking about it, it's actually

burning. What's even more shock shocking... Is that children are

working on this dump. How young are these children? These

are between age of six to 12 years. Is it every day of the week they

come here? Every day, every day. This is their life. They don't have

parents? Most are orphans. As every new truckload of rubbish arrives the

adults get first pick. Leaving the kids to scavage through what's left.

What these children really want is to go to school, but for that they

need uniforms and books and at the moment they can barely afford to

eat. These are two of the children who

come here every day, they live next to the dump with their sick

grandmother. Do you have memories of your mum and dad?

The future for children like this is so bleak that it's barely

comprehensible. This is a miserable place to spend a day, let alone the

best part of a childhood. They come here every day and sift through

other people's rubbish to make enough money to live. They don't

have a choice, that's what they've got. They're not difficult, they're

not lazy, they're just unlucky. They don't have a choice. You do. You

could help them. It costs ?50 a year to send a child here to school.

Please help. Please give them a childhood because

this is barely an existence. You wouldn't let your own kids work

here. 03457 910 910. Or go online. Change their future,

please. ?50 gets a child to school for a

year. It gets them a start in life. It gets them a future. That's what

tonight is all about. We need your help to do it. I know we keep asking

and you keep giving, you are the most generous people in the world

and that's a fact. You really are. Please help us to help kids like

those you have just seen. The number is 03457 910 910.

Whilst we are talking telephone numbers, I would like to take the

opportunity to thank the good people at BT. Yes, the volunteers and staff

have been with us since the very beginning and without them you

wouldn't be able to make your generous donations that have changed

so many lives. Take a look at this. This spring, Sport Relief presents

an epic journey through four decades. The 1980s. It's time. Thank

you for calling, how much would you like to donate? Through the 1990s.

Have we got anything? We have nothing.

We are good to go? Yeah, guys. And into the noughties.

Let's do this. Now in 2014 powerful forces must join together for the

sake of charity. An army of staff raising

unbelievable amounts of money. A Legion of volunteers helping normal

people make extra ordinary donations. Critics are calling them

epic, heroic, sensational. Coming soon to a call centre near you.

APPLAUSE Brilliant. That's not all, BT also

donated through their Speaking Clock campaign and Dial for Davina days

and the staff have been fundraising like crazy. Let's see how much

they've raised. Wow!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Well done.

Congratulations and thanks to everyone for doing their bit. If you

haven't done anything yet, why not start right now? And you know what,

you don't even need to pick up the phone to make a difference. If you

are sat at home with your tablet or laptop in front of you it couldn't

be simpler to donate. Do it now. That video of a water-skiing

squirrel can wait. Type in bbc.co.uk/Sport Relief, follow the

instructions online and have your debit or credit card at the ready.

Coming up a special version of one of my favourite shows, Strictly Come

Dancing. Gary, there's only one real way to introduce this. Dancing the

American Smooth, will Gary Lineker and his life partner David Walliams

please take to the floor. No chance! You heard the man Gary. But that was

you just doing the voice. No, it wasn't, Gary. Seriously, this is

awe-inspiring. Our British Paralympic heros in a truly unique

Strictly Come Dancing. From London, this is Sport Relief

does Strictly Come Dancing! Woo-hoo!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Thank you very much. Good evening

and welcome to this very special Yes, we missed you so much

that we're back for one night only and tonight we have got four of

the country's top Paralympians who are swapping the track,

field, pitch and court for the Strictly ballroom. Between

them they've got gold medals, championship titles

and world records galore. to get their hands on

the glitterball medal. My name's David Clarke,

I play football for England and Great Britain. Scored 128 goals

and loved every minute of it. I am part of Great Britain's

sitting volleyball team. Listen to the noise

for Martine Wright! My name is Nathan Stephens,

I'm a Paralympic javelin thrower. And that's a huge throw

from Nathan Stephens! I'm Hannah Cockroft,

I'm a wheelchair racer. It seems all a bit surreal now,

when I think about it. Literally my dreams came true

in 18.05 seconds. The margin of victory is huge.

It's like watching Bolt. A gold medal for Great Britain,

Hannah Cockroft. Hannah Cockroft and her partner,

Pasha Kovalev. David Clarke and his partner,

Karen Hauer. Martine Wright and her partner,

Ian Waite! And Nathan Stephens and his partner,

Iveta Lukosiute! We're thrilled to have you here,

well and truly Strictlified. Good sequin action, Martine.

I like it a lot. Now, they're going to be performing

together tonight, but our judges will be looking at their

individual performances and the couple they deem to have

danced the best will win a coveted Sport Relief

glitterball medal. OK, Martine, obviously, as athletes,

you're all very driven. What do you think about

the competition tonight? Tonight you've got four Paralympians

on the floor, Nathan, clearly

you are a strapping lad. Show us the guns. Check that out.

He's a strong boy. He's a very strong boy. I believe you.

Thank you, Iveta. Right, well, it wouldn't be Strictly

without some glamorous judges to match our dazzling dancers

And you'll notice that we have a very special guest judge tonight.

He's competed in four Paralympic Games

and has won no less than, wait for it, ten gold medals.

Please welcome dressage legend Lee Pearson!

Welcome, judges. Lovely to see you all as ever.

And Lee, have you been practising your dance critique?

Well, it is called Strict-Lee, isn't it? It is.

And I am replacing a very strict person sat here.

doesn't mean you have to be horrible tonight, OK?

I'll try and behave. Right, let's see

how these seriously competitive athletes got on in training.

When I was born, I had two cardiac arrests within 24 hours,

which damaged two different parts of my brain.

My ninth birthday, a slow freight train was going past,

and me being the adventurous, silly child that I was

decided to jump on one of the ladders.

Sadly I slipped and my legs got caught under.

I had a little bit of sight from the start,

but then it kind of deteriorated over time.

I got on the tube and then about ten minutes after that,

just had a huge white flash in front of my eyes.

I thought at the time that we'd had a crash,

but obviously it was one of the suicide bombers

that decided to hit London that morning.

I looked down this hospital bed, but nothing was there.

I've lived all my life now with no legs. This is who I am.

I don't think I would be here talking to you

if it wasn't for rediscovering sport again.

Everything that I have today, I owe it to sport.

When I had legs, I always used to be the first one up on the dance floor,

and to be able to dance again is absolutely amazing.

My wife helped me dance for the first time on our wedding day.

So my dancing experience is probably three minutes.

I've always wanted to know how to dance.

because I don't really know what to do.

I'm actually really looking forward to my outfit.

For someone who has no feet, I'm addicted to shoes.

So I'm really intrigued to see what footwear I'm wearing.

I'm getting very close to Pasha's feet,

It's a good job you've got the moves -

you can scoot out the way and it's all right.

I texted one of my friends this morning and said my brain's frazzled

But that's because I want to get it right.

We had a few flyaway legs earlier on. Yeah.

Because I would have lost my crown jewels. Sorry, yeah.

I can feel the world champion spirit.

It's a real arm work-out getting pulled around by you!

I'm sorry! I get pulled around by you.

It's going well. He's not done a runner,

I definitely can't do a runner, so...can't be that bad.

I never thought I would actually be able to get up on my legs and dance.

It's an amazing feeling, but the pain isn't!

I was very sceptical at the start of the week,

You never know, my Saturday nights might be different from now on!

Please welcome to the Strictly dance floor Hannah and her partner Pasha,

David with Karen, Martine with Ian and Nathan with his partner Iveta.

Standing ovation in the studio and from our judges - good sign, guys.

That was superb, an Olympic effort from all of you, truly.

While you get your breath back, let's see what our judges thought.

Head Judge Len, what do you make of our sports stars?

Well, I tell you what, the music was Firework

and I felt there was plenty of fireworks going on out there. Yes

But I must just talk a moment about Nathan.

Fun, personality - I tell you what, I thought you were terrific.

Well done to you. Thank you. Bruno, did they put you in a spin?

Oh, I tell you, my head is racing like you have no idea.

I have to say, you're all champions to my eyes.

But somebody took my eye, and it's you, Hannah!

Ooh, she went all touchy-feely with Pasha.

Really participating in the performance.

Caught Bruno's eye! Lee, it's your debut in the Ballroom tonight

as well as theirs - were you impressed?

I didn't know what to expect, to be perfectly honest.

I didn't know if it was going to be very static

or a little bit like Wacky Races gone mad, with the wheelchairs.

Nathan might have the muscles, but David managed a spectacular

balanced, powerful lift, and that was very good.

I think what blows me away is that none of you showed any nerves.

But I suppose what stood out for me is Martine.

You know, I think you gave a feeling and a passion

and all the way through you focused on Ian,

It's very difficult to take your eyes off Ian.

Formidable team, those two, lots of chemistry.

Right, thank you, judges. We'll leave you to confer and deliberate

Hannah, you looked like you were genuinely loving

every single moment of that. How much fun did you have out there?

It's been phenomenal working with all these guys,

and Pasha's been amazing with me, so I've loved every second of it.

David, as a footballer, was that dance

one of the hardest thing you've ever had to tackle?

We really need to remember why we've been working so hard all week,

and it's for Sport Relief and it's such a privilege to be involved,

and to work with this lady has been an absolutely pleasure.

Martine, how have you found it, dancing and twirling

Oh, it's been absolutely amazing, and the team have been fantastic,

"swung round the dance floor by a 6'5 dancer"?

You haven't put him down yet, Martine! I loved it!

She hasn't put you down yet, Ian. Who can blame her.

You know, it's been absolutely amazing this week

and now I'm going to be the first one on that dance floor. All right!

Do you think you did your wife proud?

I hope I have, but she's in the audience, ask her yourself!

It's a thumbs-up from your wife, your new wife, congratulations!

Right. It's time now to see who is going to take home

Head Judge Len, have you all chosen your Sport Relief champion?

So Len, would you please reveal who you, the judges,

have chosen as your Strictly Sport Relief champion 2014!

Well, let me say, it was a very, very close-run thing.

You could make a case for any one of our four couples winning.

But after a long debate, we have come to a decision.

I missed a few moves there, so I'm glad they didn't notice!

Huge commiserations to the rest of you. Have you had fun?

Well, congratulations, Hannah and Pasha!

If you'd like to wear these glitterball medals with pride.

You are the Sport Relief Strictly Come Dancing champions.

and a big thank-you to all of our wonderful couples.

Thank you so much for taking part tonight. You have been great sports.

And thank you to you at home for watching and donating.

Please, please do give everything that you can.

Are you ready for this, people? Remember...

was Strictly brilliant. Loved every Thank you so much! Goodnight! That

was Strictly brilliant. Loved every move. What could be for mitting than

the current champion to introduce the next film. Here is Abbey Clancy.

50% of the money you donate tonight goes on projects here in the UK. I

can't help but think the money couldn't go to any better families

than the ones you are about to meet. The Jones' are very lovely and very

brave. This is our sister Cara. She's very

little. They were over the moon when we told them they've got another

sister. We were running up and down the stairs getting ready for her to

come home. They were fighting over who'd get to hold her first. They

were like, can we see, can we hold her. Doing a video of Cara shouting

like mad. When Cara was seven months old, she was diagnosed with spinal

muscular atrophy, a disease that affects the spine and muscles. She

had the most severe form. The doctor explained that there is no cure and

she will not make it to one. That wasn't acceptable to us. As a mum,

you want to put plasters on and deal with it and figure out the problems

and help solve it. To see your children, their sister, who you've

brought into the world, to make your family, is going to die, it was the

hardest thing ever. Explaining to them that it wasn't

their fault, it wasn't anybody's fault, we all tried our hardest and

will make the best life that we've got with her the best time ever.

Love you, Cara... Da-da...

Against the odds, Cara made it to her first birthday.

Cara had a huge dress. She always had a smile, didn't she?

Four months later, Cara was rushed to hospital with a serious

infection. We knew she wasn't getting any stronger or better. Took

her off the hospital bed and sat her in our arms. As she looked up, she

smiled and closed her eyes. The smile she gave before she closed her

eyes. On the 25th January, 2011, Cara lost her battle. She was 16

months old. OK, guys, we are going to go into

our room... This is Jeremiah's journey, a bereavement group

supported by Sport Relief. They were worried about going back to school,

if people were going to say things. They were worried about what to say

to us because they didn't want to hurt us. It was really nice. You

could talk to whoever you wanted and you knew that they would understand

because they've been through the same thing. Each different colour

represent who is we are here to remember.

Projects like this can make a huge difference at a time of unbearable

sadness. Who needs a red piece of card for

their sister? I was having really bad nightmares and they gave us a

dream catcher and it took all my bad dreams away. They'd come out with a

huge smile. I'm so proud to show them off and to be able to talk

about Cara. We can't take away the pain, but with your help, we can be

there for families when they need it most.

Please call: Thank you.

That project really made a difference to those brilliant young

girls' lives. Tonight, you can make a difference. It costs ?20 for one

of those children attend the sessions, to help the children put

their lives together again. If you can afford ?20, that's great,

but we are grateful for whatever you can give.

We don't mind how you donate, we'd just love you to do it. Thank you.

Every year, wonderful people up and down the country do all sorts of

amazing things for Sport Relief. I, for example, once swam the Thames

whilst Gary spent a week sunning himself in Barbados with his wife.

It's all right, I saw you there the other week with Simon Cowell. I

think you are mistaking me with Sunita. Sorry about that. We both

have the same leaf bikini. Anyway, this isn't about us, it's about you.

Yes, every Sport Relief, the Great British Sport Relief take part in

the most amazing fund-raising events. We are so, so grateful for

the effort you put in and the incredible amount of money that you

raise. Thank you. Here is a taste of what you've all been up to.

For the thousands of incredible fund-raisers, the length and breadth

of the UK, from Penzance to Inverness, Cardiff to Scarborough,

this thank you is for you. The Sport Relief 2014, you have all

excelled yourselves like never before.

Some have been getting sporty. Some have been dressing up. And

others have just been having a whole lot of fun.

Whatever you've been doing, and however you've done it, you've all

helped raise such an incredible amount of money for Sport Relief.

So from the North to the South, East to West, to each and every fantastic

fund-raiser, you're quite simply the best. We couldn't do it without you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Come here, Great Britain. I want to

give you all a kiss. Mwah! In the time it takes David to dish out 65

million kisses, let's see what is still to come tonight: Coming up:

Beckham is in Peckham. Why are you wearing them glasses? These? To be

honest, I thought that if I was to wear these, no-one would recognise

me and I could be a little bit incognitive! Clash of the Titans

continues with synchronised swimming. It is really difficult.

And the rhythmic gymnastics. John doesn't stand a chance. Now it is

time to settle this like men! APPLAUSE

Now, look, Gary, I don't really know how to say this, but I think things

need to change between us. What do you mean? It is just - you have

become quite clingy. Clingy? Yes. I think it is about time we introduced

a woman into our relationship. What? A woman, Gary. Not just any woman, a

super woman. She swam, cycled and ran 500 miles in seven gruelling

days. Through gale force winds, through the wettest winter on

record, ladies and gentlemen, that woman is, of course, Davina McCall

and she went Beyond Breaking Point. Morning, Scotland. I'm so tired and

I have only done 30 miles. I have 470 miles to go. If it wasn't

raining, or windy, it wouldn't be that bad.

Will I be OK? You will be absolutely fine. Come on, Davina!

This is really, like, the toughest thing I've ever done and the

toughest thing I possibly will ever do.

Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding for the hero of the hour,

it is Davina McCall. A standing ovation. Congratulations.

Thank you. It looked so brutal. Have you fully recovered? My knees are a

bit iffy. I did try and do three miles this morning for Sport Relief.

Why? You have already done your bit! I know. I went with a load of mums

from school. It was good. I'm OK. There were moments. It was really

hard, but there were moments. I'm sure you will know what I'm talking

about where it was amazing, really beautiful. The end! Yes. It was

incredible. What was the hardest thing? Lake Windermere was my

nemesis. I was so petrified. That was terrifying? I found one of the

hardest days was the first day, four hours in I wanted to stop and I

thought I have another six-and-a-half days to go. Then,

just the wind coming into Birmingham. The wind, yes. LAUGHTER

The wind. The really bad wind? You had very bad wind? Not THAT wind!

OK. Tell us about Lake Windermere. You had to swim in water that was

four degrees. Five degrees. That is easy then(!) How was that? What

happened was I got in and straightaway I just started

panicking. It was so cold. And I started shallow breathing. Then

everything started going wrong. It took me longer than it should have

done. Because it took me longer... It's the cold water that hits your

face. It is so painful. Even the shock of getting in the water... He

is nodding like he knows what it is like! You are next, Lineker! Have

you got another question, Gary? Or shall I ask one? It was your turn. I

have a million questions. He's ruined tonight! How did it feel when

you saw the finish line? You know what was lovely? I watched that bit

of footage, when I was going over the bridge and I worked very hard to

keep my kids off camera. The guys were amazing. So they squirrelled

them away and hid them. I could see them at the end of the bridge so

before I saw Matthew, I had a quick cuddle with the kids and I was

running towards them so when I'm smiling and putting my hands up, I'm

like, "I can see you!" It was amazing. Davina, I can speak on

behalf of the nation when I say, congratulations for going beyond

breaking point. Thank you. For Sport Relief. Amazing. Thank you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I have been - thank you - I have

been really lucky. I have been working with Comic Relief and Sport

Relief for 15 years now and lives are being changed. They are being

changed all around the world and, as you have seen, here at home.

Basically, of the amazing donations that you have made, you are amazing.

You are about to meet a young girl who totally changed my life but it

was you who changed her life. This is a quarry in Nairobi. It's no

place for children but every day, children come here to work alongside

their mothers. As it is the only way for the families to earn enough

money to survive. It was here that I met a little girl called Anne who

works here with her Mum. Do you hurt? Your hands? Yes. What things

make you happy? The evening. That's because it's the only time that

she's not here in the quarry doing this desperate work. Meeting Anne

did remind me of a little girl that broke my heart 15 years ago. She was

called Eunice. It was 6.30, she was making breakfast and every night she

went to sleep fearing that her home was going to get bulldozed. She

lived in fear constantly. That night, they came when we are

sleeping and started beating us. They demolished our house. When you

go to sleep at night here, are you frightened? Are you afraid? Of

course, yes. So, Eunice, what would it mean to you to have your own

piece of land? I could be very happy. That's exactly what happened.

Your money went to work and Eunice and her family moved into a new

home, away from the dangers of the slum. In that house, she was able to

do her homework and eventually made it to university. You changed her

life. I have always remembered Eunice as clear as day. My kids know

Eunice. My husband knows Eunice. She's part of us. I'm not leaving

this country without seeing her. Hey, Eunice!

Oh God! You look exactly the same. You, too. I never thought I would

recognise you. LAUGHTER

How old are you now? I'm turning 26. Oh my God! That is amazing. I met

you 15 years ago. Yes. You need someone to give you this period to

show you that there is a better life. That's you. That is where I

am. Oh God. Tell me what you are doing? Actually, what you did to me

really turned my life. I grew up a girl with high spirit. Knowing one

day that life would change and it is not going to remain like this. I

decided to do a home, but not just any home, I decided to do one for

kids with special needs. You have become such a strong, independent

young woman. It is so far away from the little girl that I met. I'm

proud because of what you planted in me. That seed has grown and I'm -

girls need help. Girls need help for real. Yeah. To empower one another.

So at least we can go far. Like you have? Yeah, sure. It's all because

of you. No, it's not. It's because of YOU! Eunice's life was

transformed because of the money you gave. But there are other girls out

there, just like Anne, that desperately need your help. Let's do

it again tonight. Please give what you can. 03457 910 910. Thank you.

That 11-year-old girl that I met in the slum, you changed her life

because you sent her to school. She went to university and because of

your generosity, she is changing so many children's lives. She has

started on orphanage for kids with special needs. That is an amazing

circle. It started with YOU. There are other girls just like Eunice and

Anne, so please give whatever you can. 03457 910 910. You are

brilliant. Thank you so much. Please do. Please call. That is amazing. A

great story. Wonderful. I will say that number again. 03457 910 910.

Davina, you did go through a week of hell. I do think it is time we found

out how much you and your epic challenge has raised. You have no

idea? No idea. Let's see how much you have raised so far. Are you

ready? Yes, yes! OK. Davina, you have raised... Oh yes!

Well done. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Davina. That is

incredible. That total includes ?537,082 from BT who supported

Davina's challenge. There is more brilliant news. The Government will

match up to ?10 million of your generous donations to help one

crucial area of work we support in Africa. The cash will fund projects

that train people in the skills required to earn a living that lend

people the small amount of cash they need to start their own business and

that ensures that farmers get a fairly traded price for their crops.

Working your way out of poverty is not rocket science. It's a really

effective way of making lasting change. The results will help kids

go to school and make sure families have enough to eat and they can get

medical help if they need it. Big thanks to the Department for

International Development for matching your generosity.

So, Davina, let's add that new money to see, for the first time tonight,

where we are on the Sport Relief 2014 totaliser. I love this bit!

Here we go. Five, four, three, two, one!

Amazing. You, guys, you lot, you are amazing! All of you.

CHEERING Yes, I'm talking to you, with the

things on your head! Give whatever you can. Injure donation takes just

seconds. But I'm telling you, it will last a lifetime. Then you can

sit back and really enjoy the evening then. Indeed you can. We've

got so much more to come, including the first play of England's official

World Cup video. Plus, of course, Only Fools and Horses meets David

Only Fools and Horses meetsDavid David Beckham. So excited about

that. Now it's time for some more sport.

Get your goggles at the ready. We're going over to Clare Balding at the

Aquatic Centre for a treat. We give you synchronised swimming. Shall we

do it together? You ready? This is Clash of the Titans.

Thank you and welcome back to the Aquatic Centre and my wonderful

crowd here. The Clash of the Titans started in dramatic fashion. At the

velodrome we saw the men's elimination in which freny --

Freddie Flintoff fell off his bike and then he won. Team Bishop won.

They lead team Co, who are on ten points. That will inevitably change.

The next event required a different skill all together. The next event

in this pool is synchronised swimming. We are going to see two

routines, luckily both individuals from the Clash of the Titans teams

are going to be helped out by the wonderful women from Aquabatics. The

first by Patrick, the second from Greg James. Three judges, who know

what they're looking for will give their scores. Those scores will be

turned into points and we find out which team wins. This is something I

was not allowed to do at the Olympics, go back stage into the

changing room. Here we find our competitors. Patrick is looking

terrified. I'm sorry? You're looking terrified. Yes, terrified. About

finesse, glamour, you have all of that? This is the finesse and

glamour. This is the rest. Indeed. Remember to hold your breath. Greg,

have you recovered from the cycling? Just about. I can barely walk, but

that was a man's event. This is a danty event. I am ready. I'm

bringing it home for Coe. These girls are amazing. I've trained so

hard for this. Have you? Yes! I really have. Everybody's laughing.

That's what training has been like. I've been going, "Right, let's do.

It" They've just been laughing at me. We're getting on really well.

We're going to give it our best go. The definition of team spirit. I'm

heading back out here because this crowd cannot wait to see the

competitors. CHEERING

You are in for a treat. A huge roar and a huge welcome please for the

first of our synchronised swimming competitors. For Team Bishop, it's

Patrick Kielty. APPLAUSE

Oh, my word! But before the commentary team take over. Let's see

how Patrick enjoyed his training. I'm really looking forward to the

synchronised swimming. John Bishop has ruin today for everybody. Used

to be you could do a sponsored walk and everybody was happy. It's going

to be a shambles. Let's do. It I'm ready. Start the car. Start the car.

We're going to teach you on land. Apparently this is the most basic

routine you can do. Five, six, seven, eight. This isn't good. Good

spiky fingers, so we don't look like a teapot. I thought it was going to

be like lying on a lilo and all this stuff, it's like, it jazz hands. I

don't know! Basically this is like the Titanic. It is not going to get

any bet were water. I am a disgrace. I am an embarrassment and I'm still

going to beat Greg James. APPLAUSE

So we have Patrick Kielty representing Team Bishop. He's

taking this very seriously indeed. Nice use of props by the team.

They're in the water. Now watch. As the girls get into position, as does

Patrick, he chose this music himself. It's Happy by Farell. He

thought he would create an upbeat move. What he forgot is it would be

fast as well. Good leg work by Patrick. He's selling this routine.

He's got to be synchronised. That's what the judges are looking for .

Here comes the big lift. He sold that brilliantly. The girls look

like they were doing all the work under water. But Patrick needed good

core strength, good finish. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

He got the crowd behind him for everybody moment of that routine.

Well done to Patrick. It's fair to say, he has never

performed in a costume like that. It may be a costume like that has never

been seen in the Aquatic Centre. That was timed really well. All the

hard work that goes on under water, as you can see, the girls sculling

with their hands. You can't touch the floor when you're doing

synchronised swimming. This is the lift. That was good.

The judges have been analysing the under water cameras, watching from

above, assessing the reaction of the crowd. The scores are in: You have a

nine, a nine and a ten for a total of 28 points! Well done.

APPLAUSE Ladies and gentleman, we are now

ready for our second performance. It comes from a man who likes to think

of himself as the apprentice of synchronised swimming. We give you

Greg James of TeamCoe. Here is how Greg got on in training

with help from a local legend. I'm Greg James, Radio 1 DJ and not a

very good water baby. You might go oh, diving board, oh, and then Tom

Daley. He's actually here. No pressure. Gonna meet my team. Hi

everyone. My worry is make up. Is it water proof? I'm not very

coordinated. My limbs are too long and I can't dance we volcano. --

Very well. Can you straighten your leg? I want advice. Pointy toes.

Impossible. It's really difficult. I am out of my depth. But seeing Tom

there on the diving board has inspired me. Tom, I won't let you

down. This is the dance of the knights.

Greg is channelling Lord sugar. I don't think Lord sugar has ever

had a business suit quite like that. The entry into the pool looked neat

here. Greg gets into position. Dynamic control, this performance.

He told me the hardest thing for him is remembering everything, getting

everything in the right order, getting his legs, arms in sync with

the girls. That was good synchronisation. Maybe his toes were

not very pointy there. The arm sequence there, that was good. He

looked in time with the girls. We're building up to the big lift. Watch

as they prepare to push him out of the water. Good presentation by

Greg! He got up really well there. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That was mean, that was moody. Here was the start. Every business suit

should have velcro trousers. You need to have extraordinary breath

control and stamina to do this sport. They say it's like running

the 400 metres while holding your breath and smiling at the same time.

Well done. Do you think you made Tom proud? I think so. When we talked

about the Olympic legacy I feel like me checking I hadn't fallen out in

the water was definitely in Seb Coe's mind. Have you made him proud?

I hope so. Lord, I hope I've made you proud. These girls are

incredible. Round after plauz for my wonderful dancers.

-- Round of applause for my wonderful dancers.

APPLAUSE Let's see if you've done enough to

overtake Patrick. The judges have scored you with an eight, a ten and

a nine. That means ape total of 27 points.

BOO I'm sorry, we can see Team Bishop

celebrating. Patrick is giving you the big I am.

I can tell that Greg looks absolutely gutted with that. That

means that Team Bishop score four points for the win.

I think it's fair to say that here, didn't we love Greg's routine? We

want to say a big well done to you. Thank you very much much.

CHEERING Well done guys.

Those costumes were wrong on every level. They're quite difficult moves

they're trying to execute. I thought they were really good. Yeah. There

is a fine line between synchronised swimming and synchronised drowning.

Davina, did that bring back memories of that Lake Windermere by any

chance? No, no. That was nice, warm, it was pretty, light. Lovely. Very

nice. So, after the second event, Team Bishop has 15 points and Team

Coe has 12. The competition is really hotting

up. It's about to get hotter, because the third event, ridge make

gymnastics, what -- rhythmic gymnastics is coming up. You will

love it. Lord Coe in a leotard, woof, woof. Calm down. It won't

surprise you on Sport Relief we are keen on sport and really hope that

you've been inspired by tonight's proceedings. If when the Sport

Relief weekend is over you need more inspiration on how to get more

involved in loads of different sports, then do check out

bbc.co.uk/getinspired, where there's a load of things to do. This is

exciting. It's another Sport Relief gem, performing this pop classic for

the first time on UK television, in 25 years, this is especially for

you, and this is Kylie Minogue. # I wanna let you know

what I was going though # I wanna tell you

I was feeling that way too # Forget the loneliness

and the sorrow # And now we're back

together, together # I wanna show you

my heart is oh so true # Forget the loneliness

and the sorrow # And now we're back

together, together # I wanna show you

my heart is oh so true # And now we're back

together, together # I wanna show you my

heart is oh so true Your teeth, look at them. Smile!

Amazing. That was a dream come true. It was 30 seconds before I spotted

the difference between you. Kylie and Jason! And Jason! You know what,

Kylie, they are not worth it. So, listen, that picture as well, that

is terrifying! LAUGHTER

The teeth. It was amazing. They are YOUR teeth! Kylie will be back to

perform later without David Walliams, you will be glad to hear.

Now, the amazing Kylie Minogue. Thank you.

Now, doing a challenge for Sport Relief changes your life. I know

that. And Cheryl Cole does, too. She also knows about the horrendous

illness that is malaria. Five years ago, I was part of a team that

helped climb Kilimanjaro for Comic Relief. We were all climbing because

we wanted to raise money for mosquito nets to help protect people

from malaria. Then, the next year, I got malaria myself. It was one of

the scariest things I have ever experienced, as you can imagine, but

I got the best possible treatment fast. And I know how lucky I was to

do that. Many people, particularly young children, aren't so lucky and

they desperately need your help. Every morning at this hospital in

eastern Uganda, a steady stream of desperate parents join the queue

with their severely-ill children. Almost all of these kids have

malaria. The problem is I don't have enough beds. Four-year-old Moses has

been brought in by his Dad. He has got severe malaria. Sharing the bed

with him is Ben, rushed in by his mother. He's unconscious. He's got

severe malaria. In the next bed along is a boy who was brought in

after having seizures caused by severe malaria. The list of victims

of this horrible disease is never-ending. This girl has malaria,

John has malaria, Jonah has cerebral malaria, this brother and sister

also have malaria. It is like an epidemic. This is just an ordinary

day in this hospital. Another child suddenly becomes critical. Another

mother is helpless as she watches her daughter suffer the effects of

malaria. And outside, the queue doesn't stop growing. Throughout

this hospital, too many children are losing the battle against this

terrible disease. And the reality is too many of them won't survive. It

makes us sad. Malaria is a preventible disease. In Africa, a

child dies from malaria every single minute. I'm asking you tonight if

you can to help us change this. ?15 buys a mosquito net which could save

a child's life. Please call 03457 910 910. Or go online at

bbc.co.uk/sportrelief. Thank you. Please do pick up the phone - 03457

910 910. It is time for another huge thank you. Sainsbury's has been

selling all the official Sport Relief merchandise and fund-raising

like never before. Please can I take those for a minute? Thank you. So,

Winter Olympic gold medallist Amy Williams headed off to do the

honourable thing. Thank you. A polite expression used

when acknowledging a gift, a service or a compliment. Simple. That is why

I'm here today. And here. And here. To say thank you to the wonderful

people who shop and work at Sainsbury's. Thanks. Cheers. Some

have done really silly things. Loads of people have been doing something

sporty, but wherever they are, they have all been doing their bit.

Thousands of people in hundreds of stores have been raising a shed-load

of cash. Then there's the special Sport Relief gear that all of you

lovely customers have been buying by the trolley-load. Thank you. There's

the Sport Relief T-shirt, this lovely headband and an all in one.

Woah! Why am I the only one wearing one of these? Come on, chop, chop.

All over the UK, the army of fundraisers and customers have been

getting active in their thousands and helping add to the incredible

amount of money raised. Much better! You have been snapping up

deelyboppers, sports bags and pin badges - and soft balls! Sorry,

guys. All in all, to everyone who shops and works in Sainsbury's, you

have been truly amazing. There is only one thing left to say - thank

you! So, let us have a look at how much

the fantastic Sainsbury's team and their customers have raised. It is:

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE That is an incredible amount of

money! I want to say massive pats on the backs and huge round of applause

to all of you who purchased merchandise and to Sainsbury's.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Now, this summer, all eyes will be on

South America as Brazil goes nut for the FIFA World Cup. I can't wait. I

love croquet! Nowhere is the excitement more palpable than in the

Match of the Day studio. Take a look at this. Another exciting Saturday

in the Premier League. The title race is hotting up. It is proving to

be the perfect appetiser to this year's main course, England at the

World Cup. Good night. We are off air, thanks, guys. Here we go again.

England haven't won anything yet and they never will. It will be tough.

At least we have qualified, unlike Scotland. And Wales! And Republic of

Ireland. That may be true, but the only thing coming back with England

this year is an all-over tan! I remember 2010, England were almost

home. He was still putting his World Cup wall chart up. It will be

different this time. In what way? I have had an idea. I will put

together a World Cup song, a song that will inspire the nation, a song

to bring people together, a song the fans can sing on the terraces and

help ensure that England DO win the 2014 FIFA World Cup! LAUGHTER What a

joke that is! Make it to the quarterfinals then! Get out the

group stage? No. I will bring together some legendary footballers,

musicians and entertainers. It will be like Band Aid! We will use the

same recording studio. That is a good idea. We will do it for Sport

Relief, because if it is rubbish, we can play the charity card. You know

nothing about making records. I know a Gary that does! The legend that is

Gary Barlow. What, you know Gary Barlow? Yes. You don't. Course I do.

All us showbusiness Garies know each other. Prove it. I will call him,

right now. Under B. PHONE RINGS Hello? It is Gary. Hey,

Gary. So, Gary, what you been up to? Chilling out, laying down some

tracks. That's cool. Sounds dench! You what? What you talking about?

Nothing! I'm putting together an England World Cup song for Sport

Relief. I need your musical know-how? I would do anything for

Sport Relief. You have to do something in return. You want World

Cup tickets? No problem. Can you get me Alan Hansen's autograph? LAUGHTER

I suppose so. Brilliant. I'm in. This could be Sport Relief's

Greatest Day! # Tonight this could be

the greatest night of our lives # Can you see it, can you see it

in my eyes? # Can you hold it

in your arms tonight? # Yeah, the world starts to come

alive when you stay close to me # Today this could be

the greatest day of our lives # Stay close to me

And the world comes alive # Stay close to me

Hold on # Stay close to me

and the world comes alive # Today this could be

the greatest day of our lives That was great. If England don't win

the World Series, after that, they never will. The World Cup. Yeah that

too, the double. That was brilliant. Let's hear it for the legendary Gary

Barlow. And the newest and most tone deaf member of Take That.

APPLAUSE Thank you very much, David. Too

kind. The real stars are our footballers and our musicians and we

must thank the Football Association for their support.

Brilliant. I thought that was really good.

Here is the wonderful Sue Johnson. I'd like you to meet a wonderful man

called Bob. He's 92 years old. He's led a full and happy life. And I

think what makes Bob's story so very touching is that unlike some of the

films we show you on nights like tonight, what's happened to Bob is

something that could happen to each and every one of us.

You're going back to 1937, I met my Cath. She was lovely. One of the

guys said to me, "Hey, she fancies you." I said, "Well, I certainly

fancy her." Unfortunately, in 1939, the war separated us. But whilst I

was over there, I thought, I need to write to her and ask her to marry

me. Family life in those days was a happy life. I can remember one

occasion, we were in bed, cuddling as one does, and she said, "Oh,

aren't your legs hairy." I said, "Well no, I've still got my socks

on! " One evening, she turned around and

she looked at me and said, "Where's Bob? And I'm Bob and the bottom

dropped out of my world then. The doctor said she's in the early days

of Alzheimer's disease. As she got worse, it became more difficult to

nurse her. She stayed here until the end. Eventually, she passed away at

1am, by my side. I couldn't believe it. She's gone.

It was impossible to say goodbye or I love you, any more. Bob's wife

Cath died three years ago. He's now 92 years old and lives on his own.

Last year, Sport Relief helped set up the Silverline, a free 24 hour

help line that gives older people a friendly voice to talk to, whenever

they need it. Silverline is not only a Silverline, but a lifeline. When I

wake in the middle of the night, you can't ring the family, but you can

pick up the phone and talk to somebody. For 65 years, we was

together all the time. And you realise that there is nobody you can

say to, "About a cup of tea? Have you got some of that cake left over

from yesterday? There is no way to do it. You get up and make your own

cup of tea. That's when you realise that you are alone. Loneliness is

heart breaking, so tonight, please, give what you can to help wonderful

older people like Bob. Call 03457 910 910. Thank you.

If you are watching that film and you thought, oh, do you know what, I

must call my mum, my dad, granny or granddad, then please do that, but

could be call us too, please? 03457 910 910. And make a donation, so we

can try and make sure there's always somebody at the end of a phone for

everyone. Loneliness is terrible. It's a terrible thing. Let's do what

we can to help. I'm going to say it again: 03457 910 910. Thank you.

Coming up, the superstar pairing of Jack Whitehall and Claudia Winkleman

w, a plethora of Sport Relief goodies. You will not want to miss

this: Yes, an hillarious celebrity

Mastermind starring Premier League footballers. I'm in it too! And

talking of unmissable, David Beckham stars in a very special Only Fools

and Horses. It is just 20 minutes away, people!

CHEERING Very exciting. Now it's time to

reveal the lineup for the next must-see event, rhythmic gymnastics.

In the blue conner, team cab tin Seb Coe, Ole myrrhs and Sally Philips.

In the red corner, captain, John Bishop, Helen Skelton and Nick

Grimshaw. Sport Relief, this is Clash of the Titans! Welcome back.

Next up you're going to see something nifty with one of these.

Let's look at the leaderboard, as it stands. It is Team Bishop who are

narrowly in the lead. Team Coe trailing at the moment. It

could all change. Income tax up, a sport -- next up, a sport which

sorts the men from the boys, rhythmic gymnastics and there's

fighting talk from the captains. Tonight, it's all about one evening,

and two men can stand face to face. Yeah I've heard John Bishop is

pretty competitive. For me sport has always been about taking part and

the medals, the big gold, shiny medals. I think it's brilliant that

he has a couple of gold medals. Let's bear in mind it was Moscow,

where probably I could have won a race. Funny, but what's he ever won?

Now it's time to settle this, like men. ?

At the end of the day, we'll go back to where we're from. John doesn't

stand a chance, but don't tell him Training looks like it's been going.

It's tough, isn't it? This is the halfway stage, you're doing all

right. You're doing OK. You have your nose in front. Yeah the team's

got their nose in front. Everyone will know I'm personally

disappointed with my own performance. I feel I can contribute

more. We've had e-mails from the kids in Africa saying that was

appalling, the cycling. This was the event for me to get my pride back.

It's the sport I think of when I think of you. You have a bit of work

to do. Yeah, we have actually. We've got to get into this now. This is

the moment. Cometh the moment, cometh the team. You have to get in

the zone and reveal what's under the tracksuit. The nation awaits. That's

not the first time you've said that to me! Off you go. You're the man

who brought the Olympics to London. You were an MP. You're a man that

the country admires and respects. CHEERING

You're about to do rhythmic gymnast nicks lycra. It's a really tough

sport. I'm not telling you that, you know. It's complicated. All for a

very good cause. Jo and the number is: 03457 910 910. Dig deep.

Absolutely do what the man says. Let's join our commentary team now.

We're on the edge of our seats here, Chris. We are. Down there are three

very experienced rhythmic gymnastics judges to assess the performances.

They will judge each team out of ten. The winning team will get the

maximum points. Such a good rehearsal. Let's hope they can

reproduce it here. It's time for the first performance.

They look repleb dent. Make -- resplenden. Make some noise for Team

Bishop. They stride onto the mat, full of

confidence. It's Team Bishop, what an opener.

Oh, yes! Football skills to the fore here.

There's the mover of the trio. Death throw and death catch. Good

work. Helen a bit unsure with the ball

there, but she's away now. The action woman really being tested

here. Nice little pivot. Well done, Helen.

Here he comes. He's snaking his way through.

Using that rhythm. Preparing for the big throw.

Well, a little snag. And the big finale, and she's missed it. What a

pity for Helen. Smile through adversity. Well, that was a little

bit of a disappointment. The aim is to finish with the apparatus but

what a great expressive, fun performance that was. Nick Grimshaw

took to that sport. Well, Snakes with the ribbon, then the throw.

What do you think? Well, full of confidence and that throw was well

caught. The ball is probably one of the more difficult apparatus. Nice

cart wheel there. Here the man himself, John Bishop, snaking his

way through with the ribbon. Look at the focus on his face!