What Burns Did For Me

Well, here we are in Motherwell.

This indeed is Motherwell, where I was born and bred.

Born here in 1969.

Grew up just over there, somewhere,

and I got a lot of my education just below that tower there, in the Motherwell Town Snooker Club,

where I spent a lot my years. You learned a lot of things in there.

And there's my fitba team, even, Firpark Stadium.

Still going to see Motherwell every week.

But it's weird. When I was growing up, I was one of they guys,

didn't know what I was going to do with my life, but here I am now,

been working on the wireless for years, burnt my gums on the radio,

and writing in the paper for years and years, as well.

So, where did it all come fae?

'Well, it's been a bit of a puzzle to me for the past 30-odd years, now.

'At primary school I was never the Horace Broon character

'who walked away with the dux medal, and I was honkin' at fitba.

'But the one thing I did love was the poetry of Robert Burns.'

How dare you set your fit upon her.

'So, I'm setting out on a wee journey

'to find out a bit more about Robert Burns the man...'

He was the first modern rock 'n' roll hero. Absolutely.

'..what us Scots think of his poetry today.'

It's boring, it's old fashioned, nobody cares anymore.

What about 'blether'?

'I meet a man who reckons we should be proud to use the Scots language.'

If a child came into a class speaking French, round of applause.

"What a talent you have."

Speak in Scots? "Here, speak properly, what's wrang with you?" We've got to re-think this.

'And a real eye-opener - a Burns boffin pointing out just what an influence the bard had on me.'

And you've got a great story -

discovering talents that you didn't know you had,

talents that actually have become your professional life,

and Burns is behind all of that.

'My journey starts at Calder Primary School in Motherwell.

'It's now more than 30 years since I was a pupil,

'which means they've had plenty of time to put up a blue plaque.

'But, at least they did let me have a chat with the current heidy,

'Molly Scott.'

-Right, so that was me in the school.

-Mm-hmm.

Get a wee look. Don't know if you can pick me out.

-Very good.

-Very smart pupils. All in uniform.

'For three years running, primary 5, 6 and 7,

'I won the Burns Federation top prize,

'not just for the school, not just for Motherwell, but for the whole of Lanarkshire.

'And back then it was a right big deal,

'with just about every school in Scotland taking part.

'But, if I say so myself, TC was the Top Cat.

'And, here's the evidence in these black and white photies.

'Eh, that's me on the left, by the way.'

ALL: I married with a scolding wife The fourteenth of November.

'As a way of marking my return to Calder Primary,

'I've decided to have a bash at reciting my winning poems to the whole school.

'But first, I got a wee refresher from the current primary 7 pupils.'

ALL: And many griefs attended.

'It was a bit different 30 years ago.

'Practising the poem in front of your classmates

'was really just an audition. The real deal was yet to come.'

When you'd come out the classroom, you kind of knew the poem, but you weren't an expert,

you didn't maybe have all the gesticulations and the real bit of fire in your voice.

And when you were walking down here, you'd be absolutely panicking,

cos this was like Carnegie Hall,

The O2, whatever you want to call it.

Even got a wee shiver just thinking about it, there.

You would be out here,

in front of the entire school.

All your teachers down both ends of the hall.

And then you would immediately forget the first line.

And then it would come back to you - bang!

And away you'd go.

'I haven't done a Burns recital, or, for that matter, even read a line of Burns,

'since I left here.

'But I'm hoping the auld magic will come flooding back,

'and I'm really hoping it's not a tough Motherwell crowd.'

Mr Cowan, would you like to come in and join our assembly this morning?

OK, here we go. Good morning.

PUPILS: Good morning, Mr Cowan.

Brilliant.

'OK, here we go.

'And remember, the last time I stood here, I was 11 years old.'

Address To A Haggis by Robert Burns.

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face

Great chieftain o' the pudding-race!

'I genuinely thought it would all come back to me,

'but only a couple of lines in, I began to sense

'it was all going horribly wrong.'

TAM LAUGHS

PUPILS BOO AND CHEER

'But no need to panic, Tam. It was only an address to an auld pudding.

'The real test is the big one.

'All 20 verses of it, and as a kid, it was my absolute favourite.'

Tam O' Shanter, by Robert Burns.

When chapman billies leave the street

And drouthy neibors neibors, meet...

..As market days are wearing late

And we sit talkin' o'er the gate

TAM LAUGHS

'Ah, Tam. Had thou but been sae wise,

'to look at the book before you arrived.'

The mosses, waters, slaps and stiles,

That lie between us and our hame.

Thank you very much.

PUPILS BOO AND CHEER

Aye, all right, all right.

There you go. Just be grateful the dead cannae sue.

Sorry, Rabbie Burns.

But, that was horrendous. That was a wee bit scary, as well.

And I must be honest,

even though it was 30, 32, 33 years ago

I was doing those three poems,

I did genuinely think somewhere they would be still lodged in there.

But they weren't.

-Did you enjoy that, or was it rubbish?

-Eh, good.

TAM LAUGHS

I get a feeling that if we did a wee bit of,

maybe even went down to Burns country, you never know.

A wee bit of it might start coming back.

But, do I want it back? That's the thing.

'So, time to get back to basics.

'And where better to start than Burns's old stamping ground?'

While we sit bousing at the nappy

Come on, Rabbie. I need your help here, pal.

I got booed! Booed off stage

by the weans at my old school.

Need a wee bit of inspiration. Help us out.

While we sit bousing at the nappy

An' getting fou and unco happy

'Ayr town centre is absolutely crammed with references to Burns.

'So surely this is where I'll find all the real experts.

What's your all-time favourite bit of Rabbie Burns?

-Ohhh!

-No, I don't remember that one. What was that fae?

SHE LAUGHS

Wee, sleekit, cow'rin tim'rous beastie

That's about as much as I know.

-Seriously, is that all you know?

-I did it at school, I've remembered that line.

A man's a man for a' that and a' that.

-You like that?

-I like that.

Some hae meat and cannae eat And some hae meat that want it

We hae meat, and we can eat Sae let the Lord be thankit. Amen.

-And who wrote that?

-Rabbie Burns!

-Good. What's it called?

Oh, To A Mouse or something. I don't ken.

And do you think, yourself, it should be taught to the kids?

I think they should be getting taught more about the Second World War and stuff,

and current things.

Old, really old. Nobody cares anymore.

He was born in 1759, give the man a chance.

Exactly, he should be kept in 1759, there's no need for him now.

What about yourself? A wee bit of Burns, what would it be?

My Luve's like a red, red rose

-And that's my wife.

-Right.

-You believe that if you want.

HE LAUGHS

Thanks. >

Do you think kids should still be taught Burns?

Absolutely. I think it's positive.

It's part of our culture,

and I think it's positive to get them involved in that.

Any country you stay in, you need to be involved in your culture, and know where you're from.

And that's a massive part of Scotland, and especially Ayrshire's history.

'There's no better place to immerse yourself

'in the history of Burns, than just down the road in Alloway.

'This is the epicentre of all things Burns,

'including the brand-new £23 million museum.

'The heid bummer here is Nat Edwards,

'and in my personal tour of the museum,

'he revealed his in-depth knowledge of the bard,

'and some incredible facts.'

In Japan, for example, if you cross the road at one of these pelican crossings,

and you press the button, if you're crossing one direction it plays Coming Through The Rye.

-Oh, right.

-It's a tune people are familiar with. Didn't even realise it was Burns,

but they've been hearing it since they were knee-high to a grasshopper.

The song they play to clear shopping centres in Japan

at the end of the day, to tell everybody to go, is Auld Lang Syne.

One of the national songs of Bangladesh is based on

Ye Banks And Braes O' Bonnie Doon.

But it's a song that every taxi driver in Bangladesh thinks of as their song.

And that's the great thing about Burns. People have heard a wee bit of Burns,

they'll recognise a quote, they'll recognise a snatch of music,

and suddenly he's somebody who's very familiar.

'I'd only been in here five minutes, and any other museum,

'I'd be been fast asleep by now.

'But I was genuinely beginning to find this place fascinating.

'And then Nat played his trump card, and showed me and exhibit

'that genuinely took my breath away.'

I'm almost getting a wee kind of tingle.

So that wee pen set has been in the hand of Robert Burns?

That's absolutely amazing. Tell us about that.

It's hard to sum up in a few words how magical that is.

Burns wrote in the ale houses and the brothels and the houses he visited,

and just in the fields.

And that pen set tells you all of that.

And it might even have been one of those pens, for example, that wrote Tam O' Shanter?

There's a very good chance that it was, yeah.

It's the equivalent of seeing Van Gogh's paintbrushes or George Best's boots.

They're physical connection through an object with the very best that the man's got to offer.

'I'd always thought Burns was just a farmer who wrote a few poems,

'but I'm now beginning to think he wouldn't look out of place in the line-up of the Rolling Stones,

'or maybe even on the cover of Sgt Pepper.'

He took music and poetry that other people had been doing,

but without the sexiness and passion.

He gave it a huge new audience,

and he made Scottish writing and Scottish poetry and Scottish music

international and sexy and revolutionary,

and absolutely put a fire under the establishment.

So, Nat. Sum up for me, then, Robert Burns in one word.

Rock 'n' roll.

He was. He was the first modern rock 'n' roll hero.

'30 years ago,

'the words "rock 'n' roll" and "Robert Burns"

'didn't appear in the same sentence.

'Things have obviously changed.

'And, while standing on the Brig O' Doon

'where Tam O' Shanter's horse lost its tail,

'it makes me wonder, apart from winning certificates and trophies, what Burns did for me.'

I'm looking here after 30 years at Tam O' Shanter.

When chapman billies leave the street

And drouthy neibors, neibors, meet As market days are wearing late And folk begin to tak the gate

But after that, I'm thinking "what does that word mean? I don't undertand that bit."

Was I just learning it parrot fashion? Learnt all the words, but didn't actually understand them.

And I must honest, if I was a kid now, looking back at that,

and it wasn't forced upon me a wee bit,

I don't know if I could be bothered with it.

So, is there a better way of learning Scots, understanding it,

where a lot of it isn't actually gobbledegook?

ALL: # You put your oxter in, your oxter oot,

# in, oot, in, oot,

# shake it all aboot.

# You do the shooglie-wooglie and you birl around,

# that's what it's all aboot. Tam! #

'At Glencairn Primary, another school in Motherwell,

'I caught up with Matthew Fitt.

'He's taught the Scots language

'in over 1,000 schools,

'and he's written loads of books, all in the Scots language.

'He teaches the kids modern Scots first.

'And then he gives them a flavour of the old Scots that Burns used.

'But what motivated Matthew to do all this in the first place?'

I think it goes back to when I was in primary 6,

when I got belted for using Scots words in the classroom.

I said to the teacher that I didnae ken something,

and she went aff her heid about it.

I thought, "Well, I need to learn English to get on." So, I did.

Point tae your left lug.

I realised there was something missing in me,

and it was the Scots language.

So Scots is something that's part of me.

It's in here, and it's in here as well.

There was naebody around to tell me what Scots was,

so I had to go and find out masel, ask people, read books.

And I ended up writing, masel.

What about mingin? Put your hand up right now if you're mingin.

PUPILS LAUGH

'Mingin, boufin, loupin, boggin. Magic!

'The kids are now getting taught the full vocabulary.

'But hands up if you think Matthew can solve a personal language problem.

-'I've got a wean. That's Scots for "baby".

-Thank you.

MATTHEW LAUGHS

And she's at an age when they're meant to be taking everything in, you know.

And whenever I do stuff like, "Come on, we'll look oot the windae",

or, "Come here, I'll lift you up aff the flair" or whatever,

my wife disnae like it. So, should she have a problem with this?

Not really. Because she's hearing Scots fae you, and hearing English, I imagine, from your wife,

and so your lass is being brought up bilingual.

And a lot of folk hae a problem with...

So, my baby's bilingual, already?

A lot of folk hae a problem with the word "bilingual"

cos it means you're taking Scots seriously as a language,

but surely learning the language of your faither is an important thing?

'And, when it comes tae Scots, you CAN teach an auld dug new jinks.

ALL: # Heid, shooders knaps and taes Knaps and taes

# Heid, shooders, knaps and taes Shanks and taes... #

'So, it's official. It is OK to talk in Scots.

'Ma bairn will be singing Heid And Shooders

'like a lichty the nichty when I get hame.'

Brilliant!

'But I hear one of the highest seats of learning are also talking Scots,

'in the shape of a new Robert Burns study centre at Glasgow Uni,

'Co-run by professor Kirsteen McCue.'

So, Kirsteen. This is actually your place of work, of course.

-Is this all for Burns?

-Oh, I wish it was all for Burns!

This is the Bute Hall at Glasgow University...

'Now, I've never been to university, so I had nae idea what was going on.

'Kirsteen later told me that this is a graduation.'

I'm quite embarrassed that you put this on for me, today.

Normally with other folk we've interviewed you just get a cup of tea.

-His doctorate in Tommy Cooper studies, there.

-That's right.

SHE LAUGHS

My mum's got a lampshade like that.

Somebody was telling me recently the coloured hoods are all based on Scottish heathers at Glasgow.

'Kirsteen is one of the world's leading authorities on Burns and his work.

'So I took the opportunity to ask a very scholarly question.'

Was he a great intellect, then? Was he a real brainbox?

Would he have been the Horace Broon from The Broons if he was here now?

Yeah, he was. He was very well read.

As quite a young man he was a reader of philosophy and of literature.

He was very, very deeply influenced by Adam Smith's theory of moral sentiments.

In fact, To A Mouse, they say, is a direct response, in some ways,

of Burns' reading Enlightenment philosophy.

'Kirsteen is undoubtedly a smart cookie.

'But I thought it was time to impress her with some of MY credentials.

'And, as it happens, I once met her dad,

'the late, great Scots singer, Bill McCue.

'And check this out -

'two of my winning Burns certificates were presented to me

'by the great man himself.'

Your dad presented me with both of these.

Oh, you're joking!

March 1981. You can have a wee look at them.

-That's weird, the person that gave me them was a McCue.

-That's weird!

And now I'm passing them on to his daughter for a wee look.

-"Smashing attack."

-Yes.

-"First class delivery." "Almost too loud."

Yeah, keep going.

SHE LAUGHS

The adjudicators were very kind. But your dad, honestly, was even better. I vividly remember it.

He came up at the end, shook my hand, just a wee boy, I was,

he shook my hand and said, "That was great" and "Really good".

'So I was encouraged by Bill McCue all those years ago,

'but can Kirsteen McCue shed some light

'on how I might have benefited from the Burns competitions?'

Kirsteen, would it be fair to say, then,

that Burns preserved the Scots language?

Could I even go further and say that if it hadn't been for Robert Burns,

I wouldnae be speaking the way I speak now?

Yeah, I think you could follow that through to a logical conclusion.

My literary colleagues would say,

"Well, it wasn't just Burns, it was a whole load of others."

But for the majority of Scots,

if they only come across one piece of Scots literature

or one Scottish writer in their lifetime, it will be Burns.

So, from that point of view, yeah, I think it is.

Now, the thing is, with the way I speak,

I've had folk having a go at me, having a wee pop at me.

They hear this voice on the radio and they think,

"Oh, he's almost putting that voice on,

"because it's the fitba he's talking about all the time."

Is that just utterly ridiculous?

Should I be proud of the way I speak?

I think the key thing is to feel natural in your own language

and to be able to speak in that language

with a certain level of confidence.

And I think there's a real problem with Scots, actually, in our country, in that context.

And I think the fact that you speak the way you do on radio,

is the way many people...

You hear the programmes, the football call-in programmes on a Saturday,

you're speaking the same language as the people who are listening to those programmes.

Right, so anybody that's criticising the way I speak,

can I just claim that the baton has been passed on to me

from our national bard?

Can I make that claim now?

-Yeah. Do you write poems?

-Eh?

SHE LAUGHS

So, do you write poems?

Yes. "There was a young man from Sanka, who..."

No. Do you know that one?

I can imagine!

I think there's two things happening here.

Yes, I think you could quite legitimately say,

"I'm taking the baton of Burns"

in the sense of keeping a living language going.

But Burns was also a creative writer.

He was also an artist.

And I don't think we should forget that, as well.

He's doing artistic things with language.

It's not to suggest you're not being creative, Tam,

but you're using a living language in a living way.

You're not using it in a creative way in terms of literature.

So Burns is doing the two things,

but you're certainly carrying half of the baton on.

Right. OK.

'To be honest, I reckon she was just being nice, saying "half the baton."

'But that's quite a responsibility.

And it's beginning to sink in that Burns had a bigger influence on me than I thought possible.

'Being booed aff the stage...

'..a stage, remember, that I once owned, was humiliating.

'So, I decided I would try and redeem masel,

'and go back and put on a proper Burns day for the kids.

'So, what do I need for a proper Burns day?

'Haggis. Aye. Definitely need a haggis.

'But what do you do with a haggis?'

Cut you up wi' ready sleight

Trenching your gushing entrails bright,

Like ony ditch

And, O what a glorious sight...

'Ricky Hutchison is an expert Burns supper man.

'And he's brilliant at the Address To The Haggis.

'He's also a lawyer from Airdrie,

'so, I'm sure he's carved up quite a few big puddings in his time.

An' legs an' arms, an' heids will sned,

Like taps o' trissle.

'Nah, haggis is oot. Kids hate haggis.

'Matthew Fitt had suggested playing an auld Scots game called flighting.

'Two folk go head-to-head, using one-word insults in turn, until you get a winner.

'So Matthew, you're the boss, you can go first.

-Numpty.

-Warmer.

-Bauchle.

-Tube.

-Hornie golach.

-Cabbage.

-Kale.

-Eejit.

-Bahookie.

-Fartypops.

-I think I clinched it, there.

-That's it, that's the winner.

MATTHEW LAUGHS

I gie up!

'Nah, I'm not so sure. One slip of the tongue and that game could easily get out of control.

'The one thing I definitely have to include is Tam O' Shanter.'

If I'm going to have a crack at doing a bit of Burns,

I need somebody who's going to help my performance.

And where better to come than here?

King's Theatre in Glasgow,

where the star of the show is miss Karen Dunbar.

Now, I saw Karen performing Tam O' Shanter in front of a packed crowd

about a year, two years ago, and it was amazing.

13 minutes of sheer magic when she was on stage.

Brilliant performance.

And if anybody could help me,

I'm pretty sure Karen could. Fingers crossed.

Don't just learn the words, learn what it is underneath it.

Tell them a story wi' they words.

But know the story you're telling.

And if you can manage that, Tam,

I'll take my hat off tae ye.

TAM LAUGHS

Can I be so bold as to ask you, just for me, for auld time's sake,

could you gie us a wee bit of Tam O'Shanter?

With a bit of gusto? And I'll take some tips.

Right, from the top of my heid,

and the top of my heid is very far up, as you can see.

Magic. Here we go, then. Just for me.

Tam O' Shanter by Robert Burns, as told by Karen Dunbar.

Right.

Ehm.

But Maggie stood right sair astonish'd

Till, by the heel and hand admonish'd

She ventur'd forward on the light

And, vow! Tam saw an unco sight!

Warlocks and witches in a dance

Nae cotillon brent new frae France, no

But hornpipes, jigs, strathspeys and reels

Put life and mettle in their heels.

'Now, when Burns wrote Tam O' Shanter,

'I bet you this is exactly how he wanted it performed.

'Well, maybe without the hat.'

He screw'd the pipes and gart them skirl

Till roof and rafters a' did dirl...

You're not gonnae be able to dae this.

No, honestly that's absolutely brilliant.

I am totally gubbed. That's it. Leave it to the experts.

Me and Burns recitals? Finito!

If he really wanted to dae something for the weans...

Charity marathon or something?

Ehm...

No, Tam is more than capable of it, but the work it takes, actually,

to put it across with confidence,

I think, and connection is maybe a wee bit more than reading a book.

He'll dae it. He will.

You think? No? No, he'll not.

No, he will. No, he'll not.

'But there's mair than one way to skin a haggis,

'so forget the usual stuff,

'I'm taking the kids from my old school on a mystery tour.

'And, to get them in the mood,

'what about a wee song I picked up in my travels?'

ALL: # Heid and shooders knaps and taes, knaps and taes

# And een and lugs and mooth and claes

# Heid and shooders, knaps and taes knaps and taes. #

Again!

# Heid and shooders, knaps and taes knaps and taes

# Heid and shooders, knaps and taes knaps and taes

# And een and lugs and mooth and claes

# Heid and shooders, knaps and taes knaps and taes. #

'This mystery tour will take the kids back in time.

'250 years back in time.'

You should be showing some 18th century manners,

so girls, lifting your...

And boys, you should be letting the girls walk in front of you.

'The kids get to spend the whole day dressed in 18th century clothes,

'and act out a day in the life of Burns and his family.'

So, have we got anybody who'd like to volunteer to be Agnes?

OK, your hand was up first, in you come.

You come and sit, and you can be Agnes

You can sit and nurse a baby in that chair there.

'This mystery tour has also taken me back in time, but only 30 years.

'And I think about the fantastic feeling I had

'when I won these trophies.

'And when I learnt to stand up in front of an audience

'and gie it laldy.

'Burns clearly helped me in my journey,

'and I feel it's time to pass on the baton.

'And, inspired by my favourite exhibit at the museum,

'I had a wee gift for the kids.'

And I want you, whenever you feel inspirational,

whenever you feel a wee bit like Robert Burns,

and you want to write some stuff doon,

write it into your notepads with these pencils, and you never know -

one day in the future,

there might be a museum named after one of you in Motherwell.

So you can dish these out, OK?

Yous'll all get one the now, but you can fire them out.

Thank you very much. Even better, who likes crisps?

-ALL: Me!

-Right, I've got haggis crisps for you.

ALL: Ewww!

TAM LAUGHS

Don't "Ewww!" They're actually very good. Gie them a go, first.

There you go. Thank you.

And as a wee special treat just to finish,

cos I know you did all enjoy it,

what I'm gonnae do for you now is read, one more time,

a wee bit of Burns. So, here we go. Tam O' Shanter, by Robert Burns.

SCREAMING

'Eh? How's that for gratitude?

'I was tempted to lock the wee bampots up for the night in Burns' haunted hoose.

'But, I forgave them, and decided I better get them back up the road.

'And at the end of my journey,

'I go home knowing that I've had the best seat in the house -

'next to Robert Burns.'

Burns, obviously, as I've learned, was determined

to hold on to the Scots language,

and even though, let's be fair,

the language has evolved a hell of a lot since then,

and there's still loads of words within Burns poems

that I wouldnae know

and the kids here wouldnae know,

it's obviously important, still, to haud on to the language.

And keep it strong.

And having learned the whole thing that Matthew Fitt was telling us

about being bilingual, and not thinking that Scots

is something to be swept under the carpet.

I mean, never in my life did I think I'd be able to turn around

and say, "hey, I'm bilingual".

So I'm quite happy about that,

and if bilingual means me being quite happy going on the radio,

speaking the way I do, speaking Scots, then absolutely brilliant.

So I do feel quite good about myself with that, aye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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