My Country: A Work in Progress

This programme contains strong language.

-DAVID CAMERON:

-We are approaching one of the biggest decisions

this country will face in our lifetimes -

whether to remain in a reformed European Union or to leave.

MUSIC: Greensleeves

DOOR CLOSES

FOOTSTEPS

BELL RINGS

Europe can only be united by the heartfelt wish

and vehement expression of the great majority of all

the people in all the parties,

in all the freedom-loving countries,

no matter where they dwell or how they vote.

We cannot aim at anything less than the union of Europe as a whole

and we look forward with confidence to the day

when that union will be achieved.

The political argument in Britain is over.

Every democrat will accept the result, you and all.

Indeed, many of those who have put up

the strongest fight against Britain's membership

of the Community have readily declared their acceptance

of the people's verdict.

Nationhood remains the focus of loyalty

and sovereignty in the modern world.

Europe can't be built by ignoring or suppressing this sense of nationhood

by trying to turn us into regions rather than nations.

The way forward lies in willing cooperation

between independent sovereign states.

It is our destiny to lead in Europe.

And Europe needs us.

For we have a vision of Europe - we want a people's Europe.

Free trade, industrial strength, high levels of employment

and social justice, a democratic Europe.

But we cannot shape that Europe unless we matter in Europe.

But in or out, we will be affected by it

and we must remain able to influence the way that it works.

BICYCLE BELL RINGS

There is a golden thread of common humanity that across nations

and faiths binds us together,

and it can light the darkest corners of the world.

Morning, Britney.

You came, then?

For the moment, Britney.

For the moment.

You love wearing this, eh?

I remember you in 1603, the coronation of James I.

We used it as a Quaich.

1707, the Act of Union.

Andrew Fletcher of Saltoun did a jobby in it.

Now look, the last time we met...

-The Bay City Rollers were at number one.

-What?

Last time we all met up.

Bye-bye, baby, don't make me cry.

Bye-bye, baby, don't say goodbye.

You're the one girl in town I'd marry.

South West.

You nerd.

You give me any time we've met and I'll give you the number one.

Or its equivalent, because, strictly speaking,

the charts as we know them didn't really start until 1952.

The Second World War.

-Start or finish?

-Start.

1939, Vera Lynn.

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when.

The sinking of the Titanic.

I'm shy, Mary Ellen, I'm shy.

It does seem so naughty, oh, my.

Kissing is nicey.

The Enclosure Act of 1801.

Twas in the solemn midnight hour, when all was dark around,

when planets strike...

The Declaration of Arbroath, 1321.

Ha-ha! You beauty.

The Declaration of Arbroath was 1320.

Ich herde men upo mould make muche mon.

Hou he beth itened of here tilyynge.

It's the Song of the Husbandman.

# Paham mae dicter, O Myfanwy...

Here we go.

# Yn llenwi'th lygaid duon di?

# A'th ruddiau tirion, O Myfanwy... #

-Bore da, Cymru.

-Bore da, Britney.

-South West.

-How do?

-Cymru.

-Bloody thrashed you at the rugby last week, boy.

Two words for you, pal.

Andy and Murray.

I'm not hearing that the world of international tennis

is dominated by the Welsh.

Two words right back at you.

Gareth...

..and Bale.

Eddie and Eagle.

Eddie the bloody Eagle?

The most successful of his countrymen

at the sport of ski jumping, bar none.

-Born and bred in Gloucestershire.

-Hello.

-Northern Ireland.

-Britannia.

East Midlands.

-Thank you so much for coming.

-No problem.

I can't say I'm surprised to hear from you.

These are serious times.

Serious times.

Once again, we find ourselves at a crucial moment

in our nation's history.

Is this all that's coming?

It seems that way.

Sorry I'm late.

Terrible journey, man.

You just off the Jarrow March?

We had gale force winds. The Angel of the North's on a tilt.

I had to change trains twice and queue-jump at the taxi rank.

I nearly threw up in the taxi

cos I got absolutely shit-faced last night.

You know, I'd learn to drive but I'm nervous of caravans.

Welcome.

-ALL:

-Welcome.

You are convened to meet the matter of this time

and speak the voices of your regions.

Say now for where you speak.

I speak today for Glasgow and for Edinburgh,

twin capitals of Caledonia.

I speak today for Merthyr Tydfil in the Welsh Valleys.

I speak today for Leicester, the centre of England.

I speak today for Salisbury and Gloucester.

Cathedral cities.

I speak today for Derry-Londonderry.

Legenderry.

I speak today for Sunderland, Durham, Gateshead, Northumberland

and South Bleedin' Shields.

Say now for whom you speak.

Eddie.

Richard.

Amy.

Padma.

-Maureen.

-Curtis.

-Jay.

-Siobhan.

-Mike.

-Darren.

-Arvinder.

-Caroline.

-Lucy.

-Des.

-Terry.

-Dee.

Jude.

-Joseph.

-Mila.

Paul.

Jackie.

Karen.

-Ahmed.

-Angharad.

-Susan.

-Kelly.

-Beryl.

-Jake.

-TJ.

-Martina.

-Cath.

-Luke.

-Sharon.

-Peter.

-Laura.

-Lou.

-Ken.

-Jack.

-Larry.

-Adam.

-Mandy.

-Morgan.

-David.

-Niamh.

-Mark.

-Jeff.

-Stewart.

Jonathan.

Listen to me.

And let me hear your words, not to agree,

but as the song of birds reveals the light, the darkness lessening.

To hear this human music, silence loosening

within the sacrament of listening.

We are approaching one of the biggest decisions

this country will face in our lifetimes -

whether to remain in a reformed European Union or to leave.

The choice goes to the heart of the kind of country we want to be.

We will give the British people a referendum

with a very simple In or Out choice.

A referendum lock to which only they should hold the key.

The EU doesn't work.

It's one size fits all and we're not one size fits all.

We're different countries with different histories,

different cultures, different, erm, personalities.

The EU is like an older sibling who's on the dole, right.

And it comes to your birthday present

and you're ten years old and your brother bought you a Scalextric.

You go, "Wow! Thanks, brother. Scalextric, just what I wanted."

But really, your mother's paid for it.

Britain has always been a country that's...self-efficient.

We weren't in the European Union when the war was on

and things like this, and we were self-sufficient then.

Why do we have to go to the European Union for anything

for them to say yea or nay?

Underprivileged and deprived areas were benefitting from EU programmes.

Maybe not as much or as often as I would like to see

but that it was happening.

When I used to cycle around Brecon, Brecon to Cardiff I used to

cycle, and you come across this canal and it says,

this was rebuilded because of European Union money donated there.

We have sent them billions and when you see what has happened

to Brussels, it's all been completely redeveloped.

Just go outside Eurostar station and you're in the middle

of the most amazing plaza, huge modern buildings.

Generally speaking, if you give us a law we will obey it.

You give a law to a Greek or to a Spaniard or to a Frenchman,

and he'll say, "Yeah, yeah, yeah,"

and he might implement half of it or he might not.

But he won't worry about it.

I was in Barcelona and I was up on one of those Gaudi buildings

and we were on the roof.

And we were walking on an undulating roof

and there was not a handrail.

Guys, it's very easy if you're sitting in Brussels

creating these policies but if you look at the people on the ground,

the businessmen, it doesn't work for all of us.

I want us making our decision for our country.

I don't give a shit if my banana's straight or bent.

Bananas must be like that, not like that.

I don't care if it's green or orange, my orange.

It can be green, if it's soft it's fine. It don't care. Who cares?

They wanted to make our mushy peas -

we couldn't put the green in it. What?

I had a green banana in Kenya and it was soft

so why's it got to be yellow, you know?

In Kenya, it was green but soft and that's amazing, isn't it?

Get one over here, it's solid. So how does that work?

If, I tell you what, if the EU were an animal,

I tell you what it would be.

It would be a lobster because the EU encourages

its participating members to order the lobster at the joint meal

because they know that the bill is going to be

settled by everybody else, and normally by the Germans.

So that's what the EU would be, it would be a gigantic lobster

with a, with a...

..butter sauce or something like that.

They has wrecked the fishing industry.

I remember when I was younger that in Amble Harbour the boats were

three and four abreast all the way along the harbour.

Now you're lucky if you get one line of boats up against the pier now.

And for every man that was on a boat, there was six jobs ashore.

So if you had, if you had five men on a boat, that's five sixes,

that's 30-odd per boat.

Now, any boat from anywhere around the world, from what I gather,

can come here and fish 12 mile off our shore.

70% of the fish they catch is in our water

which, to me, is totally wrong.

Hopefully, when we get out the EU and take our waters back,

they shouldn't be allowed to come and fish in our water,

they should fish their own.

We're governed on net sizes, fish sizes. We have to...

Our fish has to be pristine, it has to be put on ice.

Them lot's just thrown in the baskets.

We all know what's wrong with the EU - it's got too big,

too bossy, too interfering.

And I will never say our country couldn't survive outside Europe.

I do not love Brussels. I love Britain.

It's Great Britain because the words mean something.

I've never felt British, ever, really.

I've always been, kind of, proudly Glaswegian.

I get an Irish passport because I'm Irish.

I'm English and proud of it

just because the way we are and our traditions.

We grew up thinking we were the best country in the world.

You know, we're tolerant of gays, we're tolerant of, erm, race.

And at the end of the day we've got Queen. Queen and country.

I love the British connection, I love the tradition

but I've never been a big Queen person.

They don't want us.

Well, who does want us?

Because nobody wants us. Because Britain doesn't want us.

They've really only held on to us

because they know nobody else wants us.

If they cut us adrift they'd be,

"We'll have a few pound more in our pocket."

We have nothing to give apart from a history of Troubles.

I don't think there should be flags flown at sporting events.

I don't think there should be national anthems. They're divisive.

I want to support my country.

Oh, it's amazing.

You get...

You get good people running stores, you get good friends here,

you get good schools.

You get good train service.

You get good bus service.

You get, erm, good taxi service.

You get good town,

you get good shopping centres.

You get good beaches and you get a good scenery.

And that's it.

I'm in the Royal Navy...Royal Air Force cadets

and I want to support my country.

The British Army raided our house.

There was a shooting incident, let's say I put it that way,

away down around the Brandywell or something, you know?

And maybe about two hours after it I was sitting in the house,

sitting in the armchair, and they came in.

Our house was a bar as well, right, you know,

so everything was sealed down and nobody's allowed to move.

And they're all up the stairs and down the stairs.

Eventually this major,

he was Major Stackpole,

that's how it was you called him.

Well, he looked in at the door

and he looked over at me, and he says, "Pal...

HE CHUCKLES

Big fancy English accent.

He says, "I don't like you,

"I don't like any of your friends,

"I don't like any of your associates, and I'll get you."

-HE LAUGHS

-And he turned and walked out.

It's about priorities, isn't it?

and my priority would be we put our own people first.

The gap between rich and poor is getting bigger and bigger

and bigger, we've been through a decade now where for people

earning average salaries

they're 10% worse off than they were back in 2007.

That simply can't be right.

Live in my world for six months, come and live like I have to,

fetching up a family, you know, wanting to go back to work

and I can't because I'm not well enough.

Come and live as I'm living,

with the money you are telling me to live on.

You don't get no airs, you don't get no graces,

-that is what you live on...

-We've only got 6 million people up here

and you go round,

you go through Fife, where the whole industry used to employ

the whole village,

and that industry died,

so now the whole village doesn't have a main industry.

I think the biggest change is with the number of people that's left.

What's happened is the numbered streets have...

So the parents that live there are watching their kids growing up

and going, "You don't have any opportunities here."

The football club, that's disbanded now,

the rugby club's moved to Peterlee cos they can't pay...

..t-the rent's too big and all that.

So they kids have to move.

So they move to America, Canada, Japan, London,

any-fucking-where because there's nothing in Scotland.

I never thought, as a worker, you can still struggle.

So sometimes I have to decide

if I'm paying £10 to put in my car for petrol,

or buying food. Which you going to pick?

The way they treat the ordinary people who maybe have worked

all their lives and for no fault of their own have been made redundant

or, you know, something's closed down

or they've been finished,

and they're tret like second-class citizens

when they've paid tax all their lives.

I was living on £45 a week,

and I went there and I says,

"I can't go to work cos I'm on crutches. I need some help."

And it was like, "I've been working," I says.

"I've been working, from the time I could work

"and earn money, I been working," I says. "Can't you help me?"

And he went, "No. We can't help you."

And I said, "But I've paid in."

So my heart went.

And then next to me they're from Somalia,

they've come through Belgium.

If you come from a certain way they can automatically

get benefits this side and somewhere to live at the time.

And he says, "Oh, my daughter's come via Belgium."

They know the spiel, what to say.

And he's saying, "Yeah, no problem, here's a cheque for so-and-so.

"And you'll have accommodation for three bedrooms,

"cos you say your wife's coming as well?

"And you'll hear from us in the next two and a half weeks."

And I'm there in tears, on crutches.

Look, whichever way you cut this, immigration is the number one issue

in British politics. It has been for some years.

The opinion polls are astonishing.

77% of the British public want cuts to the numbers

coming into Britain,

and over half the voters want a reduction to near zero.

They're seeing the impact on local schools,

they're seeing the impact on GP services,

they're seeing the impact on housing.

So people are very upset, they're very unhappy.

This is the issue that will decide this referendum.

-I've not...

-No, no...

-I've not got a problem with immigration...

No, I'm not against immigration.

But right now there's too many people heading to the UK.

Because of our benefits system, we cannae not give

anybody that comes here benefits because of the EU.

It makes me wealthy, immigration, cos it's

pushed up all the house prices and it's made jobs easier.

It's kept the wages down of my staff.

The last couple of years have gone crazy, like.

People coming over here to claim benefits

cos we're seen as a soft target.

I know there's people claiming for kids that don't even live in this country.

It's like murderers and rapists from other countries.

Pisses me off. Pisses me off big time.

We just had some of them Syrians coming here.

I just think, well, I hate seeing any, seeing all these people

in Syria, all these children and... I would have one.

I would have one tomorrow in a heartbeat.

I would have a family, if I could.

And I think we're dreadful that we should turn our noses up

to these people and say, "We don't want you and you can't come."

Why would you want to stay in Syria right now, you know?

With the UK and America bombing you.

I'd open my doors to all of them, quite frankly.

If you're going to export bombs, you're going to import people, aren't you? So...

There's good and bad in everyone.

I've got loads of people who are like, yeah, different colours.

I'm on the Chinese Women's Guild, I'm on the St Anne's...

Yeah, I love them all.

At the end of the day we've all got a front door and back door,

haven't we? We're all the same.

We've all got to pull our pants up and down, Queen and all.

The poverty that these people are living in,

the conditions that they're living in,

and the fact that a lot of them can't speak English,

and don't have that support or help there to be able

to learn or speak English is quite a dangerous thing.

One of the local schools I went into quite recently has 310 pupils.

And 32 different languages are spoken in that school.

When I said to the headteacher, "You know, how do you...?

"How do you educate 32 different languages?"

She said, "I can't.

"I have no physical possible way of doing that.

"We need to muddle through on a daily basis."

It's just not right.

It's completely wrong. So...

..every household has come here for something different.

Whether it be safety from war or economic benefit.

They've all got different reasons for coming to Scotland

or coming to Glasgow.

But they're just not integrating with other communities,

or with the wider community.

And I think that's a very dangerous thing to do.

There's so many coming,

they're not integrating with people. They...

They're offended by what we do

and our different things, like Christmases and other celebrations.

So why? Why come here, then?

You have to respect your host nation.

I don't go out of my way to... to be...

..imposing my own values on other people.

I respect and take part in Christmas.

We share in the values of the country I'm living in.

I don't agree with things like the burqa and all that.

You know, like, totally slit like this.

No, no, no. You're walking round with a balaclava on your head.

It's not a burqa, it's a balaclava, innit?

You come to this country to better yourself.

You want to take that off,

let your hair down, you do that.

You want to wear a bit lippy, you wear a bit of lippy.

You CAN better yourself.

Refugee, you give him job,

he's not appreciating.

He wants to bring his own law.

If somebody's life is in danger, genuine danger, you will say, yes.

But they're lying. They're coming with lies.

And then if you don't agree with them, he will say,

"Oh, no, we don't believe in your Jesus.

"My flag, black flag, will fly on your house, on your parliament,

"on your Queen's house."

There's loads of terrorists around here.

Well, we heard on the news that terrorists are coming into Wiltshire,

but, like, I haven't seen any so I'm not sure if that's true.

But, like, because it's the news you might believe it.

But, like, some things on the news you can't believe

because, like, the weather, it says it might rain but it doesn't.

Every day there's something wrong.

Like them, is it the IS fellas,

out abroad that have been killing people.

Muslims.

The Muslim minority just happens to be one of the richest,

hardest working sections of our society.

Funnily enough, don't believe in banking, lending money.

Even though it says that in our Bible,

"Never a lender or a borrower be,"

they actually stick to their principles

and that's fucking scary if you're a banker, because

they dinnae want to bank with you.

I have no problem with people coming in.

There's loads of Polish people work my shift, and...and they're great.

People do feel swamped.

Yeah, it's just Asians and Muslims

and few whites left.

If you live in Peterborough, Boston, all these small communities

have just been overwhelmed by immigrant labour.

You don't sort of see enough of your own people.

OK, yes, I'm in the wrong area.

But it would be nice just to see some of your own people

more often than you see of other races.

Whereas if you go down to the seaside or go down south

or something, then you are,

you know, sort of with your own a bit more.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

I prefer a more diverse community. And, you know, people complain...

I don't feel safe because as you walk by them -

"Hello, lady." And I'm thinking, "You know what? I'm not your lady."

But I just walk on. You know, and it makes me feel...

It makes me feel angry.

Like, without all this diversity...

And when I think of what my father and forefathers fought for,

and you just see the country going down,

you see the cities going down, you see your housing going down,

there's trouble at schools, and we're made out to be the bad guy.

-It's a thing I've heard before, the typical guy...

-And I'm not a bad person.

.. the typical guy who complains about immigration -

"There's too many Indians", too many whatever, whatever, too many of this, right?

Yet that's the same guy who will go to a pub,

drink a French lager, go out and have an Indian, you know?

-And then go home to his Swedish wife...

-It really gets to you.

If we speak out, we're racist.

What is the worst insult you can throw at a person in today's society?

Used to be "You're a slut!" Well, that means nothing any more.

The worst insult you can say to somebody is "You're a racist."

-If you're blue, you hate red.

-The way you're downtrodden...

If you're Protestant, you hate Catholics.

And you're tried to be made to feel guilty.

-If you're poor, you hate the rich.

-I don't feel guilty.

-If you're Rangers, you hate Celtic.

-I live in it.

-It all works on otherism.

-I see it every day.

And when there's enough others to blame, the majority's quite happy.

-I've seen it for years.

-More and more fear, more and more blame,

taking over the media, taking over the newspapers and punting otherism.

When you get, such as you see, in people,

they're near enough tramps to look at and you're thinking, "What?

"What are you doing in my country?"

-Otherism.

-Why are you demoralising it?

-All the way.

-This is England.

-It's not like, "This is my country..."

-It's nobody else's country.

-This is not your country.

-This is my country.

-Oh, put a big stamp on it.

-And if I had to I'd fight for it.

-Fuck me, this is fucking terrifying.

-Listen...

-And you're fucking surprised now society's fractured apart?

I'm absolutely disgusted by our country.

Listen!

England, Scotland,

Wales, Northern Ireland.

We are one people in one union

and everyone here can be proud of that.

They don't listen to anybody.

They do that every time instead of talking to the people.

You need to listen a bit more.

-I firmly believe leadership is about listening.

-You're not listening.

No-one's listening to me. No-one cares what I want.

Just think that their voices are not being heard

and they'll only realise it, they'll only see when it's too late.

They listen till they get in

and then they twist it to how they want it.

My friends, it is a stitch-up.

Indeed it is the biggest stitch-up since the Bayeux Tapestry!

-But we're still not heard.

-Be honest with us.

Knickers to the pessimists. Knickers to all those who talk Britain down.

-Let's take back control.

-The stuff they were coming out with was...

It was just nonsensical.

I know the system is unfair.

If I was the prime minster, I would set a good person

-to the whole community.

-I know you want this answered.

Someone you can trust.

Other parties, they will preach to you about a brave new world.

I've met lots of politicians.

We understand that you have to start with the real world

and make it better.

They all talk absolute shit, frankly.

Try and look after the community.

Cameron's just sold Britain down the river.

He used to think he was listened to but he wasn't.

And he mucked up himself, didn't he?

-People are frustrated.

-He's obviously cocked up.

-I'm frustrated by this.

-Don't be cross about the community.

So, yes, of course I share that frustration.

Politicians don't give a fuck about people.

They can't see the big picture.

All they actually want people to do is make money till they're 65

and then die as quickly as possible.

They can only see their own side.

Every wage packet they ever got, they paid tax.

Everything they ever bought, they paid tax.

Everything they ever saved, they paid tax.

And then when they died and they wanted to give it

to their fucking loved ones, they tax that as well.

They don't have the balls to stand up for what

they really know in their own mind is the right thing to do.

I came into politics because I love this country.

I think its best days still lie ahead.

And I believe deeply in public service.

-We need politicians, I understand that.

-I don't even know.

But when you watch it on the telly they stand there...

What do they do? Stand there!

They're all jeering and laughing and these are serious questions.

I'm being completely frank with people.

THEY JEER

-Wanker!

-Don't be naughty.

-Right honourable gentlemen!

He's talking like a ten-year-old.

People need to hear the arguments laid out.

-I might listen to them.

-Free speech, robust debate...

-He's not a right honourable...

-Muppet.

-Full of shit.

-Toerag!

-Don't.

-Where is it?

-Boom.

This is like the jailer has accidentally left

-the door of the jail open...

-Hang on.

-And people can see the land...

-Fucking...

-Backhanders.

-Listen!

-Idiot.

-Don't.

-Unbelievable.

-All just scare-mongering.

-People are disconnected from politics...

-Are you serious?

Politics is corruption.

And this is democracy?!

-Stupid people.

-It's not right. Not right at all.

-Bag of tits.

-Listen.

"You do me this favour and I'll do you that favour."

-Don't shout.

-Listen!

Knickers to the pessimists...

Northern Ireland...

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

LISTEN!

Don't have any argues.

I am your memory.

Your dialects.

Your cathedrals.

Your mosques and markets.

Schools and pubs.

Your woods. Mountains. Rivers.

Your motorways and railway lines.

Your hospitals.

Your cenotaphs.

The paper poppies fading in the rain.

I've breathed you in like air.

And breathed you out as...prayer or speech or song.

I'm your heartbeat.

And I take your pulse.

Who else but me can praise your ancient, living language as a jewel?

Or trace our wars in raised, ugly scars on her flesh?

I sing your thousand musics, speak your diverse poetries.

I am your vital quarrels with yourselves.

Your turbulence. Truculence. Rage. And fear.

Your pride.

Your independence.

Your despair.

I know your ancestors.

Your children.

I know your house.

You're OK, Britannia. It's a tough gig. Sure, we all know that.

Some hae meat and canna eat

Some wad eat that want it

But we hae meat and we can eat

And sae the Lord be thankit.

ALL: Thankit.

I am delighted to offer some cawl.

I brought champ - mash potatoes, butter and scallions.

Saag paneer and red Leicester.

-Double Gloucester.

-Tattie scones, haggis and 20-year-old Talisker.

In case any of yous is vegetarian, I brought you a Geordie pizza.

-What?

-Huh?

It's a pizza base, yeah, with a topping of just chips.

ALL LAUGH

Cawl, cariad - in our DNA.

Lamb, swede, carrots, onions,

parsnips, potatoes and especially leek.

-Doesn't have its own poem, though.

-What?

-Hm?

Address To A Haggis.

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face

Great chieftain o' the puddin'-race!

-ALL COMPLAIN

-Aboon them a' ye tak yer...

-Robert Burns!

-To begin at the beginning...

ALL COMPLAIN

Look what you've started! Do you know how long this goes on for?!

HEY!

That's Dylan Thomas, you heathens!

Oh, I need a holiday.

Well, I'm not going to lie to you, there's some places in Scotland you'd need to go incognito.

Aye, like over the water. You'd need to be careful.

Oh, come with us, pet.

Kielder Water and Forest Park have the largest expanse of totally dark

sky in the whole of Europe.

You can see shooting stars,

the Milky Way and, if you're lucky enough,

you can catch an Aurora.

Regrettably, the north-east is the binge-drinking capital of the UK.

-What?!

-According to official figures it has the highest

proportion of serial boozers in the country.

-Sad but true.

-Oh, you can bloody talk!

You want to come down the Melton Road, Britannia.

Feast India, Mrs Bridges Tea Rooms. Diversity.

But we do the best parties.

We have the largest Halloween celebrations in the world.

Bardsey Island.

The island of 20,000 saints.

You can only get there by boat.

There's no electricity.

Peace, quiet, puffins...

Regrettably, Newport in Wales has the highest rate of drug

-trafficking outside London.

-LAUGHTER

Northern Ireland was voted the third-worst place to live in the UK.

-You looking a smack in the mouth?

-East Midlands has the highest

-rate of teen pregnancy in the country.

-What?

You know, there's some places in Scotland you can go for days

and see nothing but deer.

No drug traffickers, no pregnant drug traffickers.

-Maybe an eagle.

-Regrettably...

-Don't say it.

-Live expectancy...

I'm warning you.

-South-west's your best option.

-What, highest use of marijuana?

20,000 people using food banks?

-Highest annual rainfall?

-And you.

At least if you come with us, Britney, you'll get laid.

We have the most sex.

-ALL TALK AT ONCE

-Fact.

-I can vouch for that.

But the Northern Irish accent was voted sexiest.

Oh, go on, say something sexy to us.

Well, I don't have to say something sexy, it's just the way I talk.

"It's just the way I talk that makes me sexy."

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

Do you know, if it wasn't for the north-east and Joseph Swan,

yous wouldn't have the light bulb. You'd all be sat in the dark.

Well, we're spiritually enlightened.

-How's that, then?

-We invented euthanasia.

Aye, well, you need that where you're from.

-And the Salvation Army.

-We've got the Venerable Bede.

-And the Quakers.

-St Cuthbert at the holy island at Lindisfarne.

Sea otters would crawl out of the North Sea to

-warm his feet as he prayed.

-St Patrick.

-God!

-What?

-What?

-What?

Well, I live in God's country.

Ah, you're all imbeciles.

The Scottish people have provided more religious leaders,

more writers, more engineers, more footballers, more football managers,

more comedians, more inventors,

more great political leaders than the lot of you put together.

Tong.

-What?

-Tong.

-What do you mean?

-Tong. Tong.

-Will somebody stop him saying tong?

Tong. On the Isle of Lewis. In the Hebrides.

Donald Trump's mother was born there.

Donald Trump is not Scottish!

-Half-Scottish.

-Get to f...

-ALL: OOh!

-Take the pride, man.

-So his mother was Scottish, like?

-Wrong.

-Fascinating.

-Wrong.

Mary Anne MacLeod. Spoke Gaelic.

You mean it was her mother "Tong".

-# Tong! Tong, Tong, Tong. #

-So Trump's mam was from...

BOTH: # Tong! Tong, Tong, Tong. #

That wee village in Scotland called..

ALL: # Tong! Tong, Tong, Tong. #

Right.

# Tong! Tong, Tong, Tong. #

That's it.

# Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low

# Down the street in my kilt I go

# All the lassies shout hello

# Donald, where's your troosers? #

I've only got one thing to say to you lot...

# I helped her dance the Highland fling

# My kilt from side to side did swing

# And everyone began to sing

# Donald, where's your troosers?

# Now I went down to London Town

# Gonna have some fun on the underground

# The ladies turned their heads around

# Said, Donald, where's your troosers? #

It's fake news!

It's what I love about him.

His independence.

-He's left his bloody whisky.

-Score!

Oh!

No, no, no, no, no.

For fuck's sake!

Aye. Well, you're all drinking in the Last Chance Saloon.

Slainte.

ALL: Slainte!

-Slainte.

-Oh, come on, man.

Look at you, you've got a face like a yard of gravy.

Right, come on.

We need to cheer her up.

And this is how we do it in the Valleys.

Suck on this, cariad!

MUSIC: Delilah by Tom Jones

# I saw the light on the night that I passed by her window

# I saw the flickering shadows of love on her blind

# She was my woman

# As she deceived me I watched and went out of my mind

# Why, why, why, Delilah?

# Why, why, why, Delilah? #

MUSIC SLOWS AND STOPS

I really did not want to have to do this.

BODHRAN AND STRING MUSIC

-HE PANTS

-What?

SHE SIGHS

ACCORDION DANCE MUSIC

Right, come on, everyone.

You know the steps, don't you?

Five, six, seven, go.

MUSIC: Under the Moon of Love by Showaddywaddy

# Let's go for a little walk

# Under the moon of love

# Let's sit down and talk

# Under the moon of love

-# I wanna tell you

-I wanna tell you

-# That I love you

-That I love you

# And I want you to be my girl

# Little darling, let's walk, let's talk

# Under the moon of love. #

BELL TOLLS

The votes are in.

A very simple In or Out...

-Lobster.

-Robust debate.

-It is our destiny.

-Independent sovereign states.

The darkest corners of the world.

-People are very upset.

-Giant democratic exercise.

And we look forward with confidence to the day...

Every democrat will accept the result.

You and all.

I voted to remain.

I voted out. So did a lot of people who had the same, uh...

I did, I did, I voted to remain in the EU.

I wasn't able to vote but I wanted to.

I'm 13 years old.

Me and my husband voted out.

Leave.

Um, yeah, we voted for to stay because, like,

if it was leave we might have to leave.

-Remain.

-I voted to leave the EU.

I did. I did vote to leave the EU.

We discussed it at home in great detail.

I'm a pro-European remainer.

I made up me mind to vote to stay in Europe.

I voted for the Brexit, aye. I voted to stay.

I didn't know who I was going to vote for until I was in the booth.

-Didn't vote.

-And I just went, "You know what?

"I got a funny feeling it's going to go the other way."

-No, I didn't vote.

-And I decided to stay in.

-Stay.

-I'm anti... I don't know.

I didn't think there was a point in voting, I really didn't.

But, like, I shoulda.

I voted to remain in the EU.

-In hindsight maybe I should have but I was...

-Remain.

..rebelling against it, I suppose, in my own sort of way,

cos I don't believe voting makes a difference.

I voted to remain solely because

I didn't want to be on the side of Farage.

I voted out. I think I've made the wrong decision.

-Remain.

-Leave.

I thought this would be on majority, 20 million versus 20 million and 1.

-You better vote.

-Leave.

-So did I did.

And I voted Brexit, that they should leave.

Remain.

-Leave.

-Remain.

Leave.

Leave.

-Leave.

-Leave.

If the predictions now are right,

this will be a victory for real people.

A victory for ordinary people. A victory for decent people.

And today, honesty, decency and belief in nation, I think

now is going to win and we will have done it.

We will have done it without having to fight,

without a single bullet being fired.

We'll have done it by damn hard work on the ground.

Let June the 23rd go down in our history as our independence day!

CHEERING

Whew! I couldn't believe it!

-I was full of fear.

-I was absolutely gobsmacked.

-Really...

-I swear I didn't bother checking till my friend called me.

She text me being like, "The sky is falling!"

Gobsmacked, I'm frightened.

Yeah, and he was like, "Shit went wrong, have you seen it?"

-Really pleased.

-I was gobsmacked.

I couldn't sleep all night

and I struggled to come down in the morning

and I was afraid to switch on the television

because I thought it would be Remain and when it...when it said Leave...

And I was like, "No, it's Remain, right?"

And he was like, "No, it's Leave."

-I'm going to cry in a minute!

-Are you f...?

-I shouted up to Joe...

-Oh, my...

"Joe, Joe, we're leaving, we're leaving!"

-Gobsmacked.

-Like, what?!

-I couldn't believe it!

-Are you kidding me?

-Oh! I was over the moon!

And I was like, "No-o-o-o!"

Listen, I had just got up, I'm sitting here in my pyjamas,

I hadn't even had a cup of tea, my daughter comes into my room

and like this, "You're a racist."

"No, I'm not a racist!" "You're a racist."

I said, "How is that possible?" "You, you voted for Farage."

I said, "I didn't vote for Farage, I voted to leave the EU,

"I did not vote for Farage."

"You did, and they told lies."

I said, "Everybody told lies."

It was just horrendous!

Gobsmacked.

The British people have voted to leave the European Union

and their will must be respected.

I fought this campaign in the only way I know how,

which is to say directly and passionately

what I think and feel - head, heart and soul.

I held nothing back.

But the British people have made a very clear decision

to take a different path

and, as such, I think the country requires fresh leadership

to take it in this direction.

A brave and principled man who has given superb leadership

of his party and his country for many years.

I came reluctantly but firmly to the conclusion

that I should stand and that Boris should stand aside.

I cannot, unfortunately, get on with doing what I wanted to do,

so it will be up to somebody else now.

And I wish them every possible success.

Isn't it funny?

You know, when I came here 17 years ago,

and I said that I wanted to lead a campaign

to get Britain to leave the European Union,

you all laughed at me.

Well, I have to say, you're not laughing now, are you?

Right, that's it, end of story - that's what we're going to do,

get on with it.

And that's what I put on Facebook, actually.

You know, and I says, "Right, here we are, you know,

"we don't agree with each other, but never mind."

You know, just get on with it. It's a democracy.

So, what now?

It's awkward, isn't it?

That... That's very awkward,

in the place that you live in basically says, "Go home."

You know, a lot of people say, "We canna do this, we canna do that."

Well, how can't we do this?

We fought in two world wars, for God's sake,

and we pulled the country back from nothing again.

You know, it was derelict. Course we can do it again!

We're not going over a cliff. There's no cliff. We'll carry on.

The people have spoken.

It's Great Britain because the words mean something.

Legalise weed, mate,

only because there's a lot of anger in this world, it's a lot,

and people are dying.

It's a bit of weed.

Chill, it'll be fine.

It was so fucking preposterous,

I still cannae quite believe that that is the decision.

And then, of course, the people who fucking were the cheerleaders

for pushing that vote through have all disappeared.

You've got David Cameron.

Where's he gone now?

"Oh, wasn't expecting that!"

What's your plan? "Don't have one."

"I'm going. So long, boys!"

And now it's worse, much worse.

There's a very nasty woman now as Prime Minister.

I have a lot of faith in the Prime Minister.

I have a lot of faith.

I am honoured and humbled to have been chosen

by the Conservative Party to become its leader.

Brexit means Brexit

and we're going to make a success of it.

That term, "Brexit means Brexit," like...

-LAUGHING:

-"Explain Brexit."

"Well, it means Brexit."

"Yeah, I'll take a note of that!"

What the fuck?!

I think Theresa May will make a good Maggie Thatcher.

I wish she'd wear her clothes longer, her skirts.

Either go for trous... Oh, and her jackets.

Her jackets are too short.

Everybody says her shoes is nice, but that's immaterial to me.

I've got to wear trainers, like, cos of my legs, like, yeah.

Eventually, all this will become a past history that our children,

our children's children, will read about

and say, "What were they at? You know, where did that come from?"

No, so, no, I would be very much a point of...

I'm not a looker-backer, and I know there's not such a word or a phrase,

but I like to look forward all the time, like, I can't...

Yesterday was yesterday.

I had a nice day yesterday, but it's gone, you know.

Oh... Oh, well, maybe not.

I have loved you all for ever.

You children of these changing, feisty, funny, generous islands.

The seeds of our circumstance flower into our actions.

We cannot stand in judgment on each other's lives,

but we can seek and strive for good leadership.

And we can listen.

I hate to think that we've left the world in a mess.

No, we haven't left the world in a mess.

You know, we are lucky, we are the lucky ones.

We come down every morning and we've had a good night's sleep.

We switch on the tap and beautiful water comes out.

So many people in the world don't have that.

I was coming to the land of milk and honey, but...

There's no...

There's milk I can buy for a pound, two litres of milk.

I can buy a jar of honey for a pound.

But it's not a land of milk and honey, it's not that heaven

that all the immigrants think it is. It's not.

I suppose, generally speaking,

they've taken the heart out of things.

I mean, where we live, the... the heartbeat has gone out of it.

We joined Europe and things changed.

It's all speed, records, tags, big business.

Farming's just changed out of all recognition around here.

I know that on the hills, you don't go shepherding every day any more,

you just go around and you pick up the dead

and that is how it is.

Safe, secure, diverse, which we are, pretty much.

I just want to be happy and safe and enjoying life.

What I'd like to see is a little bit more force

put on these...toerag, little shit people, terrorists.

87.

-I was nine... nine years older than her.

-Mm-hm.

Yeah, lost without her.

I put that photograph there.

That way she can keep me in check when I see it.

-That way I've got to do the right things.

-WOMAN LAUGHS

But that was the worst thing ever happened to me, then, losing her.

Yeah.

Are you listening?

Do I hear you listening?

-Do you know last night?

-Hm.

I probably felt more British than I've ever felt.

We were in a damp shed, drinking tea,

pouring down rain, freezing cold,

committed to a project that were far too complicated for us.

That, that to me, is Britishness.

MUSIC: Colonel Bogey March by FJ Ricketts