01/02/2013 The One Show

Over to the other side, that is all. Welcome to the end of the The One

Show week. Our guest tonight is a man who is all skin and bones and

makes Women run a mile. No, no, no! Not you! You are on with John

Sergeant. Please welcome Stephen Merchant!

Hi, Steve. How are you? All right. That joke is insultingly, right?

That took us all afternoon. It was not even a joke. Just then a bit

longer next time. How have you been. Good. How are you? Good. What have

you been doing? I was not just like at Chris's house. I do a bit of

writing. That is what I have been doing. I had a sandwich. It has

been a packed day. It is all about mummy news tonight. Can you put

those on, please, Steve? We wanted to handle the goblet in front of

you. -- we want you. This is 3,000 years old. Come on! Just put the

gloves on. Be careful! That is extraordinary. That is 3,000 years

old. The wow. It is the eternal cup of life. It is like when you go to

a restaurant and get a bottomless drink. 10 grand. 10 ran, mate.

Nobody will sell it to you. More artifacts later. I am genuinely

excited. There really is mummy news tonight because Manchester Museum

is making public 24 of its specimens. We sent our own

priceless relic - I did not right The Manchester children's hospital

cares for nearly 200,000 young people every year. But tonight the

radiology department are seeing an older patient. This is Dmitri, a

magnificent, 2000 year old gilded Egyptian mummy. -- Dmitri hour. For

the first time, the mysteries of what lies behind had bandages will

be revealed in minute detail. This scanner will bring her back to life.

She was discovered in 1910 at the sight of -- in Egypt. She has been

on display since then in Manchester. Were she Royal? She was not. People

assume that every ancient Egyptian was mummified. That is not the case.

For most of the population, it was a pit in the sand. The body may

have been preserved but you may not have been covered in nice things

for the afterlife. The University of Manchester has been a pioneer in

this research since they carefully unwrapped a mummy in 1908 in front

of a packed auditorium. Over 100 years later, the tradition of

research continues. What will be scanned do? It has an X-ray source

that rotates rapidly. It is like a bacon slicer. You are doing now

rare slices. There will be around 3,000 slices, and then, with

software, you can get information. And the mummy will not be hurt at

all? No, because we don't have to worry about radiation. Waiting for

the result. Wow. What do you think? That is terrific. What are the

seeing? That allows us to look inside the painted plaster. Here,

you can see the spine. It is fractured there. You can see the

chest is tightly wrapped. The pelvis is disrupted. Normally the

chest would be that shape. That has probably happened postmortem. I did

not see any evidence of disease. The wrappings are in good condition.

She has got some Stubbs. What are they? They are gold-plated Stubbs

in the wrappings. What are we seeing here? These are the eyes.

This bone is missing. That tells us that the brain has been taken out

through the nose. Oh. Classic mummification. A bit grim!

Egyptians did not believe there was higher brain function. If you take

the brain out, it cleans the skull and stops decay. This is the first

time anybody has seen it like this. It is. Dosh. -- Ghosh. She has got

As long as she looked good on the outside, she would be good for

eternity. So this is not a bad mummification? It is quality.

think she has come to life again as somebody who lived in ancient Egypt.

That is how you should remember her. I think I will.

So John is back from smuggling mummies. How are you? I am well.

the mummy, we know about her. What about the others? All over the

world, there are several hundred. If you are an Egyptologist, you are

in heaven. You really want to see these mummies. It is what people

are doing across the world. We have already acquainted ourselves with

the lovely dream vessel here. Can you tell us what these other two

are? This is important. We are being careful. The point about this

is it is magical. All of these things are magical. You don't need

any liquid. You can just drink forever. One drink or any drink?

Anything. It is like a free bar! If you have got a chance of one of

these, take one. Deduce still that from Manchester University? I had

to work hard to get that. -- deduce If you turn this over, this warns

your heart not to lie about yourself. That is pretty good.

of these things matter in the afterlife. The last bit, this is

incredible. You can see those fingers? Those are the fingers of

the guy that wrenched the stuff out of the body of the mummy. That is a

terrible sign. It says, back off. IMA mummy and I want to live

forever. Those are the actual fingers of the M Obama. -- of the

man who embalmed the mummy. These are not real fingers. Oh, I see!

thought we had got past that. Let's calm down. But this is a

representation. We want to know why mummies are called mummies. It's

because one of the preservation fluids was called mummia. Fat is a

rubbish reason! -- that is. We have got an example of an animal. A cat.

That is a cat case. You can see the gap between the two sides. That is

where you put the body of the cat. What else have you got? Or more

animals! That is a crocodile. It is a small crocodile. What about this?

That is a bird. So you are in the afterlife and you have got to staff

with you. A round of applause for John!

We after stories of amazing things Suns have done with their fathers

for next week. Bruce Willis is going to be here! His new film is

all about him and his son. E-mail us. Any photographer worth their

salt will tell you that light is key to a good but will --

Britain is rarely celebrated for its sunshine. But in the 18th

century, Mary and Jane set about solving this perennial problem.

There are deer was simplicity itself, but the beauty was in the

detail. -- their idea. Having spent 10 years touring

Europe, the Cousins returned to Devon in 7095, laden with souvenirs

and with a dream of a house that maximised the week English sun. --

17 of 95. So they built this 16 sided house, which, appropriately,

means all around. The building has been designed so that the ladies

could follow the sun around the house during the day. As the sun

travels from East to West, one room after another has the benefit of

direct sunshine. The ladies could follow the sun around the house.

The day would begin in the east, in the study. Then, it would follow

the sun to the musical room. The library. Then the drawing room. By

the time it was dark, it would retire for supper in the dining

The cousins could only ever appreciate their clever idea one

room-mate time. But what I want to do his capture a whole day at A La

Ronde in one shot. Fortunately, technology is on our side. Not only

is the camera set up with a time that that is going to take a

photograph every three minutes, but it is on a tripod driven by a motor,

which is going to follow the sun through the day until it sets in

the West. All I need to do is press the button.

The two spinsters were, in early days, feminists. The conditions of

their will said the house could only ever be passed to a man if no

other female relative to be found. As a result, A La Ronde has only

ever had one male owner in almost 200 years before the National Trust

bought it in 1991. Even today, the spirit of the ladies is not only

inside the walls, but covers them. They were added craft people,

experimenting and a whole range of materials, a past and that dictated

the building's form. They needed as much light as the day would give

them, which is where A La Ronde's octagonal brilliance comes into

play. This is true at the top of the House, especially. As you come

around the corner, there's and amazing surprise. Upstairs? Yes.

The crowning glory is exceptionally delicate up here, and visitors are

not allowed. But today we have been given exclusive access. My goodness.

I don't think I have ever seen anything quite like this before,

Salli, or indeed anything like this. How have they made this? At the

time, the house was really fashionable because it had a grotto,

It is quite high up here. 10 metres above the crowd we took them

several years to create this It is an extraordinary undertaking

in an extraordinary house. Through the use of our camera, we have

captured nearly 600 photos which I can flick through like a flick book.

Even better, once they are put together on a computer, it reveals

the genius of the ladies and their idea. A house that makes the most

of the week British sunshine from That was a good film with a clever

technique. I used to have the jury box like that. As big as that?

I saw I Give It A Year this afternoon and I thought it was

brilliant. He was supposed to be asking about his showbiz home.

thought we would skirt over it. either of you know what is going

on? I was laughing like a drain in the cinema. For people who have not

seen it, which is everybody because it is not out, can you give us a

synopsis? There are a couple of newly weds... Don't just go through

the motions. We have only got 14 seconds to answer the question. I

am trying to rattle through and now I do not have time to explain

because I have to answer your question. Review would just shut up,

I could explain. The energy is better straight away. Go and see it.

She loved it in the cinema on her own, like a tragic, lonely woman.

It is about a phrase often muttered at weddings, isn't it? It is a spin

on a romantic comedy. You are the best man and friend of the groom.

The problem with this clip is that because it is 7pm on Friday night

you have had to cut out all of the jokes. So you will basically see me

talking. It is good but it could be better, so use your imagination.

This is the definitive worst best man's speech, and it is horrendous.

Yes, but you will not see it. Because it is BBC One and it is 7pm.

For those of you who do not know me, and especially if we meet in the

bar later, my name is Danny, do you want a pint? It is great to see so

many people turn out to see him tie the knot, and about time. She has

got it all. She is brilliantly clever and I thought she could

easily be a model, if it were not for her nose. I have no idea why

her previous boyfriend cheated on her but I am glad that he did. You

are 8 out of 10, and I mean that sincerely. We are delighted you

have found each other. Everyone, raise your glass as we say a toast

to Nat and Josh. That is how it starts, but where does it go?

are the difficulties of the first year of marriage, the fact that now

you are having to deal with the mechanics of living together, who

takes out the rubbish, and this and that, the petty gripes and

squabbles. The romance ebbs away. It is a happy film! Your character

is probably the most annoying person I have ever seen, in a good

way. You did improvise quite a lot to get to that state of annoying.

Yes, we did. I was already pretty annoying and they let me be even

more annoying and obnoxious. It was good fun. When I do stuff with

Ricky Gervais, he makes other actors laugh, and that would annoy

me when I was behind the camera, but now I do the same thing.

said when you used to do stuff with Ricky Gervais. That is in the past.

Is it all over? Too many questions. Which one do you want me to answer?

You used to do stuff? I am working with him at the moment. I would not

have him as my best man. Do you think he is as funny when you are

not around? Yes. Tell us about this new film, Moody 43 with Halle Berry.

That is a series of sketches with lots of famous people and they

asked me to do one with Halle Berry. Were you nervous? Not at all. I was

staring at her beautiful face. That is not the most flattering picture.

It was not terrible. The let's hope she is not watching. She is not!

have some couples here, and it is their first anniversary today.

Let's meet them. We cannot meet them because we're going to play a

game. Somehow, they are going to get to see your new film. If you

guess which girl is with which boy, and you can see there are too many

boys, if you can couple them up, we will pay for the tickets. If you

fail to couple a mock, you pay for the tickets. That is not going to

happen! M merk, good evening. How did you meet your husband? On a

night out, drinking in Manchester. He is a police officer and comes

from a large, crazy, Lao of family. How is it going? Great, we are

having a baby. Mary, tell us about your husband. He is a computer geek

and that is how we met. We work together and my printer was not

working quite often, suddenly. often than it should have done. How

is it going? Really well. I talked to you before I used it was like

day one, no problems. Tell us about your husband. He is a care

assistant and he used to work doing what I do, in a bar, so we swapped

jobs. He is also from Scotland and he has a really annoying hobby.

Stephen, you are looking for... This is pretty shallow, I have to

say. You are looking for someone who might be a policeman. Somebody

who could work in computers that will go with Mary, and somebody who

is caring. First, which one is Emma's husband? First anniversary

today. I will kiss her and see who punches me. This is tricky. I'm

going to go with Sam. OK, can you stand behind her? Who do you think

Mary's husband might be? This is tricky. Oh, God! Come on, Stephen.

Shut up, woman, this is not easy. I will go for Rob. We have just three

men. Who is her real husband? He is a carer, used to work behind the

bar. Were you not listening? Thought I am going to go with this

chap. Come here. Stick around U2. Let's look at Emma's wedding day

picture. No, it is Mark. Sam, you go over there. A round of applause

for Mark. You are paying for those tickets and they come to stay with

you Fourie week! Mary and Rob. Let's look at Mary's photograph. No.

So you are paying for them are. And the last couple, let's look at the

photograph. Stephen Merchant is paying for all of the tickets.

they still do the discount thing on Wednesday? Great, that is good.

Give It A Year is out next Friday. Time for Foody Friday, with a dish

that even I can cook, although I never have. Noodles.

Instant dried noodles, the ultimate convenience food. Last year, 100

billion packs and pots were eaten worldwide. Noodles have been eaten

everywhere for centuries, from the Middle East, to Italy and Asia,

with the earliest records appearing in a Chinese cookbook 2000 years

ago. But they go back even further. Archaeologists in north-west China

recently dug up a bowl of noodles from under 10 feet of sediment.

They believe they are 4000 years old. Sadly, they would not let me

eat them. Still, I have these. The instant variety are often seen as a

bit lowbrow, but there is an altogether more sophisticated meal

being served in Japanese and Chinese noodle bars. In this

restaurant, they are taking it very seriously. Lots of us eat noodles

but very few get them made like this. This is very traditional. It

is very hard as well, as you can see. What is the DOH that he is

using? Flour, salt and water. It is so simple. How long has he taken to

learn to do this? It takes 10 years to master it. Because you have to

understand how it works. He makes it look very easy. Yes. Do you

fancy having a go? How hard can it be? And now back? I am not doing

very well! This is a disaster. is a bit harsh. There is almost a

noodle there. In the 19th century, the Japanese started selling their

own Chinese-style noodles. Slowly, they adapted the recipe. This soup

is basically noodles in a broth, and there are many different

varieties, depended on whether you use pork, chicken or Sorley stock.

You can add herbs, Chile or chop vegetables, making it a meal in

itself, and a cheap one at that, with the average poll costing less

than �10. -- bowl. At this restaurant, they use a machine to

make the noodles. Simply, flour, water and other ingredients going

and on the other end, perfect noodles come out. Obviously,

noodles are important but this is also about stock. Yes, this one.

Very thick and creamy. Thick and milky, yes. What is in the stock

was to mark pig bones, basically. It is cooked and boiled over 18

hours. Almost like a gravy. It is very thick and cheery.

Ming Xun is with us. He is one of only a small number of people who

can make noodles from scratch. How long is it going to take. Can you

ask him? 20 seconds. It is a good job because that is all we have

left. Jay you have done this. the thing is to have an elastic

move and because if it is to shop they will break. Stephen is going

to have a go. See if you can do better than in the other game.

right, you have a go next time! I am not even sure what he is doing.

You have got the hands for it. Dainty fingers. I have always liked

your fingers. You just stretch it, really. What is difficult about

that? There is no way I can do that. I do not know what is going on.

is like magic. They appear from nowhere. You said noodles are 4000

years old. When did they come to this country? With the first

Chinese restaurants. There was a Chinese community in the east end

in the 18th century, so there would have been some form of Chinese food.

Go on, Stephen. And then he did that. Then he did that. What do I

do now? I cannot just keep pulling. You are doing well. He is the only

man who can do this, but I will have ago. There is stuff happening.

It is a good effort, Stephen. Pretty good effort. Thank you, Jay.

Stephen, good luck with the movie. It is out a week today. Next week,