Harry Hill brings his particular brand of fun and madness to the studio and The One Show is on the search for Britain's Best Laugh. Presented by Matt Baker and Michelle Ackerley.
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Hello and welcome to The One Show with Matt Baker...
And, sitting on our sofa, someone who doesn't think we should
Judging by past performances, there's no way that tonight's guest
will be anything other than gloriously, absurdly silly...
Lets get on with the show. He is creepy. It is sausage clock.
I had never seen any of that because I was in it. It was funny with Gary
and Lord Sugar. He loved every minute of that! This is your tenth
appearance on the show. There must be a prize! Unfortunately no
sausages involved. But you have brought this button. I will go along
with the charade! You asked us to get it, carry on. It is not for Red
Nose Day, this is what I use on my new ITV show Alien Fun Capsule. The
idea is if I see something funny I press the button and it is
transferred into the alien Bob Capshaw. I was asked by a world
government sometime ago -- Alien Fun Capsule. To collect all the funniest
stuff I could find to put it into a capsule in case we are invaded by
Lian and then I could show them that we are fun to hang out with. That is
the concept of the show, I admit it is wafer thin. We like it! So thin
that you could smoke it. We thought we would recreate it tonight.
Anything you find funny that could go into the Fun Capsule just pressed
the buzzer at any point in time. I love the idea. Do something funny!
Do not put me on the spot! It should be spontaneous. Well hopefully
people at home will not be pressing any buttons and staying with us.
More interesting than funny. You just get settled in.
Buying and moving into a new home is a stressful time -
mortgages, solicitors, surveys, moving vans and the rest.
So you might think a brand-spanking new-build property
Probably heard the UK is in the middle of a housing crisis with the
government claiming 1 million new homes must be built by 2020. But
some people say the push to build new homes in quantity is resulting
in a drop in quality. Last month one of the U:K.'s biggest house-builders
Bovis Homes announced it was setting aside ?7 million to fix problems
with some of its homes. The people that own the homes are so angry
about their shoddily built dwellings that they have done what angry
people do these days. They started a Facebook group.
Almost 3000 customers have been posting complaints about cracked
roofs, damp ceilings and even wonky walls. Danny Moffat is one of the
Facebook campaigners. In 2014 the former Royal Marine bought his
?600,000 home in Surrey. We ploughed all of my pension from the Royal
Marines into this home. It was supposed to be the forever home, all
the extras included and unfortunately they have been a lot
of extras we were not including. Most new bills come with a snagging
list, an inventory of jobs that the builder must come back to fix. In
the case of Danny is less of a list and more a catalogue of disaster.
We probably identified 1000 snags. As you go into the master bedroom
the floor sinks to the centre. The downstairs toilet was blocked. They
realised the pipe was the wrong size and that led to the back wall being
damp and the whole dining room floor had to be taken up. It is a bit like
everyday is a school day every day is a snagging day when you buy a
Bovis Home. Stewart from Bedford also bought his Bovis Home in 2014
but for the past three years his biggest problem has been keeping out
the cold. Talk to me about the practicalities of living here. Even
with the heating on and radiators blazing we have like a Siberian wind
blowing across the floor. If we are sitting here doing anything we have
to wear a thick jumper and thermal socks. Stewart complained to Bovis
Homes but it fell on deaf ears so he shelled out for a thermal imaging
survey of his home. Everything should be roughly the same orange
colour and you can see in every corner of every room there is some
area of missing installation. In a statement a spokesperson for Bovis
Homes said that the firm recognised that there had been customer service
issues at some locations. They said they are changing as a business,
slowing overall building rates. They had while the majority of customers
are happy, they're committed to making things right by homeowners
who have reported issues to them. But when it comes to house-builders
it is not just Bovis Homes who are letting customers down. Paul Higgins
is chief executive at the homeowners Alliance. There is some great
house-builders are out there who are selling to customers for life and
they take part in the work and want to get things done but sadly other
house-builders who at the expense of quantity, quality is Bing, mice.
There is a lack of consumer protection buying a new home. When
you buy a new car you can return it but you cannot return home. The
government has set a target of new homes that must be built by 2020.
But what is it doing to protect people moving into those homes.
Oliver Caldwell MP chairs and All Party Parliamentary Group on Iran
bill. Last year he commissioned a report calling for house-builders to
be held to account. You recommended an ombudsman for new homes back in
July last year and we have not got one. The government has got to look
at it as to whether or not that is except a way of going for. We will
hope we will have a response in the autumn or by the end of the year
certainly. So Bovis Homes have committed ?7 million nationwide,
what can you do to make sure that they fulfil their commitment and put
things right? I think it is an indication they realised there is an
issue and they've got to do something about it. We had to make
sure there is legislation and strictures in place which are going
to deliver good quality builds. So Oliver thinks it is time for some
action. A bit worrying then that is made of American government have not
included his ideas in their big housing plan. Of course none of this
will come as any comfort to you if you are currently sitting in a
lounge of your new-build home with the breeze coming in under the
skirting boards. Watching television with Harry Hill
is like watching television with the constant running commentary! I'm
still making TV Burp but just for the kids and family at home! We all
shout at the telly. Let's talk about this Alien Fun Capsule. Bagging all
the things that could potentially delight aliens, anything funny. But
it is an interesting concept. If aliens were watching British
television right now, what do you think they would be thinking, would
they be enjoying it? I think they would be putting the One Show into
their Fun Capsule. There's a lot of strange stuff on at the moment on
TV. My family, I have three girls, they loved to watch don't tell the
bride and say yes to the dress. You have a guy arranging the wedding and
the girl saying oh no, what has he done! But you agree to be part of
the show! It should not be complete surprise that he organised the whole
thing in an Indian takeaway! But as you said, with the aliens, they
would be watching from light years away. So it would be very old
programmes. You different guests each week. It is a panel show.
Basically I pitched the show to ITV and had various ideas but they said
we would like a panel show. ITV does not really have a panel show. I have
never even been on one let alone be the host and I do not particularly
like them! So I have the panel. And what do you ask them? Well, not
much! The idea originally was they would come in with funny stuff but
it ended up with me just showing them stuff and as all laughing. But
a lot of it is me taking the Mickey. Judith Chalmers was on the show, the
veteran broadcaster of course. Let's just have a look. Here we go.
Wish you were here! Hello, Judith, I wish you were here! Not in a bad
way. I was just making a comment about the theme of Judith and her
show. It's came across as you taking an instant dislike! I love it! We
need a trumpet. It took a long time to learn that. Months of rehearsal.
You also have regular rounds. One of them involves local news headlines.
We've got our audience in tonight to help us explain. So when you're
ready a bit of music and off you go. Large lorry negotiates tight bend.
Comfortable mother in custard shortage. I'm not dead says
grandmother. Early customers find booths closed. New footbath gate is
too noisy. Thank you very much. So where did this start? Local news
round-up is what we think. You see these headlines on boards outside
newsagents. So we went to get as many as we could. I think we do for
five each week. And they're all true. Those are true. Completely
real stories. Do you have a favourite? I do like the custard
story. With double mother in custard shortage. I'm a big fan but stubble.
That could go in Fun Capsule. Let's stick with it.
Harry Hill's Alien Fun Capsule continues Thursday, 8.30pm, ITV.
"Stressed dog goes grey" could easily be another
funny headline on Harry's local news round-up.
But according to a new study, it's a real, serious and widespread
problem for many dogs and their owners.
Silver hairs, many of us discover them sooner than we would like.
Normally the hallmark of age and maturity is often said also to be
the tell-tale sign of stress. Could high-pressure jobs be to blame? We
do know premature greying can be caused by genetics, disease and
damage to the skin. But surprisingly there is little evidence that stress
or anxiety gives us silver hairs. The science is still a bit of a grey
area. So we were intrigued to hear about a
study that claim to find the connection not with humans but in
dogs. New research carried out by a group
of universities in the USA found that there could be a link between
dogs with prematurely grey fur and anxiety. Using a sample of 400 young
dogs aged under four years old researchers took photographs of
their mothers. The dogs were rated on a silver scale from no grey fur
to a full grey nose. The study found the more likely the dog was to be
nervous or show impulsive behaviour the more grey hairs they had. To
find out what can make dogs anxious I meeting with behaviourist and
trainer Louise and her dog Fred. Hello, Fred how you doing. I noticed
he has some grey in his muscle. You must be interested in the study. It
is fascinating, dogs can go grey because of genetics and more breeds
are more prone to it. I've noticed a lot of younger rescued dogs that
looked older than their years. Fred is a good example. He's just five
years old. I took on last year. He had grave error before we got him.
And you believe it be stressed related. I think there could be a
link because he had a rocky start to life. You would not imagine a dog
like this, a great Dane, to be nervous. He gets anxious? I would
say he definitely arrived with some kind of anxious tendencies. We're
working on that. Let's take for a walk.
For Fred a city walk like this can be stressful. Traffic.
Strangers. And children shouting all put him on
edge. But for Louise this is only part of
the story. There are other subtler signs of stress to look out for. It
can be yawning. Lip licking. You can get ears going back, the tail
underneath. You can find some dogs will do displacement activity, so
they can be going towards something and start sniffing the ground as a
way of avoiding things. There's a lot of things but it's about putting
them all together. Louise is gradually training Fred to cope. She
keeps an eye on his subtle cues and posture. If something makes him
nervous she uses a command to tell him they're changing direction. In
this way, Fred has learned to trust Louise and stay calm even when
something worries him. I think it's about not forcing them into a
situation. I never wanted to push him into something, I never wanted
to make him do something. Understanding a dog's stress signs
and what causes them can help owners build their dog's confidence and
ultimately reduce anxiety. There's still lots more research to
be done but understanding what changes the hair colour in dogs
could one day help us understand what makes us go grey. In the
meantime, recognising those signs of anxiety in our four-legged friends
and knowing how to keep them happy could only be a good thing.
Good boy! Well, thanks, Patrick. As you can
see, Fred is now here on The One Show. Live, he continues to make
great progress overcoming his nerves. Louise who we saw in the
film feels this is the right time for him to make his debut on live
television. He is incredibly relaxed. How has it gone getting him
here? He's done well. We had time to familiarise himself with the studio,
that was part of it, getting used to it, knowing he would be all right to
come in. No stage fright at all. I wish I had done the same thing! He
has a new friend. He does. He has make a first dog friend, a dog
called Crocus. What do they do? They go out for walks. Of course. When
one sniffs the other one does, when one stops the other stops. A bit of
running around together. Listen, Harry, we know you love sausages and
you love dogs. We have a great opportunity if you want to take this
opportunity, you can potentially feed Fred. Open wide, Louise! Sorry,
the dog. Not me. Fred, do you want a sausage, come on, Fred! He is a
gentle giant. Thank you to you both. Come and see us again, Fred, keep us
updated with the progress and how it's going. All right. Dave, we need
more sausages! Get the frying pan on. Now Red Nose
Day is fast approaching and it's time to get involved. We are not
asking for money today, though. We need your laughs. Giggles, chuckles
and chortles. Details will be along shortly. First, here is some
hilarious inspiration. # Come up and see me, make me
smile... It's so infectious. Can you compete with that lot? Comic Relief
want to celebrate Britain's best laugh, if you or someone you know
has a brilliant laugh film it on your phone and make sure it is this
way, please. Landscape. Not this way, portrait. Yes, please send in a
quick video to our usual address. We will show some of our favourite
laughs on The One Show next week. Now, Harry, we have got some laughs
for you right now. The question is what are these
people laughing at that you are about to see. I see, it's a quiz.
First, this presenter in Australia having an unprofessional moment.
What are they laughing at? LAUGHTER
We have options for you. OK. Is he laughing at his co-host falling
over, Donald Trump or a grumpy cat? Cats are always funny. I am going to
say grumpy cat. Let's have a look. It is a grumpy cat!
Grumpy cat. Fred is laughing too. OK. On to the next one. Let's look
at the next one. This little baby.
Now, is this baby laughing at a snoring dog, a bowl of baked beans
or a bald man with big collars on the telly? It can't be the last one.
Baked beans. Let's find out. It's you! Lastly, this is from our
show. Chatting to Dawn French in 2010. What was Dawn laughing at
here? A dancing Daleka rude cake or Gyles Brandreth?
It's got to be a rude cake. With Dawn. Let's find out.
It is a rude cake! Very good. Two out of three ain't
bad. Mike's here tonight. He wants to make it into the alien fun
capsule, after all he and Harry had lots in common, not just the
obvious. Harry loves all things weird. We could be brothers. You
could. Mike has been on the track of a slithery cove cropping up in
unexpected places. The tranquil waters of this lake are
rich in aquatic life, from frogs and fish, to newts, the perfect prey for
an animal you wouldn't normally associate with water, a long, smooth
olive green predator, the grass snake. But there is a lot more to a
grass snake than simply being, well, a snake in the grass.
Personally I think the grass snake is one of the most poorly named
animals in Britain. Most people would assume that only found on dry
land, in amongst grass. But probably a much better name would be water
snake. And I want to show you why.
But the problem is finding one. The best chance of a sighting should
be on a sunny morning, just like this.
At the moment they'll have just come out and will be basking underneath
that heat. They don't have ears but detect sound through vibrations in
the ground, so my voice won't disturb them but I have to trod
softly. For several hours, nothing. But just as we were about to give
up, whilst the camera was pointing in another direction, it happened.
This is a really exciting and frustrating in equal measure, our
cameraman has just had a grass snake swim past his feet but it's
disappeared. It seems to have gone under there. All we can do is sit
and wait. Got it!
It's a very, very long snake. That's got to be a metre 20. Making it a
female, the females are generally longer. A lily pad is the perfect
place for a rest. While tasting the air for the scent of prey. I have
never seen one swimming as well as that, that's sensational.
The best views I have ever had of grass snake, but I want to find out
how it swims so well. It means getting a much closer look
in more controlled surroundings. I am only handling this marvellous
beast here with a special permission of the good folk here. It let's me
show you why a grass snake is a grass snake. For me the key feature
is that yellow collar behind its head. They get a really close-up
view of its eye, the pupil is round, not like a vertical cat's eye pupil
but I am not here to look into its eyes, I am here to look at its
aquatic skills so we have set up a snake swimming pool. Under water and
slow motion cameras will allow us to film it in action. Right, it's the
moment of truth. Time to see how our swimmer gets on in the specially
rigged tank. Here we go!
Oh! Look at that! Powering away with the S-shaped
curves. Slow motion reveals how the snake swims forward. With each turn
its body acts like a paddle, pushing the water back to propell the snake
forward. Its stream-lined body glides through
the water. Strong muscles keep its head raised
well above the surface. On the look out for predators and
prey. Grass snakes really are perfectly
adapted for an aquatic lifestyle. So next time you take a stroll along
the water's edge, see if you can spot one of these skilful serpents
swimming silently past. Isn't that a beautiful film? Thank
you, Mike. Harry, it will come as no surprise to you that the grass snake
is not a great name for that particular animal, because all
afternoon you have been busy for us. Mike, pick it up from here. We gave
you animal names that were slightly ridiculous and weird and asked you
to draw what you thought they were. The first one was mountain chicken.
I have drawn this, right. He is up a mountain. I like it. His beak is
brightly coloured so that a plane won't hit him. Quite fat. He stays
nice and warm up there. Accuracy, one. It's actually a frog. The
largest frog in the Caribbean Islands. It lives up mountains and
apparently tastes like chickens. It's disappearing fast. What is
next? The next one is a... You tell us. You said it's a killdeer.
Poisoned horns, it's got a helicopter landing pad. That's
brilliant. That bit is remarkably accurate. Actually, it's not.
Killdeer is not a killer deer and it's not a killer of deer. It's
actually a north American mid-sized bird. One more. The Hickory Horned
Devil. I am afraid it's a caterpillar from the north-east
American forest. It's jumbo-sized, about the size of a hot-dog. It has
amazing tips like a horned devil and it is utterly harmless. There you
go. A huge round of applause for Harry. When Harry has more time this
is what he can produce. Harry is hoping to get into the Royal Academy
of Art, with this. His version of Monarch of the Glen. Stunning. We
wish you all the best. Mike, thank you so much. Wonderful. That's your
lot tonight. A big thank you to Harry Hill!
Alien Fun Capsule continues on Thursday 8pm on ITV. Tomorrow we
have a stellar line-up, we will be joined by the stars of a new film
Life, Rebecca Ferguson and how old A lister Jake Gyllenhall. Sheena
Easton will be making an entrance with 42 tap dancers. See you then.