15/12/2011 The One Show

Hello and welcome to the One Show with Matt Baker and Alex Jones.

Tonight's guest is a funny lass who tickles everyone's fancy then she

may be crowned Queen of Comedy at a mile night's Comedy Awards. Sarah

Millican. Tonight, we will be telling you how you can save money

this Christmas. Are you a big spender? No, we always have a limit.

My family, we give a limit, a certain amount you are allowed to

spend on each other, because otherwise it escalates and somebody

spends too much and then you are shouting. You should never shout on

Christmas Day. With Christmas decorations, do you bring out the

old ones every year? I have a tiny fake Christmas tree. I did not have

time in January to take it apart and take the decorations off so I

put it into my spare room. I can't plug the lights and put it into the

spare room, so I just had to bring it out and plug it in again. I

think it is genius. Tonight, we are looking for the oldest, most loved

decorations in the country that are still making the trip down from the

loft. Send pictures of the ancient lights and baubles, even home-made

decorations. Remember to get yourself in the photo. The older

the decorations, the better they smell, don't you find? Now then, we

have got a budget Christmas dinner as seen on a student website

yesterday. It is less than �2 ahead and it only takes 10 minutes to

make. Feast your eyes on this. Roast turkey has been replaced by a

single wafer thin turkey slice. Potato waffles instead of roasties,

and who needs chipolatas when you have cocktail sausages wrapped in

processed ham? Is it still warm? Have you got a fork. It is

strangely appetising. The thing is, it is all nice. Who does not like

waffles? Who does not like waffles?! The important questions.

Most people will not go that far to save the pennies but these ladies

from the Women's Institute are going to show you how to make a

home-made pressie tonight. Exciting. But first, the One Show family are

back, being paid a visit by our savings Santa, Simon.

We are expected to spend a whopping �21 billion on Christmas this year,

with every adult spending an average of �437. At a time when we

are tightening our belts, we thought it was time to give

something back to our One Show family. If so far this year, we

have made them live on �50 per week and then made them reduce their

salt. This time, we are delivering something easier to swallow. Merry

Christmas! The not you again! I have been so horrible to you this

year but I thought I would bring you something nice this time.

Christmas! Because this is the One Show, there is a catch - we want

them to save money, not spend it. Let's get a bargain Christmas magic

under way. Paper chains and cards. And I will leave the rest of the

magic to us. If you have left it this late, making savings might be

tricky, but if you are prepared to set a budget and stick to it, our

money-saving expert thinks he can still save you a few pennies. Over

to you. If you are buying a high- value item this Christmas, delay

Christmas. Retailers have captive customers in the rush before

Christmas. It is the highest price time of the year. January sales,

the lowest price time of the year. So if you are buying the plasma TV,

buy it in the January sales when it is cheaper. So, how will that go

down? Open it and see what you have got. I owe you one present in the

sales. I do not know if I could do that to the kids. Adults, yes, but

not for the children. Would you be happy with that for this year and

we will get you a present after Christmas? Yes. I like the box.

Just get him a box for Christmas. Time for my Christmas down shift to

challenge. Lots of people like to go up brand at Christmas, thinking

they are getting a treat. Retail hypnosis. Who says hire brands and

more expensive is better. Until you taste it with your tongue, you will

not know. You should have a range of different goods, some high brand

and some low brand. Which do you prefer? Lots of Christmas treats.

Dive in. We have branded nuts and crisps begins the supermarket's own.

Pre-cooked sausages against supermarket bangers. Finest mince

pies against regular, and champagne against sparkling wine. He

preferred the cheaper one. And it is a lot cheaper. We can get more

bottles. For cheaper. Responsible drinking only! What about the

snacks? Peanuts, those ones. All of the family preferred the

supermarket peanuts. Which meant spies do you prefer? Those ones.

George? -- mince pies. Actually, these were the most expensive. The

adults preferred the supermarket regular ones at 17p each, compared

to the supermarket top range at 42p each. When you do the Christmas

shopping, what are you going to do? I will not go for the branded

special items. I will look at the prices, because I know there is no

difference in the taste. What about the Christmas tree? This is the

cheapest we could find - �25 all-in. This was more expensive, �40. Come

and stand next to the tree that you would like to see in your lounge

this Christmas. You have all gone for that one. Well, maybe I can get

Martin to change your mind. Your choice is simple. The tree that

you're used to and the one you like, or the artificial one that will

last longer and the cash that you will save year on year. Simon, show

them the money. By Christmas 2014, that would save you around �135

with the fake Christmas tree. Can I tempt anyone to join me? I have got

one. No. Why? Because it smells of Christmas. There you go, this

smells of Christmas, too. It will smell exactly the same. Can I tempt

you? January sales are around the corner,

the perfect time to buy cards, trees and tinsel. Get a cupboard,

put them in and wait until next December.

We are now in the One Show's craft corner with WI craft judge Gill

Thomas and chutney supremo Gill Brand. Now then, they are going to

show you how to make a home-made Christmas present. We do not want

to know what it is. Are you any good at arts and crafts? I am being

forced to make you a present, am I? What about my present? I will take

some chutney home. Are you generally quite artistic? I was

when I was a kid but I have not had time. Let's see what is on offer.

Loads of things. Things with digital photos. Snow globes. Just

make a little-seen and put a bit of candles sand and the litter inside.

-- glitter. And a promise book. For people who would really like a

Christmas present that is going to give their time to somebody,

promised to do things. It is not like being on a promise! The sort

of thing like keeping the biscuit tin full up all the time. There are

little envelopes and you put your promise in there. You are going to

keep your biscuit tin full up. By not eating any, or by constantly

buying biscuits? As the goddess of jam and chutney, Sarah could make a

hamper because they are expensive, about �200, some of them. And how

nice to give home-made food. Banana chutney. Bananas, onions, pickle

and vinegar. But if she does not have time, or if she does not want

to make it herself, she could go to a farmers' market, or to the

country market and buy them. We will show her how to dress the

hamper. You have only got 10 minutes, so I don't know if you

could make a chutney in that time. Keep it a surprise and we will have

our present at the end of the show. Of course, the Christmas party

season is in full swing and this week England footballer Gareth

Barry turned up dressed as the famous children's book character

Where's Wally. He still looks handsome. The idea behind the

Where's Wally books is to spot him in a crowd, but Alex Riley discover

that the man who invented him is even more elusive than Wally

himself. The Where's Wally books have been delighting children since

they were first published in 1987. 24 years later with over 50 million

sold, the legend of Wally is going strong, but what do we know about

him? He travels through time to visit interesting destinations

throughout the world and he always wears the same trademark outfit.

But the real fun is in trying to spot Wally, and his author, Martin

Handford, is just as elusive. Excuse me, whereas Martyn from

Where's Wally? Unfortunately, not at his publishers. I will spend the

rest of the day trying to get closer to the enigma that is

Whalley. What better way than to Can you see me supporting Barack

Obama? Can you spot me? Can you see me? Think that was easy? Keep

watching, they are going to get harder. What do you like about the

Where's Wally books? It is hide- and-seek on the page. It is never

the same. How would you describe him? He is fun and exciting and he

is really stripey. It is quite tricky to find him because there

are loads of people. Has anybody found all of them in all of the

books? Yes, but a hard bit is finding the rest of the features,

like the binoculars, the phones, the cameras. I don't suppose any of

you know where the author is? The author, Martin Handford, has

apparently not given an interview since 1990. Why is he so shy about

publicising his books? A lot of illustrators who are artists would

prefer to be in the studio are doing their work, quietly getting

on with it. Think of authors like Hemingway, a very private person.

JK Rowling does not necessarily like a lot of publicity either.

Sometimes it can help the brand to stand on its own as well. We do not

think of Martin Handford when we are reading Where's Wally. You do

not know where he is, do you? Wally is a worldwide phenomenon. He

has different names in different countries. This is John Moseley,

possibly Britain's biggest Where's Wally fan. What makes him a proper

one the lover? That must have really hurt. Why did you decide to

get the Where's Wally tattoo? charity. It raised �2,000 for Great

Ormond Street Hospital and we have more money coming in every day.

can play at that game. Where am I? I am on the terraces at Old

Trafford, enjoying the Proms in the Park. It is reassuring to know that

a simple picture book like Where's Wally still captures the attention

of children and adults alike. Talking of which, did you spot me?

I'm a big fan of Where's Wally. is hard to see him sometimes.

Really difficult to spot him. Sarah, you are very good at finding a

Wally in the crowd with your stand- up. I cannot normally see anybody

because it is dark. When people feel anonymous they are more

inclined to shout out. I don't encourage it. I don't like it when

they shout horrible things, just things that I have asked them,

which is nice. Sometimes people are trying to be funny and you have to

close it down and move on to find somebody else who is more funny.

is risky because you have no idea of what they are like. That is when

I feel like a proper comic as opposed to a funny writer who is

telling jokes on stage. There are moments when anything could happen

and it is terrifying but brilliant will stop You recently played in

your home town of South Shields. Was that nerve-racking, or did you

enjoy it more than the others? was terrifying because I had family

in. I also had people from school. You know when you look somebody

upon Facebook and you hope they are fat, or that they have loads of

kids. It was the worst version of that, when they could come and

watch me on stage from the darkness. There was somebody I used to play

with when I was a baby, and somebody else I used to go out with.

You must have featured that. ignored some people, to be fair. It

was quite a small venue, so it was scary. Let's have a look at your

DVD. One supermarket recently had a range of superhero knickers, and

they are awesome. I have enough pairs that I can be invincible for

five days in a row. I rang my sister because I thought she would

want to know, and she said, what have they got on. I said I have got

some with wonder woman and some with he-man's sister. There was a

APPLAUSE So, you were saying you have She-ra underwear? Yes, and

Wonder Woman now. Well, tomorrow you could wear these once... There

you go, you said you were after a present. I could probably get them

on an arm! Up one leg, thank you very much! Christmas crackers! Your

dad has been helping you selling the DVDs, they have been incredibly

successful, what is it, 100,000? Yes, we sold over 100,000, the

first time a female comic has done it in 110 years. It is the second

time that a female comic has done it ever. My dad, I am proud of him.

He stands in HMV and when other people pick up DVDs of other comics,

he says you don't want that, you want this one. He's a bibit of a

character your dad, is he starring in a TV series that you are doing?

Yes, I'm making a show for BBC Two, it is going out in the spring. My

dad is good at advice. We used him in the pilot. We always Skype him.

It is fun. The first time I saw him on Skype, it is hot in the highways,

he was stripped to the waist. This time he had a shirt on as it was

for telly. Is he alt home? Oh, yes, he is at home. Is he topless now?

Watching this programme, he could be! Does it make you feel bad?

Good? You are not sure. More weird for me, I'm guessing. And the

Comedy Awards night, it is a big night. Yes, I'm not going to go, it

is heartbreaking, but I'm nominated for two awards. It is exciting.

great company? Yes, it is astonishing to be there, I'm

happying to in the gang. If you win who, is accepting the award for you

I think I'm doing a gig with Graham Norton, he is nominated too, they

have a camera crew ready just in case, it could be that I'm eating

in the dressing room and suddenly the camera crew burst in while I

have my nightie on! I'll make sure I have my clothes on. Good luck

with that. Now, you have a job to do, making the present? Come on,

Sarah, you are slacking! I thought it was just for the show, but it is

not! Now, landscape painting and it is sad news for art lovers as one

of JMW Turner's classic, Campo Vaccino is leaving Britain, heading

for Los Angeles. We are looking at why JMW Turner is a master of

colour and why his work is still in demand today. Today we live in a

world bursting with colour and vibrant images. We take it for

granted, but 200 years ago, one artist's passion for colour, made

him a pine year. JMW Turner was born in this street in London's

Covent Garden in 1775. The son of a humble barber and wig maker, he

began painting at the age of 126789 but of all of his works he regarded

this one as his darling. The Fighting Temeraire. It is

yellowish! I like the sun. You like the yellow? Yes it is my favourite

colour! JMW Turner is turning them on! I like the sun. I love the red.

In JMW Turner's time, there was a time of huge industry and

technology. Colours were being created and JMW Turner embrassed

them. A doctor studied JMW Turner's techniques. So, new colours were

coming in? Yes, over 1,000 years, the pigments available to the

painter had not changed. Then suddenly in the 19th century we get

these new colours. All of the new colours excited Turner? He is

passionate about colour, light. So when a bright yellow came on the

market or a blue, it is dynamite. Turner's use of vibrant new colours

like Scarlett, yellow and cobaltblue made his works seem like

anything than was seen before. I have come to the The National

Gallery to see the real The Fighting Temeraire which Turner

left to the nation. Here it is, the picture itself? Yes, here we have

The Fighting Temeraire. Her glory days were back in 1805 where she

fought alongside Nelson's Victory in the battle for Trafalgar. This

is her final journey. So this is her being tugged up the Thames

because she is going to be broken up and used for her parts it is

quite a sad part of the story. I think it is reflected, really, in

the sun set. It is like the end of her life, isn't it? Turner

completed the painting in 1839 when he was 64 years old, it sums up

everything he achieved in his lifetime. Tell me about the

painting? Yellow was his colour. There were lots of trade mark

colours invented but he had more yellows than anything else in his

paint box. But some critics labelled his use of yellow, saying

that he had jaundice on the retina, did he mind? No, more people

spourted Turner in his life than criticised him. Turner was an

unconventional character, he never married, but kept at least two

mistresses. He walked like a Saylor, dressed like a farmer, he was moody,

difficult, and he drank up to eight pints of milk and rum every day. I

like the sound of him! But can we reproduce some of Turner's

greatness? Back at the artist's studio, suing using the same paints

and techniques that he would have used then? You have done a

background? Yes it is in keeping with the way that Turner worked. So

we take a big brush. I like that. Can I have a go? Absolutely. If we

run out I can add more white. Turner business is a doddle! I will

put light into it now to give it variety. So let's put a ll

inbetween there under the bridge. A little bit of light. Were the

colours built to last? In time what they thought was a lasting colour

did not turn out to be so lasting. Chrome yellow does darken with age.

We save this for the blues. This is the higher the sky, the deeper the

blue. You are a poet as well as a painter. Aren't we clever? Exactly.

For Turner it was the layers of the paint that went into it to build up

the atmosphere, that was the magic that added to the quality of light

within his work. It is magic. I will get the paints out at home.

Speaking of crafts, Sarah is making our present in craft concerner. How

are you getting on? I'm doing sprinkles. I have written promises,

I promise to eat more biscuits and even more biscuits. Time now for

arts and crafts from a long time ago, in fact from the last Ice Age.

Now, when mysterious etchings were discovered in a damp cave last year,

no-one realised quite how important they were. Gower Peninsula in South

Wales is considered one of the best views in Britain. 14,000 years ago,

at the peak of the Ice Age, this whole environment would have looked

very different. A hostile landscape, covered with a layer of snow and

ice. Our native animals were also very different then. Woolly

mammoths, wolves and biason. There is also one other animal that

thrived in the period, the reindeer... We know this from

archaeological finds, but last year's discovery of a carving

bereaved to abrain door, -- believered to be a reindeer brought

into question another thought. Doctor Nash, dos covered this

carving in a cave not far from the Three Cliffs Bay. He is taking me

to a secret location, deep in the heart of ancient wood lank. They

really did choose an inaccessible part of the cave? They did.

carving is under a recess. It explains why it has been kept

intact for so long. I see it. incredible. It is exciting to see

this carving which few people have laid eyes on in thousands of years.

There are lots of other lines and things there? There are two more

things I have never seen before. this is so far undiscovered? Yes.

We are finding Stone Age rock art as we are filming it! So why did

our ancestors carve the images at the back of the cave where they are

almost impossible to see? We have settlements going on at the

entrance of the cave, but at the spwak the sacred areas where the

artists are painting things to rever them. Maybe in this case the

reindeer. So this is a religious space? Very much so, a religious

sacred space. So, thousands of years ago, before the reindeer

became a symbol of Christmas, it may have had a sacred connection

with our ancestors. George has made detailed tracings of the carving

that I want to look at. The head and the lines that go right across

backwards, clearly tells me we are dealing with a reindeer. How old do

we think that is? Yes employed a scientific dating team to take

particles we had a date of 12,500 years ago. Tkh puts it right in the

middle of the last Ice Age. The theory was that at the time the

humans were forced to cross the land bridge, later to become the

English Channel and move south to Europe. So what was it that brought

them back to Britain, to brave such unforgiving conditions? They are

following the herding animals, the biason, the horse and reindeer. If

they come to the north, the human groups come here. So, this fragile

little carving has completely made us re-evaluate, really, when and

where humans could exist in Britain? Exactly. There is a common

miss conception that cave paintings are our ancestor's favourite food,

but it gives insight into the far more subtle relationships that the

ancestors had with their environment and their belief

systems, all from thousands of years ago. Ti, Dan. Right, the

moment of truth is here. Are you ready for a present, Matt? Is it

time for the gift? Oh, look at that! APPLAUSE It is a hamper! You

combined the two ideas, very clever! You can have a present, but

it must have my face on it, that is the down fall. What are these?

Declarations. Oh, Christmas baubles! Which did you do? I put

sprinkles in there and promises in there and tied the ribbon. It is

trick! And trimmed the ends! trimmed it into a V shape, she was

impressed, weren't you, Gill? Can I have some entry form into the WI,

now? You have been busy sending in your pictures. This one from Andrew

Cawley, thank you by grandma. This is a choir boy candle, over 50

years ago. This is from Tim in north Lincolnshire. This is a glass