24/05/2013 The One Show


24/05/2013

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And welcome back to Michael. Thank you. Our guest to night is not a

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person but a whole country. Our audience are Germans, fans of the

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teams facing each other at Wembley tomorrow. And to get into the mood,

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we have German names. She is Olex Heinz Steiger Jones. And here's Herr

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Ball. Do you want to calf. First, a German comedian, Paco Erhard. Paco,

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how are you? Nice to see you. this reserved? Did you reserve it?

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It was not me. What do you think about those stereotypes? The beach

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towels. I would not hate it so much if it were not true. I go on holiday

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and I see my countrymen do it and I think, what rock did they crawl up

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under from. I do not know these kind of able back home. But they do

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exist. They do, and I apologise.The irony is you are wearing a union

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Jack jacket. I am the most British thing here. Your name is not German.

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I lived in Spain for eight years. In Spain, they called me Paco. I like

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it. We know that the Germans are up for a laugh because we spotted these

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pick jurors in and around London. They have draped towels over the

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deck chairs, not that you need towels or deckchairs in this

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weather. This show is not about football but the rivalry between our

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two great nations. We will be joined by the author of a book called How

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To Be A Kraut. And Justin Rowlatt, who we sent to live in Germany, with

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his family for a few weeks. audience will be pleased to know

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that Germany has just been voted the most popular country on the planet,

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according to a BBC World Service poll. Where was Wales?I don't know.

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So should we just lie back and let than us at a variety of things.

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Great electronics, their beer is among the best in the world, and

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according to a recent survey they are the most positive about Europe.

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So, is the answer to our woes to be more like the Germans? Would it

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stick in your throat to say, I am a Berliner? Germans are known for

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being productive and efficient. This has helped them grow their

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manufacturing industry to the powerhouse that it is today. Their

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schools do better than ours on international league tables, and the

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official verdict of the United Nations is that they are actually

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happier than us. So what have they got that we haven't? When we work,

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we work. Not much small talk and not coughing all the time. Is there

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anything here you cannot get your head around? I love Britain but

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things just do not work and everybody seems to accept it, and

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for a German that is outrageous. Your passion for queueing, we do not

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share that. The queue means that something is not working. What are

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the biggest misconceptions about Germany? No sense of humour, not

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very nice. This is partly because in Germany things are

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compartmentalised. But the worst misconception is that we like David

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Hasselhoff. I grow you must like him, because you are German. Call me

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a Nazi, but don't call me a fan of his. In Germany, and employment is

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lower, and on the football pitch, we lose again. We won the World Cup

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once but they have got their hands on it three times. How do they

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manage it? It is a mixture of luck and tough reforms over the last

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decade. Germany has benefited from below exchange rate of the euro,

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which has helped exports and the manufacturing sector. The element of

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achievement is that Germany and lamented a number of tough reforms

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over the last decade, which has helped them overcome high

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unemployment and make the labour market flexible, which has helped to

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create jobs. So there are some differences, but we also have a lot

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in common. We love the pub. Our language is closely related. And the

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Apology for the loss of subtitles for 48 seconds

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Anglo-Saxons, the forefathers of the they are not perfect. We delivered

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the Olympics on time and on budget, so Alex, asked the Germans in the

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studio about how this brand-new airport in Berlin is getting on.

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will do that. Paco has been joined by former Perlin correspondence of

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the times, Roger Boyes, and Justin Rowlatt. Paco, what is the deal with

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the airport? It does not sound as if things are running as efficiently as

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they should the. I do not know what is going on. As far as I remember,

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it should have been finished in the early 1970s! To be honest, by now I

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think it is a scheme by the German government. Everybody in the world

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is now thinking, thank God, the Germans make steaks, too. They are

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human after all. Apparently they do not know how to turn off the lights

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at the airport. Lights on would be a problem. Take the plug out. You

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wrote a book called How To Be A Kraut. Yes.Do the Germans mind us

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calling them that? Not if you say it loud enough. It is short for

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sauerkraut, and they like that, so I do not see the problem. What do they

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call us? Tommies. Why? Don't mention the war. How do you feel about the

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result of this poll, saying Germany is the most popular country in the

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world? We are confused. The last people who liked the Germans are the

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Germans. Do you deserve it?I think so. When we travel, we basically go

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around the world saying, I am from Germany but I am not a practising

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German. We are not comfortable with ourselves. It is weird. The first

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thing we say, why don't they like us, it is terrible. And then this

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comes out and we say, have they forgotten the Holocaust? We are

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awful, stop liking us! We are strange. You like the Germans.

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like the way they beat themselves up like that. We do, don't we? Justin,

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you lived in Germany for a documentary we will show in the

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summer. What were you doing? idea was to live like a German. I

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got a German flat and job and I worked in a pencil factory. The

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Germans dominate the world pencil industry, still. They make one sixth

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of the world's pencils. How big is the pencil industry anyway? We went

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to work in a pencil factory. I made pencils. We had a little flat in a

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city called Nuremberg. Let's have a look at him becoming a German

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worker. It is making 336 pencils each minute. Already, I have made

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1500 pencils. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. We did it.

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certainly did. The idea was to avoid German stereotypes. The last thing

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we wanted to do was to make the mistake of having any stereotypes.

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You had a German baby! That was quick! Tell us about the lederhosen.

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I was given them and then encouraged to wear them. It is actually quite

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comfortable. I think I would look good in them. You have got the legs.

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We have some very handsome lederhosen whereas over there.

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wife is also there. How different was it? Two thirds of German women

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stay at home, while just one third of buttons do. You must have been in

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your element, as a stay at home mum. No, I am a working mum. I always

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considered Germany and earnest and thoughtful culture but women tend to

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be nudged out of the working place. I became a reluctant housewife, to

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my horror. That did not suit me. I loved everything else about Germany

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but I was not keen to give up the working life. Roger, how do Germans

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view the British? Though I think they see us as amusing, eccentric

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losers. But when you get down to it, we are very similar. We are like

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pale cousins of each other, pale, freckled cousins. We ask the

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neighbours what they knew about England and they said they heard

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nothing about written in Germany. It does not really exist on the German

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map. -- Britain. German newspapers are already complaining about the

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quality of the food at Wembley for the champions league final. The

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cheek of it! But can Jay convince them to ditch their bratwurst for

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some good old bangers vesture Mark know nothing about football, but I

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do know about sausages. Behind me are a bunch of German football

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fans. The Germans generally beat us at football, but can we beat them at

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sausages? An award-winning sausage map made from a recipe going back

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five generations with lots of herbs and a little bit of spice. Let's see

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what they make of it. Try my traditional sausage. It is small.

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How big do you want it to be? Traditional British sausage. You do

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not like it at all? Tasteless. Tasteless? ! It is dry.What have

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you been eating? German sausages.I suppose we would call that one nil

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to you, although I disagree. This is a Cumberland sausage, made from a

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recipe dating to 1863, 90 5% poor. It is the king of sausages. Let's

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find out what the Germans think of these. -- 95% poor. I have a sausage

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that you will love. Would you go so far as to say that you like it?

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Too much herbs? Is it better than German sausages? No. He says, if you

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taste the German sausage, you know it is German. It is basically the

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best in the world. Finally, the Oxford sausage. Like the Cumberland,

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it dates from 1863, said to be inspired by the city of Oxford. It

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has a hint of lemon. I wonder what the Germans will make of this one.

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am a bit scared already. You are scared? I am terrified! What could

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possibly go wrong? No? Eat the dam sausage! It tastes like a hot dog.

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Yes or no? No. I did my best. I argued the case. What is the

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difference between British and German bankers? German sausages tend

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to be more processed. The other difference is the cooking method, in

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that most German sausages are poached before being sealed. It is

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ready good way of cooking. Poached them and then sealed off. I have

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brought various things in. Don't touch these, they have been on the

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set for a while. The currywurst -800 million of these sold every year.

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The Germans have the bookish to thank for this, because it was a

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German who got the ingredients for the source ash Worcester sauce,

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curry powder and ketchup, from the British forces in 1949 in Germany

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will stop if not for the British, we would never have had a currywurst.

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You can't go wrong with one of those, surely. Pass it over here.

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What else have you brought? . is a black first Gato full stop it

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is a very serious tech. -- a black forest Gato. It has to contain

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Kish. It was the pudding of choice in the 70s. It has come back into

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fashion. Justin, while you were in Germany, what did you think of the

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quality of the food? There is some really good food in Germany. There

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is more variety than I expected. There are a lot of heavy stews and

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sausages. I think British sausages are better. I think the Germans

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overprocessed bears. But there is some good food in Germany. They have

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their own pizzas and noodle dishes. It is a very diverse cuisine.

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you agree? Yeah. It is a very rural place. The idea of farmers' markets

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started in Germany. We think we are at the cutting edge, but the Germans

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were there first. You can get really fresh chicken. Still alive?Yeah!

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sauerkraut still popular? It is. Growing up, I had it about four

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times in my life, and I hated it. Sauerkraut is fantastic. Then you

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are more German than I am. It smells very strong. It can be nice, but the

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French do it better. We may not have persuaded any Germans or these guys

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here to give up their bratwurst, in favour of the British banger, but

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when it comes to gardens, the only innovation you have given us is the

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gnome. Thanks for that, Paco. Christine is back at the Chelsea

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Flower Show with their winner of the One Show garden competition.

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annual Chelsea Flower Show in London brings together the creme de la

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creme of horticulture, with top designers and growers from all over

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the world. I think this is the ideal place to meet our competition winner

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to see the journey she must go on to create her garden at the RHS Hampton

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Court Palace flower show. The key's design beat of nearly 300 entries in

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our competition. Hers is a family garden, designed with imagination

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high on the agenda. It is designed to make you feel like you have been

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shrunk and are looking up from the first floor. I want the garden to be

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achievable for anybody and for it to have a lively colour scheme and be

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practical for a family. As she makes her way around a family show, she is

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sketching some of the design features she might be able to draw

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inspiration from, and other features which are not even in the show. Have

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you lost the plot? What are you doing? This tree has an interesting

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texture. The tree roots look old and mossy. The key's show garden will be

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eight metres by eight metres, a lot smaller than some of those she has

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seen today. I think we will have to rein Vicky in. Some of these gardens

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have budgets that run into six figures. Hers is a lot smaller. I

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have a few ideas that might suit her budget. I know this is not on your

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list, but I want to introduce you to this. Isn't that beautiful? I love

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the coral pink ones. It works so well as a sea of colour. This could

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give the effect you want, and be really powerful and colourful. Look

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at the oranges. They work really well up high. They can go on the

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list. Especially keeping one. could be ideal for Vicky's garden.

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They provide real height and drama. What about the tree fern? It would

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give the feeling of thing an insect looking up. But it is not extra and

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colour that Vicky once in her garden. She is also have to flavour,

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as she believes it is important for children to understand where their

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food comes from. These plants have all been grown by children. You

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mentioned strawberries. Look at that. They are beautiful.We could

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also incorporate the ferny foliage of carrots. What about this

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humdinger? This is a new chive. Chelsea has provided Vicky with lots

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of new ideas, but will they meet the approval of design guru and frost?

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He won the gold medal at this year's show and is Vicky's mentor.

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What have you been up to? I hope you have not been leading her straight?

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Would I? You would, because you are mad about plants. You two might have

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blown the budget. It is not that bad. We have some solid ideas.

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Christine said it would be a good idea to have some firms in the

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garden. I am not keen on them, but we found a nice purple one. It would

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be nice in the Borders. I am pleased with that. The backdrop needs to be

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simple. We will keep it simple in the foreground, with colour in the

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centre. What have you learned about design today? Flowing, elegant.You

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are flirting! I think today has been brilliant. You have started to focus

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on understanding how show gardens work. There is a sense of theatre.

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They are capturing that moment. Thank you to Christine and Adam. We

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look forward to seeing Vicky's final design in July.

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Now, I don't know about Germans, but British fishermen are rightly proud

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of the Pike, a powerful freshwater fish which Miranda has had a close

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up view of. I do know of the dad's Army Pike.

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In the heart of Leicestershire is a flooded quarry, the deep cold waters

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of Stoney Cove hide one of Britain's's most fearsome

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predators, the Pike. Primarily a predator of other fish, and very

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capable of snatching ducklings and even water voles. To find out more,

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I am meeting underwater cameramen been Berman, who has a passion for

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Pike. How long have you been diving with Pike, and what is it about

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their aggressive behaviour? Are they really that aggressive? I have been

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diving with Pike for about 12 years and I have been filming them for

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seven years. They are aggressive, territorial and cannibalistic. But

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at this time of year, they are more sociable. Today, we are on a mission

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to film these incredible fish and hopefully witness their courtship

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display. The longer days of spring and a rising water temperature

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motivate the Pike to congregate here in the shallows. I am following you.

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As, look at this. It is going to check us out. Absolutely beautiful,

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streamlined fish. Pikes have this unmistakable shape, these fierce

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eyes, that mean looking jaw. One flick of that meaty, muscular tail,

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and they have a lightning fast acceleration, all the things you

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:24:12.:24:12.

need to be a top predator. There is a male. Anything over 12 lbs is a

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female. They can grow well over a metre long. Amazing.Here we go.

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Some are courting. Two males and a female. The Finns are enticing the

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female to shed her eggs. The female will try to pick the best mail to

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carry on the generation. This could last for days. Seeing this small

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courting group has been a treat, but that display is small fry compared

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to what you can find. So I am off in search of bigger, better things. We

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have two here in front of us. No, three. The males certainly look a

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bit battered. I am going to sit really still. Just one cursory

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glance, and they are off. What an amazing thing to see. Here she

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comes, with her entourage. The males are nipping each other, just link

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for the best position. The female will lay thousands of eggs. They are

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such big, scary fish, and yet their courtship is so beautifully gentle.

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What a lovely film. Justin, you are a brave man. I am surrounded.This

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is the new England football kit. Celebrating 150 years. Reminds me of

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something. Is that 1966? I don't know if you have heard of 1966?

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that the last time England did something? You went to a football

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match? It was by Munich versus Hamburg, and it was 9-2 to Bayern

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Munich. It was an amazing game. It got rather predict Apple. Five

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minutes later, there would be another goal. Justin, we have got

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some fans here. Give us a cheer. it going to be 9-2 tomorrow? I hope

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not. The last time, it was 5-2. are big Dortmund fan. You have flown

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over with Stephan. And you flew over without a ticket to the match?

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Exactly. Have you managed to get one? Now I have managed to get one.

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This today I did not have one, but today I knew somebody who had a

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ticket. What do you think of London? It is raining, but it is great.

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very rarely rains(!). I anticipated a German final, so that was why I

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booked the flight tickets before the semi-final. Good planning. Very

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German. Do you feel a bit outnumbered, because there are quite

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a few Bayern Munich fans here tonight? You are one of them. Tell

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us how you will be watching the game tomorrow. We own a Bavarian

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restaurant in Kingston, and we have invited all of the German community

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to watch it on German TV. Do you think you will be celebrating?

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will be celebrating anyway! It will be a good atmosphere. Have a great

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time. I will have a bit of this.Who are you supporting? Bayern Munich

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all the way. No President Obama would be complete without some

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traditional music, as we bid you Auf Wiedersehen come accompanied by the

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High Society group macro. Monday's show is on half an hour earlier at

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6:30pm, when we will be joined by Nigel heathers and Suzi Perry. Thank

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you to our guest tonight. You can see a preview of Paco's Edinburgh

:28:45.:28:50.

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