25/09/2014 The One Show


25/09/2014

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Hello and welcome to The One Show with Matt Baker. And Alex Jones.

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Tonight's guest is many things. He's a journalist. And historian. An

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author. And Britain's for most impersonator of British prime

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ministers. Personally, I'm a great believer in bed. Wretchedness and

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human degradation will be as remote to people of this country as the

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wolves which once infested its forests. I think Blair could one day

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be leader of the Labour Party, after me. Please welcome, Andrew Marr.

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Brilliant. Last night we were talking about art and tonight we are

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talking about impressions. You did your impression to Ed Miliband of

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Gordon Brown. I did and I don't think he was impressed. I had the

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producer in my ear telling me to stop it. I had to finish the

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sentence. Afterwards Ed said he thought it was a good impersonation

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but he looked like I had slapped him across the face with a wet fish. The

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Welsh accident was OK with Lloyd George. The Welsh starts to go into

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Pakistan in sometimes. I didn't want to say it but a little bit. We think

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you have a good career as an impersonator so we have Alistair

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McGowan to give you a nudge in the right direction. They have had a

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masterclass. Yes, we have had a masterclass. How was Alistair? I

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reckon he has quite a bit of talent but will he make it through Mike

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strenuous Boot Camp? We will have to wait and see. What do you reckon?

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Absolutely, 100%, yes. APPLAUSE

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Very good. We will have the results later. That's why I don't have a

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career. Also tonight, as our swallows fly south we have a

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beautiful film from the Norfolk Broads where one family have set up

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home on a motor cruiser. That is glorious. Lovely footage. But first,

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if Alan Henning could have witnessed the vigil held for him in Bolton

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this timeous night he would have heard glowing tributes from his

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friends and colleagues. The aid worker and taxi driver is still

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being held by militants and as MPs prepared to debate military action

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tomorrow those closest to him came together in a show of solidarity,

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support and hope. Trish Adudu was there.

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Cab driver Colin Morris has known Alan Henning for nearly 18 years.

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They used to work for the same taxi firm in Salford. Me and Alan both

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used to do the dawn shift. We became good work mates. He was a bit

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quirky. They called him Gadget and he had trouble remembering his jobs

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on the radio so he would have a dictaphone and speak into it so when

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he went to the next job he could bring it up and do it. He had a

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little night Rider light on the front of his car. When you see the

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images in the news of Alan being held captive how does it make you

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feel? I saw him on the television and I thought I had been hit in the

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face with a spade. It is someone that you know and suddenly it

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becomes real. It is not the television any more, it is real.

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Alan has spent the last 273 days as a hostage, held by the extremist

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group Islamic State. This was Alan on Christmas Day last year, the day

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before he was abducted. I think more people should show a bit more

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charity. This way at least you see where it is going, to the right

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people. Last year Alan felt he should be doing more than just

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giving money to help the people of Syria. So he joined a convoy taking

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food, water and medical supplies from Britain. Seeing what they need

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actually get to where it needs to go. Within half an hour of crossing

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from Turkey into Syria massed gunmen demanded the passports of everyone

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in the convoy. They accused Allen of being a spy and took him away. --

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masked gunmen. Today people are gathering here at this vigil to pray

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for Alan's early release and his safe return, as well as celebrate

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his humanitarian efforts to help the people in Syria. This woman joined

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Alan on an earlier aid convoy to Syria last August. I'm really hoping

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and praying, as a Muslim myself and the people who have got Gadget, and

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are Muslims themselves, will open their heart to see what kind of man

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they really have in their company and that they are blessed to have

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him in their company and that they will release him soon to his family.

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Because, he really doesn't deserve to be treated in the manner that he

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is. So what sort of man is he? Although he was this kind of

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comedian actor Gadget, he was a man with a big heart and he spoke about

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his family and children a lot on our journey. He is very much a family

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man so helping the people of Syria came naturally to him. I think the

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vigil is a perfect example of something Gadget would do. Had it

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been any of us. More than 100 people have come to the vigil here in

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Bolton today. I've come here to show my support, and hopefully the people

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in Syria will listen and release him, that's all we are hoping. What

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is going through your mind at the moment? Just get Alan home safely,

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that's all I want. Just for his wife and family. And for his friends and

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whatever, just get him home safely, please. The vigil is an interfaith

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event with people from the Christian, Hindu and Muslim

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communities all playing together for Alan. -- praying. He would want to

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learn about different religions and he would ask about our faith and we

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would say why not convert to Islam? You know so much about it. He would

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say that you pray five times a day and I have too many other things to

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do, like saving the world, like Gadget does, and that's the

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character he is. Alan's family has sent messages to be read out at the

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vigil. I ask you all to pray for Alan and all the other people

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imprisoned worldwide. And on Monday, his wife issued an open appeal to

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Alan's captors, asking them to free her husband and abide by the ruling

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of their own chariot courts, which have apparently cleared him of any

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involvement in spying. -- sharia courts. I wasn't sure what it would

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be like but I was moved today. Especially to hear the true face of

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Islam today, a peaceful religion and not what we see in the Middle East.

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Sitting individual and seeing images of him on the screen and hearing

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people talk about him, what was going through your mind? Obviously

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your mind skips back to when I did work with him and the nights I spent

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in the office talking to him. Those things come to your mind, but mainly

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just want him home. Our thoughts are with the Henning family. We hope for

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Alan's safe return. Andrew, you know the Prime Minister very well. You

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have spoken to him many times. There is room is that other countries have

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been paying up to free their people. How much do you think the Prime

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Minister will be struggling with the fact that not paying up good effect

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cost lives? This is one of the worst thing is a Prime Minister has to

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deal with. The Prime Minister has to deal with lots of tough stuff but

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this is personal and I'm sure David Cameron is sick to his stomach, and

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losing sleep, at least I hope he is. There is no harder decision. The

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French paid up again and again and other European countries have paid

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up and by paying up have strengthened this horrible

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organisation and allowed them to kill more people, of course. A

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Frenchman has just died in North Africa when the French did not pay

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up. So we all know this. The Prime Minister knows the right thing to do

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and I'm sure he is clear about that but nonetheless he must be

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absolutely sick. It is ghastly and horrible situation. We are now going

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to talk about your book and Andrew's first novel is a political

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satire in which some very dodgy dealings go on behind the door of No

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10. But he isn't the first fiction writer to poke fun at the office of

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Prime Minister. Here is Gyles remembering some of the leaders that

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have been depicted on TV and film. He met them all, you know.

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I have interviewed many prime ministers during my career, I can

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tell you. Heath, Thatcher, Blair. But there is a handful that stands

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out from the crowd. James Hacker. He had many a good idea, but when you

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look at his story you can't help feeling there was something holding

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him back. So far my premiership has been a great test. -- success.

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Indeed. And I was asking myself what I could do to continue this run of

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success. Have you considered inactivity? Hacker never seems to be

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able to get the mandarins to do what he wanted. Sir Humphrey was a prime

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example of a cabinet secretary who knew exactly how to pull the strings

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of power. And Ross Prichard, a woman, who rose from stacking

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shelves as a supermarket manager to making speeches at the dispatch box.

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Her tale is of a Prime Minister who surprised us all with some pretty

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left-field ideas. It doesn't surprise me in the least that the

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right honourable member 's opposite cannot stand the idea of having

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their lives dictated to them from somewhere like West Yorkshire. Well,

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get used to it. Some of us have had our lives dictated to us from London

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for far too long! A show of defiance from the establishment of the

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relocation of Parliament made our only other iron Lady luck like a

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fluffy bunny. The lady is not the turning. And then we had a man more

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into love than power, the most romantic Prime Minister of them

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all, David. What a performance he gave trying to juggle running the

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country along with his relationship with Natalie. It was the perfect

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portrayal of managing a very tricky political situation. And since

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bullies only respond to strength, from now on would I will be prepared

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to be much stronger. And the President should be prepared for

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that. It was the strength he displayed in another special

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relationship with the USA that won him the respect and admiration of

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his audience. A prime and I recall, who was much harder to love, was

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Francis Urquhart, a dramatic manipulative politician if ever

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there was one, someone I definitely would not want to be up on a roof

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with. It gives me such pain to say this, but I don't believe you. I

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don't believe I can trust you. Francis Urquhart was the depiction

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of ruthlessness. There we are, possibly not the prime ministers you

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thought I would be talking about, but a more entertaining bunch than

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some we have had, and something for my memoirs. I bet that never happens

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to Andrew Marr! LAUGHTER

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You have got to love Hugh Grant in Love actually as Prime Minister. Do

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you? I suppose so, it's a little bit sugary for me. Come on! At this time

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of year. You haven't seen it, you have to watch it. It is

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heart-warming stuff. Some of us have chilly hearts. Andrew, you have

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written several historical and factual books but this is the first

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foray into the world of novels. It is set in the future. Just a couple

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of years ahead, a referendum and the entire political elite is in panic

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about the outcome of a referendum we know could never happen, but it's a

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European referendum and not a Scottish referendum and there are

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all sorts of shenanigans around the Prime Minister. I think of him as a

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Tory Jim Callaghan, a little bit more experienced and dare I say it a

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little wiser than some of the politicians we have at the top at

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the moment, a hero but bad things happen to him. It is full of

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conspiracy theories. There are some secret organisations in there that

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sort of exist. You talk about these tunnels under Downing Street. How

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much truth is in this book and what do you know? I was amused that some

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critics said this was impossible and this could not happen. There is an

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organisation composed largely of ex-MI6 officers and someone who

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helped private industry, just as my organisation does. I met its

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managing director for breakfast a couple of days ago, it exists, it is

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not a figment of my imagination. There is a complicated financial lot

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in this way people try to short not one company or another but the

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entire country without going to jail and they find a way to do it and

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that is entirely possible and legal. There is a loophole in British law

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and I know that after talking to the lawyers of big banks. The tunnels

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under No 10, some of them exist. There is a tunnel underneath

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Whitehall and under the Ministry of Defence connecting to the House of

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Commons and the House of Lords. There are tunnels underneath

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Buckingham Palace and Clarence House. Whether they connect

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underneath St James' Park, as happens in my novel, I don't know.

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Did you go down into these tunnels question mark know that I have

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happened described to me very vividly. Everything else in No 10

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I've been to, the layout in the kitchen and the prime Mr's quarters

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are accurate. There are various places bodies are dragged around,

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and again it is accurate, architecturally accurate. There are

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real people mentioned. Rory Bremner. There are three categories

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of people. There are characters based on people I know, or mash ups

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of people I know, I have to be careful because some of them are

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awful and I would not want to be sued. Then there are people who are

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clearly real people and it doesn't matter because they are heroes all

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good guys. And then there is Dominic Sandbrook and then there is a few

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people. Dominic Sandbrook is a historian who wrote a nastier review

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of one of my books. LAUGHTER

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I'm not a vengeful man. Really, Andrew? It was so preposterous that

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I thought I'm going to get you for that Dominic Sandbrook and I have

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done but I won't give it all away. As he reviewed this book? I'm very

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glad you called him Daniel. He will be very angry. Sorry, Dominic. This

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review has had some of the best -- book has had some of the best

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reviews in my life and some of the West. If Dominic Sandbrook reviews

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it in the same way as everyone else he has his job cut out. How have you

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cope with those bad reviews? It is hard. It is more personal with it

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being a novel than a factual book. Absolutely and I get slightly

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deflated by the bad ones and inflated by the good ones so it is

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up and down. If they were all bad I would be nervous but there are some

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good ones. Too good and too bad so it divides people like Marmite. How

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can you know if it is good or bad, you have to go and buy it. Head of

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State, lovely black cover with a door knock on it. Irresistible.

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There you go. They say that one swallow doesn't make a summer so

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it's a good job that thousands of them arrive every spring here. You

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will see large groups of them around perched on telephone lines preparing

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to fly across the Sahara to winter in South Africa. Mike Dilger has

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found one swallow family that might be happier booking a cruise.

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The Norfolk Broads are one of the UK's most important wetlands and

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other setting of some of the voting adventures in the swallows and

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Amazons books by Arthur Ransome. But 80 years after those books were

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published, I have come to find some real-life swallows who are doing a

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bit of voting of their own. The lady and is a traditional wooden broad

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both. It is used as a tour boat, taking visitors to spot wildlife in

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these magical waterways. But for the last couple of summers, people have

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not just been watching wildlife from the boat, they have been watching

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wildlife on the boat. A family of swallows have taken up residence on

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board. If you put your head around the corner and look through this

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gap, you can see the nest. It is a mud nest, stuck to the wall. I

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concede weeks poking out. Can I look round the side? -- you can see beaks

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poking out. Fabulous, three chicks. I worried like anything about having

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them nesting on board. I thought this was not a wise place for them

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to be. As it turns out, they knew best. Last year, we had two broods

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successfully raised from that nest, and despair of swallows came along

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in the third week of May. -- this pair of swallows. I have just heard

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a buzz, which means one of the adults must have with straight in. A

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swallow uses its tail as a weather, moving it up, down and side to side

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to allow the bird to make precision movements in the air -- it uses its

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tail as a rudder. You might think that having nesting birds on board

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would be bad for business, and the Lady Ann would have to be moored

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until the chicks fledged. But these parents go where the nest goes.

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Swallows are fast flyers, capable of flapping their wings 14 times a

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second in both speed. Look at that. 400 metres away from where you more

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the boat, the birds are whizzing around, feeding and popping straight

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into the nest. Amazing. Their streamlined body shape and wings

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make them very efficient flying machines. Looping around the back of

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the boat. It is a perfect habitat when you think about it. All manner

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of aquatic insects emerge. There is so much food for them. A swallow

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chick's weight will increase tenfold in the first days of its life. The

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parents will catch around 6000 insects, who bring them out of the

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sky to feed their chicks in just one day. They are like our own bird

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protection Society, but instead of us protecting the birds, the birds

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are protecting us from the biting insects. It is a win-win situation.

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Midges and horse flies, beware. Keeping track of the boat is quite a

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feat, then these birds are built to travel. This is a species that has

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fabulous eyesight. They use visual markers to go all the way from South

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Africa to the UK commerce so suppose finding your boat is no problem. At

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first, you think, how do they put up with this moving target? But as you

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have said, they can manage coming from Africa, so they are capable of

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finding me, whether I am a mile that way or a more the other way. They

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are cool with it. Wonderful. Here they come. It is a mobile home. On

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the swallows do benefit from life on a houseboat. They are constantly

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working different areas and resources that are full of insects,

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and you are a protector as well. I am. Any predators come near this

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boat during the daytime, uncle Ross will sort them out. Ross's

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hitchhikers are a hit with the tourists as well. These are wildlife

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tours with a twist. I have seen some birds nesting in wacky places, but

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this location has to take the biscuit. They should change the name

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of this boat from the lady Ann to the swallow of the Norfolk Broads.

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From the Norfolk Broads to the north-east. This is a cardboard box

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that was in our band, and there they are. That was taken a couple of

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weeks ago -- in our band. Your mum sent back in. What would Mike Dilger

:21:10.:21:16.

said that? They are beauties, aren't they? Really amazing birds. They

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really are lovely. That is uncanny! Well, Andrew, Alistair is back on

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the sofa. We will hear some impressions from you now, following

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your brilliant Gordon Brown one. It is time for... Andrew Marr, the man

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of a thousand voices. We have set the bar high. How did it go? It is a

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very difficult thing to teach. Andrew has made improvements

:21:52.:22:00.

already. Good luck. So Andrew is going to do three voices and you

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have to guess what each one is. I have chosen a line from a Noel

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Coward song, bad times around the corner, so it does not give anything

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away. We have made it harder for you. This is the first voice you

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have to guess. There are bad times just around the corner. There are

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dark louts hurtling through the sky. -- dark clouds. Is it William Hague?

:22:25.:22:36.

It was! It was the tempo that gave it away. We worked on the tempo and

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the accent. We have not got a lot of time. Here is your second one. It is

:22:47.:22:52.

no good whining about a silver line. We know from experience. It

:22:53.:23:02.

could be Prince Charles or Boris? Or anybody. Dominic Sandbrook? Wasn't

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Prince Charles? It was. We will keep our voice down. That is Boris! What?

:23:22.:23:35.

The Mayor of London. That was the best one. Andrew, we have spoken

:23:36.:23:41.

previously about how drawing and painting have helped you cover from

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yours truly. Carrie Grant has spoken to a musician with a very similar

:23:47.:23:49.

story, but she has never met a man like him before.

:23:50.:23:56.

Sometimes a hit record takes on a life of its own, and the song

:23:57.:24:01.

becomes a far more famous theme than the singer himself.

:24:02.:24:05.

# Never known a girl like you before. Many have mistaken the voice

:24:06.:24:10.

on a girl like you for Bowie or Iggy pop, but its composer and singer

:24:11.:24:17.

Edwyn Collins just takes that as a compliment. The song he wrote 20

:24:18.:24:21.

years ago has helped him turn his life around not once, but twice, and

:24:22.:24:24.

the girl he was with when he wrote it is still very much by his side.

:24:25.:24:30.

In 2005, nearly a decade after he wrote the song, Edwyn suffered a

:24:31.:24:33.

devastating stroke, leaving him unable to walk, talk or read. His

:24:34.:24:40.

wife and manager, Grace, has been with him as he led the do it all

:24:41.:24:46.

over again. -- he learned to do it all over again. I was terrified that

:24:47.:24:51.

I was in dos Edwyn. I was hoping against hope that that would not

:24:52.:25:02.

happen --. I would lose Edwyn. My pupils were not dilating. But thanks

:25:03.:25:13.

to the intervention and the decision to operate on Edwyn, here's here. --

:25:14.:25:22.

he is here. It is testament to why it is a good idea to give something

:25:23.:25:27.

a chance, because it was the most remarkable fightback. Amazing. At

:25:28.:25:31.

the time, it looked like the end of Edwyn's long musical career, which

:25:32.:25:35.

started in the early 80s with Glasgow band Orange juice. After the

:25:36.:25:43.

band split, Edwyn worked as a solo artist and producer, building his

:25:44.:25:48.

own studio. In 1994, he wrote A Girl Like You. Was it a love song's when

:25:49.:25:54.

you wrote the song, did you want to write a song about Grace? No, it is

:25:55.:26:03.

not about me. No. It is an imaginary girl, I suppose.

:26:04.:26:08.

# There's too many protest singers, not enough protest songs. I love

:26:09.:26:15.

that line. It is so contrary to the rest of the lyric. And it is

:26:16.:26:20.

suddenly stuck in there. I am making a statement, making an attitude and

:26:21.:26:29.

making a point. It was a time in his life when he felt he had something

:26:30.:26:32.

to say about the music business and what people's attitudes were. He

:26:33.:26:36.

liked to mess with people's minds. Did I? Part of the appeal of the

:26:37.:26:43.

song is its distinctive, dirty sound, created with the very best of

:26:44.:26:49.

old and new technology. This little orange box from the 1960s made all

:26:50.:26:53.

the difference. Without it, it would sound like this. And with it...

:26:54.:27:13.

Yeah, that is dirty. # I've never met a girl like you

:27:14.:27:18.

before. A Girl Like You was a hit right across the world, selling more

:27:19.:27:24.

than 5 million copies on the way, a phenomenal success they have had to

:27:25.:27:28.

lean on heavily to fund Edwyn's recovery. How important was it for

:27:29.:27:32.

you to be able to sing again? Very important. Grace told me to get on

:27:33.:27:48.

with things, my singing. She harassed me. Over and over again,

:27:49.:27:56.

practice. # I've never met a girl like you

:27:57.:28:01.

before. It was not a gift, it was hard work.

:28:02.:28:08.

Why do you think A Girl Like You was such a big hit? It is catchy. It is

:28:09.:28:15.

more famous than you, don't you think? , and, Grace. Sorry, Edwyn

:28:16.:28:23.

full of -- come on, Grace. Thanks to Edwyn and his wife.

:28:24.:28:26.

Andrew, you empathise. That is really moving. A beautiful bit of

:28:27.:28:31.

film, and the fact that he is carrying on and still going

:28:32.:28:36.

forward. I was lucky that I did not lose my voice, but for a singer to

:28:37.:28:39.

be in that position and come back is astonishing. That is when you see

:28:40.:28:44.

what people are really like. What a night we have had. It is all we have

:28:45.:28:49.

time for. Andrew's new book Head Of State is out now. Alistair, thank

:28:50.:28:54.

you. I will be watching Andrew's develop that as an impressionist

:28:55.:28:57.

within the restful but tomorrow, join me and Chris and Danny Baker.

:28:58.:29:01.

See you then.

:29:02.:29:03.

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