28/03/2014 The One Show

the stroke of midnight! Very exciting!

Plus a very, very funny guest, who we'll have longer to talk to about

his brand new stand-up tour the quicker he gets us to the studio!

Wagons roll, my friend! Come on! Hello and welcome to The One Show,

with Alex Jones. And Evans.

Plus our special guest, Alan Davies! How you feeling? You

fibber! So, if you are going to get married to a man? I can't have

someone tarring over me, so I would want someone small. Probably a

jockey. He is the third one. Motorcyclists. They are little. Dani

Pedrosa, Valentino Rossi. We getting names! And that bloke who placed

Thor. He's gorgeous. If I was going to have babies with them, it would

be Robert Downey Junior. For companionship, Jules Holland. I

wouldn't have babies with Robert Downey Junior. He seems flighty. As

reliable as your... ? Anyway! I can't believe that you scale that

rock for sport relief, I know it is old news, but it is the first time

we have seen each other. APPLAUSE

And millions of superwomen who you will have bought gifts for by now

ahead of Mothering Sunday. Yes. But first, lots of mums owe a

lot to Ada Maguire. I have come to Nottingham city Hospital to meet a

lady called Ada Maguire. She is a nurse with 40 years' service saving

lives in the neonatal unit. Tomorrow, she will work a shift for

the very last time. In 1974, she started on the low

dependency unit as a nursery nurse, caring for sickly newborns. When the

hospital phased out the nursery nurse position in 1988, she

successfully qualified as a registered general nurse in order to

carry on doing the job she loved. Tomorrow, you will work your final

shift here. Has it sunk in? It hasn't. It doesn't feel quite real.

But after 40 years, I am finishing. Mixed emotions? Absolutely. Did you

think you would end up staying for 40 years. I didn't think I would end

up managing the unit, because as a nursery nurse, that didn't seem

likely. What you love about it? The babies, the people. It looks very

snug in there, very cosy. Every year, the unit sees nearly 600

babies pass through its wards, from full-term newborns with problems at

birth as well as premature babies. Being a reward system means Ada is

responsible for coordinating the entire operation. You save babies

lives. These babies wouldn't survive without us. Babies at 24 weeks

didn't even come here when I started, because there was nothing

we could offer them. The technology has changed hugely.

Nothing fazes her. I can think of the drama is that we have had here.

She knows everything will be all right. You have to want to do this.

You couldn't do this just because it is a job. She is a really good

manager and we will miss her a lot. You have to be compassionate and

caring and go the extra mile for these families, because they deserve

it. There is that in eight quality in some people. Started her nurse

training in 1989. She was lovely from the start. She will be missed

by a lot of people when she leaves. And what was that about? Just seeing

Ada interact with the mothers and the babies, she is a real natural.

She remembers us, and she remembers the children, remembers how they

were. The staff here do such an amazing job. She really is a very

nice lady, and a very good nurse. As a mother to two boys herself, and a

grandmother to eight, Ada will now finally have the time to devote to

them after 40 years of caring for other people's. What has the last 40

years meant you? It has been a huge journey, and for my own career

development, it has been fabulous. It is moments like these that are

just memories. This is what it is about, letting them go home to their

families. From the short amount of time I have

spent with Ada, it is clear to see she is an amazing woman with such a

big heart. This time tomorrow, her work will be done. It will be a sad

day for Nottingham and also for nursing. But something tells me she

will find it very difficult to keep away from these gorgeous little

babies. And how emotional did she get during

the filming? They said, not at all, but looking at that back, it is a

lot to take. All babies are special, but there must have been some extra

special ones. The smallest one we had was 420 grams when she was

born, about 12 weeks early. She went home after about 12 weeks. She was

fit and well. That was in the early 1990s. The problems you have with

those early babies are there feeding, and breathing. As you can

see, Riley is next to me. I think he will be fine. And Kayleigh, Ada was

brilliant when you delivered Riley. He wasn't premature, he was term. He

weighed 12lbs. Ada went out of her way to make sure that he could get

home for Christmas. And you have a message to Ada from the people on

the ward. Everyone would like to say thank you so much for all the hard

work you have done over the years and saving our babies' lives.

APPLAUSE Obviously you will miss it like

nothing else. Was it a vocation? I did nursery

nurse training when I was 18, and then saw this advertised and went

for it. And what will you do now? I am going to make jam and chutney.

Then you can stay! We will have you next week. And I hope to join the

quality care commission. Well, on it is Mother's Day, and you are super

mother. Here you are. And they are not from a garage!

That was the best we could do in central London.

Reilly, give those to mummy. Thank you, Kayleigh, Riley and a

round of applause for Ada. And now to Alan.

So Alan hits the road on his new UK tour next month. And if you've never

seen him live, here's what you can expect.

Our primary school didn't have a uniform. But my father thought it

ought to. So he went and bought two school uniforms, completely

misunderstanding the concept of uniformity, in my view!

Dressed us up, little black shoes, black trousers, grey shirt, short

back and sides. We looked like rejects from Lord of the flies. And

he sent us into a 1970s playground with corduroy and big collars,

platforms. And there we are, waiting for the college to come round so we

can join in the conversation. APPLAUSE

So the new tour Little Victories starts in under a week.

That you have road-tested it in Australia. Yes, it has been good

fun. And now I am starting next Thursday in Reading and going up to

Scotland in April, doing some date in April, and then a full tour in

the autumn. What's the connection between the title and your dad's

refusal to eat jam? He wouldn't eat blackcurrant jam, but he would eat

all the others. Strawbridge am is the king. Raspberry jam is the

back-up. And then you have some novelty jam, apricots. But he won't

eat blackcurrant. I agree with him. It's got bits in it. I like the

bits. I had to lay an elaborate trap to force him to eat it and admit he

liked it. And that was the little victory? You tap away at the little

ones, and one day you get a big one! They are tumour litigious.

We hear about you writing observations down on your phone.

Most of my notes are things like this. No, I can't say that.

My little girl had learned how to pray at nursery school, and she was

like this at the bed. And she said, why can you not understand that I

need to tap shoes? Amen! So how has being older and a parent nfluenced

your stand-up? When you get a bit older, you need to have a point of

view. My dad is not that well at the moment, I lost my mum when I was a

kid. There are things that I might have found tricky to talk about when

I was younger, but now I find it easier to touch on those things, and

they resonate a bit more with the audience. I have children. But there

is still a fair amount of scatological nonsense. You may well

have age chronologically, but not as far as looks are concerned. Look at

that. That is 20 years ago. The differences now I can't actually see

that picture. Let's have another look at it. What is going on? That

was a Radio 1 publicity shot. It was probably taken in this building. You

look a little bit pale birth. Radio, you see.

You put your passion for being on stage to having a big ego. It is

more that you talk about yourself a lot, or I do. My stand-up is quite

autobiographical. And to get the material, you have to think about

yourself for months. So it is quite narcissistic. But you are trying to

find stories that resonate with an audience, so you are not entirely

self obsessed. But it is a good job to choose if you are. Can you do

impressions? Alex can do an amazing impression, and it only involves one

word, but see if you can guess. Millionaire! It's Sandi Toksvig. Is

it? LAUGHTER

We want the country's most talented amateur impressionists to come to

our studios next Tuesday to be judged by Rob Brydon.

E-mail your clips to the usual address. My grandmother can do a

goat. But can she do an impression? Now, it's not often in life things

start to get cheaper. But can they get too cheap? Here's Jay with what

could be the beginnings of a very dangerous price war.

We all know that food prices have gone up over the years, but by how

much? I have been taking a little trip down memory lane to 1987. Back

then, a Mars bar was 20p. Today it is 60p. A pint of beer to wash them

down was 80p, and now it is ?3. But a pint of milk currently costs

25p, the same as it did in 1980 Evan, almost 30 years ago.

This is the result of a war on the price of milk, with the supermarkets

selling four pints of milk for a pound. We all love a bargain, but

can this really be a good Farmers probably don't like it but I

am sure people who are buying it do. I just pay what it is. I don't think

about it, to be honest. I know they are trying to get people into shops

buying it but I worry about the farmers, and do they get the money

they deserve for producing this note? Indeed many of the dairy

farmers are seriously worried their product is being sold too cheaply.

Derek has a herd of 300 milking cattle in Berkshire. So, have a look

at this. What you make of that ad? Yes, it is not something you would

want to see, the price of milk coming down, over your breakfast.

Historically it does come back to the farm gate and it does have an

affect on the farm gate price. This is the average price farmers get for

their milk regardless of where it ends up. It is currently just under

34p per litre but according to the National Farmers' Union, the cost of

producing a litre of milk is at least 30p, leaving a very tight

profit margin. The price of milk comes down, it has a huge affect on

our business. A penny on a litre of milk costs us a lot of money in a

year. My son has joined the business and I would like to think that he

will be here for a long, long time. However, if the price of milk

crashes, agriculture, as a business, if it doesn't pay, it will go. If

the supermarkets are willing to pay fair, where is the problem? Well,

the National Farmers' Union says it is unsustainable and devalues a very

important product, risking the industry as a whole. Smaller

retailers are all -- also feeling the pressure. Peter works in this

village shop with two of the major supermarkets within a drive. Let's

have a look. This is a two litre bottle. The equivalent of four

points. How much does it cost you to buy this? That costs us ?1.79. So

there is no way you could sell this for a quid? No way. Because we need

a margin to pay our expenses. 70% of all the milk produced in the UK is

sold in the supermarkets. Sainsbury's has joined the price war

and is also selling four points for a pound. Our job is mainly to be

competitive for our customers. So the key items in their baskets, the

staples, bread, eggs, milk, are very, very important and it is

important we remain competitive on those products. But is ?1 for four

points sustainable in the long-term? I cannot answer that question but I

know that our farmers, they are still getting paid what they have

always been paid so for them it is sustainable. You think others in the

wider dairy industry are being alarmist when they say this price

war is potentially damaging going forwards? Those Derry farmers who

aren't in long-term contracts and are not protected by the cost of

production model, then clearly that market for them in the price of milk

is more volatile. -- dairy farmers. Well the supermarkets are adamant

the price cut won't affect farmers, many are uncertain about the times

ahead. The question is, how much do we value our milk?

It is all about the milk. What is the breaking news? The price war is

getting more intense. Aldi has cut to 79p. And you can get 24 pint

bottles for ?1 something. Marks Spencer is not doing it, Waitrose

are not doing it but they for their loyalty cardholders. A small

supermarket chain, Booth, in the north-west, is not getting involved

in the price war. Lots of viewers will want to be on the side of the

farmers because this is a really difficult time for them, so what can

we do if we do value our milk? It is about consumer power. If you think

?1 is too cheap for milk, don't buy it. You will find other brands which

will cost more you go to small local shops or the supermarkets not

selling at that price. At the moment, the supermarkets are not

passing on the price cut to the farmers. But we are undermining the

sense of value of milk in the consumer's mind and they will get

used to the idea it should be that cheap, and then eventually, price

cuts will be forced on them. And we should all look out for the Red

Tractor logo? Yes. It indicates it is from assured farms. They tend to

be British. One dairy farmer is going out of business a day. That is

why it matters. If we carry on paying too little for our milk, all

of our food, then the agricultural base in this country will be

undermined. So if you don't want to see that happen, you have to be

prepared to pay a bit more for your food. And we did a survey down on

the Piazza... It was very scientific! I asked them. Look,

there they are. What was the outcome? The outcome was that nobody

knew. Two people thought it was 24, 20 5p a point. It went up to ?1.10.

-- 25p per pint. But outside here, outside the BBC, probably full of

newsreaders. Tonight we are celebrating without same-sex couples

who are about to get married, as they can from midnight to night for

the first time ever in the UK. So, Alan, and Jamie, you have your

names. Let's sing. # Love and marriage

# Go together like a horse and carriage. Keep on singing! Here is

Gyles. Frank Sinatra began his career with

an orchestra but in 1942, his decision to go solo made him a star

and within a year his unrivalled popularity in performances one --

won him a movie deal and he was one of the biggest stars in Hollywood by

1955. My name is Frank Sinatra. What?! Oh! So, why was it that he

played to theatres when he came to Britain that were all but empty? One

was here in Birmingham, the Hippodrome. Roy Edwards, who was

just 20 at the time, was here to see his idol perform. I bought a

ticket, which was unusual. But I thought, I had better get a ticket

because Frank Sinatra, such a big star. Came into the theatre and I

couldn't believe how few people were here! Down in the front stalls,

there was nobody sitting there at all. So what happened when the great

man came on? He looked across the auditorium and put his hand to his

forehead, and said, is anybody out there? We gathered at the front

rows, the front of the stage. I think you sign Whole Man River. It

was a big thing to see Frank. It is hard to describe what it was like to

see somebody like that. So what had gone so terribly wrong?

The answer may lie in Frank Sinatra's personal life. Just two

years previously, you divorced his first wife for more than ten years

to marry his second, Ava Gardner, one of the biggest stars in

Hollywood. She herself was twice divorced. Their marriage caused

headlines around the world but in the moderately -- morally rigid 50s,

Frank Sinatra became a pariah. Attitudes towards divorce were very

negative to say the least. And people who are divorced were

therefore seen as different, as deviant in lots of ways. And there

was a lot of stigma attached to divorce as well. Because of course,

divorce is seen as something about unthreatening to the family, and yet

there was a sense that it was becoming a bit fashionable. So a big

star like Frank Sinatra leaving his wife and children and marrying

somebody who was a double divorcee, my! There would have been very mixed

feelings about stars who were getting divorced and remarried and

apparently so easily because of the fear that could spread to ordinary

people. In fact, 1953 marked the lowest point in Frank Sinatra's

career. His records when selling, his TV show had been cancelled and

he made his first suicide attempt. His UK tour was supposed to put him

back on his feet but it did nothing of the sort. After playing to a half

empty house at the Hippodrome, Sinatra could be forgiven for

seeking the solace of a quiet drink in the pub. But for at least one

fan, his private life didn't matter. A friend of mine, we went down for a

drink in the pub. And somebody said, Frank Sinatra has just come in. We

were totally amazed that he was in the same pub as we were! It is not

what one expects in a Birmingham pub? No, to see Frank Sinatra, and

in the same establishment, to be in the same one as Mr Sinatra. And

having spent that money on the seats, you didn't have the money to

buy him a drink, did you? But there was to be a dramatic turnaround in

sonata's fortunes. Earlier that year he had played a supporting role in

From Here To Eternity. Attitudes to divorce softened later and his star

never waned again. Sinatra, we all thought we knew him. He was the

voice, the chairman, and old blue eyes all rolled into one. But a few

months back in the early 1950s in Britain, he was just a man putting

on a brave face as he sang this song.

# When you are smiling # Keep on smiling

# The whole world smiles with you. Thank you, Gyles! And nothing wrong

with a healthy divorce! Or two! So a view of Frank's marriages ended in

divorce but tonight we are celebrating couples getting married

very shortly. First, how about Mrs and Mrs Smith? Good evening, ladies.

All very exciting. You didn't like each other at first, did you? No, I

thought she was very quiet and never responded me -- to me time to get to

know her. And I was rather brash! But she loves that about me now! So

it is all going to kick off properly? Yes, for 15 PM at the

library. Now, due to believe you were the first to register married

in the UK. -- you two believe. Why was it so important? Well, first it

was important they got my name right. James! Did I say Sian?!

Sorry! Well, it was the fact that marriage was being put into place

and the meaning behind the word means a lot more than partnership.

Hello. How are you doing? It was going to be a civil partnership but

that has changed. Yes, we decided as soon as we could get married we

strip -- we changed it straightaway. Who will be walking down the aisle?

With you? I have my son. You are going to get married at midnight

tonight. They are in their outfits already. What is going to happen

between now and midnight, Sinclair? We are going to go back home, get a

drink, throw out clothes back on and head straight to the venue. Best of

luck! What a night! Congratulations! That is it for tonight. Alan Maclean

is in the rickshaw. -- Alan is in the rickshaw. You can see him in his

Little Victories tour from May. We have a ending chorus with Get Me To

The Church On Time. # I'm Getting Married In The Morning

# Ding-dong, The Bells Are Going To Chime