29/11/2017 The One Show

Hello and welcome to

The One Show with Alex Jones...

..And Matt Baker.

Tonight, we've got two

powerful voices on the sofa.

One is a classical baritone ex-choir

boy, the other is a soul singer

who won The X Factor.

And is now on Strictly hoping to do

the talent show double.

I tell you what, it's

going to be confusing

in here because there are three

Alex's - Alex Jones,

Alexander Armstrong

and Alexandra Burke!

APPLAUSE.

What shall we do. I can be Jonesy.

Did you have nicknames at school?

Mine was Paddy because I'm half

Irish.

Mine was Tiger, I can't sit

still.

It's ideal.

On the name theme. There has been

confusion and talk actually about

the weekend. Did you or did you not

call Shirley Arlene? Let's have a

look at it first. Here's the reply.

See what you think.

You're a great

performer. You'll come back strong.

.

Thank you, thank you very much.

I

heard Shirley.

We should slo-mo it

down.

We did.

It's Shirley. I don't

know where it game from. I did laugh

when I read it because I was like -

I would never call her Arlene! It's

career suicide to call someone else

a different name. I wouldn't do

that.

Career suicide.

That would

just be terrible.

I mean it does

happen.

Has it happened? Oh, no.

Has

it happened? Many times. This is

what happened when Nick Robinson

came on. I nearly said it wrong

then.

Thank you very much. Ric

Nobinson... What? !

It can cotton

on.

How did you hold it together

after that?

I didn't.

It's a common

occurrence.

You can cover it up. You

are a professional.

Lots of music and dancing news to

get through with Xander and

Alexandra later. Plus it's almost

December and that means it's almost

the panto season.

Oh, no, it isn't!

Tonight we're celebrating

pantos big and small,

especially the keen amateurs

performing in village

halls and community

theatres all over the UK.

Very keen amateurs.

They look great.

We'll be helping some amateur panto

newbies by putting them together

with the best in the business.

Here's our our panto correspondent,

Matt Allwright, to explain.

Yes I am all right. That has the

panto joke that has people coming

through the doors in their millions.

Three million saw pantos last year

spending £60 million. The top three

are Aladdin, Cinderella and Snow

White. Tonight we make sure those

pantos are top quality where ever

you see them. We are holding a Panto

Masterclass.

Yes.

We are introducing

first time Dames, villains and

livestock to the pros that knows how

it goes. Some really old hands.

Excuse me, love, you say I was an

old hand.

You are not in the first

flush of youth, are you?

I'm 22

years of age.

This could go on for

some time.

How rude!

We also want to help pack as many

seats for you as possible.

These are rehearse al pictures, they

are practicing outside.

So if rehearsals are well under way,

send us a photo of the cast and let

the nation know about your show.

Thank you.

Let's park panto for the moment

and focus on the incredible

transformation of an old ship that's

been rescued from the scrap

yard to save lives.

Dr Sal went aboard before it set off

on its journey across the Atlantic.

The dense Amazon rainforest is home

to some of the world's most remote

communities. For some, getting to

see a doctor means travelling for an

entire day or more. Bihar

necessarying the river medics in the

UK are taking healthcare to them.

I've worked on many humanitarian

missions and delivered aid as an

emergency medicine doctor, but this,

as a venture, is truly

inspirational. This is the Forth

Hope, it's the latest edition to a

small fleet of floating hospitals

run by a charity in Scotland. Since

2001, they have been taking vital

healthcare into the jungle Bihar

necessarying local boat building

skills here in Britain. When it's

ready, it will make the perilous

5,000 mile journey across the

Atlantic Ocean to South America. By

the end of the year it will be sail

down the mighty Amazon River

delivering much needed medical aid

to 200 local villages in Peru. If it

being loos like an ordinary

passenger ferry, that's because it

was. Originally designed to serve

Portsmouth the ferry was cancelled

and never used and was bought by the

charity in 2015. Turning public

transport into a hospital meant an

entire refit. It started in Bristol.

The bough was cut away and replaced

with one able to journey across the

rough Atlantic Ocean. It was painted

before sailing over 400 miles to

Rosyth, were work began transforming

the interior into a medical ship.

It's the vision of naval architect,

Robert Marshal.

Three doctors will

be working here with nurses at any

one time. Next door we have a dent

al surgery with two dentists and

forward of that there is an

operating theatre.

The new

facilities will double the amount of

people medics can treat each year.

The other ships have been much

smaller and they were quite cramped.

It was difficult to shoehorn

facilities into those ships. This

was a complete change for us.

I'm

really impressed by what I've seen

here. They have managed to fit in so

much into a small space. It's like a

medical tardis. Using the facilities

will be a team of 18 doctors,

dentists and nurses, including dent

al nurse Shona Mayson.

This is going

to be my workplace. To have a

purposefully designed interior of a

ship. It's brand new equipment that

has been donated. It will be amazing

to work on.

What complaints do the

healthcare teams see?

Skin and

respiratory problems. Lots of

parasite incompetent festations.

That is common.

What are you seeing?

The elderly population their dent al

health isn't too bad because the

diet was good. They don't have

access to what we have. They can't

get a tooth brush or toothpaste.

This is her 15 trip and she has seen

from the very first what a

difference it can make.

I first went

out in 2006. I turned up op that

first ship and the dent al surgery

on that ship was quite basic. I

worked in the dent al school in

Dundee were everything is fantastic.

I looked at the surgeon and thought

- what have I done. What will I do

here? You get on with the work. A

few days into the trip I had been

taking teeth out and I saw the girl

in a canoe who turned and smiled and

wave. I thought if a 10-year-old

girl can wave when you have taken

out two of her teeth, then it's a

worthwhile project.

At the Helm of

this entire venture is Reverend

McPherson.

It isn't about people

from overseas going to Peru to tell

them how to do it. Our volunteers

work under their authority to make

it a reality. These are journeys of

a lifetime that the people who go on

them never forget about. I had a

doctor who came back, maybe 18

months ago, sent me a letter saying

- I've been a GP for 23 years,

somewhere along the line I lost my

heart, thanks for reminding me why

I'm a doctor.

The most wonderful sentiment to

finish on.

The best line any of our

films have finished on, I think.

Dr

Sal you can relate to that?

I saw

that and my heart went - yes, I get

that. I so get that. I loved making

that film.

You filmed it a while

ago.

Yeah.

There has been progress

since. Bring us up-to-date?

So. That

ship, since I last saw it in July,

it's travelled 5,000 miles from

Rosyth to South America. It went

along the Amazon River for another

2,000 miles. It got to Iquitos. Its

fine al destination. It's taken 43

days. Good stats. It was 6793 days.

Straight to work on the 15th,

wasting no time whatsoever.

It

treated 15,000 patients?

Yes since

mid-September. Wasting no time

whatsoever. 15,000 consultations.

It's set to reach 25,000 by the end

of the year. That's 25,000 people

that wouldn't have had access to the

kind of healthcare this ship is

providing.

It's not just beneficial

for the patients, is it, for you as

volunteers you gain a lot from going

out and helping?

Absolutely. I have

been a doctor now for 11 years and

my whole career has been split up

into humanitarian work. I've worked

in Palestine, Libya and Syria. Every

time I go, I feel I gain so much

more than I'm actually physically

able to give. Again, like Willie

said, it reminds us why we became

doctors in the first place. You do

need that. We work in the NHS avend

all the challenges we are facing.

You go away to somewhere like

Iquitos or wherever and you are

reminded of the amazing place we

work within the NHS. It makes me

feel even more passionate about

really advocating what we have here,

this absolute precious can mod di,

the NHS, that not everyone has

access to. I feel ever so proud of.

It I really, really do. It just

makes me more determined to fight to

protect.

The practical benefits as

well of what you are learning from

the kind of treatments that are in

these remote place are beneficial.

I

have to mention some of the amazing

and practical stuff that people are

bringing back. There is a surgeon

from Northumbria, Mr Liam Horgan. He

goes to Tanzania every year. He has

been doing it for 14 years. Let me

add, many people are self-funding or

giving up their holidays to do it

within the NHS. He discovered this

cheap way of repairing hernias. When

you have a hernia operation, you

need mesh to fix it. It costs £100.

He has found a way that is inspired

by malaria nets that have been

modified to be able to be used as

mesh repairs for hernias which cost

one cent. That is pennies. Less than

pennies.

Wow.

He is, woing to bring

to the NHS eventually, if he can get

approve al. Not only is he helping

others, he is finding cheaper ways

to bring something back that we can

use in the NHS.

Brilliant. Thank you

Dr Sal.

Thank you.

Time to get an early start

on the festive spirit because Xander

has a new Christmas album,

and you've never seen a man so happy

to be in a winter wonderland.

# Here to stay is the new bird

# He sings a love song

# As we go along

# Walking in a Winter Wonder land...

#.

APPLAUSE

You have the decorations up at home

then!

We are enjoying the stubble

there.

I can't have that on

Pointless.

In A Winter Light is the

name of a of the album. Beautiful.

You have a couple of originals on it

and classics. How did you choose

them? There is massive of choice

isn't there? How did you think,

these are the ones I want to

include?

I felt strongly we had to

have my favourite music in it. There

were so many different things we

love about Christmas. We love

ancient music and carols. We lied

old medieval characters and high

Victorian Carrolls and the Binge

element of Christmas. I wanted to

have an album that had everything I

loved. I listened and listened. My

playlist got shorter and shorter

when I thought - we will keep this

in. It's hard to decide what should

stay.

What time of year were you

doing the listening, was that weird?

I started Christmas time last year.

Last year we started. Inevitably we

recorded... When we film Pointless

specials we film on the hottest day

of the year. It's how it is.

In your

Christmas jumper?

If you are lucky.

I was five tonnes of wool and a big

beard. We recorded through the

summer. I think there is something

particular about Christmas music. We

take it to our hearts more than any

other kind, I think.

We love them because they are

Christmas songs. ? You have had a go

at writing? I have. There are a

couple of my own songs.

Is this

something you have have written

since the album came out or

something you have always done?

I

have written them since I was about

11. When I did Armstrong and Miller

I wrote loads of comedy song, we

used to do a couple of characters

who were like Flanders and Swan.

That was an outlet for me to chuck

some music down. I have always

written.

With the perfect Christmas

song in your eyes then, because you

have, you haven't gone down the

route of the bells.

I haven't. I

should have been thinking what about

the perfect ingredients are, the

chief one is you have to go a bit

that goes... And then you have a key

change.

So that is not on it.

Did I

do any of that? No. A massive

oversight there. I wonder if we

co-go back and amend them.

There

will be a second album next

Christmas, surely. We are talking

Christmas number ones here.

That was

a special moment in my life, to be

fair.

I was there when you won.

Were

you there? Oh my gosh. That whole

night it is nine years and I feel,

it feels like, it was nine year, it

feels like it was yesterday, I don't

know where nine years have gone. I

still love performing hallelujah, I

say please can I sing that song

because I love it so much.

And you

two are performing at the Royal

Albert Hall?

Yes.

You have to pick

your favourite festive song

I would

go for Last Christmas or Driving

Home For Christmas I don't think I

can sing it but I love listening to

that song. But simply because it was

always the song, when we were

working round Christmas, my mum

worked round Christmas, that is the

song we played going home and it

remind me of a kid driving home with

my mum and my family. Getting ready

to eat loads of food.

There are

sleigh bells in that one.

You like

your Chris Rea.

What are you going

dob doing?

Winter Wonderland. I am

performing with a phenomenal band.

Probably our best big band. They are

great.

Big production then.

I know.

Huge.

Very special. I can't wait.

It

is going to be such fun.

Now, Alexandra we'll be

talking Strictly shortly,

but our next film has

all the ingredients

you'll recognise.

A line of contestants,

a panel of judges and

a rock hard competition.

We'll let Iwan fill you in.

Pothole, they are uncomfortable,

annoying and a bit dangerous. But

they are also big business for the

people that fill them in. With

council spending millions every

year. Different filling machines

must battle it out for a slice of

the action. So today, we are going

to put three of them to the test. We

have created an asphalt assault

course. A trial of the tarmac.

To see who can beat the bitumen and

rescue our roads. We are testing

these machines on speed, cost and

effectiveness. Welcome to The One

Show's Pothole Wars.

First up, multi-hog. Built in

Ireland this zippy piste can grit

roads, plough snow and help fix

potholes. Next from Warwickshire,

this van contained the fire

breathing thermal repair machine

called New Fault and velocity patch

e manufactured in Sunderland it has

been round for 20 year, how will the

new machines stand up to the

grandfather of pothole repairs? To

judge them, we have assembled a

panel of three pothole experts.

Vince Crane.

We are looking for a

durable repair that is quick and

easy.

Victoria Hazel from cycle UK.

If you are in a car you might have

an expensive trip to the garage. If

you are on a bike that will be a

trip to the hospital if you come

off.

And Keith Jones the director of

civil engineers in Wales.

It is

efficient, reliable, is it

sustainable, long last something

Three panel members. Three machines.

Three potholes of equal size and

depth. A level playing field if you

will. Panel, are you ready?

Yes.

Machines are you ready? Let the poll

hole wars commence.

First Up Multi-hog a good pothole

repair should be quick, cost

effective and comprehensive, no

cracks and a smooth surface left

behind. The Multi-hog digs up the

road first to remove underlying

problems and then three other

machines arrive to complete a better

repair. Pothole one complete pleat,

13 minute, rough cost £16. Not bad.

New Fault turns up the heat.

They

just made it hot.

The road surface is melted before

adding a new material to help create

a seamless repair.

I am impressed

there is only two guys.

This took 24

minutes and cost £27. Finally

velocity, water proof layer is laid

down first then a new mixture is

fired on top at high speed.

You

wouldn't be keen on that if your car

was parked along.

They have good

afternoon going for less than a

minute and that is nearly half done.

Unbelievable.

It doesn't mean it is

doing a good job even though it is

quick.

They could have done this in

the time they did that.

We do 200 a

day.

It takes eight minutes to fill

this and the cost £12.

I think we know why they have chosen

the name.

The judges must pick a

winner. But here at Nottingham

University this man thinks he has

got way of making potholes fix

themselves, inspired by some

chemistry.

One day we were looking

at MasterChef, they were using this

technique, I thought it may work for

the asphalt.

It releases oil when

the surface breaks from weathering

or traffic. The oil softens the road

surface and the road smooths itself

out before resetting.

Every cack

that happens, it heals so the road

will repair by itself.

Time for a

test. Let us see this broken high

way will heal itself.

Put it back

together.

Over 24 hours you can

start to see the oil dissolving the

material. That is the future, but

what is the best option for now? I

would love to hear your vies on who

you thought did the best job.

In

terms of the efficient sustainable

way, the winner for me is velocity.

The you can find the chippest

quicker way for me velocity is the

one.

It was a good battle but there

can only be one winner Velocity.

Huge congratulations to the winner

there.

Indeed. It is like Sunday night. The

pressure was on there. But,

Alexandra, you are saying your car

is damaged.

I had really bad

accident with one of nose little

pothole things and it wasn't great

at all. Really bad. They are quite

dangerous and I am thankful. Said to

my dad, I was upset, I said maybe it

was a blessing I went in first to

make sure I could take the hit

because I saw it last minute and

just swerved but my car was gone,

because of it. Absolutely gone.

Really bad and I am grateful that

nothing bad happened to anybody

else.

We are going to segway from potholes

to Strictly next.

You were second on the leader board,

what happened?

I don't know know, I

don't really know, I know I felt in

my gut we were going to be in the

bottom two, I said it from the

morning.

Why?

Because the hum bah is

such a slow dance, -- rumba, I am

not sure it connected well with the

public, who knows? I was so nervous,

maybe I showed them too much, I

think I did. I showed it to the

judges too much. It is notoriously

known to be a hard dance for the

female celebs and I know that for a

fact now.

So what is next?

Charleston. Charleston is next.

Musical week.

Musicals week. I am so

excited. A love a musical.

It is out

there isn't it what you are doing.

You can say of course. Mary Poppins,

I can't wait. I have a hat and

everything. So I am really excited.

You have got Gorka to thank for your

progress so far.

Yes.

Where is he?

APPLAUSE

He is so cute.

Let us have a look at

some of your best dances so far.

Thank you.

It is the sensuality, it was so

passionate.

Just thinking is there nothing you

can't do.

I had the honour to work

with Tina Turner, tonight you

captured the quality and I am sure

she would have loved to watch that.

Thank you.

To hear Bruno talking, the level you

are at is absolutely, I mean it is

superb, Gorka, where does Alexandra

go from here?

I don't know, what

else can she do to impress the

judges, myself, because from day one

she has been like 100% commitment

with the dance and the couple. I am

so proud. It makes me job so easy.

She gets better and better.

He is an

amazing teacher.

But you have to

work hard.

We do ten hours a day and

try our best to stay dedicated to

it, because you can get tired

quickly, we are both exhausted but

we have the best time and the fun

part, completely takes the

exhaustion out of the way, you don't

think about how tired because you

are having fun. I look forward to

being with him every day and

learning something new. It is great.

Really good fun.

There is a bit of

controversy on Strictly about well,

so-and-so they are performer, I am

sure you have had a bit of that.

I

have had a lot of that.

Does it put,

you know, how do you feel, is it

extra pressure, is it a good

pressure, do you feel more

comfortable, I am sure you do but

maybe extra nerves.

It brings extra

nerves for sure, talking about it

now I have sweaty pan, it is

ridiculous, people think because I

is have done a musical they think I

am trained. I have never done any

training in my life. This is all new

to me, I won't lie, I'm a quick

learner, I pick up things quickly,

do they stay in the brain? Sometimes

not so much. That is a problem.

What

I often think gets missed is the

difficulty level of the routine. It

is fair enough to say you know, yeah

you have danced before, but the

level of the routine you are doing

is in a different league.

She

doesn't have a lot of time. It is

only three day, Monday is half day

and then we have Tuesday, Wednesday,

Thursday, just to practise, so it is

intense.

You been working on your

Cockney accent for this? There is

one question I wanted to ask you,

what, what song are you dancing to?

Only you are allowed to answer this?

In Spanish or English?

Both...

Superical fragile less tick.

You can

see how they do it on Saturday, good

luck both. It is funny because I saw

Anton and Brendan driving round the

studio, they wanted to come and see

you, but, the sign outside says

Strictly no parking! On that note,

we are celebrating pantoes across

the country.

Clarissa is directing a panto, it is

beauty and the beast. We have gone

all royal with this one. Look at

this. Prince Charles. And Camilla,

they were in Stoke putting on, this

has come from Amy. Thank you. Keep

them coming, The One Show. We will

show some more a bit

We will show some

We're also helping out some nervous

panto first timers by getting them

some advice from the pros.

First up, Dame Academy,

where Matt Allwright is right now.

later. Welcome to Dame Academy.

There is nothing like a Dame. That

is correct. Thank you very much.

Correct because of course, the Dame

is the heart of a panto, not to

mention the cleavage and the frilly

nicker and we have a Dame of 19

years standing Michael Bachelor, you

are Molly Mop.

Yes this year I am

Molly Mop in Snow White where I am

resident.

You are a year round Dame

I work for Butlins and I write and

help produce their pantomime that

runs all year, so I am a

professional fat bloke in a dress.

You certainly are. We have a few

amateur fat gentlemen in dresses who

would love to get your advice. We

are going to start with Wally.

Balotelli, you are at new Elton in

the Loch Ness panto king Duncan, you

are not from Scotland I am thinking,

what is your character?

I am lady

Natalie West Banco.

What can Michael

help with you?

An accept and the

voice. So Scottish, only the Dame

needs to have a Scottish accent.

We

will bank that. Shane, you look

absolutely resplendent. You in

theionibly sowion byness. Shane

stepped in for somebody else who

couldn't do it. He is directing as

well. He is a cabinet maker, Jane,

what is your concern with the panto?

My concern is body language and how

to come across the audience.

Body

language, how to come across to the

audience. We will hear from Michael

in a second. How you Thomas.

Very

well.

You are in the Pretoriaer

field panto, in Cinderella. What is

your concern?

That is my biggest

concern, to shave or not to shave,

that is the question.

Are we ready.

Deliver your Dame top tips.

No expense spent! My first Dame

Don't. The first is worrying about

your voice. Don't be a good woman.

Make sure you have to remember the

comedy is the fact you are a man in

a dress. One of the best people to

watch if you are a Scottish Dame is

on YouTube is Stanley Baxter. That

is my tip for you.

Tip number two.

Sorry. I will try not to break the

G- String. I think already have. You

are worried about body language. You

can never be too big when it comes

to a Dame. Be big, command the

stage. Make sure you are warm, make

sure the humour you have is clean.

Obviously, innuendo. You can't cross

the line.

Did you find a gypsy can?

No, dear I thought he was quite

butch!

Tip number three.

Sorry.

There we are. Sound effects are

amazing. A Dame Don't. With makeup

it's nice and big, don't cover your

features. Make sure the audience can

see when your eyebrows are raised,

open and closing your mouth. You are

playing an Ugly Sister, stick

glitter in your beard.

Those are our

Dames Dos and Don'ts. Next it's

villainsans we will practice our

Dame faces. Happy, lustful, angry,

disgusted. Happy. That's all from

Dame Academy for now. You have done

panto?

I did the ITV Christmas

panto. I don't know when, back in

the

last... Those are high wasted

trousers, aren't they, my goodness

me.

We've got some more great advice

now from a man who's

spent decades in showbiz,

here's Barry Cryer with some life

lessons for his grandson.

I'm Barry Cryer I'm 82 and a

grandfather. Today, I want to talk

to Archie, our grandson, about life.

I'm Archie, I'm 15. My grandad has

asked to see me today. I'm not quite

sure what I'm in for.

I remember the

day he was born. But now he's on the

verge of becoming a man, I want to

pass on some tips from my own box of

life tricks that might help him

along the way. Look at this. That is

me and grandma. 55 years, Archie.

That's long.

Yeah. Lesson one - find

love.

So what's the secret to a long

marriage and long relationships?

The

secret is to remember to keep saying

- yes, dear.

How did you know

grandma was the one then?

Vibration

or something. Have you a are poor

with someone. It's marvellous. How

is your romantic life. What would

you say it is at the moment?

Quite

quiet at the moment.

Quite quiet?

Yeah. A lot of school at the moment.

Yes.

A bit busy. I was in a lot of

relationships when I was younger.

I

think we'll leave it there! Two -

keep laughing. Ha-ha-ha. Laughter, a

lovely noise. I've never had a

proper job. It's like having a

lovely hobby. That is what I want to

do, loosen people up.

You meet a lot

of people through comedy, friends?

Yes, I'm a peopleoholic. One of the

grade frentship bonds is that you

laugh at the same things. Three -

remember your roots. Windmill. First

place I worked in London. Proper

job. I'm going to take you there.

You will see the actual place and

I'll be drinking in the atmosphere

again. Soho was smart and sleazy,

and I loved it! This is it, The

Windmill. I'm taking you in.

When

did you start working here?

Only 60

years ago. I can't believe it

myself. Look at it. 1957, the lovely

guy called Bruce Forsyth. When you

look back you think, how did I do

that? But you did because you were

learning, learning a trade and the

old man ran it like a rod of iron.

If you were found near the girls'

dressing rooms up there, you were

sacked. The people met you met

working at the Windmill I will never

forget. Life never goes according to

plan. What are your plans? Have you

got a big vision of what you are

going to do with your life?

The main

idea would be to open my own

business and garage and stuff.

Really? You are talking to your

non-driving grandfather! I would be

a helpless customer.

Yeah. We'll

have to get grandma.

My plan was

university, but I was kicked out,

only to be awarded two honorary

degrees over 60 years later. There's

a lesson in here somewhere! Keep

going and failing as well. A little

bit of success might come along if

you do enough failure. I'm not

recommending failure, but it happens

to everybody.

Yeah.

I just hope Arch

has the same scrambled, up-and-down

life I've had because it's never

boring and there's never been a dull

moment and I wish that on him with

great love.

APPLAUSE.

That was lovely, wasn't

it? Thank you to Barry and Archie

there.

Yes.

Best piece of advice

from your grandfather.

My grandpa is

fastly experienced. He's 96. He gave

the confidence and magic words to

say hello to the girl who became my

wife.

Ah!

I will keep those secret

words to myself.

Well done grandad.

He's great. What about you?

Well, my

grandma was a saver. I don't have

many memories of her, the memory

that my mum gave me and told me, I

always save. I have a thing about

saving. Save and spend your money

well. My grand da was about being

strong, having thick skin. There

they are, bless them. My grandad was

my backbone and dad to my family. He

talked about making sure you are

respected as a woman and look for

the right man in life etc, etc.

Good

advice.

Yeah.

Good message. Xander?

After that. I was told lots of

lovely things. Taught wonderful

things by my grandparents. What is

ringing in my ears at the moment.

When I went to university my grandma

sent me Ovilletin and he said,

"never use a damp spoon." There we

are.

Gorka.

They always said to me

to do what I loved most and always

follow my dreams and do what I want

to do. People say - follow what you

want to do.

My grandmother, 1,000

milligrams of cod liver oil on a

daily basis.

There's only one day left before

you can open the first window

on something that has become big

business for retailers -

the Christmas advent calendar.

Alex, Alex and Alex,

here's Alex with more.

The countdown to Christmas is almost

upon us that means advent calendars.

There is something rather special

and exciting about opening a window

or door every morning and wondering

what will find inside. We're not

just you can talking a number of

things, we are going crazy. What is

on offer and what do we make of it

all. Let us a play Advent calendar

Bingo. We have divided the calendars

priced between £9.99 andor £100

intoics categories. Toys. Food.

Don't start eating them yet. Beauty.

There you go. And drink. I think

you've hit the jackpot. As you know,

we are only supposed to open one

window a day starting from the 1st

December. If nobody tells the kids

what we're doing, we should get

awhich it. Over to you, Dan.

On its

own, number nine.

Number nine.

Number nine. There we go. It's a

traffic cone. For each category we

have chosen a high end, mid range

and budget calendar. Is Number Ten.

Number Ten, come on, quick. Number

Ten. Two traffic cones.

Twins.

How

exciting.

One and five. 15.

Why does

it have to become an expensive thing

with gifts in it? Is it better to

give them something with a toy in or

something with just chocolate or

something with just a picture?

It

would be better to give a toy than

chocolate.

From toy calendars to

food. Chilli, pork scratchings and

sweets. Countdown to Christmas with

a different chilli every day there

is a booklet. What does it say?

Unsmoked, paprika powder. It's quite

cool.

How much do you think that

costs? £9.99.

I'm buying one.

The

bells are ringing out. Deck the

halls with bags of crackling. What

is number 22

Chilli powder.

Now

Molton Brown. Amazon Buton. Lovely.

What is this. . This is the cheapest

one. Look at that. Lovely, saint it?

Amazing.

This one. Is how much do

think that is?

More expensive, I'd

say. It's candles and everything in

there. £70, £80.

£165.

No way. It

can stay.

How many of these would

you buy this Christmas?

None.

One

and six, 16. Let's have a sniff.

Smells like £50 that. Finally, what

about the drinks? Wine from the Pip

Stop. Craft beer from Iceland and

tea from Fortnum and Mason.

Every

day another bottle of beer.

Let's

have a sniff. Smell that. That is

the smell of Christmas. It's like

mulled wine, isn't it?

1 and 8.

That

will be nice. What do our bingo

players think overall?

Sweets, who

doesn't like sweets.

Good value for

what it is.

I would never give £35

for any calendar.

That is £12.

I

would buy it.

What is wrong with

traditional with a picture of a

Christmas pudding or Carroll

singers.

It's not based around

family time it's self indulgence.

I'm not sure they capture the spirit

of Christmas. By Christmas Eve you

have all the ingredients for a good

old fashioned Christmas knees up.

Who fancies a pork scratching?

You are still working your way

through a whisky calendar from last

year Alexander.

Yes, I haven't got

that far through, what do they think

I am? Glugging every morning. I am

old fashioned. I like the idea of,

our kids get old fashioned German

one, lots of glitter and a nice

picture of a pudding. It is the

picture that counts.

It is the picture that counts.

Now, we've seen our amateur dames

being put through their paces

and Matt has arrived at another

class full of some

shadier characters.

Counts.

Boo. His. This is villain

school. Or cackle college, it may

look scary but it has been Baros car

live-sted inspected. This is our

teacher Natasha, tells about your

credentials

I have been a panto

villain for six years.

Where you

performing?

At the Princes theatre

in Clacton in beauty on the beast.

Is that on the end of the pier. We

have first time baddies here, and

they have some concern, we will

start over here, Natalie, you are

playing Mr Wolf at the Ardennes

theatre in Faversham. I presume that

is red riding hood. What is your

concern?

Every baddy needs a good

cackle. Or in my case a howl. Help

me.

Then Kerr city, you are playing

Morgan Les if FAY. What is your

panto?

It is Camelot the panto.

What

do you do when you are not being

Morgan.

Bringing up my baby which is

more scary. I want to know how to

deliver the insults well.

So

insults, and finally, we have you

Robin playing Brian May in which

panto.

Captain hook in Peter Pan

toe.

Fantastic, That is in Kent at

the Queens Hall. Tell me, what are

you worried about?

I am worried I

will be too evil. I need to balance,

a bit of sympathy from the audience

when I get eat beenty crocodile at

the end.

You want to show he has a

heart. We can help you with that

right now. Take us through your top

tips. Number one. EVIL LAUGH

Tip number one.

You need to know

your cackles so Natalie, three stock

examples, for your entrance you want

to make it a nice big crescendo

so... Likewise with your exit you

want to just make sure that everyone

knows you are leaving the building,

to give that cue to give them a boo.

You might do a little something like

this...

Number two tip.

Know your

insults, it is common for panto

people to get an audience to get

really involved so it is important

you have some insults just to pop

out when you are ready. Alliteration

is key, so if we are talking to our

audience you might say look at all

these one show wannabes. What a

bunch of losers.

And tip three.

Tip three, so your

come uppence, every villain has to

lose at the end so the heros can win

the day, it is important you have ta

last final moment, if you are being

turned good at the end or get eaten

by a crocodile, so you want to grab

your chest and do a wannabes. What a

bunch of losers.

And tip three.

Tip three, so your

come uppence, every villain has to

lose at the end so the heros can win

the day, it is important you have ta

last final moment, if you are being

turned good at the end or get eaten

by a crocodile, so you want to grab

your chest and do a bit no, like

this. Wannabes. What a bunch of

losers.

And tip three.

Tip three, so your

come uppence, every villain has to

lose at the end so the heros can win

the day, it is important you have ta

last final moment, if you are being

turned good at the end or get eaten

by a crocodile, so you want to grab

your chest and do a bit no, like

this. "No".

Panto people, here we

go, away you go. Take it away.

ALL: No!

Well...

APPLAUSE

That was very good.

Shall we do some pictures. Do you

want to do one?

This is a picture

from Eleanor, the green hills panto

club, who are putting on their 27th

panto, the Pied Piper.

This is

brilliant. Scott is currently

playing Dandini in the panto. It is

run by volunteers. Good costume

effort. Look at this for a full on

rehearsal picture. In the sports

hall. Brilliant. Tess is a sent this

in. They are doing a Bollywood

beauty and the beast. Look, good

luck.

Look, good luck.

Well, Gorka, being a panto animal

is all about movement and grace,

so we've got you a costume

waiting for you.

Off you go and get into character.

Before we meet our fake animals how

about real wildlife from my neck of

the woods. Here is Miranda with a

story older than any fairy tale.

The Cheviot hills in Northumberland,

were formed millions of years ago,

by volcanic lava flows. As time

past, they have become home to a

diverse array of wildlife.

All of the domesticated animals that

live on the hills have changed over

time through breeding, except one

that managed to free itself from

human interference almost as soon as

it arrived here over 7,000 years

ago.

The Cheviot goat. Even the place

names near by are testament to how

long these animals have been here.

Names such as Goat Stones or a place

of the hill of the goat. In this

small set of valleys they have

remained unchanged for millennia.

Richard has been studying them for

the past ten years and he is going

to help me get up close to them.

The country's entire population of

Cheviot goats can be found across

these hill tops, and there aren't

that many. How many?

This population

is about 150.

But if something were

to happen to this particular

population it could be wiped out?

Yes, very easily, it is a small

population, it doesn't take much.

We

have been given special permission

from Northumberland National Park to

drive up through these hills, but we

can only get so far by car.

There is some down there. I think it

looks like four or five of them.

Oh

Oh they are amazing and the coat

is so Shaggy.

They have this outer o coat that

almost drags on the ground.

And an inner coat that keeps them

dry and warm.

I want to get closer, but we have to

tread lightly.

It is coming to the end of the

rutting season, and the males have

been using their prim sieve horns to

see off competition and affirm their

mating rights -- rites.

Cutting through the abundant bracken

on the hills might be easy for the

goat bus it is not so easy for us.

This is why the goats disappear.

They do. Certainly as tall as me.

Super close.

Wow.

You can see the beard. They look

very wise, like we have been flee

over, we know exactly what we are

doing. They look like they belong in

their surroundings. Unusually both

male and female Cheviot goats

possess horns but it is in the males

they can become truly impressive.

They are useful indicator of age

which each ringed section

representing a year of growth.

Making this pair of males about

eight years old.

Awesome. I love them. I think they

are really really beautiful.

It is Aston Northern Irishing to

think that this population of goats

arrived in this secluded valley

about the same time that the wheel

was being invented.

They have avoided being cross bred

to improve meat or milk yields, and

are now a walking connection to our

Stone Age ancestors. Hopefully the

small shall -- Shaggy coated

creatures will remind us of our own

primitive beginnings for many

millennia to come.

Let's get some panto animal

advice now, because Matt

is in our Panto School Stables.

We have maimed for these purposes

strong hands stables. Some people

say it's the bum job of the panto to

be the horse or cow, but no, not our

animals here, at least half is not

the bum job, we have Mel, and Lizzy,

you are professional pantomime co-s

is that correct -- cows.

We are in

Talbot this year.

How long you been

pant mile animals.

Since 2014.

What

is the traction, you don't get to is

say any lines, you are looking at

the behind, that is the best part.

Best part.

You have to be very

strong.

Yes and the kids love it. We

are the favourite character, the

biggest cheer.

We just get to milk

it.

I love it. I am working on the

basis that everyone is a cow and in

Jack this in the bean stalk, is that

correct? I will come to you first

Neil.

You are a worried cow?

Being able to

see out of the mass, the head of the

cow. I and falling off the end of

testify stage.

That is a valid

concern, you can't see anything in

that thing. I have seen. We will

move down the line. Amy you just get

a head. That is unfortunate. Mia and

Victoria, and you are performing in

Fleet in Jack and the bean stalk,

which theatre?

The Harling on the.

What is your concern?

Probably the

co-ordination between the front and

the back.

You have to act as a

single animal rather than two

separate halve, a very valid

concern. Concern. Mel and Lizzy,

your top tips for the animals.

Tip

one don't take big step, you don't

know where you are, you don't want

to take a big step and fall off.

Your second tip.

Tip two the three

second rule. Make sure your

character is animated to move every

three second. A wiggle of the bum.

You keep moo-ving.

Work together,

team work, co-ordination, work with

your back end.

It takes team work to

make the cream work. Literally just

thought of that. Suit up, let us see

it happen. I honestly have just

thought of that. We will see if they

still have the moose like Jagger,

have they got them? Lead the way

Mel, away you go. That's it, follow

on Neil, this is part of the problem

here. Keep going. Keep going.

Fantastic, keep moving, a bit

quicker, three second rule.

Fantastic, now we have I think we

have one more panto cow coming in.

Here it comes. Wow, look at the way

the legs move. In perfect harm any,

in perfect... It is almost like they

know what they are doing here. What

do you think of that? Who do you

think that could possibly be? I have

no end which end is which. The shoes

may be a give away.

The heels are a

big clue.

Go on, Gorka, which ever

end you are at show your face.

APPLAUSE

A few pictures before we go. Ian

sent this picture of the ugly

sisters getting ready in Blackburn.

Sarah's company have two sold ole

out performances of Cinderella in

County Down. I can't speak highly

enough of the one at Durham in the

Gala theatre. Sherlock homes in West

Sussex. Thanks to all the panto

characters who have dropped in. This

is Salisbury, John. That is it for

tonight.

ALL: Oh no it isn't.

A big thank you to Alexander, the

album is out now. Make sure you see

Alexandra and Gorka's Charleston. Do

the feet. Do the feet. Tomorrow

Lesley Sharp. Good night.