30/09/2014 The One Show

Hello and welcome to The One Show with Alex Jones and Matt Baker. Now,

meet ex-Royal Marine turned domestic God, then well. Evening! Very

authoritative! If you have ever wanted to know the best way to iron

a shirt, Ben is here to show us the Royal Marine way. We don't know if

tonight's guest can iron, but we do know that he looks very good in

leather. There we are, please welcomed John

Bishop! APPLAUSE That is so tragic, because that is

probably the last Take That tribute act where there were five. Now you

must be thinking, we will be going to gigs on bicycle soon, there will

just be two of us left. As Matt was saying, we have Ben into night to

show us ironing. It is you against me, how are your ironing skills? My

ironing skills are fantastic. Are you joking? No. When I got married

the first thing that surprised me about living with a woman is that

Melanie Irons and aware. My mum does that as well. That is amazing, isn't

it? It looks nice in the draw. LAUGHTER

That is a good point. The amount of times I have said to people, come

and see my underwear! Of all the jobs around the house, what is your

best domestic skill? Dog walking. That is not a domestic skill. If you

have a dog in the house and don't take it for a walk, you will wish

you had a good dog walker. Domestic material is or is coming up in your

tours and your shows, we don't know who is promoting this new tool you

have got but we are preshow you get paid for it, right? Sadly, that did

not happen to two brass bands who fell victim to a rogue promoter. Dan

Donnelly investigates why somebody who was a disgraced promoter

continued to operate. Brass bands are big business, whenever there is

money to be made you cant be sure there is a conman in the wings

waiting to cash in. That is what happened to Yorkshire's band. They

were fleeced by a promoter who made promises he never kept. The company

manager was Graeme White head. This is him, blowing his own trumpet,

well, cornet. How much money did you lose? We are still owed about

?21,000. That is a lot of money for you. Absolutely. The players have

not been plagued of those concerts they did. The Black Dyke band are

not the only ones to have lost out. The Grimethorpe Colliery Band

insisted on half the fee upfront but they are still owed ?3500. It might

not seem a lot of money, but to a band such as ourselves, that is a

big amount that which is kind of Ford to write off. Graham Whitehead

has left a trail of angry bands and the new owners. But he is much more

than just a bad businessmen. Graham Whitehead is a convicted fraudster,

banned from running any business. Jailed in 2010 for a ?12 million

investment fraud, Graham Whitehead is disqualified from being a

director for another ten years. Yet everyone we have spoken to agrees he

is the one running the show at Prestige Promotions. There is no

doubt in my mind that Graham was calling the shots on this one, all

the way through. But tracking down our rogue director is not easy. This

is the offices. Inside, it's empty, the landlord kicked them out. The

man himself has gone to ground. He has not answered our e-mails and is

no longer at his home address. But I have managed to get hold of his

personal mobile number, so let's CFE is taking calls. Hello? Is that

Graham Whitehead? Who is speaking? It is down from The One Show. I want

to talk about the money that you owe. Hello? Graham? It looks like he

wants to disappear without to much fanfare. We have discovered Prestige

Promotions owes a quarter of ?1 million, but Whitehead won't have to

deal with the charge because he was not bass, on paper at least. Critics

want the law on disqualifying directors toughened up, something

the Business Secretary, Vince Cable, has vowed to do. So is it too easy

for disqualified directors to carry on operating in this country? It has

been too easy and there are too many people getting away with practices

they shouldn't. We are toughening the criteria under which directors

can be banned. We have one case where a completely band director has

just carried on operating behind-the-scenes with someone asked

fronting the company. Would they be able to do that still? No, we are

going to stop the practice of people hiding behind France. Anybody who

owns a country will be identified, it will be more transparent than in

any other western country and it will stop a substantial amount of

that concealment. That may come too late for members of the Black Dyke

band. Obviously, I am very angry. It was a lot of money and we are still

fighting to get it back, we won't give up. Until the law catches up

with our rogue director, the band 's fleeced by him remain fleeced. --

Brust. Have you experienced anything like that? One or two situation

starting off in the smaller clubs, saying, and not enough people came

we can't pay you. I tend to find if you are in the same room, you tend

to get your money off them. But when you are a band and you put your

faith in the hands of someone else, you can't do a lot about it, because

after the event they are off. You're not doing small venues any more, big

scale arena ones. Back on the road for the first time in two years.

Apparently, the most relieved people a family. The dog is not very happy!

Who is going to walking? We have a treadmill with the dog -- for the

dog with my face on it! The thing is, to be honest, with the stand-up,

I suppose like anything that you love doing, if you don't do it, I

get irritable. In the house, I am annoying everybody, so getting back

on the road will be hard. What has been happening over the last couple

of years? I went to Australia, travelling there. That process of

changing really, because I did that travel log which was something I was

wanted to do, the type of telly I aways wanted to see. Retracing the

steps you took in 1992. Yes, I wrote an autobiography, someone from the

BBC saw it, and in 1992I read from Sydney back to Liverpool so we just

retrace the Australia leg, which was really odd really, to go where you

were when you are 25 and a little different. There is a funny clip

from it where you find your own island. Have a look at this. There

is a lack of facilities at the moment, we have no infrastructure,

hotel, car park, landing strip, or an island for most of the day. But

for six hours of the day, what a perfect place to come to on holiday.

APPLAUSE That was great, that was on the

Great Barrier Reef, and we got these marine biologists who said we will

take you somewhere that is spectacular, and we got there and

there was no island, and I thought we have got this right pair of

rogues. When you meet them, like most Aussies, they just don't look

like professors, they look like they fell right out of the pub and I

thought we had been stitched up. Then the water fed away and the

island emerged. It was superb for six hours and then it went again.

You call it Supersonic, this tour, is that a reference to how fast your

children have grown up? We were just saying they are off to university.

Yes, they are off. I didn't realise the significance, I just came up

with the title because I wanted one word that sounded good. We used to

use that word in my house, do it quick, do it supersonic. In many

respects, they have grown up that fast, and they have gone. They are

not kids any more, in fact one of them is not even a teenager, he is

20. I have got to teenagers and a bloke. LAUGHTER

It is really odd. I have reached the point in my life where I actually

own a man. I never thought that would happen. And are they going to

come and see you do the arena gigs? Probably the two who are going to

university, because they will get fed! LAUGHTER

They will probably come asking for a feud with and a pizza. You are doing

these warm up gigs up and down the country, so we thought as a warm up

now, because there are about 4 million people watching, if there is

a gag that you think will it work or not, you can have a go now, if you

fancy it? You have seen my material, it wouldn't make The One Show at

seven o'clock! Keep it clean! There are two nuns walking out you asked

him! John's Supersonic tour starts on October 22 in Plymouth. Earlier

on we introduced you to exploit oil marine, Ben, the domestic God who

has a challenge for the two of you. Hopefully, this will help me look

smart on the telly to the next two days, because you have got three

minutes, when you settle in, three minutes to iron my shirts for

Wednesday and Thursday's shows. They should be pretty creased. Were you

really in the Royal Marines? This is our elite fighting force, right,

lads, before you get out, let's get ironing. These are super creased as

well. Whatever you come up with, I will wear on Wednesday and Thursday

so I am keeping everything crossed. Your three minutes begin right now.

While you concentrate, this is what happened when we sent Ben off with

Carrie to a place where his skills are in pressing demand. University

Freshers' Week. Would you say you are pretty useless? Guess. Are you

pretty useless? I am going to go with the S. I would say pretty

useless is about right. Pretty useless. That is how students have

been described in a new DVD, which sets out to teach them the basic

skills in preparation for leaving home. Emily, do the plates next.

Give them a good clean. Now put the genes over the ironing board. The

DVD is the work of former Marine, Ben Gwillim, who said he was totally

frustrated with just how useless teenagers can be. I had to iron a

shirt the other day, it didn't go well. I don't think I will be using

an iron. Are teenagers pretty useless? I think teenagers today

need to be shown what to do. There is a method to doing your ironing or

to do the washing up and get it done properly. I thought we would start

with some ironing and I just happen to have a shirt in my pocket that I

thought you could show me how... Fresh from the washing machine.

There is a symbol on the shirt and you match it to the symbol on the

iron. So that is the first bit, behind the collar. Yes, they call it

the yolk. Then the sleeves, then the back. You see, I wouldn't do it that

way, I would have it laid the other way. Who taught you? My mum. I

learned to do my ironing when I joined the Royal Marines. The last

thing we do are the front parts and the collar. Have you done any

ironing since you have been here? I didn't bring one. This shirt is not

iron. Why is that? Because I am too lazy to iron it.

POP MUSIC Now, it's a very intriguing order,

why do you do it in that order? The way I was taught, if you do

different pieces and the collar as the last bit, those are the bit

which are at the front. It gives you a smile to finish, you cannot get it

creased. John, when you are on tour, in hotel rooms and stuff like that,

would you opt to wear a creased shirt or would you go for the

trouser press option, shoving it in there and hoping for the best? If it

matters, you put a coat on. Of course. A couple of creases in the

middle. Have you heard the tip, if you put it on a hanger in the shower

and turn it on, it helps. It does work. It's good. Is that the three

minutes up? I don't know what you are worried about, I'm going to have

to wear this! LAUGHTER So, let's have a look at John's

shirt, what's your instant reaction? Well, it looks like he could have

used a corrugated iron. It's pretty good. CHUCKLES

The collar and sleeves are good, but the front piece is a little bit

creased but I could wear that. Yours is OK. Is looking pretty good. Look

at these leaves, look at those sleeves. You just rocked onto one

flood, like a catalogue model. CHUCKLES

This is what they need, instead of those recruitment videos with the

Marines walking around in the murder, learn to iron.

Walking around in muddy conditions. Johns is pretty good, but I know

he's a gentleman so Alex is the winner. CHEERING

You can find more about Ben on our Facebook page and he has a DVD out

and everything. Thanks so much. You cannot beat a good singalong

especially when there are 13,000 people involved. The One Show has

set me what could be my biggest challenge yet. They wanted me to

come up with a brand-new football chant and somehow get an

unsuspecting crowd of 13,000 fans to spontaneously start singing it with

me. Today it's commonly believed that our instinct to sing is as

powerful as the instinct to speak, perhaps even come to a just. Nowhere

cannot be found more than here, on the terraces of a football stadium.

Singing at football matches is nearly as old as the game acts did

-- itself, when many clubs in the 19th century were started by

churches. Doctor Martyn Jones is a historian who is researched the

development of the football chant. And football develop, crowds were

not charged in in the modern sense but they were singing popular songs,

sometimes musical songs, sometimes they were religious hymns. In the

50s and 60s, it was more like pop music. Do the chants give a

collective identity to the fans? It is about saying I'm part of the

crowd, a way of declaring your identity and your allegiance to a

particular club. This identity was the subject of a report on the BBC

programme Panorama who visited Liverpool in 1964. Anthropologists

would be introduced into as rich and mystifying a culture as in any South

Sea island. The 28,000 people in the Kop begin singing together. They

seem to know intuitively when to begin. So how does it work, and can

I get a crowd to follow my lead? Steve Jones is somebody who does

just this come every week for Swansea City football club. Hello

Steve. Tell me about your role. I attempt to get the song is going and

the crowd going. I banged this drum. And they tend to join in. What are

the ingredients for a good chant? Something catchy and easy to learn,

something which goes with a song that everybody knows. Everson idea

of your best chants. SINGING # I cannot get enough...

# I cannot get enough. And they join in? Yes. If not? You could be on

your own! I've been invited along to the Swansea Stadium, it's my home

town and my home team, what better place to try out my challenge. I'm

going to need some support to get my voice heard in the stands, so when

in Wales who better to help them Swansea's very own Male voice choir,

come on boys. SINGING # Swansea until I die! Time to head

to the stadium and we've come up with the perfect lyrics. It may be a

friendly, but I'm still very nervous. There's 13,000 people here,

but at least I have my choir to back me up. DRAMATIC MUSIC

Steve Strohm is already making a racket. -- his drum.

# I just can't get enough! The game is not going to plan with Swansea

already one goal down, but I cannot put this off any longer. Time to

unleash our unique take on the him, he's got the whole world in his

hands, about the Swansea goalkeeper Lukasz Fabianski, but we will we be

singing on our own? # We've got Lukas Fabianski in our

goal! We've got Lukasz Fabianski in our goal

# We got Lukasz Fabianski in our goal! CHEERING

SINGING We did it! With the help of Stephen

Maguire, showing that with the right ingredients you can get even the

toughest crowd to join in. It is about the culture, isn't it?

DRAMATIC MUSIC Brilliant, remarkably contagious,

isn't it? They got it going. He's not even Polish, it just rhymes. Now

we are going to put your chant knowledge to the test. Over there we

have a lovely a cappella group, they are going to sing three football

chants, all you got to do is tell us what the original song is and who

sang it. That will be dead easy. If you get two of them right, they will

sing your team Liverpool's anthem, You'll Never Walk Alone. But if not,

they will perform Everton's song, It's A Grand Old Team. There's

incentive now. That start. This was sung by Crystal Palace fans when

they played Brighton. Here we go. # We had Brighton on the run

# But the fun didn't last # Because the blighters ran too

fast! Seasons of the sun... Do you know

who that was? I don't know, come from above. It is tell. Terry Jacks.

-- it is tough. Here you go. # Seasons in the Sun. What I like

about Terry, you have the football hairstyle of the 70s. Let's go to

the next one, this is a favourite. Do I get a point? You get a half. We

didn't expect this, but let's crack on. This is a favourite from

Watford. # Hoist up the Watford flag

# Hear how the Hornets sing # If you don't join in

# I'll sing on my own # Don't wanna go home

# Don't wanna go home # This is the best trip I've ever

been on Beautifully sung. APPLAUSE

You know the song, but what is it called? What about the artist? I

didn't know I was doing this. When you on the island you could have

been a... Beach... Oh, the Beach Boys APPLAUSE

Now we're talking! Come on! # I want to go home-the Beach Boys.

You have got one point now, you need this. Let's go for the last one.

# You fill up my senses # Like a gallon of Magnet

# Like a packet of Woodbines # Like a good pinch of snuff

# Like a night out in Sheffield # Like a greasy chip butty

APPLAUSE I tell you what you've got an

expression on your face I'd never seen before. Just worrying, when

they started singing. SINGING It is a girls name, this song.

Beginning with a. It is the name of Matt's dog, does that help? LAUGHTER

I am not that into dogs. Annie's Song. John Denver!

# Annie's Song. You can have it. Congratulations, at the end of the

show we will do the liver. , You'll Never Walk Alone. Thank you to our a

cappella group and thank you to John,... You look like average

football supporters. John 's tour starts in Plymouth. Tomorrow, we

will have Judy Murray, David Baddiel and Anton du Beke. On Thursday that

this year Dean will be here, her character Sharon married Phil

Mitchell last night. If you are a real-life Sharon Phil and you once

beyond the One Show get in touch. Here we go John, with your beautiful

anthem, take it away, boys. # Walk on, walk on

# With hope in your heart # And You'll Never Walk Alone

# You'll Never Walk Alone # APPLAUSE