Browse content similar to Episode 4. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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Belllfaaaasssst! | 0:00:18 | 0:00:22 | |
DJ Steeky, here to make you dance like a small-bladdered pensioner. | 0:00:22 | 0:00:28 | |
Shout out this week to Steveo. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
Like many burglars, Steveo always liked to take a crap on | 0:00:30 | 0:00:33 | |
the carpet of the house he was robbing. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
Unfortunately, last week Steveo had diarrhoea | 0:00:35 | 0:00:39 | |
and the police just followed the trail home, like, kind of, | 0:00:39 | 0:00:42 | |
a scatological Hansel and Gretel. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:45 | |
Here, a man who is smoking hot. The girls like him a lot. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:49 | |
His knees sometimes get shot. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:52 | |
You know him as Pablo. Respect, Pablo! | 0:00:52 | 0:00:55 | |
Steek, Steek, Steek, Steek, STEEKY! | 0:00:55 | 0:00:59 | |
On tonight's show we have, Big Brother winner, Brian Belo. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
-Pooper scooper. -From The Apprentice, Ben Clarke. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
-Sandhurst nob. -Music from the live boudoir from Silhouette. | 0:01:05 | 0:01:09 | |
Our quiz brain dead, but before all that, some music. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:13 | |
TRANCE MUSIC PLAYS | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
All right, Bobbie. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:21 | |
-Wonders never cease. You're early. -Your girl's up on blocks? -Charming. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:26 | |
So what were you doing last weekend? | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
Went out for the day, me and Chantelle. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
-To where? -The Giant's Causeway. -The Giant's Causeway? -Aye. -What's that like? | 0:01:35 | 0:01:39 | |
-Shite. -I would have thought you'd be more at home at, you know, the Giant's Ring? | 0:01:39 | 0:01:44 | |
-Where's that? -You never heard of the Giant's Ring? | 0:01:44 | 0:01:47 | |
-No. -I would have thought you would love the Giant's Ring. -Why? | 0:01:47 | 0:01:50 | |
You know what goes on there in the car park? | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
-What? -Dogging. -Oh, I've done that. -You've done dogging? | 0:01:52 | 0:01:56 | |
Well, you know, I'm a very exotic man, right? | 0:01:56 | 0:01:59 | |
Chantelle said our life needs spiced up. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
She suggested dogging. I said, "What's that?" | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
She said, "You go up and you get at it". | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
A little bit of bumping uglies in the car. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:07 | |
-And people come up and have a wee look at you. -Just like strangers? | 0:02:07 | 0:02:11 | |
-Just like total strangers. -Watching you at it? -Totally. Right. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
-And, you put the window down. -Right. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
That gives them a wee signal to pop the lad in. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:19 | |
So you flash the wee lights and say, "Right, come on over, lads. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:22 | |
-"There's a bit of action going down". -The window went down, right? -Right. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:26 | |
-Me and Chantelle going at it. -Right. -The fella pops the ole lad in. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:30 | |
-Right. -Chantelle thrashing about a wee bit. -Right. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:33 | |
Off comes the bedroom slipper. Hits the electric window. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:37 | |
-The fella might walk in three weeks. -Oh, my God. You chopped off his walt? | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
-Up for assault, mate. -Nightmare. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:43 | |
This week, I would like to apologise to all the fat people out there. | 0:02:44 | 0:02:49 | |
The medical advice I gave out last week was wrong. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:52 | |
It turns out that, crying while eating an entire tub of Haagen Dazs | 0:02:52 | 0:02:56 | |
will not help with weight loss. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
-Here, what's that noise? That's the lift? -Who is it, Pablo? | 0:02:59 | 0:03:03 | |
It's our next guest, a Big Brother contestant. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
Some people think of him as an idiot off Big Brother, | 0:03:05 | 0:03:09 | |
but we prefer to think of him as a Shankill Road intellectual. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
Please welcome, Big Brother supremo, Brian Belo. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:15 | |
Hello. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:19 | |
-Can I get a whoop, whoop? -Can I get a whoop, whoop. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:24 | |
Can I get a whoop, whoop? So, Brian, tell us this. How has the whole Big Brother thing changed your life? | 0:03:24 | 0:03:29 | |
I'm sure it's opened a load of doors for you. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
The whole Big Brother thing changed my life. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
I suppose, Big Brother changed my life massively. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:37 | |
I was able to get a flat. I was able to sleep with glamour girls. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:42 | |
I was able to go out clubbing, to nice places. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:45 | |
-Are you a bit of a Mr Lover Lover man? -No, don't. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:49 | |
Don't, cos' then girls can start thinking I'm a player. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
-I'm not a player. I'm not a player. -Are you sure? | 0:03:51 | 0:03:54 | |
-If anything, I get played. -Really? -Honestly, I get played so much more. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:58 | |
I haven't had a girlfriend in, in about two-and-a-half years now. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:02 | |
-So, what about the bird off Big Brother? -That was the last. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:06 | |
-That was my last girlfriend. -No! -Is it that long? | 0:04:06 | 0:04:09 | |
I think that was probably my only girlfriend. I've had girls in between, | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
but that was my only proper relationship. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:15 | |
Brian, the next time you go off, it's going to be like a shotgun. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:18 | |
-No, I've had sex! -Oh, right. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
I don't mean I haven't had sex for two-and-a-half years. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:24 | |
It's a family-type show. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
So, Brian, tell me, at the time that you were dating, | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
was it Sam or Amanda? | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
It was Amanda. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
And, I mean, that you, kind of, were very hush, hush about, | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
but you tweeted when you filled your trousers on a train. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:40 | |
-Was that a bad decision? -Was that a bad decision? | 0:04:40 | 0:04:44 | |
Do you know what, the thing is about me, I'm very honest. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
What happened, I know what happened there, I had only just really | 0:04:47 | 0:04:50 | |
been on Twitter for a little bit, at that point. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:53 | |
I didn't realise how many people use Twitter. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
And, so, when I said, "Oh, don't, I've poohed myself on a train". | 0:04:56 | 0:05:01 | |
So I thought, "Wait a minute, I can't ring anyone up | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
"and tell anyone this", because I ring people, | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
people on my carriage are going to then be able to know that I've just shit myself. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:13 | |
I would say it was becoming apparent. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:16 | |
If I tweet about it, then I'd be able to get some advice, | 0:05:16 | 0:05:20 | |
sort of thing. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:21 | |
So, I tweeted about it. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
Then, by the time I got from my home, so from the train | 0:05:23 | 0:05:27 | |
to my destination, it had become an article on Metro.co.uk. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:32 | |
Then find out that, the next day I was, like, OK, | 0:05:32 | 0:05:35 | |
everybody seems to know about the fact that I've just shit myself. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:38 | |
What is the worst insult that anyone has thrown at you? | 0:05:38 | 0:05:42 | |
That I appear to be like I was dropped on my head as a baby. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:47 | |
-Didn't do me any harm. -I know. Do you know what the funny thing was? | 0:05:47 | 0:05:51 | |
I was sitting there with my old girl. She was talking to someone. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
She was like, "Do you remember when Brian was a baby and we dropped him on his head?" | 0:05:54 | 0:05:58 | |
I was like, "You dropped me on my head?" | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
She was like, "Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you." | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
I was like, "Are you sure? I've got all the tabloids clippings calling me dopey and stupid." | 0:06:03 | 0:06:08 | |
You know what I mean? I only found out I was dropped as a baby, that's probably why I'm quite stupid. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:13 | |
-You went to school with the other Big Brother winner, Chantelle? -Yeah. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:17 | |
That must have been quite a school, quite special? | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
It is a very special school. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
And, do you know, the winner of Britain's Next Top Model, 2007, | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
also went to my school as well, Lauren McAvoy, because we was in the same class. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:28 | |
-Wow. -Can I ask you just, what sort of music you like? | 0:06:28 | 0:06:31 | |
Cos I'm going to play a track now. What music? | 0:06:31 | 0:06:33 | |
I love funkiness. I love funkiness. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
We're going to play you some hard house. It's time for a track. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:39 | |
HARD HOUSE PLAYS | 0:06:39 | 0:06:43 | |
-You want to learn some Belfastisms? -Proper! | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
We're going to come out in Belfast and have it up. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
Happy days. There's the three of us, right? | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
-We're flying through the streets of Belfast. -Yeah. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
There's a couple of girls at a bus stop. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
-Are they hotties? -Oh, aye. Of course they are. Of course they are. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:07 | |
Right, proper sorts, like. Wee short skirts and everything. | 0:07:07 | 0:07:10 | |
-Lovin' it. -We wind the window down, right? Wind the window down. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:13 | |
You just go past them, dead, dead smooth. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
Really, really classy, sophisticated, right? | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
"Get her bucked!" | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
What? | 0:07:20 | 0:07:22 | |
-Get her bucked. -Get her bucked. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
-Give us a buck at ye? -Give us a buck at ye? | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
-Get her bucked. -Get her bucked. -You what? | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
Get her bucked. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:31 | |
Get her book? | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
Or, alternatively, "Give us a buck at ye"? | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
-Give us a book? -Buck. Buck. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
-Book? -Like... MAKES SQUEAKING SOUNDS | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
Bock? | 0:07:41 | 0:07:42 | |
THEY CONTINUE SQUEAKING | 0:07:42 | 0:07:46 | |
-Boys, I've never heard of that one. Do you know what you need to do? You're going wrong. -What? | 0:07:46 | 0:07:51 | |
Boys, I'm not trying to teach granny how to suck eggs or nothing. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:56 | |
But, at the end of the day, you need to learn how to sweet talk a bird. | 0:07:56 | 0:08:00 | |
-Show her a bit of your personality, you know. -OK. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
You can't go up to birds like some sort of chav, giving it like that. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:06 | |
They're going to tell you to jog on! | 0:08:06 | 0:08:07 | |
-You want to be like, wind down your window. -Right. -Go. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:11 | |
-"Excuse me, sweetheart". -Excuse me. -"I want to know whereabouts X is". | 0:08:11 | 0:08:16 | |
As she gets closer and she's about to give you advice go, | 0:08:16 | 0:08:19 | |
"Oh, babe, do you know what? I really love your eyes. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
"I've never seen a lady with such great eyes as yours." | 0:08:22 | 0:08:25 | |
At this point, can you introduce her to the crippla? | 0:08:25 | 0:08:29 | |
-Depends how filthy she is. -Or how unconscious she is? -Yeah. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:37 | |
Oh, you don't want to go for them unconscious though, son. I'll be honest. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:40 | |
I usually find that they're quite pliable in that state. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:44 | |
Yeah, they are, but there's the whole thing of Prisoner Cell Block H and everything. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:49 | |
I mean, I honestly don't want to be going down that route. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:52 | |
Do you think, if you were in prison, you might be, | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
like, passed about like some kind of Christmas cracker? | 0:08:55 | 0:08:59 | |
-Like a Christmas cracker? -Aye? | 0:08:59 | 0:09:00 | |
I would use you as currency in jail. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:05 | |
I'd be all right, I'll just hire you out, to Mr Big. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:08 | |
-So, you're going to pimp me, is what you're saying, yeah? -Yeah. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:11 | |
Thanks very much. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:12 | |
I can tell, cos you boys like me, I think we've got a bond? | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
Oh, yeah, mate. Listen, we're cool. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
I'm realising that Pablo's your main man. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
-If I get on Pablo's good side, I'm on the good side of everyone. -That's right. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:24 | |
-You're Pablo's little bitch, I can tell. -You're my bitch. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:28 | |
You are Pablo's bitch. You're a proper bitch. | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
You're the bitch of the relationship. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
Trying to give it a bit of, like, "Yeah, this is how we do it"... | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
-Steeky is my bitch. -Pablo tells you what to do, mate. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
Steeky is my bitch. Steeky is my bitch. You are my bitch. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:43 | |
Bitch. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
-Are you two quite finished? -Bitch. -Youse have hurt my feelings. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:50 | |
-I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. -You have. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
Why don't you go and get a nice manicure or something, or a wee pedicure, maybe? | 0:09:53 | 0:09:58 | |
-Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. -Don't. Your make-up'll run. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:02 | |
-Shut up! -You're getting rinsed. Rinsed like a wet towel, rinsed. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:08 | |
That's not fair. I thought you were my mate. I thought you were my mate. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:14 | |
I'm your mate! It's just a bit of friendly banter. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:17 | |
-We're not mates no more! Not mates no more! -Steeky... This is banter. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:23 | |
Brian, don't listen to him. It's his time of the month. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:28 | |
All right, all right, all right. We're mates now, it's cool. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:34 | |
-He fancies you as well. -It's all cool. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
Brian, you were rightly hailed as the first ever black winner of Big Brother. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:41 | |
That's true. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:42 | |
Do you think your victory gave Barack Obama the courage to run for president? | 0:10:42 | 0:10:46 | |
Honestly, I think it did. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:51 | |
Even when he was going in for his presidency and everything, | 0:10:51 | 0:10:55 | |
I was like... | 0:10:55 | 0:10:56 | |
-Oh, shut up! Barack Obama! -No-one had heard of Barack Obama. | 0:10:56 | 0:11:00 | |
-Thank you very much. -He was not on the scene at all. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
And he is supposed to be American. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:06 | |
How many famous black Americans are the? | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
Why couldn't Jay-Z or P Diddy be president? | 0:11:08 | 0:11:11 | |
He hasn't even released a good album yet. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:15 | |
-What have you heard that as any good that he's released? -Diddy? | 0:11:15 | 0:11:19 | |
-No, I am talking about Barack Obama. -Because Diddy is brilliant. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:23 | |
At the end of the day, Jay-Z has done a lot for America. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:27 | |
He has. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:28 | |
He's gone around. He's made love and not war with Beyonce. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:34 | |
He's got Crazy In Love on the Futurettes. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:37 | |
And he's not been given the respect he deserves | 0:11:37 | 0:11:40 | |
by the government of the USA. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
You're right, Brian. It's time to go. I hope you're going to tweet about meeting two extremely | 0:11:42 | 0:11:48 | |
radically cool and handsome guys in Belfast. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
-Don't worry. I am tweeting about you now. See you later. -Cheers, Brian. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:55 | |
Pablo, see the man out. Try and make sure he avoids the toilet. I don't trust him. | 0:11:55 | 0:12:00 | |
-Nice to meet you, Brian. Sound. -Nice to meet you, mates. See you later. | 0:12:00 | 0:12:05 | |
When the doors open at the bottom, that's when you get out. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
Hope he leaves the lift the way he found it. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
Brian Belo, there. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:17 | |
Rightly hailed - hailed - as the first black winner of Big Brother. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:22 | |
Nice to know that Martin Luther King didn't die in vain. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:26 | |
-Here, Steeks. -What? -You want to know what I found out last night? -What? | 0:12:26 | 0:12:30 | |
Did you know that there's stuff on the Internet that isn't porn? | 0:12:30 | 0:12:35 | |
-Whaa! Aye, right? -I am deadly serious, mate. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:39 | |
-There was other stuff on the Internet that's not porn. -What? | 0:12:39 | 0:12:43 | |
Like it doesn't have tits in it? | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
-It doesn't even have small tits in it. -Man, that's amazing. So what's that stuff like? | 0:12:45 | 0:12:50 | |
I don't know. I was too busy wanking. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:53 | |
-Turn it to radio Ulster. Rigsy's on. -Rigsy? | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
-That's even worse than this crap. He's shite! -Fair enough. | 0:12:57 | 0:13:01 | |
-Right, what's next, Pablo? -You have a caller on line one. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:06 | |
Hello and who's the next caller who we may help? | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
-'Hiya. My name is Kieran.' -And how can we help you, Kieran? | 0:13:10 | 0:13:14 | |
'I am feeling depressed.' | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
Kieran, is that you from the Bally Flip Flops? | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
'Yeah, it's me, mate. How are you doing?' | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
I suppose you're feeling suicidal cos everyone knows that your girlfriend is buggering anything that moves. | 0:13:22 | 0:13:28 | |
'What? Maryanne's cheating on me? Oh, Jesus, no.' | 0:13:28 | 0:13:33 | |
No, no, whatever gave you that idea? | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
'GUNSHOT' | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
Brilliant work there, Steeks. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
-Steeky, do you think there's life after death? -Aye. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:46 | |
-What you think heaven is like? -The rivers are WKD. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:51 | |
The girls are so full of silicone they bounce. | 0:13:51 | 0:13:56 | |
And all the dole clerks are trusting and naive. | 0:13:56 | 0:14:00 | |
What do you think hell is like? | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
Lurgan. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:05 | |
-What's that noise? It's the lift. -Oh, right. Who is it? -It's today's band. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:12 | |
It's one of the most promising female singers I think I have ever heard. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:16 | |
-Is it Pixie Lott? -No. -Is it Duffy? | 0:14:16 | 0:14:19 | |
No. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:20 | |
-Gary Lightbody? -Better than that. It's a band called Silhouette. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:27 | |
-Hello. -Hi. Hello. -Hi, guys. -What's the craic with this band? | 0:14:27 | 0:14:34 | |
-The lead singer of this band... She's called Shauna. -Right. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:39 | |
-Hi! -Hi, Shuana. -Hi, Pablo. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:41 | |
-Hang on a minute. I think you fancy her. -No! | 0:14:41 | 0:14:46 | |
-No! -You do! You love her! | 0:14:46 | 0:14:51 | |
-You love her! You want to marry her! -Shut up. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:54 | |
-Shut up. -You want to marry her and have little Pablettes. -Shut up. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:58 | |
Tell us, Shauna, about your band. How long have you been together? | 0:14:58 | 0:15:02 | |
About a year and a half, two years. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:06 | |
-Do you have a website? -Aye, we've got a website! -Right. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:11 | |
-Do you want me to give it to you? -Yeah. Any time. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:16 | |
It's myspace.com/silhouetteofficial. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
-Official, right. -Do you know how to spell Silhouette? | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
-We'll give it a go. Happy days. -Go on in, then! | 0:15:22 | 0:15:27 | |
-Let us hear what you're made of! -Cheers! Bye! -See ya! | 0:15:27 | 0:15:33 | |
Shauna! Shauna! Bye-bye! | 0:15:33 | 0:15:37 | |
You are so in there. She was undressing you with her eyes. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:42 | |
-She had that trackie top off you. -I get that a lot. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:45 | |
Now, onto the mystery quiz, where a caller has two minutes to guess our mystery item. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:50 | |
Once again, we're playing with returning champion, Jez. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:53 | |
-Jez, are you ready? -'Ready!' -Your time starts now! | 0:15:53 | 0:15:58 | |
-It's something to kick. -'Is it the poor?' -No. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:02 | |
-Mind you, a lot of poor people worship this item. -'Oh, Jeremy Kyle.' | 0:16:02 | 0:16:05 | |
-No. It's leathery, and was at its height in the '70s. -'Tom Jones?' -No. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:09 | |
'Is it a huge underground structure that scientists are using | 0:16:09 | 0:16:13 | |
'to isolate the Higgs-Boson particle and replicate the Big Bang?' | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
It isn't that Large Hadron Collider, no. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
'Has it appeared on the Internet with a banana, a donkey and one of the weathermen off Sky News?' | 0:16:18 | 0:16:22 | |
No, it's not Steeky's ma. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
It's round, full of air, everyone would love to kick it, and people get very annoyed about it sometimes. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:29 | |
'Oh, you haven't brought Stephen Nolan into the studio, have you? | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
-'Oh, wait. Is it a football?' -How do you do it? | 0:16:32 | 0:16:35 | |
-Every flipping time. -'Ha-ha!' | 0:16:35 | 0:16:36 | |
-Look, there's the lift going! Who is it? -I don't know. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:41 | |
What you call the wee fella? Whats-his-face? | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
Our next guest often hears people saying that he puts up a plucky front. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:47 | |
Or at least that's what he thinks they're saying. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:49 | |
From The Apprentice, please welcome Ben Clarke! | 0:16:49 | 0:16:53 | |
I think you've a fire in the kitchen, there, lads. | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
-Sit your wee self down there. -How are you doing? -I am exceptionally well. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:06 | |
-What about you? -Not too bad, thanks. -You're looking well. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
-I don't know. I think I'm getting a bit fat, to be honest. -You are. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:13 | |
Can I ask you, that's a rather unusual surname, Clarke-From-The-Apprentice. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:17 | |
Is that Dutch-Irish? | 0:17:17 | 0:17:19 | |
The big forehead would suggest I am slightly Dutch. | 0:17:19 | 0:17:22 | |
So, Ben, how are you getting on at Sandhurst? | 0:17:22 | 0:17:25 | |
-Unfortunately, I didn't go. I should have gone, shouldn't I? -He lost his bottle! | 0:17:25 | 0:17:29 | |
-He lost his bottle! -Did you chicken it? | 0:17:29 | 0:17:32 | |
THEY CLUCK | 0:17:32 | 0:17:36 | |
Could you lend me and egg, Ben? | 0:17:36 | 0:17:38 | |
Are you maybe waiting until David Cameron pulls the troops out of Afghanistan | 0:17:38 | 0:17:42 | |
so you don't go and get your balls shot off? | 0:17:42 | 0:17:44 | |
I could get posted in Northern Ireland, couldn't I? | 0:17:44 | 0:17:47 | |
There'd be plenty of people who would like to shoot the balls out of you there. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:51 | |
-Let's face it. -That's what I was thinking! -Absolutely. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:56 | |
Ben, you were on that Dating In The Dark show, yeah? | 0:17:56 | 0:17:58 | |
That was an absolute 'mare. An absolute disaster. That's right. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:03 | |
You were blown out by a girl with massive big jugs. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:05 | |
-I know, they were class. -Why do you think that happened? Did the lights go on? | 0:18:05 | 0:18:09 | |
I think she kind of realised that all I wanted to do was motorboat her and from there... | 0:18:09 | 0:18:14 | |
-Sorry, what? -Do what? -Motorboat her. -Moat her boat her? What? | 0:18:14 | 0:18:18 | |
This is what you do. You stick your head between his tits, and you go... | 0:18:18 | 0:18:22 | |
Like that. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
-Oh, motorboat. Right! -You said "moat her boat her". | 0:18:24 | 0:18:28 | |
-You're posh, we can't understand you. -Sorry about that. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:32 | |
-I love the way he talks. -Say "How now, brown cow?" | 0:18:32 | 0:18:36 | |
"How now, brown cow?" | 0:18:36 | 0:18:38 | |
EXAGGERATED MIMIC: "How now, brown cow?" "How now, brown cow!" | 0:18:38 | 0:18:41 | |
"It's how now, brown cow?" say it. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:46 | |
How now, brown cow? | 0:18:46 | 0:18:49 | |
-That's better! -By George, I think he's got it! | 0:18:49 | 0:18:53 | |
-Now you're talking proper! -Good man! -OK. -Good man. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:57 | |
Listen, we want to ask you a question, | 0:18:57 | 0:18:59 | |
because of your incredible business acumen. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
-OK. -Me and Pablo here, we've a... How would you describe it? | 0:19:02 | 0:19:07 | |
..a lucrative flour distribution business. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:10 | |
Have you any advice on how we could expand our business | 0:19:10 | 0:19:13 | |
into further markets and territories without increasing | 0:19:13 | 0:19:16 | |
the chances of the PSNI beating in our back door? | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
Pay them off! | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
-Ahhhh! -The boy's got the smarts! | 0:19:21 | 0:19:25 | |
-Would you be our business manager? -Would you like to come on board? -And sell flour for you? | 0:19:25 | 0:19:30 | |
They won't be able to search you, cos you look under age. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
You've got to think about it. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
-Running a flour business is like running any other business. -Right. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
In terms of economics, if you take the world's big flour producers, | 0:19:39 | 0:19:43 | |
based in South America, the way their operations are run, | 0:19:43 | 0:19:46 | |
very, very similar to the way other major Fortune 500 company is run. | 0:19:46 | 0:19:51 | |
-Is that right? -Same structures. It's just a different product. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:55 | |
-Am I actually like the CEO? -Technically, yeah. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:58 | |
C-O-C-K, more like. | 0:19:58 | 0:20:01 | |
Ben, stay there. Don't move a muscle and I'll be right back. Hold on. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:06 | |
TECHNO MUSIC | 0:20:06 | 0:20:09 | |
Weee! | 0:20:11 | 0:20:12 | |
Weee! | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
You appeared on the RTE show Lords Of The Ring. | 0:20:18 | 0:20:22 | |
Was that a remake of Queer As Folk? | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:20:24 | 0:20:27 | |
It wasn't far off, to be honest! | 0:20:27 | 0:20:30 | |
-Was it like boxing, yeah? -It was. -Who were you fighting? | 0:20:30 | 0:20:34 | |
I got pulled out by the doctor before I got to fight. | 0:20:34 | 0:20:39 | |
You got pulled off? | 0:20:39 | 0:20:40 | |
I was gutted. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:41 | |
Who were you meant to fight? | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
I was meant to fight Paul Martin. The showbiz journo from The Mirror. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:48 | |
PABLO GROWLS Easy, easy. | 0:20:48 | 0:20:50 | |
Has he been slagging off your show? | 0:20:50 | 0:20:51 | |
He's been milking the whole Stephen Gately thing | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
-and that's a big idol of Pablo's. It's a bit personal. -I'll never forget you, Stephen. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:59 | |
He had the greatest technique of standing off the stool at the key change I've ever seen. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:04 | |
He was the master. The master. The Gately. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:08 | |
That move is now called The Gately. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
-The Gately? -How come the doctor pulled you off? | 0:21:10 | 0:21:14 | |
A suspected aneurysm on my head. In my brain. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:18 | |
Wow. They discovered you actually had a brain, brilliant! | 0:21:18 | 0:21:21 | |
-I was delighted myself. -At that stage in life, that's pretty handy. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:25 | |
Mum and Dad threw a party for me and everything. They were as shocked as I was. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:29 | |
This being a radio station, we often ask our guests what sort of stuff they life music-wise. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:35 | |
What do you like? | 0:21:35 | 0:21:36 | |
-Love Snow Patrol. -Shite. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
-Kings Of Leon. -Shite. -Shite. -Shite? What do you like? Scooter? | 0:21:39 | 0:21:42 | |
-Tiesto. Scooter. -Scooter, Tiesto? | 0:21:42 | 0:21:45 | |
PABLO BEATBOXES | 0:21:45 | 0:21:46 | |
Nice one. Bring the beats, Pabs. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:49 | |
BEATBOXING CONTINUES You feeling it, Ben? | 0:21:49 | 0:21:51 | |
I can get into that. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
Ben from The Apprentice, where are you going to be in two years' time? | 0:21:53 | 0:21:57 | |
Hopefully in somewhere like Hong Kong | 0:21:57 | 0:22:01 | |
on a trading floor making lots of money. | 0:22:01 | 0:22:05 | |
Is money really better than sex? | 0:22:05 | 0:22:07 | |
That's a good question. I only said it to get on the show. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:13 | |
You've got to sell to your audience, | 0:22:13 | 0:22:16 | |
and if your audience is a load of researchers, tell them what they want to hear. | 0:22:16 | 0:22:20 | |
I was wondering in case maybe you'd never had sex. That's a ridiculous thing to say. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:26 | |
It's quite a likely thing that could happen. Ugly mug, fat keg. | 0:22:26 | 0:22:32 | |
-I've got terrible chat for a woman. -Have you got bad breath too? | 0:22:32 | 0:22:37 | |
Bad chat, bad breath... | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
-Tiny wiener? -Tiny. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
A weenus? | 0:22:41 | 0:22:43 | |
-A mangina? -A weenus? | 0:22:43 | 0:22:45 | |
I've been known to sport the mangina once in a while. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:49 | |
-I think our work here is done. -Yes. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:51 | |
Ben Clarke from The Apprentice! Thank you very much. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:55 | |
Thank you, lads. | 0:22:55 | 0:22:57 | |
-Show the man out and then lock the door, please. -I shall do. | 0:22:57 | 0:23:00 | |
Toodle-loo! | 0:23:02 | 0:23:04 | |
Pity about the whole Sandhurst thing but pleasure to meet you. Good luck. | 0:23:04 | 0:23:08 | |
Thank you very much. I'm going to need it. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:11 | |
Aye. Sandhurst. Girl Guides, more like. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:19 | |
Ben Clarke there! Ben famously said that making money is better than sex. | 0:23:19 | 0:23:26 | |
Obviously he's never been rimmed by a Portuguese hooker while another sucks coke off his bell end. | 0:23:26 | 0:23:31 | |
Our thanks to Jackie Fullerton for that observation. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
-AMERICAN ACCENTS -Jackie Fullerton? -Jackie Fullerton. | 0:23:35 | 0:23:38 | |
Jackie Fullerton? | 0:23:38 | 0:23:39 | |
Jackie Fuller-TON. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:41 | |
Jack-ee Full-ER-ton. | 0:23:41 | 0:23:42 | |
Jackie Full-erton. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
Jack-IE Full-er-ton. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:46 | |
Jackie Fullerton. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
Ah-league leaders Linfield-ah. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:50 | |
Are playing ah-Liverpool. | 0:23:50 | 0:23:52 | |
Slow, slow, quick, quick. 2-1. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:57 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:23:57 | 0:23:58 | |
David Healy, Northern Ireland. | 0:23:58 | 0:24:01 | |
I've got a big shout out here for Seamus from Fermanagh, and that's from his auntie, mother and sister. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:07 | |
Aw, three women who love him. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:09 | |
It was just the one woman, actually. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:12 | |
-And who's the next caller? -'Hi, It's Graham, here.' | 0:24:12 | 0:24:16 | |
Graham-boooo! | 0:24:16 | 0:24:18 | |
-What can we do you for? -'I was wondering if you know how to use a tranquiliser gun.' | 0:24:18 | 0:24:22 | |
Eh... how big is the thing you want to drug? | 0:24:22 | 0:24:26 | |
'ELEPHANT TRUMPETS' | 0:24:26 | 0:24:27 | |
I'm not sure we can help you, mate. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
'I don't want to get a dart gun. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
'Just beat it to death with a shovel or something. Thanks. That was useful. | 0:24:32 | 0:24:35 | |
'Do you fellas know anything about the ivory trade?' | 0:24:35 | 0:24:38 | |
Do you not screen these calls?! | 0:24:38 | 0:24:41 | |
Producer Pablo, produce this. What are we doing now? | 0:24:41 | 0:24:45 | |
It's time to sojourn to the boudoir | 0:24:45 | 0:24:48 | |
to hear that band we were talking about earlier. | 0:24:48 | 0:24:52 | |
They are Silhouette and this track is called Volume Destroyed. | 0:24:52 | 0:24:56 | |
# Volume destroyed | 0:25:06 | 0:25:08 | |
# My brand new fluffy toy | 0:25:08 | 0:25:10 | |
# The childish dream | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
# Wasn't listening | 0:25:12 | 0:25:15 | |
# Send you to go | 0:25:15 | 0:25:17 | |
# I swear you'll love me more | 0:25:17 | 0:25:18 | |
# Another day | 0:25:18 | 0:25:20 | |
# Can't live my life this way | 0:25:20 | 0:25:23 | |
# Yeah | 0:25:23 | 0:25:25 | |
# Don't wait, wait up | 0:25:41 | 0:25:43 | |
# So confusing, I can't | 0:25:43 | 0:25:45 | |
# Make up my mind | 0:25:45 | 0:25:47 | |
# Got me in a spin | 0:25:47 | 0:25:49 | |
# Watch me, ignore me | 0:25:49 | 0:25:52 | |
# If you want me, no | 0:25:52 | 0:25:54 | |
# Love me, hate me | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
# Depends what mood you're in | 0:25:56 | 0:25:58 | |
# Your volume destroyed | 0:25:58 | 0:26:00 | |
# My brand new fluffy toy | 0:26:00 | 0:26:02 | |
# The childish dream | 0:26:02 | 0:26:03 | |
# Wasn't listening | 0:26:03 | 0:26:07 | |
# Send you to go I swear you'll love me more | 0:26:07 | 0:26:10 | |
# Another day | 0:26:10 | 0:26:12 | |
# Can't live my life this way | 0:26:12 | 0:26:15 | |
# Yeah, yeah, yeah | 0:26:15 | 0:26:17 | |
# Ow-wow-wow-wow-ow | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
# Yeah, yeah, yeah | 0:26:19 | 0:26:21 | |
# Ow-wow-wow-wow-ow | 0:26:21 | 0:26:24 | |
# Little blue bird | 0:26:24 | 0:26:26 | |
# It's flyin', it's flyin' | 0:26:26 | 0:26:29 | |
# It's magic white wings | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
# Surrounding my cars | 0:26:31 | 0:26:33 | |
# And all the pretty eyes | 0:26:33 | 0:26:36 | |
# They're staring, staring at me | 0:26:36 | 0:26:38 | |
# And I can't control myself | 0:26:38 | 0:26:42 | |
# Don't wait, wait up | 0:26:43 | 0:26:45 | |
# So confusing | 0:26:45 | 0:26:46 | |
# I can't make up my mind | 0:26:46 | 0:26:50 | |
# Got me in a spin | 0:26:50 | 0:26:51 | |
# Watch me, ignore me | 0:26:51 | 0:26:53 | |
# If you only knew | 0:26:53 | 0:26:56 | |
# Love me, hate me | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
# Depends what mood you're in | 0:26:58 | 0:26:59 | |
# Your volume destroyed | 0:26:59 | 0:27:01 | |
# My brand new fluffy toy | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 | |
# The childish dream | 0:27:04 | 0:27:06 | |
# Wasn't listening | 0:27:06 | 0:27:08 | |
# Send you to go | 0:27:08 | 0:27:10 | |
# I swear you'll love me more | 0:27:10 | 0:27:12 | |
# Another day | 0:27:12 | 0:27:14 | |
# Can't live my life this way | 0:27:14 | 0:27:17 | |
# Yeah, yeah, yeah | 0:27:17 | 0:27:19 | |
# Ow-wow-wow-wow-ow | 0:27:19 | 0:27:21 | |
# Yeah, yeah, yeah | 0:27:21 | 0:27:23 | |
# Ow-wow-wow-wow-ow | 0:27:23 | 0:27:26 | |
# Yeah, yeah, yeah | 0:27:26 | 0:27:28 | |
# Ow-wow-wow-wow-ow | 0:27:28 | 0:27:30 | |
# Yeah, yeah, yeah | 0:27:30 | 0:27:32 | |
# Ow-wow-wow-wow-ow. # | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:27:44 | 0:27:47 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:27:47 | 0:27:50 | |
That is one hell of a fancy bracelet your bird's got. | 0:28:05 | 0:28:08 | |
Nah, she's on bail. It's an electronic tag. | 0:28:08 | 0:28:10 | |
Ooh, that's awful! | 0:28:10 | 0:28:12 | |
It's been mis-wired. Every time I send her a text she pisses herself! | 0:28:12 | 0:28:16 |