Ye Olde Dragons' Den

Hello and welcome

to this special inventors' edition of Dragons' Den.

We'll be looking back at classic moments from the show's history,

going back 500 years before the birth of television.

Before even the birth of Duncan Bannatyne.

He'll be here, joined by fellow Dragons Hilary Devey,

Deborah Meaden and Theo Paphitis.

Although they may look a little bit different.

Get ready for some great inventions from some extraordinary people.

So let's meet the first inventor to brave the Dragons' Den.

Our first entrepreneur is John H Jonson from Canada.

He's letting rip with his company's new invention.

Will the Dragons be blown away?

Hey, y'all. Good day, reptiles.

The name's John H Johnson. President of the Toronto JEM Rubber company.

The pleasure is all yours.

BUZZING

Shocking sense of humour, right?

Let's get down to business.

Since the beginning of time,

man has delighted in the noble tradition of the trouser trumpet.

HE FARTS

One day, at my factory, experimenting with two sheets of rubber,

one of my guys struck comedy gold.

Ladies and jellybeans, I give you the Whoopee Cushion.

FART!

Isn't that the funniest thing you ever heard?!

That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard.

She who smelled it, dealt it.

I'm sorry, John, but on what occasion would you want to

use one of these deplorable things?

On what occasion would you NOT want to use one? At the movies.

FART!

Over your Christmas dinner.

FART!

Meeting a member of the royal family.

FART!

-I got a trump for every occasion.

-That's terrible.

What if a child were to get hold of one?!

Then I hope they buy ten of them. That's my target market - kids.

-I'm sorry, John, but I think your product stinks.

-Good one, Debbie.

-I'm out.

-Better out than in, that's what I always say.

Nobody can afford to waste money on one of those things.

It's the Great Depression.

This ought to cheer them up then, eh?

Don't take my word for it. Try them yourselves.

John has brought samples to help the Dragons.

Let's just hope they don't drop one.

The extra large.

Dunc, a grande.

JOHN AND DUNCAN LAUGH

Sorry, I just remembered something funny.

You make my foot itch.

This invention is the work of a complete idiot. I'm out.

Stop it. Flatulence will get you nowhere.

I will have you know I'm a highly respectable businesswoman.

I didn't come here to be ridiculed.

FART!

It's not funny!

With three Dragons out and just Duncan Bannatyne remaining,

has John blown it?

John, I won't lie. Your idea is...

idiotic and incredibly silly.

It'll only appeal to somebody with a really childish sense of humour.

I'm in.

Good to hear, Dunc. You got a deal. Let's shake on it.

Despite initial opposition,

the whoopee cushion went on to become a world-wide phenomenon.

Woo-hoo!

Although no one actually knows the name of the original inventor.

Leonardo da Vinci is a man of many talents.

Unfortunately, staying focused isn't one of them.

Hello, Dragons! I like the look of you all.

Not you. But you, I could paint and paint.

But you, I would need a lot of paint

I am cheeky, no?

No!

I am Leonardo da Vinci.

I know, is so exciting for you.

I am a genius painter,

sculptor, architect, musician, mathematician, engineer,

anatomist, botanist and winner of Best Beard in Italy 1489.

-What have you got for us today, my love?

-That smile. It is beautiful.

I paint it.

One day, I create incredible portrait but I got bored of that.

I put my genius meant to inventing a boat that paddles by itself

with no need for the sails, or the rowings.

-Imagine it.

-Let's see it then.

-Ta-da!

-It's a drawing.

-No. It's a very good drawing. It's genius.

Have you got a working model of you boat?

I start to make a model of the boat but I got bored of that.

I guess we'd all drown.

You would not drown

because I have invented a way of breathing under the waters.

Leonardo's ground-breaking idea has got the Dragons excited.

Did you say "breathing under water"?

That could be very useful when I have my next bath.

DRAGONS: At Christmas.

Leonardo? Leonardo?

Unable to focus long enough to finish his pitch,

Leonardo is really starting to annoy the Dragons.

You're really starting to annoy the Dragons.

Listen, bozo, about this underwater breathing apparatus?

I could get behind that.

Too late! I bored of that,

but I have invented the cart that doesn't need the horse!

We've all got servants to pull us around.

-I've got six.

-I've got seven.

I've got a thousand.

No, no, no!

This is a cart that doesn't need any things to pull it along!

It runs off springs!

This could be the big one.

If Leonardo has a working model of his self-propelled cart,

the Dragons are sure to invest.

-Can we see it?

-Of course!

Listen, love, no-one will ever take you seriously

until you actually finish something.

Is OK. I finish this. I bored of you. I go.

I go design magic cannon.

Is beautiful. I paint it. Ciao!

It seems Leonardo has finally got the picture.

Next up, another brave inventor who thinks he's got what it takes,

but will the Dragons agree?

For centuries, man has dreamed of conquering the skies.

Will entrepreneur Sir George Cayley prove to be a high-flyer or

will he come crashing down to earth?

Hello. Hello. Name's Cayley, Baronet.

Member of Parliament and brilliant inventor.

I have devised an idea to revolutionise transport.

-For which I require 300 sovereigns.

-He wants 300 quid.

Oh.

My creation will allow man to slip the bonds of gravity

and soar above the earth.

I proudly present the glider.

Dash it all. I forgot the wings.

Appleby.

Well done, that man. Appleby is my test pilot.

Coachman, Sir.

It's test pilot now, Appleby.

Anyway, you see the wings here on the model?

Because of the curvature of the wings,

air travelling over the top has to go faster than air travelling

underneath, thus reducing pressure and creating lift.

I'm sure you understand.

It's all about the angle of the wing. That's pretty much about it.

So, why am I here?

I was beginning to wonder that myself.

Let's have a look at that wee thing here.

It's been a rather confused pitch from George,

but Hillary Devey seems to have something on her mind.

-I want a word with your test pilot.

-Coachman, man.

-This thing, does it work?

-Eventually, ma'am.

-Hello, Appleby.

I love the sound of soaring through the sky.

What's it like when you're flying? Does it get windy?

Only if I get a bit scared, ma'am.

Or if I've had bean curry.

Actually, that gave me rather a good idea for breaking the sound barrier.

-Can I give it a go?

-Be my guest.

What's it like when you're up there flying? Is it safe up there?

In the air? Absolutely.

It's the crashing into the ground that causes the problems.

Isn't that right, Appleby?

-What about the costs?

-My biggest expenditure is on cloth.

-"Quoth"?!

-Cloth.

-Cloth.

-What, for the wings?

-No. For the bandages.

Oh, George.

You're a lovely fellow, but this is all pie in the sky.

-I'm afraid I'm out.

-It's a blow for George with the first Dragon out.

What about Duncan Bannatyne and Hillary Devey?

I'm sorry, George,

but your invention doesn't get off the runway for me. I'm out.

Sorry, George.

I don't like to beat about the bush, but I'm from Lancashire.

We like to keep our feet on the ground. I'm out.

With three of the Dragons out,

George's only hope is Theo Paphitis.

I'm really liking this.

Where do you see it going?

Anywhere in the world.

Before all that, we need an awful lot more testing. More testing?

You must be flipping joking. I'm out.

Appleby! Appleby! You can't leave me now.

I was going to push you off that cliff.

Appleby! Appleby! Come fly with me!

It's not unusual for different people to lay claim to the

same invention.

Guten morgen, meine herren und damen.

I am Otto Lilienthal, I come from Germany

and I am seeking 10,000 marks.

He wants a hundred quid.

I'm going to stop you right there.

We've seen a glider already from that Cayley chappie. I'm out.

What?!

We've already had a glider!

Watch it!

Hold your horses, Otto. There's something about your idea I like.

Those are the best set of shoulder pads I've ever seen.

Now get over here, I want to try 'em on.

Nein! I'm out!

CRASH!

Sadly, things didn't pick up for Otto.

Despite many successful flights,

he was fatally injured while testing his glider.

Just a few years later, the ideas he'd developed

would help the Wright brothers fly the world's very first aeroplane.

What was that about a fatal injury?

Nothing.

I have a lie down now.

Another entrepreneur who fell short in the game is William Addis.

The Addis toothbrush.

Built from bone and furnished with bristles from the bushiest badgers.

Any questions?

I like this idea of yours, but is there really a market for it?

Is there?

Thanks to all the sugar coming in from the colonies, British

teeth are falling apart quicker than a house made of crackers.

William, would you us a moment?

It is Den first.

The Dragons have decided to work together,

but what can they be planning?

William, we've been thinking.

You're a great salesman and your toothbrush is very clever idea.

-We're out. All of us.

-But, surely...

-Sorry.

After that pitch of yours, there's only one thing we can do.

Invest all our money on sugar.

LAUGHTER

So far, in Ye Olde Dragons' Den, the two gliders failed to take off,

although Hillary Devey saw a different kind of potential.

Those are the best set of shoulder pads I've ever seen.

Duncan Bannatyne blew some money on John H Johnson whoopee cushion.

-I'm in.

-Leonardo proved something of a MOANER. Mona Lisa, get it?

To late. I'm bored of that.

Will the Dragons feel like investing

when faced by the first windscreen wiper?

-Or a secret communications device.

-Ssh!

Next up, another brave inventor who thinks she's got what it takes

but will the Dragons agree?

Sometimes small ideas can make a big difference.

Our next entrepreneur is American cattle farmer Mary Anderson.

She is harnessed her skills as an inventor

but can she grab the bull by the horns and wrangle ideal?

Yee-ha!

Stick 'em up and give me all your money.

SHE LAUGHS

Just messing with you all.

Howdy, partners. Or should I say business partners?

The name is Mary Jane Alice

Tiffany Darlene Marlene Charlene

Donna Louana Savannah Candice Anderson.

But you can call me Mary.

She's made a big entrance but can she muster

and trends in her big idea?

Today I'm spoiling for some investing in my latest invention.

As they say, up in "Me-hico".

Voila!

What is this ingenious device? I can hear you ask.

Hold onto your breeches and listen up.

I'm not offering 10% slice of the pie and in return,

-I'm asking for 16 buckaroonees and a round of root beer.

-Is that 100 quid?

I've no idea. I don't know what she's talking about.

I needs me a volunteer. Any takers?

Don't fret. I don't bite none.

-You there.

-Who? Me?

-You'll do might fine.

DRAGONS: On you go.

All righty, now.

Time for a little role-playing. What's your name, Twinkle-toots?

-My name is Duncan.

-Nice to make your acquaintance, Duncan.

Let's pretend you're the driver of a trolley car.

That there is a big old front window, say?

You're driving your trolley car one winter's day when suddenly,

it starts to rain.

What are bootful of rattlesnake. You can see nothing, can you?

-You open the window and then what happens?

-I've no idea.

That's right. You done get wet. That was nought but a drizzle.

The next day, it could be torrential!

Yes, sir-ee. Driving in bad weather can be hazardous. Look out now.

It's a-hailin'

If it starts to snow...

..You're in a real doozy.

I had me an inkling of an idea to build something that wipes windows.

The wipers wipe the windscreen and the windscreen done get wiped.

I call it a - wait for it - windscreen wiper.

-Any questions?

-I'm sorry, Mary, but I don't use trolley cars. I'm out.

If that don't tickle your fancy,

-the wipers can be used for automobiles as well.

-Automobiles.

There are just a passing fad. I'm out.

I'm sorry, darling. It's great to see someone finally lasso Duncan,

but I'm out.

With the other Dragons out,

Mary's last remaining hope is Duncan Bannatyne.

Has he warmed to her idea?

Being cold and wet is horrible.

People will pay wodges of cash to stay nice and warm and dry.

-I'm in.

-You are?

-Aye.

-Truly dooley?

-Truly.

-Well, yee-ha!

Unfortunately, Mary Anderson never became rich from her invention.

Despite owning the idea, it was too easy to copy

and the carmakers refused to splash out.

Time now for our next inventor to brave the Dragons' Den.

Will he be grilled and given a good roasting?

Back in the Renaissance, the Dragons are hooking up with an old friend.

It's me. Leonardo da Vinci.

DRAGONS: I was busy painting a picture of a moody lady -

not you - but I'm bored of that so I'm back.

I look for three bags of gold coins for my new invention. The parachute.

I like it!

When a man is falling through the air,

the largest surface area inside catches the air

and causes a drag making him fall slower

so he does not crash down and die in a big splattering mess.

What use is that to anyone?

When was the last time anyone fell through the air?

-I fell out of bed this morning.

-I thought exactly the same thing.

Only I thought it better because I am a genius.

A man might fall through the air

if he's toppled out of my other invention - a machine that flies.

With this, he can fly through the air like a bat.

Who's ever going to be interested in being a batman?!

I agree.

It's a boring rubbish. That's why I invent the helicopter.

It's like a big fan. I am a big fan of the big five. It's beautiful.

I paint it.

All we are asking for is a working model of one of your inventions.

Have you got one?

No.

Then I'm out.

I'm afraid of heights.

I'm not going anywhere near any of your flying machines. I'm out.

Leonardo has already lost two of the Dragons.

It looks like Duncan Bannatyne

and Hillary Devey are planning something.

Will he be thrown a lifeline?

Here is what we are going to do.

Me and Hillary have had a word

and we might be able to make you an offer.

Yes. There's a lot of potential in your inventions.

You're obviously a very intelligent man so I think...

Oh, I'm bored of you now.

Aye, me too. I'm out.

On your helicopter, sunshine. Go on.

It's OK. I draw a big war machine. It's horrible. I paint it. Ciao.

Ooh(!)

As well is testing flight and weaponry,

-it seems Leonardo is testing the Dragons' patience.

-Evan, my friend.

I like you. You are a big presenter. We should hang out sometime.

-I will write a script for you. Write it back words.

-Thank you.

-I'd like to see you're back words writing.

-No. I'm bored of you.

It's boring. Ciao.

Let's meet our next inventor.

It's the middle of World War II

and our next entrepreneur Hedy Lamarr and George Antheil

have come from Hollywood. Hedy is

one of the world's most famous actresses.

Will it be lights, camera,

action or will they hit the cutting room floor?

Good afternoon. My name is Hedy Lamarr.

I am a scientist, a budding mathematician

and movie actress.

DRAGONS: Ooh!

This is my neighbour, the film composer George Antheil.

DRAGONS: Ohh...

Hello, darlings. It's fabulous to meet you.

We are here to tell you about our proposal for a secret

communications system.

Ssh!

It's OK, George. We can trust them.

We must check for hidden devices.

MUSIC: "Mission Impossible Theme"

Do you have anything, George?

There's a strange smell of rotten egg.

All right, get on with it.

We begin now.

You may be familiar with the player piano.

A keyboard that plays by itself thanks to a roll of paper like so.

This one plays Beethoven. This one plays jazz.

And this one plays nursery rhymes.

With the different holes, the piano can play 88 different notes.

My favourite is E flat. It's so cold and yet so tender.

By using paper like this,

we can make a radio jump between 88 different frequencies.

Everything from this - bzzz - to this - eeeeh!

Dazzled by Hedy's fame and beauty,

no-one has the faintest idea what she's talking about.

All of which means we have a secret code that is...unbreakable.

This concludes my presentation on the secret communications system.

Ssh!

It's OK, George. They know. I've told them.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE. Bravo.

-Any questions?

-I love your films. Could I have your autograph, please?

-Not now. Please.

-Could you sign this poster, please?

-I think you are brilliant.

-Stop it. Stop asking me for autographs.

Hedy, can I ask George a question?

-What is your question, please?

-Can you get me Hedy's autograph?

Enough! I want to talk about my invention, OK?

-You mean the secret communications system?

-EVERYONE: Ssh!

This system could be used for all kind of wireless technology.

Telephones, computers, even navigation from space.

Wireless technology? That's about as likely as other blue tooth!

Mrs P says it's nonsense. You should talk to my wifey.

Blue tooth, wifey.

-I'm going to write that down.

-I'm sorry, Hedy. I love your movies.

You're a great actress, but I'm out.

Me too. Fabulous performance, but I'm bowing out. Me too.

You're a big picture but you no block buster. I'm out.

All but one of the Dragons has dropped out.

-Only Duncan Bannatyne remains interested.

-I remain interested.

How much investment are you looking for?

We are looking for 50,000 in return for a 10% share.

All right. I'm in.

Excellent. This is the happiest day of my life.

-Just sign this wee contract I have here.

-How would you like me to sign?

Could you just put to Duncan from your greatest pal and fan, Hedy.

SHE SCREECHES

Although her idea went on to play a starring

role in the creation of Wi-fi, Bluetooth and GPS technology,

Hedy Lamarr never got the recognition

she deserves it for her secret communication system.

Ssh! It's a secret.

The Dragons have just got time for one more pitch,

but there's something a bit familiar about the final entrepreneur.

Hello. It's somebody else here. Definitely not Leonardo da Vinci.

I am looking for an investment from all your bags of gold

for a zero percent share in my company.

You look very familiar, love. Haven't we seen you earlier?

-Definitely not. You haven't seen the year before.

-You can't fool me.

I never forget a face. Do I, Theo?

I'm Hillary.

OK, OK. It's me.

-Have you got some more silly drawings for us?

-No.

I'm bored with inventing now. I come back to painting.

You are all such beautiful specimens. Not you.

I come to paint your beauty, your wisdom, your big bags of money.

-It's beautiful. I paint it.

-It might be nice hanging over the fireplace.

I can't think of anything better than a massive picture of me.

You, up here, by his side like the loving wife. I know.

It's hard to pretend. Like this.

You are like the little baby in the arms of your mamma.

Beautiful. You are the beautiful, beautiful puppy. Just here. Sit.

PANTING

It's almost perfect. Just one more thing.

THEY PROTEST

It's perfect. Now you have my genius and I take your money.

It's nice doing business with you. Ciao.

And so Leonardo did manage to leave with the Dragons' money.

Even if they didn't want him to.

That's it for now, but, who knows, in 50 years' time,

it could be you pitching an invention that will change

the world only to have it rejected by a grumpy Duncan Bannatyne.

On behalf of myself and all the Dragons, throughout history,

goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd