Genie in the Lamp Bear Behaving Badly


Genie in the Lamp

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Transcript


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That magic lamp must be somewhere around here.

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I need it for my TV role as Aladdin later today.

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Come on, who's moved it? Ah... Crazy Keith.

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NEV GASPS AND LAUGHS

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This watering can's rubbish, mate.

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That is not a watering can, it's my magic lamp.

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I need it for my TV show this afternoon.

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TV show? Oh, can I be in it?

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-I could be the genie of the lamp.

-Well, I'm sure you'd make...

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-Bonzer! I know just what to wear!

-No, no, wait!

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How does he do that?

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One of these days, he'll get caught by Mr Prank.

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-Angry Pants!

-He will be Angry Pants when he finds a koala living here.

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-Anyway, fancy helping me rehearse my lines?

-OK, Barney.

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Yes, another good job done, Mr Prank.

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Time for a well-deserved early lunch.

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SQUELCH!

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Bloomin' birds! I wish they'd...

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-BARNEY:

-Genie of the lamp, can you hear me?

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Genie?

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I command you appear and grant me three wishes.

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Now, Nev, you're supposed to say, "Speak, o master,

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"your wish is my command."

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Yeah?

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-Love you, Barney.

-I love you too. Listen...

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I tell you what, why don't I go and show you how to do it? Yeah?

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Watch how it's done.

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BLOWING ECHOES

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-ECHOING:

-Genie of the lamp, I command you appear

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and grant me three wishes.

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-DEEPER:

-Speak, o master, your wish is my command.

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His wish? If anybody round here deserves three wishes, it's me!

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D'you hear? Me!

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Waahhh!

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CRASHING

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HE GROWLS

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Right, well, I've got the costume.

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All I need now is the hat.

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Ah, perfect! Ha-ha!

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Oh, too small!

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Too big!

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You gotta be kidding me!

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Oh, wackadoo! Perfect!

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I'm having those three wishes.

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If there's a genie in Mr Barney's flat,

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I've gotta meet him.

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Which means I've gotta get Mr Barney out of the way.

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Yeah...

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But how?

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Oh, Beatrice. She can help me with Mr Barney.

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Easy-peasy.

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HE LAUGHS

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BELL CHIMES

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FIZZING AND CRACKLING

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BELL CHIMES REPEATEDLY

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HE MUTTERS AND GROWLS

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Mr Prank, is, um, is everything all right?

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No, Beatrice, it most certainly isn't.

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I no...

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I noticed you hadn't restocked the shelves in my ice-cream van yet.

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I don't remember you asking me to.

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-No, that's true.

-And I'll need help.

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Don't look at me, I've got other cubes to freeze.

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But who else can I ask?

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Why don't you ask that gogglebox extra from over the road?

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-Barney?

-Yes, I'm sure he'd love to help you.

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-Do you think so?

-Oh, yes.

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I'm counting on it.

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I'm so pleased you can help. I'm so busy at the moment with college.

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-No problem, we'll get it sorted in no time.

-Excuse me, Mr Barney.

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Would you mind if I go in and clean the windows?

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-Sure, go for it, Mr P.

-Thank you very much, sir.

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I'll give you "Mr P".

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Hello...bear.

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Are you there?

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Mr Angry Pants!

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HE SNEEZES

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My allergy to that great, blue fur-ball...

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HE SNEEZES

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..might be annoying...

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-HE SNEEZES

-..but it comes in useful...

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-HE SNEEZES

-..when I wanna track him down.

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HE SNIFFS AND SNEEZES

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Uh!

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Kitchen! Ha-ha! I know you're here!

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Ooh.

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Just what the doctor ordered!

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HE LAUGHS

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HE EATS VERY NOISILY

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Banana, jam...

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..custard...

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..sprouts?!

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Ugh!

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Disgusting!

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Can't scare me!

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Oh, got ya!

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Ha-ha. Now then, what were those magic words?

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Oh, yeah, yeah.

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Genie of the lamp, I command you to appear

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and grant me three wishes.

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DRUM ROLL

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CYMBAL CRASH

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Speak, o master, your wish is my command.

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It only... It only worked!

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Crikey! Wh-wh-wh-where's Barney?

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He's history.

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Now, let's get down to business, shall we, Genie?

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-HE GULPS

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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Oops-a-daisy. OK, fifth time lucky.

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No, no. Don't worry, Barney, I'll do this.

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-You've done far too much already.

-OK, I'll get an ice cream for Nev.

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Oh, no, this one's on me. Call it a thank you.

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Oh, cheers.

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SPLAT!

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Oh-oh, you've got a blockage. Shouldn't take too long to fix.

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-Are you sure you know what you're doing?

-How hard can it be?

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-Listen, cobber, you've got your wires crossed.

-What?!

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Either you're a genie or not, and if you're not, you'll wish you were.

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So what's it to be?

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Are! Are! Are!

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But he isn't a real genie.

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He looks the part to me. Are! Are! Are!

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Are! Are! Are!

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Yes, I are...am! That is...

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Would I dress like this if I weren't a real genie?

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-OK.

-Oh, phewee!

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So let me see you prove you're a genie

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by granting me my first wish.

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Uh-oh.

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TAPPING, HUMMING

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That should do it.

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RUMBLING AND GURGLING

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-It doesn't normally make those noises.

-No?

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Maybe it's taking a few minutes to warm up.

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MACHINE CLANKS AND WHIRRS

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SHE COUGHS

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RATTLING AND CREAKING

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Now then, for the first of my three wishes,

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I think I'll wish for... Um...

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-A fried egg sandwich?

-No! No more sandwiches. Ugh!

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Um...

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OK, so you'd like to go bird watching.

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I hate birds!

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Um...

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-How about an ice cream? Or...

-Ah!

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That's not a bad idea.

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If this machine blows, there'll be one huge mess.

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You're right. Ice cream everywhere.

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Yes, everywhere. So do something, Barney.

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Hmm. Hmm.

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No ice cream!

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I wish... I wish... I wish I had a nice, creamy ice cream.

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Noooo!

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It's gonna blow!

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Not in here, squirt it out there!

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-RUMBLING

-Extra large...

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EXPLOSION

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NEV LAUGHS

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Perfect!

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NEV LAUGHS

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Crikey. Ha!

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-I'm sorry about the mess.

-That's OK.

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I have to clean it up before Mr Prank finds out.

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You take care of the mess, I'll fix the machine.

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SHE SIGHS

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That's what's worrying me.

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Well, now...

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for my second wish.

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Ah, I think I'd like to wish for...

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How about a nice new tie?

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Ah! Maybe a sports car would be good.

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New shoes?

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A private jet would be better.

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No... Oh, I know.

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I know what I'd like to wish for.

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I'd like to wish for...

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HE WHISPERS INAUDIBLY

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HE LAUGHS

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Nev, Nev!

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Can we do hair?

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Um, um... OK!

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KEITH LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

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DRUMROLL

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HAIR it is!

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Oh, good!

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-Good!

-HE LAUGHS

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Close your eyes, clear your mind,

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and your wish will be granted true.

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HE SNEEZES

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I said close your eyes!

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SPLAT!

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Open your eyes.

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Ta-da!

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Is that the best you can do?!

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Well, I'm a genie, not a stylist.

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Trust me, the ladies will love it!

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-Oh!

-KNOCK AT DOOR

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Hello, Mr Barney. I've just got this parcel for you to sign...

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SHE WOLF WHISTLES

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Wow, you look first class!

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LAUGHING: First class!

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SHE PURRS

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SHE PURSES HER LIPS

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I wish she would... Oh, no... No!

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Must be careful not to waste my last wish.

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Especially this one!

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HE CACKLES

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Oi, Genie!

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HE WHISPERS INAUDIBLY

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You wanna make who disappear?

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The blue...bear!

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Can't scare me!

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How long do you wanna him to disappear for? An hour, a day...?

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Forever!

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Now get on with it!

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OK, but you'll be needing one of my magic genie feathers.

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-Oh, one of these?

-Yeah.

-What for?

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For your third wish,

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you have to tickle Nev's - that is the bear's - nose

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with one of my feathers to make him disappear...

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vanish, scram!

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OK!

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PANS CLATTER

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Oops! Can't catch me!

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MR PRANK SNEEZES

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Just you watch me!

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SHOUTING, CRASHING

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Wah!

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MR PRANK SNEEZES VIOLENTLY

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HE GIGGLES

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MR PRANK LAUGHS MENACINGLY

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Can't catch me!

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Mmm!

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HE SNIFFLES

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Whee!

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Run!

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Can't catch me!

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-Run!

-Wherever you are, Bear, I will find you!

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I will hunt you down!

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I'm gonna look upstairs.

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Then I'm gonna look downstairs.

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-Frightened!

-And then under every rug and inside every cupboard!

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-NEV SCREAMS

-Got that, Bear?!

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I'm coming to get you!

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Can't catch me!

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Come back here, you hairy horror!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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Can't scare me!

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Can't catch me!

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Can't catch me!

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Ner-ner-ner-ner-ner!

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Can't catch me!

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Can't catch me!

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Hello!

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HE BREATHES HEAVILY

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NEV SCREAMS

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HE BREATHES HEAVILY

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Now I've got him!

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HE CACKLES

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Oh!

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Postie!

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Hmm, run!

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Oi!

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Ooh! Mr Prank!

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Oh, no! Not you again!

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Oh no!

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Oh, come back!

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LAUGHTER

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Yippee!

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Run!

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NEV PANTS BREATHLESSLY

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Got ya!

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Time to say bye-bye, Bear...

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for-for-forever!

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ACHOO!

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HE GROWLS

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No!

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NEV GROANS

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POSTIE, LAUGHING: Mr Prank, Mr Prank!

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-No!

-Mr Prank, oh, it's your hair, I've just got to touch it!

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No!

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HE LAUGHS

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< TINNY MUSIC PLAYS

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Ha! Ice cream! Yum yum!

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No, no, no! This is private property!

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Mwah! Mmm!

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-Finished?

-Yeah, but whatever you do, don't turn that machine on again

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-until Mr Prank gets somebody to look at it.

-Will do.

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Sorry you got in such a mess.

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That's OK. I'll clean up at the TV studio. I'd better go!

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You can't go like that. Let me clean that oil off your face.

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Oh, no, really, it doesn't...

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Yeah, no, yeah, maybe you should get a bit off.

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Stay there.

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There you go.

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Barney, Barney. Ice cream!

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Not now, Nev.

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-Barney, Barney.

-No!

-Icy, please!

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Barney, Barney, please!

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There, all done.

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-I think you missed a bit.

-Where?

-Now, please!

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-Just there.

-Ice cream, please!

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Ice cream, yum yum!

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No, no, no, Nev!

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ENGINE ROARS

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No, no!

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No... Hey...

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Ooh!

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ENGINE RUMBLES

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Oh! Oh! Oops!

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Ah!

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Genie! Help!

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LAUGHTER

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EXPLOSION >

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SCREAMING

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Gotcha!

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At least it's not as messy as last time, Beatrice, eh?

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Hungry!

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Listen, maybe we should find somewhere safer to eat.

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I'll nip home, get me lamp...

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No need, cobber! Have I got the part?

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Um...well, it's just that...

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Why don't you come down to the TV studio, Keith,

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and I'll see what I can do?

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Oh, ripper!

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-Why don't you all come see the show?

-Sounds fun.

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-Groovy! Love you, Barney!

-Come on, then.

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I hate that...

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bear!

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HE SNARLS

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Everyone seemed to enjoy the show, eh, Nev?

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-Hmm. Groovy!

-I thought Keith was brilliant as the genie.

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More! More!

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And what did Beatrice say about Mr Prank's long hair?

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"He looks like Aladdin's princess!" Last time I checked,

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-he didn't have any.

-NEV SNORES

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Are you asleep already?

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Nev! I wish I could...

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I wish I could fall asleep as fast as Nev.

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Your wish is my command.

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CRASH!

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SNORING

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