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Hello. My name's David.
No, I'm David. That's not David, that's Eli.
Tonight's bedtime story is about a very big,
very blue and slightly annoying visitor.
It's called The Slightly Annoying Elephant,
and the pictures are by Tony Ross.
And who wrote the story?
No, not Eli, me!
One day, there was a loud knock on the door.
Sam ran down the stairs to open it.
Was it his mum, back from the shops?
Was it a friend? Was it the postman?
No. It was an elephant.
A great, big, gigantic, ginormous elephant!
"Hello, Sam," he boomed.
"How do you know my name?" said Sam.
"You adopted me. Don't you remember?"
"Well, I filled in an adopt-an-elephant form
"at the zoo, b-b-b-but..." spluttered Sam.
The last thing he was expecting
was the elephant to actually turn up on his doorstep.
"How did you get here all the way from Africa?" asked Sam.
"On a plane, of course. Silly boy!
"The airline was very rude.
"They made me buy two seats.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take a bath,"
announced the elephant.
He pushed past Sam and made his way upstairs to the bathroom,
knocking all the pictures off the walls as he went.
Because the elephant was so big,
all the water from the bath flooded the bathroom floor.
What's more, he used all the soap and all the towels.
Instead of hanging the towels up afterwards,
he left them strewn across the floor.
"I am hungry," demanded the elephant.
"What do elephants eat?" asked Sam.
"Food. Silly boy!"
Sam sped into the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge
and all of the cupboards.
He poured all the food in the house into a massive pot
and gave it a stir.
"Quickly, please," called the elephant from the living room.
As fast as he could, Sam raced into the living room,
where the elephant was sitting on Dad's armchair.
Without a word, the elephant dunked his trunk in the pot
and slurped up all the food in one go.
"Ah! Now I've had my starter, what's the main course?" he asked.
Later, it was time for Sam's favourite cartoon
to come on the television.
The elephant was snoring loudly.
And there was a boring show about antiques on.
So Sam prised the remote control out of the elephant's foot
and changed channels.
All of a sudden, the elephant woke up!
"I was watching that!" he boomed.
"You were asleep," protested Sam.
"I was not! I love shows about antiques!"
"Do you collect antiques yourself?" asked Sam.
"Of course not! I'm an elephant!
When the boring antique show had finally finished,
the elephant declared, "I need to take some exercise!"
"Exercise?" asked Sam.
"Yes. I need to lose a few pounds.
"Do you have a bicycle?"
"Yes, b-b-b-b-but..." spluttered Sam.
"But what?" demanded the elephant.
"Well...it's quite small
"and being an elephant, you might break it."
"How dare you?!" boomed the elephant.
"Now, where is it?"
So Sam wheeled his brand-new bike out of the garage.
"Please be careful," he pleaded.
"I know my way around a bicycle," the elephant said.
"Last year, I won the Tour de France."
The elephant climbed onto the bike and as soon as he sat on it,
he flattened it.
"That bicycle was falling to bits! Silly boy!
"After all that exercise, I need a nap," said the elephant.
Then he fell asleep in Sam's bed.
It was the door! Who could it be?
Was it his mum, back from the shops?
Sam hurtled down the stairs to greet her.
But when he opened the door,
he couldn't have been more surprised to see a massive herd of elephants!
"Our friend invited us to stay," said the one with the longest trunk.
There were elephants in the kitchen, elephants on the stairs,
even elephants in the downstairs loo!
Meanwhile, Sam rummaged around in his bedroom
for the adopt-an-elephant form.
When he finally found it, he realised something.
He should have read the small print.
"This certifies that Sam has successfully adopted an elephant.
"I hereby consent to said elephant coming to live in my house
"and inviting all his elephant friends to stay."
So there you have it.
Sometimes, you get more than you bargained for.
See what I mean?
I'll be back to read you another bedtime story soon.
But for now, goodnight.
David Walliams reads a bedtime story about an unexpected visitor who is big, blue and ever so slightly annoying.