Christmas Special - The Mystery of Little-Under-Standing ChuckleVision


Christmas Special - The Mystery of Little-Under-Standing

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WHISTLE BLOWS

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Course, I blame you for this, you know.

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Christmas Eve and we're stranded.

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Two first-class tickets to Rotherham and what do you show the inspector?

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-Two toffee papers and a wine gum.

-It was a red one.

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We'll never make it to Granny Chuckle's Christmas charade party.

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I don't even know where we are.

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The sign says Little-Under-Standing.

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-No?! Well, I was practically brought up here.

-No, you weren't.

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You were brought up in Rotherham.

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I know because I used to do your homework.

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-I've spent more time here than I can remember.

-How long was that?

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-A couple of days. I put a safe in for Julian Halibut.

-Who?

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-Sounds a bit fishy to me.

-He's an old friend of mine.

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-Hey, we could spend Christmas with him.

-You don't think he'd mind?

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-Course not. People used to say we were as thick as thieves.

-Really?

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No mention of planks then?

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PLANE FLIES OVERHEAD

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Allow me.

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-Thank you.

-My pleasure.

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I'm Barry and he's Paul.

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-Molly.

-No, Paul.

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I've come all the way from the Windy City.

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-Blackpool?

-Chicago, USA?

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-Down here for the Christmas holidays are you?

-Yeah, for the concert.

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-At some grand house near here.

-Oh, you're a musician?

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It's me and two other girls, we play jazz.

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That's unusual, for a girl.

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Hey, get with it! It's 1929 after all.

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So, where's the rest of your swinging, cool combo?

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-They've been staying up in Scotland, studying heathers.

-Heather's what?

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The plant, heather?

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-Of course.

-Silly you.

-Silly me.

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-Well, it's been swell meeting you.

-Yes, and you, too.

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Here we are, Barry. Halibut Hall.

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"Top thief in town."

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Hello there! Shop!

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-Paul. Paul.

-Ah, Butler. We've come to spend Christmas

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with my old friend Julian Halibut.

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What a shame, sir. I regret that Mr Halibut has left the country.

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Good day, sirs.

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Just a minute. Who lives here now?

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The house is currently occupied by his nephew, sir.

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Young Raef. I've not seen him since he was so high.

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Go and inform him that Mr Chuckle and Mr Chuckle are here.

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Very well, sir. I'll inform him of your presence.

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Oh, we haven't brought presents. Bit of a surprise visit, you see.

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RUMBLING

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-What was that?

-It'll be the central heating.

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Oh.

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Or the ghost.

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-Eh?

-Was it a watery, bubbly sort of sound?

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-No.

-That'll be the ghost then.

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Ooh.

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Mirror, mirror, look at me

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Raef Halibear is what you see

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Handsome, witty and so charming

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With a teddy, so disarming.

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That's you, my precious.

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Ahem. Sorry to interrupt, sir.

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Some old friends have come to visit. Knew your Uncle Julian.

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Mr and Mr Chuckle?

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Hey, Barry. Look at this.

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It says here there's a jewel thief about.

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He's known as the White Glove. According to this,

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he makes friends with posh people, finds the best pickings,

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then steals them from under their nose.

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Eww! Steals the pickings from under their noses?

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-No wonder he wears gloves.

-We'll have to keep an eye out.

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Young Raef is the exact type of person he'd be looking for.

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Old friends, eh?

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What would you have me tell them, sir?

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-Get rid of them. Make up some excuse.

-Very good, sir.

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-Come on.

-Yeah, but...

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-Ahem.

-Ah, there you are. Where's Mr Raef?

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I regret, sir, Mr Raef cannot speak to you.

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-He's partaking of a bath.

-Ah, well. Never mind. We'll wait.

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-But...

-Da-da-da-da-da!

-Very well, sir.

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Hmm. Very pretty.

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Shoddy workmanship. See to that, Barry.

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-Chives, have they gone?

-Is that you, Raef?

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Oh, they're in the grand hall, sir.

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Don't forget your bear.

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-Good afternoon.

-He-he-hello, Raef.

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-You got dressed quick, didn't you?

-What?

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Don't you remember me? Paul? Uncle Julian's friend.

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You were only a nipper, but you've not changed. Except for your beard.

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-I don't have a beard.

-No, but you did when you were nine, what?

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Actually, you have changed slightly. Your hair's a lot darker

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-and your nose has changed shape.

-I'd like to chat...

-Me too.

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But I have to look after the...dooh-dah.

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-Don't worry about Barry, I'll sort him out.

-I have things to do.

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-For the concert tonight.

-Another one!

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-You carry on, we'll make ourselves at home.

-No!

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Chives will show you the door.

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No thanks, we've already seen it.

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-Hey, steady.

-Toodle pip.

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Now, look here, you two.

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I don't know what your game is, but the last thing I need

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is any more thieves in here.

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Thieves? How dare you! Tell him, Barry.

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Case proved, I think.

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-I can explain.

-I'm giving you two the old heave-ho.

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-The old heave-ho?

-Heave...

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-Ho!

-Ho!

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Hey!

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-Did you see that newspaper article?

-About the robber?

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-The White Glove?

-Yes, and you see what the butler is wearing?

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-White gloves.

-You don't think he's the jewel thief?

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-Well, he admitted it. As good as.

-How'd you work that out?

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Well, it's obvious.

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Chives said he didn't want any more thieves in here. Any MORE thieves.

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-Ah! So what we gonna do?

-There's only one thing we can do.

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Remember the family motto.

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A Chuckle always stands by his friends, through thick and thin.

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-No matter how hard they try to get away.

-Exactly.

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Now, Chives.

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The concert tonight - I've got a rather important personage coming.

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-I don't want any more upsets.

-I understand perfectly, sir.

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The white gloves approach.

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White gloves. Yes. Yes, I like the sound of that.

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TELEPHONE RINGS Excuse me, sir.

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Come on, Barry. We've got to get back inside.

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Yeah, yeah, I'm sure of it. The robbery's tonight.

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'Just leave it to me.'

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I won't let anything get in the way of our plans.

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I say! What are you coves still doing here?

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Raef! I've got something to tell you about...Chives.

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Ah, yes. Where is that man? Chives! Chives!

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-Keep your grubby hands off!

-Sorry. He's very nice.

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Nice?! He's priceless!

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The most valuable thing I own.

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Priceless? Did you say priceless?

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Absolutely.

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Now, Chives. Deal with these...gentlemen.

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-Heave...

-Ho!

-Ho!

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So, that's it. Chives is out to steal Raef's priceless bear.

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-Have you got a plan?

-No, I've run out of ideas.

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Really? You're not saying that to cheer me up?

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GRAVEL CRUNCHES

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Oh, bother.

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-Allow me.

-Oh, thank you.

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Hey, it's you, what are you doing here?

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-This is where Paul's friend lives.

-No way. This is where I'm playing!

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Oh, jazz is just so tickety-boo! But what are you guys doing out here?

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Well, there's been a bit of a misunderstanding.

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We're searching for the notorious jewel thief, the White Glove.

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-We got thrown out. Twice.

-Jewel thief? How thrilling!

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And is this thief gonna steal all your friend's jewels?

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-No, his teddy bear.

-His teddy bear, that's all?

-It's very valuable.

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The most valuable thing he owns.

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-Well, if there's anything I can do...

-Yeah, thanks, Molly.

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-Where's the rest of your band?

-They haven't shown up,

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so I guess I'll be on my lonesome.

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Such a shame, I've got all of their dresses in my trunk.

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Ahem. The band has arrived, sir.

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-Hi, I'm Molly and these are my sisters...

-Holly.

-And Dolly.

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Golly! Well, it's absolutely corking to meet you all.

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-I've read so much about you, Molly.

-You have?

-Rather!

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-All your family are musical, what?

-No, my brother Wally makes brollies.

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Gosh! Well, they all sound very jolly.

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-Now we're here, what we gonna do?

-Firstly, we've got to get Chives

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to confess his plan. This calls for someone with tact and diplomacy.

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-I'll see if I can find somebody.

-Ye...

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Come on.

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Lovely place you have here, Mr Chives.

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Indeed, Mr Raef is very proud of his family seat.

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All the furniture's nice, actually.

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-Mr Raef must be a very rich man.

-Sadly not. He has the house,

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-but nothing else of value.

-Oh, come now. That teddy bear looks valuable.

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Only to him. Between you and me, ladies,

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it's just a cheap stuffed toy. PLANE OVERHEAD

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Isn't that rather low?

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-Sorry, but it's the truth.

-Excuse us.

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Listen, if that teddy's not worth anything,

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what is Chives planning to steal?

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-Something else in the house?

-There's nothing else of value here.

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Something one of the guests is bringing?

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No. I'll tell you what it will be.

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Something one of the guests is bringing. Ha-ha!

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-We'll have to keep a good eye out tonight.

-OK.

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Now, about this concert.

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You're right. We'll not be able to watch and play.

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But I might just have the very thing. This way.

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AEROPLANE ENGINE CAN STILL BE HEARD Wow! That is some neat flying!

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Coming in to land. Well, couldn't have chosen a better place.

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There isn't a tree around for miles.

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CRASH!

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-Except that one.

-Most intriguing. There's no-one in it.

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What? No pilot?!

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Shame. With flying like that, I'd have invited him to my party.

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Oh! Splendid, I'd be pleased to accept.

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Gertie Gigglesworth. Pilot, aviator and all round good egg.

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'Scuse me dropping in unannounced.

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Bailed out when things got a bit sticky.

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A bit of technical trouble with the thingamajig whatsitsname.

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The pressure gauge? The rev counter? The tachometer?

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No, the wings.

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And of all the houses in the village, you dropped in on this one.

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Yes, that's about the size of it. You must be Molly.

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Gee... How do you know that?

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Uh, lucky guess.

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Now, I don't suppose there's anywhere for a girl to freshen up?

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-Of course. Chives?

-Oh, don't bother. Navigated the Amazon solo,

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so I'm sure I can find a bedroom, what?

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It's lucky I brought this with me. It's the latest thing.

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It takes silent movies. We'll hide it in the Christmas tree,

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and if Chives does anything suspicious, we've got it on film.

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Whereabouts on the tree?

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At the top.

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I can't get up there without a step...

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..stepladder.

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Don't suppose you brought any safety equipment?

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Well remembered. Just in case you fall on me head. Now, off you go.

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Now, look here. I dunno what your game is, but I do know

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you ain't what you say you are.

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Ooh, steady! You'll have the whole thing down.

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-Done it.

-Simple.

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-Oh!

-Oh! Oh!

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-Told you.

-Perhaps no-one will notice.

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Luckily, I brought this with me. Here, take this end of the rope

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and tie it to the top of the tree.

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-To you.

-To me.

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-Tie it on there.

-What are you gonna do?

-I'll throw this end up

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over the chandelier and hoist up the tree.

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-Done it.

-Ready!

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-To me.

-Whoa!

-To you.

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-To me.

-Wo-ho!

-To you.

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-To me.

-No, steady!

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Now, hop it.

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Hop it?! Hop it?! Is that the way you address a major

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of the Women's Legion of Motor Drivers and Civilian Subordinates?

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I'm sorry but I'm afraid it's time for the old heave-ho.

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-Heave...

-Ho!

-Wah!

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Gertie Gigglesworth.

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-Looks like I've underestimated you.

-Right.

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What-ho! You with the band?

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Gertie Gigglesworth. Just met Molly earlier.

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You must be her ugly sisters.

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Looking forward to hearing you play.

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Paul, about the concert.

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-I don't think we're gonna get away with it.

-Nonsense!

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Just need a bit of practice. Nip up to Molly's room,

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find an instrument then find somewhere private.

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What are you gonna do?

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I'm gonna track down Raef, find out how many people he's invited.

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RUMBLING

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Oh. Ghosts!

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Ooh!

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Oh! I must be going off the old trolley, what?

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-Wrong room.

-And wrong trunk.

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Sorry.

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BANGING

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Ooh!

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Right, somewhere private.

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That should do.

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Must tell Barry. Must tell Barry.

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EUPHONIUM PLAYS

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-Just a bit of a blockage.

-EUPHONIUM PLAYS

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You couldn't get me a large wire brush, could you?

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Thank you.

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Barry! Barry!

0:16:420:16:43

-Barry?

-It's a nickname. Isn't that right, Holly?

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Yes, that's right. I always call me sister Barry.

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Ever since Rotherham Boys' School.

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Um, well, I'll have to... Excuse me.

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Rotherham Boys' School?

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EUPHONIUM PLAYS

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That should do nicely. Thank you very much.

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Now, for Gertie Gigglesworth.

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RUMBLING

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-What was that?

-I didn't hear anything.

-You must have heard that!

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It's probably the wind.

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Or the ghost.

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Ooh! I'm... I'm gonna go get my wrap.

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It's suddenly getting very chilly.

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Hurry back.

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I thought I might find you here.

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-Come to apologise, have you?

-As a matter of fact, yeah.

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-Ah.

-The way you chucked me out the door,

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there's only once place you'd learn that.

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Oh, you know it, do you?

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I think you and I are in the same line of business.

0:17:420:17:46

-Oh! Hi, a party!

-I was just going.

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-We'll talk more.

-Yes, I shall enjoy that.

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Hey, you're not going to the party dressed like that, are you?

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-Let me see if I can find you something.

-No need.

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Always come prepared, that's my motto.

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Wow, I never would have known!

0:18:030:18:06

Well, things aren't always what they seem, are they, Molly?

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-I beg your pardon, ma'am?

-You see, I know who you are.

0:18:090:18:13

The gig, as they say, is up.

0:18:170:18:20

-EUPHONIUM PLAYS

-Hurry up!

0:18:210:18:24

Do you mind? I'm halfway through a sonata!

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Oh, I'm so... What?! Get out here!

0:18:260:18:30

You'll never guess what that idiot Raef's done.

0:18:300:18:33

Only gone and invited the whole village. The WHOLE village!

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I mean, Chives could be planning to rob any one of them.

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-Or none of them.

-What do you mean?

0:18:390:18:41

-What if Chives isn't the White Glove?

-Oh, he is, all right.

0:18:410:18:44

I identified him. Besides, if it's not him, who could it be? Molly?

0:18:440:18:48

You? Me? Raef, even?

0:18:480:18:51

-Gertie.

-Don't be stupid.

0:18:510:18:53

-I saw her acting suspiciously in Molly's room.

-No.

0:18:530:18:56

Chives is the White Glove all right. There's no doubt about it.

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We've got to work out what he's going to steal.

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MUFFLED JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS

0:19:020:19:04

Is that it? The whole village?

0:19:110:19:13

It's not a very large village, miss.

0:19:130:19:15

Oh, bother, not again!

0:19:150:19:17

-Allow me.

-A very nice necklace, if I may say?

0:19:170:19:20

The diamonds look particularly valuable.

0:19:200:19:23

I guess. Three or four million dol...

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# La-da-da-da-da-da! #

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I love that song.

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-Dollars?!

-So I've been told.

0:19:330:19:36

Very interesting, what?

0:19:360:19:37

Very interesting indeed, sir.

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Come on, everybody. Let's get this old party started.

0:19:410:19:45

So, that's it. That's what the White Glove's after.

0:19:480:19:51

-The necklace.

-We've got to warn Molly.

0:19:510:19:53

Molly! We've got to talk.

0:19:560:19:58

It's about your necklace. It's what the White Glove's after.

0:19:580:20:01

-No!

-But I've got a way of catching him red-handed.

0:20:010:20:04

Just watch for my signal.

0:20:040:20:06

Yeah, but what's the plan?

0:20:070:20:08

-Ah...

-Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Molly, Holly and Dolly.

0:20:080:20:14

THEY PLAY TUNELESSLY

0:20:190:20:21

-Good night.

-Thank you.

0:20:250:20:28

-Well, I think that went rather well.

-Most satisfactory.

0:20:330:20:37

I say, I've never seen the euphonium played like that before.

0:20:370:20:41

THEY LAUGH

0:20:410:20:43

I suggest we all turn in. It's only a little while till midnight

0:20:430:20:46

and we don't want to be awake when Santa arrives, what?

0:20:460:20:49

Oh! No, not again!

0:20:490:20:52

I am so fed up with these diamonds.

0:20:520:20:55

-Why don't you give them to me to look after?

-Da-da-da, no!

0:20:550:20:58

Tell you what, I'll put them on here until the morning.

0:20:580:21:03

Do you think they'll be safe there? Anyone could find them.

0:21:030:21:06

Oh, no, they'll be fine there, won't they?

0:21:060:21:08

Yes, there's only us here, isn't there?

0:21:080:21:12

She's right. Come on, everybody.

0:21:120:21:14

Bed time.

0:21:140:21:17

Sleep well.

0:21:190:21:20

RUMBLING

0:21:220:21:24

RUMBLING

0:21:320:21:34

That's better. Now all we've got to do is wait for the White Glove

0:21:410:21:45

to come and steal the jewels. We'll catch him red-handed.

0:21:450:21:48

-Ooh!

-Didn't you bring any provisions?

-No.

0:21:510:21:56

You're gonna be hungry by breakfast. There's not enough here for two.

0:21:560:22:00

WOMAN SCREAMS

0:22:010:22:04

Typical.

0:22:040:22:05

The ghost! I saw the ghost!

0:22:070:22:10

Eh? No, you'll be having a bad dream, that's all.

0:22:100:22:13

-Do you really think so?

-Yes, there's nothing there, look.

0:22:130:22:19

SHE SCREAMS

0:22:230:22:25

Leave this to us.

0:22:250:22:26

I'm just being silly. I'll go back to bed. Just being silly.

0:22:280:22:33

-They're gone.

-It's Gertie.

0:22:340:22:37

Gotcha!

0:22:440:22:45

There you are, Barry. I told you it was her.

0:22:450:22:47

What? Holly? Dolly?

0:22:470:22:51

-What's happened to your hair?

-We'll explain later.

0:22:510:22:53

-Now, where did you put the jewels?

-Here in the safe.

0:22:530:22:56

Where no-one can steal them.

0:22:560:22:58

And you've got some explaining to do in the morning.

0:22:580:23:01

Ooh!

0:23:010:23:03

Well, that's that, then.

0:23:050:23:07

Don't be stupid. I told you, I put the safe in. I know the combination.

0:23:070:23:10

The most important date this century.

0:23:100:23:13

-The year Rotherham United were formed?

-Exactly.

0:23:130:23:15

BOTH: 1925.

0:23:150:23:17

Right. Now to reset the bait.

0:23:200:23:22

-Don't forget the light.

-Right.

0:23:220:23:24

Ooh! Wait, wait!

0:23:260:23:28

I knew it wasn't Gertie, anyway.

0:23:280:23:30

It was obvious that Chives was the White Glove.

0:23:300:23:33

Chuckle and Chuckle.

0:23:330:23:35

How'd they get back in here?

0:23:350:23:37

CREAK

0:23:370:23:39

-What was that?

-Just a floorboard creaking.

0:23:390:23:42

No, I don't think we're alone.

0:23:420:23:44

There's someone else in this room.

0:23:440:23:46

Or someTHING else.

0:23:460:23:47

Don't be stupid. If it puts your mind at rest, we'll have a look.

0:23:470:23:52

See? Nobody here. And nobody's touched the diamonds.

0:23:520:23:56

-Gotcha!

-Ooh!

-Oh!

0:23:560:23:58

Da-da-da-da-da! Why are we running?

0:23:590:24:01

-You're the robber.

-I'm the robber?

0:24:010:24:03

There you are. Instant confession. Consider this a citizen's arrest.

0:24:030:24:07

-Barry, handcuffs.

-Do you know who I am?

0:24:070:24:11

Yes, you're the notorious jewel thief, the White Glove.

0:24:110:24:14

Has anyone ever told you that you are an incompetent ignoramus?

0:24:140:24:19

It's too late with the flattery now.

0:24:190:24:21

I am Detective Chief Superintendent Chives of Scotland Yard.

0:24:210:24:25

So you're not the White Glove?

0:24:250:24:27

No. But I know who is.

0:24:270:24:29

BOTH: Who?

0:24:290:24:31

-Priceless.

-Raef? Raef's the White Glove?

0:24:400:24:43

I knew it all along. Come on.

0:24:430:24:45

Six weeks I've been working undercover as a butler

0:24:490:24:52

and all for nothing.

0:24:520:24:53

Ah, come on out, Raef.

0:24:590:25:00

The game's up.

0:25:000:25:02

You two bounders! What are you still doing here?!

0:25:030:25:06

Hand over the diamonds, Raef.

0:25:060:25:08

Or should I say, White Glove?

0:25:080:25:10

How ridiculous.

0:25:100:25:11

I haven't got anything. Search me if you like.

0:25:110:25:15

He's right. He hasn't got them.

0:25:160:25:18

Just a stuffed toy, eh?

0:25:180:25:20

-Well, I'll be toddling along now, then.

-Paul.

-Ah!

0:25:200:25:24

Hold it right there, you!

0:25:240:25:26

Do you know I've got a gold medal for boxing?

0:25:270:25:29

-And I've got a truncheon.

-Thought I'd come and see what all the noise was.

0:25:290:25:33

That just leaves you then. I should mention I'm an expert in judo,

0:25:330:25:36

-kung fu, ju-jitsu...

-No, thanks. He doesn't like Chinese food.

0:25:360:25:41

Yes, I admit it. I'm the White Glove.

0:25:410:25:44

I've been after those diamonds for years.

0:25:440:25:47

When I realised that Molly would be wearing them at the concert,

0:25:470:25:50

I just couldn't resist. Jolly as this is,

0:25:500:25:53

it's time I left.

0:25:530:25:55

Now!

0:25:550:25:56

CRASH

0:26:000:26:02

Oh, I want my teddy.

0:26:020:26:05

Well done, lads. I'll take care of him now.

0:26:050:26:08

Just being silly.

0:26:080:26:09

-BANGING

-Just being silly.

0:26:090:26:11

BANGING CONTINUES

0:26:130:26:15

Only question now is where's the real Raef?

0:26:180:26:20

WOMAN SCREAMS

0:26:200:26:22

Young Raef!

0:26:280:26:29

HE MUMBLES

0:26:290:26:31

I beg your pardon?

0:26:310:26:33

It can't be you!

0:26:360:26:37

-Golly!

-Molly!

0:26:370:26:40

Oh, how jolly!

0:26:400:26:42

Don't start that again.

0:26:420:26:44

Take him down the nick, lads.

0:26:470:26:49

Happy Christmas, everyone!

0:26:530:26:57

-Crackers, eh?

-Well, only some of us. Holly and Dolly, indeed!

0:26:570:27:02

I'm so grateful to you for bringing us together.

0:27:030:27:06

What? You and Raef?

0:27:060:27:07

Yeah, we're to be married!

0:27:070:27:09

Aww, love at first sight, eh?

0:27:090:27:12

-Not quite.

-We met years ago. In a jazz club in New York.

0:27:120:27:16

-I play sax.

-I don't know. Real Raef a secret saxophonist.

0:27:160:27:19

Pretend Raef the secret White Glove.

0:27:190:27:22

Chives secretly from Scotland Yard.

0:27:220:27:24

And you two secretly not ladies!

0:27:240:27:26

-At least you're what you seem.

-Ah, well. Sorry, not exactly.

0:27:290:27:33

-Eh?

-I'm actually from the Chicago Detective Agency.

0:27:330:27:36

Molly's dad hired her to bring her home.

0:27:360:27:39

That's where we're off to, to formally announce our engagement.

0:27:390:27:43

Congratulations! That's wonderful!

0:27:430:27:46

Barry, lucky I was here.

0:27:460:27:48

My brilliance has saved the day and stopped a major robbery.

0:27:480:27:51

-I don't know how I do it.

-Neither do I.

0:27:510:27:53

Granny Chuckle's Christmas charades party, here we come.

0:27:530:27:57

Here, Paul. What's this?

0:27:570:27:59

Sleeping Beauty.

0:27:590:28:00

How'd you know that?!

0:28:000:28:01

You always do that.

0:28:010:28:02

-No, I don't.

-Yes, you do.

0:28:020:28:03

-OK, then. What's this?

-Sleeping Beauty Two.

0:28:030:28:06

-How did you know that?

-You always do that, as well.

0:28:060:28:09

-No, I don't.

-Yes, you do.

0:28:090:28:10

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