Muscling In ChuckleVision


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# Chucklevision Ch-Ch-Chucklevision

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# Chu-Chu-Chucklevision Chu-Chucklevision

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# Chu-Chu-Chucklevision! #

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Hello, and welcome to the Mighty Man Of Steel contest,

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with worldwide competitors,

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each hoping to be the most powerful man on Earth.

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Let's go to where the athletes are getting ready for round one.

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The question is, will Britain's Denis Ramsbottom manage

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to hold onto last year's title?

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Wonder where Denis is?

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Can't wait to see his face when he finds out we're his team trainers!

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Me neither. Us, a pair of trainers!

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Better than a pair of wellies. I'll try over there.

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How will you recognise him?

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I've got a picture from Mighty Man Of Steel magazine.

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-Should be easy to spot.

-Yeah. See you!

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Beg pardon!

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-Ahem. Are you looking for me?

-Don't think so. Who are you?

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Denis Ramsbottom.

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-Yer not!

-I am!

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-Yer not!

-I am!

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-Are you?!

-Yeah.

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-Oh, dear.

-Can't find him.

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-I'm here.

-I'm looking for Denis Ramsbottom.

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-I AM Denis Ramsbottom.

-Yer not!

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-I am!

-Yer not!

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-He is!

-Is he?

-Yes!

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I haven't been to the gym much.

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-I kind of lost interest.

-And some weight!

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-Don't worry, I'm stronger than I look.

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He'd have to be. Can you hold that a minute, please?

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We'll have to make the best of it.

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-Go home, you mean?

-No!

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With training, he might surprise the favourite.

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Why, what's he gonna do to him? Who's the favourite?

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Some fellow from Sweden. Signus Magnusbomb or something.

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-Magnus Sorenson.

-'Scuse me, we're having a convers...

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Oh, hi, Magnus. Is that Maggie for short?

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Or long, as the case may be.

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Pleased to meet you. I'm Denis Ramsbottom.

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BONES CRUNCH

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If that is all you have to offer, the title is mine.

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That's what he thinks! We'll win, or my name's not Paul Chuckle.

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-What will I call you instead?

-Don't you start!

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-I've a bad back and a sprained wrist!

-Think of your good name!

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-Denis isn't that good a name.

-He did that on purpose.

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If he did that to me, I wouldn't let him get away with it.

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Hold this.

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Whoa!

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I think he got away with it.

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-That's it.

-Ah, that's better.

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Now. Let's get back to the competition.

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No point. Denis can't compete.

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-Denis can't, but I know a man who can.

-Who?

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-Forget it!

-Pardon?

-No way.

-No way?

-None whatsoever.

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Round one is the boulder roll. First over the line wins.

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Made even more dramatic

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by the withdrawal of Britain's Denis Ramsbottom.

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His replacement, Barry Chuckle, has never competed before,

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so we wish him luck as he flies the flag for the nation.

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-Now, all you've got to do is win.

-Is that all?

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-You heard her, half the nation's behind you.

-Can they give me a hand?

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-Ooh, look out!

-Just want to wish you good luck.

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Not going to fall for that one again!

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-We know what you did to Denis, you cheat!

-Cheat? Me? Never!

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How can you say that?

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He opened his mouth and out it came!

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-No hard feelings.

-May the best man win.

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Thank you. He probably will.

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'On your marks...

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Oh, quick, quick!

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'..get set... Go!'

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C'mon! Come on!

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Come on!

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-I'm trying!

-Out the way, I'll get it started.

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Stupid thing!

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Right...

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Whoa!

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-You all right?

-I will be when you get this rock off me.

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Sorry.

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A great victory for Barry Chuckle!

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Eh? What?!

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-Well done!

-We won!

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Round two will really test their mettle. It's the caber toss.

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Each man of steel will have to toss a half-ton caber as far as they can.

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It calls for strength, balance, speed and excellent timing.

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Erm... Half past four.

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Gentlemen... To your cabers.

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Oi!

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-BOTH: Hiya!

-Don't you "hiya" me!

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-No-ya?

-Don't "no-ya" me, either! You got a break.

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This time you won't be so lucky!

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Neither will you if you don't tie your shoelace!

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Hold this!

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Ooh! Now you've done it!

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-To you...

-No, to you!

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-No, to you.

-No, to you!

-To you!

-To you!

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'First contender, Magnus Sorenson.'

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-Did you feel that?

-No, I got out the way.

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-No, the weight of it. D'you know what?

-What?

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-I reckon he's cheating.

-Away!

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Not for the first time. That wedge didn't get itself under your rock.

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Watch!

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-You could be right.

-I know I am.

-'Next up, Barry Chuckle.'

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C'mon, your turn.

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Show him what you're made of.

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I'd like to keep that to meself, if you don't mind.

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Just get on with it!

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Oh, steady! Steady now! Steady!

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Throw it!

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Get this thing off me!

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Steady...

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Hey, that was lucky! You could have got a nasty splinter.

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SAWING

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Right, I'm gonna show him what a Chuckle is all about.

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-I think he's worked that out.

-He can't put one over on me.

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-What?

-What we're gonna do is fight fire with...

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-Water?

-..with water. No, with fire!

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-He's cheating, so we'll cheat too.

-I thought cheats never prosper.

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-You also thought that love makes the world go round.

-True.

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We all know it's a pixie on a bike.

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Leave this to me.

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Welcome back.

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Round three is about pure strength.

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It's basically a motor race, but a motor race with a difference.

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The competitors have to pull this truck

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using only their brute strength.

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The quickest so far is Magnus Superman Sorenson, with this pull.

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He crossed the line in 50.1 seconds,

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which leaves the others with a lot to do.

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-Next up is...

-Big blouse.

-..big blouse Barry Chuckle.

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Spaghetti legs! Where's the ugly one? Couldn't bear to watch?

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-He's otherwise occupied.

-I thought he'd be giving advice. Want some?

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-Yes, please.

-Have you done this before?

-No.

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In that case, my advice would be - don't!

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HE LAUGHS

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Take the strain... And pull!

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ENGINE STARTS

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HORN BLASTS

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And the winner is Britain's own Barry Chuckle, by 20 seconds!

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-Just a minute! I smell something odd.

-That'll be the lorry.

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-It's a fish wagon.

-Fish wagon?

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Yeah.

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CLUNK!

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-So...

-Now, now! Nobody likes a sore loser.

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Oh...

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Shall we just call it a tie?

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No.

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Let's call THIS a tie!

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SAWING

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This is the last time he does this to me!

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-Only because you've been banned.

-I know.

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How dare they ban me!

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-You were caught cheating, that's how.

-I was just evening up the odds.

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But I've been disqualified from the truck-pull, and he's leading 2-1.

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It's the barrel run next. I'll hide in a barrel and stick me feet out.

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-I'll do it my way.

-Suit yourself. But you're on your own.

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-Promise?

-Promise.

-Good!

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If I leave it to him it'll never get done.

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The final and deciding round starts here.

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The object is for the competitors to carry their barrels cross country

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and across the line.

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Sweden's Man Mountain Magnus Sorenson is leading,

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but there are a lot of points at stake, and that could change.

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Take your barrels...

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HOOTER

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Ah, well. Come on, Barry, deep breath.

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It'll have to be deeper than that.

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-You're not supposed to be here!

-Neither are you. That way!

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Just a minute!

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Afternoon!

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Hey!

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That's funny. His barrel's full of water.

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-How did that get there?

-Oh, dear.

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Oh, no. You did it! I said I wasn't going to cheat.

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You're not. I am. I suggest we get out of here before he catches up.

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I think it's for the best. Oh!

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Oh...

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I can't see where I'm going!

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Ooh, er...

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Oh, er...

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It turned out nice again.

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-That was lucky.

-What do you mean, lucky?

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-It could have landed on me!

-Something's going to.

-Oh, dear.

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I can see the line.

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-I can see your legs!

-Oops! I never thought of that.

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-What are you doing?

-Thinking.

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You'd better think quickly.

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I'm off!

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HE STRAINS

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-And it seems that any moment now we will have a result.

-Oh...

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Personally, I think this competition has been a knockout.

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Oh, dear.

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-Ahem.

-Oh dear, oh dear.

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I couldn't agree more.

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What do you think you're doing?!

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Saying, "Oh, dear."

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-How about this? You are disqualified.

-There's a surprise(!)

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-I've won?

-You've lost your barrel, so you're disqualified.

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-So who has won?

-No-one!

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All the other competitors have scarpered after your shenanigans,

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so last year's champion retains the title by default.

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Here - it's yours.

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Oh, thank you very much.

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Oh...

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Oh, well. All's well that ends well, eh?

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Has it all ended well?

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Get it over with.

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Shame about the cup.

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I suppose that's what's known as letting success go to your head.

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd - 2007

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< Action!

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That was lucky.

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< Cut! Let's have a cup of tea.

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