Muscling In ChuckleVision

# Chucklevision Ch-Ch-Chucklevision

# Chu-Chu-Chucklevision Chu-Chucklevision

# Chu-Chu-Chucklevision! #

Hello, and welcome to the Mighty Man Of Steel contest,

with worldwide competitors,

each hoping to be the most powerful man on Earth.

Let's go to where the athletes are getting ready for round one.

The question is, will Britain's Denis Ramsbottom manage

to hold onto last year's title?

Wonder where Denis is?

Can't wait to see his face when he finds out we're his team trainers!

Me neither. Us, a pair of trainers!

Better than a pair of wellies. I'll try over there.

How will you recognise him?

I've got a picture from Mighty Man Of Steel magazine.

-Should be easy to spot.

-Yeah. See you!

Beg pardon!

-Ahem. Are you looking for me?

-Don't think so. Who are you?

Denis Ramsbottom.

-Yer not!

-I am!

-Yer not!

-I am!

-Are you?!

-Yeah.

-Oh, dear.

-Can't find him.

-I'm here.

-I'm looking for Denis Ramsbottom.

-I AM Denis Ramsbottom.

-Yer not!

-I am!

-Yer not!

-He is!

-Is he?

-Yes!

I haven't been to the gym much.

-I kind of lost interest.

-And some weight!

-Don't worry, I'm stronger than I look.

He'd have to be. Can you hold that a minute, please?

We'll have to make the best of it.

-Go home, you mean?

-No!

With training, he might surprise the favourite.

Why, what's he gonna do to him? Who's the favourite?

Some fellow from Sweden. Signus Magnusbomb or something.

-Magnus Sorenson.

-'Scuse me, we're having a convers...

Oh, hi, Magnus. Is that Maggie for short?

Or long, as the case may be.

Pleased to meet you. I'm Denis Ramsbottom.

BONES CRUNCH

If that is all you have to offer, the title is mine.

That's what he thinks! We'll win, or my name's not Paul Chuckle.

-What will I call you instead?

-Don't you start!

-I've a bad back and a sprained wrist!

-Think of your good name!

-Denis isn't that good a name.

-He did that on purpose.

If he did that to me, I wouldn't let him get away with it.

Hold this.

Whoa!

I think he got away with it.

-That's it.

-Ah, that's better.

Now. Let's get back to the competition.

No point. Denis can't compete.

-Denis can't, but I know a man who can.

-Who?

-Forget it!

-Pardon?

-No way.

-No way?

-None whatsoever.

Round one is the boulder roll. First over the line wins.

Made even more dramatic

by the withdrawal of Britain's Denis Ramsbottom.

His replacement, Barry Chuckle, has never competed before,

so we wish him luck as he flies the flag for the nation.

-Now, all you've got to do is win.

-Is that all?

-You heard her, half the nation's behind you.

-Can they give me a hand?

-Ooh, look out!

-Just want to wish you good luck.

Not going to fall for that one again!

-We know what you did to Denis, you cheat!

-Cheat? Me? Never!

How can you say that?

He opened his mouth and out it came!

-No hard feelings.

-May the best man win.

Thank you. He probably will.

'On your marks...

Oh, quick, quick!

'..get set... Go!'

C'mon! Come on!

Come on!

-I'm trying!

-Out the way, I'll get it started.

Stupid thing!

Right...

Whoa!

-You all right?

-I will be when you get this rock off me.

Sorry.

A great victory for Barry Chuckle!

Eh? What?!

-Well done!

-We won!

Round two will really test their mettle. It's the caber toss.

Each man of steel will have to toss a half-ton caber as far as they can.

It calls for strength, balance, speed and excellent timing.

Erm... Half past four.

Gentlemen... To your cabers.

Oi!

-BOTH: Hiya!

-Don't you "hiya" me!

-No-ya?

-Don't "no-ya" me, either! You got a break.

This time you won't be so lucky!

Neither will you if you don't tie your shoelace!

Hold this!

Ooh! Now you've done it!

-To you...

-No, to you!

-No, to you.

-No, to you!

-To you!

-To you!

'First contender, Magnus Sorenson.'

-Did you feel that?

-No, I got out the way.

-No, the weight of it. D'you know what?

-What?

-I reckon he's cheating.

-Away!

Not for the first time. That wedge didn't get itself under your rock.

Watch!

-You could be right.

-I know I am.

-'Next up, Barry Chuckle.'

C'mon, your turn.

Show him what you're made of.

I'd like to keep that to meself, if you don't mind.

Just get on with it!

Oh, steady! Steady now! Steady!

Throw it!

Get this thing off me!

Steady...

Hey, that was lucky! You could have got a nasty splinter.

SAWING

Right, I'm gonna show him what a Chuckle is all about.

-I think he's worked that out.

-He can't put one over on me.

-What?

-What we're gonna do is fight fire with...

-Water?

-..with water. No, with fire!

-He's cheating, so we'll cheat too.

-I thought cheats never prosper.

-You also thought that love makes the world go round.

-True.

We all know it's a pixie on a bike.

Leave this to me.

Welcome back.

Round three is about pure strength.

It's basically a motor race, but a motor race with a difference.

The competitors have to pull this truck

using only their brute strength.

The quickest so far is Magnus Superman Sorenson, with this pull.

He crossed the line in 50.1 seconds,

which leaves the others with a lot to do.

-Next up is...

-Big blouse.

-..big blouse Barry Chuckle.

Spaghetti legs! Where's the ugly one? Couldn't bear to watch?

-He's otherwise occupied.

-I thought he'd be giving advice. Want some?

-Yes, please.

-Have you done this before?

-No.

In that case, my advice would be - don't!

HE LAUGHS

Take the strain... And pull!

ENGINE STARTS

HORN BLASTS

And the winner is Britain's own Barry Chuckle, by 20 seconds!

-Just a minute! I smell something odd.

-That'll be the lorry.

-It's a fish wagon.

-Fish wagon?

Yeah.

CLUNK!

-So...

-Now, now! Nobody likes a sore loser.

Oh...

Shall we just call it a tie?

No.

Let's call THIS a tie!

SAWING

This is the last time he does this to me!

-Only because you've been banned.

-I know.

How dare they ban me!

-You were caught cheating, that's how.

-I was just evening up the odds.

But I've been disqualified from the truck-pull, and he's leading 2-1.

It's the barrel run next. I'll hide in a barrel and stick me feet out.

-I'll do it my way.

-Suit yourself. But you're on your own.

-Promise?

-Promise.

-Good!

If I leave it to him it'll never get done.

The final and deciding round starts here.

The object is for the competitors to carry their barrels cross country

and across the line.

Sweden's Man Mountain Magnus Sorenson is leading,

but there are a lot of points at stake, and that could change.

Take your barrels...

HOOTER

Ah, well. Come on, Barry, deep breath.

It'll have to be deeper than that.

-You're not supposed to be here!

-Neither are you. That way!

Just a minute!

Afternoon!

Hey!

That's funny. His barrel's full of water.

-How did that get there?

-Oh, dear.

Oh, no. You did it! I said I wasn't going to cheat.

You're not. I am. I suggest we get out of here before he catches up.

I think it's for the best. Oh!

Oh...

I can't see where I'm going!

Ooh, er...

Oh, er...

It turned out nice again.

-That was lucky.

-What do you mean, lucky?

-It could have landed on me!

-Something's going to.

-Oh, dear.

I can see the line.

-I can see your legs!

-Oops! I never thought of that.

-What are you doing?

-Thinking.

You'd better think quickly.

I'm off!

HE STRAINS

-And it seems that any moment now we will have a result.

-Oh...

Personally, I think this competition has been a knockout.

Oh, dear.

-Ahem.

-Oh dear, oh dear.

I couldn't agree more.

What do you think you're doing?!

Saying, "Oh, dear."

-How about this? You are disqualified.

-There's a surprise(!)

-I've won?

-You've lost your barrel, so you're disqualified.

-So who has won?

-No-one!

All the other competitors have scarpered after your shenanigans,

so last year's champion retains the title by default.

Here - it's yours.

Oh, thank you very much.

Oh...

Oh, well. All's well that ends well, eh?

Has it all ended well?

Get it over with.

Shame about the cup.

I suppose that's what's known as letting success go to your head.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd - 2007

< Action!

That was lucky.

< Cut! Let's have a cup of tea.