Cops and Jobbers ChuckleVision


Cops and Jobbers

Comedy. The accident-prone brothers become drain engineers. Paul is convinced they have competition from a rival firm, but they are actually MI5 agents.


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Transcript


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# Chu-Chu-ChuckleVision

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# Chu-Chu-ChuckleVision

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# Chu-Chu-ChuckleVision

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# Chu-Chu-ChuckleVision! #

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You get the stuff out. I'll check my bearings.

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Stupid thing!

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Oh. Now, then.

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-Are we in the right place?

-Yes. This is Brunswick Avenue.

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-The blockage is somewhere between here and here.

-Where's here and here?

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Right. Here's here and the other here is over there.

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Now get that lid off.

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Who is that?

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I've no idea. Better keep an eye on them, though.

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They might be rival drain unblockers watching how we do things!

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All right.

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So if we're MI5, who are those two? MI7?

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They better not mess this up for us.

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Six months we've been staking this house out.

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Go and see if you can find out what they're up to.

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-To me.

-To me.

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-No, to me.

-No, to me.

-To me.

-BOTH: Oooh.

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-'To me.

-To me.'

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CLANG!

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-I'll get the drain rods.

-Ah, da-da-da-da-da.

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-Da-da-da. It's not that easy!

-Isn't it?

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-No, you can't go round rodding willy-nilly!

-I wasn't going to.

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I was going to rod the drain.

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Not without a thorough investigation. Using this.

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-What is it?

-A camera. I've adapted it.

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It's like doctors use to look inside you.

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Not me. You do it. I'll test the compressor.

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We may need to give something a blast.

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Anything?

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Give 'em here. I'll have a listen.

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Turn them up a bit.

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MOTOR WHIRS Aaaargh!

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What are you doing?

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Think we've frightened him off.

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The Secret Service? I better get rid of these plans.

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My list of British agents. I can't wipe that. Where's my memory stick?

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Come on, Barry, get pushing!

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To you.

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To you.

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I need to hear what is going on in that house.

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Keep going, Barry.

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To you, then. To you.

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-GURGLING

-There.

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Aaargh!

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-What's the matter?

-Take a look at that!

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It's only a fish.

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What's it doing down there?

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-Give the camera rod a shove and we'll see.

-Oh.

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Wow!

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-What's up?

-It's marvellous what you find down drains.

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-It's a whole new world.

-Eh?

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-Is that what is blocking the drains?

-Oh, no! Pull it out quick!

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We're in someone's house! Oh!

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Aha. Right. Any minute now.

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The names and addresses of every British agent

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in every country in the world. Worth millions.

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Target is moving about. Signal is going.

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Sort it out!

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It's very dark. Ooh, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

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-I wish I could.

-One more shove should do it.

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Oh, quick, pull it back again! Pull it back!

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Oooh.

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Oh.

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Aaaargh!

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-Barry?

-Paul!

-Where are you?

-I'm in the manhole.

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-Get out. This is no time to mess about.

-I'm not.

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-I need help.

-I've been saying that for years.

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-PAUL SIGHS

-Give me your hand.

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-Euch.

-Steady, steady.

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Come on, come on.

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-Come on.

-Oooh!

-SQUELCHING

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-Ah. Have you got a tissue?

-No, I haven't.

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Would you mind standing downwind of me? We need to scarper

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before whoever is on the other end of that rod gets here.

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These guys are really good. Make themselves look like idiots

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to throw us off the scent. Real pros.

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There's movement inside again.

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How long does it take to download names and addresses

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to a memory stick?

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Do you hear that? That must be the list of our agents.

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We've got to get hold of that or every one of them will be exposed.

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They must be working for the other side.

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Trying to get to the target. Here, what they up to now?

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-I think we got away with it.

-We haven't unblocked the drains.

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-We use our heads.

-I'd rather use the rods.

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Look, the blockage wasn't from here to there. Correct?

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-Affirmative.

-A simple "correct" will suffice!

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It must be at the back of the house. Mmm?

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-A simple correct.

-Good. Get the stuff, get round the back

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-and get cracking.

-Will you give me a hand?

-I am.

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I'll make sure nothing is in your way.

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Right. Let's a take a look in that van.

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Well, well, well. This is a nice little set-up.

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What's this?

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SQUEAKING

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I'll tell you what,

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give it a blast of air with the Chuckleblaster.

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-You connect the pipes up.

-Where are you going?

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To ask the owner to turn the water on so we get a flow going.

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Don't turn that air on until I get back.

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-We don't want a repeat of what happened at Sunnydale Drive.

-Ooh.

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-The vicar will never be the same.

-No. And get cleaned up.

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At last. Who'd think a list of names

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would be worth so much to so many people?

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Hello?

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Anybody there? Hello?

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PAUL CHUCKLES Mmm!

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WHIRRING

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FAINT BEEPING

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BEEPING INCREASES

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GURGLING

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MACHINE BOOMS

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Bit more. More!

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Did you say something?

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-Yes, I did.

-Right, now shove!

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We've got one of those.

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-I thought you said you invented it.

-I did.

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They're inside.

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Just as I thought. They're working with him.

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-What are you doing here?

-BOTH: Oh!

-Oh!

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Somebody is in our van messing with my equipment. Follow me, Barry.

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Pardon us.

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Time I wasn't here.

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Paul.

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-Are you sure this is a good idea?

-Course.

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-We'll make a citizen's arrest.

-What if they don't want arresting?

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You cross that bridge when I come to it.

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-Ah! Caught in the act!

-You have been.

-What do you mean?

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Obviously, you're trying to steal equipment.

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-Why would we want to do that?

-To take over our drain-cleaning business.

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Ah.

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Yes.

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My memory stick!

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-Paul.

-Not now. I'm in the middle of a confrontation.

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-Who are you working for? Own up.

-The Queen.

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The Queen doesn't own a drain-cleaning company.

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-Does she?

-No, she doesn't.

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We work for Her Majesty's Secret Service. MI5 to you.

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BOTH: To us? Yes.

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You are both nicked for aiding a double agent. Now, where is he?

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There.

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I haven't finished with you. Get after him! Quick!

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I think it's time we weren't here. Let's get our equipment and scarper.

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-Come on, Barry.

-Oh.

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No sign of him.

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-That's odd.

-Sssh.

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-Don't shush me!

-Sssh!

-Anything you say.

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He's down there.

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SPLASHING

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-If he gets to the main sewers, we've lost him.

-I know.

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-You go round the front. I've got an idea.

-What have we got to lose?

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WATER RUSHING

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Aaargh!

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Aaargh!

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MAN CONTINUES TO SCREAM

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Oh. Oh.

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That's the blockage sorted out, I think!

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-Good work. Stroke of genius, that.

-Was it?

-It was.

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-Your country owes you a debt.

-Think nothing of it.

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-One does what one can.

-Not you, him.

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You can do us a favour and not do what one can ever again!

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There may be a reward in the pipeline.

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Can we keep it out the pipeline?

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I've had enough drains to last me a lifetime!

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-He hasn't got the memory stick.

-He did have. We saw him with it.

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I wonder where it is.

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BOTH: Forget it! You two are the drain brains.

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So why don't you get down there and find it?!

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Next time we start a business, can we make it something less smelly?

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-Euch, we certainly can.

-I think I've got it.

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Oh, give it here, then.

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That is NOT the memory stick.

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Oh, dear, oh, dear. You better wash your hands before dinner.

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# Chu-Chu-ChuckleVision

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# Chu-Chu-ChuckleVision Chu-Chu-ChuckleVision... #

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Ooh. Ha-ha.

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..scarper before whoever is on them rods gets out here.

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That was gabbled out!

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Get the stuff, we'll get crusacking.

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-Get what?!

-PAUL JABBERS

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The Chucks take to the streets as drain engineers. Paul is convinced they have competition from a rival firm, but they are actually MI5 agents scoping out a house. When Barry tries out a new camera system, the Chucks are suddenly suspected of being secret spies!


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