Choc Horror Dani's Castle

LEONIE CLEARS THROAT

-Guess who's bored?

-Well, read a book.

You must have a favourite book.

Yeah! 500 Jokes You Can Play With Stinging Nettles.

Come on!

Look, Leonie, I'm trying to read

the Earl of Bogmoor's private journal.

Hey, look of this! There's half a page missing.

As Jimmy would say, mystery-licious!

All that that means is that this page

is only half as boring as all the rest.

100 grams of butter, 140 grams of almonds,

and 85 grams of diced pineapple.

Looks like a recipe.

Let's hope it's a recipe for disaster.

Am I right?

I know just the person who could help work this out for us. Come on!

OK, so you want a cake on stilts for your giraffe's birthday party?

Yep, no problem, just need a few details.

OK, so, what's its name?

-SHE LAUGHS

-Steve the giraffe?

No. Yeah. Course.

Steve's a great name for a giraffe.

-One for you.

-And one for you.

-We're going to get cheesy breath.

-At least we'll be cheesy together.

Cheesy is right.

No, no, not you. Sorry, no. Yeah, that's everything I need.

Thanks for calling Kait's Bakes. Bye!

Jimmy, Gabe's about to leave if you want to say goodbye.

I can't believe the Gabester's been invited to give a speech at some

afterlife travel conference thing.

I can't believe there's an afterlife travel industry.

I still can't believe there's an afterlife.

Adieu, mon fame flamant.

"Goodbye my big hungry flamingo"?

Totally meant that.

Ready?

-Why don't you just talk to Rich?

-We've tried. It didn't work out.

Besides, I'm more about actions than words.

What do you think this is?

Erm, Looks like a recipe for a low-fat chocolate cake.

I knew you were the person to ask.

The first Earl of Bogmoor invented this recipe.

I bet this is the most perfect chocolate cake.

-What does Rich like more than anything?

-BOTH: Cake!

You should totes make it for him.

Yeah, I would, but this is only half the recipe.

If anyone can finish it, it's you.

LEONIE: Dylan, come on, I'm still bored. >

Good luck!

You have remembered everything, haven't you?

-Posters, leaflets, megaphone.

-Whoa!

I want everyone to hear what I have to say.

This conference is my chance to

shout about everything the Ghostel has achieved.

You have your speech, right?

-Just keep it short and sweet, yeah?

-This IS the short version.

DOOR CREAKS

-Well, I'll see you tomorrow.

-Good luck, man.

Not that you'll need it.

-It's going to be a disaster, ain't it?

-Yep.

OFF KEY SAXOPHONE PLAYS

Whoa! Wasn't expecting that.

I think I speak for both of us when I say, "What?".

-Or as they say where we come from...

-Hello!

-Rich, what's going on?

-How did yous two get outside?

-Is that Gabe and Esme?

Hello, there, ladies.

I thought they weren't allowed to leave the castle.

-How come you're dressed all suave?

-What's with the accents?

-How dare you disturb my tomb.

-Mummy! Stop it!

-Esme?

-That ain't Esme.

-I'm Ellie and this is Gerard.

-We've come to visit.

Didn't you get our postcard?

Erm... Remind us what it said, again?

We've been researching our family tree and it led us here.

ALL: Oh!

-So you're family! Why didn't you say so sooner? I'm Jimmy.

-I'm Rich.

And I'm Clare. Jimmy's girlfriend.

I'm Kait, co-owner of the castle.

Just a friend.

-Dylan. It's awesome to meet you.

-Very nice to meet you too.

Do you know, you look like a very good friend of mine.

LEONIE CLEARS THROAT

Right, yeah, this is Leonie.

Who used all the loo roll again.

-Here you go.

-Thanks(!)

Leonie, she's... Well, she's a...

A ghost.

-I was going to say a troublemaker.

-And proud!

Don't worry, we have ghosts of our own back at home.

-You seem a lot more friendly than our ghosts.

-Stick of gum?

-Don't mind if I do.

-The old "mousetrap in a stick of gum" trick.

She got us all with that one.

As if! I mean, look at this face.

Isn't this a face you can trust?

We'd love a tour of the castle, if that's not too much bother.

Anything for family.

You guys go on, we just need to head to the kitchen to check on...

-Things!

-Yep, ordinary things.

Things that you don't need to worry about. OK, bye!

-Girls are weird, you know.

-You said it. Come on, Gerard.

-Would you like to come and meet my bearded dragon?

-That would be great.

Come on, then!

Wow! They really look like Gabe and Esme. So freaky.

I inherited a lot from my papa.

He was fearless, brave, valiant and dashing.

Just like me.

So, what happened to him?

He... He got eaten by a cat.

That seems to happen a lot in your family.

We're family of cat hunters.

A family of cat snacks, more like.

So, this is the spare room.

Sorry, we weren't expecting any guests.

Not a problem, Jimmy.

Now, could you put me in the direction of the little boy's room?

It was a long journey and I'm rather busting.

Turn right, to the end on the left,

and be careful what you put down there, all right?

It's been a bit iffy since

Leonie tried to put that sleeping bag down there.

Wow! So, OK, we've got more family, and they're even friendlier.

-So many friends nowadays.

-What do you mean?

Kait. She called us friends.

Cuz, you just need to tell her how you feel, you know?

Treat it like it's a sales pitch or one of your business ideas.

"Dates With Rich Ltd - quality boyfriends or your money back!"

-Something like that.

-Maybe you're right.

Maybe I need to go big on this one.

Cheers, Jimmy. I've got this.

-It must be awesome to live in a castle.

-Yep, we have a tonne of fun.

Well, we did before smelly here showed up.

Be nice, she's family.

The first Earl of Bogmoor built this place.

-I wonder if he built any secret rooms.

-One or two, actually.

Intriguing! Have you ever been in them?

Well, me and my best friend here, yeah,

we messed about in them loads before his weird relatives showed up.

Ellie is a guest, show some respect.

Just because they look like Gabe and Esme

doesn't mean we have to automatically like them.

Well, I do, and if you don't like that, you know what to do.

Fine, then. I hope you have fun with your new girlfriend.

And I hope you'll both be very happy together.

So, tell me more about these secret rooms.

Did you ever find any really interesting old books in there?

Wow! That looks perfect!

-Shall we try a bit?

-It's for Rich.

-Yeah, but we want to know we got the recipe right.

-Come on, then!

AIR ESCAPES

Maybe we could...totally chuck it in the bin?

Back to the drawing board.

What are you doing?

Looking for the loo.

In the cupboard? Were you about to do something disgusting?

Ah! Wondered where you got to.

Got a bit lost en route.

-Do you want to go and see our radio station?

-I would love to.

-Is she bothering you?

-Mmm...

-Why do you never trust me?

-Because you've always got a trick up your sleeve.

-That's so not true!

Did you mean that?

Come on, Gerard.

WHOOPEE CUSHION BLOWS RASPBERRY

So, what's different this time, then?

Well, I've added a hint of chilli

-to bring out the sweetness in the chocolate.

-Ooh, spicy!

But remember, this cake is meant to be a surprise,

so not a word of it to Rich.

Not a word to Rich about what?

Nothing. Nothing.

-Erm... Have you been out somewhere?

-No, why?

Well, you're wearing your coat and your shoes are muddy.

Oh, yeah, no, I went for a walk.

You know, help clear the mind. Generate a new business idea.

What you girls been up to?

-We're just making a c...

-KAIT CLEARS THROAT

Casserole!

Yeah, yeah, we're just making a casserole

to welcome the new family members, obviously.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I'll leave you to it, eh?

-Since when did Rich go on walks?

-Why, what are you thinking?

Nothing, I'm not saying he's been out to meet someone new.

-You mean a girl?

-No!

No, no, I said he's NOT doing that.

-Probably.

-I'm too late. He's already met someone else.

No, I didn't mean that.

But unless you two get back together soon, then what's stopping him?

-Now, come on, let's make this cake.

-OK.

CAKE MIX BUBBLES

I think I'll leave you to it.

We've got woofers, subwoofers, faders, subfaders,

foofers, waders, and subwaders.

And what was this room before it became a studio?

-Well, it was mostly junk, really.

-Any interesting junk among it?

-No, we just binned most of it.

-Binned it?

Hi, babe-licious!

Sorry, need to excuse myself again. Terribly long journey.

Too much orange squash.

Hi!

What a week!

First I get together with the most amazing girl in space and time,

and now my family just gets even bigger.

It means a lot to you, doesn't it?

You know, I grew up without a family, and now I just can't get enough.

You know, Gerard's a really nice guy.

He does seem to use the toilet quite a lot, though, doesn't he?

Psst!

It must be here somewhere.

We don't know if they've even found it.

I've tried asking, but Dylan just drones on about reptiles and books.

-All right, you two? Enjoying the castle, are we?

-Absolutely.

Well, make yourselves at home,

-and remember - what's ours is years.

-Music to our ears!

The sooner we find what we came here for,

-the sooner we can get away from these idiots.

-Agreed.

SHE COUGHS

I'll check over here.

-What are you doing?

-Hello! What?

Ah! Yes, fine. What? No. Yes.

-We were just admiring...

-Your kitchen!

-Anyway, must dash.

-Need the loo.

-Yeah, me too. Bursting.

-I overheard them plotting.

-Plotting what?

They are up to something. Nobody believes me.

Maybe if you spent less time playing pranks and causing trouble

-we'd believe you more often.

-I'm telling the truth.

I suppose they were acting a bit weird in here just now.

See? They're up to something.

We're going to need some proof before we tell the others.

Tonight when everyone else is in bed, I'll meet you by the front door.

We'll catch them in the act.

OWL HOOTS

And Ellie wants to know everything about life at the castle.

-She's so cool.

-Yeah, her and Gerard seem cool.

Maybe they take after our side of the family.

-The cool side.

-I just wish Leonie liked her too.

Leonie's a fine one to talk

after all the trouble she's caused around here.

Remember when she hid a fish in my duvet?

Of course I remember. I had to sleep with that smell, too.

-I thought it was coming from you.

-Yeah, so did I.

Do you know how many showers I had to have?

I hope they hang around.

I've got a feeling me and Ellie could become best friends.

Look, bruv, it's great you're getting along with Ellie,

but you do know she's not Esme, don't you?

Well, duh! She's got a different name and she's human.

Meaning we can really have fun together.

I know, but sometimes it can be confusing.

Especially when they look the same.

I'm not confused.

Look, sometimes when you lose something or you lose someone,

you try and fill in the gaps in your life.

And not always in the right way.

-So when you and Kait broke up, did you fill in the gap?

-Yeah.

No. Well, to be honest, I don't know.

But this is not about me, all I'm saying is,

keep an open mind when it comes to Ellie.

Well, I don't need to, because I already know we're going to be BFFs.

Oh! She's done it again! DYLAN LAUGHS

You take the East Wing. I'll look in the West.

-They are up to something. You were right.

-I'm always right.

I can't believe it's taken you so long to realise.

OK. I'll go after Ellie.

You stay here and keep a lookout in case Gerard doubles back.

FLOORBOARD CREAKS

SCREAMING

-BOTH: He's me!

-Why are there two mes?!

-It's not possible.

-Have I split in two?

-Only amoebas can do that.

Guys, chill out, we can explain.

Esme! When did you return from the other side?

That's not Esme. This is Gerard and Ellie.

They're your descendants.

You're human?

Fascinating.

-How did the conference go, Gabe?

-A brilliant success.

My Ghostel is well and truly on the map.

LEONIE: Right, Yeah, OK, you can do some small talk later.

-Why were these two sneaking around at night?

-Here we go again.

-Bird-watching.

-Toilet.

Well, which was it? Bird-watching or looking for the toilet?

-We were looking for...owls.

-KAIT: In the toilet?

There is a rare breed of Bogmoor owl

which only nests in toilets.

Yes, the...erm...rare Bogmoor toilet owl.

Well, why are you both dressed like Ninjas?

-So we don't startle the owls.

-Seems fair to me.

Please don't tell me you're actually buying this?

RICH: Why don't we all some sleep and talk about it in the morning?

-I hope this doesn't affect our friendship.

-Of course not.

I love hanging out with you, Dylan.

Goodnight, everyone.

-They are definitely up to something.

-No, they are not, they're solid.

And if you carry on like this you'll drive them away.

Do you know what? This has got to stop.

Please, Rich. Leonie's right. Those two are definitely dodgy.

Come on, Dylan.

-Dylan!

-Rich!

-I believe you.

-You do?

There's something about that Gerard's face I just don't trust.

COCK CROWS

Morning, second cuz, twice removed.

-We're going on a picnic if you'd like to come along.

-I don't know.

I'm very tired after our disrupted night's sleep.

Yeah, sorry about that. What can I say? Kait and Leonie aren't family.

Hello, hello!

They're chocolate makers. What else have you got in here?

-Lovely breakfast, Gabe.

-Thank you.

Wait, you've not had any cereal.

-No, thank you.

-Yoghurt? It's blueberry.

I don't want any.

-Grapefruit. Try some, it is delicious.

-Get out of my face!

Wait!

Well, if they're not going to have any, I might as well.

Hi! Hello! Gerard. How's it going? Good morning.

-Excuse me, I would like to get into my bedroom.

-No, listen, I...

-I just wanted to...apologise. You know, for last night.

-It's fine.

Wait! There's... There's something you need to know.

It's really important. OK.

Erm... I...

I...like you.

I mean, REALLY like you. In that way.

Now it all makes sense.

I know! I've not gone about telling you in the traditional way.

I'll say!

But I was thinking, maybe, you know, we could spend some time together.

Tonight. Just the two of us.

-Excuse me.

-No! Stop!

-Rich, wait!

-It's fine, Kait, you can like who you want.

-But I don't.

I only like...

-I've got it!

-Got what?

Everything we need to prove that Gerard and Ellie are up to no good.

Not this again. I'm confused.

You fancy Gerard or do you think he's dodgy?

Go get the others and we'll explain everything.

Chocolate! Lovely, lovely chocolate.

Chocolate is full of sugar and fat.

You should be eating a balanced diet

with five portions of fruit and veg a day.

-Well... Chocolate comes from cocoa, right?

-Right.

-And cocoa comes from a tree.

-Yes.

-And fruit grows on trees.

-OK.

So, it's pretty much one of my five day.

It's practically a...salad!

I cannot believe you would break into our bedrooms

-and sneak through our private belongings.

-We are family.

-You ain't my family.

-You're a fine one to talk about sneaking around.

Perhaps they could explain why they never mentioned

they were artisan chocolatiers.

It didn't seem important.

Making chocolate isn't exactly a crime.

Well, can you explain why

we found half a chocolate cake recipe in your luggage.

-What?

-What does that prove?

Is that why you wanted to know about the old secret rooms?

So you could find the other half of the recipe?

Dylan was looking through the Earl's secret journal

and he found half a recipe for the perfect chocolate cake.

I gave it to Kait to try and complete.

And Leonie found the other half in their suitcase.

All right, it's true. That's why we came here.

The Earl, our shared ancestor,

knew he had created the perfect chocolate cake.

One so rich and sweet that people

would go mad with desire for more chocolate.

And best of all, it could be eaten without making people put on weight.

Unlike most chocolate cake, it was actually good for you.

The Earl knew that if the recipe ever got out it would cause chaos.

People would do anything for it.

So the Earl tore it in half

and sent half of it to our ancestors in England.

And stashed the other half here in the castle.

So you wanted the recipe for your chocolate business.

That recipe would make us billionaires.

-So why didn't you just ask for it?

-Yeah, families share stuff.

Well, in that case.

-Thanks! Gerard, run!

-Stop them!

If that recipe gets out, it could destroy the world!

And people say that I'm a drama queen!

-It's stuck!

-Let me!

Cheers, ears!

That's our recipe! It is our inheritance.

Technically, it's half your inheritance.

This recipe is well dangerous.

We're going to destroy before it causes any more chaos.

Leave that to me.

Excuse me.

I am ashamed to be your ancestor!

Fine!

We're going. But this isn't the last you've seen of us.

-I owe you an apology.

-Nah, just promise me one thing.

-That you'll believe every single thing I ever say from now on.

-Deal.

Cool. Your... Your laces are untied.

-So you really didn't fancy Gerard?

-So not my type.

I am strangely offended.

-So what is your type.

-You know, rich boys.

Well, one RICH boy in particular.

Meet me in the kitchen in an hour.

-In here.

-What is this?

-It's a surprise.

-Stop. Ready?

-Yeah.

Ta da!

-You made it?

-Yeah. I made it for you.

-Hey!

-You can have some too.

I thought you were going to destroy the recipe.

There. Come on, we had to try it first.

It's perfect.

-Just like you.

-CHEERING

Shut up! I was really worried that you'd found somebody else.

Oh, no, I have. I'll introduce you if you like. Come!

Her name's Nelly.

A local girl, beautiful brown eyes, blonde flowing hair,

a long tail that swishes side to side

to keep the flies away from her bum.

Well, I hope that the two of you are really happy to...

Wait, a tail?

HORSE SNORTS

Meet Nelly.

I started horse riding lessons.

Ah, so that's where you snuck out to yesterday.

-I thought we could go riding together.

-You'd do that for me?

I'd do anything for you.

Yuk.

Let's go get cake.

-Come on, guys. Let's leave them to it.

-I wish I could have cake.