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It's a Wonderful Afterlife Dani's Castle

It's a Wonderful Afterlife

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Transcript

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# Silent night

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# Holy night

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# All is calm... #

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'Twas the night before Christmas

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When all through the house

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Not a creature was stirring

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Not even a mouse.

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DOOR CREAKS AND SLAMS

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The stockings were hung on the chimney with care

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In hope that St Nicholas soon...

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Be quiet!

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I spent all day hunting cats...

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HE SPITS

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..and I need to rest.

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Well, you should have taken the day off, Carlos. It is Christmas!

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I don't do days off!

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Whoa!

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Forget about Christmas Eve, more like Cross-Mouse Eve!

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SHE LAUGHS

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Cross-Mouse Eve!

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Do you get it? Cos Christmas...

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No?

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SHE SIGHS

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BOOK BANGS SHUT

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(Sorry.)

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HE SIGHS

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BAUBLE CRUNCHES

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HE SIGHS

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My friends...

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I am sorry for everything.

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I bid you this final farewell.

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I shall miss you all.

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DOOR CREAKS

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WIND BLOWS

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Now that's how you make an entrance.

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-Merry Christmas, brother!

-Shh!

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You'll wake the others.

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They'll get over it.

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Now brace yourself. I'm coming in for a big Christmas hug.

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Esme, wait, I have something...

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I've missed you, Gabe. I can't wait to spend Christmas with you.

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HE SIGHS

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I fear you may have had a wasted visit.

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There will be no Christmas for me.

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-I am going.

-Going crazy? Going to the toilet?

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Going...?

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Oh...

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You're not leaving again?

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I have done something terrible.

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I have...

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I have ruined Christmas.

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How did you manage that?

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It all began yesterday.

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On Christmas Eve.

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# On the fourth day of Christmas My true love sent to me

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# Four calling birds

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# Three French hens

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# Two turtle doves

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# And a partridge in a pear tree

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# On the fifth day of Christmas My true love sent to me

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# Five gold rings

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# Four calling birds Three French hens

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# Two turtle doves And a partridge in a pear tree

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# On the sixth day of Christmas My true love sent to me

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# Six geese a-laying Five gold rings

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# Four calling birds Three French hens

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# Two turtle doves And a partridge in a pear tree

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HE SIGHS

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# On the seventh day of Christmas My true love sent to me

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# Seven swans a-swimming

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# Six geese a-laying

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# Five...

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# golden rings!

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# Four birds are calling... #

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And at number three it's the French hens...

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Coming in at number two, turtle doves.

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Our numero uno weirdest present of all time is...

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a partridge in a pear tree.

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Seriously? Who gives someone a partridge in a tree for Christmas?

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Plus, how do we beat that next Christmas?

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A vulture in a rosebush?

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Pigeons in a rubber plant?

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-Penguin in a hedge?

-Well, that's our list.

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Why not text or e-mail us

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with the weirdest present you've ever received?

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Up next, some more cast-iron Christmas classics.

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Bang out some Christmas bells, booya!

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JINGLE: 'BOGMOOR FM!'

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Ahh...

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It's good to be back in chilly Bogmoor for Christmas this year.

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Yeah, couldn't imagine having Christmas somewhere hot.

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Sweat or snow? No competition.

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Try building a sweat man. Not easy.

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Ugh, gross. I'd rather not think about that, thanks.

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You know, the thing I missed most was definitely Christmas carols.

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You can't beat a bit of tradition.

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What are those?

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These?

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These are Balinese skull amulets.

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They ward off evil spirits.

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Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

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-I got them from...

-Let me guess, Bali?

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The internet.

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Well, they're not very Christmassy. Got anything else?

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Erm...

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-CLATTERING

-Oh!

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Luminous penguins!

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Now you're talking!

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It's Christmas!

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Wow, someone's excited.

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Dude, this is my first Christmas since the '70s.

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That's 40-odd Christmases I missed out on.

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I want everything I never got.

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Go on, read it.

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OK, so you want...

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I want...

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-Space hoppers...

-(Space hoppers!)

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Catapults...

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-Spud guns...

-Spud guns!

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I'm not sure whether this stuff is still around.

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Most of it sounds lethal.

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Chill out, grandad boring!

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Nobody in the '70s ever got hurt by any of this stuff.

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Says the dead girl.

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Hey! Got us these.

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-Should be able to fit it all in there.

-Ooh...

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Why are they so smelly?

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I don't know. I found them in an old chest.

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Maybe they belonged to a giant with stinky feet.

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Festive greetings, Master Dylan, Lady Leonie!

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Yo, Gabriella! How's the cooking going?

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So far, so good.

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I put the turkey in early

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to avoid a repeat of last year's undercooked fiasco.

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-I thought the turkey was going to get up and run away.

-Yeah.

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-Would you care for a mince pie?

-Don't mind if I do.

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The secret ingredient is minced turkeys' necks.

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-With vinegar.

-Oh!

-DYLAN SPLUTTERS

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-Urgh...

-Hey, Gabester.

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Would you mind washing our Christmas stockings for us?

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It would be my pleasure.

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I will have them smelling piney-fresh and clean

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for the big day.

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Toodle-pip.

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Ugh...

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-RICH:

-Coming up, we announce the winners

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of our "design a sandwich at Christmas" competition.

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Looks like Jimmy's started judging that one as I speak.

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-Christmas punch?

-Whoa! Oh!

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What have you done?!

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-RADIO DISTORTS

-I'll give you a Christmas punch!

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Gabe, you can't just pop up in the middle of a show!

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It was an accident! I wish to spread my Christmas cheer!

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Make like some butter and spread yourself somewhere else.

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The village was relying on us to give them Christmas joy.

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-I didn't mean to...

-Seriously, mate, just get lost.

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Yeah, before you do more damage.

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-GABE SIGHS

-I am sorry.

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Oh, come on, have some dignity.

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Ooh!

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Oh, ooh!

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HE BLOWS FRANTICALLY

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The turkey!

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Yo, Gabriella.

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Did you, um... manage to wash our stockings?

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Of course, Lady Leonie.

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-I believe they have just finished.

-Wicked.

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Thanks, Gabe.

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Massive Christmas present stash, here we come!

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Oh, dear.

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What have you done?

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We're not going to be able to fit any Christmas presents in there.

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Unless we want nothing for Christmas except a tiny bean.

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Or a thimble.

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Or a subatomic particle.

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Perhaps if I wash them again

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they will revert back to their former size.

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Washing machines don't work like that, Gabe.

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Thanks, Gabe.

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Thanks a lot(!)

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If we get nothing for Christmas, I'm holding you responsible.

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Even if I do say so myself - wow.

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Like, majorly epic wowbombs.

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I should think so after six hours decorating this place.

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The boys are going to love it.

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I've got a really good feeling about Christmas this year.

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Goodness!

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You have done a most remarkable job.

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-What a transformation.

-Thanks, Gabe!

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Only one thing left to do now,

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-putting the star on the top of the tree.

-Oh...

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Would you perchance permit me the honour?

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Erm, well...I sort of promised Jimmy he could do it.

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He'll get over it. Here you go, Gabe. Be our guest.

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Thank you.

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Er, now...be careful, Gabe.

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OK, easy...

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Gabe!

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Be careful!

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Oh!

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Oh!

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Sorry...

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Oh!

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I...

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KAIT SIGHS

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Six hours' work!

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I just wanted to help.

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Oh, you've helped, all right, helped ruin Christmas.

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Yeah, nice job(!)

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GABE SIGHS

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So you're going to give up because you made a few mistakes?

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-Big deal!

-This is more than a few mistakes, sister.

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We know how important Christmas is to our friends.

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Stop being such a drama queen!

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Everyone messes up.

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Well, except me, but I'm perfect.

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It just seems I can never get anything right.

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You know, you're such a buzzkill.

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"I'm the ghost of Christmas moping about feeling sorry for myself."

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With good reason.

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Sometimes I wish I had never existed.

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Whoa, careful, brother of mine!

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Wishes around Christmas tend to come true.

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If only this one would.

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Fine. You've asked for it.

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How are you doing that?

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Ghosts get a few new tricks this time of year.

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It's about time you found out just how important you are.

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Remember this?

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-So, that's all we have time...

-That's all we have...

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-Time for...

-Time...

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Are you going to say it?

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I don't even know where we are now, I'm lost.

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-Basically, bye, Bogmouth..

-No, Bogmoor, Bogmoor FM?

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Bog...

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-FEEDBACK SQUEALS

-Ow!

-Ooh!

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-What was you doing?

-This is your radio station.

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I'm not going to lie, Jimmy, but I was en pointe.

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-I was there!

-No, you got your lines wrong!

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You didn't even know what you were saying! It was your fault!

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I remember this. It was last year,

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the day Masters Rich and Jimmy staged their first radio show.

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-That was a disaster.

-What an embarrassment.

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If I wasn't wearing these slick garms,

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you'd see that I'm red from the ankles up.

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I don't think we're cut out to be DJs.

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We might as well forget it and find something else to do with our time.

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That was amazing.

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I've just been listening on the radio-phoney-and-visiony device.

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You were... What is it?

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Swagger...

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Licious?

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No Gabe, it was more like fail-icious.

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You sounded spectacular to me.

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-You are going to be stars.

-Yeah, shooting stars.

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-The ones that crash and burn.

-Yeah, we're just going to give up.

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But you can't give up on your dreams.

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I never gave up on learning the harmonium.

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-No offence, Gabe, but your harmonium playing is pretty botch.

-Exactly!

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Nobody becomes an expert overnight.

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I'm still learning, and the best way to learn...

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..is to do.

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He has got a point, you know.

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Please keep trying.

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You are going to be truly special DJs.

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What do you reckon? Shall we try again tomorrow?

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I guess we couldn't get any worse.

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-Cheers for that, Gabe.

-What would we do without you?

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TUNELESS HARMONIUM CHORDS

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You see? If you hadn't been there,

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Jimmy and Rich would have never followed their dream.

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-Well, I'm sure they'd have found their way eventually.

-Really?

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Why don't we go to another timeline

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where you weren't there to convince Rich or Jimmy to carry on.

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SHE CLICKS HER FINGERS

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Look what would have happened, all because you hadn't been there.

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-RICH:

-Interesting, yes.

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Ha!

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What do we think, James?

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My tornado diorama is almost complete.

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Spectacular work, Richard.

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I especially love your attention to detail on the cotton wool clouds.

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Oh!

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It's just marvellous!

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Morning tea, James?

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Don't mind if I do, Richard.

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MUSIC: Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee

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Sister, what has happened to them?

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They lost all confidence in themselves,

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then they lost their swagger.

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Without Bogmoor FM to inspire them, they took up a new hobby.

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Amateur weather forecasting.

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I sketched a lovely stratocumulus cloud formation this afternoon.

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As you can see, it is shaped like Lady Gaga with a runny nose.

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JIMMY CHUCKLES

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Do you know I once saw a nimbostratus

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that looked like Justin Bieber wrestling an alligator.

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Fascinating!

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I will add your sightings to my records immediately.

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Ooh!

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Oh, my diorama!

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My diorama!

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I intended that.

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It's ruined!

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Calm down, Richard, it is just a storm in a teacup.

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-Oh!

-Ah!

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-No, no, no!

-Oh!

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RICH SCREAMS

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If I had never existed, Masters Rich and Jimmy would turn into that?

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Not cool, right?

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Like, the opposite of cool, like, melted thermometer not cool.

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At least tell me they still got together

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-with Ladies Kaitlyn and Clare?

-Afraid not.

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They just spend all day staring at clouds. Big snooze, right?

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The horror!

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But it changes nothing, sister.

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Look at this room!

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I have wrecked all Lady Kait and Clare's hard work.

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Well, let's see if you change your mind

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once you find out what happens to them without you around.

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CLICKS HER FINGERS

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Ah! Don't open that! There's a big...

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-Clare, they've burned!

-Well, I tried to get them out but they...

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Look at them! You've ruined everything.

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No-one eats your pies anyway.

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-Yes, they do, they're my top sellers, actually.

-Top sellers for pigs!

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Obviously - I run a pet snacks business.

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This was months ago,

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the day Ladies Kaitlyn and Clare had a big argument.

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You are such a control freak!

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Well, at least I'm not a complete chicken!

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Lady Kaitlyn, Lady Clare, what on earth is going on?

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She burnt my order of pies cos she wouldn't get them out of the oven.

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-I tried but there was a big spider in the way.

-What, this?

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This spider?

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-KAIT GASPS

-Don't touch it!

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It's the green bit off the top of a tomato.

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You're actually scared of a tomato stem!

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KAIT SCREAMS

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Ladies, please! You're friends!

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Remember how much you missed one another when Clare was travelling?

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I suppose.

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Then why don't you stop this, and start the pies again?

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There will surely be no harm done.

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CLARE SIGHS

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What are we doing?

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I don't know.

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You're still totally my bestie.

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And you're mine!

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-Thanks, Gabe.

-What would we do without you?

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What, indeed?

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Let's find out.

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Shall we go to the future, brother?

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SHE CLICKS HER FINGERS

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-Merry Christmas!

-Festive salutations, friendly girl.

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Now, is it me, or does that cloud look like Ed Sheeran taking a bath?

0:17:170:17:22

She's not here, is she?

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No, Clare, Kaitlyn is not here.

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Phew! She is totally the last person I want to see this Christmas.

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You're still not talking?

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No, I won't be talking to her ever again.

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Like I care, anyway.

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-Guys, I brought you presents.

-Presents?!

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You didn't have to get us presents!

0:17:420:17:44

Open them!

0:17:440:17:46

Ah! A new thermos flask, with non-slippy coating!

0:17:460:17:49

These will certainly come in handy when we go cloud spotting!

0:17:490:17:53

JIMMY AND RICH CHUCKLE

0:17:530:17:54

I shall fill mine with warming broth.

0:17:540:17:58

Or perhaps vegetable.

0:17:580:18:00

Ecstatic!

0:18:000:18:01

KNOCK AT DOOR

0:18:010:18:04

Don't open it! It might be...

0:18:040:18:06

Merry Chris... Oh...

0:18:060:18:09

Her. DOOR SLAMS

0:18:090:18:10

What's she doing here?

0:18:100:18:11

Tell Kait that "she" has a name,

0:18:110:18:13

and "she" could say the same thing about her.

0:18:130:18:16

Well, tell Clare that Kait still hasn't forgiven her

0:18:160:18:18

for ruining her business, and never will.

0:18:180:18:21

Tell Kait that Clare hasn't forgiven her either

0:18:210:18:23

for being a bossy control freak, and won't until she apologises.

0:18:230:18:26

Apologises for what? You called me names and trashed my order.

0:18:260:18:30

Let it go! I never called you names, you Christmas grinch!

0:18:300:18:33

CLARE GASPS How dare you call me a grinch?!

0:18:330:18:35

No, take that! KAIT SCREAMS

0:18:350:18:37

-No, you take that!

-Oh!

0:18:370:18:39

-Now this!

-Oh!

0:18:390:18:41

I spent ages on these mince pies!

0:18:410:18:43

SCREAMING

0:18:430:18:44

This is going to be a great Christmas, I do not think!

0:18:440:18:48

At least they're talking again.

0:18:480:18:50

Stop it! Stop it!

0:18:500:18:52

I can't believe my friends could fall out so easily.

0:18:520:18:56

All because you didn't exist.

0:18:560:18:59

Are you sure you're not just inventing these visions?

0:18:590:19:02

As if I'd do that.

0:19:020:19:03

This is exactly what would happen if you weren't around.

0:19:030:19:06

Scout's honour.

0:19:060:19:07

You are not a scout.

0:19:070:19:09

Wouldn't you want to find out

0:19:100:19:11

-what would happen to Dylan and Leonie without you?

-Do I want to?

0:19:110:19:15

It's up to you.

0:19:150:19:16

Theirs is perhaps the saddest story of them all.

0:19:160:19:19

Tell me. I need to know.

0:19:190:19:22

Well, let's go back once again.

0:19:220:19:24

-Do you remember this, brother?

-I do remember this.

0:19:260:19:29

Master Dylan was testing the limits of our ghost powers.

0:19:290:19:32

You are certain this isn't dangerous?

0:19:350:19:38

So what if it is? Live a little.

0:19:380:19:41

That's easier said than done when you're a ghost.

0:19:410:19:43

I want to test how you're physically able

0:19:430:19:46

to interact with the mortal realm as well as each other.

0:19:460:19:49

You mean like this?

0:19:490:19:50

Don't do that!

0:19:520:19:54

This experiment will discover

0:19:540:19:55

whether you are really dead or just in a different state of existence.

0:19:550:19:59

Here we go.

0:19:590:20:01

MACHINE WHIZZES AND BLEEPS

0:20:050:20:07

-Fascinating data!

-MACHINE BLEEPS

0:20:070:20:10

-What is this?

-Look out!

0:20:100:20:13

What is it?

0:20:130:20:14

The machine's gone onto overdrive!

0:20:140:20:17

Leonie, get down!

0:20:170:20:19

CRASHING

0:20:210:20:22

Seriously heavy!

0:20:220:20:24

I don't know what happened.

0:20:240:20:25

Chill out, it was fun.

0:20:250:20:27

I'm just glad you were here to help.

0:20:270:20:29

Ta for that, Gabester.

0:20:290:20:32

Happy to be of help.

0:20:320:20:34

-ESME:

-You see, brother?

0:20:340:20:36

If you hadn't been there, the energy would have struck Leonie.

0:20:360:20:39

-What would have happened to her?

-Are you sure you want to know?

0:20:390:20:42

-Sister, show me!

-SHE SIGHS

0:20:420:20:45

SHE CLICKS HER FINGERS

0:20:450:20:46

-The machine's gone onto overdrive.

-Whoa! What is it?

0:20:550:20:58

Look out!

0:20:580:20:59

Ahh!

0:20:590:21:01

Leonie?

0:21:030:21:04

Leonie, where are you?

0:21:040:21:07

Look, I'm really sorry, the machine was on overload, and..

0:21:070:21:11

Dylan?

0:21:110:21:12

Dylan! Dylan!

0:21:120:21:14

What happened?

0:21:160:21:18

The energy must have somehow fused you with the mirror.

0:21:180:21:22

You can get me out, though, can't you?

0:21:220:21:25

I mean, you're really smart.

0:21:250:21:26

I know you can get me out.

0:21:260:21:28

Dylan?

0:21:300:21:31

Dylan, get me out of here!

0:21:320:21:34

Dylan!

0:21:340:21:35

Dylan!

0:21:350:21:37

-ESME:

-'Without you there to save Leonie,'

0:21:370:21:39

she would have been trapped in that mirror forever.

0:21:390:21:43

Sister, I have seen enough.

0:21:460:21:47

So much would be different had I never existed.

0:21:490:21:53

My friends' lives would be...

0:21:530:21:54

A total suck-fest.

0:21:540:21:56

I was going to say "different."

0:21:560:21:59

But, yes, they certainly seemed less happy.

0:21:590:22:03

Now do you see the difference you make? To everyone?

0:22:030:22:06

HE SIGHS

0:22:060:22:08

I had no idea.

0:22:080:22:10

Good!

0:22:120:22:13

Right, phew! Crisis over. Now we can have some fun.

0:22:130:22:18

But I still ruined Christmas.

0:22:180:22:20

How can I look them in the eye on Christmas morning after what I did?

0:22:200:22:24

Cheer up, Grumpy-Claus!

0:22:240:22:25

There's still a few hours till the sun comes up,

0:22:250:22:28

and if we've learnt anything tonight,

0:22:280:22:30

it's that you are the king of fixing things.

0:22:300:22:32

Will you help me?

0:22:340:22:36

What do you think I've been doing all night?

0:22:360:22:38

Putting a few decorations back up is nothing compared to that.

0:22:380:22:41

SLEIGH BELLS JINGLE

0:22:440:22:47

It's Christmas, it's Christmas!

0:22:540:22:57

Wake up, sleepyhead!

0:22:570:22:58

Ha! I got you this.

0:22:580:23:00

-What time is it?

-It's opening presents time, silly. Budge up!

0:23:000:23:04

Here you go.

0:23:050:23:07

You did get me something, didn't you?

0:23:070:23:09

Here's your present.

0:23:100:23:12

OK...after three.

0:23:120:23:14

One...two...three.

0:23:140:23:16

BOTH: Best present ever!

0:23:260:23:28

ROXY GIGGLES

0:23:280:23:30

Merry Christ-mouse, Carlos.

0:23:320:23:34

Merry Christ-mouse, Roxy.

0:23:340:23:36

ALL: Merry Christmas!

0:23:450:23:48

It's proper freezing out here.

0:23:480:23:49

-Well, come inside, we've got loads of presents here.

-Yeah...

0:23:490:23:52

If we got any after our stockings got shrunk.

0:23:520:23:55

If I know Father Christmas, he would have found a way.

0:23:550:23:58

KAIT GIGGLES

0:24:010:24:03

Ooh...

0:24:030:24:04

POP

0:24:040:24:05

It's like kissing a snowman! My lips were stuck!

0:24:050:24:08

THEY LAUGH

0:24:080:24:09

LAUGHTER

0:24:150:24:16

Whoa! Look at our stockings, Dylan!

0:24:160:24:18

LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

0:24:180:24:21

This is so nice!

0:24:210:24:22

-This is so cool!

-It looks amazing.

0:24:220:24:24

Merry Christmas, everyone!

0:24:250:24:28

You have no idea how wonderful it is to see you all.

0:24:280:24:32

You sounded like you've not seen us in a week.

0:24:330:24:36

It feels like even longer.

0:24:360:24:37

You fixed the tree.

0:24:370:24:39

And the decorations.

0:24:390:24:40

-And our stockings.

-Actually, I made some new stockings.

0:24:400:24:45

Thanks, Gabe.

0:24:450:24:46

Oh, and what is that yummy smell?

0:24:460:24:48

That would be the turkey in the oven.

0:24:480:24:50

How did you do all this in one night?

0:24:500:24:52

-What would we do without you, Gabe?

-Well...

0:24:520:24:55

I had a little help.

0:24:550:24:56

Surprise!

0:24:560:24:59

ALL: Esme!

0:24:590:25:00

-Hey, BFF, I've missed you.

-I missed you too.

0:25:000:25:03

How's the afterlife? Boring as ever?

0:25:050:25:07

Let's just say Christmas is way more fun in the mortal realm.

0:25:070:25:11

Tell me about it!

0:25:110:25:12

OK, guys, let's catch up later. Presents, people!

0:25:120:25:15

Woo-hoo!

0:25:150:25:16

Dylan, this is for you.

0:25:180:25:19

Merry Christmas.

0:25:190:25:21

# Every time it snows I see you

0:25:250:25:30

# And I feel no cold

0:25:300:25:35

# As you lend me your coat

0:25:360:25:41

# Through the pale white glow I... #

0:25:410:25:45

Oh, oh, oh! We should totally sing a Christmas carol.

0:25:450:25:49

THEY ALL GROAN

0:25:490:25:51

Oh, please! I didn't get any Christmas music last year.

0:25:510:25:54

KNOCK AT DOOR

0:25:540:25:55

I wonder who that could be.

0:25:550:25:57

Oh, it's carol singers.

0:26:050:26:07

Come in, guys.

0:26:070:26:09

HARMONIUM PLAYS

0:26:090:26:10

This really is the perfect Christmas.

0:26:100:26:12

# ..fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la

0:26:120:26:14

# 'Tis the season to be jolly

0:26:140:26:17

# Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la

0:26:170:26:19

# Don we now our gay apparel

0:26:190:26:22

# Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la

0:26:220:26:24

# Troll the ancient Yuletide carol

0:26:240:26:27

# Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la #

0:26:270:26:29

LAUGHTER

0:26:290:26:31

Oh, I love being a ghost at Christmas!

0:26:310:26:33

Merry Christmas, guys!

0:26:330:26:35

ALL: Merry Christmas, everyone!

0:26:350:26:37

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