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Roberts. You're watching DNN. up on today's show: Stupid
criminals! Formula One.And Hollywood star Miranda Cosgrove.
Seriously, Bob, what are you doing? I worked out what the words on the
screen are. It's a karaoke machine. No, it's an autocue. And you are a
bit flat All the news you needOn second. That's better. No, that's
better. That's the biggest mug on this show. No, that would definitely
be you, Bob. Finally getting the respect I deserve. The headlines:
Cats find a solution to not having pockets. Gina from Tracy Beaker
returns caught cheating in moustache growing competition. The Queen
disguises herself as a bear but is rumbled by passers-by. Never mind
about that, I have a story to break. Unicorns at Ascot? Not that,
somebody's printing news on paper and selling it That would be a
newspaper, Bob. There is a name for it? How long has this been going on?
I am furious. Look, they've left it half-done. They expect me to fill in
the words. The bum-bums! That's a crosswoord Well, I am angry.No,
it's a puzzle. It certainly is, Felicity. Time for the showbiz news
with the diva who puts the strop into pop. Stacey Mayonnaise. It's
Stacey-May. Can't you get anything right? Let me answer that on camera
two, yes. What's happening this week in showbiz? Well, Hollywood star
Miranda Cosgrove... No, graphic, you can't have her. What are you doing?
Saving your life! I have to interrupt you, that means there is
breaking news. That's not fair, I was here first. Let's cross to the
unlucky reporter who's missed more events than sleeping beauty. Hello,
Phil Hi, I am live at a botanical garden in the heart of
Nottinghamshire where it's like my favourite show, Springwatch. I am
trying to get exclusive rare footage of a very elusive animal. What is
it? A leopard, a mammoth, a leopammoth, an animal I made up?
it's a bumblebee I am better than a bumblebee! For Phil, this is good.
Thank you. With me is famous zoologist Dr Honey Potts who tell me
this rare bee has been spotted in these grounds and it's up to us to
track it down. Yes, this particular bee is the rarest member of the
Bombus family All right, no one cares about the science. What we are
interested in is the exclusive. ? that case, I am afraid there is no
bee as of yet. It's already been six hours. Nothing doing yet. But once
it shows up we will be here to spot it live. Back to the studio. Thanks,
Phil. Looking forward to that exclusive. When pigs fly. Flying
pigs? I just washed my car. This week musician Andrew set feet
tapping when he drummed for 24 hours as part of a ceremony. Nothing
unusual there. Awards are full of people banging their own drums
you would know. Drumming is great. You can use anything for percussion,
I have used a bucket, pans, mixing bowl and my voice. Let's go.
Boom-boom, check! Oh no! I don't think I will bother mum, actually.
love you 24-hour drumming man! I love you so much I am playing my own
head. Ow! I can't say I am impressed. I played the drums all
day in a marching band through the rain in silence with half a biscuit
to share with the group. It was the happiest time of my life! Time to go
to the guy who puts the T into teapots, just not often enough. It's
Jahmene. With you in a sec, just blogging. Shouldn't be cutting down
trees. Blogging, not logging.I need to e-mail my lumber jack. Magazines
are full of celebrities with strange and hilarious faces. Look at this
picture of be-- Beyonce We have all done it, I have licked a toilet seat
before. I have been out seeing what contorted kisses you can make when
you put your minds to it. Let's meet the street. Even I have had pictures
taken of me where I have looked less than my best. How good are you the
public at pulling silly faces? Let's Is that not funny enough? It's quite
of Britain can pull a blinder. But if there's one thing that I have
learned today, it's that you should check someone's pulling a funny face
before you congratulate them on it. OK, now that's the best funny face I
have seen all day. Excuse me The face you are pulling... I am not
pulling a face. You are, you have got... Oh! OK. No, I mean... Not
again, no, no! Who are you calling ugly? ! Back to the studio. Good
work. I am being street. I even have a street name. Yeah?Yeah, it's Holy
Well Road. Now crime. Don't do it. Especially if you are as bad at it
as the thief who stole a digger but left a trail of dirt so thick that
the police used it to find him. the news anchor who accidentally
took an apple from the supermarket and when he got home found in his
bag and was scared of the police he hid under his bed and came out
because a worm crawled out of the apple and scared me - I mean him.
Hush now, Bob. What are burglars doing to up their game? We sent
reporter Nellie Osmond to find out. Thank you. A crime school has been
set up To find out what goes on there I am going undercover as a
burglar. I will be filming my report using this inconspicious secret
camera. Random bag checks, common in school these days. Mobile phone. MP
3 player. And a computer tablet. I am going to have to take these from
you. I should have seen that coming. Let's see what's happening in the
classroom. What do you do when you hear this sound? SIREN You run
towards it. No, you do the opposite. They might be giving out ice-cream
That's a van that sounds like this. Quick, the police, leg it! I can't
believe my eyes, these are the worst burglars I have ever seen. Which one
of these should you worry about when you are breaking in a house? A guard
dog? A burglar alarm? An hamster? Hamster. Give me strength! I have
heard enough. It's time I blew the whistle on this criminal college.
Right, everyone stay where you are. I am calling the police. You lot are
going to be in a lot of trouble. am the police. That's right, we have
set this up to catch stupid criminals. You are all under arrest
I am not. WP C Gordon, traffic warden. And me.Hang on, hang on!
are all coppers? I am not.Nick her! Come here you. This hasn't gone
according to plan. I haven't blown the lid op burglars. Not red-handed
but red-faced. Back to you, Robert. Come on, I am trying to work here!
Nellie, no stranger to the long arm of the law herself after that
unpleasantness last year. We will be back after this short break. Don't
turn over, you will crush your crisps! Back on in one minute.Look
sharp and thick on. Make-up, I need a foot massage! Are you ever going
to tell me what this mystery incident with Nellie was? She was at
Buckingham Palace and Lennox Lewis was behind her Massage through the
shoe. Why was Lennox Lewis in a ball gown? He is at Buckingham Palace,
you have to look smart. I can barely feel anything! In came that famous
shoe designer Jimmy ChooBless you. No, the shoe designer. I am still
here, you know, just! She overhears more conversations than MI5 and Dot
Cotton. Jimmy Choo.Honestly, blow your nose. Back on in five, four...
Welcome back. News just in. News just out. In.Out, shake it all
about. Scuba diving holiday for man with world's most powerful burp.
Coronation Street's Steve breaks the pulling a scary face whilst eating a
massive Sandwich record. And Cat realises it's left the bath
with Stacey-May. Thank you, Felicity. As I was trying to say
earlier, I have an interview with militia and do -- Miranda Cosgrove
My cape will protect us. Seriously, capes are not even on trend. Sorry,
we have to go back to Phil for breaking news. Is this a joke
because jokes are meant to be funny. Any sign of that bee, Phil? Still no
sign of this mysterious bumblebee. Earlier it turned out to be Terry's
phone on vibrate. Is it off now? Good. Dr Potts, this bee has never
been caught live on camera before. I think the question all that DNN's
viewers want answered is just how famous will this make me? Will I get
on to Springwatch? I don't see why not. Finally meets my crush Michaela
Strachan. This is one exclusive I am not letting go. Back to the studio.
Come on, you bumbling beauty! don't get the fuss with bees, what
have they done for us? For a start they make honey. Yeah, pigeons make
toothpaste! Seriously, they do. They made the honey on your toast right
now. That's bee juice, ow! Sports news. Let's go to Gary Ogden's
closest personal friend, it's Gary Ogden. Thanks, Bob. I am Gary Ogden.
Here are the headlines from the sports locker: My close personal
friend Matt Dawson fails his Cork hat-wearing proficiency test. At the
world cheer leading championships an overenthusiastic competitor enters
the knockout stage. And on EastEnders egg and spoon race is
replaced by carton and two dinners race. Monty...I can't help noticing
you are sporting a different look today, Gary. Everything OK? No, I
can't find my trademark glasses have made a replacement from
modelling clay and sticky tape. Why? It's my brand. I am Gary Goggles
Ogden. How is my friend Frank Lampard going to recognise me?
Borrow mine. I always keep a pair for emergency glamour situations
Thanks, Bob. My pleasure.Today's big story, this weekend is the
British Grand Prix. As the best racers gear up I have sent a man who
is driven by the love of sport to get the inside track on Formula One.
Over to you, Gary. Thank you, O'Garay. It's Grand Prix
time for Silverstone. This is somewhere else. I am here to meet
top F1 instructor Pete Stop. Pete, what can you tell me about F1 cars?
Well, Gary, speeds of 360 kilometres per hour. They cost millions of
pounds to make and have four wheels Fascinating stuff. I tell you what
they need, they need a passenger seat. My close personal friend
Lewisham I willen to can give me a lift -- Lewisham I will Lewis
Hamilton can give me a lift home. Before I can let you near that, we
need to test your skills on this. That thing? Ha! This is going to be
a drive in the park. OK, start your engine. Vrrrr, VrrrrrYou have to
drive, you cannot just make noises. Wow, this is more advanced.
Gary, you must weave in and out of sport. What? I am all sports. I bet
I could beat you at a race any day. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.Bring it on.
do you get this off? This is not what I had in mind. Yes, and Gary
takes the yellow jersey! Idiot.Sore loser. This is Gary Ogden, champion
race driver covered in glory and lemonade. Back to you, Gary.
Thanks, Gary. And thanks, Bob. These are amazing. I can see the tiny
little hairs. It's like I have supervision. You probably should
have supervision. Now let's cross to Davina for the weather. Can you
guess what challenge we have set for you this week? I am in some kind of
suit. Is it scuba diving? Remove the blindfold. This week we are
challenging you to do the weather whilst wrestling sumo champion
Sharran Alexander. Bring it on! First, let's look at the weather in
the south and London, and you southern softies will be stumbling
around in a fog thicker than Ian Beale. In Cornwall, it will be
breezy and sunny. If you are in Northern Ireland and you want to
know what's happening with the weather, get off your sofa and look
out the window, you lapsy sofaloafers! -- lazy. Finally, the
weather in Newcastle! Dramatic storms will sweep in from the
north-east, reflecting the afinity that exists in the hearts of all
Geordie people. You shall have a fishy on a little dishy. You shall
have a fishy when the boat comes in. Away! Thanks, Davina.Don't thank
me, I am up for anything. Yes, you are. Sharran, thank you, too.
Astonishing, I have done wrestling before SumoNo, I have wrestled
Susan Boyle. Great half-Nelson. she's been coaxed out of the toilets
with a glassy magazine -- glossy magazine. Do you promise no more
inter interruptions? I am vexed now. Go away. This week's big cinema
release is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Interrupting! This week's
big cinema release is Despicable Me 2, I decided to find out with
Hollywood royalty, it's not a big deal for me, I do it all the time.
The stars are back for a sequel. But the minions weren't doing interviews
so I had to settle for Steve Carrell to tell me all about the film.
First, I love the film ThanksIt was great. But you look nothing like you
do in the film. That's good.How long did that make-up take? It's a
cartoon. It's animated. So it was my voice but it wasn't actually me.
long did it take you to draw it? The bald man has a daughter called Agnes
played by one of my favourite Hollywood stars. You were in my
favourite thing ever, how cool is that to be in that? It was fun.What
was the weirdest thing you got to do? A lot of weird things, I was
pelted by raisins once. A bunch of raisins from the sky. Yesterday
someone threw a pack of walnuts at me. It hurt. As a Hollywood star
what advice would you give someone who wanted to break into Harry
Styles house? First of all, don't do that because you will probably be
arrested. It's good to be a fan and support him and his career and love
him. But from afar. If I broke in do you think he would be like hi,
Stacey-May? No, he wouldn't be like that at all. He would be like I have
a Taser, Stacey. Lipstick Taser. If there is a Despicable Me 3 you are
probably going to need other people. Are you saying something? I am a
little bit of a singer. I kind of came up with a song. All right.
Maybe I could be in at the beginning singing and at the end. Do you want
to sing with me? OK# Despicable 3, three are despicable, which one is
best? # That is unpickable. I like it doesn't really have notes.
just know when you have a lift. have to share it. It flows easily. I
might take a picture of myself, but not with you. OK. Can I photobomb
you? Hi, Miranda. When can I come to LA? This is your BFF! Pick up the
phone! Stacey-May there. It's Stacey-Mayonnaise there. At least
one of us is paying attention. to Phil at the gardens. Any luck
with that rare bee? Well, we have been out here for ages now and still
no bee. If you can believe it. Seriously, I am actually quite angry
now. I would rather be at home. My hayfever's kicking off, my back is
killing me, I am itching everywhere. Bee, ah! Oh, cheese and crackers.
You smashed it. You smashed the rarest bee in the world! Oh, no.
Well, there we are. An ultra rare bumblebee live, well not alive, on
DNN. Any chaps I will still get on Springwatch -- any chance I will
still get on Springwatch? Every chance you will get on Crimewatch.
Take them back. Another great report from Phil there. What's this?
is my newspaper, Felicity. The Bobograph This is the same words
over. Not all of it. Bottom of page six. You have drawn a kitten.Yeah,
Bob and cat. Shall we wrap this up? It's not a gift, just put it in your
bag. That's all from us today.She's been the savvy Felicity Bond and
A sideways, upside down and back to front look at the week's headlines. Bob Roberts and Felicity Bond bring all the latest sport and showbiz stories from the DNN newsroom. It's the news, but not as you know it!