Episode 5 DNN: Definitely Not Newsround


Episode 5

Similar Content

Browse content similar to Episode 5. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

Roberts. You're watching DNN. up on today's show: Stupid

:00:14.:00:19.

criminals! Formula One.And Hollywood star Miranda Cosgrove.

:00:19.:00:23.

Seriously, Bob, what are you doing? I worked out what the words on the

:00:23.:00:29.

screen are. It's a karaoke machine. No, it's an autocue. And you are a

:00:29.:00:39.
:00:39.:00:53.

bit flat All the news you needOn second. That's better. No, that's

:00:53.:01:00.

better. That's the biggest mug on this show. No, that would definitely

:01:00.:01:04.

be you, Bob. Finally getting the respect I deserve. The headlines:

:01:04.:01:14.
:01:14.:01:22.

Cats find a solution to not having pockets. Gina from Tracy Beaker

:01:22.:01:25.

returns caught cheating in moustache growing competition. The Queen

:01:25.:01:31.

disguises herself as a bear but is rumbled by passers-by. Never mind

:01:31.:01:37.

about that, I have a story to break. Unicorns at Ascot? Not that,

:01:37.:01:41.

somebody's printing news on paper and selling it That would be a

:01:41.:01:45.

newspaper, Bob. There is a name for it? How long has this been going on?

:01:45.:01:49.

I am furious. Look, they've left it half-done. They expect me to fill in

:01:49.:01:55.

the words. The bum-bums! That's a crosswoord Well, I am angry.No,

:01:55.:02:05.
:02:05.:02:06.

it's a puzzle. It certainly is, Felicity. Time for the showbiz news

:02:06.:02:13.

with the diva who puts the strop into pop. Stacey Mayonnaise. It's

:02:13.:02:19.

Stacey-May. Can't you get anything right? Let me answer that on camera

:02:19.:02:24.

two, yes. What's happening this week in showbiz? Well, Hollywood star

:02:24.:02:29.

Miranda Cosgrove... No, graphic, you can't have her. What are you doing?

:02:29.:02:33.

Saving your life! I have to interrupt you, that means there is

:02:33.:02:38.

breaking news. That's not fair, I was here first. Let's cross to the

:02:38.:02:45.

unlucky reporter who's missed more events than sleeping beauty. Hello,

:02:45.:02:50.

Phil Hi, I am live at a botanical garden in the heart of

:02:50.:02:54.

Nottinghamshire where it's like my favourite show, Springwatch. I am

:02:54.:03:01.

trying to get exclusive rare footage of a very elusive animal. What is

:03:01.:03:10.

it? A leopard, a mammoth, a leopammoth, an animal I made up?

:03:10.:03:17.

it's a bumblebee I am better than a bumblebee! For Phil, this is good.

:03:17.:03:23.

Thank you. With me is famous zoologist Dr Honey Potts who tell me

:03:23.:03:29.

this rare bee has been spotted in these grounds and it's up to us to

:03:29.:03:34.

track it down. Yes, this particular bee is the rarest member of the

:03:34.:03:39.

Bombus family All right, no one cares about the science. What we are

:03:39.:03:44.

interested in is the exclusive. ? that case, I am afraid there is no

:03:44.:03:49.

bee as of yet. It's already been six hours. Nothing doing yet. But once

:03:49.:03:54.

it shows up we will be here to spot it live. Back to the studio. Thanks,

:03:54.:03:59.

Phil. Looking forward to that exclusive. When pigs fly. Flying

:03:59.:04:09.
:04:09.:04:12.

pigs? I just washed my car. This week musician Andrew set feet

:04:12.:04:17.

tapping when he drummed for 24 hours as part of a ceremony. Nothing

:04:17.:04:20.

unusual there. Awards are full of people banging their own drums

:04:20.:04:24.

you would know. Drumming is great. You can use anything for percussion,

:04:24.:04:34.

I have used a bucket, pans, mixing bowl and my voice. Let's go.

:04:34.:04:42.

Boom-boom, check! Oh no! I don't think I will bother mum, actually.

:04:42.:04:48.

love you 24-hour drumming man! I love you so much I am playing my own

:04:48.:04:57.

head. Ow! I can't say I am impressed. I played the drums all

:04:57.:05:02.

day in a marching band through the rain in silence with half a biscuit

:05:02.:05:07.

to share with the group. It was the happiest time of my life! Time to go

:05:07.:05:16.

to the guy who puts the T into teapots, just not often enough. It's

:05:16.:05:22.

Jahmene. With you in a sec, just blogging. Shouldn't be cutting down

:05:22.:05:28.

trees. Blogging, not logging.I need to e-mail my lumber jack. Magazines

:05:28.:05:34.

are full of celebrities with strange and hilarious faces. Look at this

:05:34.:05:40.

picture of be-- Beyonce We have all done it, I have licked a toilet seat

:05:40.:05:44.

before. I have been out seeing what contorted kisses you can make when

:05:44.:05:51.

you put your minds to it. Let's meet the street. Even I have had pictures

:05:51.:05:55.

taken of me where I have looked less than my best. How good are you the

:05:55.:06:05.
:06:05.:06:18.

public at pulling silly faces? Let's Is that not funny enough? It's quite

:06:18.:06:28.
:06:28.:06:29.

of Britain can pull a blinder. But if there's one thing that I have

:06:29.:06:34.

learned today, it's that you should check someone's pulling a funny face

:06:34.:06:38.

before you congratulate them on it. OK, now that's the best funny face I

:06:38.:06:44.

have seen all day. Excuse me The face you are pulling... I am not

:06:44.:06:51.

pulling a face. You are, you have got... Oh! OK. No, I mean... Not

:06:51.:07:00.

again, no, no! Who are you calling ugly? ! Back to the studio. Good

:07:00.:07:10.
:07:10.:07:13.

work. I am being street. I even have a street name. Yeah?Yeah, it's Holy

:07:13.:07:22.

Well Road. Now crime. Don't do it. Especially if you are as bad at it

:07:22.:07:26.

as the thief who stole a digger but left a trail of dirt so thick that

:07:26.:07:30.

the police used it to find him. the news anchor who accidentally

:07:30.:07:34.

took an apple from the supermarket and when he got home found in his

:07:34.:07:39.

bag and was scared of the police he hid under his bed and came out

:07:39.:07:45.

because a worm crawled out of the apple and scared me - I mean him.

:07:45.:07:51.

Hush now, Bob. What are burglars doing to up their game? We sent

:07:51.:07:57.

reporter Nellie Osmond to find out. Thank you. A crime school has been

:07:57.:08:01.

set up To find out what goes on there I am going undercover as a

:08:01.:08:06.

burglar. I will be filming my report using this inconspicious secret

:08:06.:08:15.

camera. Random bag checks, common in school these days. Mobile phone. MP

:08:15.:08:21.

3 player. And a computer tablet. I am going to have to take these from

:08:21.:08:25.

you. I should have seen that coming. Let's see what's happening in the

:08:25.:08:35.
:08:35.:08:36.

classroom. What do you do when you hear this sound? SIREN You run

:08:36.:08:45.

towards it. No, you do the opposite. They might be giving out ice-cream

:08:45.:08:50.

That's a van that sounds like this. Quick, the police, leg it! I can't

:08:50.:08:55.

believe my eyes, these are the worst burglars I have ever seen. Which one

:08:55.:09:00.

of these should you worry about when you are breaking in a house? A guard

:09:00.:09:09.

dog? A burglar alarm? An hamster? Hamster. Give me strength! I have

:09:09.:09:13.

heard enough. It's time I blew the whistle on this criminal college.

:09:13.:09:16.

Right, everyone stay where you are. I am calling the police. You lot are

:09:16.:09:26.
:09:26.:09:29.

going to be in a lot of trouble. am the police. That's right, we have

:09:29.:09:33.

set this up to catch stupid criminals. You are all under arrest

:09:33.:09:43.
:09:43.:09:46.

I am not. WP C Gordon, traffic warden. And me.Hang on, hang on!

:09:46.:09:52.

are all coppers? I am not.Nick her! Come here you. This hasn't gone

:09:52.:09:59.

according to plan. I haven't blown the lid op burglars. Not red-handed

:09:59.:10:06.

but red-faced. Back to you, Robert. Come on, I am trying to work here!

:10:06.:10:10.

Nellie, no stranger to the long arm of the law herself after that

:10:10.:10:14.

unpleasantness last year. We will be back after this short break. Don't

:10:14.:10:23.

turn over, you will crush your crisps! Back on in one minute.Look

:10:24.:10:28.

sharp and thick on. Make-up, I need a foot massage! Are you ever going

:10:28.:10:37.

to tell me what this mystery incident with Nellie was? She was at

:10:37.:10:40.

Buckingham Palace and Lennox Lewis was behind her Massage through the

:10:40.:10:46.

shoe. Why was Lennox Lewis in a ball gown? He is at Buckingham Palace,

:10:46.:10:52.

you have to look smart. I can barely feel anything! In came that famous

:10:52.:11:01.

shoe designer Jimmy ChooBless you. No, the shoe designer. I am still

:11:01.:11:07.

here, you know, just! She overhears more conversations than MI5 and Dot

:11:07.:11:17.
:11:17.:11:17.

Cotton. Jimmy Choo.Honestly, blow your nose. Back on in five, four...

:11:17.:11:25.

Welcome back. News just in. News just out. In.Out, shake it all

:11:25.:11:32.

about. Scuba diving holiday for man with world's most powerful burp.

:11:32.:11:37.

Coronation Street's Steve breaks the pulling a scary face whilst eating a

:11:37.:11:43.

massive Sandwich record. And Cat realises it's left the bath

:11:44.:11:53.
:11:54.:11:57.

with Stacey-May. Thank you, Felicity. As I was trying to say

:11:57.:12:04.

earlier, I have an interview with militia and do -- Miranda Cosgrove

:12:04.:12:09.

My cape will protect us. Seriously, capes are not even on trend. Sorry,

:12:09.:12:13.

we have to go back to Phil for breaking news. Is this a joke

:12:13.:12:20.

because jokes are meant to be funny. Any sign of that bee, Phil? Still no

:12:20.:12:29.

sign of this mysterious bumblebee. Earlier it turned out to be Terry's

:12:29.:12:34.

phone on vibrate. Is it off now? Good. Dr Potts, this bee has never

:12:34.:12:39.

been caught live on camera before. I think the question all that DNN's

:12:39.:12:48.

viewers want answered is just how famous will this make me? Will I get

:12:48.:12:57.

on to Springwatch? I don't see why not. Finally meets my crush Michaela

:12:57.:13:03.

Strachan. This is one exclusive I am not letting go. Back to the studio.

:13:03.:13:09.

Come on, you bumbling beauty! don't get the fuss with bees, what

:13:09.:13:15.

have they done for us? For a start they make honey. Yeah, pigeons make

:13:15.:13:19.

toothpaste! Seriously, they do. They made the honey on your toast right

:13:19.:13:29.
:13:29.:13:31.

now. That's bee juice, ow! Sports news. Let's go to Gary Ogden's

:13:31.:13:35.

closest personal friend, it's Gary Ogden. Thanks, Bob. I am Gary Ogden.

:13:35.:13:40.

Here are the headlines from the sports locker: My close personal

:13:40.:13:49.

friend Matt Dawson fails his Cork hat-wearing proficiency test. At the

:13:49.:13:54.

world cheer leading championships an overenthusiastic competitor enters

:13:54.:14:01.

the knockout stage. And on EastEnders egg and spoon race is

:14:01.:14:09.

replaced by carton and two dinners race. Monty...I can't help noticing

:14:09.:14:13.

you are sporting a different look today, Gary. Everything OK? No, I

:14:13.:14:17.

can't find my trademark glasses have made a replacement from

:14:17.:14:25.

modelling clay and sticky tape. Why? It's my brand. I am Gary Goggles

:14:25.:14:33.

Ogden. How is my friend Frank Lampard going to recognise me?

:14:33.:14:38.

Borrow mine. I always keep a pair for emergency glamour situations

:14:38.:14:43.

Thanks, Bob. My pleasure.Today's big story, this weekend is the

:14:43.:14:48.

British Grand Prix. As the best racers gear up I have sent a man who

:14:48.:14:51.

is driven by the love of sport to get the inside track on Formula One.

:14:51.:14:58.

Over to you, Gary. Thank you, O'Garay. It's Grand Prix

:14:58.:15:03.

time for Silverstone. This is somewhere else. I am here to meet

:15:03.:15:08.

top F1 instructor Pete Stop. Pete, what can you tell me about F1 cars?

:15:08.:15:15.

Well, Gary, speeds of 360 kilometres per hour. They cost millions of

:15:15.:15:21.

pounds to make and have four wheels Fascinating stuff. I tell you what

:15:21.:15:26.

they need, they need a passenger seat. My close personal friend

:15:26.:15:33.

Lewisham I willen to can give me a lift -- Lewisham I will Lewis

:15:33.:15:38.

Hamilton can give me a lift home. Before I can let you near that, we

:15:38.:15:44.

need to test your skills on this. That thing? Ha! This is going to be

:15:44.:15:54.
:15:54.:15:57.

a drive in the park. OK, start your engine. Vrrrr, VrrrrrYou have to

:15:57.:16:02.

drive, you cannot just make noises. Wow, this is more advanced.

:16:02.:16:12.
:16:12.:16:28.

Gary, you must weave in and out of sport. What? I am all sports. I bet

:16:28.:16:34.

I could beat you at a race any day. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.Bring it on.

:16:34.:16:39.

do you get this off? This is not what I had in mind. Yes, and Gary

:16:39.:16:46.

takes the yellow jersey! Idiot.Sore loser. This is Gary Ogden, champion

:16:46.:16:52.

race driver covered in glory and lemonade. Back to you, Gary.

:16:52.:16:57.

Thanks, Gary. And thanks, Bob. These are amazing. I can see the tiny

:16:57.:17:00.

little hairs. It's like I have supervision. You probably should

:17:00.:17:08.

have supervision. Now let's cross to Davina for the weather. Can you

:17:08.:17:13.

guess what challenge we have set for you this week? I am in some kind of

:17:13.:17:21.

suit. Is it scuba diving? Remove the blindfold. This week we are

:17:21.:17:29.

challenging you to do the weather whilst wrestling sumo champion

:17:29.:17:33.

Sharran Alexander. Bring it on! First, let's look at the weather in

:17:33.:17:43.
:17:43.:17:45.

the south and London, and you southern softies will be stumbling

:17:45.:17:50.

around in a fog thicker than Ian Beale. In Cornwall, it will be

:17:50.:17:55.

breezy and sunny. If you are in Northern Ireland and you want to

:17:55.:17:58.

know what's happening with the weather, get off your sofa and look

:17:58.:18:08.
:18:08.:18:08.

out the window, you lapsy sofaloafers! -- lazy. Finally, the

:18:08.:18:17.

weather in Newcastle! Dramatic storms will sweep in from the

:18:17.:18:21.

north-east, reflecting the afinity that exists in the hearts of all

:18:21.:18:28.

Geordie people. You shall have a fishy on a little dishy. You shall

:18:28.:18:35.

have a fishy when the boat comes in. Away! Thanks, Davina.Don't thank

:18:35.:18:42.

me, I am up for anything. Yes, you are. Sharran, thank you, too.

:18:42.:18:49.

Astonishing, I have done wrestling before SumoNo, I have wrestled

:18:49.:18:59.
:18:59.:19:00.

Susan Boyle. Great half-Nelson. she's been coaxed out of the toilets

:19:00.:19:08.

with a glassy magazine -- glossy magazine. Do you promise no more

:19:08.:19:18.
:19:18.:19:30.

inter interruptions? I am vexed now. Go away. This week's big cinema

:19:30.:19:39.

release is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Interrupting! This week's

:19:39.:19:45.

big cinema release is Despicable Me 2, I decided to find out with

:19:45.:19:48.

Hollywood royalty, it's not a big deal for me, I do it all the time.

:19:48.:19:57.

The stars are back for a sequel. But the minions weren't doing interviews

:19:57.:20:02.

so I had to settle for Steve Carrell to tell me all about the film.

:20:02.:20:07.

First, I love the film ThanksIt was great. But you look nothing like you

:20:07.:20:13.

do in the film. That's good.How long did that make-up take? It's a

:20:13.:20:18.

cartoon. It's animated. So it was my voice but it wasn't actually me.

:20:18.:20:26.

long did it take you to draw it? The bald man has a daughter called Agnes

:20:26.:20:33.

played by one of my favourite Hollywood stars. You were in my

:20:33.:20:40.

favourite thing ever, how cool is that to be in that? It was fun.What

:20:40.:20:45.

was the weirdest thing you got to do? A lot of weird things, I was

:20:45.:20:55.
:20:55.:20:55.

pelted by raisins once. A bunch of raisins from the sky. Yesterday

:20:55.:21:00.

someone threw a pack of walnuts at me. It hurt. As a Hollywood star

:21:00.:21:06.

what advice would you give someone who wanted to break into Harry

:21:06.:21:10.

Styles house? First of all, don't do that because you will probably be

:21:10.:21:13.

arrested. It's good to be a fan and support him and his career and love

:21:13.:21:17.

him. But from afar. If I broke in do you think he would be like hi,

:21:17.:21:25.

Stacey-May? No, he wouldn't be like that at all. He would be like I have

:21:25.:21:33.

a Taser, Stacey. Lipstick Taser. If there is a Despicable Me 3 you are

:21:33.:21:37.

probably going to need other people. Are you saying something? I am a

:21:37.:21:43.

little bit of a singer. I kind of came up with a song. All right.

:21:43.:21:48.

Maybe I could be in at the beginning singing and at the end. Do you want

:21:48.:21:57.

to sing with me? OK# Despicable 3, three are despicable, which one is

:21:57.:22:05.

best? # That is unpickable. I like it doesn't really have notes.

:22:05.:22:11.

just know when you have a lift. have to share it. It flows easily. I

:22:11.:22:21.
:22:21.:22:22.

might take a picture of myself, but not with you. OK. Can I photobomb

:22:22.:22:31.

you? Hi, Miranda. When can I come to LA? This is your BFF! Pick up the

:22:31.:22:39.

phone! Stacey-May there. It's Stacey-Mayonnaise there. At least

:22:39.:22:43.

one of us is paying attention. to Phil at the gardens. Any luck

:22:43.:22:49.

with that rare bee? Well, we have been out here for ages now and still

:22:49.:22:54.

no bee. If you can believe it. Seriously, I am actually quite angry

:22:54.:23:00.

now. I would rather be at home. My hayfever's kicking off, my back is

:23:01.:23:10.
:23:11.:23:11.

killing me, I am itching everywhere. Bee, ah! Oh, cheese and crackers.

:23:11.:23:18.

You smashed it. You smashed the rarest bee in the world! Oh, no.

:23:18.:23:25.

Well, there we are. An ultra rare bumblebee live, well not alive, on

:23:25.:23:30.

DNN. Any chaps I will still get on Springwatch -- any chance I will

:23:30.:23:36.

still get on Springwatch? Every chance you will get on Crimewatch.

:23:36.:23:42.

Take them back. Another great report from Phil there. What's this?

:23:42.:23:51.

is my newspaper, Felicity. The Bobograph This is the same words

:23:51.:23:58.

over. Not all of it. Bottom of page six. You have drawn a kitten.Yeah,

:23:58.:24:04.

Bob and cat. Shall we wrap this up? It's not a gift, just put it in your

:24:04.:24:09.

bag. That's all from us today.She's been the savvy Felicity Bond and

:24:09.:24:19.
:24:19.:24:20.

A sideways, upside down and back to front look at the week's headlines. Bob Roberts and Felicity Bond bring all the latest sport and showbiz stories from the DNN newsroom. It's the news, but not as you know it!


Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS