Episode 1 Gigglebiz


Episode 1

Sketch show. Featuring Keith Fit, the most unlikely fitness guru ever. Also with Ann Teak, who casts her expert eye over a rare and valuable writing bureau.


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Transcript


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ALL: It's Gigglebiz!

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Ho-ho-ho

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Here we go! #

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Ho-ho!

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On today's Gigglebiz, Dina Lady,

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Captain Adorable,

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Ann Teak,

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introducing Keith Fit.

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Here's King Flannel.

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Your majesty.

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Oh, no, no, no.

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-Yes.

-No, no, no.

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Ooh-ooh!

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Ha-ha!

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Oh...

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Boin-n-ng!

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Come along, my group. Don't dawdle.

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Plenty more to see. Gather round, gather round.

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All right. Not too close!

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What have we got here?

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-Mr...?

-Parsons.

-Yes.

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Now, Mrs Parsnip, this is a writing desk or bureau

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and a very fine piece of furniture too. May I?

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-Yes, please do.

-Oh, thank you.

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I'll just gently open this.

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-Do you use it at all?

-From time to time.

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There's a bit of wear and tear here

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-and up here.

-SCRATCHING

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Now, what you don't know about this item

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is this has a secret drawer in it.

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May I demonstrate?

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Please do.

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If I pull this handle here, I...

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It's a little bit stiff. I'll give it...

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Thank you very much for bringing it in, Mr Pogo Stick.

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Moving on. Come on, my group, over here.

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I'm the expert. Moving on.

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Doctor Doctor will see you now.

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Next!

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Now, how can I help you?

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Doctor, Doctor, I snore so loudly, I'm keeping myself awake.

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Well, sleep in another room, then. Next!

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Howay, bairns. Keith Fit here.

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Today, I'm going to show you how to play tennis.

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All right. Now, I've been playing tennis for about 20 years

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so I know what I'm talking about.

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Watch and learn, bairns. Watch and learn.

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First of all, I'm going to show you how to do the forearm smash.

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OK, it goes like this.

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Away!

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Beautiful.

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Now, if I turn my body just slightly, all right,

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I'm going to show you how to do the backhand smash.

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Here we go.

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Away with you!

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Wonderful.

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Finally, I'm going to show you how to do the overhead smash.

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OK. It's tricky. Watch this.

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Beautiful, now...

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GLASS SMASHES

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Oh, sounds like the window's smashed to me.

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Don't worry. I'll go and fix it later.

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And that's how you play tennis.

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Champion!

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Can I have my ball back, pet?

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And now it's time for your giggles.

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-Hey, Justin.

-Hey, Tanisha. Have you got a joke?

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-Yes.

-Go on, then.

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Where do fish keep their money?

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I don't know. Where do fish keep their money?

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In a riverbank.

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HE LAUGHS

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Very good.

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Ha-ha ha.

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Aha!

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No.

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Yes!

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-Uh... No.

-No?

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Aha!

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Oh. Oh! Yeah.

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Yeah!

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Honk! Honk!

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Whoa-ho-ho!

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Over to Wiggyville now

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where Captain Adorable is once again saving the day.

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Never fear, my friends. I shall patrol the beach.

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'Roger that, Captain Adorable. What a guy!'

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What?! What is this?

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With my supersonic vision,

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I can see that there is someone stuck in the sand.

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I must rescue him.

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Captain Adorable away!

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Stand aside, young man. I will help your friend.

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-What are you doing?!

-Covered in sand with no way out.

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Yeah, but I'm supposed...

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Shh, please, sir! It's best if you don't talk while I work.

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Here we go!

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But I'm fine. Really, I am.

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Ooh!

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There you go, good citizen.

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-Why have you...?

-Shh, please.

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There's no need to thank me. It's what I do.

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Play safe, young man. Captain Adorable away!

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Never mind, son. Go on. Bury me again.

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OK, Dad.

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Please, don't thank me. That's what I do.

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It's time to see what the weather has in store

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with Gail Force. Gail, what have you got?

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Yes, thank you, Arthur.

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As you can see, I'm in the countryside today.

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I'm wearing my wellington boots

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because we're to expect the odd shower.

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Now... Ooh. hang on a minute.

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What's this?

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Oh...oh.

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That was an odd shower.

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Back to the studio.

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-ARTHUR:

-Thanks, Gail.

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That was splashing work.

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Splashing work! Did you get that, Eddie?

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You can have that.

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And now this.

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Doctor Doctor will see you now.

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Next!

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Now, how can I help you?

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-Doctor, Doctor, I'm losing my memory.

-When did this happen?

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When did what happen?

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Next!

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Howay, bairns.

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Keith Fit here with more top tennis tips for you.

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As I said before, I've been playing tennis for about 20 years,

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so I know what I'm talking about.

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All right. You hit the ball with a racquet - one of these.

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I'll show you how to do it. Watch and learn, bairns.

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You throw the ball up like so

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and then whack it over...

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CRASHING

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Oh, no. There go the bins.

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Don't worry. I'll sort them out later.

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And that's how you play tennis. Champion!

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Sorry, mate. Do you want a hand?

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Now for more of your giggles.

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-Hey, Justin.

-Hi, there.

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-Have you got a joke?

-Yup.

-Come on, then.

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What do you get when a cow and a camel crosses the road?

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I don't know. What do you get?

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Lumpy custard.

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I couldn't help it if I had the parcel every time the music stopped.

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You were in charge of the music.

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I needed those jumbo crayons.

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Oh, hello, there, my little spice racks

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and welcome to Dinner Time with me, Dina Lady.

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This is my assistant, Tommy Tummy.

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Say hello, Tommy.

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Hello, Tommy.

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Today is a very special day.

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It's Tommy's birthday.

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I've decided to treat him with a special birthday chicken wrap.

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Yay! Yummy scrummy for my tummy!

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All right, Tommy. Nice boy. Old, though!

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I'll just go and get my special ingredients. Won't be a mo'.

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Don't go singing happy birthday while I'm gone.

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A wrap is a type of sandwich made with a special flat bread

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called a tortilla. The tortilla gets wrapped around the filling

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which is why we call it a wrap.

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Right, then. What was that all about...tor-tears?!

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I don't know what you're talking about.

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It's his birthday. He's just showing off.

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Take your wrapping paper like so

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and then place your chicken carefully on the top.

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There we are. Add some salad. Thank you, Tommy.

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Ooh, don't know what they are.

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And then simply wrap it up.

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It's important to use enough wrapping paper

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or it wouldn't be a wrap, would it, Tom?

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That's it.

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And then finish it off with a lovely bow.

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There we go.

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Finger in there, please, Tom.

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Ooh, sorry about that.

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Hold it, and there you have it.

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One lovely birthday chicken wrap.

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Easy as pie.

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See you next time, my little birthday presents.

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There you go, Tom.

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I'm sorry about the birthday candles on your cake.

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I couldn't find anywhere that sold over 50.

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz We've had a lot of fun

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz Ho-ho-ho

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz And now it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, giggle It's time to go!

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# Cheerio, ta-ta Bye-bye

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# Farewell, TTFN Arrivederci

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# We all hate to say goodbye

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# But we'll be back again

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Ho-ho-ho

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na It's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz We've had a lot of fun

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz Ho-ho-ho

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz And now it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, giggle It's time to go! #

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Ho-ho!

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Featuring Keith Fit, the most unlikely fitness guru ever; Ann Teak, who casts her expert eye over a rare and valuable writing bureau; Dina Lady, who makes a special treat for Tommy Tummy's birthday; and Gail Force, everyone's favourite roving reporter, with all the latest weird and wonderful weather. There are also quick-fire giggles from Doctor Doctor. Including the Gigglekids, children from all round the country who tell Justin their favourite jokes.


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