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Our family breaks are in a caravan -
When you go to bed sometimes and the wind's really hard,
your caravan will rock about
Our mum thinks fun is coin-rubbing, looking at tiles on the floor
and looking at different types of
And don't forget cathedrals.
Cos I'm an assistant head teacher,
I think children should learn
Sometimes her teacher moments
"Every day is a teacher day."
It's not like I get them to wear
We do have clipboards sometimes when we go round cathedrals
and in museums as well sometimes,
cos she never lets us do anything
She'll never let us even have a say
that I don't give them any choice.
I will present them with the choice
of an art gallery or a museum
We want to relax on holiday,
With mum telling us about Romans and their mosaics, it's just not fun.
You guys just can't seem to agree on your family holidays, can you?
Mum, are you ready to hand over
Out of time. It's happening.
Hand on heart? Mm-hm. Mean it!
I think you'll like that song. I'll just add that in. Lovely stuff.
Can you see us or can you hear us?
'Jaz and Joe want to make some big changes to their family break.
Throw some words at me. Speed. Snow. We've never been on a snowy holiday.
You like fast, adrenaline-type
we've lined up three amazing breaks.
'But can they guess what's on offer from the set of cryptic clues?
'First up, Break No.1. Something fishy seems to be going on.'
When I saw the fish, we thought
The fish led us to the first clue, a bucket of sardines which stank.
Eugh, what is that? It stinks.
How do sardines bear any relation
But we might be going to Sardinia where there are only sardines.
And they only have one ear.
We know Sardinia is a country, but we have no idea what's in Sardinia.
It's watersports. You were right.
but what about Break No.2?'
Apple juice. We tried the chocolate. It didn't give us much clue.
you're enjoying yourselves!'
Does the tablecloth represent
Is it a flag? Yes, the Swedish flag.
If we're right, it's a snow break in Sweden. We'll be really excited.
I thought it meant a sailing trip.
so it could be a hot place.
What could this rope mean...?
"Ahoy there! If your mum tries
loads of stuff you put on pizzas.
Let's do it. Break No.1, any idea?
We think it's Sardinia. Why?
Break No.1 is a watersports
to the Italian island of Sardinia.
'Staying at this five-star resort,
'drive your own speedboat and get
What sort of things take your fancy?
OK, Break 2. Did you have any idea
Yeah, cos of the flag on the table.
The flag confused me. What about
Yeah. We weren't sure who it was. It was the bloke on the chocolates.
the famous composer Mozart.
Break No.2 is a skiing holiday
'There will be no time to visit
'as you'll be too busy skiing,
I'll ramp the stress up. Here comes
A sailing adventure kind of thing. But we just couldn't think where.
Break No.3 is a sailing adventure along the coast of Catalonia.
Cool. Interested? Yeah. Have a look.
'Catalonia in Spain will be the setting for this sailing expedition.
on board a luxurious yacht.
'You'll be in a new location each
'You can even have a theme park
and you would also be living
I'd enjoy it, but I'm worried
There's lots to think about
Could you decide now? No. No.
Would you like me to go away, so you can think? Yeah. Yeah. See ya!
And I really want to go to Austria.
No, one-all. It's the decider!
Have you made your minds up? Well, we had to do rock-paper-scissors.
So where are you headed? Sardinia. Superb. Are you happy though? Yeah.
I'll be popping up to see how you're getting on and to give you a chance
but fail and your mum gets it.
'Can anyone stand on the water skis?
'And who will win that final treat?
We're packing these. She doesn't usually wear them. Good idea.
I've got every confidence that I'll end up with wearable clothes,
but I don't know what sorts
Mum in on a slice of the big secret.
"Jaz and Joe are taking you
We're going to Sardinia. Yeah.
Lots of history to look at!
Mum knows where she's heading, but is off track with what's in store.
She'll have to wait till she gets there to find out the whole picture.
It was a complete surprise. I feel very shocked and very nervous.
When she looked at the equipment, she thought, "What's gonna happen?"
what's next to the wetsuits?
That top won't fit you, Mum.
You'll break the beds, Mum!
..my 20-year-old painting overalls.
Nobody's done watersports before
That was in the washing pile
a pair of trousers I can wear.
You are joking! Are you moaning
when I was pregnant with Joe.
Have you seen the size of it?
I think Mum liked what we packed, but she might not wear any of it.
You've packed some... Lovely things. Revolting things. Thanks(!)
..like top-wise, trouser-wise and footwear, well, it's OK.
to chill out with a game of pool.
Jaz and Joe will make sure we don't
You have a big day ahead tomorrow.
No excuses. There'll be no,
of feeling like they're at school
allowed any teacher moments.
Finally, Joe and Jaz know that
so Rule No.3 states that they decide
what everyone has for dinner.
What they order, you will be eating. Oh, you are joking! No way!
Only if somebody finds out.
I'll be back later on to tell you how you can get that final treat.
For now, get your wetsuits on and go and have fun. See ya! Bye! Bye!
The "no teacher moments" one
that I can stick to that rule.
it's straight in at the deep end
a water-skiing lesson with Angelo.
And don't push your body forward.
I think I've got it, but I'm not sure how it's gonna go in the water.
I pull with the right, I go right.
I'm not sure if she'll do it properly in the water, or about me.
I'm in charge. Well, me and Jaz are.
After all that training, it seemed that talking about doing it
was easier than actually doing it.
It's not as easy as it looks,
I'm feeling really nervous, scared.
the reins or is that the rope?
then she'll say, "I did it.
Who's the wuss now?" Hmm. She will.
So will Mum prove the kids right?
A brilliant attempt from Mum, but as predicted, cue the gloating.
More than the kids though. Kerching!
Ah, this is the life! Well, sort of.
This afternoon, we've been doing
The best bit was the banana boat.
Water splashing in my face and the feeling that you're gonna fall off,
This is a better holiday than any other holiday we've ever been on.
That was so much fun, my cheeks actually hurt from laughing.
I don't know what'll happen next.
The bit I'm looking forward to
Safety first. It's important you
Then time to see who will earn
It's brilliant, but my problem is I keep crashing, then speeding up,
then skidding, then crashing.
is going round the corners.
If you brake too hard, you skid off.
but once I got the hang of the corners, I think I'm getting faster.
Qualifying over, the grid positions
Oh, it starts as a tight race.
Look at that! Mum spins out!
Jaz and Joe move into first and second. Mum catches up.
now with her sights on Mum.
I wonder what flavour it'll be? Jaz and Joe floor it, but it's too late.
Mum crosses the finish line
This time it's a white-knuckle speed
the water went in your eyes,
You see where the water's come here and eroded the sand away? Mum!
Wasn't that a teacher moment? Yes.
No, it was just telling you about
That rule break deserves a forfeit.
But for now, Jaz and Joe are going to put Rule No.3 into action.
what everyone eats for dinner.
Helped by chef Pascal, they'll each
As the kids have complete control
Joe has chosen lots of cheese, ham
My pizza will be really nice
but she seems to be more interested in teaching, rather than cooking.
It's close to the French. Was that a teacher moment? "Farine" is flour.
You've broken the rules again.
I think that looks perfect. We've
Your pizza may look perfect, but it's time to serve up your forfeit.
Jaz and Joe have got a cocktail of eel, squid and octopus. Yummy!
Now it's completely ruined!
so she had to suffer the forfeit.
# When the moon hits your eye
Jaz spots the perfect beach.
I have seen water and sand.
This morning has been amazing.
Steering the boat and snorkelling
Really carefully... It's fantastic to come somewhere quiet and deserted
to ourselves and do what we want.
The break is rapidly coming
But the fun's not over yet.
the final treat. But who will win?
time to play for one final treat.
of my following questions correctly
a luxury yacht back to the hotel.
But get two wrong and Mum will have lunch and YOU'LL be paddling back.
We're gonna get this. Here we go.
I know she loved the go-kart,
I think she might have preferred
Right, now for question two.
Wave bye-bye! It's lovely on here. Bye then. I'll see you there!
of the best family holidays ever.