Best Behaviour for Barnaby Grandpa In My Pocket


Best Behaviour for Barnaby

Children's comedy about a grandpa who can magically shrink. Jemima has a new boyfriend and he's coming to meet the family for the first time.


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Transcript


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BOTH: Not the shrinking cap, Grandpa!

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Catch me if you can!

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Come down, Grandpa!

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Grandpa!

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'It was a lovely day at the Mill on the Marsh.

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'My brother, Josh, and my cousin, Jason, had gone on a tennis course.

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'So I had Grandpa all to myself.'

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Snap! Ha-ha! Two pot plants. Wah.

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'We were playing Dumbletwit snap, when Jemima came in.'

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-Jemima!

-You look amazing. Where did you get that top?

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I made it, my own design.

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'Jemima is doing a fashion course this summer,

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'but she'd come home for the weekend.'

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Me and Dad are going to pick Barnaby up from the station.

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'Barnaby was Jemima's new boyfriend and he was coming round for tea.'

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I can't wait to meet him, he sounds really cool.

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He is incredibly cool - the coolest boyfriend ever.

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That's why I'm so worried.

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What do you mean?

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Well, you know how Mum and Dad can be - really embarrassing.

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And Great Aunt Loretta...

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Oh, don't worry. We'll be on our best behaviour, won't we, Elsie?

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Promise.

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'Yes, we were all going to be on our best behaviour for Barnaby.'

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Ready, Jemima? Shall we go in Queenie?

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OK. But no singing

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# Oh-eh, and up she rises! #

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In front of Barnaby.

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I don't sing it like that!

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BOTH: You do.

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Come on, we're off.

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I've made sandwiches and a huge chocolate cake,

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so we're ready for Barnaby.

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Excellent. I'll go and tidy up.

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Good idea, Grandpa. No need to rush, we're well ahead.

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In fact, I've even got time to practise my new hobby.

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'Aunty Jules' new hobby was this!

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'Dancing the Sunnysands' Summer Stomp.

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'Soon, Jemima, Uncle CJ and Barnaby were on their way back to the Mill

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'and Jemima said...'

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There's the Mill, Barnaby.

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'And Uncle CJ said...'

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# Oh-eh, and up she rises Oh-eh, and up she rises... #

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-'And Jemima said...'

-Dad!

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-'And Uncle CJ said...'

-Sorry.

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'And soon they arrived in the meadow.'

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Oh, they're here!

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Barnaby!

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Welcome to the Mill on the Marsh.

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I'm Jules, Jemima's mum.

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Hi. This is such a cool place.

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Mum, why are you dressed like that?

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It's the Sunnysands' Summer Stomp. It's my latest hobby.

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Have you danced the Sunnysands' Summer Stomp, Barnaby?

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It's great fun.

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MUSIC PLAYS

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'They started dancing, but Jemima couldn't bear it.'

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-Stop it!

-Stop it, now!

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Whoa, Jemima, it's OK.

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No, it's not.

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Come on, Barnaby. Let's go inside and get something to eat.

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'And Jemima took Barnaby off to the kitchen.'

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Sorry about my parents, they are so uncool.

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I'd never dress up and dance about like that, never.

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Oh, Elsie, come and meet Barnaby.

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-Hi.

-Hi.

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Elsie, you sit over here, CJ - over there, and save this seat

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for Grandpa, he's still tidying himself up.

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This is amazing, is this all for us?

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VOICE CALLS OUT: Coo-ee!

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Apparently not.

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'It was Great Aunt Loretta.'

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It's only me.

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That's all I need.

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I saw you had visitors, so I thought I'd come and say hello.

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Ooh-hoo, who is this young man with the funny hairdo?

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This is Jemima's boyfriend, Barnaby.

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Boyfriend, eh?

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Boyfriend, ooh. I'm Great Aunt Loretta.

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Oh, if I'd known you were coming,

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I'd have made you a sardine and strawberry trifle.

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Ooh-hoo, whoo, hoo-hoo.

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-Ha.

-Oh, I'm so hungry I could eat a hippo.

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Pass me them sandwiches, Barnacle.

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It's Barnaby.

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Ooh, I've been so busy having a clear out, I forgot to have lunch. Hoo!

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Anyway, I've found something of yours, Jemima.

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Ooh. Fetch me that box, Barnacle.

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It's Barnaby.

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Jules, you'll remember this.

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Ooh-hoo-hoo, look at this. Look at this. Oh.

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'And she took out a funny doll.'

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I bought you this, do you remember?

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It used to be your favourite little dolly.

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It's revolting, I've never seen it in my life.

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Oh, don't tell fibs, you used to love her!

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She's a bit broken now. But, you used to pull the string, make her talk.

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I remember, you used to run around saying, "I want to dance,

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"I want to dance."

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'Jemima was really embarrassed.'

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-In your little lacy petticoat.

-No, I didn't.

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Honestly, Barnaby, I didn't.

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I'd never do something as uncool as that.

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You're all impossible.

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'And Jemima ran upstairs.'

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Go and ask Grandpa to go up and see her, Elsie.

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He'll make her feel better, he always does.

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I don't know what all the fuss is about. Oh-hoo-hoo.

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I'm always dancing around in my little lacy petticoat.

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Aren't you, Barnacle?

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BARNABY!

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'I fetched Grandpa straightaway. Jemima was upset.'

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There, there, there.

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It's not so bad, is it?

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It is. Mum's dressed in silly clothes, Dad's singing and dancing,

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and Great Aunt Loretta's just told Barnaby that I used to dance

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in a lacy petticoat with this stupid doll.

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He doesn't mind. I like him, and I'm sure he likes us.

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I bet he really thinks we're the uncoolest family in the universe.

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It's not fair. Why can't everyone be totally normal, like you, Grandpa?

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Well, nobody's totally normal, not really.

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Now, why don't you dry those tears and go back downstairs.

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Everything's going to be all right. I promise.

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'Jemima felt so much better now.'

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Aren't you coming down too, Grandpa?

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Oh, yes, very soon. I think I'll just have a little lie down first.

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-OK.

-Now, off you go.

-But don't be too long.

-I won't.

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I've got to try and make Jemima calm down and relax, and I've got an idea,

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but you're going to have to help me, Elsie.

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(Not the shrinking cap, Grandpa!)

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Catch me if you can!

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'You know what happens when Grandpa shrinks.

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'He runs and jumps about all over the place.

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'He can zoom around in Jason's car.

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'And fly his toy plane.

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'He even makes my Mrs Ostrich fly, which is amazing,

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'cos Ostriches can't fly, actually.

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'But today, he was staying right here, because his plan was this...

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'He'd dressed up in Jemima's doll's clothes.'

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How do I look?

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Well, you'll need some hair, or everyone will recognise you.

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And a string on your back, to pull.

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Have a look in Aunty Jules' bits and bobs box.

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She usually has some wool in there.

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Use that to make the string, and make me some yellow plaits.

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OK, I'll try.

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'So, I set to work.

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'Downstairs, in the kitchen, things weren't going too well.'

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Green gloop, oh, this'll put hairs on your chest.

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'Great Aunt Loretta's green gloop is spinach and sprout shake,

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'her favourite.'

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Drink it all. Come on, it'll do you good, Barnacle.

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How many more times - it's Barnaby, Barnaby, Barnaby.

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Come on, let's go to the meadow.

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Jemima, I haven't drank it yet.

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Oh, well, I'll have it then.

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'And Great Aunt Loretta took a HUGE gulp of gloop.

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'Soon, Grandpa had his woolly plaits on, a string in his back,

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'and I'd used Jemima's lip gloss to give him some rosy cheeks.'

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-Better?

-Much better.

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Now what, Grandpa?

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Right, now you can take me downstairs.

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'Jemima and Barnaby were sitting in the meadow,

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'but they didn't know what to say to each other.'

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So... Right.

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Yeah, well, I suppose you want to go home now.

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'Just then, I came into the meadow, holding the dancing doll,

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'but actually, it was Grandpa.'

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Please, Elsie, not the horrid old doll. She doesn't even work.

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-She does now, let me show you.

-No, take her away.

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No, go on, I want to hear her.

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'I put Grandpa on the table, then I pulled the string,

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'and Grandpa did this...'

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# Dance with me, dance with me

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# How happy you will be if you dance with me. #

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She's cute, in a weird sort of way. Make her talk again, Elsie.

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# Dance with me, dance with me

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How happy you will be if you dance with me. #

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Hey, you did dance around with her, didn't you?

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-Yeah, OK.

-That's cool, I used to dance around with my toy giraffe.

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Ha-ha!

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'Grandpa's plan was working.'

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# Dance with me, dance with me

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# How happy you will be if you dance with me. #

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-I think we should dance now.

-You do?

-Yeah.

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Hey, we could do the Sunnysands' Summer Stomp.

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'We'd done it! Jemima had cheered up.'

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-Take me inside now, I want to get changed.

-OK.

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'So, I picked him up.'

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It's all sorted. Jemima and Barnaby are doing

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the Sunnysands' Summer Stomp.

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They're what?

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Ooh, I love a good stomp, me. Come on, let's go and join them.

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'So they all rushed off to the meadow.

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'Jemima and Barnaby were dancing, and laughing,

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'and having a great time.'

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Your family are really cool. I might even change my name to 'Barnacle'.

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Go on, I dare you.

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Ha-ha.

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Come and join in, everyone.

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There's plenty of hankies and bells for everyone.

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'Meanwhile, I put the clothes back on the little doll,

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'and Grandpa took off his cap.'

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We did it, Elsie. We got Jemima to calm down and relax.

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Well done with the yellow plaits.

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It was just teamwork, Grandpa.

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Yeah, right - teamwork!

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BOTH: Ha-ha-ha.

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Now, off you go and join the others.

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'Now I was doing the Sunnysands' Summer Stomp too.

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'And Grandpa came out to watch us.'

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-Grandpa, at last! You were ages.

-I'm sorry, everything all right now?

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Fine, no problem at all.

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Come and say hello to Barnaby, he's desperate to meet you.

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Good, and then, 'how happy will you be if you dance with me.'

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Please, don't do that in front of Barnaby.

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Teamwork!

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Grown-up teenager Jemima has a new boyfriend and he's coming to meet the family for the first time. Jemima is at the stage when she finds her parents embarrassing and makes the whole family promise to behave. When Barnaby arrives, however, he discovers Jules practising the Sunnysands summer stomp in the meadow. Jemima is cross.

And it doesn't get any better when Great Aunt Loretta arrives and shows Barnaby a hideous old Heidi doll that Jemima used to love to play with when she was little. Jemima goes off in a huff and Grandpa fails to calm her down. So he shrinks instead and dresses up as the Heidi doll. His antics amuse Barnaby and in the end even Jemima has to laugh. And we discover that Barnaby thinks the whole Mason family are really cool. He even wants to dance the Sunnysands summer stomp!


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