Episode 1 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# Better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# ..Games! #

Welcome to Gory Games.

I'm the star of the show, Rattus Rattus.

And I'm calling my agent.

DIALLING

Thought we'd sorted this out, Rattus.

If anyone is the star of the show, it's me, OK?

I should get top billing.

Hi, Marjorie, hi.

SPEEDED UP TALKING

OK... All right, well, I'll call you back, then, all right? All right.

All right.

She's very busy with a more important client.

Who's that, then? The Blue Peter tortoise?

Let's meet today's horrible historian, shall we?

Hi, I'm Harry, and I'm from Buckinghamshire.

Hello there, Harry.

Hi, I'm Abi, and I'm from Yorkshire.

Hello, Abi!

-Hi, I'm Aman and I'm from Watford!

-Hello, Aman.

Welcome, everyone.

You are all playing to win Year Spheres. OK?

The person with the highest year score at the end of the show

will win a revolting prize

fished out of the Time Sewer by the even more revolting Rattus Rattus.

And as a gift for you at home, yes, you can play along with us.

Just download the Gory Games app from the CBBC website.

Time for round one.

Let's go over to the Gory Grid, shall we?

It's the Terrible Tudors.

So, four questions on the Terrible Tudors coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere.

And your four Tudor topics are...

So, Aman, you get to pick first in this round.

-Which of those tickles your fancy?

-Plague, please!

You've gone for Plague.

And that is a question from Rattus Rattus, not surprisingly.

Certainly is.

In 1518, a plague broke out in Strasbourg, France.

It resulted in the villagers not being able to stop what?

Though all three at the same time would have been much funnier.

So, A, B, or C?

Let's see your answers.

OK.

Aman and Harry have agreed on A.

Rattus, what is the answer, please?

The answer is A.

Yes, it was a dancing plague.

About 400 people could not stop dancing

and some of them, well, they died from exhaustion.

Right. Abi, your turn to pick a topic.

-Witches, please.

-Let's hear that question.

See what you make of this one.

It had better not be B!

So, what was the Tudor remedy if you were under a witch's spell?

Is the answer A, B, or C?

Let's see those answers now, please.

Oh, look at that, it's Aman and Abi who are agreeing this time with A.

What's the answer?

The answer is...

Phew! Thank heavens for that.

You may be relieved, but Harry is ecstatic.

That's an extra point for him. He goes into the lead.

And you get to choose the next topic.

Please can I have Anne Boleyn?

Let's hear the question.

What was Henry VIII doing

while Anne Boleyn was getting her head chopped off?

Was he...?

So, was he...?

Answer now, please.

Look at that! A complete spread of answers.

-What is the actual answer, please?

-The answer is...

Note to self, never marry Henry VIII.

Well done, Abi, that's a point for you.

The final question in this round is on Edward De Vere -

and this is what it is.

Elizabeth I banned Edward De Vere, Earl of Oxford,

from her court for seven years for doing what in front of her?

-I know which one I'm hoping for!

-So, did he...?

Show me now, please.

Oh, Abi and Harry this time agreeing with B.

-What's the answer?

-The answer is...

Edward De Vere passed wind when bowing to the Queen.

Honestly! Farting in front of Her Majesty!

FART

-Excuse me!

-Ha-ha-ha!

Do you know, that's my favouritest question, well,

since the last one about farts.

So, at the end of that round,

-we can see that Harry, you have won the first Year Sphere.

-Yay!

And what a celebration that is! That means it's time for me to say...

Oh, Dave! I think the star of the show

should say the next line, don't you?

-ECHOING:

-I hear the Potty Pyramid!

Choose carefully, Harry, because AD dates will be added to your total

but BC dates will be subtracted from it -

and we'll find out what is in there later.

Come on, call me back, Marjorie!

Now, winning the Tudor quiz

means Harry is automatically through to play the Tudor game.

But will he be alone or will everyone get to play?

Let's find out, shall we?

It's an All Play silly game.

So off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you, go on!

-KIDS:

-Ugh!

-It smells in here!

-It certainly does, Aman!

Henry VIII was a mighty and powerful king.

But he couldn't do a poo without some help.

No, he couldn't. It's time to play Rattus's brand-new game...

You are the groom of the stool.

When Henry hollers, you need to collect his chamber pot

and check his stool.

And yes, this was an actual job.

In the meantime, you have to brick up the door

to the King's bedroom so he can have a safe night's sleep.

The first to brick up the doorway wins a Year Sphere.

The game starts in three...

-Number two!

-..number ones!

Go! KLAXON

Now they go - and the idea here is to brick up those doorways.

And Aman starting with a tiny little piece

whereas Harry has gone in with a whopping great bit.

Dave, towards the end of his life,

Henry became increasingly paranoid

and sometimes had his bedroom bricked up

at night so assassins couldn't get in!

Actually, having Henry bricked in was probably

safer for everybody else!

King Henry's groom of the stool

was called Thomas Heneage.

Groom of the stool sounds like a posh job.

but he was in for a shocker on day one!

"I have to do what?!"

-SPLAT!

-I'm finished!

Look out, Henry needs his stool attending to!

So they pour that into the bucket,

have a cursory look at it

to make sure he's healthy...

All over Abi's shoes, there.

Oh, well, those are the perils of the job, unfortunately.

Dave said my new game was too gross,

but hey, the rat's in charge now!

We'll see about that, Rattus,

when my agent calls back.

But look, Harry is really beginning to see

how this is going to work out.

Surely only one thing can slow him down now, and that's Henry's bowels?

-SPLAT!

-I'm finished!

Oh, and it has happened.

He is going to need to sift through that stuff...

Oh, it's going everywhere now.

Isn't it revolting, Rattus?

But he's back and it's looking good.

Despite the fact

that's a very neat bit of brickwork,

it's Harry who is a couple of pieces away now...

And the final piece in for Harry!

It's there! The pattern is complete!

But Harry is the groom of the stool and doesn't he know it!

Back you come, guys.

Well played, well played.

Rattus, have you seen my phone?

I've been waiting for my agent to call me back.

Well, I didn't see anyone throw it down the Time Sewer.

Throw it down the...?

Rattus, you do the Year Spheres!

Cheerio, everyone.

THEY GIGGLE

Rattus, where is it?

So, congratulations, Harry.

You were the triumphant groom of the stool.

So, go ahead and pick your Year Sphere.

-Which one, which one?

-This one.

Abi, you were very relaxed about scooping the poop, weren't you?

Do you do a lot of poop scooping?

I've got a dog.

Rattus, my phone WAS down the Time Sewer.

At least, I think it's my phone. KIDS GIGGLE

To find it, did you have to go like way, way back in time

to when you had, you know, hair?

I found it back in the 1980s.

You're not kidding(!)

Let's all try and ignore the hair, shall we?

Which, by the way, was very, very cool in 1983, thank you very much!

So, to find out what round two is about, over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Awful Egyptians!

And here are your all-important Egyptian topics.

So, Abi, it's your turn to pick first.

-What will you have?

-Bandages, please.

-What are you laughing at?

-Your hair!

-Ignore the hair.

A question on bandages it is.

And that is a question from Rattus Rattus.

When unravelled, the bandages of an ancient Egyptian mummy

can be up to how long in length?

Is it...?

So is that a nought, another nought, or lots of noughts?

Spectacularly good maths, Rattus, very helpful.

Let's see your answers, please.

Rattus, they've all gone for B.

What's the answer, fella?

Yes, the answer is B!

There could be up to 2,400 metres of bandage on a mummy.

One for you, one for you,

and one for you.

Excellent. Harry, your turn to pick a topic.

-Please can I have Cures?

-Let's hear that question.

An ancient Egyptian treatment for burns involved rubbing in what?

See poo, eat poo.

KIDS LAUGH

Try to ignore Rattus.

Let's see your answers now, please.

Oh, they've all gone for B.

What's the answer?

The answer is C.

Burns to the skin were treated with a thick paste of poo.

-Certainly works for me!

-Aman, it's your turn to pick a topic.

-Wigs, please.

-Let's hear that question.

The poorest Egyptians would often make their wigs from...

Show me those answers now.

Aman and Harry think it's A.

Abi thinks it's C. What's the answer, please?

The answer is C.

Poor Egyptians would make their wigs from the fibres of palm trees.

And they'd still look a lot less ridiculous than Dave.

You are so going to be put in your place

when my agent finally answers her phone.

Aargh! He bit me, you all saw it!

OK, that's a point for you, Abi. Congratulations.

There is one question left in this round and it is a question on Cones.

And what's more, it's a prop question.

-KIDS AND RATTUS:

-# Prop question prop question, prop question! #

At an ancient Egyptian banquet, the host would sometimes present

each guest with a cone containing animal fat and perfume.

But what would they do with it? Would they...?

Show me now, please.

Well, complete disagreement.

The answer, I can tell you, is...

-A! Well done, Harry.

-Yes!

The guests would put the cones on their heads - as the animal fat

and perfume melted, it ran down their faces, cooling them

and making them smell better.

-They must have looked ridiculous!

-Look who's talking.

Well done, Harry.

That's an extra point for you,

which means, Abi and Harry, this is it -

we're in a tie-breaker situation.

Fingers on your buzzers.

Beginning with the letter P,

what was the title given to rulers in ancient Egypt?

Abi?

-Pharaoh.

-Pharaoh is correct.

Well done, Abi.

Collect yourself a Year Sphere.

Pick carefully, Abi,

because you don't want to end up with a BC stinker!

No, you don't.

-Dave, have you called your agent yet?

-I've called her loads of times.

She's not picking up. But she will.

OK, Abi. You are through to play the Egyptian game.

But will it be just you, or will others get to play, too?

Let's find out, shall we?

Well, it's a single player Gory Game.

Abi, down that Time Sewer on your own.

No wonder Rattus lives in here, it stinks as bad as him!

It really does stink as bad as him.

The following game has been certified PG - perfectly gross.

As in, "Perfect, it's gross!"

It's time to play our old favourite...

Your challenge is to find and remove the stomach,

liver, intestines and lungs

and put them in the correct canopic jars.

The brain needs to be yanked out through the nose and binned.

And you also need to bin the bladder!

Ha-ha-ha! I said bladder, I said bladder!

But the heart must be left inside the body.

Your time starts in three, two, one!

KLAXON Abi is off.

How is she feeling right now, Rattus?

I would imagine she's feeling fairly queasy, Dave.

I would imagine she is.

But that's not going to stop her going straight for the brain.

It's a bit stringy for my money, but it's gone straight into the bin.

And if you want to join in at home,

you can download the Gory Games app, of course.

OK, then, what's Abi got here? Oh, the stomach.

Now, here, Rattus, she's matching the stomach

to the correct picture on the canopic jars.

Those are the rules, Dave,

and she's got the rules off Pat.

Pat knows the rules, he wrote them down

and gave them to her earlier.

Pat knows absolutely everything.

You can get a lot off Pat.

Now, she's got the intestines here.

It's like some sort of ghoulish skipping rope

coming out of there, covered in unmentionable grease.

Abi finds where to put that

-and I think she's got it.

-In the jar.

In the jar, she's got it!

Now what do you think is coming out next, Rattus?

-Oh! Oh! Oh!

-Ugh!

It's a bladder full of wee-wee! And there is wee everywhere.

That bladder needs to be binned

and she's got two more organs to find.

30 seconds remaining.

Oh, there's our old friend the liver.

-Oh, we love the liver.

-What a pleasing liver that is.

She just needs to find the lungs, now,

and deposit them in the correct jar.

She's got to leave the heart in the body, though.

The lungs, the lungs!

The lungs are out and I think that could be it, Rattus.

She's got to get that in quickly, now.

But it's there, for my money.

FANFARE And there is the celebration,

and then the shock at having covered her hands in unmentionable gunge.

Abi, congratulations, you did it.

Your mummification skills are beyond compare.

Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

Oh, interesting, a last-minute change of mind.

Could there be important? We'll find out later.

So, Abi, just give us some idea of what it feels like

to put your hands inside a mummy.

The bladder was like,

I kept having to squeeze it to get all the wee out and that.

RATTUS LAUGHS

Abi said bladder, and then she said wee!

-Rattus, it's not funny.

-Yeah, exactly.

So, is that the first time

you've covered yourself in wee from a bladder?

-Not necessarily!

-I'll tell you what, Abi, let's not go into that.

I'm just going to assume it is and we're going to move right on.

OK, round three.

Over to the Gory Grid to find out what's next.

It's the Rotten Romans.

Four questions then, as always.

And here are your four Roman topics.

And Harry, it's your turn to pick first.

-What's it going to be?

-I'm going to go with Army, please.

Army it is. Let's hear that question.

Is this true or false?

Oh, please be false, please be false!

Is that true, or is that false? Show me now, please.

Abi on her own with false.

What's the answer?

The war dogs would be sent into battle

with spiked metal collars and coats of armour.

The boys with a point each and Aman, it's your turn to choose a topic.

-Chickens, please.

-Chickens it is.

Let's hear that question.

True or false?

Before Romans went into battle, they would consult sacred chickens

to see if the gods were on their side.

Did Romans base battle decisions on sacred chickens?

Is that true, or is that false? Show me now, please.

Oh, Harry and Abi agreeing this time with false.

What's the answer, please?

It's true! They put food on the floor.

If the chickens ate the food, it was a good day for battle.

Or, the chickens were really hungry.

Aman...

You're in the lead in this round with only two questions to go.

Can you hang on and get your first Year Sphere?

-Abi, what's it going to be?

-Clothes, please.

Clothes it is. What's that question, please?

True or false?

We Romans used to wash our clothes in urine.

Did the Romans wash their clothes in urine?

Is that true or is that false? Let's have your answers, please.

There we go.

Abi and Harry again agreeing with true.

Aman is on false.

This could be really important, what's the answer, please?

It's true!

Mmm! Fresh as a daisy!

That's been wee-ed on.

KIDS GIGGLE

So, not fresh at all, then.

Wow, that was very exciting but that meant that Aman,

you have been pulled back slightly, there.

Let's see what you can do with this one.

It is a question on leg hair

and it is a question from Mr Rattus Rattus.

True or false?

Emperor Augustus used to get rid of his leg hair

by allowing his pet squirrel to nibble the hairs off.

Emperor Augustus used to get rid of his leg hair,

cos he let his pet squirrel nibble the hairs off his legs.

Is that true or is that false? Give us an answer, please.

Well, Aman, you are out on your own again.

Rattus, put us out of our misery, what's the answer?

It's false!

In fact, he used to singe off his leg hair with burned nutshells,

so that the hair would grow back all soft.

So that's points for Abi and Harry.

Oh, Aman, it was so close!

But at the end of the round, Harry,

it's you who wins yourself another Year Sphere.

Ring, ring! Ring, ring!

-Oh...

-Ring, ring! Ring, ring!

-Is that your agent, Dave?

-Very funny, Rattus.

Harry, as the winner of the Roman quiz,

you are through to play the Roman game.

But will it be just you or will the others get to play, too?

Let's find out, shall we?

It's a single player silly game, Harry.

Off you go down the Time Sewer.

Ugh!

And it is still disgusting.

It's 31 BC - and Roman Civil War.

The great Roman generals Octavian and Mark Anthony

face each other at sea.

It's time to play our new game...

You are in Octavian's Navy.

Your task, to load your catapult, aim and sink the enemy ships.

There is one point for every ship you sink

and two points if you hit Mark Anthony's ship.

Score five points in the time limit to win your Year Sphere.

Battle begins...

Now! KLAXON

He pulls back the firing mechanism, enters the first cannonball and...

Fires!

Oh! What a start! What a start that was.

Enemy ship down.

Now, can he keep this 100% record going?

No, he can't. Upsetting for him,

that's hit the sea

and bounced quite hard off the sea.

Surprisingly stiff, the sea in this game.

Don't forget the blue ship is Mark Anthony's,

that scores two points and he needs five points to win.

30 seconds remaining.

Oh, and that is Mark Anthony's ship, that's two points.

That is the big one, right there.

And another hit! Wow, he is into his stride now, he's got four points!

Can he hit another? He only needs one more.

And he's got it! FANFARE

He's done it!

There's the celebration. He needs to be careful not to fall overboard!

Come on, then, Harry, back you come.

Well played, sir. Well played.

Collect your Year Sphere.

Yeah, from the bright, shiny object that's not Dave.

Yes, all right.

Well played, Harry.

It's the final round so it's...

PHONE Ah! Now, at last.

At last. Hello?

SPEEDED-UP TALKING It's my agent.

RATTUS SNEERS Is that...?

No... No, this is Dave. SPEEDED-UP TALKING

All right. SPEEDED-UP TALKING

All right. Marj... Speak later.

Wrong number.

She meant to call the Blue Peter tortoise, apparently.

This is me trying not to laugh!

RATTUS LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

Moving swiftly on, it's time for our big all-play endgame.

So it over to the Gory Grid to find out what we've got.

It's the Groovy Greeks.

It's the Greeks! Everybody, back down that Time Sewer.

Go on, get down there, Harry.

-Ugh!

-ABI:

-Ugh, rat!

-Go on, Abi, you know the way.

-Ugh, it stinks!

-This time, Aman.

-Smells like Rattus!

-Smells like Rattus.

Time to play another new messy game...

Greek physician Hippocrates

is considered to be the father of medicine,

thanks to his highly scientific diagnosis techniques.

Your challenge is to run down your inflatable lane

and stuff Hippocrates's gob full of us much bogey,

earwax, wee and pus as possible.

The person who does the most wins the Year Sphere.

Three, two, one!

KLAXON

And look at that, they're straight in there,

all three of our young medical students loading up

with samples of wee and bogeys and all sorts.

And here they go.

Down their lanes.

Tricky to keep your footing here, Rattus!

It is tricky, Dave,

particularly if you are in bare feet.

Totally. And that was bogey.

I think there's a bit of ear wax

or pus going in there.

Oh, look at that! What a great shot that was.

It was, a splendid shot there from Aman.

He sort of roared, and chased it home, there.

Abi is the first to get away with another bag of samples,

followed swiftly by Harry and then Aman.

And it's not all about speed, is it?

It's about getting their samples into Hippocrates's big old mouth.

And Harry is nonchalantly doing exactly that.

He has a fabulous throwing technique and it looks to me

like he is favouring the wee samples.

It's close, Rattus, it's very close.

And there is it Aman, having a look round,

surveying the damage and... Boom!

Oh, Hippocrates,

take that on your top row of teeth.

Raargh-atchoo!

And there's the sneeze, that's the snot.

And Harry surfs it like a professional bogey dodger.

30 seconds remaining.

Terrific running from Harry.

Favoured the right-hand side of his lane.

He carries on delivering. Now, Abi is already slipping.

This is an ominous sign for Abi, I think, Rattus.

Look, it's playing havoc with Abi's footing.

Aman is down as well.

And look at Harry, he's filling his boots, here.

Poor old Aman at the far end.

He literally hasn't stood up for about 30 seconds.

-It's sad to see, Rattus, isn't it?

-It is.

BURP!

HOOTER And it's all over!

Oh, you've got to feel for the lad -

and for my money, Harry's got this by a nose.

Welcome back.

Welcome back, everybody.

Back up through the Time Sewer.

Well, that was a very, very close-fought thing.

I can now announce that the winner of that game was Harry.

Help yourself to another Year Sphere, Harry.

And that celebration dance tells us

that he is about to completely fill his podium.

Congratulations. What a strong performance.

It's crunch time.

Let's count up those Year Spheres and remember -

AD scores are added to your total,

BC scores are subtracted from them.

Aman, I'm going to say you're going to end up with nought.

-Ha-ha-ha!

-You laugh, Rattus...

-That's not funny.

-..but that could be a good score.

BC scores elsewhere and Aman could find himself winning this.

-Oh, that's true.

-Abi, open up that first sphere, please.

Oh, it's a positive one.

It's 1215 AD.

Which of course was the year the Magna Carta was signed

by King John at Runnymede.

Let's have a look at this crucial second one, Abi.

Oh, it's a BC, but it's not a disaster.

It's 47 BC.

Cleopatra was restored to the throne

after the Battle of the Nile that year.

It does mean that you have ended up with a positive score

so I'm afraid, Aman, you can no longer win.

Harry, open that first one, please.

You started off very, very slowly.

41 AD, Roman emperor Caligula assassinated that year.

Let's have a look at the second one.

Oh, my goodness me! 4,000 BC!

The domestication of the horse began round about then.

You have three spheres

to claw your way back into the positive.

Let's see if it can be done.

Oh, that's a good start.

1170 AD, Thomas Becket murdered in Canterbury Cathedral.

Let's have a look at the next one.

It's another good one, 1887 AD -

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle published

his first Sherlock Holmes story that year.

This could be crucial, let's have a look at the final sphere.

1337 AD, the 100 Years War began that year between England and France

which means that you have ended up with a total of 435,

which means that today's winner, with 1168 points,

is Abi!

-Yay!

-Wow!

You get to take home the something that Rattus has found

bobbing around in the Time Sewer.

Yes, I found some face cream,

Abi, as used by the wife of Charles VI of France, no less.

-Really?

-It's made of boars' brains, wolves' blood, and crocodile glands.

Of course it is(!) Abi, that pot...

-Thank you.

-..'tis all yours.

And for our two runners-up, I'm afraid it's time to get very,

very dirty indeed as you head home through the Time Sewer.

Harry, very bad luck.

Get down there.

-Well done, Aman.

-Ugh!

-Keep him company.

Stinky sewer!

And don't forget, you can play along next time

if you download the Gory Games app from the CBBC website.

I've been Rattus Rattus and, well, he's been ridiculous.

Thanks very much.

You've been watching Gory Games.

-Goodbye!

-Goodbye!

Ugh!

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# Games! #