Acton Scott Jedward's Big Adventure

Just when you thought it was safe...

# Come with us there's so much to discover! #

The Jedward boys are back to surprise the nation's tourists...

Release the geese! Let's go!

..and compete head-to-head to see who will be the best tour guide.

-You're so going down tomorrow.

-We'll see about that, Edward.

Who will make a pig's ear of it?

I don't want to get turbulosis.

And who will be UDDERLY hopeless?

Oh, we're going for it now!

John, I think she's having chocolate milk!

# It's Jedward's Big Adventure! #

Oh, yes!

# Come with us There's so much to discover

# Crazy adventures with me and my brother

# We'll dig up things that will freak you out

# Cos this is Jedward's Big Adventure!

# We'll be your tour guides There's so much to do

# There's a whole planet out there and it's just for you

# Never know what you'll find and we'll mess with your mind

# It's hair-raising, trail-blazing totally fun!

# Jedward's Big Adventure! #

Acton Scott working farm, the Shropshire home to animals,

wildlife, Victorian farming,

and for two days only, Jedward?!

-We're here, Edward!

-But where's here?

John, I think we've gone back in time, like Doctor Who!

I think you're right, Edward. What are we going to do?!

Our mission!

Dear Jedward, in just 24 hours' time, you have to give a group of tourists

a guided tour of Acton Scott historic working farm.

You'll be telling them all about farm life in Victorian times.

Whoever gives the best tour will get to have a slap-up Victorian picnic

with sweets and treats and lashings and lashings of ginger beer.

But whoever loses will have to muck out

a massive mound of year-old manure?!

DUN-DUN-DAAAHH!

We're definitely going to need some help.

That's why I've got a Jedphone.

-Call Fergus, he's a magician and he's totally awesome.

-'Hello?'

-Fergus, we need your help.

-How quickly can you get here?

-Hey!

-Whoa!

-What?

It's Fergus Flanagan from Help, My Supply Teacher Is Magic!

-John, we'll need someone else to help.

-Boys, leave this one to me.

Ready?

-Whoa, I've just got out the shower!

-Sorry, Shannon.

It's Shannon Flynn from Dani's Castle!

-What do you guys know about Victorian farms?

-Not very much.

-No, sorry.

-You guys chillax, while we go get the facts.

Come on, Edward.

Yes, there's no time to be sheepish

or this could end up being a right pig of a challenge!

-Yeah.

-HE CLUCKS LIKE A CHICKEN

Tomorrow, John and Edward will be leading tourists

around the Victorian farm, a place they know nothing about.

John will be helped by Shannon

while Edward will be with Fergus.

Each team will be given three stories,

which the tourists will be tested on.

It's time for the boys to meet their first expert. Alan!

You all right, Alan?

He's going to explain how life used to be

on a farm in Victorian England.

Time for the boys to start concentrating on those facts.

-Listen up, boys!

-Baaa!

-Quack!

-Boys?

-Quack, quack!

-Oh, dear.

-Whoa, this place is so old, Edward!

-And so is this guy. He's Victorian.

-I'm John.

-And Edward.

-And together we are Jedward!

I'm Alan and I'm not Victorian.

But I can tell you about Victorian times.

The Victorian age in British history is named after Queen Victoria,

who was Britain's queen from 1837 until 1901.

Life on a Victorian farm was hard.

There was no electricity and no tractors.

Everything was done by hand or by horse-drawn machinery.

Country children began to work on farms at a young age,

often skipping school to make money in the fields

at harvest or berry-picking time.

If you didn't make money for your family, you didn't eat.

Rural children often left school to work full-time by the age of 12.

-Edward, focus!

-Tell us more about Victorian life.

It was pretty tough for everybody but particularly tough for children.

They didn't go to school at the start of Victorian times,

cos they had to go and pick potatoes,

help with the harvest, do lots of things on the farm. Hard work.

-I think I'd rather go to school.

-Yeah.

-I can't believe I said that.

-I can't believe I said that.

I can't believe they said that either!

I think it's time to go check out the farm.

Come on, Edward, come on, Alan, let's go do this. Doooo!

It's time for the boys to get cracking

with their first job of the morning, milking.

And here's our expert, Merle.

That's right, we're going milking with Merle.

# Milking with Merle, milking with Merle, milking with Merle... #

This could get really annoying.

# Milking with Merle, milking with Merle... #

Yeah, it's got annoying.

# Milking with Merle! #

Sorry, Merle!

Better suit up, boys. This could get messy.

Merle, why were cows so important in Victorian times?

Cows were important on the farm because they produce milk.

Milk, cream, butter and cheese

were all important produce for the Victorian farmer.

Usually, only the rich drank tea or had easy access to milk.

The poor drank a lot of cider as water was not clean.

Milk might be good for you now

but in Victorian times, it could kill you.

It was likely that the disease tuberculosis,

transmitted via infected milk from cows to humans,

was a major cause of death

from the 1800s up to about the Second World War.

Nowadays, we are able to make milk safe by pasteurisation,

a process which kills harmful germs and keeps milk from going sour.

Moooo!

Now, years ago, a dairy maid would milk six to seven cows in an hour.

Nowadays, people can milk 200 cows an hour.

COW MOOS

Argh! Run away! Moody cow.

-You show us how it's done.

-Yeah, stroke the cow.

-You have to pull and squeeze.

-Whoa, there's milk coming out of there!

-Can I have a go?

-He's got the dirty hand so he can hold the tail.

-MOOOOOO!

-So I pull and squeeze?

-Yeah.

-I cannot believe you're actually doing this, Edward.

-Neither can I!

# Milking with Jedward milking with Jedward! #

Merle, if we feed the cow chocolate, will it produce chocolate milk?

Oh, we're going for it now, we're going for it!

-John, I think she's having chocolate milk!

-Chocolate milk all the way!

Whoa, Bramble, that's smelly.

Some foul play there from Bramble. Phooo!

From now on, when I see milk, I'll be like, in my brain,

I'll see these cows all mooing.

Milking a cow is an experience

I'll remember for the rest of my life.

Let's hope they do remember those milking facts for tomorrow.

Selfie! As the losers face the tower of manure.

Urgh, steamy!

Bwark buck buck buck!

Here I go. Move over. Where's your egg? We're trying to find it.

Wow!

Come here, chicken!

I'm John, this is Chicken. And together we are...Chickon?

Now it's time for the boys to meet a man of steel.

No, he's not Superman, he's John.

But he does have some super facts about what it was like to be

a blacksmith in the Victorian times.

Check it out, Edward, it's a barbecue!

-Awesome, let's get our cook on!

-Stop there.

-Come on!

It's not a barbecue, it's a blacksmith's forge.

For centuries,

the blacksmith had the most important job in the village.

He would make everything from shovels to gates,

ploughs to door hinges.

If it was metal and broken, the blacksmith fixed it.

The forge hearth is the centre of the blacksmith's workplace.

It is here that charcoal or coke is burned to heat a fire.

The temperature in the very middle of this fire

might be as high as 3,000 degrees Celsius.

In the fire, the blacksmith heats the iron to over 1,000 degrees

when it becomes soft enough to be shaped easily.

-Edward, wake up!

-Awesome, John, can we help out at the forge?

-You can pump the bellows if you like.

-Here we go.

Are you sure you trust these two, John?

What's the fuel called?

-This is called coke.

-What, like the fizzy Coke?

-No, it's made from coal.

-Oh, right.

I can make pokers, I can make hinges, I can make fences, gates.

Why was the blacksmith important in Victorian times?

Because he was the man who could make all the tools

that the farmers and carpenters needed,

and he also shoed the horses.

In fact, he was looked upon as a magician.

Someone who could conjure things out of metal.

That's it finished, I'm going to cool it down in the water.

HISSING

-It looks amazing.

-We're going to put this in our hall.

Put our cool outfits on it.

The boys are halfway through their tour of a Victorian working farm.

So far they've found out

all about agricultural life in Victorian times,

how many cows could be milked in an hour,

and the name of a blacksmith's workplace.

Tomorrow they'll be going head-to-head

and each giving a tour of their own,

with the loser facing a mahoosive mound of manure in the forfeit!

So they'd better listen carefully. Fat chance.

-Hey, John.

-Hey, Edward.

Hay!

Oh, yeah, hay!

Time to giddy up and find out some more about the Victorian farm.

And here's Simon. He's the one on the right.

He works with someone who really pulls their weight.

What type of horse is this, what type of make is this?

He's a shire horse, this is Charlie.

And why is it called a shire horse?

-Is he shy?

-We're from the shires in the Midlands.

-And what do you do?

-I'm the wagoner.

The wagoner was in charge of looking after the farm's horses.

He put them to work, ploughing fields and pulling carts.

Heavy horses like shires were often used

because of their huge size and strength.

PRRRRT!

Shire horses are thought to be descendants of Norman horses

brought to Britain by William the Conqueror in 1066.

John, wake up!

We've got to learn how to plough.

-Right is right, left is left.

-Right, I mean, left.

-And if he goes crazy, just pull like that?

-Pull gentle and say, whoa.

Say whoa!

-Let's plough!

-Whoa, I'm actually doing it!

Right, right, right, right. Left, left, left!

-Make up your mind!

-Yay!

-Ho-oh.

-Good boy!

It's more like a wave than a line.

Edward, it's my first time ploughing, I'd like to see how you get on.

Yours is going to be all over the place.

-Let's do it.

-Right. Left, left.

You're doing it, Edward, you're doing it!

Ho-oh!

John, can you see that that is a line?

-You're so going down tomorrow.

-We'll see about that, Edward.

It's all about the facts, not about ploughing straight lines.

Yes, that's right. It's all about knowing those all important facts.

Let's hope they've remembered some.

But we must PLOUGH on. Ha ha ha!

Wonder what Jedward are up to now?

Is that Jedward pretending to be sheepdogs?

-Come by!

-Yeah, yeah, they are.

Good dogs, now we're shaping.

-Get by, fetch them on.

-Woof, woof!

-Let's go!

-Slowly, slowly!

No!

I think they've gone woolly in the head.

-This is baa-a-a-a-ad.

-Very good, Fergus.

And it seems the sheep are ba-a-a-ack. Whoops!

Bet he's feeling sheepish.

Chop chop! It's time to meet the next expert, Ian.

Mind your fingers, boys, he's the wood-chopping bodger.

Ooh!

Argh! Are you like a Victorian executioner?

-Don't chop our heads off!

-It'll ruin our hair!

I don't chop heads, only chop logs.

A bodger was a woodworker who specialised in making chairs,

wooden tools and other implements.

He often lived in woodland where he cut down trees,

chopped them into logs and then turned and shaped the wood.

You couldn't nip down the local DIY store in Victorian times to

buy something. Everything had to be made by hand.

Whoa!

-It must have taken years to become a proper bodger.

-Can we have a go?

-You can, but you have to be careful.

-It's really dangerous, Edward.

Don't worry, I have an idea.

Better safe than sorry.

Is this a dream?

How long will it take to chop that down

just to make two perfect sized chopsticks

so I can eat my sushi later at lunch?

If you want sushi, you better start fishing for some useful facts.

-So, what is this?

-This is a shaving horse.

Sometimes called a donkey, because it goes...

SQUEAKING Eee-haww!

Ha-ha!

You put your bit of wood in there and then we shave it.

This is a draw knife, so you draw it towards you.

-And then it makes all these trimmings out like snow.

-Yep.

Lovely wooden snow.

Can I have a go?

-I didn't put all this safety gear on for nothing.

-You sure can.

-Ah, look at that!

-Come on, you're doing amazing.

The next stage is working it in the lathe.

By using different sorts of chisels, you can make different shapes.

Come on, good man! Blooming heck, this is quite exciting!

-That was a really close shave.

-I'm getting a headache wearing this.

What's up, Jedcam! I'm going to release the geese.

Aagh! Let's go!

HONKING

Come on!

HONKING

So, you guys ready for the Jedward concert?

# Come with us there's so much to discover

# A crazy adventure with me and my brother... #

Guys, what's wrong with the concert?

It's been a long day on the farm,

but the boys have to squeeze in one last story for tomorrow

and here's Alan again.

Let's hope he gives the boys some meaty HAM-work to learn!

Oh, gross!

What's that smell? Did you let one go, Edward?

Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

It's probably not you, it's probably the pigs.

JEDWARD: Pigs!

In 1882, it was estimated that there was one pig

to every four people in Shropshire.

Anyone with a large enough garden could keep a pig in a sty.

A young weaner pig could be purchased

and fattened up on garden and household waste.

You could say pigs were the original recyclers.

One pig could produce a good supply of meat, which could be salted

and preserved to feed a family for months.

John!

They didn't get too soft and sentimental on the pig,

because they needed to eat it. It was a case of survival.

So pigs back then were like VIPs or very important?

-They were very important to people, yes.

-Very Important Pigs.

-Very Important Pigs.

-Yay!

And you've learned some very important facts today, boys,

facts which you'll need to remember

as it's time to say goodbye to our experts.

Tomorrow, John and Edward will be the experts

with the help of Shannon and Fergus, of course.

Over yonder at Jedward HQ,

the teams are busy preparing all of their props

and trying to remember everything for the big tour tomorrow.

But things are off to a slow start

as John and Shannon seem more interested

in their team name than the facts.

I'm John. You're Shannon, and together we are Joshannon!

-Joshan-non?

-No.

-Joshannon?

Make your minds up.

Meanwhile, Edward is pretty keen to see what Fergus has up his sleeve.

-Can you, like, show me a magic trick?

-OK, I could,

but I was thinking we could save that for the class tomorrow.

-That is such a smart idea.

-High five. All right.

Now can you show me a magic trick, please?

I haven't been feeling well...

-all day.

-HE COUGHS

-Argh!

-Whoa!

I'd see a doctor about that, mate.

Time for bed, you lot. Nighty night!

NARRATOR YAWNS

COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOO!

Morning!

And as the sun rises in Shropshire,

John and Edward awake, refreshed and full of facts.

Well, let's hope so, because a group of tourists are already

on their way to Acton Scott historic working farm

and these guys have no idea who they're meeting

or what they've got in store.

I hope today we'll be feeding some animals, that would be cool.

-Yeah, that would be sick.

-What, as in, sick, ill?

CHEERING

Moving on!

They're here!

And it's time for the tourists to meet their tour guides.

-Come on, Edward. What's up, guys, I'm John.

-I'm Edward.

-Oh, my God!

Me and Edward are going to be your tour guides today.

There's a lot of stuff going to happen that you'll be, like, whoa.

This is Jedward's Big Adventure so anything can happen.

My celebrity guest is Shannon Flynn from Dani's Castle!

Make some noise! CHEERING

And my celebrity is Fergus Flannigan from

-Help, My Supply Teacher Is Magic!

-Yay!

I'm John, that's Shannon, and together we are Joshannon!

He's Fergus the magician and I'm Edward,

and together we are Jedmagic!

Are you guys ready for this? ALL: Yeah!

Shall we hit the farm? ALL: Yeah!

Let's go this way, come on!

We've just met our hosts.

Jedward. And I think we're all quite shocked.

They don't stop moving at all.

Even when they're standing still, they're like...

Good dancing, boys!

It's time for the tour to begin and Team John are up first on the farm.

But can they give the tourists a memorable Victorian welcome?

Remember, whichever team delivers the facts best

wins a slap-up Victorian picnic

with the losers being knee deep in piggy poo!

Yuck!

DEEP VOICE: I am a farmer from the Victorian era.

-DEEP VOICE:

-What's wrong with your voice?

Back then, it was very, very tough. Even children had to work.

Like my daughter here, Shannon.

And to prove how tough life was for a Victorian child,

Joshannon has set up a potato game. But the rules seem a bit confusing.

You stand here and there's one here, and there's one here.

And the person here will get the potato...

What a load of waffle.

Potato, potato, potato.

But if the person here drops it, they have to go,

"Oh, no, I dropped the potato."

-Did you get that?

-No, neither did I.

Start the potato game!

-You have to go to the right, you have to go, quick, quick!

-Oh, oh!

Er, how is this helping them learn the facts? I'm confused.

Whoo! We're the winners!

-High-fives all round. Yes!

-I demand a recount.

I think not. Where's my lawyer?

Oh, trouble in Joshannon.

Will their bickering distract the tourists from the facts?

-I didn't really find out a lot.

-Really?

-We were all getting a bit confused.

-Me too.

Let's go this way!

Anyhoo, back in the barn,

let's see what's happening with Edward and Fergus.

-This is Bramble.

-MOOOO!

They're explaining to the tourists

the dilemmas of milking in Victorian times.

If milk was unpasteurised, it could cause tuberculosis

which is a horrible disease that can make you really, really sick.

But Edward is struggling to pronounce his facts.

Urgh! I don't want to get turbulosis.

Turbulosis? It's tuberculosis, Edward.

A good milkmaid, much like myself...

-Who had pigtails.

-Yeah!

..could milk a cow six to seven times an hour.

Er, it's six to seven cows an hour.

When you milk a cow like Bramble...

HE LAUGHS

When you milk, when you milk a cow like Bramble...

I don't know how to do it! How do I milk?

Oh, dear.

Here, there's udders, that's where the milk comes from.

There's a technique, so it's like pull, squeeze, pull, squeeze.

-Edward, it's not happening.

-Oh, whoops!

It's not happening?

Well, don't... Oh, no. Don't cry over spilt milk!

-Bramble!

-Whey!

-We have some milk.

-Do we have enough milk going on here, let's see?

Check it out, that is real milk that you get in your local shop.

Now, who would like to see a Jedward being milked?

ALL: Me!

Me! Me! For one.

What you need to do is hold on to Edward's arm. Yeah?

You need to pump it like that. Start pumping!

I feel something funny happening!

THEY LAUGH

How are you doing at?

Why am I doing this?

That's amazing!

Round of applause for Edward and Imogen, that was fantastic.

Elbow milk!

I think I did better than Bramble.

Question is, did the tourists pick up those vital milk facts?

I don't know.

I think the funniest thing was when Fergus milked Edward.

Fergus appeared, was Fergus the bearded lady?

And he had pigtails for some reason.

Well, that was fun,

but now it's time for Team John as they attempt to impress the tourists

in the hottest spot in town. Well, on the farm, anyway.

It's the blacksmith's forge.

Will they succeed in hammering home the facts to the tourists?

Shannon, what's this called, this thingy, thingy, thing?

Er...

Is this the billows or something?

-Bellows.

-The bellows.

-Bell-lows.

That's it, the bellows.

When you pull the bellows down,

this blows air into this,

-which makes all the coals hotter.

-It needs to be 1,000 degrees Celsius.

-You've got to keep going.

-I'm going, I'm going.

And right now, see that brush he's using? It's a wire brush.

It's not a hairbrush, it's a wire brush.

Oh, it always comes back to the hair, doesn't it?

Bang, bang, bang.

And a bang, and a bang bang bang.

And a bang, and we're still banging, bang, bang, bang.

With all this banging, John's blowing hot and cold with the facts.

Bang! Tsss!

Let's hope he's not distracting the tourists too much.

You know what I think it looks like?

It looks like a J for the coolest team in the world, Team John!

We're on fire. Tsss!

How cool is that? Come on, round of applause.

Sizzling work, Team John.

But did they strike whilst the iron is hot

or were they just full of hot air?

We were up at the blacksmith and John just kept going,

like, bang, bang, bang all the time.

Bang, and we're still banging, bang, bang, bang.

It was quite hard to take in the facts

because we kept getting distracted.

Oh, dear, Team John!

Let's hope you impress the tourists when you see them again.

Meanwhile, Team Edward have gone to see a man about a horse.

This is Charlie, the shire horse. Everyone say, "Hi, Charlie."

ALL: Hi, Charlie.

He says hi back as well. What's that, Charlie?

Hi, Charlie!

Obviously, Charlie couldn't just go off on his own

-so he has to be controlled by a Wagner.

-A Wagner?!

And that is the Wagner over there, Simon.

Don't you mean wagoner, boys?

-Who wants to have a go ploughing the land?

-Yeah!

And welcome to the inaugural plough field derby.

It's the huge favourite, Big Time Charlie,

versus the young upstarts, Tourist Trap. And they're off!

Big Time Charlie in the lead at a steady pony pace.

He looks like he could do this all day, probably because he does.

CHEERING

Yeah, winning! Whoo!

The challengers, Tourist Trap, are struggling.

There are plenty of them

but they are making hard work of this hard work.

Work those legs, come on! There's eight of you!

It's not remotely neck and neck as we plough the final furlong,

and who's it going to be, I ask pointlessly?

Dig those knees in!

Tourist Trap look stuck in a rut, literally,

as Big Time Charlie trots home to victory!

Yes, I won!

The winner!

So why the long face?

-Enough horsing around from Team Edward.

-Oh, yeah.

Ploughing may be fun but will the tourists be too exhausted

to remember the facts?

Charlie rocked it.

He deserved to win, he's a nice horse.

Edward's definitely going to win.

I do have a feeling that John's going to win.

It's going to be really close, I think.

I just really don't want to be clearing up that muck.

DUN-DUN-DAAHH!

It appears the race is still on. Team John's turn next.

Can they remember all the facts about the bodger?

-What is this, Shannon, what is this?

-This is called a shaving horse.

This is important equipment, this is called a draw knife.

Who'd have thought they'd remember all these names?

And this is called a loth. A louth?

A louth, we'll go with louth.

It's spelt L-A-T-H-E.

Yeah, a lath, something like that, OK?

Er, I spoke too soon. It's a lathe.

Now he's going to get this here, it's called a chisel.

-What's it called? ALL:

-Chisel.

Chisel. OK, and now it's spinning around.

He's making it, er, more smoother because it needs to be smooth.

What do you guys think he should make? A baseball bat?

Yeah, let's do that.

If you look closely, the wood's coming off,

and you can make cool wood beards like this.

That new look's growing on me, actually.

Ho, ho, ho!

-That's so cool.

-There we go.

Now all we need is a baseball. Throw it.

Home run!

A smashing end for Team John.

Touch wood, they've got all the facts over to the tourists.

Time now for the final stop on the tour,

and Team Edward's last attempt to impress with a curly TALE to tell.

Let's hope they give the tourists a SQUEALLY good time.

Do your parents ever say your room's like a pigsty?

-Yeah!

-Not any more.

Well, we're now in a real pigsty. Can you guys smell that smell?

Oh, yeah.

It smells like as if Fergus let one off.

That's a bit rude!

These are crossbred pigs.

These are half between a Gloucester Old Spot

and another pig, and that's why they have black spots.

Looks like someone forgot the name of the pig there. Oh, dear.

And it seems the pigs are more interested in eating the boys

than letting them get their facts out.

Guys, they're trying to eat my boots!

I think if I put this pig nose on, they won't try to eat me.

They'll think that you're one of them.

Edward? Where's Edward gone?

I think I'm going to go in and check out this pigsty

and see what they have inside. Oh, it's amazing in here!

Watch out, Fergus!

He nipped me on the bum!

Oh, boys, whilst you were playing, the pigs were escaping.

Here, little piggy, piggy!

An impressive climax from Team Edward.

They went the whole hog, but have they done enough to roast a victory?

It's the moment of truth.

Have the tourists remembered those all-important vital facts

on the Victorian working farm?

Or was all the milking,

bickering,

and horsing about too much of a distraction?

It's time to find out as the tourists take the big test!

What is the name of the person who looks after the horses on the farm?

They're being asked two questions on each of the stories.

Why are pigs ginger and spotty?

For each correct answer,

there's a point in it for the team that told that story.

A woodworker who specialised in making chairs,

wooden tools and implements.

And the team with the most points will win.

Was it a bodger?

Whilst the losers will face the humiliating task

of mucking out a load of smelly, disgusting manure.

Yuck!

The test is now over. It's time to reveal the score.

And now, the moment you've been waiting for. The results.

-John and Shannon...

-SHANNON: We've lost.

..have a hugely impressive...

..48 points.

Yes!

The best result ever, doesn't matter what your result is,

our result will definitely be the best!

Edward and Fergus...

have...

..51! Yes!

We are victorious Victorians!

-Shannon, we're OK, it's not the end of the world.

-It is.

Look at how cocky they are, I can't cope. I just can't.

Suck it up, Shannon. Congratulations, Team Edward!

Worthy winners... All right, don't overdo it.

Edward and Fergus are now off to enjoy

a slap-up yummy Victorian picnic.

Meanwhile, for the losers John and Shannon, it's forfeit time.

Rotten luck!

Shannon, I can't believe we're in a giant pile of poo.

-How much poo is there actually here?

-I'm going to be sick.

Urgh!

-Winning tastes good.

-Absolutely.

HE SLURPS

Nyum, nyum, nyum, nyum!

Foot's getting right down here. Oooh!

I'll show you how it's done.

Oh, this is gross. Oh, it smells!

-Care for a scone?

-I'd love one, Edward, thank you very much.

Mmm.

Mmmmmm!

Just go, Charlie, just go. Get me home.

We're going to smell like poo for the rest of our life.