Bath Jedward's Big Adventure

Just when you thought it was safe to venture out...

-Where are the boats?

-John, we're inland.

..the Jedward boys are back to surprise the nation's tourists.

THEY SHRIEK

Our hair's actually been this tall before, it's been over ten inches.

And compete head-to-head to see who will be the best tour guide.

We need to win, come on, we have a duck.

Who will taste victory...

BOTH: Mm, minerals!

I had this exact helmet.

..and who will drop a clanger?

-Hi, you must be Abbey.

-No, Edward, we're in the abbey.

BELLS RING

I hear bells.

-MIMICS IRISH ACCENT:

-Welcome to Jedward's Big Adventure!

# Come with us There's so much to discover

# Crazy adventures with me and my brother

# We'll take on things that will freak you out

# Cos this is Jedward's Big Adventure

# Be your tour guides There's so much to do

# There's a whole planet out there and it's just for you

# Never know what you'll find and we'll mess with your mind

# Hair-raising, trail-blazing, totally wild

# It's Jedward's Big Adventure. #

Ah, the city of Bath, steeped in history and legend, healing springs,

crowning kings and TV twins?!

It's Jedward?!

We're here, Edward. This is it. I am so ready to have my bath.

I've got my bubbles and my rubber ducky.

I got a bath brush to get those hard to get areas.

John, you always got my back.

Check it out, Edward, it's our mission.

"Dear, Jedward, in just 24 hours' time you will have to give a group

"of tourists a guided tour of Bath.

"You'll be telling them all about the history of this amazing city!"

-Oh!

-Wait a minute. This is the city of Bath, not an actual bath.

Oh! Hey, John, look. "Whoever gives the best tour gets to

-"experience a luxurious Bath spa treatment."

-Cool!

Exciting.

"But, whoever loses will be put to work as a Georgian servant,

"carrying their master around town in a sedan chair."

DRAMATIC MUSIC

-Heavy!

-Hey, who are you calling heavy?

-Who are you calling heavy?

John, we're twins, we weigh exactly the same.

-Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

-John, who are we going to get

-to help us?

-I think it's too late to find help now...

-It's Jedward! Jedward.

-Guys...

John, look it's Kelly-Anne Lyons from DNN and Iain Stirling

-from CBBC!

-Hey, that's me!

-What's up?!

What are you guys doing here?

-Just seeing a few sights, taking a few photos.

-Yeah.

Let's get a selfie!

-We need help, we need you, Iain, and we need you, Kelly-Anne.

-OK.

What do you guys know about the city of Bath?

-Nothing.

-Nothing.

-You guys relax, maybe have a bath,

-while we go get the facts.

-Come on, Ed, let's go,

you guys have fun, see you, guys.

Well, that was lucky, but their luck won't last

if they don't pay attention because tomorrow John and Edward

will be leading a group of tourists around the historic city of Bath.

A place they know nothing about.

John will be helped by Kelly-Anne

while Edward will be with Iain.

Each team will be given three stories which the

tourists will be tested on to find out who the best tour guides are.

It's time for the boys to meet their first expert, meet Amy.

She looks a bit stony-faced!

Oh, no, not her. There she is. She's here to tell the boys all about

the birth of Bath. But where's Jedward?

Oh, boys, you're supposed to be up there!

-Amy, where are we?

-You're at the famous Roman baths.

-Where's all the steam coming from?

-This is very special.

It's a natural hot spring.

HARP MUSIC

Beneath the modern city of Bath lies three natural springs,

rich in minerals. Every day more than a million litres of water,

naturally heated to around 46 degrees Celsius

bubble up to the surface.

Legend has it that in 860BC, a certain Prince Bladud

was the first to discover the amazing healing properties

of the springs. He suffered from the skin disease leprosy,

was cast out from his kingdom and forced to be a pig herder.

PIGS OINK

He noticed that sores on his pigs disappeared after

a wallow in the hot mud around Bath. He tried it himself.

Hey presto, his leprosy cleared up, he reclaimed his kingdom

and founded the city of Bath as a thank you.

-Wow, awesome!

-Thousands and thousands of litres of water!

In fact, 1.1 million litres of water come out of the ground here

every single day of the week.

What?! That's insane!

That's enough to fill your bathtub in eight seconds.

That's a lot of water to wash this hair.

So, if we drink this water, will it give us superpowers?

-Would you like to come and find out?

-Yeah!

Wow! This water's going to taste awesome!

Three, two, one... The time has come...

VINYL SCRATCHES

SHE LAUGHS

Tastes good then, boys, yeah?

Do you know why it has that funny taste?

-Why?

-Because it's really, really high in the mineral iron

-and, in fact, there's 43 minerals in the water.

-43 minerals?

Which is why it has that really funny taste on your tongue.

BOTH: Mm, minerals!

They might not have enjoyed drinking the water, but let's hope they

lapped up the facts. Time for the next part of the tour,

and here's Amy again.

After Prince Bladud was here,

who do you think arrived 2,000 years ago?

BOTH: Hmm...

-Sharon Osbourne?

-Edward, she's old, but not THAT old!

It was the Romans!

Romans...!

HARP MUSIC

The Romans arrived in Bath nearly 2,000 years ago,

attracted by the warm waters.

They built a luxurious spa for relaxation and a temple

where they worshipped Sulis Minerva,

goddess of wisdom and healing.

People threw coins into the sacred spring as offerings to

Sulis Minerva. The Romans would also throw curses written on small

pieces of lead so that bad things would happen to their enemies,

or, at least, the thieves who pinched their togas while

they were enjoying a bath.

THEY CHUCKLE

But, I just want to introduce you, first of all,

-to my colleague, Stephen.

-Stephen, what are these?

What you've got here are thin sheets of lead.

It looks like there's writing there.

J-E-D-W... Jedward?

Well, that's bad news if your name's on there

because this is a curse.

Oh, John, what have you done?!

-DRAMATIC MUSIC

-Oh, no, you're cursed!

Not really. It is tempting, though.

And you might be cursing yourselves tomorrow

if you weren't paying attention to the facts.

Oh, look at this dude! Hey, Roman soldier!

As you can see, he's standing strong. Cool helmet.

Want to hear something interesting? I actually had this exact helmet.

Me too!

Tomorrow, John and Edward will go head-to-head as they each take a

group of tourists on a tour around the city of Bath.

Come on, Roman soldier.

With the loser facing a humiliating heavy load.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

John, you're going to be lifting a heavy chair and I am

going to be in a spa,

oiled and getting the best beauty treatments ever.

We'll see about that, Edward, we'll see about that.

Moving on...

BELL RINGS

No, it's not the dinner bell, it's the bell from Bath Abbey,

and here to ring out the facts is abbey expert Cara.

Hi, you must be Abbey!

No, Edward, we're in the abbey, this is Cara, the expert.

-Oh, OK, but when does Abbey get here?

-Oh, no!

I'm Cara and I'm going to be your tour guide today,

show you the history of the abbey and also the tower.

HARP MUSIC

As a city of wealth and importance, Bath was chosen by King Edgar

in AD973 as the best location for his coronation.

He became the first king of the whole of England

and Bath Abbey is built on the exact place it happened.

Today's coronation service is based on that first ceremony held

in Bath more than 1,000 years ago.

At the top of the medieval abbey tower hang ten bells,

the most enormous of which is called the tenor.

It weighs a colossal 1.7 tonnes, the same as a family car.

BELL RINGS

Ding-dong!

Edward, wake up, the first king of England was crowned right here.

I've got so much more cool stuff to tell you. Come on, come with me.

Let's go.

Look down. Would you believe there's over 3,000 dead bodies below us?

Why is there 3,000 bodies buried here?

People wanted to be buried in a sacred place

and lots of people from far and wide who were sick

wanted to visit the Roman baths to get themselves healthy

and, unfortunately, it didn't work and they ended up here.

-Scary! Let's get out of here!

-Come on, follow us.

Follow Cara, Edward.

We're now going to climb 212 steps to the tower.

Let's do this, Edward.

BELLS RING

I hear bells!

Here it is, the tenor bell.

That's massive!

BELL RINGS

Wow!

What a ding-dong!

Oh, no, what do we have here? It seems that Cara's let

the boys loose on some of the abbey's other bells.

Cover your ears!

BELLS RING

What do you think Jedward have gotten up to?

-Who knows, Kelly-Anne, who knows!

-Who knows!

You don't think they would have let them...?

-Surely not.

-There's no way.

-Way!

The boys are halfway through their tour of Bath.

So far, they've found out about Bath's healing water,

lead curses and the name of the abbey's biggest bell.

Tomorrow, they'll be going head-to-head

and each giving a tour of their own with the loser having to bear

the weight of failure

on their shoulders.

It's time to meet our next expert. This chap

knows all there is to know about what the decadent Georgians

made of Bath, it's Thomas!

Splendid hat, Thomas!

Wow! Look at this cool dude, Edward!

Look at your top hat, look at your tail jacket!

Are you going to a fancy dress party?

Um, no, I always like to dress like this -

my name is Thomas and we are here at the very famous Royal Crescent.

And this is an example of architecture which made Bath

really famous today.

HARP MUSIC

Bath is famous throughout the world

for its beautiful Georgian buildings.

The Georgians were very refined yet still wanted to be close to nature.

They liked to see sheep and cattle grazing in the fields

but didn't want them right up at their front doors.

ANIMAL NOISES

So, they built special hidden walls called ha-has.

This was a sunken ditch that couldn't be seen

from their living room windows but kept animals

and other intruders out.

It was called a ha-ha as people would have a good laugh at those

who accidentally fell in.

LAUGHTER

BOTH: Ha-ha-ha-ha!

People would be up here, they wouldn't see the wall...

-Whoa!

-And as they kept going, they'd fall over...

BOTH: Ahh!

..and everyone would laugh at you.

-Ha-ha!

-What else can you tell us about this place?

-Where are the boats?

-What?

-John, we're inland.

Oh, good luck, Thomas(!)

-You're going to need it.

-Why do people love Bath so much?

They love Bath cos of the architecture,

they like the culture and they love the history.

-So, here we have the Royal Crescent.

-Wow!

-Took eight years to build.

And they start building in 1767. And this is the world's first street

to be built in a semicircle.

-The Royal Crescent!

-A crescent like the moon?

Like a moon. It's very grand and that's what the Georgians liked.

They liked to be posh, they liked

-to show off in very rich clothes.

-I like the Georgians cos

they like to show off and go, "Yeah, look at me, yeah, yeah!"

When I think of the Georgians, I think of you, Jedward.

Well, on that note, let's do a real cool Georgian high-five!

High-five, sir!

Just time for some Georgian-style selfies before the next story,

and Thomas is back with a fruity tale to tell.

Let's hope the boys are ready for some juicy facts.

Welcome, gentlemen, to the Assembly Rooms.

This was the ultimate place of social Georgian life,

and I'm going to reveal to you the ultimate Georgian bling symbol.

-Ah, cool pair of earrings?

-Crystal headphones?

Something even more spectacular than that.

THEY GASP

A pineapple?!

HARP MUSIC

The Georgians were big show offs who loved to boast about their money,

and in 18th-century Bath, the ultimate status symbol was

a pineapple.

One pineapple would cost the equivalent of £5,500 today.

And rich people would rent them by the hour to impress their guests

at dinner parties. These were just to be looked at, not eaten.

It is said that the Duchess of Portland,

rumoured to be the richest woman in England,

attended four different Bath dinner parties in one week,

but ended up seeing the same pineapple being paraded

for the enjoyment of the guests.

Our hair's actually been this tall before, our hair's been

over ten inches. Right now it's, like, four inches.

-Very interesting(!)

-Why was a pineapple so special?

They took so long to get here from the Caribbean, about six weeks.

They are so expensive that the punishment for stealing one

could result in death.

Edward, we will not be stealing a pineapple if we go

-back in time.

-Never, ever.

And it looks like John has become attached to his new spiky friend.

Are you OK?

HE BLOWS

Why? Why, pineapple?!

Today is nearly over and, frankly, there's been a lot to take in,

but there's just time to drain a few more facts out of Bath.

And here's the expert to do just that, it's Lauren!

-Good day, Lauren.

-Hello, there.

My name is John Paul Henry Daniel Richard Grimes and I'm

so grateful to be here.

Well, hello, boys. First of all, I'd like to ask you,

what's your favourite book?

Mm, anything by Charles Dickenson or...a classic Harry Potter.

Dickenson?! You mean Dickens, right?

Did you know that Bath was an inspiration to one of England's

-most famous novelists?

-Kim Kardashian?

-Er, no. Jane Austen.

-Oh, Jane Austen...

HARP MUSIC

Bath's most well-known resident is the writer Jane Austen,

who lived here from 1801 to 1805.

The city then was the party destination for London's rich

and famous, the scene of extravagant dinners

and dances with plenty of scandal too.

It's said that Jane didn't really like Bath

and thought it was for snobs. No doubt, many of her larger than life

characters were inspired by the people she met there.

She was a pioneer, as not many women would have written

books in those days.

They weren't even allowed to vote. Jane's now recognised

as such an important novelist that in 2017 her face

will appear on the new £10 note.

She started writing when she was 11 years old

and she was educated by her father and her elder brothers as well.

-Interesting.

-So, over 200 years later Jane Austen is still vividly admired

and remembered for the books that she wrote.

Her books were all about romance and the society...

-Ooo...

-..and the society that she lived in.

-Oh!

Talking of romance, there was a way that women would convey their

feelings to a man back then but it wasn't with the use of speech,

it was the use of the fan...

-Romance!

-So, hold the fan cheekily under your eyes

and you're going to tell the person with your eyes

that you should like to be introduced to them.

You now wish to speak to them, so you would rest your fingers

very lightly on the top of the closed fan like that.

Beautiful. You can also use the fan to tell them that they have

become cold towards you and you never want to see this person again.

So, simply with your fan, you would tell them goodbye

-by holding it behind the head.

-Goodbye.

And it's time to say goodbye to the experts.

Tomorrow, John and Edward will be the experts, with the help of

Kelly-Anne and Iain, of course.

Back at Hotel Jedward, the teams should be preparing their tours.

Of course, there's always the chance they could be

mucking around instead...

Yeah, they're mucking around.

-This wall that you were telling me about...?

-Yeah.

-Can we see it?

-It's confusing, you can see it and you can't see it

but I know it's there. I have seen it, so I know it is there,

-but you can't see it, but tomorrow you will see it.

-Glad that's

cleared up. I wonder if Team Edward are faring any better?

What is the period of time you are thinking about?

I'm thinking about the Jedwardian period.

The Jedwardian! That's... George, Georgian?

We need to win, come on! We have a duck!

-Do you have my back?

-Are you joking... I have your back,

-your front, everything.

-We're going to be doing everything as well

-so let's do this tomorrow.

-Let's do it!

-Let's do it!

Time you got to bed. Sweet dreams!

HE YAWNS AND ALARM RINGS

Morning!

As the sun illuminates the ancient city of Bath,

Jedward awake! Ready to illuminate us with the facts.

They'd better be, cos a group of tourists are already on their way.

These guys have no idea who they're meeting or what we've got in store.

I'm feeling excited for today cos I don't know who the host

-is going to be.

-If the tour guide was my history teacher,

I'd be like, "No, no!"

Jedward hide in the ha-ha as the tourists arrive.

THEY SHRIEK

I'm John, that's Edward and welcome to Jedward's Big Adventure.

We're in Bath, you excited?

ALL: Yeah!

Time to reveal the teams, make some noise for Kelly-Anne

from DNN and Iain Stirling from CBBC!

-I'm John.

-I'm Kelly-Anne.

BOTH: And together we are Jellyard!

-I'm Edward.

-I'm Iain.

-And together we are...

Edwiain, yeah!

Are you guys ready to find out all the amazing

facts about the city of Bath?

ALL: Yes!

Let's all run that way, go!

-I don't run, I do not run.

-Come on, Iain.

I was, like, really shocked cos they were the last people I'd expect.

I bet. It's time to start the tour, and Team Edward are up first.

Can they bring the birth of Bath to life?

Remember, whichever team delivers the facts the best will

receive some spa-style pampering

whilst the losers will be doing some seriously heavy lifting. Ouch!

Hey, guys, welcome to Bath. Famous for these Roman baths

and natural hot spring that's heated from down in the Earth's core.

It's 47 degrees - hot!

Almost. 46!

Do you want to know what's so special about this Roman bath?

-It's 46 degrees?

-It has healing powers. It's a myth...

this guy had leprosy at the time...

Uh-oh, he's forgotten his name.

He started this cos he saw his pigs rolling around in mud and

he noticed that it healed their cuts and sores...

Roll up, roll up...

-Oh, no, it's getting worse, here's Iain.

-..get your Bath water.

-Do you want to try some water?

-Whose idea was this?

-Oh, lovely,

-isn't it?

-Oh, dear!

-Oh...

LAUGHTER

-Have some more to wash it...

-No, they're meant to be trying it.

-Sorry...

-It's anarchy.

-The water you just drank is past its

sell-by date, it's 10,000 years old. What's in the water that makes

-it so delicious?

-In the water there's iron, calcium a lot of stuff...

-When in doubt, run away.

-Let's get out of here.

Shall we all just pretend that never happened?

What a wash-out. Get it?

I thought it was all right but not the best cos we got covered in water

and it didn't taste that nice.

But how will John and Kelly-Anne compare

when they take on the role of Romans?

2,000 years ago, the Romans came here cos

they were attracted to the warm waters of the hot springs.

They needed to relax, so they'd come here and they'd chill out.

So, they dedicated this whole spa to...

BOTH: Sulis Minerva.

She's a goddess...

-Goddess of wisdom and healing.

-Yes, wow. You really do know

-your facts, Kelly-Anne.

-I try, I try.

-Very impressive, Team John.

Back then, if someone did something really bad to you, they'd throw

curses into the water. So they'd write their curses

and then write it on lead and throw it in the water...

And if I had a piece of lead, I would write...

-"I hope Edward and Iain lose," and I'd throw it...

-No!

We're going to get you all to do this, so pass these pencils around.

And we want you guys to write curses about the other team

-and we're going to throw them into this well.

-Right.

Oh, dirty tactics from Team John.

OK, what does this one say...?

SHE GASPS

"Edward and Iain are going to lose"! Who did that one?

"I hope the other team don't get their facts straight."

LAUGHTER

Why are you cursing my team?

Oh, rumbled.

No good cursing the other team if they haven't got their own facts

right. Will Team John live to regret their underhand tactics?

Now it's time for Team Edward, who are hoping to give

the tourists a right ding-dong on the next part of their tour.

Guys, right now we're here in Bath Abbey, it's where the first

king of England was crowned, right here where you're standing.

So, a big blinging crown was put on his head and they said,

"You are the crown of England," and guess what his name was...

-Edgar. Yes!

-And when he said, "crown of England" he meant

-king of England, just so you know.

-Thanks for clearing that up, Iain.

Guys, you are currently standing on...

3,000 dead people.

ALL: Eugh!

-It's all over your fancy trainers.

-Oh, not my winged trainers!

Heaven forbid.

BOINGING

-Let's go to the bells!

-OK, let's go.

Guess what, the biggest bell in this bell tower is called a tenor bell.

It's the cheapest bell in the tower as well, it's only a tenner!

LAUGHTER

-No, it's a tenor bell.

-How much does it weigh?

It weighs 1.7 metric tonnes. Think how heavy that is,

that's as heavy as...

HE BEEPS

-..a family car.

-Guys, we're about to play a game.

I'm going to play a tune. You guess

what the tune is and then we'll find out if you're right or wrong as

Edward will sing a rendition of the song in his infamous Jedward fashion.

-# La...#

-Oh, no!

Here's your first tune, OK...

BELLS RING

Er...

What do you guys think it is?

-Jingle Bells.

-No.

EastEnders?

-What do you think it was?

-What was that?

Question Of Sport?

It's One Direction!

# You don't know you're beautiful

# Oh, oh... #

Of course(!) I was going to say that.

That will be ringing in their ears.

-Let's hope they can hear the facts.

-It was belltastic!

A bell of a time!

Meanwhile, Team John are about to tell the tourists about some

beautiful buildings and a very silly wall.

This is what we call the Royal Crescent.

Back then, it was all about building amazing buildings,

beautiful buildings, that's why Bath looks so amazing. Isn't it amazing?

ALL: Yeah!

Want to use another word other than amazing, John?

-What's over here?

-What is this called, Kelly-Anne?

-This would be the ha-ha wall.

-Is it the ha-ha wall, not the ho-ho wall?

Ha-ha, right? Ha-ha.

ALL: Ha-ha-ha-ha...

Fantastic.

The reason why it was called the ha-ha wall and the reason why we

had the ha-ha wall was because back then this area was very important

and the sheep would be walking round

and they didn't want the sheep getting too close.

-No.

-Cos you would wake up in the morning and go,

"What a great day it is!" and you'd wake up and get some crazies

going "Baa, ba-a-a!" and you're like,

"Oh, get out of my face, sheep," and that's why they built the..."

-Is anyone else following this?

-The reason it got the name was

people would come out here at night-time,

and walking, and it was totally dark

and they'd fall and everyone would go,

"Ha-ha-ha, you fell!"

And...breathe.

Very good, Team John, but will they be laughing all the way to the...

HE CLEARS THROAT

..spa with that performance?

Now it's time to see how Team Edward are getting along.

Can they remember all of those fabulous fruity facts?

-This is guess the accessory!

-Guess the Georgian accessory.

-Georgian accessory.

-The thing under this cloth is worth

£5,500 in today's money.

GASPS

-Any guesses...?

-Diamonds.

-No.

-Are you ready for the reveal?

ALL: Yeah.

-Oh...

-It was...

What?! What?!

ALL GASP

-A pineapple?

-It's OK, yeah, a pineapple.

They were worth £5,500 in Georgian times, why is that?

Cos it took six weeks for them to get here from the Caribbean

and today you can just buy them for £2.

What's Iain up to?

IMITATES IRISH ACCENT: Welcome to Jedward's Big Adventure!

-Today we're in Bath...

-I thought so.

..learning about the pineapple.

-LAUGHTER

-Amazing.

-Whatever(!)

-Hi, I'm Jedward.

-Oh, that's uncanny!

-LAUGHTER

-I don't sound like that!

-You do, mate.

Enough fooling around, we wouldn't want to upset the pineapple cart!

I'm sorry. But what's this...?

For their final story,

John and Kelly-Anne have gone all Hollywood...

CLASSICAL MUSIC AND SINGING

In a time of forbidden love...

where one man and one wo-man dared not speak.

Two star-crossed lovers meet across a crowded dance floor

and speaketh the language that hadeth no sound.

The language of the fan.

Will true love prevail...

..across the dangerous wind of time...

or will it be goodbye?

Find out in...

HE COUGHS

CHEERING

Back then, you could not go up to someone if you

liked them, you had to wait and see what they thought of you

-by using this...

-A fan.

You'd communicate through the fan.

Now, you're probably wondering about our outfits right now.

-These are from Jane Austen's time.

-She's a famous author who was

so inspired by the Georgian era, she wrote about all the characters

-that passed through Bath.

-She wrote books like

-Sense And Sensibility.

-Emma.

-Pride And Prejudice.

In the year 2017, she's going to have her own £10 note.

How awesome is that?

Very awesome, but was their performance a bestseller

or have they booked themselves a heavy forfeit?

It's the moment of truth. Have the tourists remembered those

all-important vital facts on the city of Bath?

Or was all that splashing,

cursing and bell ringing too much of a distraction?

It's time to find out as the tourists take the Big Test!

On what material did the Romans write their curses?

They're being asked two questions on each of the stories.

What is the name of the famous female author who lived in Bath for a time?

-Jane Austen.

-For each correct answer, there's a point in it

for the team that told that story.

What was the name of the prince who was cured of leprosy by the springs?

-Not sure, it's gone.

-And the team with the most points will win

whilst the losers will face the humiliating task of carrying

the weight of the other team on their shoulders.

The test is now over - it's time to reveal the final score.

I can now reveal the results.

Team John - you scored a very impressive...

38 points.

Wow!

Team Edward - you scored...

..24 points.

CHEERING

Why?!

Loser!

Oh, no!

Congratulations, Team John,

looks like those Roman curses did the trick.

John and Kelly-Anne are off to enjoy a luxurious spa day

whilst for the losers, Edward and Iain, it's forfeit time.

Happy lifting!

Oh! So heavy!

So heavy, John.

Stop your moaning, jibber jabbering slaves!

Thank you, servant. You mind the sedan chair in the rain

while I go and enjoy a luxurious spa with my Kelly-Anne.

See you later, servants!

Wow, it's so warm!

-I already feel amazing.

-It's very warm, it's like Bath water.

Ah!

Iain, how long are they going to be in there?

-They said a couple of hours.

-Oh!

-I'm so relaxed.

-It's so relaxing.

It's starting to rain now!

We're the winners!

BOTH: Team Jellyard!

I hope we don't get a parking ticket.