Lockie Takes the Cake Lockie Leonard


Lockie Takes the Cake

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# They were burning themselves out in the sun

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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were burning themselves out in the sun

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# That was just enough to get that far away. #

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There are 365 days in the year.

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So, with all those days to choose from,

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how is it that two of the most important people in my life

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are born on the same day?

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Vicki's birthday and Phillip's birthday all at once.

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Full-on stuff.

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Sometimes things happen that are right out of your control.

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-That's the biggest cake I've ever seen.

-Yeah.

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Mum's gone a bit overboard.

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So, is your dad letting you out of prison tomorrow for your birthday?

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No. I'm still a prisoner.

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'Vicki was grounded.

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'Ever since Curtis and his mates broke her parents' table.'

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HEAVY METAL-STYLE MUSIC PLAYS

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I'm allowed to invite one friend to lunch.

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You have to come.

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New furniture?

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This is the most expensive new table in history.

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-Dad, can Lockie come to my birthday party?

-Lockie?

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-I don't know any Lockie.

-Yes, you do. He came to the river with us.

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You mean the clown who can't waterski?

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'That'd be right. He forgets my name,

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'but has to remember this...'

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Aaargh!

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-Stupid kid nearly wrecked everything.

-Dad, this is Lockie.

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Ah, yes, good. Hello.

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-Can he come to my birthday party?

-Well, of course, kitten.

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I'm the one who told you to invite him.

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Silly duffer.

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-Mum, Lockie's coming to my party.

-That's nice. Barry?

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Where are we going to put the new table?

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-Outside of course.

-I'm not having it damaged by the weather.

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-It's an outdoor table!

-What am I supposed to wear?

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Something special.

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-Is this OK?

-No.

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-You need to get dressed up.

-Vicki is wearing fancy dress.

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A very fancy dress.

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'Back home, unlike me,

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'Phillip wasn't giving his birthday too much thought.'

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Yeah, it's my birthday!

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It's my birthday! It's my birthday!

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Yeah, my birthday!

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Not your birthday till tomorrow, Phillip.

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Yeah, it's my birthday.

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Joy, have you seen...?

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-What's that?

-I bought a bread maker.

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-Did we win the lottery?

-I couldn't afford not to buy it, Sarge.

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This thing's gonna save us thousands of dollars.

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-How?

-We won't have to buy any more bread.

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Cool. So long as you leave plenty of cash for my birthday present.

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I could use it to make your birthday cake.

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It's a bread maker.

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Well, cake, bread, not much difference.

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Mum? I need a costume.

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Vicki's having a birthday party tomorrow.

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It's fancy dress.

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-As long as you still come to my birthday lunch.

-'Oh!

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'Double-booked.' Of course. I'll go to both.

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-And I'll make you a costume.

-Really?

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Hm. With this new bread maker,

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I'll have free time to do other things.

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I'll make you the best costume ever.

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I was thinking a pirate. Like in the movies.

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Oh. You'll be the best pirate.

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"Bread making step by step with your friendly guide, Bread Boy..."

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'The first time I saw Bread Boy,

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'the little cartoon guy in Mum's bread making book,

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'I had no idea how much he would come to mean in my life.'

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Lockie, guess what I want for my birthday?

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I don't know. What do you want?

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I'm thinking sheets, Egyptian cotton sheets.

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The ones with the really high thread count. It's a reward.

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For when I stop wetting the bed.

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Sure.

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'So, Vicki's dad hates me,

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'I'm double-booked for two different birthday parties,

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'and I don't have any money for presents.

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'Things are getting out of control.'

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No-o-o-o! 'I felt like I was falling out of the sky,

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'and I didn't know where I was going to land.'

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Dad?

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Meanwhile, Egg had made a big discovery.

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Dad?

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Dad?!

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Oh-oh-oh!

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You never told me about this!

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Uh, no, I was keeping that one a secret.

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ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYS IN BACKGROUND

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Dad, listen to this. You're rockin' out!

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I recognise that song.

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Mum, have you seen this?

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Of course I have.

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That was your dad's band.

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His music was why I fell in love with him in the first place.

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And he smashed guitars and everything!

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My dad, the rock star!

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-I can't believe it.

-Yeah, that is pretty cool.

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Hey, maybe they've got more of his records in here.

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Really? How many did he have?

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I dunno.

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-HE SIGHS

-Got any cash?

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-No.

-Me neither.

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And I have to buy two birthday presents. By tomorrow.

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Hey, what if we go busking?

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-We can sing and play guitar.

-I can't sing.

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And you don't have a guitar.

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I can play air guitar!

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For busking, I think you need a real guitar.

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I know where there's a real guitar.

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Busking has to be less embarrassing

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than turning up to Vicki's without a decent present.

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Right?

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GENTLE GUITAR PLUCKING

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HE SIGHS What was I thinking?!

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He'll never let us use it.

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Egg, how are you gonna know if you have Rev's rock genes or not

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unless you start playing real guitar in front of actual people?

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Very true.

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He'll understand.

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Back home, Mum was having an intense time with her new machine.

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BREAD MAKER WHIRRS

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Joy?

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-You OK?

-It's making a lot of noise in there.

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-Is it supposed to?

-Bread Boy doesn't say.

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-Well, maybe if you...

-Don't touch it!

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It's going to beep.

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When it's ready.

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You don't want me to go down the shops and get a loaf of bread...

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That's cheating.

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Hey, you know my birthday?

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Birthday? No, no, you haven't mentioned it.

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Well, if Vicki's gonna have a fancy dress party,

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can I have one, too?

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Yes, of course you can.

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We could dress fancy for dinner.

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I might come as a police sergeant.

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BEEP!

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This is it, it's ready. Stand back, Phillip, it's hot. Don't touch.

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It hasn't risen.

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Looks...great!

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Hmmm...

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It's a disaster.

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Disaster bread. Cool(!)

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SHE GROANS

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It was Mum's turn to feel like she was falling out of the sky...

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without a parachute.

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Egg borrowed his dad's guitar.

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And we hit the streets to raise money through rock 'n' roll.

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TUNELESS # Blue eyes

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# Got no money

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# Oh, it ain't funny... #

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-SHE LAUGHS

-Thanks, Sarge...

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-What exactly...

-Croutons!

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Joy made them herself... in the new bread maker.

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Oh!

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Mmmm! They're great, they're just, um...

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Mmmm! Like hard and inedible bits of bread.

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Croutons! Like I said.

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Croutons.

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Bowl of soup, pop a few in...

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Bob's your uncle.

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Over at the Streetons', Vicki was making important discoveries

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of her own about having a birthday.

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Because at the Streetons',

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birthday parties were a little bit different.

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What are you doing with those, Kitten?

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-It's so we can have music.

-I don't want them out here.

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-But it's a party!

-Put them back inside. Now.

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Look, I can't have loud music out here

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when I'm trying to talk to Shay Pickering.

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-Who?

-Shay Pickering. He's a very well-connected businessman

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and he's deaf in one ear.

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I need Shay's help with a very important deal I'm putting together.

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Careful!

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Crikey.

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Meanwhile, Egg turned out to be pretty good at the busking thing.

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We were actually making some money.

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Mostly because all the shop-keepers offered us money

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if we'd pack up and go away.

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Egg and I were really getting into it. We were going off!

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-HE SCREAMS

-But then Egg had a brain explosion.

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Aargh! Ugh!

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Later, Egg said it was a tribute to his dad's rock 'n' roll moves.

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SOMEONE CLAPS

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Aargh! Aargh! Aaaargh!

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The good news was we'd made money.

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Maybe enough money to buy Vicki her present.

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Maybe I'd even have enough to get Phillip his sheets, too.

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The bad news was we had to replace Reverend Egg's guitar first.

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For a battered old piece of junk,

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Rev's new guitar cost a lot of money.

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But there was an old book of fairytales I could afford for Vicki.

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It wasn't much, but it was something, I guess.

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And with the change, I was able to buy Phillip something, too.

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Not the same as Egyptian sheets,

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but it had a high thread count.

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Mum and the bread maker were having a full-on staring competition.

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Mum, about the fancy dress party...

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-BEEP!

-It's beeping.

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-Doesn't that mean the bread's ready?

-I'm too nervous to touch it.

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What's one more loaf of disaster bread? You've cooked 10 of them.

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Phillip...

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Careful. It's hot!

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Oh...

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This...is my last attempt.

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HISSING

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It's...perfect.

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It really is.

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It's perfect bread.

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I love you, Bread Boy.

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Mum, about my fancy dress lunch... If Lockie's gonna be a pirate,

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I'm thinking I should be a naval officer.

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You know, the white suit, shiny buttons...

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Uh, Mum, hello!

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Yes, Phillip?

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Well, um, I'll take care of the costume myself.

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I've pretty much got it nailed.

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All you have to worry about now is Lockie's.

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Mum made perfect bread.

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And that gave her a brilliant idea.

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The asphalt musketeer.

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The climber of the school-yard tree.

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For him, each twig a new adventure.

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Each moment, a bold experiment.

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A jaunty ride on life's fine feathered freeway.

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He is our son, our brother, our friend and our companion.

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The one, the only...

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..the Phillip.

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MUFFLED SPEECH

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What did Loaf Man say?

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Oh, it's not Loaf Man, it's Bread Boy.

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I think Bread Boy said it's time for me to open my presents.

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Not until we've had lunch. I think I've got the measurements wrong.

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Is it too tight? Are you OK?

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MUFFLED SCREAMING

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Oh, I think he's saying it's time to go to Vicki's party.

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-All right, well, I'll drive you.

-Already?

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I'm being abandoned. At my own birthday!

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Standing at Vicki's front door with my head in a loaf of bread -

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this is not how I'd imagined my grand entrance.

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HE GRUNTS

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Hmmm...

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-MUFFLED:

-Huh?

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-MUFFLED:

-Oh, no.

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'Things got worse when I realised

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'I'd brought Phillip's present instead of Vicki's.'

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-HE GROWLS

-'A piece of old rope.

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'For the birthday girl.'

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DISTANT CONVERSATION

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-MUFFLED:

-Huh?

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POLITE PARTY CONVERSATION

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'This was no fancy dress party.

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'I mean, Vicki's dress was...fancy!'

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Vicki's wearing fancy dress. A very fancy dress!

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'But her dress wasn't...FANCY-fancy, if you know what I mean.

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'I'd got it wrong.

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'And it was time to get the hell out of there.

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'The thing about the Streetons' house, it's climate-controlled.

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'Air-conditioned.

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'Very cool in summer, warm in winter.

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'Impossible to escape from, all year round.'

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Sal, pass these around, we're getting a bit peckish.

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'This was turning into the biggest disaster of my life!

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'I was supposed to be impressing these people,

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'not hiding in their bedroom dressed-up as a loaf of bread.'

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MUFFLED SHOUTING

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'I don't know why Mum made my Bread Boy outfit one-piece.

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'Maybe so I couldn't take it off.

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'In a panic, I called Egg - told him to bring me a change of clothes.'

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello?

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MUFFLED SHOUTING

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Hello? Who is this?

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MUFFLED SHOUTING

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-'Egg thought I was a prank caller.'

-HE SIGHS

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-DRAMATIC MUSIC

-Huh?

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MUFFLED SCREAM

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-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Hello?

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Is anybody in there?

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Is everything all right?

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Hello?

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'Lucky I brought the wrong present.

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'Although I'm not sure whether Phillip would agree.'

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Fairytales?

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You think a naval commander wants a book of fairytales?

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Come and have a seat, ladies and gents,

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if you can find any room around the Taj Mahal!

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There are moments in your life where time stops. You can't go backwards.

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Or forwards.

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You're suspended above a whole world of hurt.

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POLITE DINNER CONVERSATION

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THEY LAUGH

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I find in these situations

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sometimes you just have to let go of the steering wheel.

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-Aargh!

-What the...

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THEY GASP

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The table!

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Not the table!

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What on earth is going on here?!

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CAKE SQUELCHES

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It's some kind of strange burglar.

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Dad, it's not a burglar.

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It's Lockie!

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Hi, Mr Streeton.

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It was your idea to invite him, remember, Dad?

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-Sorry about your table.

-Sorry?!

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YOU'RE SORRY?!

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Yeah. And the cake.

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Vicki...

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Happy birthday.

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# I'm a hard omelette without you, babe... #

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Dad! Listen to this. HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT AGAIN

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# I'm a hard omelette without you, babe

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-# I'm a hard omelette... #

-Wait a minute, I'll show you...

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Here, this is how it went.

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# You put me in the frying pan

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# You flipped me upside, upside down

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# You left me there to sizzle dry

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# Feel like I'm-a, I'm a-gonna die

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# Crack me, bake me

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# Don't forsake me

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# Scramble me, poach me

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# Don't reproach me

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# I'm a hard omelette without you, babe

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# I'm a hard omelette without you, babe

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BOTH: # Nothing but a hard omelette

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ALL: # Nothing but a hard omelette

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ALL: # I'm a hard omelette without you, babe... #

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While Egg took his mum on a trip down memory lane,

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I went home to clean up. And in the middle of all that chaos,

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somehow, I did one thing right.

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I got Phillip a second birthday present.

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The best birthday cake ever.

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Not that I told him why the Streetons didn't want it any more.

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Sorry about the box. It got a bit ripped.

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I don't care.

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Awww, Lockie, it's beautiful.

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It's not. I wanted to get you something else...

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No, seriously, I love it.

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I had the exact same one when I was little.

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-But I wrecked your birthday.

-HE SIGHS

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-And I dunno how I'm gonna make it up to your parents.

-Sshhh.

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I've never laughed so much in my whole life.

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-But I wrecked your cake.

-I know.

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And I upset everybody.

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Lockie, you gave me the best birthday of my life.

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Thanks to you, I will never forget this birthday.

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# Boy, it's breaking

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# Underneath the wave of strength

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# Ah-ha-ha

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# Ah-ha-ha

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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were burning themselves

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# Out in the sun

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# There was just enough

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# To get that far away... #

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