Lockie Takes the Cake Lockie Leonard

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# That was just enough to get that far away. #

There are 365 days in the year.

So, with all those days to choose from,

how is it that two of the most important people in my life

are born on the same day?

Vicki's birthday and Phillip's birthday all at once.

Full-on stuff.

Sometimes things happen that are right out of your control.

-That's the biggest cake I've ever seen.

-Yeah.

Mum's gone a bit overboard.

So, is your dad letting you out of prison tomorrow for your birthday?

No. I'm still a prisoner.

'Vicki was grounded.

'Ever since Curtis and his mates broke her parents' table.'

HEAVY METAL-STYLE MUSIC PLAYS

I'm allowed to invite one friend to lunch.

You have to come.

New furniture?

This is the most expensive new table in history.

-Dad, can Lockie come to my birthday party?

-Lockie?

-I don't know any Lockie.

-Yes, you do. He came to the river with us.

You mean the clown who can't waterski?

'That'd be right. He forgets my name,

'but has to remember this...'

Aaargh!

-Stupid kid nearly wrecked everything.

-Dad, this is Lockie.

Ah, yes, good. Hello.

-Can he come to my birthday party?

-Well, of course, kitten.

I'm the one who told you to invite him.

Silly duffer.

-Mum, Lockie's coming to my party.

-That's nice. Barry?

Where are we going to put the new table?

-Outside of course.

-I'm not having it damaged by the weather.

-It's an outdoor table!

-What am I supposed to wear?

Something special.

-Is this OK?

-No.

-You need to get dressed up.

-Vicki is wearing fancy dress.

A very fancy dress.

'Back home, unlike me,

'Phillip wasn't giving his birthday too much thought.'

Yeah, it's my birthday!

It's my birthday! It's my birthday!

Yeah, my birthday!

Not your birthday till tomorrow, Phillip.

Yeah, it's my birthday.

Joy, have you seen...?

-What's that?

-I bought a bread maker.

-Did we win the lottery?

-I couldn't afford not to buy it, Sarge.

This thing's gonna save us thousands of dollars.

-How?

-We won't have to buy any more bread.

Cool. So long as you leave plenty of cash for my birthday present.

I could use it to make your birthday cake.

It's a bread maker.

Well, cake, bread, not much difference.

Mum? I need a costume.

Vicki's having a birthday party tomorrow.

It's fancy dress.

-As long as you still come to my birthday lunch.

-'Oh!

'Double-booked.' Of course. I'll go to both.

-And I'll make you a costume.

-Really?

Hm. With this new bread maker,

I'll have free time to do other things.

I'll make you the best costume ever.

I was thinking a pirate. Like in the movies.

Oh. You'll be the best pirate.

"Bread making step by step with your friendly guide, Bread Boy..."

'The first time I saw Bread Boy,

'the little cartoon guy in Mum's bread making book,

'I had no idea how much he would come to mean in my life.'

Lockie, guess what I want for my birthday?

I don't know. What do you want?

I'm thinking sheets, Egyptian cotton sheets.

The ones with the really high thread count. It's a reward.

For when I stop wetting the bed.

Sure.

'So, Vicki's dad hates me,

'I'm double-booked for two different birthday parties,

'and I don't have any money for presents.

'Things are getting out of control.'

No-o-o-o! 'I felt like I was falling out of the sky,

'and I didn't know where I was going to land.'

Dad?

Meanwhile, Egg had made a big discovery.

Dad?

Dad?!

Oh-oh-oh!

You never told me about this!

Uh, no, I was keeping that one a secret.

ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYS IN BACKGROUND

Dad, listen to this. You're rockin' out!

I recognise that song.

Mum, have you seen this?

Of course I have.

That was your dad's band.

His music was why I fell in love with him in the first place.

And he smashed guitars and everything!

My dad, the rock star!

-I can't believe it.

-Yeah, that is pretty cool.

Hey, maybe they've got more of his records in here.

Really? How many did he have?

I dunno.

-HE SIGHS

-Got any cash?

-No.

-Me neither.

And I have to buy two birthday presents. By tomorrow.

Hey, what if we go busking?

-We can sing and play guitar.

-I can't sing.

And you don't have a guitar.

I can play air guitar!

For busking, I think you need a real guitar.

I know where there's a real guitar.

Busking has to be less embarrassing

than turning up to Vicki's without a decent present.

Right?

GENTLE GUITAR PLUCKING

HE SIGHS What was I thinking?!

He'll never let us use it.

Egg, how are you gonna know if you have Rev's rock genes or not

unless you start playing real guitar in front of actual people?

Very true.

He'll understand.

Back home, Mum was having an intense time with her new machine.

BREAD MAKER WHIRRS

Joy?

-You OK?

-It's making a lot of noise in there.

-Is it supposed to?

-Bread Boy doesn't say.

-Well, maybe if you...

-Don't touch it!

It's going to beep.

When it's ready.

You don't want me to go down the shops and get a loaf of bread...

That's cheating.

Hey, you know my birthday?

Birthday? No, no, you haven't mentioned it.

Well, if Vicki's gonna have a fancy dress party,

can I have one, too?

Yes, of course you can.

We could dress fancy for dinner.

I might come as a police sergeant.

BEEP!

This is it, it's ready. Stand back, Phillip, it's hot. Don't touch.

It hasn't risen.

Looks...great!

Hmmm...

It's a disaster.

Disaster bread. Cool(!)

SHE GROANS

It was Mum's turn to feel like she was falling out of the sky...

without a parachute.

Egg borrowed his dad's guitar.

And we hit the streets to raise money through rock 'n' roll.

TUNELESS # Blue eyes

# Got no money

# Oh, it ain't funny... #

-SHE LAUGHS

-Thanks, Sarge...

-What exactly...

-Croutons!

Joy made them herself... in the new bread maker.

Oh!

Mmmm! They're great, they're just, um...

Mmmm! Like hard and inedible bits of bread.

Croutons! Like I said.

Croutons.

Bowl of soup, pop a few in...

Bob's your uncle.

Over at the Streetons', Vicki was making important discoveries

of her own about having a birthday.

Because at the Streetons',

birthday parties were a little bit different.

What are you doing with those, Kitten?

-It's so we can have music.

-I don't want them out here.

-But it's a party!

-Put them back inside. Now.

Look, I can't have loud music out here

when I'm trying to talk to Shay Pickering.

-Who?

-Shay Pickering. He's a very well-connected businessman

and he's deaf in one ear.

I need Shay's help with a very important deal I'm putting together.

Careful!

Crikey.

Meanwhile, Egg turned out to be pretty good at the busking thing.

We were actually making some money.

Mostly because all the shop-keepers offered us money

if we'd pack up and go away.

Egg and I were really getting into it. We were going off!

-HE SCREAMS

-But then Egg had a brain explosion.

Aargh! Ugh!

Later, Egg said it was a tribute to his dad's rock 'n' roll moves.

SOMEONE CLAPS

Aargh! Aargh! Aaaargh!

The good news was we'd made money.

Maybe enough money to buy Vicki her present.

Maybe I'd even have enough to get Phillip his sheets, too.

The bad news was we had to replace Reverend Egg's guitar first.

For a battered old piece of junk,

Rev's new guitar cost a lot of money.

But there was an old book of fairytales I could afford for Vicki.

It wasn't much, but it was something, I guess.

And with the change, I was able to buy Phillip something, too.

Not the same as Egyptian sheets,

but it had a high thread count.

Mum and the bread maker were having a full-on staring competition.

Mum, about the fancy dress party...

-BEEP!

-It's beeping.

-Doesn't that mean the bread's ready?

-I'm too nervous to touch it.

What's one more loaf of disaster bread? You've cooked 10 of them.

Phillip...

Careful. It's hot!

Oh...

This...is my last attempt.

HISSING

It's...perfect.

It really is.

It's perfect bread.

I love you, Bread Boy.

Mum, about my fancy dress lunch... If Lockie's gonna be a pirate,

I'm thinking I should be a naval officer.

You know, the white suit, shiny buttons...

Uh, Mum, hello!

Yes, Phillip?

Well, um, I'll take care of the costume myself.

I've pretty much got it nailed.

All you have to worry about now is Lockie's.

Mum made perfect bread.

And that gave her a brilliant idea.

The asphalt musketeer.

The climber of the school-yard tree.

For him, each twig a new adventure.

Each moment, a bold experiment.

A jaunty ride on life's fine feathered freeway.

He is our son, our brother, our friend and our companion.

The one, the only...

..the Phillip.

MUFFLED SPEECH

What did Loaf Man say?

Oh, it's not Loaf Man, it's Bread Boy.

I think Bread Boy said it's time for me to open my presents.

Not until we've had lunch. I think I've got the measurements wrong.

Is it too tight? Are you OK?

MUFFLED SCREAMING

Oh, I think he's saying it's time to go to Vicki's party.

-All right, well, I'll drive you.

-Already?

I'm being abandoned. At my own birthday!

Standing at Vicki's front door with my head in a loaf of bread -

this is not how I'd imagined my grand entrance.

HE GRUNTS

Hmmm...

-MUFFLED:

-Huh?

-MUFFLED:

-Oh, no.

'Things got worse when I realised

'I'd brought Phillip's present instead of Vicki's.'

-HE GROWLS

-'A piece of old rope.

'For the birthday girl.'

DISTANT CONVERSATION

-MUFFLED:

-Huh?

POLITE PARTY CONVERSATION

'This was no fancy dress party.

'I mean, Vicki's dress was...fancy!'

Vicki's wearing fancy dress. A very fancy dress!

'But her dress wasn't...FANCY-fancy, if you know what I mean.

'I'd got it wrong.

'And it was time to get the hell out of there.

'The thing about the Streetons' house, it's climate-controlled.

'Air-conditioned.

'Very cool in summer, warm in winter.

'Impossible to escape from, all year round.'

Sal, pass these around, we're getting a bit peckish.

'This was turning into the biggest disaster of my life!

'I was supposed to be impressing these people,

'not hiding in their bedroom dressed-up as a loaf of bread.'

MUFFLED SHOUTING

'I don't know why Mum made my Bread Boy outfit one-piece.

'Maybe so I couldn't take it off.

'In a panic, I called Egg - told him to bring me a change of clothes.'

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

MUFFLED SHOUTING

Hello? Who is this?

MUFFLED SHOUTING

-'Egg thought I was a prank caller.'

-HE SIGHS

-DRAMATIC MUSIC

-Huh?

MUFFLED SCREAM

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Hello?

Is anybody in there?

Is everything all right?

Hello?

'Lucky I brought the wrong present.

'Although I'm not sure whether Phillip would agree.'

Fairytales?

You think a naval commander wants a book of fairytales?

Come and have a seat, ladies and gents,

if you can find any room around the Taj Mahal!

There are moments in your life where time stops. You can't go backwards.

Or forwards.

You're suspended above a whole world of hurt.

POLITE DINNER CONVERSATION

THEY LAUGH

I find in these situations

sometimes you just have to let go of the steering wheel.

-Aargh!

-What the...

THEY GASP

The table!

Not the table!

What on earth is going on here?!

CAKE SQUELCHES

It's some kind of strange burglar.

Dad, it's not a burglar.

It's Lockie!

Hi, Mr Streeton.

It was your idea to invite him, remember, Dad?

-Sorry about your table.

-Sorry?!

YOU'RE SORRY?!

Yeah. And the cake.

Vicki...

Happy birthday.

# I'm a hard omelette without you, babe... #

Dad! Listen to this. HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT AGAIN

# I'm a hard omelette without you, babe

-# I'm a hard omelette... #

-Wait a minute, I'll show you...

Here, this is how it went.

# You put me in the frying pan

# You flipped me upside, upside down

# You left me there to sizzle dry

# Feel like I'm-a, I'm a-gonna die

# Crack me, bake me

# Don't forsake me

# Scramble me, poach me

# Don't reproach me

# I'm a hard omelette without you, babe

# I'm a hard omelette without you, babe

BOTH: # Nothing but a hard omelette

ALL: # Nothing but a hard omelette

ALL: # I'm a hard omelette without you, babe... #

While Egg took his mum on a trip down memory lane,

I went home to clean up. And in the middle of all that chaos,

somehow, I did one thing right.

I got Phillip a second birthday present.

The best birthday cake ever.

Not that I told him why the Streetons didn't want it any more.

Sorry about the box. It got a bit ripped.

I don't care.

Awww, Lockie, it's beautiful.

It's not. I wanted to get you something else...

No, seriously, I love it.

I had the exact same one when I was little.

-But I wrecked your birthday.

-HE SIGHS

-And I dunno how I'm gonna make it up to your parents.

-Sshhh.

I've never laughed so much in my whole life.

-But I wrecked your cake.

-I know.

And I upset everybody.

Lockie, you gave me the best birthday of my life.

Thanks to you, I will never forget this birthday.

# Boy, it's breaking

# Underneath the wave of strength

# Ah-ha-ha

# Ah-ha-ha

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves

# Out in the sun

# There was just enough

# To get that far away... #